27 November 2011

Top Chef: Texas

Quickfire Challenge: Create a dish highlighting a chili pepper.  The hotter the pepper you choose, the more money you could win.  But you could also burn your judges' tongues off.  The Asian dude goes for the hottest pepper and wins $20,000 for it.

Elimination Challenge: It's a Chili Cookoff, bitches!  It's a team challenge -- and they can cook all night at their house.  Cooking at the house means fighting over cooking surfaces and pans.  It also means some people get to kick it in the pool while their meat braises.

There's a lot of good-looking, different chilis - one with corn/avocado salsa, one made with braised brisket and short ribs.  

Winners: Chuy, Sarah, and Chris.

Losers: Beverly, Nyesha, and Richie.  They get the opportunity to - individually - turn that chili around and make it into something good in 30 minutes.  Tragically, Beverly is successful.

Bye-bye: Richie.  Awww, how sad.  I liked him.  But he has awful facial hair.  So it's not a total loss.

18 November 2011


Freak of the Week: Man is attacked by an invisible force that turns him into an albino.  A dead albino.  This invisible man uses his victims' pigment to become visible, then fades to invisible again.  I'm thinking that if he wants to make it more permanent, he should be killing a few black people.  Even just Broyles might do it.  Just sayin'.

Olivia's getting migraines and is on some kind of medication.  She and Lincoln engage in some late-night-diner bonding.  Meanwhile, Broyles has assigned a bodyguard/nanny to Peter - and Peter gets to live in his old house and gets a $200/week allowance!  Peter's working on his machine so he can get his sweet ass back to where it belongs.  He wants his Olivia back.

As a child, the invisible guy was a subject of genetic testing (done by a subsidiary of Massive Dynamic) that essentially turned him into a giant chameleon.   Walter does some experiments and makes himself an invisible mouse, determining that it's visible under ultraviolet light. They hunt the dude down and he dies - that's pretty much the long and short of his story.  It was about an invisible guy who just wanted to be seen.

In related news, Olivia thinks her childhood drug trials led to her having stunted emotions.  She thinks it's weird that Fringe-y things don't bother her like they probably should.

Olivia is prepping for a 3 AM date with Lincoln when a gas fills her apartment, knocking her out.  Men enter and do some kind of procedure (taking something, injecting her with something, I'm not sure)... and Nina is with them.  Nina's bad!

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: He eats onion rings during a remote autopsy.  Double dipped in beer batter, I think he said.  Mmmm.

This Week's Code: DAVID.  Who the eff is David!?

The show doesn't come back until mid-January some time, but when it does, it's time for Peter to cross over to the Other Universe to look for some answers.  The return of Alternate Lincoln Lee!!  YES!

17 November 2011

Top Chef: Texas Times Two

We resume the Qualifying Challenge with Group 3, which includes a chef from Sra. Martinez, one of my favorite restaurants.  The chefs choose a plate that has one (very tame) ingredient and one hidden (and likely gross) ingredient.  But the hidden ingredient isn't an ingredient at all - it's a timer.  They have to execute what they've chosen within their allotted time which, of course, isn't as long as they wanted.

Making it to the competition from this group:  Cute Asian Dude, Blonde Pixie, and Overachieving Type-A Asian Chick.

Now it's time for the 500th Qualifying Challenge of a competition that hasn't even officially started yet.  The "on the bubble" people get to cook whatever the hell they want.  There's a lot of seafood in that joint.

Making it to the competition from this group: The Only Asian Guy In Kentucky and The Plus-Sized Model I'm In Love With.

Time for the next episode.

Quickfire Challenge: Rattlesnake.  Oh good lord.   The Aging Goth Chick (Dakota) wins.  I like her.

Elimination Challenge: In 2 teams, the chefs cook for a QuinceaƱera.  The girl is a surprisingly good little food critic.

You know who's going to be the death of me?  The Overachieving Type-A Asian Chick.  She's like Reese Witherspoon from Election.  On cocaine.  She mentions wanting to prove to her father that a daughter can do just as much as a son.  Daddy issues much?  And she literally went up to the meat department in Whole Foods and was all, "Excuse me, I have the most important dish here, I need assistance."  And she wasn't kidding!  She's going to be annoying as hell, but you know what's going to be awesome?  When she gets smacked back down and loses.  That'll be priceless.

The Former Prisoner made the dreaded mistake of buying frozen, pre-cooked shrimp from the store.  Hello - cook your own shrimp, dummy!  It doesn't take that long!

Bye-bye: Keith, the former prisoner.  Well, that's not a shock.  Though I was hoping they'd keep him around just to be contentious with the other chefs.  Now there's not as much chance of a shivving.  And that's disappointing.

14 November 2011


Freak of the Week:  Weird time displacements.  Like, in the blink of an eye a child goes from a 5-year-old to a baby, or a train appears and disappears.  Similar in appearance to the Universes colliding and overlapping, but with time.

Olivia thinks Peter is involved somehow - he's the ultimate Fringe Event.  Poor Peter - Olivia is cold as ice toward him and Walter wants nothing to do with him.  Walter begrudgingly conducts tests on Peter, but calls him "it".  The whole situation is sad as hell.

