29 September 2006

The Office

The Office was great last night! Having Toby interested in Pam is a stroke of comedic genius. His face literally turned red when he was stammering to her - how did the actor do that? Seeing Kelly and Ryan on a date was great too. It was just how I thought it'd be - she's feeding him french fries and laying on his shoulder while he looks uncomfortable. I love how even though Michael is psychotic I always end up feeling bad for him. It was a sad sight seeing him patrolling the hallway outside of his hotel room in his white, freshly dry-cleaned "fun jeans".

28 September 2006

America's Next Top Chef

The oven was installed so the kitchen is oh-so-close to being done. It should be done by mid-week. In the meantime, it is fully functional. So today I made chocolate chip cookies, stuffed peppers, and parmesan potato bites.

The chef is back in business, baby!!

Baby's First Trip to Florida

Owen is visiting. And he brought his parents along for the trip. So far his favorite things about Florida/Aunt Jen's house are:

1. Playing with plastic bags and trash cans and saying "trash".

2. Splashing his mother in the pool.

3. Spending time talking to his new best friend, Napoleon Dynamite.

He was really good for his first plane ride and he's such a good boy.

27 September 2006

Project Runway: Final Four

So the designers are told to design a piece that shows their point of view. Vague much? Uli starts out making the same dress she's made 100 times before, and yet somehow has a problem putting it together. Then she pulls off something new and wins. Laura makes the same low-cut crap she would wear, and to me it looked just like a couple she had done before with the beading. I would have kicked her out. Jeffrey actually steps outside of the rock and roll thing, which surprised me. I liked his. The judges didn't. And Michael gets some designer's block. And his model gets stolen by that Nazi. And his look is crapped on by everyone. Uli got in a good burn when she said the photo and the dress looked like something from a phone sex ad. And I gotta say, she wasn't wrong.

I had a feeling all four were going to the final. They had been hinting that it might not be a final three. At least that means Michael gets through - otherwise he may have been out. It's like a happy ending - and Tim was so happy he didn't have to send anyone home.

Reunion next week!! Always the greatest reunions on this show. Plenty of alcohol to get people going. PSYCHO KEITH is there too and looks psycho-er than ever!


Kind of literally. The picture says it all, but here's the story:

Brazilian javelin judge Lia Mara Lourenco is helped by colleagues and medics after a javelin, launched during warm-ups by a competitor, pierced her foot before the start of the competition in a national athletics championship. Lourenco was taken to the hospital and underwent surgery to remove the javelin tip.

26 September 2006

25 September 2006

Heroes: Hey, It's Not That Bad

I found the first good new show - Heroes. It was shockingly good. I think it re-airs tomorrow so check it out. It's part Smallville and lots of parts Lost. It's about people discovering superpowers, but without the Dawson's Creek crap of Smallville, and a million times better. And it has a multi-culti cast with characters that have intersecting lives, like Lost. They even have an Asian whose dialogue is in subtitles, an Arab dude, a drug addict, a doctor, a hot chick, and a young blonde. Jesus, it's a direct ripoff of Lost without the plane crash. Oh well, steal from the best. It's interesting discovering the characters' powers and how they all link together. The Japanese dude is a riot and the best part of the show. I give it two thumbs up!

Prison Break: Can You Dig It?

They caught up to Tweener so quickly!! He went running from the store and then all of the sudden I realized he was about to get caught! Po, po Tweener. Here’s hoping he doesn’t turn the gang in, although it looks like they aren’t getting their money anyway.

What’s up, Snowflake? The gang’s back together and digging through a cement floor once again. And they were wearing work clothes that looked a lot like prison blues. This episode was almost like last season! Love how Linc changes clothes – and still can’t find it in him to button his shirt. Was it written into his contract this year that his shirts have to be half-open and billowy? Scofield lost it again – T-Bag brings out the worst in him. There was all kinds of manly sweating and screaming this episode. Everybody’s so tense. Love it!

If there’s one thing T-Bag doesn’t like, it’s a cock tease. Haywire’s back too and crazy as always. If eating soft serve ice cream right off the tap is crazy, then I don’t want to be sane.

