Project Runway

When my Facebook friend, Tim Gunn, posted that the new season of Project Runway was starting this week, I was shocked. And now I am reminded that it's 90 minutes long. Goddammit, I waste enough of my life already. I almost considered skipping it. But instead I just skipped the casting special. I have a weakness for artistic gays.

If this first episode wasn't the casting special, then I'm so glad I didn't watch the actual casting special. Because the premiere started out with designers having to show samples of their work to the usual panel of judges, plus Tim Gunn. I'm loving the gay Asians. SHOCKER. Also Bert, the 57-year-old recovering alcoholic whose partner died of AIDS, and Anthony Ryan, the color blind ball cancer survivor. Unfortunately, one of my gay Asians is booted, but at least I get the blonde foreign one, Olivier - he was the best one anyway.

The designers get their 5 AM Tim Gunn wakeup call. They have to grab a sheet from their bed and walk to the workroom in their PJs and bedheads. Challenge: Design an outfit using their sheet and what they're wearing. If I had to do that, my model would be wearing a dress with Charlie Sheen's face on her ass.

I'm pretty much only liking the guys because I like Rafael, the gay Indian (at least I think he's Indian), and Josh, the gay bald Mormon. Anya's retarded because she's only been sewing for 4 months and everything she does is something she's "never done before". I like her, but I think she's lying.

Guest Judge: Christina Ricci.

I loved the looks from Viktor and Bryce - and they're not even my top gays! There are a lot - and I mean a lot - of super short skirts. I guess because people don't sleep in much. Rafael's outfit was trifling as hell - awful gray leggings and a leopard bib. Josh's was pretty awful too. My second tier is failing. Eff them.

Winner: Bert!!!! YAYYYY! <3



Bye-bye: Rafael. Good - because I think Josh has way more potential. Go Josh!!

The Challenge: Rivals

Poor Mandi, CT has fully moved on to Laurel. Poor, drunk Mandi, who's doing that slow, emotional, slurring thing that all girls do. It's fun to watch all the guys make fun of her. Also poor Mandi because now she's hooking up with Wes. Ick.

Odd Couple of the Week: Paula and Mike. She would break him in half if they ever banged.

Challenge: Jump out over the water on to your partner, who is dangling over the water, then swing out, fall, and swim to a buoy. Evan throws the Challenge so he can go into the Jungle and take out CT, and it pisses Nehemiah off.

Winners: Laurel & Cara Maria and Kenny & Wes.

Losers: Evan & Nehemiah, and of course CT & Adam are chosen. There's a lot of manly posturing as Nehemiah and Evan are pissed at each other, but let's be honest here - Nehemiah would kick Evan's ass. I love Evan, but he's a pussy. Look at how he bitched about Nehemiah throwing his life jacket at him. Screw you, Evan. He would flinch like a mofo if Nehemiah came after him. I kind of hope Nehemiah throws the Jungle so Evan gets screwed. That would be quite hysterical, no?

The Jungle: They hang from a pole 25 feet above the ground and then move that pole down a jungle gym type thing using their momentum. It looks hella tough. And Evan's doughy ass and Adam's girly arms aren't going to make it long.

Bye-bye: Evan and Nehemiah. I'm kind of rooting for CT now because everyone else hates him. Everyone else sucks.

Captain America: Eff Yeah!

I loved Captain America: The First Avenger and thought it was another in the long line of amazing Marvel superhero flicks. They've all been so different when you think about it, too. It's pretty fun to have a superhero movie that's also a period piece set during WWII. It really worked.

Chris Evans kept the typical Snarky Chris Evans Schtick down to a dull roar. And I'm a fan of the typical Snarky Chris Evans Schtick! But it really wasn't there which was nice. You really just got a nice, kind of shy, heroic guy from him. Perfect for Captain America.

I didn't know how they were going to explain the whole "Captain America" name, outfit, etc, but the way they did was perfect. He was essentially a USO performer who then became a real soldier. A real soldier who can jump! and throw a shield! and kickass! I bought it; I loved it.

I have a question though - Captain America's still a virgin, right? A really hot, buff virgin?

But of course it was all just leading up to the teaser for The Avengers after the credits. I was seeing this movie a week later than normal because of Comic-Con, but the place was still pretty crowded. And everyone who stayed had a collective nerdgasm during the trailer, applause and shouting included. That was some geeky fun right there - can't wait til next summer!!!

SYTYCD: Results

Our opening number is a nice little circus-y thing by Tyce. But who cares when Cat is all sleek and lacy tonight?

If there's any justice, Sasha, Melanie, Tadd, and Marko are the final dancers. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Bottom Two Girls: Jordan and Caitlynn. Excellent. Halfway there.

Bottom Two Guys: Tadd and Jess. Oh snap! I mean, YAY about Jess. But Tadd? Eff you, America! OK, if he leaves, I'm pissed. Especially after Tadd's gravity-defying solo. Good stuff.

Our guest dancers were the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, who are always amazing. The guest performer was Lady Gaga, who I always fast forward through. Sorry, I've never really gotten it.

Bye-bye: Jess. YESSSSSSSSS!!!!! Jordan. Awwww. That's OK - it just means Caitlynn's out next week. That's easy.

SYTYCD: Performances

Guest Judges: Choreographer/Director Rob Marshall (a disturbing shade of orange) and Lady Gaga (her blue hair has nothing on Rob's orange face). Gaga ends up being constructively-critical; I'm a fan.

1. Sasha and Pasha (it rhymes!) - Quick Step by Some Dude. That's a hard style to judge, but she was great, of course. I just worry it won't connect with voters. (Yes, I worry about these things.)

2. Caitlynn and Ivan (who?) - Hip Hop by Some Crosseyed Dude. It was the most typically-crappy hip hop routine you could imagine. That's what a crosseyed choreographer and a white boy dancer gets you.

3. Jordan and Ade (yay!) - Jazz by Tyce. I love how Tyce has been slammed lately for his lazy-ass Broadway choreography. He annoys me. His Jazz is always 100 times better, and this was a decent routine. Loads of extensions and flexibility from Jordan.

4. Melanie and Neil (my boyfriend!!) - Contemporary by Mandy Moore. It was definitely athletic and flawless, with one massive jump-into-his-arms moment. The judges were creaming themselves over it. And yeah, they're probably the best dancers, but I wasn't THAT blown away by it. Do I need to clean my glasses or something? I think the song distracted me - "Total Eclipse of the Heart".

5. Ricky and Anya - Jive by Jason Gilkison. That's a tough one because you're always going to look at Anya's old ass, not the dude's. She even flipped his twink ass up in the air and over her head. It was fine and safe and forgettable.

6. Jess and Brunette Lauren - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Honestly, it would have been a great routine with another dude. Someone strong and tough? Yeah. Jess? No.

7. Tadd and Blond Lauren (yay!) - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was the most fun routine so far and I really like them as a couple.

8. Marko and Allison - Contemporary by Sonya. I am loving the lovely-not-quirky Sonya style lately. They had such gorgeous, fluid movement and were perfectly in sync. They make a really strong couple. Gaga cried, though I'm not sure why. Probably for attention.

And now we get regular couplings.

9. Tadd and Caitlynn - Foxtrot by Some Dude. It was a classic, lovely dance and I thought they were elegant and beautiful. It doesn't make you pick up the phone, but it makes you smile.

10. Marko and Ricky - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Male/male pairing hell yeah! It was pretty much the bomb, and the only way it could have been better if it was Marko and Tadd. Gotta love a high-energy, difficult routine set to old school Puff Daddy!

