SYTYCD Performances: Double the Fun

I was pissed at first cuz the show is still 2 hours long and I was all, They're just going to pad with filler this sucks! But why did I doubt my favorite show? Because instead we get TWO PERFORMANCES from each couple! Woo-hoo! I was WAY too excited about that.

1. Jessica and Will, the Jive. Why does he have to be so frakking good?! I love it. And her flip-thing over him - HOLY CRAP!

2. Comfort and Thayne, Broadway - new couple alert! Was there like no energy there, or was it just me severely disliking Thayne?

3. Kourtni and Matt, Hip hop. It was oddly slow and I didn't like that.

At this point in this show, this is me: WTF? I WAS ALL EXCITED ABOUT GETTING DOUBLE THE PERFORMANCES AND WTF? TONIGHT SUCKS! Mike keeps saying they all look tired. Maybe he's right.

4. Chelsie and Mark, Jazz. More energy, so that's good. They were great, but there was still something about it that wasn't making me jump off my sofa. You know who I need? Twitch or Joshua. NOW!

5. Twitch (whew) and Kherington, Paso Doble. How fun was that? Fun!

6. Katee and Joshua (yay) with a Mia Michaels Contemporary routine. Finally something that moved me and made me rewind!! Joshua is AMAZING. (I think Will would have done amazing things with this routine too.) His movements are just incredible, good lord. (And she was actually awesome too!)

7. Courtney and Gev, Hip Hop. It had an old-school, playful vibe. I liked, but I felt like he pulled his performance back somewhat in order for them to stay on the same level. Cuz otherwise he would have shown her up big time.

8. Jessica and Will, Lyrical Jazz. Hi Shirtless Will, nice to meet you. Dayum. That routine was HOT! So glad the shirt prop worked for them. LOVED!

9. Comfort and Thayne, Smooth Waltz. I felt like Napoleon - I'm not a waltz expert, but I enjoyed it. It was lovely; she was gorgeous. Do I think it's the kind of thing that people are going to vote for? No. They're gone this week. Sad face.

10. Kourtni and Matt, Mambo. I thought it was fun, but it was definitely a little rough in spots. Maybe they'll be the ones to go.

11. Chelsie and Mark, Foxtrot. That little girl is so good. She gets crazy extension.

12. Twitch and Kherington, Mia Michaels Contemporary. AMAZING! Yay for 2 Mia routines!

13. Katee and Joshua, West Coast Swing. Good stuff. I can't decide who I love more - Joshua or Will! And I've officially warmed up to Katee and forgiven her for crying and whining during auditions.

14. Courtney and Gev, Broadway. Gleefully corny as Broadway routines often are.

There shouldn't be any surprises tomorrow.

Party Like It's 1999!!!

From EW.com:

“After months of speculation, I think we have finally figured out for sure that we are indeed doing an Arrested Development movie," Jeffrey Tambor told EW.com at the premiere of Hellboy II on Sunday. "I am very excited about that. I love that cast and crew and I felt like we had more to say."

I'M EXCITED TOO JEFFREY!!! ECSTATIC!!!! I HAVE DOUCHECHILLS!!!

Another Show to Add to the List

Tim Roth??? On TV???? Are you joking? Of course I'll be there - HOLY CRAP!

Tim Roth is set to make his television series starring debut in Lie to Me, a one-hour from Imagine and 20th Century Fox TV that is being eyed for a bow early next year. Fox has picked up the drama to series, with a 13-episode commitment.

Roth will play Dr. Cal Lightman, a scientist who pioneered the field of deception detection. The doc is a human lie detector, skilled at reading the human face, body and voice to uncover the truth in criminal and private investigations. The fact that the character can apply the same skills to his personal life complicates his relationships. The science in the show is genuine, based on the work of Dr. Paul Ekman.

source

Lovely Casting News of the Week

One of the best things about the season finale of The Office was Amy Ryan. She's always so great dramatically, and I had no idea she could do comedy as well. The awkwardness between her character and Michael Scott was priceless. Actually, Michael's awkward with anyone. Anyway, she'll be back! I will miss Toby though - is he really gone for good?

The Wire star Amy Ryan will get a chance to flex her comedic muscles a bit more next season as she joins The Office for multiple episodes.

Ryan is set to appear in at least five segs in the fall, reprising her role as human resources rep Holly Flax. Ryan's character first showed up in The Office's season finale as a potential love interest for Michael Scott (Steve Carell).

In the season-four ender, "Goodbye, Toby," Ryan's character replaced long-suffering HR staffer Toby Flenderson, played by Paul Lieberstein.

source

B&C Fridge of the Year

Once again, the award for Most Pathetic Refrigerator goes to...

Is It Just Me?

It's hard to tell from this picture, but her hair is the same. No disrespect.

You Want to See Wanted

Angelina Jolie. Guns.

Are those reasons enough to see Wanted? Well, they were for me. But you also get a whole lot of stylistic violence and humor. It was awesome! I really loved it. The kind of crazy, over-the-top movie that just makes me smile. The action scenes made me giddy. I'm sitting there giggling like, OMFG, I did not just see that!

I definitely had more fun watching Wanted than watching The Incredible Hulk. The closest thing I can compare it to is Shoot 'Em Up in terms of tone and overall insanity.

Also? That James McAvoy kid? Going places. He's hysterical. I've been seeing him in a lot of interviews and I really like him, and he's great in this too. But, you know, with me it comes down to Angelina. And she kicks MAJOR ASS. Loved it!

My Favorite Show Has Been Canceled

NBC has “amicably resolved” a lawsuit filed by the sister of the late Louis Conradt, who committed suicide when confronted by the To Catch A Predator TV show.

According to Bruce Baron, attorney for Patricia Conradt, the suit has been resolved, with no further comment regarding the terms of the settlement.

NBC dropped the controversial series after a spate of negative publicity, and the loss of several key advertisers.

Funniest Thing in the World

Just had to share this great bit of office humor on my last day of work in an office.

I have never heard of The Whitest Kids You Know, but they are my new Favorite Thing in the World. I'm saving the rest of their videos for next week when I can spend a whole day watching.

Oh yeah - it's crude and maybe vulgar. Of course.

SYTYCD Results

Bottom 3 was as it should be.

Chelsea and Thayne and Thayne's forehead.
Comfort and Chris and Chris's pale self.
Kourtni and Matt. Not that they were bad, but there has to be a bottom three, so it should have been them.

The guest performers tonight were my favorite kind. A crew of mostly Asians, plus there was Hok and Dominic! Excellent!

When Comfort was doing her solo I was (once again) screaming, "Get on the ground!" Why was she doing no ground work? Does her shoulder still bother her? Am I remembering her wrong? Maybe she's not so much of a B-girl. Chris's solo was the worst ever.

Bye bye:

Chelsea. That was a bit of a surprise, I figured they'd go with Comfort. I had thought Chelsea was so good at the beginning of the series, but she just never hit it in her performances. Maybe I just liked her body and her energy.

Chris. No surprise his howdy-doody ass is gone.

Now we have a new partnership for next week: Comfort and Thayne. Still a mis-match with those two. That's not gonna be pretty. Then again, sometimes those new partnerships surprise you. Let's hope!