Of course I checked out the website Michael said they would use to communicate - EuropeanGoldFinch.net. The messages are about different locations, and one message has one of his tattoos in it. Prison Break is the new Lost!

C Word Alert II

Sound the alarm again! This time, it happened at work. I'm performing the oh-so-engaging task of looking up addresses for various stores to add them to a spreadsheet. One door - a store in Countryside Mall - is listed in our computer system as being located in "Cuntryside Mall." A) This is my new favorite mall. B) I laughed out loud. I have to think that someone entered it like that on purpose. I hope that person knows they brought a little joy to my mundane work day.

Happy Anniversary to Me & Mike

Today is our 8th anniversary. Jesus, time flies. We went to dinner last night and came to the conclusion that, after 8 years, mostly we're just amazed we aren't fatter than we are. This year I got a fridge and Mike got an oven. Who says romance is dead? Happy Anniversary Bean!

24 September 2006

Movie Quote Sunday in Space

Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and that's when the big bucks start rolling in.

Three Men and a Little Movie Quote Sunday

I'll be taking these Huggies and whatever cash you got.

Dawn of Movie Quote Sunday

I gotta tell you something. I'm really excited about it. Uh, for the first time, today, I woke up, I came to the store, and I - I feel confident to say to you that if you don't take this Michael McDonald DVD - that you've been playing for two years straight - off, I'm going to kill everyone in the store and put a bullet in my brain!

David, what do you suggest we play?

I don't care. Anything! I would rather - I would rather watch "Beautician And The Beast". I would rather listen to Fran Drescher for eight hours than have to listen to Michael McDonald. Nothing against him, but if I hear "Yah Mo Be There" one more time, I'm going to Yah Mo Burn This Place To The Ground.

Movie Quote Sunday Goes to School

We got no food, we got no jobs... our pets' HEADS ARE FALLING OFF!

Revenge of the Movie Quote Sunday

You'd make a fine little helper. What's your name?

Charles Da Mar.

Shut up, geek.

Movie Quote Sunday Strikes Back

I am merely sharing some quotes from some movies that I keep watching over and over.

No, she gets a special cologne... It's called Sex Panther by Odeon. It's illegal in nine countries.... It's made with bits of real panther, so you know it's good.

Brian, I'm gonna be honest with you, that smells like pure gasoline.

They've done studies, you know. 60% of the time, it works every time.

That doesn't make sense.

Movie Quote Sunday: The Sequel

You guys might have wanted to stay away from our special sauce tonight. Me and Pookie, we added a secret ingredient. I'll give you a hint. It's semen.

Movie Quote Sunday

You know what's a fun game? Take 3 Excedrin PM's and see if you can whack off before you fall asleep. You always win, that's the best part about the game.

23 September 2006

Poll: Arby's v Burger King

After a day of yard work and unpacking kitchen things, we went to Arby's. And it was just like the scene where Harold and Kumar finally get to White Castle. It also sparked debate. What's better: a Roast Beef and Curly Fries from Arby's or a Whopper and Onion Rings from Burger King? Discuss. And if there's some even more awesome combination I don't even know about, let me know.

C Word Alert

Let's lighten things up a bit with something everyone can appreciate - the C word! On television!

22 September 2006

Baby dies in mother's vomit

An East Harlem mother who police said left her 3-month-old daughter to die in a bucket of vomit has been charged in the child's death, police said.

The city medical examiner ruled yesterday that the baby had died of asphyxiation and drowning, police said.

The mother, Savarin DeJesus, 18, was arrested yesterday after she told police that she left the child alone and found her drowned when she returned. DeJesus was being held last night on charges of criminally negligent homicide and endangering the welfare of a child.

"A three-month-old just doesn't walk into a bucket," a police official said.

21 September 2006

No, Chavez, No!!!!!!!!

Actor Lou Diamond Phillips was charged with domestic battery late Thursday by the City Attorney of Los Angeles. The charge comes with a maximum of one year in jail and a $2000 dollar fine.