11. Jordan and Jess - Rumba by Jason Gilkison. Oh hell no he isn't going to be able to lift her big ass! The rumba is slow and weird. It's a lot of vamping and dragging about. He was incidental - no chemistry, you just focused on Jordan's big red ass. Nigel called her swayback deformed. Ha! The Adele song deserved way better.

12. Melanie and Sasha - Jazz by Sonya. OH HOLY CRAP THE 2 BEST GIRLS!! (Man, if they had paired Tadd and Marko my face would have exploded tonight!) Quirky, jazzy Sonya is back and I loved it! They were just wonderful together, so awesome and precise. Something tells me they'll be performing together in the finale too.

The Challenge: Rivals

Adam's in love with Jenn cuz he's into chicks with broad shoulders and horrible eyebrows. They make out, but then it's hysterical he said/she said time, as he brags about it to the guys and is clearly in love, while she disses him behind his back for being a gross loser.

Jasmine and Jonna do that drunk-girls-slow-talking-and-kind-of-fighting thing that girls do, and it somehow results in Jasmine stripping off her mic and saying she's leaving. But Evan just picks her ass up and has everyone treat Jasmine like a 3 year old, or a strung-out girl, and everything's fine.

Challenge: Extreme Whitewater Rapids! Extreme Snoring!

Winners: Jenn and Mandi.

Losers: Sarah and Katelynn. Everyone decides to send the fiery black chicks in against them - Jasmine and Jonna.

The Jungle: One girl is buried under hay and dirt. She has to be dug out by her partner and then they solve a puzzle together.

Bye-bye: Sarah and Katelynn, despite Sarah's insistence - in fact, her guarantee - that they would win any puzzle challenge. Good riddance - I'm sick of looking at Katelynn's disturbing close-eyes.

Breaking Bad

Walter does his gun shopping in a hotel room. He buys a gun with the serial number filed off and practices his draw in his condo. And he packs the gun along with his brown bag lunch.

Jesse has a Roomba and a sweet new sound system, and appears to be doing nothing but smoking. Badger and Skinny Pete come by to hang, and hilarity ensues. Jesse's back to full-on using and, despite their initial protests that they're doing the 12 steps, his boys join him. They debate video games and Nazi zombies, but Jesse doesn't appear to be having much fun, and can't get high enough. Time for a house party, after which the Roomba has a hard time maneuvering, what with all the passed-out bodies on the floor. Jesse's still able to go to work the next morning though, so more power to him.

Walter and Jesse have a new watcher, and Mike tells the guys they're never going to see Gus again. So much for being able to draw that gun. He drives by Gus's house at night and I'm just screaming, "Come on, idiot, leave it alone!" But oh snap - he puts on the Heisenberg hat!!!!!!! As he approaches the house, his phone rings - Walter's too dumb to put it on silent - and it's Mike - "Go home, Walter."

House Party Day 2, and this time they've ordered pizza from a place that doesn't slice it - that way they pass the savings on to you. Jesse's old girl comes by - he left her a fat wad of cash after he (well, Walter) killed the dudes who killed her brother. After a 3-day bender, everyone leaves and poor Jesse's left all alone with his feelings, so that won't end well.

Skyler runs surveillance on the car wash she wants to buy, so that she can make an appropriate offer to the owner. Mr. Eyebrows isn't interested in selling to Walter, since he quit and grabbed his nuts in his general direction.

Walter tries to bond with Mike over their fear of Gus. Walter wants to get in a room with Gus so that he can take care of things. Holy crap! Mike proceeds to beat the crap out of Walter; someone's displacing his anger.

And Hank? Hank has his minerals he's been buying off the internet -- a lot of minerals. And Marie is treating him a little too much like a child. She needs to back off.

Comic-Con 2011: Pictures

I just worked the pictures in to the blog posts from last week, but of course I have some Star Wars pictures for my nephew.




A dude's gotta fix his helmet....

SYTYCD: CliffsNotes Version

I'm too beat to do a full post, but I wanted to watch the show while I remained unspoiled.

I'll say that having the All Stars definitely elevated the dancers, and some pairings were simply amazing, like Sasha dancing with Twitch and Tadd dancing with Comfort. Also, Neil Patrick Harris is a great judge.

Bye-bye: Mitchell and Clarice. Damn, she finally got out from under Jess - and did a killer Bollywood routine with Robert - and now she leaves. I'm fine with it though - they deserve it over anyone else. Except maybe Jess.

Comic-Con 2011: Saturday

After spending Friday sitting on our asses, we decided to just walk around the Exhibit Hall Saturday morning. I attempted to get into the Community panel, but there was a huge line and I could tell that wasn't happening. So I lined up hoping to get into the Fringe panel later that afternoon.  I ended up getting a great seat at that panel, followed by a screening of the pilot for the new show, Alcatraz. 

Joshua Jackson wasn't scheduled to attend the panel (not surprising, given that he's always jet setting around the world with his fabulous girlfriend), but the rest of the cast was there. John Noble started things off really sweetly by thanking all of the fans for their support. He said that Comic-Con was like their Emmys. Such a cutie. Since Pacey wasn't there, they said the role of Peter was up for grabs and they showed a video of some auditions for the role.  Cue Zachary Quinto, Michael Emerson, Danny Pudi (with a huge gray mustache), and many others "auditioning" for the role. At the end, they featured an audition for the role of an Observer, and it was Pacey. When the lights came back on, Joshua Jackson came out in a suit and hat. The crowd went nuts!!!  He snuggled up next to John Noble. They were all adorable, as always, but of course didn't give away any secrets for next season, or what's going on with Peter. 











I was really looking forward to seeing Alcatraz, because that prison is simply my Favorite Place on Earth.  We took the night tour a couple years back and it's awesome.  I'd do it 100 times. Nothing like a prison at night. So anyway, I'd seriously watch the show just for the prison. The pilot was great (and not just as landmark porn); I'm excited to see what happens. According to the show, when the prison shut down in the 60s, it was because all of the prisoners and guards disappeared. Any transfer papers and death certificates have been forged. And now a prisoner has come back, he hasn't aged, and someone is instructing him to kill people.  I am looking forward to watching it - but it doesn't premiere until January!

Now Mike had been on the floor this whole time. As I walked down the Exhibit Hall to meet up with him, I passed by Anthony Head - Giles from Buffy the Vampire Slayer. And when I met up with Mike, he was taking pictures of Joss Whedon in the Marvel/Avengers booth. Double Buffy encounter!  So I show Mike the picture I took of Giles and he goes, "I was just talking to that dude about how crazy the crowds are!" The donk didn't realize who he was, but apparently the man has a nice watch - he scoped that out. 



A little more wandering about, and then dinner. Had a great time and we already have our tickets and hotel for next year, so we should be there!

Comic-Con 2011: Friday

We open the day with Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson. You can't beat that!! Geek heaven!! They're pimping a motion-capture animated pic, The Adventures of Tintin. I normally don't go for stop-motion animation, but it looked good. Again, I guess these guys know what they're doing. It definitely already looked better than The Polar Express, and what we saw was a work-in-progress.


The Relativity panel brought Haywire and The Raven. Haywire is directed by Steven Soderbergh and stars a female MMA fighter. We saw some awesome, intense action from this female-Jason-Bourne film. I wonder if it'll get a wide release, but it stars a bunch of guys and has a woman kicking realistic ass, so I want to check it out. John Cusack and James McTeigue were promoting The Raven, a fictional account of Edgar Allan Poe being caught up in a series of copycat murders. It had a Sherlock Holmes feel to it. It looked interesting, but also like it could go either way. Cusack's quirky and looks like 16-year-old John Cusack, but hopefully he can pull this off. It looks spooky and gothic so it should be cool.


