29 October 2009

Top Chef

Quickfire Challenge: Make a TV dinner inspired by an assigned TV show. I want Kevin's meatballs and polenta and roasted cauliflower so bad I can taste it. I'll take Brian's meatloaf, mashed potatoes, and apple pie too. Damn. Kevin wins.

Elimination Challenge: Take over Tom's restaurant, Craftsteak. Everyone assumes they have to make steak, and plan accordingly. They get really, really excited over the meat in the kitchen. But they didn't know what I know - that Natalie Portman is the guest judge of this episode. And that means... no meat. BUZZKILL!

There's lots of mushrooms and eggplant. A lot of the food looks like diarrhea. Natalie was hysterical - making fun of people and laughing at Padma's unintentionally-dirty talk. I think she was high.

During a commercial, we got a clip of the contestants going to Bartolotta, which was the money restaurant we went to in Vegas. I was wondering when it would make an appearance.

Winner: Kevin. His definitely looked like it was the most satisfying. (That's what she said.) I love that man. I need to travel to wherever his restaurant is NOW. Even if it is Atlanta.

Bye-bye: Michael I. How sad, but the man didn't use protein and basically boiled leeks. Ew. In the beginning, I thought he was a dirtbag Italian, but I was wrong. He was a dirtbag Greek dude, but he was talented. Let's face it, he wasn't destined for the finals, but he was better than Robin or Eli.

TV Is Really Pissing Me Off

I started my day with the "great" news that the SyFy (really?) Channel is going to make an American version of Being Human. NO! Being Human is amazing. And British. And does not deserve to be gutted and crapped on by America. Please watch the original version, people. It's amazing.

Then I finished my day with the rumor that Fringe might not make it through the season. That makes sense. Take the best new show of last season and put it on Thursdays opposite a bunch of established stuff so that it ends up in the ratings basement and then cancel it. NO! Fox will feel my wrath!!!

But that second article has a bit of good news - the writers for Heroes are being told to prepare themselves for the series finale this May, giving them a chance to wrap up all their storylines before then.

And then earlier Entertainment Weekly reported that Chuck's order is being upped to 19 episodes. So thank god for small miracles. It's not all bad.


27 October 2009

SYTYCD: Performances AND Results

Baseball effs with my shows once again - it's because of baseball that we get no separate results show. Actually, I think that's a good thing; I'd rather knock it out in one episode. Thanks, baseball!

Cat's looking lovely today, all Veronica Lake hair and red Asian dress.

Nigel's been name-dropping and whoring for Paula Abdul only twice now, but it's already too much. Enough. We don't need that spacey whore.


1. Channing and Phillip - Jive. Phillip is a spoken-word-poet. Guess what? I hate him even more now. DIE PHILLIP! They both seem to be trying too hard, focusing too much on the steps - and I've decided I'll hate Phillip no matter what.

2. Ashleigh and Jakob - Broadway by Tyce. She bothers me because she's 8 feet tall and a horseface, so I'll never like anything she does. He was amazing - really flexible and great lines. He was like the star of the piece and she was horsey background noise.

3. Ariana and Peter - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Peter is a Philly Dirtbag, but they were pretty good.

4. Russell and Noelle - Foxtrot. Noelle injured her knee this week in rehearsals... and somehow is not immediately DQ'd. So instead Russell has to dance with the choreographer with red hair. This will be the ultimate test for Russell! He played his character well and I thought he was good.

5. Bianca and Victor - Contemporary by Travis Wall. She was surprisingly good. I thought she wasn't going to be great in anything other than tap, but I thought her lines were great and they had so many cool little tricks in the routine. He was really good and it was a great routine.

6. Karen and Kevin - Cha cha. OK, so they danced to "Push It" which I found totally distracting. Because I was just jamming along to the song - their performance was incidental. I don't know what she did other than vamp, and he was out of his element. I like Karen a lot, but I wasn't feeling it. Again, I think I was just focused on the kickass song.

7. Ellenore and Ryan - Contemporary Jazz by Sonya. Ellenore's amazing. I don't like Ryan personally, with his gross muscles and general grossness, but he was good too. Go figure.

8. Pauline and Brandon - Smooth Waltz. Brandon's the Asian Hip Hop Dude Who Replaced Billy. Two Asian tastes that taste great together. (But Pauline and Billy would have been technically amazing, dude.) They were really adorable together though. A really pretty, lovely dance that probably wasn't technically amazing, but was fun to watch. Especially considering he only had a day and a half to learn it - their chemistry and romantic performance really made this for me.

9. Kathryn and Legacy - Hip Hop by Dave Scott. Legacy lucked out with that style - he's an amazing b-boy and he really got to showcase it. It was the most fun routine of the night - loved it!

10. Mollee and Nathan - Disco. I find Mollee WAY annoying, so I have to avoid looking at her smiley face while she dances. They had all of these amazing lifts, but toward the end you could tell they were tired and it was a little more awkward.

