31 December 2008

Baloney & Cereal Oh-Eight Sillies: TV

Now television I can do. Television can be viewed while you sit disabled on a sofa for 2 months. Thank god for television.

Best TV of 2008

1. Chuck - Because I watch or DVR 4 shows on Monday nights. And this is always the show that I watch last on Tuesday evenings - because it is the one that is guaranteed to be good. And it makes me happy. I can't think of a single character I don't love to pieces.

2. Fringe - I've been rewatching the season on Hulu this week. God it's good. And although the "freaks of the week" and the larger conspiracy are interesting things, it's the characters that really make this show. Mostly Pacey and his father. They are so well played, I just want to hug the TV screen.

3. Pushing Daisies - So sad that this show is canceled. It's another just plain feel-good show. It's witty and wry, with a fairy-tale feel, the dialogue is so smart and quick, and again these characters are fun. Mostly Emerson Cod. Oh how I will miss seeing him every week.

4. 30 Rock - The goddamned funniest show on television. Only this show would make a Lemon Party reference (Google if you must; NSFW). Liz Lemon is the woman I want to be, she's perfect in every way. Alec Baldwin is amazing. Again, just great dialogue and characters.

5. The Office - A goddamned close second. Toby came back. Yay!

6. So You Think You Can Dance - I need to get my leg fixed so that I can dance along when this show returns this summer. It's infectious and has people with real talent (!) and I love it.

7. Heroes - For all of its faults, it's still a fun show with great characters. I pretty much am committed to drinking the Kool-Aid with this show. I don't over-think, I just go with the flow.

8. Lost - Definitely looking forward to its imminent return. The freighter characters they added this year were actually interesting! And of course it was one hell of a cliffhanger.

Worst TV of 2008

American Idol and Big Brother. Never again.

Baloney & Cereal Oh-Eight Sillies: Movies

I feel like any Top Movies of the Year List I do is woefully inadequate because I've missed so much these past two months. There are a handful of movies that I'm sure are great, but I can't get out to the theater to watch them. So I'll just have to make do with the ones I did see. In order to make it 8 for oh-eight, I'll do Top Five and Bottom Three.

Best Movies of 2008

1. Iron Man - I'm actually putting this movie ahead of the next, though it was very close. Robert Downey, Jr. is so amazing, he grounds the movie in such realism that you totally buy everything that happens. Love it.

2. The Dark Knight - This ended up in second place because of glaring flaws that couldn't be overlooked. The who-will-blow-up-the-other-boat scene -- it just rings false to me and bothers me more the more I watch it. Christian Bale's gravelly, unnecessary whisper. But those are small things when considering the big picture - and the Joker, Two-Face, and Commissioner Gordon.

3. Tropic Thunder - Hilarious. And for as good as Robert Downey, Jr. is (once again), it's Jack Black who steals the movie. And dammit, if it isn't the only Tom Cruise movie I have ever or will ever like!

4. Burn After Reading - Funny, quirky, a great return to Fargo form for the Coen Brothers. Brad Pitt and George Clooney are hysterical, the situations and characters are absurd, and it had me laughing even hours later.

5. Step-Brothers - Apparently, I really kept things light this year. All of the serious dramas come out at the end of the year, so maybe that's why I didn't see many. This movie is hilarious and destined to be a comedy classic, and I really just have one word to say: balls.

Worst Movies of 2008

1. The Happening - No words for how disappointing this was. Ridiculous, pointless -- oh look, I found two words!

2. Semi-Pro - Again, a disappointment. Whereas Step-Brothers is a classic Will Ferrell film, this one is just plain unfunny.

3. Max Payne - Disappointed yet again! Damn these marketing folks for making movies look good with their fancy trailers, music, guns, and biceps. Boring and dull.

29 December 2008

Up Yours, Life!!

I'm going to the game! I'm renting a wheelchair and going to the game!

Now I need purple tinsel for my RoboLeg....

