29 December 2012

Les Misérables

Full disclosure: I'm a Les Misérables geek.  I don't see a lot of musicals, but I've seen it live twice.  Basically, the movie had to not-severely-eff-up and I'd like it.  Luckily, it was really well done.  Warning - the movie is (and feels) long as hell.  But at least nothing was cut out.

Now, the way it was filmed - with the live singing - was actually interesting and I loved it.  I didn't really realize until the end that there weren't any of your typical big musical-movie numbers.  The performances weren't big and grand, there wasn't singing and dancing -- they were much more intimate.  The way it's staged is more like you're there with the actors, not watching them.  It was cool to see the movie that way.  But I think it means the soundtrack itself wouldn't be any good to listen to.  The music didn't stand out to me, it was more about watching the performances in addition to listening to them.  For just listening, I'll stick with a stage cast recording. 

The performances were great.  However, the movie doesn't get better than Anne Hathaway singing "I Dreamed a Dream."  It totally lives up to the hype and is this amazing uninterrupted take (or at least it seemed that way) and is absolutely the pinnacle of the movie.  Not that the rest is bad, it's just not that good.  Everyone keeps slamming Russell Crowe, but I thought he was really good!  He fit this particular style of filmed musical, which is quieter and more "real" and less over-the-top.  Hugh Jackman has the bigger, booming voice.

It was just what I wanted in a movie adaption of Les Misérables.  By the end, the tears were streaming down into my cleavage.  Now that's a movie.

27 December 2012


Our team can't get Observer Baby to talk.  They bring him to Nina, who takes everyone to a convenient secret lab where the Resistance has been experimenting on Observers.  They've got a device that can basically read Observers' minds, but it doesn't work with the kid so they decide to try linking one of their mind's with the kid's.   

In the midst of tracking down all these secret labs and tech, the Observers find out Nina is working with our team, and locate her in the lab.  Soon it's R.I.P. Nina, who kills herself rather than have her brain probed by these assholes.  Luckily, she had stashed away Observer Baby so the team finds him after the Observers vacate the premises. 

The team takes the tech and Observer Baby back to the amber lab and hook up OB and Walter's brains.  Walter asks OB why he's important and he gets answered in a bunch of memory flashes, culminating in the revelation that September is Donald.  Man, I can't even remember what happened to September.  Didn't he die?  This show was complicated enough without rebooting this year.  Oy.

This Week's Code: SENSE

25 December 2012

The Best Movies Are Out Now

I don't blog anymore.  That much is obvious.  To wit, I've seen a bunch of movies since September, and haven't said a thing about them.  And now I have to try to remember what they were, but I can't think of anything other than Lincoln.

So Lincoln was good.  It was great actually, especially for what could be a boring historical drama.  I actually think Sally Field is way over the top and annoying, but I loved Daniel Day-Lewis.  No shocker there, he's always good.  But I just wanted to hug Lincoln by the time it was over.  He seemed like a really cool guy, all chill and casual while also doing historically-important things.  We could be besties.

I was in New York this past weekend, and seized the opportunity to see Zero Dark Thirty.  It doesn't come out nationwide til January 11th and I was way too excited to have to wait that long.  It was amazing.  Like, A. May. Zing.  I love how it felt like you followed the whole story -- from interrogations to investigation to the raid on bid Laden's compound.  It was wonderful.  Kathryn Bigelow is such a great director - she excels at this war stuff so much, just making it feel real and tense and exciting.  Loved loved loved it.  Might be my Movie of the Year.  Also... god, I love Jessica Chastain.

 Finally, Santa brought me just what I wanted this year -- a new Quentin Tarantino movie, Django Unchained.  I am the World's Biggest QT Fangirl, so of course I'm going to love whatever he does.  Even if it stars Jamie Foxx and Leonardo DiCaprio....

It was a quintessential Tarantino movie, naturally.  Just this time set in the slave-era South.  I love Christoph Waltz and he was wonderful in it.  I could listen to him speak all day.  I loved the first part of the movie best, with him teaming up with Django.  The dialogue was great, the music was great, the violence was over the top - everything you'd expect.  I feel like I might love Inglourious Basterds more, but who knows - it's early.  I've only seen Django once.  But I think my disdain for Foxx may keep me from full-on loving this as much.  He kind of plays Jamie Foxx all the time.... Then again, one could argue Christoph Waltz is the same all the time too.  Difference: Waltz is awesome.  Anyway, loved Django Unchained as much as I figured I would, and eagerly await Tarantino's next one.  You know what he hasn't done and should do?  Sci-fi.

But I digress.  There are still lots of year-end movies to see, like Silver Linings Playbook and Les Miserables.  They will all be Oscar contenders -- it'll be a tight race! At least I'll be a fan of whatever wins.

16 December 2012


Damn you, DVR, for screwing up and not recording Fringe on Friday.  Thank you, internet, for offering me other options....

The radio from the Pocket Universe is picking up a signal.  And Walter dropped acid.  This might be a good episode.  Walter has visions of a Tinkerbell type of girl as well as the chick who was burned to death in his lab. The team uses Convenient Resistance Tech to determine the source of the signal --  a skeleton in the woods.

There's a bunch of skeletons in the woods, and one of them is Sam Weiss, the awesome bowling alley dude from back in the day.  In their hunt for the source of the signal, they come across a couple in a house with a Child Observer.  The same one from the Pocket Universe, and the one they all encountered in the other timeline. Donald left the kid with the couple 20 years ago.  All they know is that he's somehow important to defeating the Observers, and he hasn't aged or spoken since.  They turn the kid over to our team, because that's what Donald instructed.

Then we get Walter reliving the past, with him crossing over to get Peter, etc., etc.  He's becoming the Asshole Walter he never wanted to be again.

This Week's Code: GUILT.

07 December 2012


Observer Peter is in full effect, with his transparent Wall of Crazy.  Windmark's out to get him and finds the Wall, realizing it means Peter can "run futures."  Peter does a lot of anticipating-everyone's-next-move tricks to outsmart Windmark, and fights him with all that blinking-out-of-existence stuff.

Olivia gets ahold of the tech/needle-thing that Peter used from their Resistance pal whose name I can't remember or understand.  She tells Astrid and Walter what Peter has done and wants Walter to take that tech and try to figure out a way out.

Goddammit, more of the Great Hunt for the Video Tapes.  The next one tells them to retrieve an industrial magnet.  Olivia goes to do it so that Walter can check out the Observer tech.  Walter's tests on the tech confirm that the brain gets, like, super-smart, and has no more emotions.

Olivia finds the people with the magnet - they've been holding it for years, waiting for Walter's return. Now Olivia has to transport this giant magnet back -- she's not gonna get stopped?  The Observers don't check for random big trucks on the roads?  The Observers don't find her, but some random thugs on the road ambush her - and they figure out she's got a bounty on her head.  The thugs call it in to the Reward Wire, saying they'll only meet the Observers in a "Truth Church" - a place they can't be read, I guess?

Peter shows up in the lab after his fight with Windmark to get his shoulder stitched up.  He feels no pain.  Walter says the changes will "soon be permanent" -- so I suppose there's hope for Peter to change back?

Olivia escapes the thugs, because she is Olivia and is awesome and rigs up a super awesome gun thing out of steam and Etta's bullet.  She is sure to retrieve the bullet.

Everyone on this show goes from Boston to NYC in 2.4 seconds.  It gets annoying.  Because suddenly Olivia meets up with Peter where he's watching Windmark to make sure he ends up on a trajectory that will lead to his death at Peter's hand.  But she convinces him to remove the tech from his brain so she doesn't lose him.  OK....  So does that mean Peter's whole transformation was totally pointless?  It's gotta have more repercussions down the road....

This Week's Code: PLEAD

27 November 2012


Our Gang of Idiots is in Philly, so Gus Fring thinks Monroe should beat cheeks to Boston for a while.  Fool, Monroe don't run.

Gus Fring finds the crew hiding out in a friendly house.  Bella's Dad has gone to do whatever it is he needs to do, so he's not there.  Charlie is thrown into a cell with her mom, who recognizes her instantly by her voice.  And appearance.  A daughter who was, like, 10 last time they saw each other.  I guess a mother always knows. Then they get reunited with Boring Danny too.  It's boring.  Monroe's all, "Hey, Charlie's Mom, are you enjoying the family reunion?  Make me some power, bitch, or choose which one of your kids dies." 

Bella's Dad, meanwhile, is in Gus Fring's house with a sword to his wife's neck.  Nice.  He wants his family back.  If that was really Gus Fring, he'd be all, "Cut that bitch's head off."  But it's not, so instead he says hold on a second, I'll get your friends.  And then he tells them where to find Charlie and Boring Danny.

Our flashbacks are meant to show us how much Monroe and Bella's Dad are in love, and make us feel sympathy for Monroe, whose family was killed in a car accident.  We're also hammered over the head with Johnny Crowder being creepy.  We get it.  He's a cartoon psychopath.  Charlie's Mom kills him.

Danny and Charlie escape from their cell, because it's what they do.  And Bella's Dad and his Hot Latina GF are breaking in to find them at the same time.  Bella's Dad's sword saves the day again.  So at last they've found Danny... but now they have to get Mom!  At least that happens quicker than the 8-year ordeal to find Danny.

Time for the Miles and Monroe faceoff!!! DUN DUN DUNNNNNNN!  Monroe's all, We were BFFs, man, what the eff?  Monroe won't kill him, he wants him back.  Aw, how sweet.   I should be getting a strong gay vibe off this show, but unfortunately it's not good enough for me to.  I just don't care.  Make out, then maybe I will.  Or shoot him in the face, then things can get interesting.

Bella's Dad is all, You're nothing to me; I should have killed you the first time.  FISTFIGHT!!!!!!  Then - shocker - SWORDFIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  It's decent too, until it ends when Bella's Dad runs away.   Everyone gets out alive -- and then a helicopter takes off.  Charlie's Mom really should have sabotaged that power device after killing that dude....