Bottom Two Guys: Brandon and Russell. Woah - what!? Russell? They're clearly just trying to get him to show his awesomeness and sorry, Brandon, that means you're out. Actually... Brandon was good. BUT HE'S NO RUSSELL!!!

Bottom Two Girls: Ariana and Pauline. Well, there's a clear loser here too, right?

Bye-bye: Ariana and Brandon. Agree. Nigel's going to try to change the rules so that Brandon can come back next season - since he was really only on the show for a day and didn't get a fair shot at the Top 20. Cool.

I still don't understand how the girl who DIDN'T PERFORM doesn't get kicked out. I bet she's still injured next week and Ariana comes back.

As much as I love this show, these 2 hour shows kill me. Too. Bloody. Long.

Acting With James Franco

I just found these videos and they're cracking me up. I guess they're a year old, but I found them much funnier than the James Franco video circulating today. On these videos, Mr. Franco demonstrates the craft of acting with his brother. I especially love the music used in the opening - I'm going to have that in my head all night now. James Franco continues to be my comedy hero.

26 October 2009

SYTYCD: Meet the Dancers

This is new! A bonus performance episode at the beginning of the season that introduces us to the dancers by allowing them to do their style. It's not a competition night -- more like a showcase. I approve of this.

After a cool Wade Robson group number, the dancers were broken out by genre.

1. Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon - Russell the Crumper (my absolute fave!), Kevin, and Legacy (who sucks - I mean, he's good as a b-boy, but he sucked it up during Vegas Week). IT WAS OFF THE HOOK! I'm telling you, Russell is one to watch for - he's going to be like Joshua from 2 seasons back where he can do anything. I hope it's true!

2. Contemporary by Tyce Diorio - Ariana, Nathan, Jakob the Ginger, and Channing. Nathan is the standout in this group.

3. Tap by a Tap Choreographer We'll Never See Again. This year, we have 3 tappers so they HAD to give them the chance to showcase their style. We have Peter, Bianca, and Phillip Who Annoys The Crap Out of Me. It was definitely cool to see, but you wonder how much versatility they'll have. Especially Peter.

4. Jazz by Sonya - Mollee, Pauline, and Ellenore. The routine didn't really grab me, but I LOVED Pauline and Ellenore during the pre-season. Mollee still looks like a 12 year old.

5. Contemporary by Mandy Moore - Billy, Victor, Noelle, and Kathryn the Crier. I focused on Billy the whole time because, right before the show, it was announced that Billy had to withdraw from the competition due to illness. Which SUCKS. Because he's AMAZING.

6. Latin Ballroom - Ryan and Ashleigh, the married couple (yes, it's legal for guys to marry horses where they come from), and Karen. It was fine. I like Karen waaaaay more than Ashleigh. And Ryan's just gross.

So Billy's out and will be replaced by Brandon, a hip hopper. Tomorrow we get the first competition night -- and the first elimination.


Sylar bangs Matt's wife using Matt's body. That's awesome. Matt decides it's not safe for his wife and kid anymore, and tells her what's going on (more or less) and then she's all, That's cool, I'll leave, no biggie. Wow, she's understanding. Matt starts drinking, and discovers that as he gets drunk, Sylar loses control. Matt drinks until Sylar disappears, which of course is when his wife and his partner show up. (Hey, I thought she was going out of town for a while.) Once Matt sobers up (in a record 10 minutes), Sylar is there waiting for him - now he's the one in the driver's seat. I guess.

Bennet is with Jeremy (the healer/killer kid), who is being held by the cops for his parents' death. Bennet calls Tracy in to help because... she's good with teenaged boys? She talks to him, sharing that she accidentally killed someone once too. Aw, they have something in common. Also, Jeremy totally had snot coming out of his nose when he was crying. On the one hand, gross; on the other hand, yay for realism.

T Bag shows up to try to get Tracy to bring her new younger boyfriend to the carnival. Then, quite hilariously, the whole town seems to show up to protest when Jeremy's being released from police custody. Jeremy freaks out, kills a dude by accident, and runs back into the police station, because he'd rather be locked up than hurt anyone. BUT IT DOESN'T END THERE! One of the cops takes the kid out back for some vigilante-style justice, chaining him to the back of a truck and dragging him off. Tracy and Bennet find him dead in the road. Um, that's really gross. I might be offended by this. Suddenly, the Happy Carnival seems like a great idea to Tracy.

T Bag knows about the asshole cops and brings the police station to the ground. I could make a Prison Break joke here.

In even lamer news, Claire and Gretchen are "kidnapped" by their sorority and hazed. Over the course of the hazing, it's discovered that the Invisible Sorority Girl is an invisible sorority girl, and that she was trying to kill Gretchen.

