27 November 2012


Our Gang of Idiots is in Philly, so Gus Fring thinks Monroe should beat cheeks to Boston for a while.  Fool, Monroe don't run.

Gus Fring finds the crew hiding out in a friendly house.  Bella's Dad has gone to do whatever it is he needs to do, so he's not there.  Charlie is thrown into a cell with her mom, who recognizes her instantly by her voice.  And appearance.  A daughter who was, like, 10 last time they saw each other.  I guess a mother always knows. Then they get reunited with Boring Danny too.  It's boring.  Monroe's all, "Hey, Charlie's Mom, are you enjoying the family reunion?  Make me some power, bitch, or choose which one of your kids dies." 

Bella's Dad, meanwhile, is in Gus Fring's house with a sword to his wife's neck.  Nice.  He wants his family back.  If that was really Gus Fring, he'd be all, "Cut that bitch's head off."  But it's not, so instead he says hold on a second, I'll get your friends.  And then he tells them where to find Charlie and Boring Danny.

Our flashbacks are meant to show us how much Monroe and Bella's Dad are in love, and make us feel sympathy for Monroe, whose family was killed in a car accident.  We're also hammered over the head with Johnny Crowder being creepy.  We get it.  He's a cartoon psychopath.  Charlie's Mom kills him.

Danny and Charlie escape from their cell, because it's what they do.  And Bella's Dad and his Hot Latina GF are breaking in to find them at the same time.  Bella's Dad's sword saves the day again.  So at last they've found Danny... but now they have to get Mom!  At least that happens quicker than the 8-year ordeal to find Danny.

Time for the Miles and Monroe faceoff!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!  Monroe's all, We were BFFs, man, what the eff?  Monroe won't kill him, he wants him back.  Aw, how sweet.   I should be getting a strong gay vibe off this show, but unfortunately it's not good enough for me to.  I just don't care.  Make out, then maybe I will.  Or shoot him in the face, then things can get interesting.

Bella's Dad is all, You're nothing to me; I should have killed you the first time.  FISTFIGHT!!!!!!  Then - shocker - SWORDFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It's decent too, until it ends when Bella's Dad runs away.   Everyone gets out alive -- and then a helicopter takes off.  Charlie's Mom really should have sabotaged that power device after killing that dude....

20 November 2012


Bella's Dad is the shit, with his sword and his rugged leather coat.  He is the ONLY thing tolerable about this damn show.

Our Gang of Idiots have teamed up with some Rebels and are walking through the train tunnels to Philly.  Charlie steps on a landmine.  YAY!!! Blow up, Charlie!!  Shocker, Charlie tells them all to leave and, shocker, they won't.  Tragically, they all escape the explosion, but now there is literally no turning back, as the tunnel behind them is blocked.

Charlie's Mom is building some machine and explains to a new Militia guy (and therefore the audience) that the Mystical Flash Drive Pendant is like a wireless battery that powers small appliances, like CD players featuring plugs for Led Zeppelin albums, and works only within a short range.  Her machine will be an amplifier so it can work up to 1/2 a mile and power larger things... like missiles.  But Gus Fring is suspicious of her and sends in a guy for a second opinion.  She's not making an amplifier -- she's making a bomb.  Now that's clever.  She also kills the second-opinion guy so that they need her to build the amplifier for real now.  Are you sure you're related to Charlie?  (And do you think you're Walter White?)

Our Gang of Idiots are slowly suffocating because the rubble from the explosion also cut off their air supply.  And we know this because they are starting to hallucinate.  But just for a little while, and then they conveniently stop.  They can breathe fine though.  I need a doctor to tell me if this is possible, thank you.  There also seems to be a lot of air in those great big tunnels.  But whatever. 

Bella's Dad's hallucination features the music of Led Zeppelin and a visit from Monroe.  Have you heard they have some greatest hits album out or something?  That's the rumor.  Why does Monroe look like he wants to bang Bella's Dad?  I'd totally watch that show.  Please.

Nerdy Hipster Guy sees his wife, who is the boring nag she always was.  Good thing they find a door and get some air, but then a Rebel guy they're traveling with is suddenly actually Militia and kills everyone who isn't in the main cast (dagger!) and takes Bella's Dad.  Then Charlie shoots the Militia guy and he gets a shot off at her as he goes down.  YAAAYYYY!  We're then treated to Charlie dreaming about her Dad being alive and Miles trying to wake her up, mostly by yelling, "Wake up!"  Go to the light, Charlie!!!  Ugh this show slows down so much when it's about Charlie, especially when she utters the word, "Danny."  She wakes up.  The bullet just grazed her head.  Shit.