SYTYCD Performances

1. Oh sh!t son, we're starting out the night with some hip hop. With Twitch (oh yeah, and Kherington, whatever)! And a Tabitha & Napoleon routine! With a Busta Rhymes song! Hells yes! Pretty awesome. I thought she was making some crazy faces, but of course I mostly just watched Twitch.

2. Rumba with Courtney and Gev. Lots of sexiness, and the routine looked really tough. And - hello - her dress on one side consisted of like a few strands of rhinestones or something. Holy crap, I was waiting for it to snap. Alas, no.

3. Jazz with Comfort and Chris. Set to classic Marilyn Manson. Excellent. Very, very cool routine and I thought they did well. No praise from the judges though. They're screwed.

4. Disco with Jessica and Will. Goddamn! Will has such an easy way about him, he is just a joy to watch. This time Jessica was good too, but mostly she's skating by based on Will being her partner.

5. Contemporary with Kourtni and Matt, and it's "their style" for both of them. It was a very cool, quirky routine - much more energy and speed than we usually see in Contemporary pieces. They're usually so slow and angst-ridden. Not this one!

6. The Quick-Step with Chelsea and Thayne. Thayne is so hard to look at, face-wise. He's an ugly Guy Pearce with that smile and that forehead. Ugh. Odd choice of song that seemed too slow for the choreography. It was dull for me. Boring. They're screwed too.

7. More Tabitha & Napoleon Hip Hop! Yay! This time with Chelsie and Mark. Pretty cool routine, not really typical hip hop. "Lyrical hip hop" I guess. Chelsie looks like a 12-year-old, she's so adorable. They were awesome.

8. Samba with Katee and Joshua. They were amazing. Mostly because Joshua is so freaking amazing!!!

I heart Twitch, Will, and Joshua SO MUCH!

Inappropriate Candy of the Week

First person to send me this candy gets my undying love and affection. It's all about the apostrophe placement, people.

Eight-year NASCAR NEXTEL Cup driver and former winner of the Daytona 500 Dale Earnhardt, Jr. introduced his new candy bar, Big Mo'.

The name Big Mo' is a play off of Earnhardt Jr.'s hometown of Mooresville, N.C., and the longtime moniker used for he and his closest friends, the Dirty Mo' Posse.

The milk chocolate candy bar will come in two flavors, creamy caramel and peanut butter. It is scheduled to hit stores nationwide in January 2008.

I fully support a Dirty Mo Posse.

You Have No Idea How Upset This Makes Me

Baby Harlow is adorable. Like, really really adorable. Which is nothing short of a miracle considering how trifling her PG County double-chinned dad is.

Marriage Is About Compromise

I went to see Get Smart for love. And because I was bored. And because it was raining. And because the reviews weren't nearly as devastating as the reviews for The Love Guru.

The movie wasn't a waste of time. That's a compliment, right? I laughed a couple times, the action was pretty good. Masi Oka is funny and adorable. Wait for the rental, people.

Gun Pr0n of the Day

The only good part of The Incredible Hulk.

Some 24 Info

I hate when they make huge time jumps on 24. Like this article says, it puts the next season in 2014. Shouldn't there be flying cars or something?

Day 7 of 24 will take place four years after season 6. The significance of this probably won't be too huge, and will only make itself known in a couple of ways. Chloe's baby, which was in her belly at the end of season 6, will be three or four years old now, instead of a newborn. Also, the new president won't be as new as previously thought.

The accelerated timeline means that season 7 will take place a whopping thirteen years after the first season, meaning the date will be 2014 for season 7.

It will be two years into the new president's reign, but more importantly, it means that Jack Bauer is turning into an old man right before our eyes. If we are to assume that Bauer was roughly Kiefer Sutherland's age in season 1, the first time we saw Jack Bauer he was around 35 years old. In season 7, Bauer would then be 47 or 48 years old.

In addition to season 7, which will premiere in January of 2009, a two-hour season 7 prequel, set and shot primarily in South Africa, will air on November 23.

source

SYTYCD Results

You know what I realized as I reflected on last night's show? (Yes, I reflect on the show from the previous night.) I didn't rewind one performance. Didn't re-watch anything. So that means last night was pretty mediocre, because I always re-watch one or two performances. While some were great, I guess none of them thrilled me.

I was totally fine with the Bottom Three Couples. Pretty damn accurate. And all I could think was SUSIE NEEDS TO GO SUSIE DOESN'T BELONG!!!! And that I was fine with any of those white dudes going home (yes, I include Marquis and his Spock ears), they are all pretty lame.

Oy Susie's solo was everything I thought it would be. Awful. Just a lot of hip shaking. Damn one-trick pony. I would have voted out Susie and Chris. At least the judges got it half right.

GET OUT OF MY LIFE SUSIE!!!!!!! YAAAAAAYYYYYYYY! Marquis got the boot too. I'm cool with that. Best part is, they were a couple so the couples stay the same next week.

Another Fat Bitch Gives Birth

May God have mercy on their souls.

Jamie Lynn Spears and her fiancé Casey Aldridge welcomed a baby girl Thursday morning. PEOPLE confirms exclusively that the baby was named Maddie Briann.

"Just the family was there," says a source about the birth around 9:30 a.m. at a hospital in Mississippi, near her Louisiana hometown. "Everyone is healthy and happy."

Over the last few months, Spears has kept busy by passing her GED exam, preparing the nursery and attending multiple baby showers.

Wait, they forgot to add "riding around on ATVs" because that's the only time I saw pictures of her.

SYTYCD Performances

1. Jazz. I Did. Not. Get. I didn't like the choreography. I kept waiting for it to pick up and kick my ass, but it didn't. The outfits were horrible, it was boring. Ugh.

2. Argentine Tango. Some pretty kickass footwork, and I don't know jack about footwork. I really like Chelsie, I don't like Mark.

3. Hip Hop. I love Will. He's like a perfect dancer technically. Like for reals.

4. Foxtrot. I just snored through it, it bored me. It was fine, just boring. Kourtni is this year's Fat Dancer.

5. Contemporary. It was gorgeous! I guess Courtney "jazzed it up too much," but I liked it that way.

6. Broadway. Very high-energy and entertaining. Joshua is SO good. Katee I can live without.

7. Salsa. I have never liked Susie, never thought she deserved to be there. I thought she looked sloppy, and this was supposed to be right up her alley. To me, she's just a stripper who shakes her ass constantly.

8. Viennese Waltz. Oh lord, Twitch doing the Viennese Waltz. I was scared. I was sure someone would cry over it, since it was dedicated to a handicapped kid, and Mia Michaels came close. Mary lost it a bit though! Win! I thought it was really pretty, and Twitch was great. He had to lift her a LOT.

9. Krump. I EFFING LOVE KRUMPING!!!!! But I hate when skinny-ass white boys do it. I just watched Comfort the whole time since it was more her thing.

Note to producers: When did you start moving the camera around so much during the performances? QUIT IT!

People Magazine is Blind, Retarded

People Magazine has named their Hottest Bachelors, and oh my God, I don't know where to begin with this list.