But guess what -- next week we get Hiro going back in time to save Charlie. Which means we get to relive a time when the show was good - Season 1. I'm getting all nostalgic just thinking about it. It better be good.

24 Promos

Stop me if you've heard this one before: Jack Bauer doesn't work for the government anymore. OK, so that's been done before -- but I'll bet you've never heard a kid call him Grandpa before.

I like the first promo for the usage of a kickass 300 remix and a glimpse of Starbuck. The second rules for Jack saying "I hate this place." Oh LOL Jack Bauer hates his job too!

See them here while you still can!

23 October 2009

Project Runway

Challenge: Create a look inspired by a locale - chosen from a group of photos. Wow, we're getting desperate for challenges, aren't we?

Irina might be a bitch - always talking crap about the other designers' work - but she's a talented bitch. And an accurate one -- Christopher's dress did look Amish. What happened to him!?!?

Hail, hail, the gang's all here: Michael Kors AND Nina Garcia in the same room again.

Logan's was too casual for Hollywood. Zippers on the ankles make it "edgy"? Ugh. Maybe going old-Hollywood glamour would have been cliched though.

Althea's was perfect St. Tropez.

Nicolas's had ZERO inspiration from Greece ("You can wear it IN Greece" - LOL Nicolas.) Michael Kors called it the wrong Greece - Grease the movie. ZING!

Carol Hannah's dress is gorgeous, but looks like something Uli from a couple seasons ago would have made. It's a very cliche Palm Beach look.

Christopher kind of saved his by cutting 20 inches off the bottom, but it was still awful. I can only imagine how bad it would have been otherwise.

Irina's Aspen look was outstanding. Goddamn, but that girl's clothes are so much better than everyone else's, so well-made. I love her jackets and sweaters!!

Gordana's New York look was a bit dull and gray, but the necklace thing was fab.

Winner: Irina. Duh. Talented, gorgeous bitch.

Bye-bye: Nicolas.

I'll bet there are no dudes in the finale this year - they all stink now. Maybe they'll have to have a token dude though. My man Christopher needs to go back to his formerly fabulous self!!

I Work With Special People

This belongs on FAIL Blog.

This is what greeted me on the way into the building today. At first I smiled because the smiley face was cute. And then I laughed because these are not the kind of people I'd want to do "buisness" with.

Business FAIL.

The Ruins: Put Tonya On Suicide Watch

Tonya. Is. A. Mess. This is no surprise to anyone. She's a sloppy, drunken divorcee who eats a possibly-still-living moth. Tonya gets in Veronica's face and it's delicious... until she smacks her in the head. Well, even that was fun. Tonya smacks Veronica and pulls her hair and tackles her to the ground and has to be pulled off. What fun!! I love how everyone was having a great time just watching them bitch at each other, and then once there's violence everyone is all concerned. I swear Evan was eating his noodles like popcorn, enjoying the show, and then he's first to act all concerned. He cracks me up.

Bye-bye: Tonya.

Katie comes in second for crazy - and her limit is a plunger in her bed. I figured out who Katie reminds me of - Lindsay Lohan. In more ways than one. I'll bet LiLo would go apeshit on someone over a plunger in the bed too.

The Ruins: Darrell v. Fat Danny (no really, he is a tubby mofo) and Katie v. Sarah.

Bye-bye the Second: Katie, who earlier claimed that this is her last Challenge -- for about the third time. Please don't be anyone's mother, Katie. Please.

Bye-bye the Third: Danny and his gut.

Are Evan and Kenny doing it in that little bed/fort of theirs? I think they are. Hot.

22 October 2009

Top Chef

Quickfire: Tag team cookoff - 4 chefs per side, 10 minute cooking intervals each, and no talking. And while one person's cooking, the other 3 have to be blindfolded. Holy crap! Talk about improv cooking.

And then it's Restaurant Wars!!!!!! The Brothers are teamed with Lameass Eli and Crappy Robin, then the other team is Kevin, Jennifer, Michael, and Crappy Laurine.

Eli is front-of-the-house. Ew. I'd run from that restaurant with that douchebag and his hunched shoulders and his too-tight clothes. There's a ton of tension in that kitchen, with The Brothers sniping at each other and fighting with Robin.

Laurine is front-of-the-house at the other restaurant. Ew again, but she sucks so badly they had to get her out of the kitchen. This group decided to do no desserts (always a weakness on Top Chef), and it stood out to the judges right away. And Laurine sucks as much at front-of-house as she does at cooking. I hate you, Laurine. Jennifer botches her fish and Kevin botches his lamb. What is this Bizarro World???

Losing Team: Jennifer, Kevin, et al. Bizarro World I tell you!

Bye-bye: Laurine. Well, thank heavens. My peoples got to pick themselves back up next week!!

