It's the End of the World

I couldn't care less about the Tonys. But this nomination sure caught my attention

Best Performance by a Leading Actor in a Musical
David Alvarez, Trent Kowalik, and Kiril Kulish, Billy Elliot, The Musical
Gavin Creel, Hair
Brian d’Arcy James, Shrek The Musical
Constantine Maroulis, Rock of Ages
J. Robert Spencer, Next to Normal

Oh holy night, first the swine flu now this. APOCALYPSE!

Apparently Something Happened Last Night

Wow, when I go cold turkey, I really go cold turkey. I haven't watched American Idol since I gave it up on March 6. And considering the final came down to The Horrible Rocker With The Comb-Forward and the Monchichi, I'm glad. If Chris Daughtry didn't win, no way in hell should David Cook win. Gross, gross, gross.

In Your Face, American Idol!

Looks like I made the right decision! Danny Noriega was the most entertaining and now he's gone.

Mike was at a seminar last night and called me after 9:00.

Mike: "Who got voted off Idol?"
Me: "Hell if I know. I don't watch it anymore."
Mike: "I didn't think you were actually going to go through with it!"

I didn't even rush to my computer last night to find out - I waited til this morning.

HAHAHAHA Idol! I didn't even get the DTs! King Kong ain't got nothing on me!

American Idol: Yep, It's Over Between Us

Asia'h opened the show with karaoke Whitney. Great. Thanks for reminding me why I don't want to watch this overblown-karaoke show anymore.

Kady. What song was that? You have all of the 80s to choose from and you pick that? A song I've either never heard before, or you just botched that badly.

Amanda, of course, sang Joan Jett. Her choices were that and Pat Benatar. Karaoke again.

Carly. Why don't I like her as much as I think I should? This is the problem - I don't like these people enough. So even if they're good I'm just not enthused.

Kristy Lee country-fied an awesome Journey song and for that she will never be forgiven. Please don't. And way to not-hit that last high note.

Ramiele is the only girl I like. She needs to do something more up-tempo, but she was the only truly great one.

Brooke picked Pat Benatar and performed a stripped-down version. It was enjoyable enough.

Syesha closed out with another slow song. I'm over the lack of energy. The vocal was really good though.

So I'm pulling the trigger. March 6, 2008 is a day that will live in infamy. After 7 seasons, I'm over Idol's B.S. If something good happens, it's on the news the next day and I can watch Danny and David and Ramiele on You Tube. It is an amazing world we live in.

American Idol and I May Be Incompatible

Something is wrong here. My opinions were pretty much exactly the opposite of Simon's tonight. And I was HELLA irritated with the show. I'm gonna maybe chalk it up to the fact that my brain has been overloaded from work recently and in general I'm no fun to be around right now. But maybe it's a symptom of a larger problem. Let's contemplate this.

The Keepers

Lil David Archuleta was great and he played the piano. Extra points for the jacket.

Danny rocked out "Tainted Love" in a fabulously corny way. I can't get enough of this kid - he's the new Sanjaya. Only I like him and think he's talented. Extra points for the purple streaks in the hair.

Michael picked a great song, "Don't You Forget About Me". Too bad Randy is an idiot and thought Michael Hutchence sang it. I'm not wrong, right? It was Simple Minds. They both might be from Australia, but only one of them died via auto-erotic asphyxiation (my favorite celebrity cause of death ever, BTW).

Chikezie needs to sing faster-tempo songs, but I liked it. Even though it was a female ballad. Whatever, he's good now!

The Poo-Poo

Luke sucked the usual ass. Don't sing falsetto George Michael if you can't sing falsetto. Jackass.

David Hernandez, who is this show's requisite gay scandal since it came out that he used to strip in a gay club. Whatever. He still sucks at singing. Horrible song choice - was that the female vocal of a Meat Loaf song? I didn't like it.

Jason sang some song I've never heard of, and I pride myself on my knowledge of 80s music. Randy said it was Jeff Buckley/Leonard Cohen. Whatever it was, it bored me and I gave up halfway in. Simon loved it. WTF?!

