28 February 2009


A pop star (Rayna) is performing in a concert when one of her back-up singers is set on fire by pyrotechnics... or the creepy Ginger Kid watching from the audience.

Echo's handler has recovered enough from his arrow wound to get back to work. Rayna's manager hires Echo out to serve as a back-up singer for Rayna, whilst also undercover-protecting her.

Another Active, Sierra, gets sent in as a contest winner who gets to hang out backstage. The Ginger Kid tries to shoot Rayna at another concert. Turns out Rayna's a little nuts, and was communicating with her stalker, and was hoping he'd kill her. In the end, of course Echo ends up catching the bad guy and saving Rayna.

The Russian guy that Agent Helo has been trying to get "Dollhouse" information from is revealed to actually be an Active, Victor. That was cool and unexpected. So he's putting Helo on the wrong track, including getting him shot.

Battlestar Galactica

Yes, what ARE you Kara Thrace? I would certainly like to know. But the answer will not be revealed tonight, if ever.

The first pilot to find an inhabitable planet wins a tube of toothpaste. The last tube of toothpaste in existence. Sometimes I forget that these people don't have luxuries and they basically eat algae all day, right? With all the booze it's easy to forget, but I guess you can make booze from anything.

Anders is in a coma, so Starbuck spends her time drinking, talking with a composer working at the bar piano, and having visions of her dead body.

The Chief visits his Eight (Boomer) in the brig (she is to be executed for treason) and she Cylon-projections for him the little fantasy life she has about them being married. He seems thrilled by the whole thing - house, half-Asian daughter. It's kind of weird and stalkery though, no?

Bitter that Boomer is going to be executed, the Chief attacks a different Eight and switches them out. Tricky man. But Helo shows up to the showers and mistakes Boomer for Athena (goddamn it's hard to keep these Eights straight), and they have sex - while Athena watches from the closet, where Boomer stashed her after she beat her up. Then Boomer picks up Hera the Half-Breed from day care.

Starbuck and Piano Man start playing the Final Five Cylons' Song, which apparently Starbuck's dad wrote when she was a kid, and Hera the Half-Breed drew for her.

Boomer, now impersonating Athena, takes a Raptor and leaves Galactica. Athena busts out of her little prison and lets Helo know he actually banged Boomer, and that Boomer has their kid. But efforts to keep her on the ship don't work, and Boomer launches, with Hera on board. She also jumps while she's too close to Galactica, which damages the ship.

So now the Half-Breed is gone from Galactica. I thought the Chief knew that they were sneaking the kid out, but he didn't realize what was in the big container. Oops. Roslin can feel that Hera is gone, and she passes out.

Only three more left!

27 February 2009

Terminator: The Zzzzzzzzzzzzz

Sarah had bad dreams.

The end.

Well, at the end she did do this cool thing where she bit into her wrist (why? I'm not sure) and broke her thumbs so that she could escape from handcuffs.

I think I understand it now. I need to wish for a David Silver spinoff and just watch that.

26 February 2009


So... the plane has crashed, and Locke's dead body was on it. The non-main-characters are all gathered on the beach, with a "man in a suit who was standing in the water." Locke! He's alive! Yay! Whut?

Flashback: Locke remembers turning the Island Crank and landing in Tunisia, much like Ben had done before. He is taken to some poor excuse for a hospital where they do some poor excuse for un-breaking his leg. Charles Widmore is at his bedside when he wakes up. They recall speaking to each other 4 days ago... when Charles was 17 years old. Charles explained about the Oceanic Six and how Locke has to bring them back to the Island, and gives him all the information he needs to find them.

The Man I Will Always Refer To As Lt. Daniels is Charles's man - sent to escort John and give him whatever he wants. They head to Santo Domingo first - where Sayid is working for a Habitat for Humanity knockoff. Oh Sayid, always such a good guy.

Then it's off to New York, where John meets with Big Walt just to say "hey". And now, since it's 3 years since the plane crash, it's OK that Walt is like 6'8" with a deep voice. Guess what, Walt? You were cuter and a better actor as a kid.

Now off to Santa Rosa to visit Hurley in the Nut Hut. Locke can't convince him, so it's off to try for Kate. Another no. Lt. Daniels is shot and killed along the way by an unknown assassin, and Locke gets in a car crash when he rushes away. He wakes up in a hospital with Jack sitting next to him. He tells him they have to go back to the Island, and Jack wants none of that destiny business. Then he passes on "Your father says Hello." Jack's freaked out, but still claims he won't go back.