Fringe-less Thursdays Stink

I hate baseball for many reasons, not the least of which involve tobacco, fat guys with mullets, and boredom. But now I hate it because it preempts my Fringe for a couple weeks. In the meantime, enjoy this pretty cool promo that will air tonight - soundtrack by Trent Reznor. He's remixing his own stuff for Fringe, y'all!! That's so geekily awesome!

19 October 2009


When we last left Hiro, he had appeared in Peter's apartment. Peter took him to the hospital and they discuss Hiro's brain tumor. Peter teleports over to Bennet's house and asks to borrow a Healer. Claire offers her healing blood, but that won't work -- because a tumor is living tissue or something. OK, fine, then they should just cut out the tumor and then have Claire heal him. That would work, no?

No, that would be too easy. Instead, Bennet and Peter go after a kid Bennet once bagged and tagged. The kid's supposed to be a healer, but everything in his yard is dead, along with his pets and parents. It seems his power has gone a bit wonky and on occasion does the polar opposite of healing. The kid's freaking out and shoots Peter, but of course there's not much drama there, as the kid also heals him. I have to say, I did like Peter's reaction to being brought back to life. Part orgasm, part euphoric laughter - it seemed authentic to me.

We also got T-Bag and Sylar, together at last. T-Bag wants Sylar to remember his true, evil self, and so he has a Dreadlocked Dude take him to the House of Mirrors. You know, cuz it looks cool. Sylar is tortured by the memories of his various murders. Luckily, T-Bag's there with the "It's OK we're all family here and we accept you for who you are" shtick.

T-Bag baptizes Sylar. Literally. I didn't realize the carnival was its own freaking religion. First you get baptized then you get to bang the hot tattooed chick. Sign me up.

We were also "treated" to even more Deaf Girl color-sound power that makes no more sense than last week. Poor Emma was left at the hospital with Hiro, trying to make sense of his Japanese lips. Hiro teaches her how awesome powers are and yet... sorry, sweetie, yours isn't all that awesome. In the end, Hiro transports to 3 years ago to save Charlie the Memory Girl.

I have to say, I am intrigued by one thing from the preview for next week - Parkman's banging his wife out really good but it's really Sylar in his head? That sounds like fun times.

17 October 2009

Happy Early Halloween!

A cold front came through today and inspired me to carve pumpkins. (Cold front meaning it's 79 right now and expected to get down to 62 tonight.) I'll bet you can't tell which one was made freehand!

I've also got a Halloween Tree this year. It's a pretty brilliant piece of Hallmark marketing, and I ate it up. Though I'd like to note I also made some of my own ornaments - from things like earrings and rubber skeletons.

The Ruins

Maybe I was multi-tasking (laundry, Facebooking) too much, but this episode bored me. There is the usual back-and-forth about strategy, but no fistfights. Evan flirts with Veronica, but it doesn't lead anywhere exciting. Wes claims he's donating all of his money to charity, but no one believes him.

The Challengers win for the first time, and I guess that was supposed to be a big deal.

In the Ruins: Brianna and Susie; Syrus and Adam.

Bye-bye: Brianna and Adam.

Now next week? I'll see you next week -- GIRLFIGHTING!!!!!!!

16 October 2009

Project Runway

Challenge: Create an extravagant stage look (for Christina Aguilera) in the style of Bob Mackie, who I thought would look a lot older than he does. Actually, I thought he was dead.

My adorable Shirin makes a monstrosity and then "fixes" it after Tim tells her it looks like student work. Irina passes judgment on everyone, as usual. At least she has the talent to back up her arrogance, unlike Nicolas.

Nina Garcia is back. Thank god. She's our trade-off for no Michael Kors I guess.

Gordana's is awful - but she has immunity. She's lucky; she even admits it was a disaster.

Carol Hannah was good; she's probably the only one I liked. The rest were either too weird or too ugly or too boring.

Winner: Carol Hannah.

Bye-bye: Shirin. It was between her and Christopher, and either way I would end up heartbroken. My girl crush is gone! Nooooo.

Top Chef

Quickfire Challenge: Making something that pairs with those disgusting chip things. You know, those snacks that are supposed to be hot (onion strings, waffle fries) but some idiots decided to make them into shelf-stable form. Eli wins, which is just a travesty. I hate him - he's talentless and a douchebag.

Elimination Challenge: The chefs have to work with an assigned part of the pig, and pair it with Pinot. Mmmmm... pig.

Kevin's excited because he loves pig. He has a pig tattoo, but what tattoo doesn't he have? The man loves fat - he buys all the bacon at the store, he asks if they have lard, and he happily cuts the fat off of his pig leg.

Brian sweats a lot. This is disconcerting because I'm going to his restaurant in November. He will be sweating all over my 21 courses.

The usual suspects sucked: the old chicks and Ash. And the usuals (a/k/a The Final Four) were money: Brian, Michael V, Jennifer, and Kevin.

Winner: Kevin. Duh. He's the freaking Pig Man.