28 December 2008

The Biggest Dagger in the History of Daggers

GO RAVENS! I mean seriously. The Ravens made the playoffs! Awesome! Tony Romo was practically crying because the Eagles handed him his ass! Awesome!

Next week: the Ravens play in Miami. NOT AWESOME!!! I'm disabled!!! I can't go!!! Do they have handicapped tickets!?

25 December 2008


Be sure to vote for your favorite Christmas movie in my poll! These are your only choices. They're all classics as far as I'm concerned.

The Ref: 2
Home Alone: 1
Christmas Vacation: 7
Elf: 3

Well, there's no accounting for taste. You're wrong. The correct answer is The Ref.

Merry Christmas From Florida

Where Mike had to do most of the cooking, but I totally helped.

And RoboLeg got in the holiday spirit.

Menu: Mimosas, Ham with pineapple chutney, Cranberry goat cheese parcels, Mini vegetable and cheese frittatas, Grilled vegetable salad, and Cinnamon rolls.


22 December 2008

Prison Break

While Mondays usually mean 4 shows being taped or watched, tonight there was only one. And unfortunately it has to be Prison Break.

Linc, Gretchen, T-Bag, and Michael Rapaport are in Miami to try to get the computer card that can save the world or whatever. Mahone pops by to join in for some reason too. There is much scheming and secretive meeting, and Gretchen gets shot.

Michael is being held in a house and is told that his mother is alive (no one on this show ever stays dead) and working for The Company. The Company wants him to work for them, and is like brainwashing him and chemically lobotomizing him or something. But Michael rigs some nonsense and escapes. He does a LOT of running for someone who just had brain surgery yet shows no outward signs. Sara shows up and grabs Michael, after the Bald Bad Dude's daughter told her where he was.

I thought Kathleen Quinlan was a real actress. What's she doing on this show playing Michael's mother? Michael's mother who appears to be behind all this computer chip stealing business.

Only 6 more episodes left (maybe forever), and it's not back til the Spring.

21 December 2008

I Think This Says It All


20 December 2008

Birthday FAIL

I went to Chick-Fil-A for my birthday lunch (birthday's tomorrow, but they're closed on Sundays) so I could have some waffle fries and a peppermint chocolate milkshake.

No peppermint chocolate milkshakes.


Thankfully, the No. 2 Seed, Arby's, had a mint chocolate shake. Which was good, even if it was an unnatural shade of green.

F. U. Chick-Fil-A. F. U.

(Also, since where is there that second "c" in the name? I had no idea.)

16 December 2008

Prison Break

Denise Crosby's operating on Michael Scofield. And she looks Old. As. Balls.

He has convenient flashbacks and a visit from dead Westmoreland during surgery. Thanks for reminding me how good this show used to be. Oh to have Season 1 and Fox River back!!

Michael survives the surgery, though during it he was injected with something weird which I'm sure will come into play at some point.

Lincoln uses pliers to pull out T-Bag's teeth until he tells him where Gretchen is. Christ, Lincoln, YOU ROCK! Linc and Sucre head to the exchange point where Gretchen and Michael Rapaport await the buyer. The buyer steals Scylla after a shootout where everyone is a horrible shot despite most of them being trained government agents.

Mahone escapes his transport and runs through the woods. Agent Lang lets him escape. Of course she does. True love forever!

Speaking of true love, Sucre drops out of the Gang. Adios, Papi, don't go away forever por favor!

Also, Scylla apparently holds the secrets to harnessing solar energy. I'm not kidding. Like, at all.

Merry Christmas From Me

Don't say I never gave you anything.

Zach Galifianakis is my hero. Here are 3 short episodes of his timeless interview series, Between Two Ferns.

Michael Cera

Jimmy Kimmel

and finally John Hamm, who is my newest comic hero. And the last minute or so is PRICELESS!!