Locke starts to hang himself at a motel, but Ben rushes in. Ben is the one who shot Lt. Daniels, supposedly to save Locke. Oh my god it was quite the heartbreaking scene, with Locke saying he's a failure and deserves to die. I love Locke. But Locke is also easily influenced by Ben, and Ben ends up choking him to death after Locke tells him they have to find Eloise Hawking, the old lady. Ben stages it like a suicide and leaves. Dagger.

Back to Present Day: Some people from the plane are missing (The Oceanic Six) and some are hurt - including Ben. "Do you know him?" "Yeah, he's the man who killed me." Boom.

Top Chef

I didn't blog this season of Top Chef because it mostly bored me. I loved Fabio. He cracked me up. I hated Hosea. I didn't watch the finale live, and was good about avoiding my TV blogs today to avoid being spoiled. But I went on People.com and there it was - the winner. Eff. And it was Hosea. EFF! I was hoping for Carla to win, and even though Stefan's a cocky prick, he's a talented cocky prick. I never thought Hosea had that much talent.

KING CAKE! I was just talking up King Cake the other day. Love it so!

I liked that they brought back the previous seasons' runners-up as the sous chefs. When Hosea got Richard, his win suddenly made sense. Richard is AWESOME! Stefan got Marcel (and they deserve each other), and Carla got Casey, who is also great.

Carla didn't really stand by what she wanted to do - she let Casey have too much influence. She used a new method for the beef and tried a souffle and it didn't work out because it wasn't Carla. If she had just trusted her instincts and did the amazing food she's done all along, she would have won. And she knew it. Poor Carla. Broke my heart.

Hosea's meal on the whole was definitely better - Carla and Stefan did cruddy desserts as their last course and that S never works out.

I can't believe Hosea won this thing. I never knew how he got through week to week.

The Real World: Girls Are Pigs

JD tries a Chore List. Those NEVER work. Hasn't he watched this show before?

Jesus, now Ryan wants to be a filmmaker!? Yeah, that 4-week course will help. Ten bucks says his tuition was comped. I love this show because as ADD, all-over-the-place as I am with my life, they're 100 times worse. I think. Maybe. They also have this totally delusional network of people who validate them and encourage them, when they really shouldn't. Baya loves everything everyone does and thinks they're the best at everything. They're not!!

At least Sarah contributes something to society, doing some art therapy at the LGBT center.

JD puts waaaaay too much emphasis on talking. No one wants to talk to you, no one wants to discuss serious issues, stop being such a bitch. Passive-aggressive notes? Don't work either, idiots. Hiding the car keys? That works. And that's good. hahahahahaha Nice one, Scott.

There was the usual bitching back and forth and talking in circles and then suddenly JD slams something onto the glass table and breaks it. And unplugs Devyn's phone and throws it into the water. NOW I'M INTERESTED!! Holy crap!

But then that just kind of died away. No call to the cops? No spitting? No punching? No getting kicked out of the house by the producers? Not interested.

24 February 2009

24: Mole: FAIL

A house illness forced us to postpone our 24 viewing until tonight. And after Heroes pissed me off so badly (and may have been responsible for this illness), I was quite looking forward to it.

Sean's girlfriend is in on the whole Dubaku plan, so we really have two FBI moles. Well, I suppose that's different then, right? Maybe next season we can have identical-twin moles.

Jack and Renee are eventually released by the DC police and resume trying to track Dubaku's girlfriend. Excellent car chase, but Dubaku's driver pwns Jack... until the girlfriend interferes and crashes the car. Women drivers. Jack and Renee pull Dubaku and his GF from the wreckage, but the GF doesn't make it. Great, now Renee's gonna be filled with some raging guilt. Let's hope she hangs herself over it in a few hours.

Of course Jack isn't going to let Dubaku get the proper medical care unless he tells him what he needs to know. With the addition of a threat against Dubaku's son, Dubaku tells him he has a list of the government conspirators working with him. The paramedics detect a metal plate in Dubaku's ribcage, which Jack forces them to cut into, digging out a data drive. Bad guys always like to implant information into their bodies.

Jack has the bloody data drive sent to the FBI. Sean overhears all of this and poops his pants a little. But really he kind of has his S together, because he plans to crash the system with his GF and all will be OK. When did Sean because all smooth and seductive? It's gross.