Bye-bye: Ash. That's cool, he was definitely destined to go soon. And the chicks will be next. Then Eli. Then Michael I. I have decreed it.

15 October 2009


Freak of the Week: Dude in Seattle sees his co-workers with demon heads and proceeds to beat his boss to death. And his eyes are moving back and forth quickly, like REM sleep but he's awake.

When the team comes to the hospital to question the guy, he says that he felt like he was dreaming. Then he suddenly freaks out, his hair turns gray, and he flatlines. Oops.

Before they went to Seattle, Walter and Peter move in to their house together. But Walter doesn't set himself up in his bedroom - he makes his bed on the foldout couch. Closer to the kitchen, don't you know. And he promises to always wear his shorts to bed in case Peter brings a lady home. ILU, Walter.

Poor Walter doesn't like being in Seattle because he says it smells like the mental hospital. He's so cute when he's asking Peter if he can take the body back to Boston. Peter sends an agent with him, giving him instructions like a parent would give a babysitter.

Walter finds a computer chip in the dude's brain, and a woman is also found dead and with white hair after saying she saw monsters. They had both been the subject of an experimental cure for sleep disturbances. And it turns out the doctor was a wacko and using the chips to steal dreams -- basically getting high off them. And every time he gets high it means one of his patients sees cool, scary things and kills somebody. The team figures out it's him and then the doctor OD's on dreams.

My poor, poor Livvy is having a hard time dealing with the loss of Charlie. She shares with Peter the first time she met Charlie and awwwww. There was also an ADORABLE moment where Olivia and Peter are both wearing their college shirts in the hotel. Oh my god I love this show so much. I forgive it for killing Charlie.

This Week's Code: BETRAY.

Fox is betraying me, by taking this off the air for a few weeks for baseball. This was a GREAT episode.

14 October 2009


This week the Dollhouse is working on the nephew of a major client/investor (Colonel Tigh, what's up?). The nephew was hit by a car and is in a coma, but he's also a creepy serial killer. In order to figure out the location of the missing women he's holding, Topher transfers his consciousness into Victor. Cool - the guy who plays Victor gets all the juicy roles, all on one show.

Paul questions him, and it's very cool, but he doesn't reveal where the women are. Uncle Colonel Tigh figures he can do one better, and springs Killer!Victor. But then the dude beats his uncle up and escapes. So now Victor's on the loose with a serial killer's mind.

Meanwhile, Echo's assignment seemed quite standard and dull. An old, fugly college professor wants a student to bang. But when Topher tries a remote windwipe thing on Victor, it ends up instead transferring the serial killer's mind into Echo. She stabs the college professor in the neck. Oh snap! I don't know if this story makes any kind of logical sense, but it's pretty damn cool.

So now Victor is at a dance club (where he was stalking a victim), but he has Echo's fun-loving college student/slut personality. It's hysterical and fabulous! I told you that guy gets all the good roles.

Killer!Boy!Echo shows up to the killer's Basement of Victims. Paul tracks her down through her GPS and all is well. (Victor's GPS had been disabled -- in furtherance of the plot.)

This episode was fun. Again, don't know if it made sense, but it was hammy and fun.

13 October 2009

Heroes: God Intervenes

So here's what happened this week. I was watching the show tape-delayed on Monday night so I wouldn't have to sit through commercials. But after the first break, my DVR goes on the fritz. Now if this had been a year or 2 ago, I would have cried and freaked out. But, seeing as how this show isn't what it used to be, I just went, "Oopsie. Good thing there's Hulu." Mike prefers to blame "user error" (me being the user), but I think it was Divine Intervention. God was trying to smack me out of watching this show. Well, I'm defying him, sorry. I'm pot-committed. Mike watches Smallville after 8 years, I'll watch this show (if it lasts) 8 years. I might not like it, but I'll enjoy making fun of it!

Fun story. Anyway, on to the show.

So Emma, our deaf girl, was going to be a doctor, but now she's a file clerk because some guy named Christopher died. She's still seeing sounds as colors, which is possibly the most pointless power ever. And when Peter saves her from being hit by a bus, now he can join in the pointless fun.

Peter fills her in on how there are people with powers and they're awesome. Yeah, but hers sucks, Peter. They make cute with each other zzzzz.... I lost minutes of my life while they played the piano and made colors appear. It was retarded. OK, but then at the end when Emma is playing a cello again, the sound/color things bust a hole in the wall. So now her power does something, at least. I guess.

Gretchen is freaking Claire out with stalkery behavior, only it's not stalkery. Well, it kind of is. Gretchen has a crush on Claire. Which leads to our ratings-stunt, purposeless kiss. Well, maybe it won't be purposeless. Maybe Claire will come out as a lesbian, like Willow on Buffy. But this is Heroes, so I doubt it.