15 December 2008


Mohinder decides to try to save his scaly ass by injecting himself - again! - with the formula. He's interrupted by Knox and Flint who start trashing the lab, with Peter joining in on the fun. And Daphne also speeds in to steal the formula. Which Ando decides to inject into himself to get powers. Enough with the self-medicating!

Ando doesn't get the hoped-for power of time travel, but rather some red lightning that acts as a power super-charger. Which somehow allows him to take Daphne back through time to save Hiro and bring him back to the present.

Sylar traps Meredith, Angela, Bennet, and Claire at Primatech. Bennet unleashes some bad guys in order to catch Sylar. Instead, Sylar kills them all, plus makes Meredith lose control of her fire ability and traps Bennet in a room with her. Claire throws herself through the glass and saves Daddy. R.I.P. Mommy, who ends up dying in her own flames, as Primatech burns to the ground.

R.I.P. Knox, whom Tracy freezes as he's fighting Nathan. In the midst of destroying the lab, Peter injects himself with the formula, gets his powers back, and flies Nathan out of there before it explodes. R.I.P. Flint?

Claire stabs Sylar in the back of the neck, in the spot that is guaranteed to kill him. But we all know he's not dead.

And so ends Volume Three. At the start of Volume Four, Worf is President and agrees to help Nathan hunt down the Heroes.

Tune in come February, when the show tries to save itself. I gotta say, "Fugitives" looks pretty cool.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Sarah travels to a UFO Convention and meets up with a dude posing as a chick that Mike totally called was a dude. Mike knows his trannies. The Man Lady claims to have parts of a UFO, which Sarah thinks are really Terminator parts I guess. Sarah sees one of the UFOs. I don't know what's happening here.

We find out who John's little girlfriend Riley really is. Or will be, I guess, since she's from The Future. She came through to the Present with David Silver's Aussie girlfriend. Her mission: to keep John away from "her". That's vague.

I know this show isn't called The David Silver Chronicles, but COME ON!!!

Robot Leg Serves Purpose

Who does RoboLeg work for?

Wolverine Trailer

The tag line for this movie should be "Witness the biceps" not "Witness the origin." Cuz for real - the man's arms are criminal. I actually think we saw better footage at Comic-Con, but the trailer's still pretty good.

13 December 2008

B&C Duh of the Week

I was off the internet for 2 days due to Vicodin-induced vision problems. And come back to 410 items in my Google Reader. Of those, only 2 things stood out to me.

1. Tara Reid is in rehab, her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

No S Sherlock.

2. ET breaks news that Private Practice star Kate Walsh's husband Alex Young has filed for divorce from the actress. ET was first to obtain the divorce filing.

Reps for the pair tell ET, "Papers have been filed to amicably end the marriage of executive Alex Young and actress Kate Walsh. The couple remain on friendly terms and sincerely hope the media will respect their privacy during this difficult time."

In divorce papers, Young cites irreconcilable differences as the reason for the split. The date of separation is listed as November 22, 2008, just before the Thanksgiving holiday.

Kate and Alex have been married since September of 2007. The couple got engaged in May 2007 after a whirlwind courtship.

This filled me with joy. JOY! 1. I hate this bitch. 2. I hated her bragging about how awesome her relationship was and how it was such a whirlwind romance. 3. I love that it was her husband who filed against her. 4. I hope she dies alone.

Yeah, I hate Kate Walsh for no particular reason at all.

09 December 2008

Prison Break

Linc totally pwns Michael Rapaport. Rapaport's all, It wasn't personal, it's business, come on, I'll let you meet the buyer.

T Bag doesn't kill a bible salesman, even though he thinks he's a Company agent. It was a crazy tense scene where he was going to kill him, it was awesome. And then he ended up being a Company agent after all, and pwned T Bag. That was cool.

Michael uses hair spray, a lighter, pipes, and duct tape to make a gun. I'm not kidding. It shoots tear gas canisters.

There was loads of punching and shooting, as The Gang tried to doublecross Rapaport and The Company caught up with them as well. And then there were the nosebleeds, as Michael's tumor caught up with him. He passes out and The Company picks him up.