I Heart The Office

The Office starts back up tonight! Yay! I spent a lot of time Sunday with the Dunder Mifflin gang, watching Season 2 DVDs. There are so many deleted scenes - it's like watching twice the episodes. I love them all, but the episode that is near and dear to my heart is the one where someone craps in Michael's office. Because that actually happened where I used to work. Someone crapped in the office hallway and of course I had to be the one who found it. Those were the good old days. I miss working in a real office. There aren't enough people in my current one for there to be crazy people who take craps by the filing cabinets. You need at least 10 people for that to happen.

Anyway, tonight Michael outs Oscar? Let the hilarity begin! I heart Jim. Here's a great Jim and Dwight scene.

20 September 2006

Lorne Michaels Puts the S in SNL

After months of speculation, Lorne Michaels has confirmed the departure of several "Saturday Night Live" stalwarts -- including Horatio Sanz and Chris Parnell.

Returning to "SNL" next season will be Fred Armisen, Will Forte, Bill Hader, Darrell Hammond, Seth Meyers, Amy Poehler, Maya Rudolph, Andy Samberg, Jason Sudeikis, Kenan Thompson and Kristen Wiig.

Poehler will be back on the "Weekend Update" desk. There's no official word yet on who will co-anchor "Update" with her, but -- despite published speculation about another contender -- all signs now point to Meyers taking on the gig. An official announcement is expected as early as this week.

Dane Cook will host this year's season opener, with the Killers as musical guest.

Wow – this is great news all around. Dane Cook as the host? Very appropriate, since the last time he was funny -- 3-5 years ago -- was probably the last time SNL was funny too!
Great job getting rid of my favorite, the hilarious Chris Parnell, again. Last time Will Ferrell got him the job back. This time hopefully he can just work in his movies.
I didn’t even realize Darrell Hammond was still on the show. He’s the new Phil Hartman. Let’s hope his wife doesn’t shoot him in the middle of the night – he and Amy Poehler are all SNL has left!

Keep Watching Smallville!

Just when I thought the show couldn't get any worse..

Tori Spelling is coming to Smallville, where she'll play the gossip columnist at the Daily Planet. This being Smallville, she'll have a special power, the Wonder Twin-like ability to turn herself into water.

Source: EW.com

19 September 2006

Why, Spinach, Why??!!

For post #101 (can you believe you have read all this crap?) I will post about spinach.

I only came to love spinach in the last few months. And now it has been taken from me. See, this is why I don't get attached to things. They only leave you with bloody diarrhea in the end. And a bloody-diarrhea-and-feta-cheese egg white omelet just doesn't sound good.

I'm really craving spinach. F U spinach. Will I ever be able to enjoy you again?

Prison Break

Surprise: suburban development has come to Utah! DAGGER!!

Umm… any guesses why Mahone has a fascination with the birdbath in his backyard? I can’t even guess.

Yay to Prison Break for adding an Asian to the cast – and one who is a dead ringer for my husband. I mean really. The celebrity Mike most resembles = that guy.

Yay to Kellerman. Pretending to be a recovering addict wasn’t genius enough – now he’s pretending to be a GAY recovering addict. Oh how I love him. The quickest way to gain a woman’s trust is to pretend you’re gay. And bake her a pie.

Yay to reunions. T-Bag and Pretty. T-Bag and Tweener. Loved the look on Tweener’s face when he saw T-Bag. Dagger!!! And next week the whole gang’s back together and that makes me happy.

Also next week – looks like T-Bag will be the one to seduce the lady with the garage, not Michael. There’s no accounting for taste. T-Bag is a charming SOB.

I was squealing with delight as T-Bag ate the map. He’s also a cunning SOB. But did I hear correctly that he hid the map in his “coin purse”? So he ate the map that was hidden UP HIS ASS??

By the way, the tequila Tweener and his girl were drinking was called Tequila Diablo. This can only mean that the producers of Prison Break read this blog and empathized with my experience with El Diablo. I know who else empathizes with me – Mike. Mike met up with El Diablo (or was it La Diabla?) at the wedding this weekend and now regrets it. Do the steps, man!

17 September 2006

My So-Called Life

Mike is in New York this weekend (with Houman) for a friend's wedding. Which means I'm on my own. When left to my own devices, the results ain't pretty. I mean, I live in total squalor. Houman might live better than me. Let's recap:

The look: Just took a shower (at 10:40), didn't wash my hair, wearing tee shirt and sweatpants.