David Cook "rocked out" "Hello" with his horrible, distracting guitar playing. I must be really apathetic about this season because I wasn't feeling it at all and the judges ate it up. WTF?!

I wonder if I have the guts to give up watching this show..... Cuz it's really irritating me. Maybe I'll feel better in the morning. But if the girls suck it up tomorrow I might get bitter!

America Was Pretty Much Right

I will argue that Alexandrea shouldn't have been sent home. That was my tomboy! She wasn't as bad as those blonde chicks. The others in the bottom were Alaina and practically-her-twin, Kady. Wow, when they stood next to each other you could really see how identical they were. Alaina was booted and was really broken up so of course I had to watch her performance because she was crying and saying "it's gonna sound horrible." Guess what - it sounded horrible yesterday too. I hate how Paula has to give the pep talks to the crying chicks that leave while Simon gets to berate the guys and tell them how much they suck.

Bye bye Aquaman (Jason Y.) with his Rogue-streaked hair and Robbie and his alleged wig.

We've got like 10 more people to get rid of before we're left with all good ones.

American Idol Girls Rundown

No one blew me away tonight. There were some really good performances, but no real standouts.

Carly was great and picked a great Heart song that really fit her, but the judges weren't feeling it much.

Syesha. I think it was a good vocal but her voice is thin, too thin for the song.

Ramiele. Very good but not amazing. Cruddy song choice screwed her.

Kristy Lee was better than last week, but she still bores me.

Amanda the rocker chick was dreadful!! Booo. The low parts sucked so bad and she was off-key for most of the rest of it too. Thanks for ruining a great Kansas song.

Alaina. Crap crap crap. Painful at times.

Alexandrea didn't blow it out like she should have. The performance was fine, just not exciting or memorable.

Kady was just bad karaoke. And what's the difference between her and Alaina? They look and sound alike to me.

Asia'h should have blown this song out too. The first low parts were rough and she missed her first high note. Sure she came back to hit the 2 big notes, but it was still too ambitious for her.

Looks like Danny was the best girl this week!

American Idol Boys Rundown

Well, SOME people listened to the judges last week. Either that or they just got over their nerves.

Greatest by a Mile
No one touches David Archuleta! The boy is making me forget Josiah ever existed. A. May. Zing. He gave me chills!! I especially loved Paula's comment (made while crying): "I want to squeeze your head off and dangle you from my rear view mirror." I swear I actually understood what she was talking about this time! Me love David Archuleta!

Most Improved
Chikezie is #1 most improved without a doubt (and the second best performance of the night). Who are you and what have you done with Chikezie?! It was 1000 times better than last week; I was amazed. I had been dreading him performing, but I actually rewound and watched again. I might even say he was better than Elliott Yamin when he performed that song, and that is high praise from me.

David Hernandez. I still find him to be a corny, Jersey-slicky-boy (is he even from New Jersey?), but his vocal was amazing and way better than last week!

David Cook, the rocker with the comb-forward. Great performance, but maybe that was due to the electric guitar? Imagine if they allowed instruments back when my men Bo Bice and Chris Daughtry were performing!

Fabulous Danny Noriega. Very good tonight, very pretty as always.

The Rest
I hate to put Michael the tennis-playing Australian here, but it just wasn't great. Not as bad as the rest, but he was definitely off, especially on the higher parts.

Jason Castro's look bothers me - he had a decent voice but a boring song.

Jason Yeager a/k/a Aquaman is still corny. He picked an awesome song and I actually thought he was much better than last week and not as bad as the judges said he was.

Luke a/k/a Aquaman-with-a-Beard sang a horrid version of a Queen song with a hokey-ass performance.

Robbie is still a wannabe Bo Bice. But he picked a good song and did well enough.

American Idol In 7 Minutes

'Cuz that's all it takes to get through hour-long results shows when you refuse to watch Paula Abdul music videos and what I'm just going to assume was a hideous group performance.