I'm pretty sure after next week we don't get another episode of Revolution for 4 months.  This is going to be the Greatest 4 Months of My Life.

This Is What Maturity Looks Like?

When you have 4 episodes of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge backed up on your DVR, you give up and delete them.  That's too many hours of my life to waste all at once.  Plus, you know, I barely knew anyone who was left anyway.  Let me know if something happens.

16 November 2012


Pacey's got the Observer power to see a series of events that will happen.  And he uses that power to make sure one misses a meeting.  Careful now, let's not go abusing this wondrous gift!

Time for another video tape!  They have to use William Bell's handprint to access his storage facility and retrieve 2 of those cylindrical beacon things the Observers use.  Good thing they have Bell's hand that they cut out of the amber when the team was first found.  Too bad the storage facility is part of a bombed-out building.

The team goes to find Old Nina, who will have access to some technology that can help them clear away the rubble without damaging the storage facility.  Nina's hair is silver and fierce; she and Olivia appear to have that same connection they did in that one universe, the one where Nina raised her.

Meanwhile, Peter's gone off on his own and tries to do the trick again to anticipate the Observer's behavior and get their Rebel friend to switch briefcases with him.  But there's a variable he didn't anticipate so the Rebel can't make the switch.  Peter's also getting some major hot flashes.

Peter tries again and it works, resulting in the Rebel exploding something inside the briefcase all over a group of Observers - something that makes their skin look burned up and their jaws fall off of their faces.  Kickass effects, zombie style!  I like it.

Olivia's not falling for Peter's shitty excuses for disappearing from time to time.  He's also becoming a little more robotic in the way he speaks.  She knows something's up.  Meanwhile, the team gets access to the rubble and enters the storage room.  They find a device, which Peter activates, and the beacons rise from the ground.

Olivia discovers Peter's crazy drawings of timelines - he's tracking the Observer lieutenants, anticipating their actions, and is totes a robot!  He tells her that he has the tech in his head.  He's totally speaking like an Observer; it's freaky!!  The toxin he used on the Observers was the very first Fringe event toxin that killed all the people on that plane.  Now he's ready to attack the leader.  And just when I say, "I hope he doesn't go bald," some hair falls out into his hand.   Nooooooooo!

This Week's Code: TRUST

14 November 2012


Our band of idiots buys their way across a Militia bridge near Philly and right into Johnny Crowder's trap.  They run and escape, because it's what they do.  Then Johnny brings out Nora's sister to try to get them to surrender.  I don't care about Nora, I care even less about her sister.  It takes a matter of moments for the band of idiots to mix up some explosives and free her sister.  Well, that was easy.  Then the sister is going to split, because Nora would rather stay with these idiots than go with her sister to see their father.  Nora is dumb.  Charlie releases Nora of her "contract" and the sisters walk off together, to Texas.  Bye, dummies.

AHAHAHAHAHA Nora's sister played her -- she was working for Johnny Crowder and stole the Mystical Flash Drive Pendant for him and led the band of idiots into a(nother) trap.  She even lied about finding their father.  AHAHAHA this bitch is awesome.

Well of course Nora goes back to rescue the idiots and of course there is swordfighting.  But they don't rescue the Mystical Flash Drive Pendant, and now Monroe has it.

Also over in Militia-land, Monroe plans to banish Gus Fring's son to California.  Gus won't let that happen -- he gets some convenient dirt on another officer's son who is a rebel.  He tells Monroe, and in exchange for the favor, his son gets to stick around.  In other news, Gus Fring's wife wants his ass to be in charge.

Our cliffhanger involves some people in some giant crappy bluescreen tracking Flash Drive Pendants all over the country.  OK whatever.  This show.  Stinks.

10 November 2012


Back to the Great Hunt for the Video Tapes.  Olivia and Pacey are busy grieving (helllla depressing) so Walter goes off on his own to an apartment listed in the latest videotape.  Where's Astrid?  Isn't she supposed to have a leash on him?  She must have been in the crapper cuz then she comes into the lab looking for him.

The apartment building is abandoned and has been through some kind of universe-ripping event.  And when Walter crosses one of the rooms in a certain way, he disappears into another universe.  It's like a trippy haunted house maze apartment with upside-down rooms and stuff. 