Mahone meets with his old friend Kickass Agent Lang. He needs her to get him access to the Attorney General. But she ends up betraying him and having him locked back up. DAGGER MAHONE!!!!

Lincoln shows up at The Company to get his brother back. They say they will operate on his tumor in exchange for the computer chip thingy. The General gives Lincoln a file labeled "Tombstone II" - a sequel to the movie, perhaps?

Terminator: Salvation Trailer

Sure, it's half-ass quality. Sure, it has Japanese subtitles. I'LL TAKE WHAT I CAN GET! Especially since I can't hit the theater this weekend to see this trailer (or the Wolverine trailer).


08 December 2008


In their little trip to the past, Hiro and Claire discover that Hiro's mother had the ability to heal others. And Claire decides to prevent the Company from making Baby Claire the Catalyst.

Hiro has a sweet reunion with his dying mother, and she heals his amnesia. Claire also hangs out with her mom in the past, and even changes her own diaper. Now that's effing creepy. In the end, Hiro ends up being the Catalyst. Until Arthur pops in and steals it from him, along with his power, leaving him stranded in the past, literally clinging to a flagpole.

Elle is really dead. I was holding out hope that she wasn't, but nope - she's dead - and Sylar sets fire to her body on the beach. Where'd he get the convenient lighter fluid? Maybe it's one of his powers. Or the kind of thing that washes up on the beaches in California. Working off of Elle's cell phone, Sylar tracks down a chick who is a human lie detector, and slices her head open. Back to the old Sylar!

Nathan has decided to take over Pineheart from Papa, and they are working with the Department of Defense to make superpowered soldiers. Nothing can go wrong with that, right?

Arthur transfers The Catalyst into the formula and now they have some delicious red superpowered Kool-Aid. One of the soldiers is injected and becomes superstrong.

Angela orders Peter to kill his father. He shoots him right through the head. But Sylar comes in and stops the bullet. He asks Arthur if he's really his father. Human Lie Detector says no. Bullet - reactivated. R.I.P. Arthur Petrelli and your kickass Chicago accent. Thanks for the Kool-Aid.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

At the start of the episode, Sarah sends David Silver to help a muy pregnant woman who has been shot. And then we get a flashback to 6 months ago when Sarah and Cameron saved the woman and her family from the Terminators. In turn, David Silver has a flashforward to the teenaged daughter being a doctor who saves his life in the future.

So the episode goes back and forth between past, present, and future. This show tends to do that kind of unusual storytelling a lot - and it's effective. I really like when the show goes into the future because David Silver is a badass and the end of the world is cool and destruction is kickass.

The woman dies giving birth. The baby ends up being a girl David Silver meets in the future who has an immunity to a virus and saves mankind or some such (in partnership with her doctor sister).

You know what this episode wasn't missing? John Connor. Which is to say, he wasn't in the episode at all, but I didn't miss him.

07 December 2008

B&C Impressions of the Week

Mike loves to make fun of me on a daily basis. He always starts by imitating me walking through Walgreens after the midnight emergency room visit.

And this is how he claims I walk now. Sure, it's easier now, but I'm not THAT good now!

Best Song Ever?

05 December 2008

OJ Sentenced


This is the perfect time to bring out one of my favorite holiday pictures.


My Pathetic Existence

Also, it should be illegal for Godiva to send a freaking catalog to the home of a sofa-ridden person. I'm suing.


No, I don't read Martha Stewart's blog. I just ended up on it somehow.


More pics here

02 December 2008


Freak of the Week: Bank robbers rig a contraption that allows them to walk through walls to get into the safety deposit box room. One of them gets stuck in the wall on the way back out. Oops.

Turns out Olivia knows the dude killed in the wall. Or really, her Dead Boyfriend's memories know him. Their memories are combining in her head. Nice.