Next up was the latest Underworld sequel. It's what you would expect, which is to say I enjoy Kate Beckinsale kicking ass in black latex. Then Attack the Block, from the geniuses behind Shaun of the Dead. Edgar Wright is brilliant. It's essentially The Wire meets an alien invasion, set in inner city London. Looks both funny and scary.

Fright Night was up next. It was cold in Hall H, but you wouldn't know it from the way Colin Ferrell had his shirt unbuttoned. He also showed everyone his ass when he bent over to sign an autograph. He may have been going commando. The clips they showed looked cool and the cast was fun. Colin Ferrell was very cool about the fact that, yes, he has done some crap movies, but he's trying to be more selective. He was really sweet to people who asked questions.

Up next was the big Sony panel, with about 100 films. First was a new Ghost Rider sequel. Now who the hell needs that when the first one sucked? Well, this one looks darker and more adult, plus the directors really sucked me in with their rock-and-roll filmmaking style. They are very hands-on and work the cameras while a) being pulled behind a motorcycle on rollerblades and b) being lifted through the air on wires, just like the actors. So if anything, it might be interesting to see the movie for the style. Shocker: Nicolas Cage is weird.


Next up was 30 Minutes or Less and what we saw of it was hysterical. Way funnier than the trailers have been. Danny McBride wasn't there (sadness) but sent a hilarious video, and we got Aziz Ansari and Nick Swardson, so it's all good.

Total Recall was the one I was most excited for, because I wanted to see what it looked like, plus Bryan Cranston (aka The Man) was there. And he got a LOT of love from the audience - lots of questions and mad props. And he was hysterical, of course. Love him. Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, and John Cho were also there. It's a great cast - and the footage we saw was awesome. Honestly, I've never seen the original the whole way through, but this looks different. They're still filming, but showed us pretty much the entire beginning action sequence, even with some CGI-storyboard stuff in there. It looked great and I'm excited for Colin Farrell as an action guy! And of course The Man as a villain.






The Amazing Spider-Man closed out the day. Now just like Thursday, we were very close to the front of Hall H, and seated right near the question queue. A dude in a crappy Spider-Man costume jumps up to the microphone and starts spouting hilarious, awkward stuff about loving Spider-Man as a kid, etc., etc. He rips off his mask and it's Andrew Garfield. He was so adorable I fell in love. He was reading from notes and his hands were shaking. He said he's always loved Spider-Man and he's always wanted to come to Comic-Con and he was just geeky and appreciative and adorable. Then he introduced the cast and crew and ran on stage. Emma Stone was there - major girl crush. They showed the trailer that was leaked online earlier. And then they showed a lot more footage, and again unfinished stuff, which I actually enjoy seeing. It looks good. I'm pretty much sold just based on how cute Emma Stone and Andrew Garfield are.



As always, though I have grand plans to attend panels like "The Science of Zombies" or attempt to make a line for screenings, at day's end I'm just hungry and tired and so we have dinner and pass out.

Comic-Con 2011: Thursday

I'm in San Diego for Comic-Con 2011, and so I should probably brag about that.

We spent Thursday morning in the Exhibit Hall to avoid the Twilight: Breaking Dawn panel. We got some cool stuff from The Walking Dead and saw Chris Evans and Hulk Hogan signing autographs. Toward the end of the Twilight panel, we headed to Hall H, thinking we could line up, as the place would empty out immediately following. Imagine my surprise when we were able to get seats. Either Hall H is bigger than I thought, or 6500 Twi-hards couldn't get their passes this year. What I saw of the panel was what I remembered from years ago - they're all just weird and awkward, and even from the back I could hear shrieking when Jacob took his shirt off in the trailer. I also got to hear a young girl ask if Edward enjoyed making a baby with Bella. So yeah- how can you not be awkward on that panel?



Once all the Tweens and their moms left, we were able to move very close to the front.  The Film District panel featured Drive and Don't Be Afraid of the Dark. The former looks like a retro, badass action flick and the latter looks scary as hell. I don't know if I'll see it, but Guillermo Del Toro produced it and he is simply awesome. He is funny and self-depricating and geeky and I love him. He traveled here from Toronto to do Comic-Con despite having a bad back. You wouldn't know it, except that he mentioned it. He was still funny and vulgar (man uses the f-word like a god) and wonderful. 

Pee Wee Herman popped by unexpectedly and randomly to do a little panel and he was hysterical. He's working on a Pee Wee road trip movie with Judd Apatow. 

The 20th Century Fox panel gave us Charlize Theron for Prometheus, Andy Serkis for Rise of the Planet of the Apes, and Justin Timberlake and Amanda Seyfried for In Time. Ridley Scott is directing Prometheus, and he did a video chat from Iceland. He's awesome too. Just so smart and personable and awesome. Funny too. He's doing the movie in 3D (the clips we saw were cool - it's kind of set in the Alien world without being a prequel) and says he'll only work in 3D from now on. I'm not a big fan of 3D, but he said he does it because of the depth of field and how you get enveloped by what's going on in the background. So I'll let the master slide on this one. 

Andy Serkis talked about doing motion capture for the main ape in Rise. He's made me a believer - it looks really cool and I hope it's good. If anything, it'll be interesting to watch it for the technical aspects. 

Mike got a major Nerd Boner when JT (he's a big fan of his SNL work) came out for an Andrew Niccol (he wrote Gattaca) film, In Time. And I'll tell you, that movie looks cool. Total sci-fi set in an original world. In the future, time is currency and no one lives past 25 unless you buy, earn, or otherwise get extra time. Weird premise, but the clips looked great. It'll be cool to see some original sci-fi action. And, yeah, I enjoy JT as an actor. Actually, there are a bunch of great actors in the movie, including Pete Campbell from Mad Men looking like a total asshole villain. Can't wait. 



We closed out the day with a panel featuring Jon Favreau and Guillermo Del Toro shooting the shit. They're both incredibly funny, they're both fanboys, and they have a real friendship and respect for each other. It was awesome to listen to them. They talked about everything, Guillermo cursed a lot, called himself a "weird, fan m-fer" twice, and gave out his email address. On occasion, he invites random fans to the set. Seriously, the guy is amazing. I am deeply in love with Guillermo Del Toro.

 

How we really closed out the day was with an amazing Mexican meal at Fred's. I love nothing more than a great meal after a long, hard day of sitting on my ass. 

The Challenge: Rivals

Laurel's in love with CT too. But he's Mandi's, bitch. Jesus, these girls. Classy. The classiest thing yet is when Mandi leans over to hug Paula near the pool and the editors have to put a big black dot over her cooch. Klass.

Challenge: Move across hammocks strung up over the water. It made me queasy just watching it; I hate how unstable hammocks are. This would definitely be nearly impossible, and people are DQ'ing left and right.

Winners: Johnny & Tyler. None of the girls made it within 15 minutes (and only 1 team made it at all).

Losers: Kenny & Wes. They DQ'd like bitches, Kenny's lost whatever mojo he once had, and they choose to go against Brandon & Ty.

The Jungle: Wet rope climbing. It comes down to Wes v. Brandon and Wes absolutely pwns him when Brandon can barely make it out of the water.

Bye-bye: Brandon & Ty.

Damn You, QT!!!!

This man is really testing my patience with casting for his next flick. But he is a god, and so I must trust in him.

Quentin Tarantino never has trouble putting together good casts for his films, but his Sergio Leone-style Spaghetti Western Django Unchained is turning out to be quite something. Kevin Costner is in negotiations to join a cast that is headed by Jamie Foxx, Christoph Waltz, Samuel L. Jackson and Leonardo DiCaprio.

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Breaking Bad

I am addicted to Breaking Bad. I can't believe it took me this long to watch it, but holy hell is it good. I started catching up just a few months ago and I've already watched all 3 seasons through twice. It was probably best to start late, as people have been waiting a whole year for it to return, whereas I only had to wait a few weeks. The agony of the wait might have done me in. But it's over now, everybody. You know I love a show when I stay up until 10 to watch it. Let the new season commence.