The food: This picture says it all. Bet you can't guess which one's breakfast, which one's lunch, and which one's dinner. But, hey, you guys have fun going to frickin' Ruby Foo's in NYC. I'm not bitter.

The activity (or lack thereof): I'm doing laundry so there are piles of it all over the living room. I've been glued to a Making the Band marathon on MTV. Hey, there's going to be another Real World/Road Rules Challenge in October. Oh thank god I was beginning to wonder what I was going to do with that extra half hour of my life. And it looks like there are some Fresh Meat people on it too.

But my kitchen is looking decent! I was home sick in bed all day Thursday, but I couldn't sleep because of all the noise. That's OK, they got the cabinets up in one day and it's amazing. When I finally came out of my bedroom I was just like, "ohmigod, ohmigod" cuz it looks pretty good.

There aren't even any good football games on during the day today here. Thanks, Dolphins. Well, back to TV to find out if Shannon can get her passion back!

14 September 2006

Project Runway: The Devil's Rejects

OK, I know I wasn't supposed to stay up and watch Project Runway last night. I know I was supposed to go to bed early. Unfortunately, I watched the first couple minutes and then HAD to stay up. THEY BROUGHT BACK ANGELA AND VINCENT!! I couldn't rest until I was sure neither of these people were in the final four!!!

I was scared about Vincent making it because of the rumor that his model - who was hit by a bus - had been in the final 3. After last week I was relieved that wasn't happening. But now that he was back it was possible again. And then if Angela made it I was really going to be sick. So I watched the show.

Besides the fact that these 2 suck, I think it was a dumb idea bringing back rejects who had won challenges. What if the wins were spread all around and all the rejects had won? Would everyone come back? Look, you're out, you're out. They didn't bring back cheater Keith.

Thank God the horridness of Vincent and Angela really came out last night. I mean, WTF were they thinking? Vincent's looked like something Lindsay Lohan would wear to show off her va-jay-jay. Angela's was a vampiric nightmare.

I didn't like Laura's a lot. I loved Michael's. That boy should win. I will miss Kayne because I really liked him. I thought Jeffrey's was the worst because it looked like a tee shirt over some horrid leggings. I mean those leggings were horrible!! And it was supposed to be a cocktail dress? At least Kayne actually made a dress. But I justify Kayne leaving by saying that he's really successful already doing whatever he does with pageant dresses. So he'll be OK. Michael needs this win!!!

I've already downloaded Tim's podcast to listen to while I'm in bed today. Yesterday I listened to a few. He really dislikes Vincent so it'll be interesting to see what he says about him coming back.

Back to hibernation!

13 September 2006


I'm going into hibernation mode for a little while. I'm sick! I came down with a cold yesterday, I don't know why. Must be because all the alcohol in my body has been replaced by blood and I'm rejecting it. It kind of coincides with my I-get-a-cold-when-the-seasons-change pattern. Every 3 months! Still, it sucks to have a cold in sunny Florida.

I'll continue to fight it with Jamba Juice. Til then let me just welcome Meredith Vieira to the Today Show. I watched this morning and I really like her. Plus they put the show in HD now. Welcome back to my heart, Today Show. Now just get rid of Ann Curry.

So I'll probably have to DVR Dateline: Internet Predators and Project Runway tonight. I can't wait to see Chris Hansen bust some more hurtings with their condoms and vodka!!

24 Press Release *Spoilers*

Thanks to JP for the tip:

"Season five concluded with a battered and bloodied Bauer captured by Chinese government agents and headed for points unknown. Season six picks up 20 months later. Wayne Palmer (DB Woodside), the strong-minded brother of the late President David Palmer, is now himself the President of the United States, while his sister, Sandra Palmer (Regina King), is a determined and powerful advocacy lawyer. After a series of horrific terrorist attacks, Palmer and his team of advisors, Karen Hayes (Jayne Atkinson) and Thomas Lennox (Peter MacNicol) - as well as CTU colleagues Chloe O'Brian (Mary Lynn Rajskub), Curtis Manning (Roger Cross) and Bill Buchanan (James Morrison) - begin an unthinkable, nail-biting day."