Gross gross gross.

#1 is Mario Lopez, which just - EEEEWWWWWWW! Then we have such "hotness" as some lame-asses from The Hills and Gossip Girl, David Cook and his sexy comb-forward, Britney Spears's brother, and Bret Michaels. Excuse me while I go puke my guts out.

I'll give you Gerard Butler, and Scarlett Johansson's brother's pretty fine. But DAMN!

Click here for the unbridled sexiness and a frightening look at Mario Lopez in his underwear. *shiver*

Reason 454 Why I Love Zachary Quinto

He shows up to a movie premiere dressed like this. Those are practically slippers. Love!

When Bad Movies Happen to Good People

Note to self: when a movie has a 20% on Rotten Tomatoes, DO NOT SEE IT. Even if you really really want to.

Now, I like M. Night Shyamalan. Love him. I have enjoyed every single movie he put out, even though most people have been hating on him for years. I loved Lady in the Water, probably his most-hated film. Well, at least until The Happening. And now I can finally join in the hating.

This movie was beyond pointless. Completely bereft of point. "Shocking", "weird" things were complete non-sequiturs, just there to be "spooky". It wasn't even scary!!! It was nonsensical and poorly acted. Like really poorly acted. Mark Wahlberg is a good actor, right? He was freaking awesome in The Departed. In this? OMG, his delivery is so off.

There is no twist. There is no purpose. Nothing happens in The Happening. Boo. Color me disappointed.

Last Battlestar of 2008

*sigh* Another great season (mid-season, whatever) finale for Battlestar Galactica.

The Cylons hold Roslin and everyone else hostage but send Adama back to Galactica. The Cylons want the four undercover Cylons in exchange so they can get to Earth. Tory takes the bait and accompanies Xena back to the Cylon baseship. And becomes an uber-bitch as she enjoys being a big deal among the Cylons.

Adama plans a rescue mission, and if it fails, they are going to just destroy the baseship, and everyone on it. Tigh tries to convince Adama not to do the mission - and tells him he's a Cylon. Oh Lord that was a good scene. Adama just did not want to believe it. Poor guy. Girlfriend held hostage by the Cylons and now his BFF is one. He totally breaks down.

But Tigh is all, Look, threaten to kill me and maybe the Cylons will give in. Tigh also gives up Chief and Anders as the other Cylons still on the Galactica. So Adama threatens to throw them all out an airlock if they don't get the hostages.

Starbuck's Viper of Mystery is suddenly picking up a signal that she thinks is from Earth. They share this information with the Cylons and make a nice little truce. The Four are granted amnesty, and they all go to Earth together.

The fleet jumps to Earth. This is terribly exciting and there is much celebrating at its discovery. But things can't end happily right? Well, Earth is all frakked up and destroyed and desolate, and has probably been through a nuclear holocaust.

Sad horns.

Hulk Suck

So I gotta be honest here. I did NOT like The Incredible Hulk. I mean I sat through it, and it wasn't torture, but it wasn't money. And it was certainly no Iron Man.

I guess when it comes to superheroes, I prefer mine more realistic and human. I like the Tony Starks and the Bruce Waynes - the human guys who rely on technology. Not the Bruce Banners that turn into large animated characters. And in the end the Hulk is really just a cartoon.

I'm disappointed because I was hoping it would be good. It has Tim Roth, people! Tim Roth! Do you have any idea how long it's been since I saw him on the big screen? And, believe me, he's awesome, but he alone cannot save this film. And I love Ed Norton to death, but he seemed really uninterested. He's just becoming this mumbler of an actor. What's that, Ed? Speak up!

The film was also poorly edited. It seemed like scenes were either cut short or pieced together weird, or I was all, how the eff did we get there? Boo.

The two positive things: an appearance by said Tony Stark (too brief, but still there) and the sad Hulk music. The classic Sad Hulk music from the show. Excellent!

Unexpected Death of the Week

Tim Russert, NBC News’ Washington bureau chief and the moderator of Meet the Press, died Friday, NBC News said. He was 58.

No further details were immediately available.

Nooooo! Not Tim Russert!!!! What about Big Russ!!!!!! Noooooo!!!! My Sundays won't be the same without him in the background while I don't pay attention!

24: Just One Step Removed from Angelina

In his first series role in 40 years, Jon Voight has signed on for the upcoming seventh season of 24. Voight will play Jack Bauer's uber-nemesis who is pulling the strings behind next season's terrorist threat. The character will be introduced during 24's two-hour Season 7 prequel and will be featured heavily in the latter half of the season.

The prequel, now shooting on location in South Africa, is slated to air Nov. 23, with Season 7 of the Imagine TV/20th TV-produced series kicking off in January.

SYTYCD Results

I was fine with the Bottom Three couples. Except for Will and his chick, it probably should have been the Disco couple instead.

Will's solo was amazing. All the others left me unimpressed.

Voted off: Rayven and Jamie. Is as it should be, bitch. It's a shame because she seems really talented, but Rayven's solo wasn't very strong. Their hip hop last night wasn't great. And Jamie's solo stunk.

McCain For President

Baloney & Cereal has announced their endorsement of John McCain for President. Solely due to this excerpt, from The Real McCain. Bonus points for the picture on the cover too. He just lurves Bush so much.

Three reporters from Arizona, on the condition of anonymity, also let me in on another incident involving McCain's intemperateness. In his 1992 Senate bid, McCain was joined on the campaign trail by his wife, Cindy, as well as campaign aide Doug Cole and consultant Wes Gullett. At one point, Cindy playfully twirled McCain's hair and said, "You're getting a little thin up there." McCain's face reddened, and he responded, "At least I don't plaster on the makeup like a trollop, you c*nt."

I love you, John McCain. You're right - that bitch wears too much makeup.

The Top Chef Finale

This was a pretty dull finale. Except for two things... Hey Padma - nice nipples!! Jesus, this chick and her outfits never cease to amaze me. She brought it all out for the finale.

Going in, I knew Stephanie was going to win because they want a woman to win. And our other options were Richard and Lisa.

Lisa was pissing me right off with her freaking laid-back confidence. Loved Richard's use of liquid nitrogen to make Tabasco ice cream and bacon ice cream. LOL, Richard! And then he rambled about how he choked and wasn't proud of his performance. Why can't these people just keep their mouths shut?! Rule No. 1 of Competition Shows: Never Admit Defeat.

Everybody's food seemed pretty underwhelming; nobody really wowed or dominated. Stephanie deserved to win I suppose. She was consistently good during the season, and her final meal was the best. First Female! Woo hoo! Oh who am I kidding? I hate chicks.

Daddy Tom's Compliment of the Night: "It was good. It was almost really good."

So You Think You Wear Pants

Two hours of the Most Entertaining Show on Television! Yay!

Why did it take me until this year to realize that Cat Deeley is cross-eyed? Her eyes are all kinds of wonky.

I already know I dislike Susie. I don't think she deserves to be there - I feel like she's a stripper and that's it. And Mark's too weird for me.