When we last left off, Jesse was killing Gale on Walter's orders so that Walter could continue to be King of the Cooks (and continue to live). We open with a flashback of a giddy, nerdy Gale setting up the lab. Originally, Gus's lab was meant for Gale alone, until Gale got all horny over the purity of Walter's product and convinced Gus to hire on Walter. Gotta have the pure stuff.

Gus's guy verifies that Gale's dead and then makes Jesse drive him back to the lab, where Walter and Mike are waiting. (P.S.: I love Mike the Cleaner.) It's a long night, as they all sit there waiting for Gus to arrive. Walt's all, "We need to start a cook to keep to the schedule." Got to love the man's devotion to his job.

Skyler calls Saul (who's paranoid as hell and checking his office for bugs) looking for Walter. He's no help, so she drives over to Walt's condo and lies to a locksmith to get inside. This fat bitch is really good at lying. (P.S.: I hate that fat bitch.)

Back at the lab, Gus's guy is doing the cooking with Walter hilariously muttering that he's going to forget something. And then Gus arrives. Things aren't hilarious anymore. He simply walks past Walter and starts suiting up in protective gear. He says nothing, so of course Walter fills the silence, desperate to save his skin and blame Gus for Gale's death.

Jesus, this show does tension unlike any other. Walter's blabbering (never understood what all the Bryan Cranston fuss was about - until I started watching this show) and Gus is walking around silently with a boxcutter. It's like, I'm pretty sure they wouldn't kill Jesse or Walter in the first episode, and yet you never really know with this show, I swear. So the tension kills me. But Gus takes the boxcutter and slits his guy's throat with it while staring at Walt, then slowly removes the protective suit, gets dressed, and walks out after saying, "Well? Get back to work." Goddamn, that Gus is freaking terrifying. Even worse than crazy Tuco, but not as horrifying as Tuco's uncle with the bell. I hate that guy.

Seriously, I don't know if I was breathing there. Now I'm actually thankful for commercial breaks - I need a minute! I'm assuming Gus did that for 2 reasons - his guy had been seen at Gale's apartment and it makes a nice point for Walter and Jesse as well.

My boys are on body disposal duty - out comes the acid - and it makes me long for Season 1. Over breakfast at Denny's, Walter's concerned about Jesse, but also wants to start planning their next move. He knows they've only bought themselves some time.

And in the land of the Schraders, Hank's a miserable cripple who bids on minerals online and shits in a bedpan. Poor Hank. Or poor Marie. I don't know which is worse.

Welcome back, show! I love you!

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

I do weird things to amuse myself. I enjoy pretending that I find Ron Weasley sexy - I even have a Ron Weasley tee shirt. But I don't know who the hell Ron Weasley is. I've never read any of the Harry Potter books, because reading is for losers. I tried watching the first movie twice, but fell asleep both times. But the ultimate amusement I've found with Harry Potter? I watched the final movie, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2. It's like watching a popular series Memento-style. Except that I don't plan on continuing.

The movie was exactly what I thought Harry Potter was all about - wand-pointing and wizardry. I followed it well enough, because ol' HP has invaded pop culture so much that you can't help but have some knowledge of the universe. This was probably the best one for me to watch, as it appears all the kiddie stuff and teen angst was in the previous movies. I pretty much got right to the action. And, of course, Ron Weasley removed his shirt.

SYTYCD: Results

I was traveling for work, but remain unspoiled as to the results. The key is avoiding the ol' Google Reader.

Nigel makes the bloody awful announcement that, while they asked Alex Wong to come back as an All-Star, he snapped his other Achilles tendon on Saturday. Jesus Christ!!!! This is devastating!!!!

All Stars: Melody, Allison, Pasha, Twitch, Comfort, Chelsie, Brandon, Kathryn, and Robert. I don't know Melody because she's Season 1, but I'm all in on everyone else. Except for Pasha, of course. Ugh.

Bottom Three:

Caitlynn and Mitchell - her solo was really good and Mitchell's was amazing and strong.

Ryan and Ricky - Ryan's solo was typical and meh but his was really sharp and lean. Loved it.

Sasha and Alexander - Her solo was gorgeous, of course, but he did a cartwheel and landed on his toe and it was incredible! He gets my respect just for that one move.

The guest dance performance was a rap/tap group. It was awesome, and featured that White Tap Chick from last year.

Bye-bye: Ryan and Alexander. Perfect decisions. You know, since Jess wasn't an option.

Emmy Nominations

Like a kid on Christmas morning, I was excited for the Emmy Nominations.

There aren't a hell of a lot of surprises, really. (Fringe being snubbed is no shock any more, but I wish Community had gotten some love.)

But let's celebrate the nominations for Justified!!! YAYYYY!

Outstanding Lead Actor: Timothy Olyphant
Supporting Actress: Margo Martindale
Supporting Actor: Walton Goggins (BOYD!!!!)
Outstanding Guest Actor: Jeremy Davies

Other notes:

Jesus Christ, I think the whole cast of Modern Family was nominated. I clearly have to give in and watch it.

I've finally started watching Game of Thrones and I'm all-in when I didn't expect to be. It's amazing. Yay Peter Dinklage.

CAT DEELEY!!!!

And also yay for Louis C.K.!

Full list here

SYTYCD: Performances

Next week it's All Star time and I'm going to be at Comic-Con, not watching. Crap. Cat's eye makeup is making her eyes look even wonkier tonight - it's uneven as hell. Someone help my girl!

Guests Judges: The Gay Guy From Modern Family and Sonya. He ends up being funny and a big fan too.

Two routines from everyone tonight. Time to dance your asses off, kids!

1. Sasha and Alexander

a. Paso Doble by Tony & Melanie. I love me a good paso doble and they were great. Sasha is a thing of beauty - can't wait til she gets paired with an All Star and loses Alexander and his face.

b. Jazz by Tyce. They deserve better, or at least she does. She was great. Amazing. I really need her to stick around to get paired with an All Star.

2. Jordan and Tadd

a. Contemporary by Travis Wall. It was a different kind of Travis routine - intense and explosive. Very cool, and they were amazing. Jordan had a million great leg extension things. She ruled.

b. Broadway by Spencer Liff. It was kind of a dull routine, even though it seemed like it should have been peppy and fun. I didn't get it. Neither did Sonya. Boring. They deserved wayyyyy better.

3. Ryan and Ricky

a. Broadway by Spencer Liff. Did they dance at all? I didn't see any dancing. But they bore me, and so does Broadway. The judges pretty much slammed it, so I guess I didn't miss much. Zzzzzzz. Let's hope they get some energy before their next performance.

b. Cha Cha by Louis Van Amstel. Oh so that's where their energy went - crazy routine! And I don't want to admit it, since they bother me, but they were good and he was excellent.

4. Caitlynn and Mitchell

a. Hip hop by Christopher Scott. But not just any hip hop -- it's about Ugandan children forced into war. Mmmm-kay. I didn't get Ugandan children out of it - like, AT ALL, but it was alright and I thought Caitlynn was hella good. White girl can dance, if not play an abducted-war-child. The dumbest thing they ever did was mention the effing war babies.

b. Contemporary by Travis Wall. Another atypical Travis routine - had a rock edge to it. It was good and she's just gorgeous.

5. Melanie and Marko

a. American Tango by Louis Van Amstel. They were great and the final move was incredible - a crazy, pull-her-through-his-legs-and-back-up thing. She was sexy again. Yay Melanie!

b. Contemporary by Dee Caspary. Goddamn, I'm going to miss them dancing together. :( Until the finale when I'm sure they'll be paired up again. Cuz they are in it to win it, kids!!!!