Zombie!Nathan rises from the grave and looks like Sylar. Sylar with a weird emo/Flock of Seagulls haircut. Seriously, what the hell was with the long bang in the front? He's picked up by the Baltimore P.D. (I was hoping for a crossover with The Wire at this point) and they bring in a psychologist to try to figure out if he's insane. He doesn't know who he is, he's bloody and dirty... yeah, sounds insane to me. Aaaand Sylar has amnesia for the 50th time on this show. He's more fun when he's crazy and murderous and knows what he's doing.

Blah blah Sylar's crazy blah blah Sylar doesn't know who he is blah blah he escapes.

In the end, we find out Samuel has planted an Invisible Girl in Claire's life to try to isolate her. Hiro shows up in Peter's apartment. And Sylar ends up at the Carnival (which disappears when the police show up).

At least Ernie Hudson was in it. Ernie Hudson is cool.

12 October 2009

The Ruins

It's the Booby Popping Episode. LOL. Shauvon does a bellyflop - or a boob-flop - into the water. And OMG SHE MIGHT HAVE POPPED AN IMPLANT YOU GUYZZZZ!

However it is that they decide these things (volunteering?), Wes goes up against Nick. A massive fight breaks out over who should go in against Evelyn. The customary way to do this is for Evelyn to pick who she goes up against. But the team wants to choose Kellyanne to piss off Wes. But Kellyanne is Evelyn's BFF so she pitches a fit and has never felt so betrayed IN. HER. LIFE. Wes and Evelyn go around screaming and kicking things and I just don't get it. Wes keeps getting in Johnny's face - charging him and basically doing everything short of punching him. And they're just pissed because Evelyn and Kellyanne have to go up against each other? Why is that so out of the realm of possibility? I don't get it. I'm too old for this S.

All I can think is, What's wrong with Tits' titties? Well, Shauvon's got some muscle and nerve damage and needs to go on bedrest or something. Bye-bye, Shauvon. Please pack your boobs and go.

Bye-bye: Nick and Evelyn. She decided to quit rather than help her team win. How noble. And OF COURSE T.J. lectures her about how quitting is for losers.

11 October 2009

Project Runway: The Obligatory Wedding Challenge

Challenge: Re-design divorced women's wedding dresses into fun little outfits. In a day. So now we get non-model models and fabric being forced upon designers. Fun.

Poor Shirin picks last, so she gets the simplest dress - it's all white polyester that she can't dye, and only about 2 yards of fabric. She also gets the wackiest, most annoying client, who wants a Cher-style outfit with a headdress. Jesus. But after a quick breakdown, she comes up with the idea of using thread to add a pattern to the fabric. Nice.

Liked: Shirin, Carol Hannah, and Gordana were the only ones that I thought were really good. Irina's was probably good, but the horrid old-lady-style modeling distracted me.

Booooo: Lots of people crapped the bed. Christopher's trash bag (Michael Kors called it a Hefty bag - we're braintwins). Logan's horrid pants and horrid top. Epperson's hot cinched mess (Heidi called it Octoberfest LOL!).

Winner: Gordana. Yay! I liked hers the best, for sure.

Bye-bye: Epperson. Smell ya later, you should have been out a while ago anyway.

08 October 2009


A lot happened in this episode. A lot.

We begin with frozen heads. Of course we do. This is Fringe. My man Curtis from 24 shows up and hijacks a cryogenics company's truck full of heads. His buddy is shot to death and bleeds mercury.

Evil!Curtis is another other-universe shapeshifting soldier, working with Evil!Charlie, and they're hunting for someone's head. Evil!Charlie isn't feeling so good because I guess the bodies have a bit of an expiration date if they don't get enough mercury. His face basically starts to melt. He cracks open a ton of thermometers, drinks the mercury, and it holds him together for a little while.

Walter feeds Olivia some kind of worm smoothie that he says will help her get her other-universe memories back. She gets flashes of William Bell and the Twin Towers as the episode goes on, finally passing out and recalling an entire conversation they had about other-universe machine/human hybrid shapeshifters, known as the First Wave. Bell says the soldiers are looking for someone who can permanently open the door between the universes, and shows her a symbol that will be on their leader.

Walter figures out that the woman they had thought was the shapeshifter wasn't, and therefore the shapeshifter is still out there. You think they'd recall that Charlie was the last person to fight with it. Walter tracks down a chick he experimented on back in the day, a chick who could identify the other-universe shapeshifters. Time to do the brown acid!!!!

Meanwhile, Massive Dynamic is working on the shapeshifter's device - and they can extract the image of the last person it copied. Guess who it looks like? Olivia's with Charlie when she sees that it's him, and Charlie beats the living hell out of her. She fights back though, and eventually shoots him repeatedly. R.I.P. Evil!Charlie. Damn. Poor Olivia, having to kill her BFF.