But I know I love Comfort and Twitch and Gev. And Chelsea, she has the sickest body. Her cha-cha routine was amazing. And Joshua. He's built like Ray Lewis. He got to do a hip-hop routine, which of course was sick since he's a hip hop dancer. That was the routine I rewound and watched again; even though Katee couldn't keep up with him and I don't like her whiny ass.

Alba Baby Born, Has Bad Name

I was just wondering this weekend when the baby was coming. Now I know why they got married... so the baby could be born with Honor. Sorry, couldn't think of a better pun. Me no likey that name.

Jessica Alba and husband Cash Warren have welcomed a baby girl.

Honor Marie Warren was born June 7 in Los Angeles, her rep, Brad Cafarelli, confirms. This is the couple's first child.

Alba, 27, and Warren, 31, quietly wed on May 19 at the Beverly Hills courthouse.

The Hulk Lactates

WTF, Lou Ferrigno? Was it the steroids?

Top Chef is Rigoddamndiculous

Oy. Lisa is in the Final Three. Life as we know it is over. Antonia was sent home.

But yay for Dale and Stephanie's teamwork. And Richard is awesome. It's gotta be either Stephanie or Richard to win it.

Boo to Lisa for still breathing. I think the producers kept her around just for the drama. She doesn't belong there.

Battlestar Galactica Without the Battlestar Galactica

We stayed on the Cylon ship this episode, except for some cool vision/dream sequences that Roslin was having. She saw herself dying, and Adama was at her bedside. I think that made her realize she loved him. Also it helped her realize she didn't want to kill Baltar. Baltar was injured, bleeding badly, and confessed that he was the one to give the Cylons the codes that led to humanity's destruction. Roslin got a little bitter over that and decided to let him bleed out. But one of the visions changed her mind and she ended up saving his life.

They pulled the Xena model off of the Resurrection ship and then destroyed the ship. So equal footing now - Cylons can die just like humans.

In the end, the Cylon ship jumps back and finds Adama in his ship, waiting for them. And Roslin and Adama tell each other they lurve each other. YAY for old love! They rule.

Next week, it looks like Tigh tells Adams he's a Cylon, and people might know about the other ones too. We shall see!

Movie of the Summer

It came to my attention that I never posted the Tropic Thunder red band trailer.

EPIC FAIL

This is going to be the funniest movie of the year, I guarantee it! Robert Downey, Jr. is god's gift to mankind, enjoy him while you can.

The Only Car Britney Should Drive

Somehow, this is actually the dumbest she's ever looked.

New Favorite Couple Alert

Move over Justin and Drew. My new favorite couple? Jim Carrey and Jenny McCarthy. I S you not. They are adorable... and politically active!

I Hope Wanted Is Good

NEW TRAILER ALERT!

I don't know if this will be good or not. But it has Angelina and tattoos and guns and action and those things are good enough for me to sit my ass in the theater!!
Wanted in HD

RDJ Pwns All

Robert Downey, Jr. can do no wrong, am I right? I love everything that man does!

Battlestar Galactica Was Pretty Good

There was a nice big Tigh/Adama verbal/fist fight. Bonus points for Adama's use of the word "banging". Apparently Tigh's been banging the Six and now she's pregnant. But Cylons couldn't procreate before. So what's the deal now? They pretty much just dropped that nugget and moved on without more explanation.

The Fleet is in need of a President since Roslin disappeared. And it looks like it's going to be... Lee Adama. Oh finally he'll get something to do this season!

Now Leland (ha!) Adams is Prez. And William Adama is stepping down (because he's not objective about the whole missing Roslin situation) and putting Tigh in charge of the military. Because he's going to hang out in space by himself waiting for Roslin. Hopelessly devoted, that one is.

It's Cool to Pee Your Pants

B&C Positive Thinker of the Week

I was just behind a car with a bumper sticker that read, "My kid has more chromosomes than yours."

Way to spin that into a positive.

Lost: Boom

"Who's in the coffin?" is the new "What's in the box?" Tonight we start with the answer. It's Jeremy Bentham. Well who the eff is that??

The Sayid/Big Cool Bad Dude fight was one mother of a fight. That thing was awesome. Because Kate and Sayid helped to free Ben, they are allowed to leave the Island on the helicopter. Jack, Hurley, and Sawyer also board the copter. But we know Sawyer isn't one of the survivors. So he ends up jumping off the copter (it's losing fuel and they need to lose weight) after kissing Kate and asking her to do something we can't hear.

The C4 that's on the freighter? Is wired to the Big Cool Bad Dude's heart monitor - he dies, it blows. Ben knows this but stabs him to death anyway. As Ben says, "So?" LOL Ben. Unfortunately, Jin and Michael are on the boat when it blows. It's quite horrible - Sun on the helicopter screaming for Jin. Everybody else got back on the helicopter after it was repaired. So there's your Oceanic Six.

Locke and Ben head into the newest of the million Dharma stations. Which is complete with a creepy Dharma video that cuts off mid-sentence, in true creepy-Dharma-video fashion. The station was used for time and space experiments - time-traveling bunnies to be more specific. Ben gets in his parka (the one he was wearing when he woke up in the middle of the desert some weeks back) and sends Locke back above ground to lead Ben's people. Ben crawls around in the time-travely shafty thing and "moves the island." There is a bright light and a splash in the water as the Island disappears from the view of everyone on the copter. The copter runs out of fuel and goes down.

The Future Bits: I'd like to say welcome back, Walt. He really grew the hell up. He looks totally different. Nice that they could find him a role in the Future Lost Universe. He visits Hurley and tells him that this Jeremy Bentham came to see him, and he wonders why everyone is lying. Sayid visits Hurley to tell him Jeremy Bentham died. Sun goes to see Widmore to make some kind of deal with him.

Jeremy Bentham is.... John Locke. Jack went to see the casket and Ben was there. Ben said he knows Jack wants to go back to the Island, but that they all have to go back together, including Locke's dead body. Next season's plot: we're getting the band back together!!

Our Final Tally:
Jin: Blowed up.
Michael: Blowed up.
Island: Disappeared.
Oceanic 6: Rescued by Penny's boat. Staged their rescue on another island.
Desmond and Penny: Reunited. Desmond and Penny FOREVER! Yay!!!!!
Jack: Solidified his spot at the top of my list of TV Characters I Wish Would Commit Bloody Suicide. Population: 1.

Bonus: We had a commercial for Octagon Global Recruiting - a new Lost tie-in. They are recruiting in San Diego July 24-27. Oh, I see, those are the dates and location of Comic-Con. See you there suckas!!!

Damn This Top Chef Ho

This thing has got to be rigged. They want a good chance of a female winner and now it's 3 chicks against Richard. But the chicks aren't any good. Alright, maybe Stephanie's not so bad.

As soon as Spike picked the frozen scallops I knew it was trouble. I yelled at him. You never cook with frozen food on Top Chef you idiot! And he used canned hearts of palm. So I suppose he deserved to go. But then again.....

I HATE LISA AND SHE SUCKS AND IN NO WAY DESERVES TO GO TO THE FINAL!!!!!!! Peanut Butter Mashed Potatoes sounds like the grossest thing ever. And she never seasons anything properly!!! How can she keep getting by on that!? At least she almost went home. She's been at the bottom 5 times. Ugh.