Turns out the safety deposit boxes they've been stealing were rented by Walter over 20 years ago. He just can't remember what was in them or why he rented them. I LOVE WHEN WALTER'S ALL CONFUDDLED AND THEN DRUGGED UP!!!

Turns out what they were stealing were pieces of a teleportation machine that Walter built. Yes, a teleportation machine. Once it's assembled, the robbers use it to teleport that German prisoner dude from a couple weeks back. It works! They move him from the German prison to a field near Boston. And they kidnap Olivia.


Prison Break

In tonight's episode, Michael Rapaport double-crossed The Gang and now they're pissed.

I love that Gretchen always has perfect red lips and perfect red nails. Makes her even more badass.

I love that The Feds always wear suits. Undercover sneak attacks be damned. The Feds capture Linc and end up offering The Gang a deal. Another effing deal. Homeland Security determined they're telling the truth, and that Rapaport screwed them. But they need them to testify against him.

Meanwhile, Rapaport forces Gretchen to work with him to try to sell The Computer Chip of Awesomeness. But he can't sell it - because it's not complete. Michael took a piece of it off before he turned it over.

So Michael shows up to the warehouse where they're holding Linc to strike their deal. But it's another double-cross. Or something. I can't keep track - maybe it's a quadruple-cross? Cuz The Homeland Security Dude goes to shoot The Brothers, but then Another Dude shoots That Dude to take The Brothers to the Bald Bad Dude. But Sucre busts in and then Lincoln shoots That Other Dude.

This show stinks.

01 December 2008


This Daphne-on-crutches stuff was funny last week. But now I just get another show tonight featuring a crippled person. Mike calls me Daphne now. Daphne, Jimmy from South Park ("What a great audience"), and Tiny Tim.

Claire's rushed to the hospital suffering a huge infection because she's never been sick before and her body can't fight the infection. Claire looks like ass. She goes into cardiac arrest and they freaking cut her chest open - drastic, no? And suddenly makes me even more wary of my impending surgery. The funniest part is where her mother is just watching from the window. Um. Her chest and guts are all open and all over the place, and she's watching relatively calmly? Ew.

Gabriel and Elle did it. Right there, in the house, on the bare floor. She's the mother of Little Noah, right? But then Bennet busts up the afterglow with his bigass gun. Mood killer. But I guess it's nice he let them finish.

Elle gets shot and Gabriel patches her up and sends her off so he can face Bennet alone. They have a monster fist fight, then Bennet slashes Gabriel's throat open.

The Petrellis break up a child sex slavery ring in Haiti. No really. Peter's really good with a freaking hugeass gun -- for a nurse.

But oh look - that nasty eclipse clears up just in time for everyone to get their powers back and for Claire and Gabriel to recover. How terribly convenient. But this also means Mohinder's scales are growing back. Sad horns.

Gabriel and Elle show up at the Bennet house, a little pissed. Bennet says Gabriel's not really a Petrelli, but Gabriel doesn't want to hear it and starts to return the slit-throat favor. Hiro shows up suddenly and teleports Gabriel, Elle, and Claire away. It looks like Sylar's back and killing Elle on a beach.

Then my DVR cuts off. Effer. I'll see if I missed anything on Hulu tomorrow.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

This week's episode featured a guy in a wheelchair. This show is taunting me now, right?

Cameron sees a Terminator model in a picture from the 1920's. Luckily there is also plenty of 1920's news footage about the guy. So we get loads of flashbacks, and all this information that comes from the library like it's a GD police station or something.

All this leads Cameron to figure out that the 1920's Terminator has holed himself up into a wall, where he plans to assassinate the Governor in 2010. So she kills him. I really didn't follow how she noodled that one through. I guess that's what makes her a Terminator.

This was the lamest plot contrivance B.S. ever. And BORING! WHERE IS DAVID SILVER!? THERE WAS NO DAVID SILVER!!! Hell, there was no Sarah. And all John did was make out with Riley a little. I don't think he even touched boob.