In the end, Evil!Curtis finds the head he was looking for - their leader. It starts to reattach itself to a body with its mercury/blood stuff. Ladies and gentlemen, we have another other-universe shapeshifting soldier. The big poppa.

This Week's Code: MEMORY. All alone in the moonlight....

Top Chef

Quickfire Challenge: It was cool - they had to make a dish based on 3 keywords randomly generated by a slot machine. I learned a new word - umami - it's the fifth taste. Weird. Kevin wins for the 100th time, because he is awesome. He needs to win this whole thing.

Elimination Challenge: Working in pairs to make dishes for a dinner party of chefs. They're assigned ingredients and have to cook in their house - all of them at the same time, of course. There are woks on chairs boiling water. I'm surprised, and thankful, no one cooked in the bathroom.

Jennifer and Kevin are paired up and that's a freaking superstar pairing right there. Their beef looked amazing, and apparently was. They won, with Jennifer taking first place because she made the sauce.

Ashley and Eli got slammed for their undercooked prawns and salty gnocchi. They've both overstayed their welcome, in my opinion. Bye-bye: Ashley. It probably should have been Eli because he really sucks and he salted the gnocchi, but she would have been gone soon anyway.

06 October 2009

The Ruins: Because I Love Real World/Road Rules Challenges

I FINALLY got around to watching The Ruins. It's been too long, crazy people. Too long.

There are roughly 86 cast members. We get old people back like Syrus, Veronica and Tonya. And then the usuals like Evan, Adam, Diem, Brad, Kenny, Johanna, Wes, Katie, Evelyn, Susie, and Roided-out Derrick.

It's Challengers v. Champions (people who have never won v. people who have). Other than that, I didn't pay attention to the rules. Something about everyone having individual bank accounts this year, blah blah. And this takes place in Thailand? Lord help us, it's the land of free drugs and sex.

How does Wes consistently score pieces of ass like Johanna and Kellyanne? I hate Wes. Danny and Melinda got married. Katie's engaged. Derrick has a newborn son. Tonya's sloppy drunk and puking. Pretty. She's apparently more unstable than ever - separated from her husband, looking a mess. How is she not dead yet, honestly? She has lasted longer than most crazies.

Wes is doing some thing where he sabotages his team on purpose because... they all hate him? I'm pretty sure they're still gonna hate you, buddy.

So after they use whatever mathematical equation they use to determine competitors, it's Tonya v. Diem and Wes v. Chet.

Bye-bye: Chet. Thank god for small miracles.

Bye-bye: Diem. Good cuz she annoys me. And Tonya is more likely to stab someone.

And finally, I'm sorry, but did I see a preview where Shauvon's breast implant may have exploded? Epic.

05 October 2009


Hiro, who you may remember has decided to go ahead and change things in the past (after changing his mind on that 100 times), sets out to change the most pointless, retarded thing ever - he stops a co-worker from photocopying his butt and therefore getting fired and therefore being suicidal. This is not a lie. Just when I thought the Hiro plotline couldn't get worse, THIS IS THE LAMEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!! Meanwhile, the dude photocopies his butt at a different time, and still kills himself. Once again, Hiro discovers you can't change the future. For the 500th time. But it doesn't stop him from trying again. And again. And again. FORTY-SEVEN TIMES! I thought time travel was killing Hiro. Then why is he doing this?

Angela brings Nathan a bunch of crap to remind him of his childhood. It's a backfire when he remembers a previously-Haitian'ed memory - witnessing the death of his girlfriend in a pool. Nathan's also developing new powers every day.

Governor Bruce Boxleitner is back, and that makes me happy. Not that he has much to contribute, but he reminds me of MY childhood. The only thing that happens with him is Tracy takes a job with him, and then promptly quits it. Meh.

In amazing, astounding, exciting plot twist news, Claire and Bennet eat cereal and talk about stuff. And he starts getting back into the hero hunting business.

Finally, Nathan is kidnapped, "murdered" at the order of his dead girlfriend's mother, and buried. But of course, Nathan can't die, can he? And when he busts through the grave, he looks like Sylar.

Saturday Night Live: Digital Shorts Are Back

I'm a sucker for a good musical digital short. All of the good ones (Chronicles of Narnia, I'm on a Boat, Jizz in My Pants) are music videos. I have this song stuck in my head and I love it.

I threw it on the ground!

03 October 2009


Echo is assigned to be a mommy. A breastfeeding mommy. Ew. Topher programmed her to lactate. I'm finally creeped out by this show.

She is suspicious of her husband and goes snooping around, finding pictures of the real baby mama, who has died. When the husband has a change of heart and wants to end the assignment, and Paul comes to collect Echo, she turns into Super Protective Mommy. She flees the house with the baby and freaks out when she's finally separated from the little life ruiner. They can't get her to willingly come in for a treatment so she's sedated.