It was nice to see the past winners. I love it any time I get to see Harold, my favorite money-ass-chef-who-looks-like-a-serial-killer.

Clay Aiken is the New Michael Jackson

Clay Aiken is going to be a father, PEOPLE has confirmed.

"The story is true,” Bill Vigars, a Vancouver-based rep for David Foster, told PEOPLE Wednesday, of the TMZ.com report that Aiken, 29, impregnated David's sister, music producer Jaymes Foster, 50. "It is true Clay is the father. She was artificially inseminated by Clay. She's due in August."

Aiken's reps have not yet commented.

You know how to best dispel rumors that you're gay? Artificially inseminate a chick. A chick named Jaymes.

Enjoy Bartending

How dumb do you have to be to screw up the gig as George Clooney's girlfriend? I don't care if he wanted you to have sex with his dead pet pig - you keep him happy, dumbass! Have fun going back to serving drinks.

George Clooney and his girlfriend Sarah Larson have split up after a year of dating, a source tells PEOPLE.

The actor's rep, Stan Rosenfield, would only say: "We do not comment on George's personal life."

The pair initially met in Las Vegas nearly four years ago, when Larson, a onetime Fear Factor winner, was a cocktail server at The Whiskey Bar. But it wasn't until the pair met for the second time in June 2007 in Las Vegas that sparks flew.

Larson, 29, and Clooney, 47, made their public debut together at the Venice and Deauville film festivals last September. Later that month, the twosome were injured in a motorcycle accident.

Earlier this year, Larson accompanied Clooney to the Oscars – the first girlfriend ever to go with him to the event.

Red Band Trailers Rule

It seems red band trailers have gotten really popular over just the last two years. For comedies, they are a no-brainer. Sometimes you just really need the swears to sell you on a movie. I really hope Step Brothers is good.

Funniest CNN Post Ever

The international space station's lone toilet is broken, leaving the crew with almost nowhere to go. So NASA may order an in-orbit plumbing service call when space shuttle Discovery visits next week.

Until then, the three-man crew will have to make do with a jury-rigged system when they need to urinate.

While one of the crew was using the Russian-made toilet last week, the toilet motor fan stopped working, according to NASA. Since then, the liquid waste gathering part of the toilet has been working on-and-off.

Fortunately, the solid waste collecting part is functioning normally.

That last zinger is brought to you by CNN.

Gratuitous Tuesday Gun Porn

Good lord. Maybe I don't understand "art" so I don't know what point the Details magazine photographer was trying to get across with these pictures. But I don't really care. Christian Bale + gun = a great Tuesday for me!

You Won't Believe What I'm Watching

There is actually a show on as we speak called Movie Preview Awards. It's literally an awards show for movie trailers. It's hosted by Sinbad (he's still alive!) so you know it's good. And it's the Ninth Annual show!!

The Dark Knight just won for Best Action Trailer. I might be sucked into this show.... It's a nice blend of low-rent trainwreck and actual entertainment (represented solely by the trailers).

ETA: Vantage Point just won for Best Thriller Trailer, and I can't imagine a more deserving candidate. As I previously commented, the trailer was well-edited and deceiving... it made the movie look good. Wow. This show is fun.

I Can't Wait To Move In

Once I finally get Brangelina to adopt me, life is going to be so sweet. They just bought this 35-bedroom "house" in France. The way I see it, they have about 27 bedrooms left once the twins get here. Plenty of space for me. And it has a moat! How awesome is that?

The pre-Roman estate boasts a swimming pool, billiards room, indoor pool, his-and-hers gyms, sauna and jacuzzi and a huge banquet hall. Magnificent cascading stone-walled terraces have been replanted with 13 different varieties of olives, and water is everywhere on the sprawling estate—20 fountains, aqueducts and a stream that runs through hidden tunnels, passes through the moat and fills the lake. Except for the ponies and goats grazing in the nearby fields, "the house is surrounded by a forest so they'll have total privacy, which is exactly what they're after," the source tells E! "No one will ever be able to get pictures of them relaxing at home, it's just impossible." The Jolie-Pitts hope to be completely moved in within the next three months, if not sooner.

More Comedy Fangirling

We saw Patrice Oneal last night. I was so happy because he was one of the few comedians left on my Comedians I Still Need to See Live list. (I think all that remain are Jim Norton, Bill Burr, Nick DiPaolo, Patton Oswalt, and Demetri Martin, but the list has been known to expand.)

Patrice was funny as hell. He is awesome because he looks like the kind of guy you just want to go up and hug, but he is so filthy you don't want to touch him. He says anything he wants and I loved it. There was a chick talking loudly (god I hate that - when comedians are doing their freaking jobs and people are rude). Well of course Patrice wasn't going to stand for that. He asked her to be quiet, she was a bitch, and he got her ass kicked out. You cannot try to heckle Patrice Oneal! I loved seeing that too.

He was awesome, I definitely recommend seeing him live, as long as you aren't the kind of person to be like, "Oh that was rude. That was inappropriate." And if you are, then you can go screw.

Best Line Ever

No Battlestar Galactica this week. WTF? Because of Memorial Day? So instead I offer the best line from last week's episode. Congratulations President Laura Roslin, you had the Best Line Ever! Me love you long time.

Indiana Jones... I'm Still Not Sure How I Feel About This

Before, during, and after seeing Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull I had the same thoughts: Am I too cynical for Indiana Jones now? Is this nostalgia in a good way or in a bad way? I still don't know the answers to these mysteries.

It's the Indiana Jones I remember: corny, campy, cheesy. The stunts are obviously done by stuntmen. The sets are obviously fake, from the fake signs to the fake cobwebs. The lighting is fuzzy. The story doesn't make sense. Only now I think I'm too old for that S. Somehow with a movie like this when the story is confounding and the stunts are fake, I don't like it. Maybe I've been to Disney World too often and the whole thing comes across like the latest ride/stunt spectacular.

So if you're looking to relive your childhood, and haven't outgrown it, see this movie. For the record, Mike would give it a 68. Because he apparently works off a complicated 100-point scale. No easy 4-star system for him. And 68 isn't exactly a glowing review.

And if you see it I dare you to explain that plot to me. And the necessity of the opening sequence.

On the B&C Radar: Terminator 4

Of course this movie is on the radar due to Christian Bale. He pretty much guarantees that a movie is going to be good. ONE YEAR FROM TODAY this movie is due to be released. Please be at Comic-Con, please be at Comic-Con...

In the highly anticipated new installment of The Terminator film franchise, set in post-apocalyptic 2018, Christian Bale stars as John Connor, the man fated to lead the human resistance against Skynet and its army of Terminators. But the future Connor was raised to believe in is altered in part by the appearance of Marcus Wright (Sam Worthington), a stranger whose last memory is of being on death row. Connor must decide whether Marcus has been sent from the future, or rescued from the past. As Skynet prepares its final onslaught, Connor and Marcus both embark on an odyssey that takes them into the heart of Skynet's operations, where they uncover the terrible secret behind the possible annihilation of mankind.