It's a battle of Chloe v. Sean to see if Sean and his GF can crash the system before Chloe gets the data from the drive. Sean and his GF win, only the GF doesn't win -- because Sean shoots and kills her. I saw that coming. Oh well, death has to be better than banging Sean, right? Sean stages the scene like he's the one who came in and caught the GF, shooting himself in the arm and everything. Psycho.

Chloe pwns. Always. She is able to recover the data after all. When Sean gets wind of this, he tries to flee. And fails. Ahahahaha You're gonna get tortured!!

If you heard a scream of, "OH SHUT UP!" that was me when Renee started in on Jack with her sanctimonious bull. Jack should never be questioned. Never. And he definitely shouldn't be slapped. Renee needs to MAN UP. Collateral damage, Renee, that's all that chick was. Get over it. There's no room for emotions here.

Bill, who now apparently controls the President's every move, asks her to talk to the Senator to get the charges dropped against Jack and cancel that pesky little hearing.

So everything's resolved, right? Jack's sitting peacefully looking at the DC sunset. Then Tony sits down next to him. Missed you, baby. And he tells him that a source told him that Juma - the big bad warlord in Sengala - is planning a major high-value target attack at 7 PM (it's 6 now). And the anti-Jack Senator's Chief of Staff is involved (it's the guy who has been talking to Dubaku and Sean). Tony's already got a tail on him. Tony's all, "Are you in for some mayhem and torture, my man?" OF COURSE JACK IS IN!!!


23 February 2009

Heroes Was Laaaaaame

Bennet is drugged and kidnapped by the Three Musketeers - Peter, Mohinder, and Matt.

Matt gets inside of Bennet's mind and sees how events have unfolded, starting 5 months ago. Angela let him go from the Company - complete with severance and a watch. Nathan came to Bennet months later to discuss the plan to round the Heroes up, and to assure him Claire would be safe. Bennet contacted Mohinder about working with him, but Mohinder claims he said no. Still, the boys are pissed that Mohinder knew about the plan in advance.

The Three Musketeers must all have their periods because they are ULTRA-bitchy. So the guys find out Nathan was behind everything -- but didn't they know that already? And they get access to a storage facility - where Peter goes and finds all kinds of weapons.

In other news, Creepy Hero Hunter Dude is trying to track Bennet down since he's gone missing. With the information they get from Bennet, Peter finds Creepy Dude first. He threatens to kill him, and does shoot him in the arm, but Nathan talks him down.

Creepy Dude's team moves in on Bennet, Mohinder, and Matt. Matt's about to kill Bennet, but Bennet tells him Daphne's really alive and he can tell him where she is. Mohinder is captured, but Matt gets away when Peter flies down and grabs him.

In the end, Bennet meets up with Angela - he's still working for her, as a mole in Nathan's plan. And Matt draws the future - him blowing up DC. I mean, he freaking draws a mural on the floor like Isaac did and everything. That actually pisses me off.

The funniest (not funny-ha-ha) part of this episode is that all of the flashbacks were in black & white. No doubt trying to evoke the memory of "Company Man" from the first season. Nice try. The black & white in this case was hella lame and pointless. I kind of hate the producers for thinking I'm dumb enough to associate the two episodes.

I believe I can say, unequivocally, that this was the worst episode of this show yet.

22 February 2009

I Fully Support This

I don't know why, but I really love Nicole Richie and Joel Madden ever since they had their baby. They have their little foundation, they seem like good parents, Nicole got her life together, I just support it.

Joel made this announcement on his blog:
I am so happy to tell everyone that Harlow is going to be a big sister! God has truly blessed my family. Hope your all feeling as good as i am right now..."

Let's hope they send the kids to better schools than Joel went to so that they learn the proper usage of your/you're. Well, any school's gotta be better than the hurting Waldorf, Maryland school he probably went to.

The Real World: Lame Rat Edition

Kim's theory on this show is that it's "just one big joke this season and they want to see how much boring S people will keep watching." I think she's right! I mean, the main thrust of this episode was the mice in the house. Awesome.

Devyn's an undercover ho for sho. But then she's gonna come down on Himbo for being one? She's semi-engaged to David, but only semi-engaged because THE RING ISN'T BIG ENOUGH!!!! Christ. Then she's got another dude on the side. David's her sugar daddy but he turns out to be a douchebag so I don't feel bad for him. You go, Devyn, treat that douche like crap!

A message to JD: Less dumb pranks, more making out with hot boys. Worst. Gay. Castmate. Ever. He leads the charge for the guys to prank Devyn by putting a store-bought rat in her bed. It's not just that the prank is lame, it's how freaking awesome they think it is. How exciting. What? No upper deckers on this show?