When Topher tries to wipe Echo, she still carries with her the maternal instinct, and punches him in the face. She escapes the Dollhouse, wiped clean yet following instinct, heading for the kid. I like that maternal instinct has a built-in GPS to locate the house. She grabs the baby - and a knife - threatening the dad. He's able to talk her down until the Dollhouse team arrives, all whilst in the midst of a nighttime lightning storm... for the atmosphere, don't you know.

DeWitt goes to visit Mellie/November/Madeline, who you may recall was released from the Dollhouse in exchange for Paul's employment. She's still a fattie. And now she's a filthy rich fattie. Fattie returns to the Dollhouse for a diagnostic. She and Paul talk, and Paul is happy to see she's happy.

Finally, someone gives the Senator files on the Dollhouse. Don't know who, or what the files say, but he's definitely investigating Rossum Corporation now.

Project Runway

Challenge: Design with the color blue. No really, that's the extent of the challenge. But it's a team challenge - working in pairs - which is always troublesome. Winner gets to design a holiday dress for Macy's.

Is Shirin under 5 feet tall? I think she is, which makes her even more adorable. She'll fit in my pocket.


Loved: Irina and the German/Russian/whatever and Christopher and Epperson. Well, the first design of Christopher's anyway. The second kind of looked like the model had a napkin tucked under her chin.

Meanwhile, Christopher/Epperson are in the bottom - partially because of the lobster bib. The judges also thought the shirt dress was dated, but I thought it was classic and adorable. My taste sucks. Christopher cries buckets from the criticism. Nut up or shut up.

Hated: Louise/Nicholas. OMG the ruffles are horrific and on the one dress it looked like a long trail of hair. Michael Kors called it a shower loofah.

Winner: Irina. I find her a wee bit cocky, but then again she's talented and adorable, so I can't hate her.

Bye-bye: Louise. Thank god Christopher was still in. Of course he was going to cry either way. I'm kind of worried for his safety - he should be put on suicide watch.

How Do I Feel About Flash Forward?

We're 2 episodes in to Flash Forward and I still haven't made up my mind. The first episode was cool. I like the set-up -- the whole world goes unconscious at the same time and gets a glimpse of their futures 6 months from now. But it's a bit heavy-handed with the flashforwards. Right, I get it, I remember the vision, you don't need to show the same damn thing 2-3 times per episode. Also, they sure came to terms with the whole situation (and figured out what happened) really quickly and easily. That was way too convenient for me. And the FBI is investigating it? Really?

The fastforwards involve things like marriages being broken up, suspected dead people who are really alive, and taking a dump. And then John Cho didn't have a vision, so we're assuming that means he's dead in the future.

Oh and the kid in it annoys the piss out of me, and she's named "Charlie." I always thought Charlie was an adorable name for a girl (hell, I nicknamed my own niece that), but suddenly it's like THE name for girls.

Eh. I can't decide if it's living up to the cool premise. Which means I don't think it is. But I'll keep DVRing it for a bit.


It's the funniest zombie movie since Shaun of the Dead. It's the greatest movie about beating things to death since Inglourious Basterds. Whatever you call it, Zombieland is fun.

Essentially about the survival of the last 4 humans on an Earth overrun with zombies, the movie is gruesome and gory (you don't mind some good old-fashioned zombie intestine-eating, do you?). Luckily, it's also playful and funny and over the top. The kills are imaginative and fun. The lead kid in it is Michael Cera-esque and Woody Harrelson is just plain awesome. There's also a celebrity cameo that will make you scream with laughter (it can't be just me).

WATCH IT! (And see if you don't crave a Twinkie after.)

01 October 2009


Philadelphia Freak of the Week: Dude in a train station crystallizes and explodes, leaving lots of bodies. Some headless and others grotesquely mangled. Because this is Fringe. Also, the exploded dude's ear looks like a shrimp. I'm never eating shrimp again.

What connections doesn't Peter have? Computer guys, used bookstores, Iraq. He and Olivia take a quick trip to Baghdad because the exploded dude served in the military there and was part of some weird experimental medical program... and Peter has his omnipresent connections. The secret program was designed to provide immunity to a chemical weapon, but instead turned people into bombs.

A rogue Colonel is using the soldiers who survived, detonating them from nearby, apparently unbeknownst to them. One of these human bombs is on the loose in DC and the team tracks her down. Pacey tackles the Colonel after he starts the detonation process. He also proceeds to give him the major beatdown. The Colonel is a spooky nutjob, but he talks about "them" being here and making observations. "They" are studying us and plan to use our technology and culture against us. "They" are the Observer. And the Observer has pictures of Walter!!

In other news, Olivia starts getting flashes of her trip to the Other Universe. Mysterious Bowling Dude from Pineapple Express teaches her to tie her shoes. And Pacey and Walter find an apartment to move in to together. *happy*

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: I'm going to have to go with licking the powder off of a powdered donut.

This Week's Code: BURIAL.