The Rejects were all deserving, no surprises here. Except for the fact that Ryan so unceremoniously called Garrett up on stage and kicked his ass off. LOL! Other guy: Colton.

The girls: Amy. Great, now who's gonna be the Slutty One? And Joanne, the only fat black chick I've ever known who can't sing. Ramiele has the voice she's supposed to have.

Bye losers!

Attack of the Blonde Zombies

My American Idol conversation at work today largely centered around speculation as to which of these girls is going to be this season's whore. There aren't really any hotsie girls, but at least one of them has to be whored-up by the producers.

Man, a lot of these performances were as bad as last night's. They clearly saved the best three for last.

The Only Good Ones
Ramiele. That voice is so out of place in her tiny body! A. May. Zing. I applauded her from my couch. Best of the night!

Carly. The song was dull, she was good but not great. I agree with Simon - she wasn't as good as I thought she would be. So I wasn't blown away, but she is still way better than most of these chicks. She'll get better. And I loved seeing her Tattoo Face Husband sitting in the front row not applauding or reacting to any other performances.

Syesha. Powerful voice. Good, fun performance. I think she'll only get better.

Asia'h. I didn't think she had the strongest voice, but she was a great performer. Then again, maybe she just has a raspy voice. We will see.

Alexandrea. I got into her performance! And respect that homegirl wore sneakers. Simon no likey though.

The Rest
Alaina. It was actually a little shouty for me, dawg, but it was better than most and I saw the potential.

Kristy. Rough. Boring - she looked robotic and unemotional.

Joanne. I actually said "ugh" out loud (I'm the only one in the house mind you) at one point. Boring.

Amanda. That "bluesy rocker" voice is going to get old real fast. Was I supposed to understand the lyrics? Do. Not. Get.

Amy. Who are you? She couldn't sing in tune! Painful. And I vote her Most Likely To Be The Slutty One. It did feel like an eternity, Simon.

Brooke. Booooring. That's a combination of "booo" and "boring."

Kady. Another dull blonde girl?! How many can we have? Her voice was mostly good but her performance was so boring Simon compared it to a pencil. Love you, Simon!

Simon Quote of the Night
"I feel like I'm in a commercial for some washing-up liquid in the 60's." And he accuses Paula of not making sense!

Boys Night + 60s Night = Suckage

Ah, the part of American Idol where I fast-forward through all the talking and just get to the singing and the judging. Tonight largely sucked.

The Only Good Ones
Michael a/k/a The Fabulous Australian. Hot hot hot.

Little David Archuleta. He has one soulful-ass mature voice, but his song selection sucked. He's just too cute for words - I want to put him in my pocket and pet him forever.

Danny a/k/a The Prettiest Girl in the Competition. Again, his voice doesn't fit his look. I worry that he's too gay for Idol. But I like him. He's fabulous!!

Who The F Are You and Why Were You Chosen Over Josiah?
Jason. I guess he was picked because he fills the Himbo category. He looks like he should be playing Aquaman - as long as it's not a musical version.

Luke. Ugh. I puked.

Colton. Blah and corny and forgettable. His parents didn't even look enthused.

The Other Suckage
David Hernandez. Fine by comparison, pretty corny.

Chikezie. Not good, really corny, and the orange suit was bothersome. Amen to Simon on this one - he said everything I did plus called him old-fashioned.

David Cook. The hair bothers me. Is he combing forward over a big bald spot? At least he rearranged his song and made it more modern.

Robbie a/k/a Bo Bice Lite. Booo. Not as "rocking" as he tried to be.

Garrett. He's a 70s-rock reject - that hair! Oh God! Looking like Leif Garrett isn't a compliment dude!

Jason Castro a/k/a White Dreadlocky McGee. He played the guitar. He was better than the others, not that that's saying much.

So ugh, not too many stars in this group of guys.