20 November 2012


Bella's Dad is the shit, with his sword and his rugged leather coat.  He is the ONLY thing tolerable about this damn show.

Our Gang of Idiots have teamed up with some Rebels and are walking through the train tunnels to Philly.  Charlie steps on a landmine.  YAY!!! Blow up, Charlie!!  Shocker, Charlie tells them all to leave and, shocker, they won't.  Tragically, they all escape the explosion, but now there is literally no turning back, as the tunnel behind them is blocked.

Charlie's Mom is building some machine and explains to a new Militia guy (and therefore the audience) that the Mystical Flash Drive Pendant is like a wireless battery that powers small appliances, like CD players featuring plugs for Led Zeppelin albums, and works only within a short range.  Her machine will be an amplifier so it can work up to 1/2 a mile and power larger things... like missiles.  But Gus Fring is suspicious of her and sends in a guy for a second opinion.  She's not making an amplifier -- she's making a bomb.  Now that's clever.  She also kills the second-opinion guy so that they need her to build the amplifier for real now.  Are you sure you're related to Charlie?  (And do you think you're Walter White?)

Our Gang of Idiots are slowly suffocating because the rubble from the explosion also cut off their air supply.  And we know this because they are starting to hallucinate.  But just for a little while, and then they conveniently stop.  They can breathe fine though.  I need a doctor to tell me if this is possible, thank you.  There also seems to be a lot of air in those great big tunnels.  But whatever. 

Bella's Dad's hallucination features the music of Led Zeppelin and a visit from Monroe.  Have you heard they have some greatest hits album out or something?  That's the rumor.  Why does Monroe look like he wants to bang Bella's Dad?  I'd totally watch that show.  Please.

Nerdy Hipster Guy sees his wife, who is the boring nag she always was.  Good thing they find a door and get some air, but then a Rebel guy they're traveling with is suddenly actually Militia and kills everyone who isn't in the main cast (dagger!) and takes Bella's Dad.  Then Charlie shoots the Militia guy and he gets a shot off at her as he goes down.  YAAAYYYY!  We're then treated to Charlie dreaming about her Dad being alive and Miles trying to wake her up, mostly by yelling, "Wake up!"  Go to the light, Charlie!!!  Ugh this show slows down so much when it's about Charlie, especially when she utters the word, "Danny."  She wakes up.  The bullet just grazed her head.  Shit.

I'm pretty sure after next week we don't get another episode of Revolution for 4 months.  This is going to be the Greatest 4 Months of My Life.

This Is What Maturity Looks Like?

When you have 4 episodes of The Real World/Road Rules Challenge backed up on your DVR, you give up and delete them.  That's too many hours of my life to waste all at once.  Plus, you know, I barely knew anyone who was left anyway.  Let me know if something happens.

16 November 2012


Pacey's got the Observer power to see a series of events that will happen.  And he uses that power to make sure one misses a meeting.  Careful now, let's not go abusing this wondrous gift!

Time for another video tape!  They have to use William Bell's handprint to access his storage facility and retrieve 2 of those cylindrical beacon things the Observers use.  Good thing they have Bell's hand that they cut out of the amber when the team was first found.  Too bad the storage facility is part of a bombed-out building.

The team goes to find Old Nina, who will have access to some technology that can help them clear away the rubble without damaging the storage facility.  Nina's hair is silver and fierce; she and Olivia appear to have that same connection they did in that one universe, the one where Nina raised her.

Meanwhile, Peter's gone off on his own and tries to do the trick again to anticipate the Observer's behavior and get their Rebel friend to switch briefcases with him.  But there's a variable he didn't anticipate so the Rebel can't make the switch.  Peter's also getting some major hot flashes.

Peter tries again and it works, resulting in the Rebel exploding something inside the briefcase all over a group of Observers - something that makes their skin look burned up and their jaws fall off of their faces.  Kickass effects, zombie style!  I like it.

Olivia's not falling for Peter's shitty excuses for disappearing from time to time.  He's also becoming a little more robotic in the way he speaks.  She knows something's up.  Meanwhile, the team gets access to the rubble and enters the storage room.  They find a device, which Peter activates, and the beacons rise from the ground.

Olivia discovers Peter's crazy drawings of timelines - he's tracking the Observer lieutenants, anticipating their actions, and is totes a robot!  He tells her that he has the tech in his head.  He's totally speaking like an Observer; it's freaky!!  The toxin he used on the Observers was the very first Fringe event toxin that killed all the people on that plane.  Now he's ready to attack the leader.  And just when I say, "I hope he doesn't go bald," some hair falls out into his hand.   Nooooooooo!

This Week's Code: TRUST

14 November 2012


Our band of idiots buys their way across a Militia bridge near Philly and right into Johnny Crowder's trap.  They run and escape, because it's what they do.  Then Johnny brings out Nora's sister to try to get them to surrender.  I don't care about Nora, I care even less about her sister.  It takes a matter of moments for the band of idiots to mix up some explosives and free her sister.  Well, that was easy.  Then the sister is going to split, because Nora would rather stay with these idiots than go with her sister to see their father.  Nora is dumb.  Charlie releases Nora of her "contract" and the sisters walk off together, to Texas.  Bye, dummies.

AHAHAHAHAHA Nora's sister played her -- she was working for Johnny Crowder and stole the Mystical Flash Drive Pendant for him and led the band of idiots into a(nother) trap.  She even lied about finding their father.  AHAHAHA this bitch is awesome.

Well of course Nora goes back to rescue the idiots and of course there is swordfighting.  But they don't rescue the Mystical Flash Drive Pendant, and now Monroe has it.

Also over in Militia-land, Monroe plans to banish Gus Fring's son to California.  Gus won't let that happen -- he gets some convenient dirt on another officer's son who is a rebel.  He tells Monroe, and in exchange for the favor, his son gets to stick around.  In other news, Gus Fring's wife wants his ass to be in charge.

Our cliffhanger involves some people in some giant crappy bluescreen tracking Flash Drive Pendants all over the country.  OK whatever.  This show.  Stinks.

10 November 2012


Back to the Great Hunt for the Video Tapes.  Olivia and Pacey are busy grieving (helllla depressing) so Walter goes off on his own to an apartment listed in the latest videotape.  Where's Astrid?  Isn't she supposed to have a leash on him?  She must have been in the crapper cuz then she comes into the lab looking for him.

The apartment building is abandoned and has been through some kind of universe-ripping event.  And when Walter crosses one of the rooms in a certain way, he disappears into another universe.  It's like a trippy haunted house maze apartment with upside-down rooms and stuff. 

The team comes to the apartment to find Walter and then follow Videotaped-Walter into and through the "pocket universe."  On the videotape, Walter is walking around with an Observer Baby, or at least a kid like that little bald kid from Season 1 or 2.  Observer Baby isn't in the room where Video-taped Walter left him.  They figure that Donald took him, Donald being the guy Walter was working with back in the day when he was recording his tapes.  They find an olde timey radio that's sure to be important at some point, but nothing else.

Meanwhile, they left Astrid in the real universe, because Astrid always gets left behind.  She sees Observers coming to the apartment (they caught Walter on camera walking in the neighborhood).  The team escapes, but first Peter gets to do some hand-to-hand combat with an Observer -- and Peter is as fast and strong as they are, snapping the Observer's neck.  Badass.  And now Peter's seeing in blue like Observers do.

This Week's Code: SPLIT

06 November 2012


We open with Charlie getting branded with the Monroe insignia.  Nice.  Two days earlier....

The crew is ambushed by a ragtag group of kids not seen since Children of the Corn.  They're looking for a kid who was taken by the Militia.  Blah blah kids making a society blah blah no parents blah blah find brothers blah blah.  Everyone bands together to rescue the kid, who is being forced, along with other kids, to train for the Militia.

Monroe has been torturing someone Charlie's Mom knows for one of those Mystical Flash Drive Pendants.  Charlie's Mom tries to get the guy to tell her where it is, but she sucks at it, so the guy knows she's a spy.  When he still won't talk, Gus Fring brings in the guy's daughter.

Flashback to Charlie's parents -- they had a company that developed a way to inhibit electricity.  Last time I checked, it's called A POWER BUTTON.  Maybe a lightswitch.  The Department of Defense is interested in it.  In the same way they're interested in $900 toilets.  Also, we find out Danny had some kind of condition while his mom was carrying him, and he was all weakened and stuff, which explains his dishrag-ness.  And the DoD offered to help the baby in exchange for their cooperation.

So Charlie gets captured because that's just what she does.  And she's brought into the training, or at least the orientation, wherein they are beaten to death if they try to leave.  And also where you get branded.

Bella's Dad comes to rescue Charlie because that's just what he does.  And there is swordfighting.  Naturally.  Also, in the midst of things, Nerdy Hipster Guy's Mystical Flash Drive Pendant goes off and gets electricity going for minute again.

The end.  This show stinks.....

04 November 2012


Papa Pacey is bitter because his baby's dead.  Elsewhere, The Observers are closing down a street for a portal-between-two-universes event in which 3 large boxes are "shipped" over.

Astrid's still working on that damn Great Hunt for the Video Tapes, but has hit a stumbling block because propane and ethanol that were going to be used in a bratwurst cook are precariously close to where the laser needs to go.  Seriously.  That's the stumbling block.  This show is turning into a parody with this blasted Great Hunt for the Video Tapes.

They meet up with a Resistance buddy of Etta's who tells the team that the Observers are shipping back parts and escalating their plan to degrade the air to the point where it shortens human lifespans.  Peter wants to get some Observer tech, open up the portal, and destroy the Future -- hard.  Luckily, the Resistance has captured an Observer with said tech! Now Peter just has to figure it out.