I don't know what any of that means. I didn't make it past "Christian Bale".

So You Think You Can Dance Returns

I am beyond thrilled that this show is back. This is just what I needed in this television drought. It truly has the most talented competitors. The things these people do with their bodies are a-freaking-mazing.

Plus it's the best chance of seeing Asian contestants, because Asian B-boys are everywhere and are awesome. We even got Bonus Asians tonight: a ballroom pair! You don't see that very often. They were awesome. But my favorite dancers are the B-boys and the poppers. So fun.

Love love love when Mia Michaels judges because she is tough, hysterical, and always cries about something. The blind chick got her this time. Po, po Mia.

The auditions are fun to watch, but I can't wait for the real competition to begin!

Top Chef: Restaurant Wars

It's Restaurant Wars time on Top Chef. Where at least one team is guaranteed to crash and burn. The Asian (Dale) and the two people who work in Asian restaurants (Lisa and Spike) choose an Asian theme. Original. And it ends tragically.

Right away I know Dale is screwed because he's the Executive Chef for the team. Plus he has Lisa with him, and her favorite pastimes include throwing people under the bus and deflecting blame.

So, yeah, Dale's gone. This is a major bummer. A horrible result. Worst of all: Lisa remains after burying two of my boys!!! Dale was one of the best and Lisa suuuuuuuuucks. I HATE HER DIEDIEDIEDIE!

Dale, you're a Filipino Superstar! I love you, don't cry! I almost got choked up at the end. I love you, man.

The only good part of this episode was that Anthony Bourdain filled in for Daddy Tom. Love him. Line of the Night goes to him, although he was quoting a patron, when he said that the sticky rice was like "baby food topped with potpourri."

Apparently Something Happened Last Night

Wow, when I go cold turkey, I really go cold turkey. I haven't watched American Idol since I gave it up on March 6. And considering the final came down to The Horrible Rocker With The Comb-Forward and the Monchichi, I'm glad. If Chris Daughtry didn't win, no way in hell should David Cook win. Gross, gross, gross.

About Freaking Time

Looks like someone finally gave Kirsten Dunst what she deserves. So I've got that going for me, which is nice.

Greatest DWI Video Ever

Seriously. There are no words adequate enough to describe the greatness. Just watch and enjoy.

Oh Baltimore

I've really been missing DC lately. But you know what I don't miss? Baltimore. There was a horse race or something going on here, right?

On second thought... I miss Baltimore. They effing know how to celebrate an important horse race.

Goddamn There's Nothing Going On

The world is a sad, sad place when all I have to post is a rant on 90210. Since 50% of my reading audience asked about it, here goes.



Are you frakking kidding me?! This promo comes off like a bad Saturday Night Live parody. For real. And let me just say, that while the addition of a cast member from The Wire and/or Arrested Development is usually a good thing... Tristan Wilds and Jessica Walter WTFFFFFFFFFFF???????? I understand Tristan wants to show some range - but you're stretching in the wrong direction, kid. This is so ri-goddamn-diculous, I can't even watch it as a goof.

UNNECESSARY!! Aren't there already a bunch of 90210 spin-offs? Like, I don't know, The O.C., Gossip Girl, and Smallville?!

Damn That Shiloh is Cute

Of course Shiloh Jolie-Pitt is adorable. Gorgeous really. However, I was kind of disturbed by her similarity to Kate Hudson's kid, Ryder. Make that her SON, Ryder. Am I the only one who sees this?

Another Kickass Battlestar Galactica

The rebel Cylons offer the humans a deal - they will take them to the boxing facility so they can unbox the Xenas, she can reveal the identities of the Final Five, and then they can destroy the Resurrection Hub, rendering all Cylons mortal. Nice deal, right? Too bad neither side is really planning to stick to it.

We got a money bone saw in this episode too, as My Man Gaeta had his leg removed. The bone saw - second only to the dentist's drill for worst sound. My Man is going nutso, as recent amputees are wont to do, and so he spends the episode singing in Sickbay. At least he has a pretty voice. I couldn't help but think that all the other patients just want to tell him to shut the frak up.

Zinger of the Episode belongs to the President. She's telling Tory to get information out of Baltar (and she knows they're banging) so she says, "I don't really care if you have to spend the night on your knees praying, or just on your knees, I want a name." OH SNAP SON! Best. Line. Ever. I had to rewind that one.

Great ending, with Athena chasing her kid down and then killing the Natalie Six when she touches her because she's had dreams that a Six is going to take her. Intercut that with the President and Baltar going to the Cylon baseship to talk to the Hybrid. But when they plug the Hybrid in, she yells JUMP and the ship jumps away. Nice! Killer ending, back in the grand tradition of Battlestar Galactica.

Prince Caspian

Just got back from The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian. Why did I see it? Two words: Prince Caspian. I think he's hot and the movie got over a 69% on Rotten Tomatoes, and apparently that's enough to get me in the theater!

I really enjoyed it. It had 600% more sword-fighting than the first one and 70% fewer talking animals. And I say that never having seen the first one. No thanks. The Lord of the Rings really maxed me out on dwarves, mythical creatures, moving trees, and epic battles.

This movie was darker and more violent than (what I've heard about) the first. So that was cool. Oh and did I mention Prince Caspian? Yeah, he's really really pretty. And my Favorite Midget Actor is in it too, which I didn't realize until I saw Peter Dinklage's name in the opening credits. I lurve him. But saying he's my favorite midget actor is a bit like saying vanilla is my favorite flavor of vanilla.

If you like implied beheadings, dark men with long hair, and little girls with drinking problems, then this is the movie for you!

Shows To Watch For

These two shows have been voted Most Likely to be on the Baloney & Cereal Radar Come September. Both brought to you by FOX. Too early to start planning TV viewing for Fall, you say? My bad. I guess I don't have the same life you do.

Dollhouse gets points for Joss Whedon, Eliza Dushku, and the Foo Fighters.


Fringe gets points for J.J. Abrams, Lance Reddick, and possibly ripping off The X-Files.

Lost: ???

I'm glad I didn't stay up to watch Lost live this week. I was too tired and nothing happened anyway and I would have been even more bitter.

Our Flash Forward gave us the Oceanic 6 coming home on a Coast Guard plane and having a press conference, lying about their crash and rescue. There isn't another adult - baby Aaron is considered one of the 6. At the press conference, Sun says Jin never survived the crash. Kate says Aaron is 5 weeks old and that she was 6-months pregnant when she was apprehended by the Marshal.

To me that doesn't add up, so there's got to be some kind of time discrepancy once they're off that island. Because Claire was 9 months pregnant when they crashed and Aaron is older than 5 weeks, yes? We already know there's some kind of time rift thing, who knows how big it actually is.

Jack has a memorial service for his father and says that his dad died 10 months ago. Well that's B.S. too since he died just before the plane crash. They can't have been rescued 10 months later with Aaron being 5 weeks old. Ugh. Who knows. Also, Jack finds out at the service that Claire was his sister.