6. Clarice and Jess

a. Lyrical Hip Hop by Christopher Scott. This one's about a woman's insecurities - which is a little more manageable than war orphans. But god I don't want to see Jess doing hip hop. His moves were definitely way too smooth and not at all hard-hitting. I can't wait til she loses this zero too! The judges ate it up. They suck.

b. Jive by Tony & Melanie. Oh Christ. Jive and Jess. No thanks. He had to lift her a couple times, which does him no favors. Cuz seriously, it looks like the little man's going to break his back. But he can kick his legs. Good for him. Die.

I'm worried that Caitlynn and Mitchell are going to be in trouble....

I Was Scared

But Harper is lovely. Seven doesn't make much sense, but whatever - at least it's the middle name.

David and Victoria Beckham have announced the name of their new baby girl - Harper Seven Beckham!

“I am so proud and excited to announce the birth of our daughter Harper Seven Beckham. She weighed a healthy 7lbs 10oz and arrived at 7:55 this morning, here in LA. Victoria is doing really well and her brothers are delighted to have a baby sister xx,” David wrote on his Facebook account.

David and Victoria already have three sons together - Brooklyn, 12; Romeo, 8; and Cruz, 6.

Horrible Bosses Wasn't

Here's a miracle -- a Jennifer Aniston/Jamie Foxx movie that I enjoyed. It truly is The End of Days.

Horrible Bosses is a solid R-rated comedy. I wouldn't say it's The Hangover, but it might be The Hangover Part II. Definitely funny, and in a good, crude way. LOVE the leads in this movie - Jason Bateman, Jason Sudeikis, and Charlie Day are a comedy dream team as far as I'm concerned. They're all adorable and hysterical. And make the movie succeed in spite of Those Who Shall Not Be Named. Hell, They were even kind of funny. Sue me.

Charlie Day needs to make more movies. Immediately.

The Challenge: Rivals

Mandi is Wes's "#1 target". Oh, Wes, such a romantic. Too bad for him, Mandi wants to get choked by CT. Literally.

Wes tries to provoke CT by throwing his mattress outside. Man, I wish CT would pummel him. Instead, he just gets in his face and curses him out. Not as fun.

Challenge: You're in a box filled with 1000 pounds of sand and you have to shovel that sand out with your hands to raise the box above the water, then jump to a zip line as far as you can and swim the rest of the way.

Jonna and Jasmine throw their sand on the other team - ha! The water must do crazy things to Jonna's hair because it's now a massive Brillo pad. Katelynn and Mike look like twins. It's frightening. Mike lands in the water with Leroy landing directly on top of him. He then hysterically cry-swims and coughs up blood. Pussy.

Winners: CT & Adam and Evelyn & Paula. Jesus, they both won last week too.

Losers: Cara Maria and Laurel. Camila and Theresa are picked to go in, and bitch and moan about wanting to quit, and planning to throw the challenge. But that's all part of their "psychological game."

The Jungle: They have to turn these doors on a giant wall so that the logos face their team - while the other team is also turning them to their side. Then, after 5 minutes, the team with the most logos wins.

Bye-bye: Camila and Theresa. So much for the psychological game.

SYTYCD: Results

We open with a typically-fun group Bollywood number and Cat all sequined-out. The giant metal belt kills the look though.

Bottom Three:

Ashley and Chris - of course
Jordan and Tadd - that's just BS! And Jess's ass is safe.
Ryan and Ricky - good

Still predicting Ashley and Chris go.

Guest dance performance: Cedar Lake Contemporary Ballet. Wow, contemporary ballet is funky. Sasha could fit in there.

Ashley's solo is pretty standard, Chris's is a-freaking-mazing. Jordan's seemed short but she had loads of good extensions (like I know what I'm talking about). She's better when choreographed. Tadd's was a lot of tricks, but damn I love me some Tadd. Ryan was probably the best girl. Ricky's was pretty good, but kind of standard contemporary.

Guest musical performance: Florence + the Machine, which I watched the whole way through because her voice is incredible - and she sounded great live. YAY!

Bye-bye: Ashley and Chris. Booyah! I think Black Barbie could have been really good if she had a better partner, maybe he could have elevated her. Luck of the draw, baby.

SYTYCD: Performances

Cat's looking lovely again, with a cute ponytail and a gorgeous blue Asian-inspired mini-dress. Kisses.

Guest Judges: Carmen Electra and Travis Wall. Damn, no Travis routines tonight then. I look forward to his critiques - bet they're actually insightful and helpful.

The guys' group routine was a really great contemporary piece by a new choreographer. A very cool routine for the guys and they were all great - Marko in particular was really powerful.

1. Melanie and Marko - Jazz by Ray Leeper (who?). Their routine seemed to go on forever - maybe they're all longer this week since there are fewer dancers. It was the first time I thought Melanie was sexy. She's always good, but not really hot. It was a fun routine and they were great together.

2. Sasha and Alexander - Hip Hop by some other new dude (bonus: Asian!). I guess it's New Choreographer Night. That's probably a good thing. The routine was a smooth number and really good. Sasha is a-freaking-mazing and they partnered really well together. The judges mostly didn't like it.

3. Jordan and Tadd - Smooth Waltz by Toni Redpath (haven't seen her in a while!). It was a gorgeous routine and once again the girls kill it - Jordan was really good. They're a great pair too. Love me some Tadd.

4. Clarice and Jess - Contemporary by Justin Giles (same guy from the guys' routine). The routine had some cool, hard-hitting moves but felt hella short, especially compared to the other ones. It was definitely the best they've done. But I still hate him.

5. Ashley and Chris - Salsa by a Salsa chick. Seriously - it's New Choreographer Night! I like it! For once, I felt like I got some performance out of her, and that she wasn't just a Black Barbie. He was hella stiff though. Probably overall the weakest so far tonight.

6. Ryan and Ricky - Jazz by Some Dude Named Chucky. A Cooky Dude Named Chucky. I heart Chucky. The routine was this bizarre, 80s-looking thing, and their costumes were fugly, but they really sold it. They did really well in a routine that wasn't particularly amazing, just quirky.

7. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Contemporary by Mandy Moore. So much for the new blood, the cross-eyed bitch is back. The routine was actually really good and hard too - loads of lifts, crazy jumps, they were all over the stage and great ground work too. Mary loved it the most and she's probably right - it was emotional without being sad, it was more joyful. Loved it. Caitlynn's gorgeous.

Ray Leefer did the girls' Jazz routine that was sexy and cool. The girls were all synched-up, it was cool.

I think Ashley and Chris will be gone tomorrow. They should be anyway.

I Guess Ethnic Names Get a Pass?

Natalie Portman and fiancé Benjamin Millepied get an A-plus for the name they picked for their baby boy.

Their son's name is Aleph, a source confirms to PEOPLE.

So what's in a name? Aleph is the first letter of the Hebrew alphabet, much like alpha is the first letter of the Greek alphabet. Aleph is the number 1 in Hebrew and can also be spelled "alef."

Its esoteric meaning in Judaic Kabbalah, as denoted in the theological treaty Sefer-ha-Bahir, relates to the origin of the universe, the "primordial one that contains all numbers."

Whatevs. Sounds like Alf to me.

source

Transformers: Dark of the Moon

I feel like the title is missing a word. Is it just me?

Anyway, I'm happy to report the third Transformers is better than the crappy second, but probably not as good as the first. The first just had the advantage of being first. The beauty of watching an Autobot transform just isn't the same when you're jaded and have seen it 100 times.