Peter uses some pupil-response-device to get the Observer to clue him in on the proper way to assemble the tech.  Commence sabotage!!!!  It doesn't go as planned though.  It does at first, and they think they've created a black hole on the other side, but then another shipment comes through so they obviously weren't destroyed.

Commence plastic bag suffocation torture!!!!  Turns out, Peter's reading of the Observer's dilated pupils wasn't accurate because, well, Observers are emotionless, reactionless effs.  So the device didn't work.  Peter wants to "put the Observers' tech" in his head.  Which involves him strapping the Observer down and pulling something out of the base of his neck.  R.I.P. Asshole!  And now Peter inserts that tech into his head.  Oh this'll go well...........

As if one hunt for video tapes wasn't enough, now Walter's finding tapes of Etta's birthdays in his desk.  Olivia watches it and remembers the good old days and calls Peter to tell him she wants him back and wants them to be together like they used to.  Well, too late, sweetie, cuz now he's got some metal wormy thing in his head!!!!!!!!!

Man, every episode ENDS awesomely lately.

This Week's Code: FIGHT

30 October 2012


I think it was Jim Gaffigan who Tweeted something like, "I hope this whole Hurricane Sandy thing isn't a giant promo for Revolution."  You know, I wouldn't put it past NBC.

Gus Fring brings Danny to Monroe.  Johnny Crowder, the sadist interrogator, is sent after Our Gang.

Charlie, Bella's Dad, and Nerdy Hipster Guy are speeding off in a horse-drawn carriage with Nora in the back with her infected stab wound.  They go to some guy's mansion, a guy that Bella's Dad knew from his Militia days.  He's got a doctor in the basement who does a blood transfusion from Bella's Dad to Nora.  Meanwhile, Charlie takes a bath and then freaks out and rips apart all of her postcards.  She's just the worst.  The dude who owns the house is a bona fide creepy whackjob who peddles heroin and whores.  In exchange for his kindness, the dude wants Charlie to kill someone who has been burning his heroin.  So Charlie has to wear a dress and pretend to be an abused whore to get into the guy's compound.

Of course, Bella's Dad won't let Charlie be in any danger, so he does some swordfighting (naturally) and stops her from killing the guy.  Because the editing on this show is THE WORST, now Creepy Whackjob Dude has Nora and Nerdy Hipster Guy and is going to make them duel.  An old-school gun duel on his front yard.  NHG fakes shooting himself in the heart (by shooting a flask in his pocket) and then actually shoots Creepy Whackjob Dude.  R.I.P. Creepy Whackjob Dude.

This week's flashback offers us a look at Nerdy Hipster Guy and his wife post-blackout.  It's pretty much what you'd expect, with NHG being totally inept and not at all tough.  And he left his wife with a group they were traveling with because he felt so inadequate.  Loser.

In the end, Danny is reunited with his mother.  I hope she's not disappointed in what a wet dishrag of a man he is.

26 October 2012


Let's not talk about the crazy hours I've been working, the Halloween vacation I went on, the fact that I've seen 2 movies and not reviewed them, and the fact that I have 3 episodes of The Challenge to catch up on.  Let's just watch Fringe so I can go to bed and work tomorrow.

Peter's on the run from Observers who tried to read him while he was stealing gas.  The rest of the crew is digging out Tape 2 at Harvard.  And Old Broyles is having a confab with the Lead Asshole Observer because they've determined that someone is working for the Resistance and feeding Our Team information.

Tape 2's clue directs Our Team to a subway station.  But in order to get there, Walter first takes everyone downstairs where Walter has kept all of the evidence from their Fringe Division cases.  Random.

During the course of a mind-rapey interrogation, an Observer gets the traitor to reference someone called "The Dove" -- my money's on Broyles cuz he's acting hella on-guard and can block the Observers out of his head pretty well.  Sure enough, Broyles texts Ella to tell her the Observers are headed for the lab.  So the crew re-ambers the lab and sneaks out.

The team uses the old makes-head-holes-close-up gas (that stuff was awsome!) to get past guards and into the subway station.  I like the concept of them using the past Fringe case evidence and making weapons out of them.  But I don't know if that's something that's going to continue, or was just the gimmick for this episode.

So what they get out of the station is a giant scroll of an equation that Walter wrote and can't make sense of.  Broyles comes by and they have a sweet reunion, and he gives them some weapons.  Observers catch up to them.    Everyone shoots and runs.  Lead Asshole Observer catches up to Etta.  I suddenly think this show could get interesting if Etta dies. Time to lose the weirdness of a 5-year age gap between parents and child.  Get some drama and angst from her death.

Sure enough, Lead Asshole Observer shoots her.  And before she dies, Etta arms a bomb that wipes out a bunch of Observers.  R.I.P. Etta.  Nothing against you, kid, but I want my old show back.  And you were in my way.  This might just be the jolt the show needed.  Peter's at least going to be crazed for revenge.

This Week's Code: WOUND

16 October 2012


Gus Fring is hosting his own Fight Club.  Honestly.  He beats the crap out of Boring Danny.  Which should be awesome, but Shirtless Gus Fring is creepy.  Our flashbacks this week show Gus before the blackout when he was a regular joe, kind of a corporate idiot whose neighbors take advantage of him and he just passive-aggressively deals with life.  Reminds me of when we met John Locke in flashback.  Only 700% less awesome.  He's also married to one of Jack Bauer's old girlfriends and has a young son.  We see him go all crazy when a looter shows up to his home after the blackout.  He's had enough, dammit, he's Gus Fring!

Dull British Stepmom is in the ground, so Bella's Dad says it's time to stop whining and get going.  Charlie, stop whining?  Right -- that'll be the day.  They hear a train, and see Gus trying to get one going.

Nora goes to visit a dude named Hutch and uses the code, "I'm looking for a copy of Joe Biden's biography," which is apparently Resistance code for, "I'm cool."  She wants help blowing up the train.

Charlie runs into Gus Fring then Bella's Dad comes along to have a knife fight with him and then run off.  This show really sucks.  It's just a bunch of shoddly-edited-together scenes.  I don't get it.

So you know how Nora wants to blow up the train?  Guess what Charlie's whining about -- "What if Danny's on board?"  ENOUGH ABOUT DANNY!  When Nora sees that Danny is indeed on the train, she wants to stop the bomb, so Hutch stabs her.  Oh noooo the train is taking offfff.  Whoooo cares.

Bella's Dad and Charlie highjack a couple of horses to catch the train.  They bust in and Charlie laughably tries to fight Gus Fring.  Please choke her to death, Gus, please!!!  Bella's Dad literally reaches into the flames of the engine to pull out the bomb-booby-trapped log.  Good thing he got there in time to notice that a bomb-booby-trapped log was being used.  Effing random and awful.  Anyway, Nate comes out of left field (remember his dumb ass, the Militia Spy with a Heart of Gold?) to throw Charlie off of the train to protect her from Gus and then Bella's Dad jumps off after her.  These 2 idiots are back where they have always been -- looking for Danny, now tracking him to Philadelphia.

Oh so our big Shocking Revelation when Gus meets up with his wife is that Nate is his son, Jason.  Also, Charlie's Mom says there are 12 Mystical Flash Drive Pendants.

This show might be tolerable if it were more about the adults and the Resistance and less about the boring, whiny teenagers.  Alas.  This show gets really good ratings!!  I don't understand that at all.

12 October 2012


So I just watched the pilot for Arrow.  And I'm all in.  It's like Smallville but 1000 times better.  Cuz this guy actually kills people.  And the mystery of what happened to him while he was missing is cool.  Loved the pilot!

Over on Fringe, it's the Great Hunt for the Video Tapes.  The first one is Walter smoking a massive bong, and it leads them to a location in a Northern Pennsylvania forest.  Within this forest is... for old time's sake let's call them the Freaks of the Week -- people who look like they have tar all over their faces and live in some weird little village.

The shit-faced guys recognize Walter.  They're a group of refugees from the city who maintain an historical record of mankind.  Walter's tape sends them to an abandoned mine where they find an extra-tarred-up dead body.  The team starts developing tar spots as well.   They've got to get to the bottom of the mine to retrieve some kind of quartz crystals that are super, super important, you guys.  Some tar guy makes the sacrifice play to retrieve it.  The end.

Olivia does a lot of angsting over whether she was a bad mother. Boo.  I'm still not feeling this season.  Yeah, I get it, life is bad under The Observers.  It's also boring.  And I don't care about these ugly tar people.  The story on this one stunk.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This Week's Code: ANGER.  Yeah, that about sums it up.  The next one looks better though.

09 October 2012


Dull British Stepmom and Nerdy Hipster Guy meet Bella's Dad and Charlie at the rendezvous point.  There is more walking.  They come upon dogs eating a deer.  The dogs chase them.  Taste the excitement, people!  Cuz honestly - it's so. boring.  Flashback to Charlie's mom leaving the family to "get supplies" - still. boring.  Oh wait - there's a STORM COMING!  That's exciting! 

Now to Monroe's palace where Charlie's mom is being held.  After sweet talking doesn't work for Monroe, Johnny Crowder is brought in to do some light torture.  I think.  I don't know, they don't show anything and then at the end they just come back to Monroe threatening to rip out Danny's molars in front of her.  That would be awesome.  Spoiler Alert: it'll never happen.

The Team of Idiots arrives at an amusement park.  That Quasi-Militia Guy is still following them; he just won't go away.  And now there's another guy watching them... WITH A DOG!!  When the power is out, dogs rule the world! 

Charlie is the worst character on television.  Stop whining, twat!  Let Bella's Dad do what he needs to do and stop giving him the guilt trip for not wanting to find your stupid brother.  Said stupid brother uses the cover of the impending storm (like, tornado-level storm) to get away.  But then Gus Fring is on him in 2 seconds, as if to further demonstrate how not-bright Danny is.  That's a new record - didn't he get away for about 15 seconds last time?