The guys are funnier when they call Devyn by the nickname that her other-BF calls her in front of David. hahahaha

Ryan's GF visits and she's too cute and cool for him. I think I want to date her.

And that's all the excitement, folks. They even have the girls figuring out that the rat in the bed was store-bought and put there by the guys, but they don't show the confrontation about it. Must have been really lame if they didn't show it.

21 February 2009


This week, Echo goes white water rafting with the client. No, really. It's outdoor adventure time. And then some outdoor sex. And then the dude tells her to start running because she has a 5-minute head start, and then he's going to hunt her and kill her. Guess the sex wasn't so good after all.

Of course Echo, with some assistance from her handler, ends up kicking the guy's ass and killing him.

We get some cool and informative "three months ago" flashbacks in which Alpha, the rogue Active, went on a murderous rampage in the Dollhouse. We also saw Echo getting her handler (the former one was killed by Alpha) and imprinting on him so that she always trusts him. Their relationship is cute. She gets rambly and excited after assignments and he's always like, "Mmm-hmmm, okay, sure." I don't know, it's just sweet.

Agent Helo (hey where the hell has Helo been in the last couple Battlestar Galacticas anyway?) gets a package from Alpha - a picture of Echo marked "Caroline" on the back, along with a message to "keep looking."

I'm definitely enjoying this show. It's doomed, I'm sure, but I like it.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

The Gang attends the vigil and funeral service for the victims of the factory that Shirley Manson blew up. I love how casual the whole gang is, still in their rugged military clothes. Try to blend in, huh guys? Sarah's wearing black jeans to go with her black leather jacket, I suppose that's mourning gear for her.

They worm their way into the good graces of various mourners, and piece some stuff together. Dead cows, secretive employees, and surveillance on all of the employees' homes. No real answers, but at the end a huge spaceship drone thing (which Sarah had seen before) flies off in front of them, only to be picked up and hauled away in a truck.

Bonus Pikesville, MD shout-out! Woo-hoo! My old home.

Battlestar Galactica

Ellen arrives on Galactica and promptly old-lady-bangs the S out of old Tigh. Then she meets with her fellow Cylons, who all want to leave the fleet and start their own community.

Ellen's grossed out that Tigh impregnated Six, because she thinks of the younger Cylons as their children. Yeah, that's gross. She's also threatened because Six is way hot and Ellen is way old.

Six starts having contractions when Tigh says he refuses to leave Galactica, even with her and the baby. Six tells Doc to cut the baby out, but the baby dies before he can.

Baltar comes back to his religious harem thing. Some of the chicks are pissed that he abandoned him. He plays it off like it was a test, knowing they would find the strength to persevere. The new leader chick isn't buying it. Since Baltar isn't getting enough love from his harem, he heads out among the great unwashed and promises to feed all of them. And he gets the love and adoration he wants. But his plan backfires when some thugs steal the rest of the food. That's OK, he just goes home and delivers a rousing speech about how they can get through this - all they need are bigger guns.

Baltar warns the Adamas and Roslin that there's a revolution brewing among the great unwashed. And that's how he gets his guns - by saying he'll keep order among the people.

I loved the Ellen/Tigh incessant bickering. Also, at the end Sam's heart rate starts spiking. Next week: maybe some Starbuck answers? That would be nice.

19 February 2009

Mike Wants To Buy This

I guaran-effing-tee it.

Language totally not suitable for work, children, or if you have back pain like I do. Enjoy!

Sony Releases New Stupid Piece Of Shit That Doesn't Fucking Work

18 February 2009


The episode opens with Jack, Hurley, and Kate back on the Island. Then we get the "46 hours ago."

The Gang is with Daniel's mother, and they head downstairs to her own hatch (The Lamppost) - complete with a pendulum and odd computer equipment. She says it's how the Dharma Initiative found the Island, which is "always moving." They all have to get on a particular flight which will pass through the path of the Island, and have to get as many of the original peeps together as they can. Hope the flight's not booked.

She pulls Jack aside and gives him Locke's suicide note. Since they have to recreate the original flight as best they can, Locke's body will be the proxy for Jack's dad's body. That whole "recreating the original flight thing" seems lame to me. They don't have everyone with them anyway, so what's the point? And then Jack visits a grandfather we've never seen before for the sole purpose of happening upon his dad's shoes. Lame and pointless.