Still, what I hated about the second one was all the robots talking. This time the robots just fight, as the good lord intended. It's your typical Michael Bay production - swinging camera shots, that weird golden lighting, a chick who just needs to stand there (or run) and look pretty. She does look pretty too - though I still prefer Megan Fox, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley is no slouch.

If it's possible, this movie was even more violent and destructive than the others. I mean, you have an entire city practically bombed-out and decapitations left and right. They're robot decapitations, but if I saw 1 "spinal column" ripped out of a body I saw 3. Not that I'm complaining.

The Challenge: Rivals

The newest guy, Michael, is talking about farming wheat or something. It's pretty funny watching everyone's faces as they listen to him blabber on about it. Nerd.

My sister had this theory that Zombie TJ isn't really there. It would certainly account for all the voiceovers. At first there's nothing to disprove that. In fact, the cars look totally green-screened behind him. So my theory is that he can only be propped-up half the time. He rallies for the times when he has to be in the house interacting, and does the exteriors from bed.

What drug is Jonna on? Coke? Cuz she moves really quickly -- when just talking to the camera. Fidgety bitch.

I don't even know what the challenge is - I never pay attention anyway, and now I'm too busy trying to determine if Zombie TJ is real. Something about using a bulldozer to drag cars through a field. One person operates the bucket and one person drives. I don't think it's a good idea for these drunkards to be operating heavy machinery.

Winners: Evelyn & Paula and Adam & CT.

Losers: Wes & Kenny. They choose Tyrie & Davis, cuz I guess the guys' plan is to just pick their own opponents.

In tonight's drunken fight, the fiery black chicks go up against the fiery Latinas. Lots of screaming and arm movements. Jasmine punches a mirror.

The Jungle: You're joined with your partner and have to ram the other pair out of the circle. So just loads of manly pushing. And Tyrie's a bigums.

Bye-bye: Tyrie & Davis.

SYTYCD: Results

The group number is a terribly complex little routine choreographed by some unknown dude. It looked hard and was forgettable.

Cat's looking a mess, with whore eye-makeup, some pink thing in her hair, and some giant colorful bird Bedazzled on to her neck, like instead of a necklace it's a rhinestone tattoo. She even has some random braid in her hair. With Cat, it's either GORGEOUS or HOT MESS - no in-between - and tonight it's HOT MESS.

Bottom Three:

Ashley and Chris - his solo was pretty cool
Miranda and Robert - her solo was really good
Caitlynn and Mitchell - she was good and he was just alright

I'd send home Ashley and Mitchell. But I'm just pissed we still have Jess.

The guest dance performance was a couple where the dude was in a wheelchair. I tried not to gawk. Or laugh. Then we got another one (no musical guest! yay!) which was some super-strong dude and old-looking chick it was really acrobatic. Crazy partnering.

Bye-bye: Robert and Miranda. HOLY CRAP! They just got done saying she was the most improved girl! I'm fine with it though, I didn't love her. And he was usually more annoying than not, so that's fine too. They weren't gonna win. Peace out.

SYTYCD: Performances

Cat's looking fabulous with a wavy little faux-bob and a sparkly flapper dress. God, I'm in love. She looks AMAZING. At one point, when Nigel kissed Mary, Cat said it was like walking in on Mom and Dad. I love Cat so effing much.

Our Guest Judge is Kristin Chenoweth (who I normally can't stand, but Pushing Daisies redeemed her temporarily), plus we get Lil C. If he says "what not" one more time I'll kill him and what not.

Aside from the pair performances, there are 2 group performances. Tyce's half of the dancers did a typical Tyce routine - good but forgettable. The final Dee Caspary routine was much the same. On to the couples.

1. Sasha and Alexander - Contemporary by Dee Caspary. They danced in and around a piano and it was really good. Mostly because Sasha is just incredible to watch.

2. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Samba by Jean-Marc Généreux. Samba's all about the hips, and they were definitely killing it. Mitchell's giant bubble butt was distracting, but I really like Caitlynn.

3. Miranda and Robert - Broadway/Jazz/Who knows the difference by Tyce. It was the usual high-energy, corny Tyce routine. Robert always seems like he's more interested in how he looks than partnering. His face bothers me.

4. Melanie and Marko - Lyrical Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It's a best-friends-in-love routine. He's crying as it starts and they kiss halfway through it, so you know the 12-year-olds (including me) are going crazy for this. They make a really nice couple, despite the fact that her face is squishy and bothersome.

5. Ashley and Chris - Jazz by Sonya. It was well done, but I agree with Nigel when he said he didn't connect with it. There wasn't a lot of interesting performance there - technically it was cool and sharp, but something was lacking.

6. Clarice and Jess - Foxtrot by Jean-Marc Généreux. It was a non-special foxtrot. He nearly caved under her weight when he lifted her, so that was funny. But otherwise, it was good, but nothing fabulous stood out. The judges worshiped it. They're corny. Whatevs.

7. Ryan and Ricky - Contemporary by Sonya. It was a non-crazy Sonya - has she ever done anything like that before? I don't like it. I didn't feel any kind of emotional connection or performance from them. Boo. The judges creamed themselves over it. It must be a full moon.

8. Jordan and Tadd - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a little trifle of a routine, with one-night-stand connotations that are good for 12-years-olds. Tadd's awesome.

So mostly I'm bothered by Ryan and Jess and want them dead. Or gone. Whichever.

The Challenge: Rivals

It's all about the rivalries, baby! Time to pair up people who hate each other and have hit each other, so that maybe they can do it again! This challenge has, as Robin says, a big group of assholes. Which means it's gong to be A. MAY. ZING.

TJ isn't dead after all, or maybe he is and now Zombie TJ is hosting. I think I'll go with that. Zombie TJ has to do a lot more voiceovers than TJ ever did.

The Teams:
CT and Adam. Cara Maria and Laurel. Johnny and Tyler. Theresa and Camila. Evan and Nehemiah (really, Evan has a rivalry?). Paula and Evelyn. Davis and Tyrie. Jenn and Mandi (barely remember her). Leroy and Adam (from a Real World I didn't watch). Sarah and Katelynn (I've been waiting for her ass to show up on a Challenge!). Ty and Brandon (who?). Jasmine and Jonna (again, something I didn't watch, but it's 2 black chicks - so watch out). Aneesa and Robin. Kenny and Wes.

So a lot of these pairings are actually making sense, but some are forced. Kenny's great for the comedy - he's perfect for this rivalry type of show; he's always doing lots of joning. Plus Evan's there so I expect some good man-on-man action between those two.

The Big Revelations: CT's brother was murdered, so he's a changed man now. Sure, there won't be any unresolved anger issues there. And OMFG Robin has a son???? WHAT!? Poor kid.

Challenge: Tandem long jumps off the edge of a cliff.

Winners: Adam & Leroy and Jonna & Jasmine. Oh snap, son, the new kids won! Everyone else is old and fat. HAHA!

Losers: Evelyn and Paula. Since it's a Women's Elimination this week, they automatically go to The Jungle, and everyone has to deliberate to decide who goes up against them. Everyone pretty quickly decides it'll be Team Fat Ass a/k/a Aneesa and Robin.

Time to let the Pre-Elimination Drunken Debauchery (TM) begin. First makeout: Jasmine and Tyrie, despite her "boyfriend at home". Ty begins his random attacks on people, telling Laurel she's tall and her legs have "hella cellulite". LOFL! Then he tries to fight Unknown Adam. Unknown Adam is a hothead and goes right for him. BOOYAH! First punch: Unknown Adam. In the process, he knocks over Mandi and her head hits the ground. She'll be OK though because she thinks CT is her knight in shining armor (while he's making fun of the size of her head behind her back - LOL). Unknown Adam will continue to be Unknown, as he is kicked off the show before the first episode even ends. He's got a replacement, because they always have to have people on standby in case of punching. Michael joins Leroy. Again, who the hell is he and also he seems to be boys with Leroy - so much for rivals.