Time for more RUNNING FROM DOGS!!!!!  Dull British Stepmom is stabbed by Guy With Dog.  Lucky her; he nicked an artery so she gets out of this soon.  Then DOG MAN NABS CHARLIE!  And they talk each other to death.  Til Bella's Dad gets there for the KNIFE FIGHT wherein Quasi-Militia Guy stabs Dog Man!

So the storm comes but doesn't really, it just kind of peters out, much like this show.  But then the ceiling caves in on Gus Fring.  Will Dumb Danny save him?  Of course he will.  Because Dumb Danny is perfect.  Gus slaps handcuffs back on him.  Dumb Danny.

R.I.P. Dull British Stepmom.  I couldn't care less.  And this was after Nerdy Hipster Guy sewed up her artery.  Jesus, he had to endure the trauma of diner surgery for this bitch only to have her die 1 minute later?  Boo.  Oh guess what - now Bella's Dad isn't going anywhere.  Dammit, he almost got away!

08 October 2012

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons

Trishelle is gunning for Sarah because Sarah has her eyes on Alton and Alton is a whore. 

The Challenge is a crazy 5-legged race that involves hanging and hooks.  And it's suspended over water, as most Challenges are.  Eric hits the water right away, as Eric is prone to do.  Fresh Meat loses.

The Power Team is Las Vegas.  Trishelle wants Sarah/Brooklyn gone, but Alton of course defends his new BFF.  I'm not commenting on the fact that Alton's sitting in the back of the bus eating watermelon while they argue.  Nope.  Trishelle wins that fight.  I love that Devyn accuses Sarah of not knowing how to give a proper BJ. 

The Arena: A strategy game, with Cara Maria & Brandon being chosen to go against Sarah & Chet, who volunteered themselves.  The strategy game involves tying knots in a rope around a jungle gym; then the other team has to unwrap the rope.  Besides being a strategy game, it's a heavy-ass rope.

Bye-bye: Cara Maria and Brandon.  Aw, man, MORE PEOPLE I KNOW GOING HOME!!  This stinks.  I'll miss Cara Maria and her crazy Jack Sparrow hair.

07 October 2012

I Believe In Love Again

This is my favorite Odd Couple of all time.  They are filling the void left by Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.  Love them.  But can we call him by his real name, Tobias Fünke, please?

Amber Tamblyn and David Cross are married!

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants actress, 29, and The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret actor, 48, tied the knot on Saturday, a rep for the actress confirmed to PEOPLE.

05 October 2012


Did I mention yet that Last Resort sucks?  It legit sucks.  And I had 2 people I trust recommend it to me!  Needless to say, I no longer trust them.  It's just a dumb, incomprehensible mess and godawful.  Ick.  Anyway, I just watched last night's and it's time to wash the taste out of my mouth with some Fringe.  Let's hope it tastes as good as it used to.  Cuz so far it tastes a little off.  It's weird when a kid and her parents are nearly the same age and when you're not sure what's been happening for 20 years.

Harvard has been taken over by Observers, but the team wants to get into Walter's lab.  "It's not a problem for someone who's done acid," says Walter.  He remembers tunnels beneath the campus.  They find the lab ambered-up and cobwebbed over.  An Observer loyalist happens across the lab and Etta whips out some kind of crazy torture/aging device on him.  Olivia's not so proud of her daughter any longer.  Walter rigs some pig's eyes so they can get through an ocular scanner to get into the science building so they can turn the power back on.  So there's a bunch of gross eyeball stuff which I hate.  Good old Fringe.

Etta and Peter go undercover into the science building where they see experiments being done on humans, brains in jars, etc.  Etta also sees her old pal Desmond's head - and only his head - surrounded by electrodes.  And it blinks.  YAY Fringe!

Using a laser from Walter's laserdisc player, they dig out a camera (Betamax, natch - Walter loves his outdated technology) and videotape. On it, Walter says that he laid out his plan on several videotapes which must be found and put together.  I'm sorry - is this the new Freak of the Week?  Videotape of the Week? It's Lord of the Rings with Betamax!  Mike makes some Harry Potter reference instead.

This Week's Code: FAITH.  As in, have faith that this will feel like my show again.  I miss my Freaks of the Week. :(

02 October 2012


I keep hearing them say "Annie" when they're saying "Danny."  This is fitting, since Danny is a giant vagina.

Rebel HQ is in a shitty chain restaurant.  They've taken on a bunch of casualties and things look grim and the Militia finds them blah blah blah.  I like that in a post-apocalyptic, Renaissance-ish world, Monroe's Militia has taken the time to develop a logo.  It's on all their tents and even branded on their skin.  Awesome.  Maybe Rebel HQ should do better than an American flag.

Shocker: Bella's Dad does what Bella's Dad does best - sword fighting.  I guess they really are going to do this every week....

This week's flashbacks show us Bella's Dad and Monroe's relationship soon after the blackout.  They tell us absolutely nothing.  But in the present day, we find out Bella's Dad was once the second-in-command in the Militia.  So what?  We already knew they were BFFs.  This isn't surprising to me.  But it's surprising to Charlie, who in her defense didn't know they were besties in the first place.  I guess we're meant to be afraid of the Militia because Badass Bella's Dad trained them.  Then we get a flashback where Bella's Dad was once the unstable, murderous one of the pair of Miles & Monroe.  Hey -- I like that the "M" in the militia logo might be for Monroe but could also be for Miles Matheson.  Lots of M's in this bitch.

Nerdy Hipster Guy and Dull British Stepmom are on a quest for the Mystical Flash Drive Woman, but she's nowhere to be found at her farm.  Her place is trashed and NHG finds the remnants of a computer that I guess he just assumes she recently used.  Because who would have a computer 15 years after the power went out, I guess.  Unless it was just for nostalgia.  Or wishful thinking.

At the end, the Mystical Flash Drive starts glowing, music starts playing, and DBS can see the photo of her kids on her iPhone.  And then the power goes out again.

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons

Sarah's got jungle fever, all in love with Alton.  Well, as we know, his body is on point.  Exes Melinda and Danny both have significant others back home, so 10 bucks says they end up hooking up.

The challenge is some good old-fashioned, porny, trashy oil wrestling.  Really.  The fact that they have to wear helmets kind of kills the mood.  You know what's killing me this season?  The soundtrack.  We get it, dubstep is hot right now.

As for these people I don't know: 1) Knight is a fat dumb douche idiot 2) I love Laura's hair and 3) I got confirmation that Sam is a chick, so at least wrestling in bathing suits did that for me.

The Power Team is San Diego, and they choose Fresh Meat to go up against the losers, Austin.  Dammit - I'm losing all the people I know!  They also choose Endurance.

The Arena: Melinda & Danny (cuz that's all that's left of Austin) v. Camila & Eric (Fresh Meat didn't decide so San Diego chose).

Bye-bye:  Melinda & Danny.  Oh well, guess they won't hook up after all.  Til the next Challenge....

01 October 2012

I Love Drew Barrymore

I love Drew Barrymore.  I truly do.  And now she's named her daughter the name I love the most!  And I can totally picturing her saying "Olive" with her crooked mouth and it's adorable.  Is that weird?  Yeah, it's wierd.

Drew Barrymore and her husband Will Kopelman have welcomed their first child – a baby girl named Olive, her rep confirms to JustJared.com.

“We are proud to announce the birth of our daughter, Olive Barrymore Kopelman, born September 26th, healthy, happy and welcomed by the whole family. Thank you for respecting our privacy during this most special time in our lives,” Drew said in a statement via her rep.

28 September 2012


We only get 13 more episodes of Fringe.  And they're in the Observer-run year of 2036.  I really wanted to do a massive rewatch of Fringe while it was on break, but I didn't.  So maybe it's a goal for after this season then.

Once we get accustomed to the future and the team of Etta, Walter, Astrid, and Pacey working together, Etta determines that amber gypsies have taken Olivia.  I guess they go around cutting people out of amber and then selling them to family members.  She's not with the amber gypsies because the little midget bookstore dude bought her -- and uses her as a coffee table.  I'm not making this stuff up, people.

They get ambered-Olivia into the back of a van but then Observers and their army of human slaves show up.  Walter gets separated from the rest and captured.  Olivia is freed from the amber.  YAY hi Olivia I love you!!  Lovely Bishop family reunion ensues.  Well, except for Walter, who is being interrogated by Observers, and not very nicely.  He's def being mindraped.  Boo Observers.

So it seems the years before they all got ambered-up went like this -- Etta "died" or maybe just disappeared.  After losing their kid, Olivia and Peter split because they were sad, and also he was a pussy and she wanted to go save the world.  Before she ambered herself, Olivia was bringing Walter a device to unscramble the plan for defeating the Observers that September had put into Walter's mind.

Etta hooks the team up with her Resistance friends, who sneak them in to free Walter.  The thought device doesn't help them, because Walter's brain got all effed up during the mindraping.

This Week's Code: DOUBT.

OK, look, I'm all for any kind of Fringe.  Truly.  But I miss my little team solving Freak of the Week cases.  There, I said it.

25 September 2012


We start with a one-week-before-the-blackout flashback and intersperse them during the show.  Oh, so this show wants to be Lost.

Bella's Dad really enjoys sword fighting.  I suppose it makes sense - bows and arrows and swords because guns are banned by the Militia or whatever.  Plus it just looks cool, which is really what I think this show is all about.  Authenticity? Nope.

They're in one of those bizarre bazaars - really, people sell spices on the street - when Bella's Dad starts fighting guys for reasons that weren't apparent to me.  Then he ditches the group for 2 weeks so he can track down a woman.  Only he can't get away from Miss Persistence, Charlie, who takes off after him.  That Quasi-Militia Guy Nate conveniently runs into her.  "Why'd you save me?" Because he wants to bone you, dummy.  This Charlie chick is really obsessed with her dingbat brother.  He looks like the biggest douche on the planet.  He can't be worth all of this trouble.