I've always wanted to see a day where it was about the aftermath of attacks and not just preventing them. Maybe this is it - "After a series of horrific terrorist attacks"???

Also, James Cromwell will be playing Jack Bauer's father. That'll do pig, but I was really hoping for Donald Sutherland.

12 September 2006

24 Cast News You Can Use

Thanks to the eagle-eye of KP, I will be seeing The Departed. This, in spite of the presence of one Leonardo DiCaprio, is due to the presence of one Mr. Chase Edmunds. Before T-Bag, Chase Edmunds was the hottest one-handed guy on TV. Can't wait for this movie!

11 September 2006

Prison Break: Can't Trust a Stripper

Michael Scofield should know when you Blue Steel a chick long enough she’ll start to catch feelings. Good thing Lincoln found someone he's smarter than.

This episode had me laughing out loud half the time:

1) Kellerman wiping his eyes during a therapy session in church and then talking about pie with Sara. Speaking of which, I’m joining NA just to get me some free pie!!

2) T-Bag’s look to the sky like, “Today is my lucky day” when he got in the car with the 14-year-old girl in it.

3) References to dropping a deuce and watching girls pee.

4) Bellick just being himself.

5) The preview with Michael saying to T-Bag “What the hell’d you do to your ha-and” and calling him “Pretty” in his best T-Bag impression. OHMYGOD that is the funniest thing I’ve ever seen. Can’t wait to watch it next week!

At least T-Bag doesn’t have feeling in his hand. I have a feeling it will fall off by the end of the season. But oh how I love me some T-Bag. But I might love Kellerman more.

RIP Abruzzi. I didn’t figure out the feds were going after him until he pulled up to the motel. I am sad. I loved me some John “V-Dub” Abruzzi.

Who thought Tweener would be the first to get laid? My money was on Linc bagging a new woman in every city.

09 September 2006

Hey - Wha' Happened?

I came home Thursday to discover that someone had broken in and stolen my entire kitchen! It's really weird to have no kitchen. They demolished it in 1/2 a day! And it really turned out well - of course I had all sorts of worries, like finding toxic mold or a million lizards or cockroaches running out from behind the walls. But no such problems!

They removed the pantry closet and the wall on the left of it. So you can see the original yellow paint that was inside the closet.

The cabinets are in our garage. They are being installed next week. The best case scenario is that it's done by September 23 and the worst case is September 30. I have guests coming on the 27th so let's hope it's the 23rd!!!

08 September 2006

When Roaches Attack Weathermen

I don't know what's better: 1) that this guy came out of the closet in the time it took to do a weather report, 2) his wig, or 3) that I was so sure he was white when I heard this on the radio.

I Heart Tim Gunn

I’ve started listening to Tim Gunn’s podcasts. I had heard about them last season but for some stupid reason never checked them out. This morning while getting ready for work I listened to the one for this week. They’re great! I love Tim Gunn because he seems like the kind of professor I’d want to have in school. Plus he can be gossipy. His podcast for this week included a little lecture on what couture is. And then he gave behind the scenes dish. Here’s the funny story for this week:

Vincent is either a strict vegetarian or a strict vegan (Tim couldn’t remember which). So when they went to France they called a restaurant ahead of time to let them know about his special dietary needs, and the restaurant made something for him. But when they got there Vincent said he didn’t want it; he wanted to order off the menu. Tim said, “What are you going to be able to order?” To which Vincent replied, “Lamb.” Tim was shocked because Vincent had said that his diet was like a religion to him. Vincent’s response was, “When in Rome.”

Which is my #2 favorite quote of all time!!!! (Second only to “It is what it is.”)

Also, Tim said that at the fabric store he was looking through the fabrics and picked one up and said to the producer, “Ick – who would pick this horrid fabric?” And it was the one Vincent had chosen.

07 September 2006

Drunk Whores Who Aren't Me in the News

Paris Hilton was arrested and charged with driving under the influence early Thursday after driving erratically and failing a field sobriety test, police said. Shortly after midnight, officers assigned to a driving-under-the-influence task force spotted Hilton driving erratically in Hollywood and pulled her over. Hilton, 25, was asked to perform a field sobriety test, which she failed, and was arrested and charged with DUI, a misdemeanor.