The Jungle: Some kind of indescribable thing where each pair is standing on a platform that gets slowly pulled apart. Last team standing wins.

Bye-bye: Robin and Aneesa. Damn, I'll miss having Robin there. Go raise your kid, bitch.

Worst Name Ever

Bear Blu Jarecki. But this kid is pretty damn cute. Lucky him.

God I Hate Tom Cruise

But this is the only "Tom Cruise movie" I look forward to seeing. Ever. Guess why. Unf.

SYTYCD: Results

Tonight's episode was brought to you by Jet Blue and DirecTV, while I was en route to New York.

Cat makes some hangover joke that the 12 year olds in the audience hopefully don't get. She's looking amazing in a red dress.

The group number is utterly forgettable and everyone's dressed identically so you can't even tell who's who. Oh god - that was a Dave Scott routine? It sucked.

Bottom Three:

Wadi and Missy - Duh
Iveta and Nick - That's BS but at least we'll see his solo
Ryan and Ricky - Duh

The guest dance performance is Rage Crew - a gang of awesome kids we've seen 100 times but they're still good.

Wadi's bag o' tricks didn't astound me. I'm not sure that what Missy did is legally considered dancing. And Nick? Love. At this point the TV on the plane cut out which is perfect because screw Iveta. Ricky's solo was petty damn good and Ryan's was fine.

Without my trusty DVR, I had to sit through a lip-sync-tastic performance by LMFAO, but at least the dancers were Hok and his team of amazing Asians.

Bye-bye:
Iveta and Missy. YAY!!!! Wadi and Nick. BOO!!! I'm sad my white boy's gone, but Ricky's solo really was freaking good, so I'll allow it.

SYTYCD: Performances

So here we are, once again with 20 dancers. Let's see if the results are any different this time. Our Guest Judge is Debbie Reynolds. She has nothing to contribute to this show. I mean, I'm not gonna hate, the old bitch had some cute old-lady things to say, but nothing of substance. I should just be glad she kept it brief. Hella brief.

1. Ryan and Ricky - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was a weird routine, in that it felt less like dancing and more like striking poses. To me anyway. But it was Jazz set to Robert Palmer, so I guess that's what it was supposed to be. Ryan disturbs me because she looks 35, but I think she's only 18. She also appears to be 8 feet tall.

2. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Contemporary by Stacey Tookey - to "Turning Tables" by Adele. When I first heard that album I was like, there are 100 songs on this thing that will be used on SYTYCD. It was a really pretty routine - he hit her in the nose early on and so the blood on her nose was distracting, but kind of cool too, fitting the dramatic dance. I rewound this one to watch again.

3. Missy and Wadi - Cha Cha by Jean-Marc Généreux. Lots of Missy Vamping while B-Boy Wadi just kind of stood there. And I could tell that he was being lazy with his arms, and if I could tell, then you know it was bad.

4. Iveta and Nick - Bollywood by the Indian Dude. It was lightning-fast, a really hard routine. The kind where they got out of sync a couple times and you could really see the struggle on their faces. They looked like they were really working. They did really well, but if you looked at their faces you could see the concentration vs. just seeing the fun.

5. Miranda and Robert - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon - to some classic Busta Rhymes. He absolutely owned the routine. She looked like she was working, but she was good. He was just hella smooth.

6. Clarice and Jess - Contemporary by Stacey Tookey. Little Jess had to execute a lot of lifts. There's a struggle there. Clarice seems to be a lovely dancer, which you could really see when they were dancing separately, but Jess has zero charisma/appeal and so as partners they suck. Ugh.

7. Jordan and Tadd - Viennese Waltz by Jean-Marc Généreux. It was really lovely and wonderful!!! Just one of those delightful flowy dances, with some great lifts too. Tadd's a B-Boy and he was amazing!! He definitely put Wadi to shame. I knew one of my Asians was gonna be a sleeper this year!

8. Melanie and Marko - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was kind of a classic Jazz routine, with hats and everything. Marko lost his hat once, but got it back nicely. I think they make a nice pair and I really like how both of them dance.

9. Sasha and Alexander - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Another soldier-back-from-war piece. Oh, but this show loves to be topical, what with Obama's speech and all. Stop bringing up politics, I'm trying to enjoy dancing. Sasha is a really fierce dancer, and I look forward to her doing a lot more - and with a less-annoying partner. She was great and is a great actress. They made Debbie and Mary cry.

10. Ashley and Chris - Broadway by Spencer Liff. There are prison bars involved. He stood out to me more than she did, but damn can that girl kick. It was a good routine and they did well.

I'm traveling tomorrow, and if everything goes to plan I'll be watching the Results Show from my seat on Jet Blue.

Green Lantern

I don't even know what to say.

Honestly, I wanted to just write, "That. Effing. Sucked."

Here -- let me offer Mike's review: "It was alright. I hope it makes a lot of money so they can make another one and improve it."

If you know Mike, that's the equivalent of the Worst. Movie. Ever.

OK. So. Green Lantern. I guess from the beginning I was worried I wouldn't like it. Because of it being so alien and about outer space and not based in realism. But then I saw Thor. I had the same worries about Thor and it turned out fine. And I mean, come on - Ryan Reynolds! He's hot and snarky - gotta love him.

No.

Dialogue? Atrocious. "Plot"? Nonexistent. Character development? Zippy. No, really, the dialogue was so awful it was cringe-worthy. Corny (and NOT corny in a self-aware way, just plain bad) and stilted and lifeless. The whole movie was joyless. I think that sums it up. Look, they're not all gonna be The Dark Knight, but at least be entertaining. If I were the kind of person who would walk out of a movie, I would have left this one. It's that horrid.

I'm disappointed. I was hoping it would be decent. But if you see one movie about an intergalactic corps of aliens that save the universe starring Ryan Reynolds, make it Super 8.

SYTYCD: Results

The opening performance was an obvious Sonya and obviously amazing.

Mitchell's still sitting his injured ass in the audience.

Bottom 3:

Jordan and Tadd - Well, that's kind of bullcrap, but someone has to be in the bottom and they're all pretty damn good.

Clarice and Jess - There is a god!!! Thank you, Jesus.

Miranda and Robert - That's totally fair as well. So YAY! America rules tonight!

For the professional performance we got more crummy Russian folk dancing by some crummy Russian dude. Please die and bring on the hip hop!

Random Observation of the Night: Melanie's eyes are really close together.

Miranda was the only girl who tried in her solo, and Tadd killed in his.

In an unprecedented move, Nigel asks 2 boys to dance solos again: Mitchell and Robert. I don't see the point, since they dance the exact same things they did before. Hey Nigel, get a DVR and just rewind the damn thing! Seems like a pointless bit of "controversy" and stalling to me. Nigel continues to stall by going through the girls and then putting off that decision too. Jesus Christ, now I'm getting pissed off.

Bye-bye: No one.

OK, look, I like this show but that's effing retarded. There are too many people here already -- START CUTTING!!! So 4 people go home next week. STUPID. Not to mention, the show went long so the DVR cut it off.

I'm pissed, show. I'm pissed. And also lame.

SYTYCD: Performances

Guest Judge: Megan Mullally, which is random, but she danced a little back in the day and loves the show.

First Injury of the Season: Mitchell injured his elbow. Oh Jesus, they're already starting to drop? After last season, I expect this one to turn deadly.

1. Jordan and Tadd - African Jazz by Sean Cheesman. It was a typically quirky, high-energy routine and they partnered really well together.