Gus Fring is such a badass that when he finds a guy with a gun and an American flag he burns it all up.  Gus Fring hates America!  He's also way too good for this show.

Monroe the Head Militia Dude is the guy from the shitty show The Cape.  He's an asshole too, stabbing a guy in the guts and trying to track down rebels.  And he has a team of prisoner/slaves pulling a helicopter.  Blah blah he's evil.  Nora, the chick Bella's Dad is looking for, is A) hot B) wearing a tank top her boobs fall out of and C) one of those prisoner/slaves.  Bella's Dad, Charlie, and Nora team up to kill all the guards, free the slaves, and get weapons for the Rebels -- with even more ultra-cool sword fighting. 

Nerdy Hipster Guy is left with Dull British Stepmom to try to find the woman he's supposed to give the Mystical Flash Drive to.  Too bad someone named Randall tracks her down first -- and he's got an electrical current.  The horror!

Monroe has Charlie's Mom prisoner, but the nice kind of prison where she gets to apparently shower, wear nice clothes, write with fountain pens, and have ice.  And I guess that was meant to be some kind of revelation, because the shows ends there.  Well now, that wasn't very exciting, was it?

20 September 2012

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons

The Challenge is back so YAY but also who are half these people so BOO.  It's the Battle of the Seasons, but I've only seen Austin (LOL divorcees Melinda and Danny!), the original Las Vegas, and Brooklyn.  Oh lordy Devyn has had a lot of plastic surgery.  She looks awful.

Didn't see Back to New Orleans, Back to Las Vegas, Back to San Diego (Jesus, they just kept going back to places?), St. Thomas, or Cancun, though I know Jonna and Jasmine from prior Challenges.  So yeah, I don't know more than half these people.  But on the plus side, 45% of the guys appear to be gay.

Right before the challenge, we're suddenly introduced to a new team -- Team Fresh Meat.  Well, thank god, now I know more people.  Big Easy's lost 70 pounds, but that doesn't stop him from falling into the water, quitting, and DQ'ing.  Fresh Meat loses.  The Power Team is Cancun, and as such they get to choose which team goes against Fresh Meat, and they choose Team Austin.  The Power Team also gets to choose the type of game that's played, and they choose Physical.

The Teams each choose (or else have chosen for them) a guy and a girl to go into the... Arena, I guess?  I don't know.  Ever since The Hunger Games I think something called the Arena should be more awesome.

Frank is your first hot drunken mess, as he gets hilariously, slurry drunk and rages against everyone until passing out.  Jonna's suddenly in love with Zach, but - shocker - she just started seeing someone.  Won't stop her from calling the BF and dumping him instantly.  Class.

Lacey and Wes choose to go in for Austin and Eric and Cara Maria choose to go in for Fresh Meat (well, Cara Maria has second thoughts, but, hey, she volunteered.  No takebacks.).

The challenge involves the competitors tackling each other in an enclosed tube.  Cara Maria wins. Then Eric wins.  Because, well, it involves tackling in an enclosed tube.

Bye-bye: Lacey and Wes.  That's got to be some kind of record for Wes.

18 September 2012


OK let's see if I feel like blogging this.  I'd love for this show to be good, but I'm already thinking it will be craptastic.

The heroine's name is Charlie.  Right off the bat, I have a problem with this show.  Charlie as a girl's name is soooooo 5 years ago.

The power goes out.  But not just the power, car electrical systems too.  Man, we can't even have batteries?  Everyone's screwed.  Welcome to my worst nightmare - no air conditioning or television.

Now it's 15 years later and we're back to ye olden times, where all the kids look Amish except for Charlie, who's now hot.  No one could figure out how to get electricity working? Really?  There wasn't some workaround someone could devise?

Charlie and her dad live in a little makeshift village, her mom having died a few years back. OR DID SHE?

Gus Fring comes riding into town on a horse with a posse loaded up with bows and arrows, because Gus Fring is a badass.  He's looking for Charlie's Dad and Charlie's Dad's brother a/k/a Bella's Dad.  (Team Bella's Dad!)  When Charlie's Brother, Danny, gets pissed and threatens Gus, chaos ensues, Danny is taken away by Gus, and Charlie's Dad is shot and killed, dying with enough time to tell Charlie to find Bella's Dad in Chicago.

Charlie, her stepmom-ish person, and the Nerdy Hipster Guy head out of the village.  You know, for the power being out, people sure don't look very dirty.  Nerdy Hipster Guy earns his nickname -- turns out he used to work for Google and was worth $80 million.  Well then, his life sucks now.  Did I mention NHG was given an emulet/flash drive by Charlie's Dad and that it contains something ~*~secretive~*~?  The trio make it to O'Hare and take a nap on a crashed plane, are attacked by randoms, and are saved by a dark, "handsome" stranger, Nate.

In 15 years would Wrigley Field already be overgrown with forest, like an ancient ruin?  I just don't buy it.  Chicago's looking hella old time, part Wild West, part Renaissance -- it's a weird vibe.  They find Bella's Dad easily enough, tending bar.  See -- there are bars. They can make booze?  I find it hard to believe cities would just be overrun with flora and fauna.  But I guess we have our priorities straight.

Gus works for whoever is in charge of the militia and they want to know how to get the power back on.  They think Charlie's Dad and Bella's Dad both knew why it went off and how to fix it.  Bella's Dad is the kind of guy who plays by his own rules and doesn't want to help Charlie.  Oh and Nate ends up being militia.  He comes back to get Bella's Dad with a bunch of militia thugs.  Too bad for them Bella's Dad is a goddamn ninja assassin.  He kills them all except Nate, who saves Charlie from a soldier and then runs off.  Okaaaayyyy.

Monroe, the Head Militia Dude? Used to be Bella's Dad's BFF.  He's in a big tented camp, with ice in his drink so that bastard figured something out.

OK, so Danny is a boring pain in the ass.  I mean, dull and stupid. He escapes from Gus Fring but then is recaptured by Gus.  I can already tell he's going to be the lamest thing ever.  Also, Charlie is pretty damn boring herself.  I'll watch for Bella's Dad, Nerdy Hipster Guy, and Gus Fring.

Oh wait - the dun-dun-DUN moment -- When Danny was escaped for 4 minutes he was taken in by some random chick.  That chick turns out to have her own emulet/flash drive thing, puts it in a computer, and types out a message: "The militia was here."  See?  Dun-dun-DUNNNNNN.

06 September 2012


There are times when I am reading through my celebrity/pop culture blogs and I literally scream out loud.  This is one of those times.  *cries* 

Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are calling it quits.

The comedic stars, who wed in August 2003, are ending their marriage, a rep for both actors confirms to PEOPLE. The couple are parents to two sons – Archie, 3½, and Abel, 2.

And their kids are so cute and moppish - one's a ginger!!  This stinks.

04 September 2012

Lawless is Pointless

I saw Lawless yesterday and haven't been compelled to write a review.  A pointless movie on a pointless blog - what's the point?  Lawless is a movie that just is -- it has no substance that stays with you, the story's not very compelling, there's nothing memorable about it.  It's cool to watch olde timey moonshiners in action - I guess?  It's violent, but even that wasn't very exciting.  Hell, I'm putting the poster of Gary Oldman on this post because I forgot (in the last 24 hours, mind you) that he was even in the movie.  Didn't amount to much screen time and wasn't memorable, so what the hell's the point of using Gary Oldman?

See it if you're a big Shia LaBeouf fan, I guess. Tom Hardy's fine, but he just kind of grumbles and snorts his way through the movie; his character doesn't have much personality.  The movie didn't really go anywhere.  Again, I just didn't see the point.  So you can feel good about skipping this one, unless you're hella into moonshining and Shia LaBeouf.  Then have at it and enjoy.

02 September 2012

Breaking Bad

Last week still hurts.  R.I.P. Mike.  But thank you, Vince Gilligan, for giving me Jonathan Banks. Love.

I think all Breaking Bad finales should fall on holiday eves.  I probably won't be able to sleep afterward anyway, might as well get the day off.

Mike's in the trunk and it's up to Walter and Todd to give him the ol' acid-and-barrel funeral.  Sooner or later, everyone ends up in a barrel.  Jesse shows up, but doesn't see Mike.  Walter says he's handling the situation with the 9 guys in prison.  Jesse really needs to just leave the ABQ.  Sweetie, seriously, just go.  Now.

Dennis the laundry manager is ready to make a deal with Hank.

Heisenberg walks in to a restaurant to meet with Lydia, sunglasses and all. Walt's there to get the list of names.  Really, dude?  What are you going to do, kill them all?  Ass.  But first, Lydia lays out a business plan -- she's ready to take this thing international -- time to bring meth to the Czech Republic.  He's in.  She gives him the names.  Walter had the ricin capsule under his hat the whole time.  But I guess the prospect of international diversification was enough to allow Lydia to live.  The ricin capsule goes back behind an electrical outlet faceplate.

Remember Todd's uncle with the prison connections?  That's who's tapped to kill off all the dudes.  He and his boys (including Devil!!) make the plans to hit the guys in all their separate prisons.  Whacking bin Laden wasn't this complicated.   Everyone gets viciously shivved, except Dennis, who gets burned the eff up.

Walter's at Marie's with the baby when Hank comes home, despondent that his case just got effed.  Poor Hank.  I officially want him to find Walter out and win.

Time for a back-to-business montage.  Walter and Todd cook, Lydia flies the meth out of the country, and Skyler launders the fat stacks.  Rinse, repeat.  3 months passes.  Marie's ready for the kids to go home already.  Marie's a saint.  I wouldn't watch my sister's effing kids for 3 months just so she can run a car wash.

Skyler takes Walter to a storage facility.   Inside is all the money she can't launder.  Tons of it.  She doesn't even know how much there is.  Fat. Stacks.  She wants her kids and her life back, so she wants Walter to see that he has enough goddamn money already.