Hilton's spokesman, Elliot Mintz, confirmed the arrest and said police detected the minimum blood-alcohol level to warrant an arrest, the Associated Press reported. The legal limit in California is 0.08 percent.

At the time of her arrest, Hilton was driving home from a charity event where she had one drink, Mintz told AP.

One really, really big drink.

06 September 2006

Project Runway Gets Me Off

Tonight on Project Runway, I learned that “Reine” is French for “Mood.” And that Vincent is even crazier than I thought. Once again we were treated to things that “got him off.” Joy. And then him yelling at Jeffrey for shaving while he was trying to sleep was really priceless. I feel like we saw the real Vincent – the one who could stab someone at the drop of a hat. Jeffrey’s lucky he didn’t get thrown from the balcony. And if Catharine Malandrino’s head isn’t found in Vincent’s freezer one day I’ll be shocked. He was creepy with her! No wonder she wrote "no no no no no" on her comment card.

The dresses tonight were kind of a debacle. I thought Laura’s was hideous with that horrible puffy collar and long sleeves!!! She has some nerve trashing Kayne’s when it was 100 times prettier than hers. Vincent’s was all crazy-glued (get it?) together. It did look like a sofa. And why does his model always look like she just came in from the rain – even after having her hair professionally done?? I had zero problem with him finally getting the boot. I thought Kayne’s looked great compared to theirs. I didn’t like Jeffrey’s because I don’t think gowns should be made out of yellow plaid as a general rule.

The designers seemed really catty tonight, no? Lots of trash talking going on about everyone else’s designs.

I like that they took the show on the road. Maybe it’ll become like The Real World where every season they go to a new place. Maybe not.

Sean Preston is El Diablo

Just wanted to make sure you saw this funny post on The Superficial:


Sean P officially scares me more than his father!

Real World/Road Rules Challenge

I finally watched the last episode. Gotta love a finale that isn't twice its normal running time. Thanks for keeping it short and sweet.

Gee - no surprise the team with 2 physically fit people won. I was rooting for Tina and Kenny though because they were my favorite dysfunctional team. Note to producers: Please don't allow Wes on any more challenges. However, since I said that, that's exactly why he WILL be on future challenges. So he can yell at all the women. At least I don't have to hear him call Casey stupid for a while. I hate Wes!

I liked the Fresh Meat challenge. It was good to get in some new faces and watch the old people boss around the new people. And then we got new hook-ups too. And for once it was a lot of money too -- $250,000. Usually it's a $50,000 prize that you have to split with 5 other teammates.

Well done, MTV, well done. I'll be there for the next one which I'm sure will start next month. Like they have anything better to do.

Leftover News from the Weekend

I wasn't the only one who had a rough time. Houman wasn't lookin' too sharp Sunday morning either.


The only island I'd let this cast on is Alcatraz

Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (aka Adabisi) of the hit TV series "Lost" was arrested on a traffic violation in Waikiki this weekend, police said.

The 39-year-old actor, who plays Mr. Eko on the ABC drama, was arrested early Saturday for disobeying a police officer and driving without a license. He posted $500 bail and was released after spending a little more than six hours in jail, police said.

Also six other cast members have been cited for traffic violations, but not arrested.......Josh Holloway, Dominic Monaghan, Naveen Andrews, Ian Somerhalder, Christian Bowman and Harold Perrineau.

Snaggletooth Sorbet

To cleanse the cute baby palette. I know someone who used to think she was hot! And still might.

Sign of the Apocalypse

Suri Cruise is actually adorable!!! I hate to admit it. Holy crap she's cute!
She looks like a half-Asian Baby Tom Cruise.

04 September 2006

Prison Break

I like how things are coming together now. I think it’s all easier to take without being distracted by the lunacy of T-Bag. Although he’s back next week and you’ve got to love how they put him in the car with a young girl. Trouble’s brewing! Oh my god, that was such an unintentional pun. But a good one!

Good to see Paul Kellerman again – I missed him! Love how he’s infiltrating NA to get at Sara. And I like how now it’s just Bellick and Geary after Michael and Lincoln.