Back on the island, Sayid's little boat makes it to the island and a few people go back to the freighter in the first wave. They include Jin, Sun, and Aaron. On the boat, a big load of C4 is found, and Jin sends Sun and Aaron out of the engine room. So if the thing explodes and Sun and Aaron survive, the exploded people will be Michael, Jin, and Desmond. No!

Other than that, everyone else is at the Orchid Station where S is going to go down. Part 2 in 2 weeks - 2 hours long. That's 2-2-2 - are the producers trying to tell us something?

Whatever, I hope it's good.

Top Chef HEARTBREAK

I am utterly heartbroken that Andrew, the White Rapper, was eliminated. He was MY MAN!!!!!

White Rapper's line of the day: "Either I'm gonna stab somebody or I'm gonna make some amazing food." Unfortunately he didn't do either. The challenge was to make a healthy lunch for cops. Boring challenge. White Rapper made sushi. Not exactly a filling, working-man's lunch. Oh yeah and he didn't use one of the required ingredients (a whole grain). And he didn't cook anything, and Daddy Tom never likes it when the chefs don't cook.

But oh how I love me a contentious Judges' Table. The Bottom Three were belligerent as hell tonight and really defensive. Uber-bitch Lisa threw Andrew under the bus for not using a grain. I HATE HER!!!!!!! No one sabotaged your rice, bitch! UGH! DIEDIEDIEDIE!!!

So, yeah, it's all about Dale and Richard at this point. And Lisa has to die a painful death. Me no likey.

B&C Kid of the Week

A 13 year old from Texas, who stole his Dad's credit card and ordered two hookers from an escort agency, has been convicted of fraud and given a three year community order.

Ralph Hardy confessed to ordering an extra credit card from his father's existing credit card company, and took his friends on a $30,000 spending spree, culminating in playing "Halo" on an Xbox with a couple of hookers in a Texas motel.

The escort girls, who were released without charge, told the arresting officers something was up when the kids said they would rather play Xbox than get down to business.

Police said they were alerted to the motel by a concerned delivery clerk, whom after delivering supplies of Dr. Pepper, Fritos, and Oreos had been asked by the kids where they could score some chicks and were willing to pay. They explained they had just made a big score at a "World of Warcraft" tournament and wanted to get some relaxation. On noting the boys' age the delivery clerk informed the authorities.

Asked why he ordered two escorts, Ralph said he thought it was the thing to do when you win a "World of Warcraft" tournament. They told the suspicious working girls they were people of restricted growth working with a traveling circus, and as State law does not allow those with disabilities to be discriminated against they had no right to refuse them.

Hey motel clerk: BUZZKILL much? Jesus, they weren't hurting you!! Not only did they win a WoW tournament, not only did they hire hookers, but they came up with a completely plausible traveling-circus backstory. These kids are brilliant!

So full disclosure: the story is apparently fake. But I loved it so much I had to post it. It came out of the UK or something. Which is why I love the UK.

Apparently You CAN Believe Everything You Read

They're having twins. Lordy lordy. Enough with the kids, Ange! This is it, right?

In an interview that took place in Cannes on Wednesday with the Today show's Natalie Morales, airing tonight on Access Hollywood and tomorrow on Today, Angelina confirmed the baby news that has been rumored for months.
The twins will be the couple’s fifth and sixth children.

The X-Files 2 Trailer At Long Last

So here's the trailer. Just yesterday I was wondering when it was coming out. It's not that great really, although the music still gets me all tingly and I love a good quick-montage-set-to-choir-music as much as the next girl. What I did learn from this trailer is that Callum Keith Rennie is in the movie. He is my all-time favorite creepy-ass Cylon dude, so I'm sure he plays someone creepy in this. And that will be excellent.

MacGruber Rulz

I love MacGruber, always my favorite part of Saturday Night Live. But I love it even more when it co-stars Shia LaBeouf as MacGruber's gay son.

Have I mentioned I love Shia LaBeouf? He's right there with Jonah Hill and Justin Long on my list of awesome, funny young actors. Can they all make a movie together pls?

I Hate To Love John Mayer

God I hate the man's music. And his taste in women (Jennifer Aniston, really?). But the man is hysterical. And he can make fun of himself. Enjoy this look at how John Mayer makes music. Warning: F-bombs within.

Battlestar Galactica Finally Moves Along

Frak, the last few episodes have just been long and blah blah blah and set-up. Finally we get some action!!! Lots of gun pointing and shooting and killing. Excellent.

Plus we still get some blah-blah-blah in the form of Bald President Roslin and her thoughts on religion and death. That was actually interesting though because Mary McDonnell is such a great actress, she really sucked me in to those scenes.

But the real meat of the episode was all the action, centering around the Cylon offer of a truce. We open with a mutiny, Starbuck being overthrown because she wants to jump to a Cylon baseship for help finding Earth while everyone else wants to go home. There's a Mexican standoff and Anders shoots Gaeta in the leg, ensuring that Gaeta will lose that leg and that I will hate Anders forever.

Starbuck decides to instead take a Raptor to the baseship. Anders, Athena, and a random chick (Red Shirt alert!) go with her. I was hoping Anders would get his dumb undercover Cylon ass outed, mostly because he shot MY MAN!

So that crew jumps to the baseship and - shocker - the Red Shirt gets it. That's a little too predictable for this show. I'm disappointed. Six kills her, as revenge for the chick killing a Six back on New Caprica. Then there's another great Mexican standoff with Anders taking out some of his misplaced Frak-I'm-a-Cylon aggression and threatening to kill Six. The Gina Six intervenes and, in a pretty cool scene since the characters are played by the same actress, Gina Six kisses Six and then shoots her in the back of the head. NICE!

Starbuck visits the ship's Hybrid and the Hybrid tells her 3 things. A dying leader will know the truth of the Opera House. (So that's the Pres, I don't know what the truth is.) The missing 3 will give you the 5 who come from the home of the 13th. (That means the Xena Cylon knows the identity of the final 5 Cylons, who came from Earth and presumably know the way back.) And - oh yeah - Starbuck is the harbinger of death. So there's that happy news.

The baseship jumps to meet Helo and the gang with -20 seconds to spare. So now they can all travel happily back to Galactica.

Whew. A lot happened. Finally.

Heroes Season 3 Preview

There's nothing to see here, there really isn't. But that doesn't prevent me from watching it several times. Or squeeing over it. Or posting it as a fulfillment of my duty as a Heroes fan.

Thank God for the Reids

Best Sports Family Ever!

Philadelphia Eagles coach Andy Reid's son was sent to state prison after admitting he smuggled 89 prescription pills into a county jail. Garrett Reid pleaded guilty to drug smuggling charges on Wednesday and faces a minimum of two years in state prison.

Reid is already serving time in the county jail for a heroin-fueled car crash that injured a motorist. Jail officials say he smuggled the pills inside when he surrendered last fall, just before his guilty plea to crash-related charges.

Another son, Britt Reid, 23, is in a county drug-court program after pleading guilty that same day to separate drug and gun charges.

source

Reid went into the home, got the pills and put them into two small plastic bags before stuffing them in his rectum and then went back to the probation offices.