When we get back from break, Walter's at the doctor again.  No follow up on that yet.

Just when I was hoping Jesse would just disappear from the story altogether (because that's actual preferable to how things are probably going to end), Walter pays him a visit.  There's a bong so he's getting high again. :(

The boys reminisce about their RV.  Oh man, those were some good times.  Walter gives Jesse his $5 million.  That's true love right there.

We see Jesse had a gun on him the whole time.  You know, just in cases.  Walter goes home and tells Skyler, "I'm out."  Man, don't you wish the show would just end here?  I kind of do.  Except not really.  Because I'm a glutton for punishment and I was to sufferrrrrrr.

Hank goes to take a crap during dinner at the White house.  And what does he find on the back of the toilet?  Leaves of Grass, inscribed to W.W. from G.B.  OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIT SONNNNNNNN IT'S ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

26 August 2012

Breaking Bad

When we last left Walter, he was claiming everyone would win.  But we know better, right?  Mike drives the Three Musketeers out into the desert to meet the methylamine buyers.  Or would-be buyers, as Walter tells them they can't have it.  But he offers them 35% of his business if they work as his distributors.  He makes Classic Coke, not their generic-cola, dyed-blue crap.

Mike gets his $5 million and Declan's crew gets his share of the business.  Jesse tries to remind Walter that he's out too, but Walter wants a transition period.  Even in the meth business, you gotta give your two weeks' notice.  Poor kid ain't getting out....

Mike says his goodbyes and tells the guys to get the bug out of Hank's office.  The attorney distributes the legacy costs to his guys' safety deposit boxes, and leaves a big old stack in a box for Mike's granddaughter's 18th birthday.  Mike overhears the DEA saying they have a search warrant, so he tosses his laptop and a million guns into a well and parks a car at the airport.

Back to poor Jesse... Walter just won't let him talk.  Walter wants to give Jesse his own lab and his own cook so they can cook twice as much.  Jesse wants out.  Walter asks him what he'd do other than video games and go-karts, and probably using drugs again.  Jesus.  Walter says Jesse shouldn't have the money, because it's filthy blood money, right?  So why not stay and make more?  Jesse doesn't need your money, asshole!!  Jesse awesomely walks out while Walter stands alone, yelling that he's getting nothing.

Walter starts a cook with Todd.  Oh god.  Those 2 deserve each other.

Over in DEA land, Hank's not doing so great at the new job, not timely filing his reports and wasting time on Mike.  He decides to start tracking the attorney instead.  The attorney makes another drop at the bank, but this time Gomez is waiting for him.  Drat.  Walter pays Hank a visit to cry some more about Skyler and then remove the bugs.  He also overhears Gomez tell Hank that the attorney is going to flip and give up Mike.  NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!  This can only mean one thing....

Walter gives Mike the heads-up that the DEA is coming to get him at the park where he's watching his granddaughter, then he and Jesse meet with Saul to review options.  Saul's hilariously offended that Mike used another lawyer to move the money.  Mike calls and asks Saul to get his go-bag from the airport parking garage.  Jesse wants to deliver it because he's sweet, but Walter does.  There's a gun in the bag.  Of course there is.  Christ on a bike I can't watch this!!!

Walter wants the names of Mike's guys, but Mike just lays Walter out for ruining the good thing they all had going.  Of course Walter runs after Mike and shoots him.  They made me all excited too, thinking he was getting away.  Instead, Mike just sits by a river, bleeding out.  Walter finds him and is all, Oh nevermind, Lydia has the names, I can get them from her.  Mike tells him to shut up so he can die in peace.  Awesome til the end.  Mike falls over.  I am sad.

R.I.P. Mike you were THE SHIT!!!

EXTREME Weekend!!!!

It's Hurricane Isaac weekend here in South Florida, so what better time to catch up on a buttload of movies before being trapped in your house for a day or 2?  P.S.: That picture of Isaac is from Wednesday's forecast, when he was destined for my house.  Now we're pretty much just getting a Tropical Storm.  Being the movie geek I am, I paraphrased Lt. Aldo Raine from Inglourious Basterds yesterday when I said, "More like rained on.  I've been rained on before."  I think I'm going to have to watch that movie again today....

First up on Friday night was Premium Rush.  This is a movie about EXTREME bike messengers.  Really.  It's fine.  I mean, was it supposed to be amazing?  No.  But Joseph Gordon-Levitt's in it and he's pretty.  Unfortunately for the movie, biking looks ridiculous when you see a lot of it. I mean, his little legs moving up and down the whole time. It's comical. Also, on bikes, no matter how fast they're going -- they're still bikes!  So slow "chases."  And WTF is up with Michael Shannon and his scenery-chewing bullshit?  I know he's supposed to be a good actor, but I couldn't figure out what he was doing.  Was he doing it tongue-in-cheek or was he being serious?  Either way, ick.  Also, the musical score was awful and when a movie score stands out that's bad -- you're not supposed to notice it.  It was bizarre.  Anyway, it was fine.

Next up on Saturday was the very definition of an EXTREME action movie - The Expendables 2.  Dude.  I mean, you sit there rolling your eyes at the dialogue and yet who gives a shit when you have Sylvester Stallone, Jason Statham, Dolph Lundgren, and Arnold Schwarzenegger fighting side-by-side and mowing down guys with machine guns?  And you get 3 awesome Jean-Claude Van Damme roundhouse kicks. How can you not love that?  Stallone fighting with chains. Statham throwing knives. Then Chuck Norris rolls in totally randomly and makes Chuck Norris jokes.  Everyone saying each other's catch phrases.  (OK, that's I can do without.)  It's a fun movie to watch.  If you don't pop a couple boners during it, you're not human.

I closed out the weekend seeing The Bourne Legacy again because Mike hadn't seen it yet, and it could have been my last night on earth so I wanted to spend it wisely.  I liked it better the second time, likely because I knew to expect a slow start and less Jeremy Renner than you would think a Jeremy Renner movie would contain.  Of all of these EXTREME movies, this one is definitely the most realistic.  Those old guys don't do their own stunts in the same way Renner does.  JCVD's roundhouse kicks were done in such a way that I pictured him doing one, then taking a 15 minute break, then doing the next one.  Punch, break, punch, break, duck, break, heavily edit.  The old men just aren't as ferocious as they used to be.

19 August 2012

Breaking Bad

Earlier this week, I saw a still from this episode of Jesse having dinner with The Whites.  It blew my mind.  OMG LET'S DO THIS!

But first, it's time for Walter, Mike, and Todd to unload the truck from last week's heist, including that nosy motorbike kid's body.  The bike and the body get the usual dissolve-in-a-drum treatment.  They take apart the bike piece by piece and all you can think about is how they're going to be taking apart that body.  Or maybe he'll be able to just fit right in.  Jesse's outside the whole time.  When Todd comes out and gives him a casual, "Shit happens, huh?" Jesse punches him in the face.

The Four Musketeers have a meeting (trial?) where Todd pleads that he had no other choice.  He's sorry and all, but doesn't think he did anything wrong since he was protecting the team and the business.  He's essentially using this like a job interview, looking for a promotion.  He has an uncle with prison connections, and he wants to be a full partner.   Walter's options: 1. Fire Todd.  He knows way too much.  2. Dispose of Todd.  Of course Jesse would never let that happen.  3. Keep Todd.  That's the only way to go.  But that kid is going to be the death of everyone, isn't he?

The DEA is tailing Mike, but of course Mike is aware of it.  He leaves a "dead drop" for them -- a note that says, "F**k you."

While Jesse and Walter are cooking, they see a report on the news about the missing motorbike kid.  Walter needs him to soldier on, whistle while he works like Walter does.  After all, they have everything they need for the next year.  Everything's going to be so perfect, right?  Oy.

Once the batch is done, Walter joins Mike and Jesse for a late night pow-wow.  Mike says the feds are getting too close to him so Walter flies off the handle.  Then Mike says he's out.  "Sorry to see you go, Mike."  Horse's ass.   Walter says Jesse will have to take over distribution.  Only... Jesse's out too.  I WISH THIS WERE THE ENDING I SWEAR TO GOD!!!!!  Mike already has plans to sell their shares of the methylamine.  They'll each get $5 million.  Guess who this isn't good enough for?

Mike meets with the people Walt refers to as his competition to sell the methylamine, but the guy only wants to buy if the blue meth will be off the market entirely.  He wants the full amount of methylamine. They can't promise that, since Walt plans to keep cooking.....

Jesse comes to Walt's house to try to sell him on the methylamine deal.  $5 million, no one else gets killed, isn't this perfect?  Walter says he hasn't been working this hard just to sell out.  OY!  His dumb ass brings up Gray Matter, the company he took a $5000 buyout from that is now worth billions. That's his fault.  Ass.  "I'm in the empire business."  I. HATE. YOU.

Skyler comes home and they all sit down for dinner.  Because, of course, Skyler will be as compliant as Walter wants her to be, and Walt is quite satisfied to show that off.  It's the Greatest Family Dinner Ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  Jesse is hysterical and Skyler is downing large glasses of wine.  Skyler's all, "Did you tell him about my affair, too?"  OMG IT'S THE GREATEST THING I'VE EVER SEEN!!!!!  Once she leaves the table, Walter goes, "Do you know my kids are gone?" and Jesse says, "Thank god" in the quickest, greatest way possible.  He did NOT need more awkwardness. Walt tells Jesse that he has nothing left but the business "and you want to take it away from me."  You're always the martyr, right, Walter?  Everyone's always persecuting you?  UUUUUGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH

Walter goes to the office to take his methylamine, where Mike is there to sit on him all night and make sure he doesn't interfere with the methylamine deal.  In the morning, Mike chains Walter's hand to the radiator so he can go take care of something.  Well, that was dumb, since Walt finds a way out, using exposed wires to burn through the plastic strap on his wrist.  Barely seems to feel the pain.