I thought that Governor Tancredi would end up being made VP. Why shouldn’t the fake VP be as much of a douchebag as the real one?

I was scared Sucre would be toast – I’m so glad he’s not. But he has a long motorcycle ride ahead of him. Love how they send the black female FBI agent to do some “girlfriend” talk with C-Note’s wife. I really hope she doesn’t turn him in – I’m looking forward to a touching reunion.

This show is the greatest!

My Steps aka Alcohol is El Diablo (The Devil)

I survived a horrific night, I counted my blessings, and now I’m entering rehab. My own rehab. I’ve decided not to drink alcohol anymore. Sure, you always say that after a night of heavy drinking. But I think I mean it this time. When I had the near-death experience kayaking I swore off kayaking and haven’t done it since. When I encountered a bear camping I swore off camping and haven’t done it since. With this, the furthest I’ll go is a glass of wine at dinner or a wine tasting. What’s wrong with exercising a little self control? Drinking usually turns out bad for me. So I’m creating my own version of the 12 Steps – with half the work.

Step 1: It is what it is. I did what I did and I can’t change it. But I can make changes to prevent it from happening again.
Step 2: You have to hit rock bottom to see the top. Self-explanatory and so profound.
Step 3: Don’t outsource the blame that belongs in your own backyard. Sure, I could blame Houman for buying me the cigar or Mike for picking the Chinese restaurant, but ultimately the night came down to me and my relationship with El Diablo.
Step 4: Don’t rely on others for control. I could say that I’ll limit myself to one drink, and ask Mike to make sure I don’t drink any more than that. But that wouldn’t work because I’d just cuss him out and do it anyway. It doesn’t end with just one drink for me.
Step 5: Alcohol is El Diablo. Every night of drinking ends badly and lasts into the next day. I’d rather wake up refreshed, non-toxic, and able to eat solid food.
Step 6: Walk a mile in my shoes. Right, that one doesn’t make sense, but it came to me as a Step and it must be written down.

So I’ll definitely blog the next drink I have. Which will be never. Clean living for me! Maybe I should just become a Mormon. They get to wear magic underwear.

Holy Crikey!

Thanks to KP for the tip. How ironic that this was supposed to be the "softer" feature.

'Crocodile Hunter' Steve Irwin killed by stingray

Steve Irwin, the TV host known as the "Crocodile Hunter," has died after being stung by a stingray off Australia's north coast. Irwin, 44 was killed by a stingray barb that went through his chest, according to police sources. Irwin was filming an underwater documentary at the time.
Irwin decided to do some softer features for a new children's TV show he was doing with his daughter, Bindi.

03 September 2006

Peaches & Herb

Reunited and it feels - no, felt - so good. Houman came to visit Friday. Which means we spent the day doing real tourist stuff - eating, sitting on the couch, and talking crap about celebrities, TV, and random people all while watching the Emmys Fashion Police, then falling asleep by 11. Just like the good old days!

Then Saturday, aka the day that changed my life, arrived. It started innocently enough. We went to Miami – South Beach and the Lincoln Road area. I like those places best during the day when they are quieter and emptier. We ate at a great Cuban restaurant – excellent Cafe Con Leche. Like fresh-faced children, we passed the time in the car playing Tit For Tat with subjects like Brad Pitt Movies, Christian Bale Movies, Cities in Maryland, Cities in Europe, Rappers, and Brands of Laundry Detergent.

The bad part of the day began in the evening – when the excessive and unfortunate combination of Chinese food, vodka, Red Bull, chocolate, and cigars resulted in me vomiting all over our patio. And into a bucket. And off (and down) the side of my bed. Anyway, any of those items can be bad enough alone. But together and in gluttonous quantities they can be lethal. I at least had the presence of mind to 1) lay on my side so as not to choke on my own vomit and 2) crack jokes about it the whole time. This morning my bathroom looked like the bathroom from either Trainspotting or Saw – take your pick.

It was the most miserable night of my life. Gluttony isn’t one of the Seven Deadly Sins for nothing. I haven’t thrown up from alcohol in 10 years. I’m 30 so I’ve decided now is the time to stop. More on that later. I still need more sleep.