American Idol Gets on my Bad Side

Worst news first: Josiah the Homeless Boy is OUT! Dagger. He's gonna kill himself now, I just know it. This sucks. Don't cry, Josiah!! You can come live with me!!! Mike is now protesting and refusing to watch this season. So he'll be on the sofa next to me, but will be watching his PSP (allegedly).

IN: Irish Chick, Archuleta, Filipina, Australian Dude, and Dead-Dad Girl. I don't know who half the people were tonight. But it's always high comedy to watch the girls fall apart before they even get the news.

Home of the Josiah Leming Fan Club

I'm a huge fan of Josiah the Homeless Boy from American Idol. Holy crap, he's good! He sounds like a professional. AND HE LIVES IN HIS CAR!!! How can you not love this boy? Mike's actually in love with him - he rewound the performance, and Mike claims to hate this show. I don't know this song, but loved it. (I'm going to pretend that his second audition didn't happen, since it wasn't this good.)

Last night we cut from 160-something to 50. I can do without the melodramatic stylings of Ryan Seacrest - "yesterday's historic elimination", "the most dramatic Hollywood day ever." Right.

Who I like besides Josiah: the Filipina chick, the Irish chick, the Australian guy, and David Archuleta, the 16-year-old whose voice sounds so much older. He rules.

Fear American Idol

It has returned.

Every year I act like it's a chore to watch American Idol, like I don't really want to, but it's my obligation as an American citizen. But then every year I enjoy myself. Mind you, I'm not recommending that anyone watch it live. Hell no. This show is the reason god made DVRs. I got through a 2-hour show in 1 hour.

Our first show brings us to Philadelphia, which you know means you're only going to get the classiest of people. Things never change on this show. Randy still says "good lookin' out" (which I still don't understand), Paula is still incoherent and is serenaded by at least 2 contestants, and Simon still puts no effort into his wardrobe (just a white tee shirt this time). I still laugh out loud when Randy and Paula cover their faces because they're laughing too hard, and right in the contestant's face. I still laugh at the "tearjerker" stories. And Simon is still 100% dead-on accurate with everything he says. He said some chick looked like Willem Dafoe and goddammit he was right!!

My favorite idiot was probably the Egyptian guy who loves "Mr. The Bee Gees" and wants to meet a woman he will love "from hair to nipple." I'm rooting for Angela Martin, the cute wedding singer with the kid with the disease, and Beth Stalker, whose voice I loved. Just putting those on record in case they make it.

Finally, that Star Wars chick at the end was painful to watch because it soooo could have been me. Believe it or not, I made a right turn somewhere.

American Idol: the DVR Strikes Back

Well, technically I should be blaming FOX and not my DVR. We watched the first hour of Lost and then switched back to finish AI. Too bad the show ran over and thus the DVR totally cut off the end. You know, the important part. Where they name the freaking winner! Not that I cared that much. So we found out Jordin won by watching the local news.

I had the first hour on in the background. I watched Gwen and Kelly though - they both rocked the joint. And I watched Blake. What can I say? I like beatboxing. I think it takes a lot of talent to make your voice do that. So I loved his performance with Doug E. Fresh.

Tony Bennet's old as dirt but he was awesome too! It was cool to see all the old winners. Good to see Ruben again - he's still alive and kicking. Taylor was really good during that Paul McCartney tribute. So good I was shocked. They all were during that segment.

So AI comes to a close, along with all my other shows. This has been an exhausting May Sweeps! More on Lost later.

American Idol: I Hate My DVR

My DVR cut off Chris Daughtry's performance at the end. DAGGER! I heart Chris Daughtry. Anyway, on with the show....

I didn't fast forward through Ryan's introduction of the judges since I heard Paula broke her nose. Her nose looks fine but she has an S-load of crappy extensions in her hair. She says she tripped over her dog and then Ryan says, "So the bitch is OK." I predict he takes a lot of heat for saying "bitch" on a family show. I hope his head rolls for this! Get Al Sharpton on this immediately! Also, what is Randy wearing? A jacket with chains and buttons all over it. He looks like a superfly French general.