Mike's with Saul, who is meeting with Gomez and Hank, accusing the DEA of harassment for all their surveillance.   He's filing a restraining order.  And when Mike comes back to the office?  The methylamine is gone and Jesse's there with Walter.  Walter has a proposal: "Everybody wins."  WHY DO I KNOW THAT YOU'RE LYING?????????

12 August 2012

Breaking Bad

We open with a kid zipping through the desert on his motorbike.  He finds a giant tarantula and puts it in a jar.  End of teaser.  Okaaayyyy.

Hank's moving into his new office and gets a visit from Walter.  Hank notices his Rolex right off.  Keep being a sloppy showoff, Walter!  Walter starts crying in front of Hank, saying Skyler doesn't love him anymore and thinks he's a bad father.  Hank can't deal with real emotions and leaves to get Walter some coffee.  Which is exactly what the Master Manipulator wanted, because he puts some kind of tap on Hank's computer and a bug in his picture frame. 

The Three Musketeers have Lydia handcuffed to a table in some empty warehouse.  Mike makes her call Hank's office and tell him that she discovered the tracking device on the methylamine.  After she hangs up, the bug in Hank's office tells them that the DEA had nothing to do with it... but the cops did.  So Lydia narrowly avoids execution.  And she knows where they can get "an ocean" of methylamine.  Time for a train robbery!!

Mike thinks there's no choice but to kill the train crew, so as to prevent authorities from being alerted immediately.  And Walter won't let them switch to a pseudo cook because they won't make enough money.  As his parents argue back and forth, Jesse comes up with the real plan.

Todd is let into the inner circle, helping them rig up tanks in the desert to siphon the methylamine from the tanker car while replacing it with water.  Bill Burr helps out by flagging down the train, pretending to be a motorist stranded on the tracks.  This is bold as shit, them doing it in the daytime, plus it takes a while.  It's tense as shit.  Also -- 10 bucks says that tarantula kid is going to be a witness and will have to be killed.  Goddammit.

Bill Burr's truck is cleared off of the tracks faster than anyone wants it to be, but Walter waits til the last possible second to stop his siphoning operation so he can be as precise as possible.  Jesse has to lie under the train as it starts moving, and Todd has to jump off.  Jesus Christ.  I was quite literally biting my fingers.  Jesse celebrates their success with his customary, "Yeah bitch!"  And then we hear the dirtbike.  And the kid waves at them.  And this cannot stand.  Todd is the one to grab a gun and shoot the kid in the face.  Holy shit.  I actually called that it would be him and not Walter.  Something about that kid.  He's solidifying his place among the crew.  This will be interesting.

07 August 2012

The Bourne Legacy

Look, kids, we all know I can't be objective here.  I've been eagerly awaiting The Bourne Legacy forever now and I have what is legally referred to as a "hard-on" for Jeremy Renner.  The man could do anything - especially with gun in hand - and I'd be happy.  So I'm happy with The Bourne Legacy (which I got to see at an early screening - the third one this summer courtesy of Ain't It Cool News). 

But I'm also not going to lie and say it was the most ~*~amazing~*~ movie ever.  It's not perfect.  For one, it takes far too long to get to the Rennery goodness.  I love Ed Norton.  But get off the screen already, Ed Norton.  The set-up takes far too long.  It's kind of odd how there are 2 different movies going on -- Ed Norton and the Top Secret Government People tracking Renner and then Renner out doing his stuff.  And they don't ever really feel connected.  So that sucks.  More Norton and Renner together please!

Another thing that probably taints (heh) my view on this movie a little - I've watched the trailer 1,471 times.  And it contains the whole movie.  So I felt like I'd seen all the action scenes, all the fights already.  But let me tell you -- the motorcycle chase through Manila?  Greatest thing ever put on film.  At least the greatest motorcycle chase ever.  Rachel Weisz is the bomb too, I always love her.  She has my blessing.

I am looking forward to seeing this movie with Mike so he can shoot holes in all of the science - chems, viruses, I doubt any of that made any sense.  But when my little man starts kicking ass, I don't really care.  The man is an athlete and I love him.

05 August 2012

Breaking Bad

The Aztec is back, baby!!!!  That thing just won't die.  And Walter must have amazing insurance.  The Heisenberg hat is inside too.  Walt sells the car to the body shop for $50 and gets himself a shiny black pimpmobile, and gets Walt Jr. a red Challenger.  Jesus Christ.  He makes me so mad.  Last week he was so concerned about his money.  Keep showing off money you're not supposed to have.  Idiot.  Skyler wants to send Junior to boarding school, to get him out of this hell they live in.

Walt's all, it's smooth sailing from here on out, there's nothing to be afraid of.  "Life is good."  Dummy.  He wants to have himself a birthday party.  (So we're a year out from where the series started now.  Eventful year.  Also a year away from the first teaser from this season.)

Hank and Gomez come to Madrigal to talk to Lydia.  She gives up a foreman they're looking for, and then screams into a pillow.  This bitch is real crazy; she put on 2 different shoes this morning.  The poor nervous wreck.  The DEA's putting surveillance on Mike, and have discovered the blue meth back on the streets.  Hank is invited to put in an application for his former boss's position, but he'd have to give up all investigations, including Fring.

Walter comes home from work expecting a birthday party he doesn't get.  Ha!  Ass.  He just gets Marie and Hank over for dinner.  On the drive over, Marie tells Hank about Skyler and Ted because of course she can't keep her mouth shut. Lots of painfully awkward silences at dinner.  Just douchechills.  Skyler gets up while Walt is talking and stands behind him at the pool.  The whole time he's talking I am sure she's going to throw herself to the bottom.  Sure enough, she eventually walks into the pool and stays under until Walt jumps in and pulls her out.  Happy birthday, asshole.

With the foreman/chemical delivery guy out of commission, Jesse comes to Lydia's warehouse to get the methalmine. When he's taking the barrel down off the shelf, Lydia's OCD ass sees something on the bottom - a GPS tracker stuck to it.  It's the barrel that she removed from inventory, so it's the only barrel they can have.

Ten bucks says Walter puts Skyler in an institution and gets her electroshock therapy, Homeland-style.  He can't have an unstable wife threatening his whole operation.  Bitch has to go.  Marie and Hank offer (at Skyler's suggestion) to take the kids for a couple days so Walter and Skyler can "work things out."  Skyler actually stands up for herself against Walt, saying he'll never have the kids back in the house. "What are you going to do to stop it?" he asks. And he indeed threatens to have her committed, then she counters with a threat to claim spousal abuse.  She doesn't have a long-term solution, and he refuses to let her win.  She says she'll just wait -- for the cancer to come back and kill him.  For the first time EVER, I'll all TEAM SKYLER, BITCH!  Great scene.

So now we have the methalmine problem to deal with.   Mike's suspicious about the tracker -- sloppy police work, and did any other barrels have the tracker on them?  He thinks it was Lydia's ass, so she could get out of the business.  Mike says he'll take his business elsewhere indeed -- after he leaves her alone in a ditch.  Jesse doesn't want her killed, and Walter vetoes Mike decision because they need to keep the methalmine flowing, can't afford to slow production.

Poor, misguided Jesse gets Walter a Rolex for his birthday.  Walter just doesn't deserve him.  He comes home and shows the watch to Skyler, saying it was a present from someone who wanted him dead too not so long ago.  So now because Jesse is sweet and naive and dumb enough to change his mind about Walt, she's supposed to?  Screw you, Walter White!!!  He officially makes my skin crawl.

Next week, the guys have to pull a freaking heist to get methalmine????  This isn't The Town!!!  They aren't made for this!

Total Recall

I didn't expect Total Recall to change the world.  I just wanted some entertainment.  And I got it.  Full disclosure: I've never seen the original movie and I certainly haven't read the story on which it's based.  So I couldn't tell you dick about how they compare.

It's one of those cool, dumb action movies, where it's always dark and rainy and people walk around without umbrellas.  And there's a metric ton of bloodless gun fights, and panes of glass shatter every 15 seconds.  And then there's the story which, I don't know, is confusing as hell, but thinks it's intellectual. 

Also, there's Bryan Cranston.  Now I had already seen a review that said he was in it for 5 minutes, so I knew not to expect much.  Cuz, yeah, he's in it for like 4 1/2 minutes.  But he owns every one of those 270 seconds.  I really do wish we'd seen more of him.  He rules, plain and simple.  But we do also get 2 of the most gorgeous women on the planet - Jessica Biel and Kate Beckinsale.  With their athleticism and long, wavy brown locks - what's not to love?  When Colin Farrell is the 4th reason to see a movie, you know it's stacked with goodness.

It won't be a complete waste of your time, I promise.  If it's storming like it was here today, or hot as hell like it also was here today, you've already seen The Dark Knight Rises twice, and the Olympics are currently offering female weight lifting, there are worse things to watch.

29 July 2012

Breaking Bad

Every week, I watch the previous week's episode before the new one.  And let me just say -- Jonathan Banks is the effing man.  He owned last week.  Mike rules, he rules, I love him so much.  Don't die.

Mike visits the laundry manager in prison.  He's undercover as a "paralegal" for the guy's attorney.  Mike cleans up well, looks good in a suit.  They visit everyone else who was on the list; Mike's planning to take some of his cut to pay these guys to shut up.

Saul's not happy about a fourth amigo being allowed in to their operation.  Mike's threatened him in the past.  Walter: "He probably threatened somebody before breakfast this morning.  It's what he does."  Saul has found them a box factory to work in, but Walter deems it too humid.  So let's try a tortilla factory.  Nope - unannounced government inspections in the food industry.  Laser tag is out too.  Pest control warehouse?  Nope, but it gives Walter an idea.

They're going to work out of the houses that are shut down and tented while undergoing a fumigation.  Brilliant!  Going mobile!  And the pest control team they're working with are good people -- burglars.