2. Sasha and Alexander - Contemporary by Travis Wall. It was a typically amazing Travis Wall routine. Sasha has a really strong, commanding presence - she's a good actor. I loved it!

3. Clarice and Jess - Broadway by Tyce. Oh great. I hate Jess and I hate Broadway. It was just as I expected - fine, forgettable, and annoying. Jess + Showtunes = FML.

4. Ryan and Ricky - Lyrical Hip Hop by Christopher Scott, my New Favorite Choreographer. She's a white chick, so she was alright (and way too smiley), but I thought Ricky was hella smooth.

5. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Jazz by Sonya. Well, no wonder Mitchell was injured. Sonya's tough. So Robert from last season is back! YAY HOTTIE ROBERT!!! Caitlynn was really good - I like her a lot. And I know Robert was 1000 times better than Mitchell would have been. Cuz he's freaking HOT.

6. Miranda and Robert - Latin by Jason Gilkison. Oh god they're both annoying. It was a weird-ass routine. 60's vibe, pop music, but was supposed to be Latin. It looked like the damn jive. I don't know what it was, but I know it annoyed me. Ugh, Robert has a catch phrase. I officially hate him. Nigel wasn't as impressed as the other judges were either. Nigel's usually right.

7. Missy and Wadi - Jazz by Sean Cheeseman. I love Wadi but Missy's one of those "sexy" ones. It was a really fast, aggressive routine. I thought they were great together.

8. Melanie and Marko - Contemporary by Travis Wall. Wow, the routine was great and they are both really strong dancers. Probably my favorite pair!!! And I say this in spite of the highly literal statue costumes.

9. Ashley and Chris - Hip hop by Christopher Scott. I would have preferred it if they hadn't done the routine to "Forget You" - far too cheery and upbeat for me. It was pretty good. But I feel a bit betrayed by my New Favorite Choreographer. I want something harder! (TWSS) I foresee a controversy about the fact that it looked like Chris was emulating a school shooting. Seriously. Americans are that sensitive.

10. Iveta and Nick - Ballroom by Jason Gilkison. No. No No NO! That old bitch is gonna be paired with MY MAN!? And they're dancing Ballroom? NO! I just watched him the whole time, since I assumed she would be excellent (she's the Quickstep Champion or some crap). He was great! Maybe having the tap background helped with the quick footwork? But the fact that he handled the choreography was amazing. I guess I should like Iveta for not ruining him.

All in all, I'd like to say goodbye to Jess. Please.

SYTYCD: CliffsNotes Version

So I've been a little caught up in catching up on Breaking Bad. As a result, So You Think You Can Dance (and everything else in life, really) suffers. Truthfully, the auditions were never my favorite part anyway - they just add up to a lot of time wasted on dancers who suck or dancers you'll never see again. Once I had a good 5 or 6 hours of them backed up on the ol' DVR, I knew there was no way I was going to sit through them.

So instead, I'm starting with the episode where the Top 20 are chosen. They're the only dancers who will matter anyway, and lord knows they love to recap on this show, so I'll see enough background. Let's go!

Wait - Mary Murphy has blonde hair!? I missed a LOT!

They're mixing in performances with the Top 20 announcement this year. (Also, they're going to bring in All-Stars once there's a Top 10. Yay!) I like this CliffsNotes version - just get right to the good stuff!

First impressions

Contemporary dancers:

1. Ricky - is awesome
2. Miranda - annoys me
3. Sasha - shocker they picked her and not her fat sister
4. Melanie

They performed a really lovely routine, and I liked all of them. So let's hope Miranda keeps her mouth shut.

Hip hop dancers:

5. Chris
6. Wadi
7. Tadd
8. Robert

I love me some hip hop. Shocker - I loved the Asian guy, Tadd. Wadi seemed really good too. And I'm reminded how much I rely on this show for exposure to awesome music - that Swizz Beatz jam was the truth.

Our sole Ballroom dancer:

9. Iveta - Goddamn, I hate me some Russian ballroom dancers. I remember this chick from previous years' auditions. She annoys me. And she's old and weathered as balls. (So old, in fact, that she's hitting the age limit for the show.) Worse yet - PASHA'S back to pair with her since there are no other ballroom dancers. Oh Christ, this skeevy dude again.... I already hate her most - and can't imagine the douchechills when she performs hip hop. Let's see if I'm wrong.

Jazz dancers:

10. Clarice - she's adorable and I love her
11. Marko - Asian AND a bullet lodged in his shoulder? Love him.
12. Jordan - might be too "I'm sexy" for me; we'll see
13. Missy - oh, I'm sorry, SHE'S "the sexy one". Oy.

Their routine was awesome. I thought they were all good, but it was also a Sonya Tayeh routine and they're always amazing.

Misc. dancers:

14. Nick - tap dancer - I'm in love
15. Jess - Broadway dancer - annoys me

The routine was fun but Jess is hammy as shit. Nick, on the other hand, has SOMETHING and damn but I hope he's the one this year who you don't expect to be versatile but ends up being amazing at everything. I don't even usually like tap dancers, but he has a presence. For a white boy.

More contemporary dancers:

16. Caitlynn - cute, and Nigel loves her so she's probably cool
17. Ashley
18. Mitchell
19. Alexander - they picked him over someone who looked hot as hell. I hate you.
20. Ryan - I remember her from last year

They were all great in a beautiful Travis Wall routine.

Now it's time for some bonus group routines! YAYYYYYY!

All the guys do hip hop. The routine was epic and hot. I'm in love with this choreographer, Chris Scott. He mixes styles and he's amazing. Love him so much and hope he does every episode!

All of the girls do a Sonya Tayeh routine - wow, they are really starting them all off working hard this year! Beautiful and twisted, as always.

The final Top 20 Tyce routine is good, but seems to be channeling Sonya. Better that than the usual Tyce crap I guess. There are too many people in those huge routines. I tried to keep my eye on my white boy, and I think he did pretty well.

Nice group of dancers this year! I'm excited! But I hope this Robin chick isn't a permanent judge - her plastic face is so hard to look at. Orange Mary Murphy is enough for me.

Super 8

I was feeling skeptical about Super 8 going in to it. I was worried about comparisons to E.T., I thought it was set in the 60s, and thought it might be more of a children's film. Luckily, I was all wrong.

It's set in 1979 and is a monster movie through and through. Yeah, it focuses on a group of precocious kids, but I surprisingly didn't find them annoying. They were your typical little ragtag group of kids. They even have the funny fat kid, who was freaking identical to the fat kids from Home Alone and The Goonies. Do they have some factory where they make them? I mean, the Home Alone kid is probably 40 by now, it couldn't have been him, right?

Anyway, following an epically-awesome massive train crash (it's the Train Crash of the Year!), something escapes. I was surprised at how far they took it, and that they made it genuinely scary. Loved that. Also, I'm a sucker for the usual overdose of J.J. Abrams lens flares -- love them. All in all, a great, fun film - and not too sappy!!

X-Men: First Class

X-Men: First Class was awesome!

It's the kind of real superhero movie I like where it's grounded in reality, with people discovering special abilities and becoming superheroes. I also like that it's set against real history - Nazis, the Cuban Missile Crisis. And the 60s setting means people get to say "groovy" and wear miniskirts.

Michael Fassbender is a freaking god and is amazing as Magneto. Magneto has the best power because he gets to flick his wrist and make things happen. Cool, sudden arm and hand movements get me, what can I say. They just look cool. He's definitely badass.

Everybody's really good in it actually. I mean, I generally have a disdain for January Jones, and even she gets a pass from me here. There are 2 cameos from people we've come to know in the other X-Men movies that are pretty cool.

It's a good time and if you're like me you spend the whole movie waiting for Professor X and Magneto to makeout. No? Just me? OK then, you'll still enjoy it.