Peter experiences time jumps as well, jumping from the lab to a crime scene to the car and then back to the crime scene, rinse, repeat.  I like time displacements -- they're fun!  Not fun for the guy who's causing them though -- a guy who has created a time machine of sorts to give him his Alzheimer's-stricken wife back for 47 minutes at a time.

They track the source of the displacements to the guy's house and Walter builds a device back at the lab so they can get in.  Some of the parts he needs are in his Spider-Man fanny pack.  Of course they are.  I love you, Walter.

Peter dons the kind of device you can only have (and readily accept) on Fringe and saves the day.  In the end, Peter moves into the house that he and Walter shared in the timeline we know, and Peter tells Broyles he thinks he's in the wrong timeline.   

So now our mission: get Peter back to the REAL timeline.  And get there fast, bb!!!!  I like how it has gone from alternative universes to alternate timelines.  But we haven't seen Earth Two in a while.  I miss that Lincoln and Olivia!

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: He makes a bologna sandwich and offers one to Olivia, but not to Peter.  I don't like this version of Fringe where everyone's a dick to Peter!  Poor Peter!  Can't we all just get along?

This Week's Code: LIVING

06 November 2011

Happy Anniversary

Nearly 3 years ago, I wrote this post about hating Phil Simms.  It was simple, yet powerful.  It continues to get comments randomly, including today.  God bless all the Phil Simms haters out there.  It's as true today as it ever was.  (It also features some mighty fine artwork.)

04 November 2011


Eff you, baseball, for taking away Fringe last week, along with found-in-a-lake-naked Pacey.

So we've got Peter being held at the FBI Building because no one knows him, but he seems to know everyone.  And also I guess because he was found in a lake naked.  He'll only talk to Walter, and medical tests show that he could indeed be Walter's son.  Walter figures it must be a third-universe version of Peter.  Peter's just trying to figure out where he belongs and why.

Meanwhile, the transparent Asian shapeshifter is on the hunt for a former Massive Dynamic scientist who worked on cellular replication.  And we find out that Olivia and her sister were essentially raised by Nina after their father died.

Peter gets in on the shapeshifter-hunting since he has experience hacking their memory disks.  Apparently these new shapeshifters can change their DNA to become totally indistinguishable from the real people - you'd never know they were copies until you saw their memory disks.  And Peter was able to track the Asian chick down via her LoJack system.  But she eventually gets away.  Not entirely sure what the whole main plot of this episode is, but it looks like Olivia has taken an interest in Lincoln, and I fully support that.  Also, Olivia had this weird moment at the end where she essentially replayed a moment.  An agent handed her a file, she put it down, and then the same agent handed her the same file.  Seemed like an odd bend in time that really isn't that odd for this show.

And in the end, we get a reallllly sweet moment between Walter and Peter.  Awwwww, my boys are back together... even if it was only for a moment.  It ended with Walter saying Peter wasn't his son, that he was there to tempt him.

The Asian shapeshifter tries the serum the scientist made, which I guess stabilizes their appearance.  She gets out an even-more-kickass-than-the-old-one Other-Universe Typewriter Communicator, and types in that the serum works.  The response?  "We're sending the others."

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: He's whipping up custard (Peter's favorite dessert) in the lab.

This Week's Code: STILL.

Top Chef: Texas

They're starting out with like 29 contestants, so this is the episode where it gets narrowed down to 16.  I automatically want the dude who looks like he just got out of prison - massive neck tattoo and all.  He might shiv someone this season.  Most of these chicks look like the kind of girl who would help Buffalo Bill get a sofa in his van.  Woudja?

Qualifying Challenge: They are divided into 3 groups. 

1.  Prepare a dish using an assigned cut of a pig.  The vegan chef is in this group.  Mmmmm.  Pig.  Tom kicks out one contestant mid-cook because he's bad at butchering.  The vegan dummy can't pour soup without spilling it all over the plates.  AHAHAHA bye, dummy.

Making it to the competition from this group: The Dude Whose Eyes Are Barely Open, a couple Buffalo Bill Victims, The Black Chick, Awful Mohawk and Facial Hair Guy.  My prison inmate doesn't make it!  Oh shit, someone's dead now.

2.  Prepare a dish using the same ingredient.  And the ingredient they choose: rabbit.  In their defense, there was a lot of nasty stuff to choose from.

Making it to the competition from this group: The Plain Girl, The Big Black Guy Who Actually WAS a Prisoner (I like him), Aging Goth Chick, Creepy Tall Bald Guy, GQ Boy, and The Little Mexican Abed.

There are some people on the bubble who need to prove themselves further, including The Chinese Guy From Kentucky.  Aaaaaand the show abruptly ends.  Weird.  So we get Group 3 and the "On the Bubble" people next week?  Just cut to the chase already!

02 November 2011

21 Jump Street

I probably don't want to admit how many times I laughed at the new red band trailer for 21 Jump Street.  So I won't.