Skinny Pete is a master pianist (!) and he and Badger are shopping in a music store -- for roadie boxes.  What better to use to transport a mobile meth lab?  The boys want in on the business with Jesse, but Disapproving Grandpa Mike ain't gonna have that.  Mike breaks the rules down to the pest control crew (Vamonos Pest) in hilarious fashion - no stealing from the houses, call Walter and Jesse "Yes sir and no sir," and if they tell you to jump, DO IT.

I need a Vamonos Pest jumpsuit and I need one IMMEDIATELY!!!!!  Jesse and Walter wear them well, and get to work on their first cook, done in cramped quarters, much more like the RV - a tented room within the tented house.  But during their downtime they get to enjoy some beers and Three Stooges on the family's couch.  And some unsolicited advice from Walter to Jesse -- maybe he should tell Andrea everything, because honesty is the best policy.  What's he up to?

Skyler loses it at Marie - seriously, shouts, "Shut up!" about 47 times at her - so now Marie's wondering what's going on with the Whites.  Walter explains it away as Skyler being freaked out about Ted's accident, making sure to let Marie know that Skyler was having an affair with Ted.  Walter is a master manipulator with everyone, cuz now Marie feels bad for him.  "I don't want you to think less of her."  What a jackass.

After paying everyone involved in the business, the guys net $137,000 each.  Of course that's not enough for Walter - he has to nitpick over what Mike pays the mules who transport the drugs, and he doesn't want to contribute to the cost of paying off Gus's guys to keep them happy.  He's making less than he did when he worked for Gus.  His greed isn't going to end in good things.

Jesse broke up with Andrea - so that's what Walter was going for, guilting him out of the relationship.  That's great.  The one thing going right in Jesse's life was her and that kid.  Then Walter throws in a dig about Victor maybe getting his throat cut because he "flew too close to the sun" -- which I took as a subtle threat to Jesse, not to mention an uber-passive-aggressive threat behind Mike's back.  Know your place, kid.  Screw you, Walter, as always.

Yep, It Was Awesome

The Dark Knight Rises is even better in IMAX, of course.  And yep, I still love it.  Kind of love how it completes the trilogy and still gives the possibility of more.  Still love Anne Hathaway, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and good-guy Gary Oldman.  It did make me want to see The Avengers again, though.  That movie still wins the crowd-pleasing audience award, only because there's not much dark about it.  There's not much in the way of knee-slapping in TDKR.

So I think I'll watch The Avengers now (I have it with some foreign (Russian?) subtitles, but couldn't care less).  On a related note, I'm 95% sure I'm giving up on So You Think You Can Dance.  And I'm pretty sure there's a new Project Runway season, yet I have no desire to watch that either.  When you don't watch a show for a few days and don't miss it and pretty much dread starting it, that means it's OK to abandon it.  And I find myself thinking I'd rather do a Massive Fringe Rewatch v. watching new SYTYCD.  It can be so and it will be so!

Long story short, Breaking Bad has ruined all other TV for me.

22 July 2012

Breaking Bad

We open in an industrial kitchen in Germany where they're taste-testing different sauce formulations - honey mustard, "Franch" (French + Ranch), things like that.  We are, of course, at Madrigal Electromotive, home of lots of fast food chains.  Sadly, the Los Pollos Hermanos sign is coming down.  Police come to meet with the head guy, but he decides to electrocute himself in the bathroom rather than meet with them.

Jesse is hella bothered with thoughts of where that ricin cigarette went.  Walter makes a dummy ricin cigarette out of salt, stashes the real one behind a light-switch (OF COURSE HE DIDN'T FLUSH IT), and goes over to Jesse's house to help him search.  Walt plants the dummy cig in the Roomba.  Poor Jesse breaks down because he almost killed Walter over this thing.  Oh god, now Jesse can be even further tortured with unnecessary guilt.  NOOOOOOOOOOO!  Eff you, Walter, I will never forgive you for what you've done to this boy.

Mike's at home having an Ensure and a beer.  OMG I love him more every day.  Walt and Jesse come over to convince him to partner up and get back to cooking.  The market demands it.  Mike wants no part of it, so the boys are going to press on without him.

The Germans come to talk to the DEA.  Hank's boss is taking the fall for the screwup with Fring's investigation, and is soon to go into forced retirement.

Mike meets with a woman named Lydia in his diner, and the woman's very conspicuous in her desperation to remain inconspicuous.  And scared.  She wants to know who killed Gus, and gives Mike a list of 11 names of people who could do them both in regarding their connection to Gus.  Mike refuses to kill any of the guys, because he vetted them and he knows they won't say anything.  Besides, killing 11 guys would be a little obvious.

Mike comes down to the DEA to be interviewed by Hank and Gomez.  He officially worked Corporate Security for Los Pollos Hermanos.  We find out Mike was a cop in Philadelphia whose tenure as a cop ended dramatically.   And Mike answers all the questions in typical Mike fashion.  The DEA found an account with $2 million in the name of Mike's granddaughter.  They want Mike to turn on everyone else in the operation.  Guess how that works out.  Mike pleads ignorance, but you can see he's pissed.

Jesse and Walter meet with Saul to make their business plans.  Walter rules out RVs and refuses to do a pseudo cook when Jesse can't find methylamine.  Saul wants them to quit while they're ahead, but of course Walter's not ahead anymore.  He still needs the cash.

One of Mike's 11 guys, Chow, calls Mike and says he's ready to flip because he needs money and needs to meet.  He says this because another guy named Chris has a gun to his head.  Mike goes to the house.  Mike's not stupid.  He gets the drop on the guy.  Chris was being paid by Lydia to knock everyone off, and got Chow.  Mike kills Chris, and seems sad that his guys aren't as strong as he thought they'd be under pressure.

Mike heads to Lydia's large, impressive house and holds a gun to her head.  But he doesn't kill her -- he wants to know if she can still get her hands on methylamine.  Maybe.  Mike calls Walter and tells him he's in.

Back at the White House, Skyler just lies in bed all day, depressed and scared I suppose.  Walter is creepy as hell trying to assure her that it gets better and since they're doing it for family, they're in the right, and everything will be awesome.


So You Think You Can Dance

So many hours of this show to catch up on....

Episode 1

1. Witney and Chehon - Samba by Louis Van Amstel.  It was her style and not his, and you could tell.  Boring.
2. Tiffany and George - Contemporary by Sonya Tayeh.  She's really bendy and in shape.  They make a nice pair.
3. Janaya and Brandon - Lyrical Hip Hop by Tabitha and Napoleon.  Tabitha's hella pregnant. Awwwww.  They were pretty good, but I find myself tiring of the usual Nappy Tabs choreography.  And that's sad.
4. Alexa and Daniel - Jazz by Sean Cheesman.  It was a hard routine, and she struggled with keeping up with it.  And he seemed to struggle with lifting her.
5. Amber and Nick - Viennese Waltz by Jason Gilkison.  I was surprised they were a good pair, since he reminds me of a 10-year-old Clay Aiken and Amber looks like a muscular Whitney Houston.
6. Amelia and Will - Hip Hop by Tabitha and Napoleon.  I only liked it because it used a song by The Cure.  The choreography sucked and Amelia isn't the best fit for it.  She pretty much just stuck her ass in the air the whole time.  Is that dancing?
7. Janelle and Dareian - African Jazz by Sean Cheesman.  African Jazz is always a fun, hard routine and they were awesome!
8. Eliana and Cyrus - Broadway by Tyce Diorio.  I was surprised Cyrus actually did really well with the choreography.  Good stuff!
9. Audrey and Matthew - Contemporary by Travis Wall.  Beautiful routine, setting aside the self-serious Titanic theme.
10. Lindsay and Cole - Pasodoble by Jason Gilkison.  Pretty awesome.  It fit him really well because - hello, muscular.  Jesus.

Episode 2

We open with an amazing routine set to a remix of "The Beautiful People."  Gotta love it!  I was shocked to discover it was a Tabitha and Napoleon routine.  Looked like Sonya to me.  Yay!  They've still got it!

So now everyone performs again, we find out who was in the Bottom 3, then they're booted.  Oh that's nice - force them to learn a new routine and dance and then maybe not make it past the night.  And tonight they're booting 2 of each gender.

1. Lindsay and Cole - Hip Hop by Christopher Scott.  Let's set aside the fact that it was dentist-themed.  Weird.  They were good, even if it was a little goofy.
2.  Amelia and Will - Contemporary by Sonya Tayeh. It felt like the longest routine ever, so I guess it didn't enthrall me.
3.  Amber and Nick - Tango by Tango People.  I'll give his twinky ass credit, he doesn't seem to have problems with the lifts.  They were really good.
4. Audrey and Matthew - Jazz by Sonya Tayeh.  Cool routine, it felt too short.
5. Janelle and Dareian - Hip Hop by Christopher Scott, set to "My Girl."  Which was as good as it sounds, which is to say wholesome and blah.
6. Janaya and Brandon - Broadway by Sean Cheesman.  It was a cool routine and they really work well together.  Might be my favorite couple, if I could distinguish between the hundred couples.
7. Eliana and Cyrus - Jive by Tony and Melanie.  The Jive is always a bit awkward, but he did well with it.
8. Alexa and Daniel - Contemporary by Dee Caspary.  In a bathtub.  Set to Yanni.  So weird. Yuck.
9. Tiffany and George - Foxtrot by Tony and Melanie.  Nothing earth shattering.
10. Witney and Chehon - Bollywood by Mr. Bollywood.  It was really good!

Time to thin the herd.

Bottom 3:
Janaya, Witney, and Alexa.  Agree!
Nick, Daniel, and Chehon.  Agree!

The judges don't want to see anyone dance for their lives.  Alrighty then.

Bye-bye: Janaya and Alexa and Nick and Daniel.  It's a shame because Daniel was supposed to be My Dance Boyfriend, but he really wasn't all that good.  And Nick looked like a young Clay Aiken.  Bye, bitches!!!