The team comes to the apartment to find Walter and then follow Videotaped-Walter into and through the "pocket universe."  On the videotape, Walter is walking around with an Observer Baby, or at least a kid like that little bald kid from Season 1 or 2.  Observer Baby isn't in the room where Video-taped Walter left him.  They figure that Donald took him, Donald being the guy Walter was working with back in the day when he was recording his tapes.  They find an olde timey radio that's sure to be important at some point, but nothing else.

Meanwhile, they left Astrid in the real universe, because Astrid always gets left behind.  She sees Observers coming to the apartment (they caught Walter on camera walking in the neighborhood).  The team escapes, but first Peter gets to do some hand-to-hand combat with an Observer -- and Peter is as fast and strong as they are, snapping the Observer's neck.  Badass.  And now Peter's seeing in blue like Observers do.

This Week's Code: SPLIT

06 November 2012


We open with Charlie getting branded with the Monroe insignia.  Nice.  Two days earlier....

The crew is ambushed by a ragtag group of kids not seen since Children of the Corn.  They're looking for a kid who was taken by the Militia.  Blah blah kids making a society blah blah no parents blah blah find brothers blah blah.  Everyone bands together to rescue the kid, who is being forced, along with other kids, to train for the Militia.

Monroe has been torturing someone Charlie's Mom knows for one of those Mystical Flash Drive Pendants.  Charlie's Mom tries to get the guy to tell her where it is, but she sucks at it, so the guy knows she's a spy.  When he still won't talk, Gus Fring brings in the guy's daughter.

Flashback to Charlie's parents -- they had a company that developed a way to inhibit electricity.  Last time I checked, it's called A POWER BUTTON.  Maybe a lightswitch.  The Department of Defense is interested in it.  In the same way they're interested in $900 toilets.  Also, we find out Danny had some kind of condition while his mom was carrying him, and he was all weakened and stuff, which explains his dishrag-ness.  And the DoD offered to help the baby in exchange for their cooperation.

So Charlie gets captured because that's just what she does.  And she's brought into the training, or at least the orientation, wherein they are beaten to death if they try to leave.  And also where you get branded.

Bella's Dad comes to rescue Charlie because that's just what he does.  And there is swordfighting.  Naturally.  Also, in the midst of things, Nerdy Hipster Guy's Mystical Flash Drive Pendant goes off and gets electricity going for minute again.

The end.  This show stinks.....

04 November 2012


Papa Pacey is bitter because his baby's dead.  Elsewhere, The Observers are closing down a street for a portal-between-two-universes event in which 3 large boxes are "shipped" over.

Astrid's still working on that damn Great Hunt for the Video Tapes, but has hit a stumbling block because propane and ethanol that were going to be used in a bratwurst cook are precariously close to where the laser needs to go.  Seriously.  That's the stumbling block.  This show is turning into a parody with this blasted Great Hunt for the Video Tapes.

They meet up with a Resistance buddy of Etta's who tells the team that the Observers are shipping back parts and escalating their plan to degrade the air to the point where it shortens human lifespans.  Peter wants to get some Observer tech, open up the portal, and destroy the Future -- hard.  Luckily, the Resistance has captured an Observer with said tech! Now Peter just has to figure it out.

Peter uses some pupil-response-device to get the Observer to clue him in on the proper way to assemble the tech.  Commence sabotage!!!!  It doesn't go as planned though.  It does at first, and they think they've created a black hole on the other side, but then another shipment comes through so they obviously weren't destroyed.

Commence plastic bag suffocation torture!!!!  Turns out, Peter's reading of the Observer's dilated pupils wasn't accurate because, well, Observers are emotionless, reactionless effs.  So the device didn't work.  Peter wants to "put the Observers' tech" in his head.  Which involves him strapping the Observer down and pulling something out of the base of his neck.  R.I.P. Asshole!  And now Peter inserts that tech into his head.  Oh this'll go well...........

As if one hunt for video tapes wasn't enough, now Walter's finding tapes of Etta's birthdays in his desk.  Olivia watches it and remembers the good old days and calls Peter to tell him she wants him back and wants them to be together like they used to.  Well, too late, sweetie, cuz now he's got some metal wormy thing in his head!!!!!!!!!

Man, every episode ENDS awesomely lately.

This Week's Code: FIGHT