You've got to love the man's commitment. 89 pills is a lot to stuff into your rectum, trust me.

more detailed, hotter source

Lost: Enough Already

God there was just way too much going on in this episode. Too many storylines, and as a result it feels like nothing really happened.

We're back to flashbacks, which suck. Baby Locke is born prematurely to a teen mother. The effing guy that recruited Juliet to the Island is there in the hospital. Woah. He shows up when Locke's a kid and says Locke is special and he runs a school for kids, like he's Professor Xavier or something. But Locke fails the bizarre-ass test and isn't special after all. From there it's all Woe is Locke's Life, bullied in high school. Lt. Daniels from The Wire/that-mystery-dude-from-earlier-in-the-season works at his rehabilitation facility. He's the one who suggested that Locke go to Australia, which is of course how Locke ended up on the Island.

The problem with this show is it's been 18 weeks since they focused on the freighter so now I don't remember why the Australian guy is helping Sayid and Desmond, let alone who he is. But he helps them get a lifeboat, which Sayid promptly sails off in. The Australian guy, who it turns out is the Captain, is shot by the main Military Dude, who I think is totally badass, who takes the chopper back to the Island.

Locke, Hurley, and Ben spent the whole time walking in the jungle looking for Jacob's cabin until they found it. Locke enters and sees Jack's Dead Daddy, who says he's not Jacob but can speak on his behalf. Claire is there too because of course Dead Daddy took her last week, and she's acting strange like she's not kidnapped. Locke asks Dead Daddy how he can save the Island. The answer: he wants us to move the Island. Oooookay.

As if there weren't enough storylines going on in one episode, they have the balls to go back to the beach. The chopper flies over them and the pilot drops a package for them, including a tracking device.

As if that weren't enough, there were like 3 different references to Hurley and food in this episode. Jesus, we get it. He's fat.

The episode sucked. But it had a great line. "Destiny is a fickle bitch." -- Benjamin Linus

Top Chef: Wedding Wars

Maybe I'll start blogging Top Chef now, since it's getting toward the end and nothing else is on. There are 4 guys and 4 girls left and - surprise! - I only like the guys. I freaking live for Andrew the White Rapper, and I also like Spike, Dale the Difficult Filipino, and Richard too.

The White Rapper continues to make me laugh. He said he got a "culinary boner" with this week's challenge. They had to cater a wedding, working for about 36 hours straight to get it done. He made 5-hours-worth of creamed spinach or, in White Rapper parlance, "Popeye's wet effing dream." I'm really in love with him, that's all there is to it.

The wedding turned out fine. The groom's cake looked like a cat litter box. Dale was deliciously bitchy and defensive during the judging: "You should have liked it, it took him 3 hours to cook it." Down, kitty!

In the end Nikki left and good riddance because all these chicks are overdue to leave.

Does Anyone Care About G.I. Joe?

Don't get me wrong... I used to make my G.I. Joes have sex with each other as much as the next girl, but a G.I. Joe movie? Unnecessary. They released some pics today. The highlights include Big Black Dude Holding a Big Ass Gun, One of the Wayans (meaning this movie is gonna suuuuck), and Christopher Eccleston (WTF is he doing in this shite movie??? Nooo!).

I Can Dodge Bullets Baby

Well, that wasn't such a close one after all. See, I told Mike NO WAY IN HELL was I going to see Speed Racer. This movie holds no appeal for me and looks like a bad acid trip. A couple days ago I agreed to a deal - I'll go see it if it gets a 69% or higher on Rotten Tomatoes. Well looky looky here, a whopping 30%. Sure, all the critics haven't posted yet, but there's no way it's gonna raise the score over 30 points. Looks like I'll be seeing Iron Man again and Mike will be seeing Speed Racer alone... if he dares.

Greatest Casting Ever

As if I needed more guys to crush on on Heroes, here's the latest casting news. I had the biggest frakking crush on him back in the day. I used to watch Scarecrow and Mrs. King all the effing time!!!

Bruce Boxleitner, who played Scarecrow to Sabrina Duncan's Mrs. King in the mid-80s, has snagged a top-secret recurring role that was originally going to be modeled after Sen. John McCain. The character has since been reconceived, and now all I know for sure is that he'll be sharing scenes with a female series regular.

By the way, although it may seem like Heroes is getting ready to force-feed us another batch of newbies, an NBC insider insists that's definitely not the case. Yes, the show is introducing some new faces next season, but the primary focus, my source maintains, will remain "on the core characters from the pilot."

source

How Long Do We Give It?

Keep thinking this is gonna last! Nick Cannon is hilarious. (That's quoting something by the way, not my actual opinion.)

Yep, they did it! If there was any doubt Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon's wedding was the real deal, they answer the question once and for all in this week's issue of PEOPLE, speaking for the first time about their surprise nuptials – and showing off exclusive photos from their April 30 ceremony.

"We really do feel we are soulmates," Carey tells PEOPLE, following their sunset ceremony at the pop star's Bahamian estate. "I never felt a love like this was in the cards for me."

Cannon adds: "She is beautiful on the outside and 10 times as beautiful on the inside."

Transformers 2 Just Got a Lot Less Interesting

Booooooo.

Forget about seeing Jonah Hill transforming any time soon. Talks between DreamWorks/Paramount and Hill's reps have broken down and the actor won't be starring in Transformers 2 after all.

source

The Dark Knight Trailer: Two-Face Appears

I got a new laptop and am having some fun playing with it. The first thing I download? The new trailer for The Dark Knight, which is available here.

It's all kinds of kickass, of course. But I paused it at one point and you can see Harvey Dent as Two-Face. Pretty cool. Earlier in the trailer, his face was held down against some pouring gasoline. And now you can see half his face is effed up.

So I experimented with my various software and here's your look at Two-Face. Don't say I never did anything for you.

Lost: Eh

When the main story is centered around two characters you can't stand, the episode ain't gonna be that interesting.

The flash-forward was all Jack and Kate, who are a couple now. And Jack's flabby. Ew. I don't need to see that on television thank you very much. I guess Kate likes fatties now. The flash-forward appeared to take place right as Jack was beginning his downward spiral into bearded alcoholism that we saw at the end of last season. Other than that we only got 3 bits of info: Jack proposed to Kate (Have I mentioned I hate them and they bore me?); Kate was off "doing something for Sawyer," who had chosen to stay on the Island; and Jack saw visions of Dead Daddy.

During the flash-forwards, I was all, "Can we please get back to the Island with Jeremy Davies, Sawyer, and Miles please because they are 1000 times more interesting?"

On the Island, Jack gets an appendectomy, which was as much fun to watch as it sounds. And Claire, Aaron, Sawyer, and Miles are trekking back to the camp. Claire wakes up in the middle of the night to see her dad (and Jack's dad) holding Aaron. In the morning, they are missing. Miles tells Sawyer he saw Claire and someone she called "Dad" walk off together (Miles communicates with ghosts, you'll recall, so cool that he saw Dead Daddy). Sawyer finds Aaron, but no Claire.

Just Something Funny for a Friday

I thought this was great... of course.

Well, Duh

Iron Man was awesome, people. As if I expected anything different. Robert Downey, Jr. pwns all. The end. Let the summer movie season begin!!