Blake does my favorite beatboxing version of "You Give Love a Bad Name". The crowd goes wild.

Jordin does Christina Aguilera's "Fighter". She's singing too low, she gets off-rhythm in the middle, and she kind of loses her voice at one point. It's not as fierce as it should be. I'm disappointed.

Blake does "She Will Be Loved". He's got the high voice for it; excellent choice. His fan base will eat this up.

Ricky Schroeder is in the audience. He appears to have his sight. Marlee Matlin is in the audience. Ask her who she likes best!!

Jordin does the country song she kicked ass at earlier. And she kicks ass again. She holds the last note for about 8 minutes. She rulz.

Now for the original song. Always the lamest part of an American Idol finale. Blake does fine with it, considering it's not really his style. I can already tell Jordin will do better with it. And she does. It's a ballad more suited to a girl. The fix is in!

Blake will be fine no matter what. He doesn't need this lame title. (See Chris Daughtry.) Jordin should win, even though she cried during the last part of her song. That was a little much. Jordin Sparks has the look, the spunk, the name, and the voice. Go Jordin!

About Last Night

I think the Final Two on American Idol are the perfect Final Two. We get two completely different styles. If Blake is smart, he will emphasize his voice and go easy on the beatboxing. And I think he's smart. Plus, show the tattoos and stop with the mismatched patterns and sweater vests. Jordin needs to play up the young thing, but without proclaiming, "I'm only 17!" every two seconds and mugging for the cameras. There -- my unsolicited advice for the finalists.

Lost was pretty good. The plan to blow up the tents when The Others raid the beach is destined to fail. Charlie's storyline almost gave me a creeper - and I hate Charlie! But the man was sacrificing himself so that people could be rescued. He swam to the underwater station and when he entered it, he was greeted by two gun-toting chicks. I have a feeling these chicks escaped The Others (maybe because they were being experimented on) and have been hiding out in the station.

If I remember correctly, I cheered at the television because Sayid finally put Jack in his place a bit. I heart Sayid!

American Idol: It's Anybody's Game

I'm stumped! I don't know who should make it to the finals.

Jordin's performances got better and better. So did Blake's. "Roxanne" made my ears bleed in a couple spots. But then that last song was off the hook!! I think Blake has the teenage white girl vote locked down, especially since he sang songs from this century. I think he's in.

Melinda was totally perfect on all three songs. But she doesn't have the Idol quality. Meaning she's stumpy and old-looking. And no fair giving her Whitney and Tina songs - of course she's going to work those out!

What was up with Paula's comments being so short tonight? No odd analogies, no lengthy explanations. Come on, Paula - we only have one more show for you to judge!

I'll go ahead and say it's Blake and Melinda in the finals. But I want my girl Jordin in there!

Jive Singin' on American Idol

It's Bee Gees Night. And they're doing two songs each. Good thing I'm watching on DVR. Fast forward.

Melinda's good, as usual. First song (the song, not the performance) sucked ass. Second performance was better. Hair looked good. Wasn't inspiring.

Blake. These songs are only good if someone with the last name Gibb is singing them. It's just plain embarrassing when another guy sings them. The beatboxing didn't work for me either, Randy.

LaKisha. Leggings don't do her any favors. She's pretty good; the second performance was definitely better.

Jordin made "To Love Somebody" sound a little bit country - and I loved every second of it! That performance was amazing! I thought the second song (some crap sung by Barbra Streisand) was really good too, but the judges didn't love it. I may have been distracted, however, by the fact that Mike knew all the words and was singing along with her. WTF?

Nice eye makeup, Paula. Ryan - would it kill you to eat a cheeseburger or lift some weights? Put on some weight, dammit - you're standing next to a 17-year-old girl twice your size!!

Go home: Sorry to say Blake. The novelty is just that, a novelty. Won't last. Jordin should have this thing locked up.

Another AI Separated at Birth

See it now, Mike?