Jack and Kate have some pre-doomed-flight sex the night before they leave. Ben, who went to "visit an old friend" calls Jack, and he's all bloody and beaten up. He tells Jack where to pick up Locke's body since he's been sidetracked. Jack puts his new shoes on him. I kinda liked Locke's shoes better.

The Gang gathers at the airport, and Hurley's there too, though we don't know how he knew to be there. Sun has decided to abandon her kid, I guess, which is always nice. Sayid is escorted by a female cop or agent or something, though I don't remember if we've seen her before or not. Ben boards too, all beat to hell. There are only a couple of randoms on board, because Hurley bought up most of the tickets. But not all of them? So those people are probably there for a reason.

The pilot turns out to be Frank, the helicopter pilot from the freighter group. As he talks to Jack he sees the other passengers. "We're not going to Guam, are we?" LOL, Frank.

Jack finally reads Locke's suicide note: "I wish you had believed me." And then the turbulence starts. And we're back at the beginning, with Jack, Kate, and Hurley coming to on the Island. They don't remember crashing, and can't find the others. An old Dharma van drives up to them and who should get out but Jin.

Next week we get explanation of Locke's death. Yay! Locke episodes are always good!

Also: nice Y: The Last Man (in Spanish) shout-out. Hurley has excellent taste in comics. Comics written by one of the Lost writers, natch.

Tiger Woods Y'All

Lookit how cute Charlie Axel Woods is! And Sam's so big now!

17 February 2009


The time has come to send my baby away.

Morgan is going in for repairs. His webcam never worked. Then I got injured and he had to be at my side 24/7 for months. Now it's time to let him go.

I used to think it was weird when people got attached to electronic equipment. No more. I'm trying to hold off a panic attack here. I miss him. No really, I think I'm already having withdrawals. Desktops suck.

No offense to this unnamed desktop I'm back to using, of course.

I love you, Morgan, come back to me soon please.

16 February 2009


I was a little bitter when I read that Aaron was coming back in this episode earlier today. Spoiler warning, people. But his name was in the credits anyway, so I would have known in advance. Morris's name too. Yay Morris!

Did you know that if the President's spouse is kidnapped the President is supposed to step down? I read that somewhere so it must be true. Now I know why - the President is leaving the office to go to the hospital. Sorry, sweetheart. President first, wife second.

Bill Buchanan's word is gospel in the White House, so he now heads up the President's security detail and gets Chloe in to help the FBI track down the mole. The President asks Bill to have someone get her estranged daughter and bring her to the hospital. Bill has the right man for the job - Aaron! AARON!!!!!

Morris (MORRIS!!!!!) and their son, Prescott, drop Chloe off at her new job. Janeane Garofalo is all sneaky-weird and suspicious about Chloe being there. Either we're supposed to think she's the mole, which I don't, or she's just jealous and nosy as hell.

Dubaku is, like the dumbest idiot on the planet, lurking behind a Denny's to talk to his waitress girlfriend when he's supposed to be heading a terrorist operation. He wants to leave the country and take her with him.

Naturally, the disabled sister is not down with this plan. They need not worry about it, as Jack and Renee bust into their apartment. They tell the sisters who Dubaku really is, and use them as bait. Dubaku sends a driver for the girlfriend, with Jack and Renee (via Chloe) tracking her.

Janeane Garofalo breaches Chloe's tracking system in her snooping, and knows that they're trapping Dubaku. Suddenly, DC police build a roadblock around Jack's car and arrest them, claiming there are warrants against them. Those warrants were just issued by the FBI mole -- who turns out to be the little white dude at the FBI who was having the affair. (I don't do names, clearly.) He was the obvious choice I guess.


Ando and Hiro arrive in CGI India to stop a wedding. For some reason. No, really. Why did this happen? I'd love to understand the point of this entire thing. It was 1/3 of the freaking show and beyond pointless.

Luke's all excited about roadtripping with Sylar in a paneled station wagon. The trip is cut short in a diner when they're surrounded by agents. Sylar's shot but of course that doesn't really matter, and he escapes, leaving Luke behind to be captured. Only Sylar returns to bust into the van, kill all of the agents, and break out his little friend - whilst wearing one of the agents' hotass SWAT-type outfits.

The Heroes are still being hunted. Claire is still getting text messages from "Rebel." Rebel tells her to go find a guy named Alex, and she does. Bennet comes for Alex too. Alex can breathe underwater. Aquaman!

Poor Claire is told she has to go to Community College with the great unwashed. This makes her salty, so she decides to open her mouth and tell her mom that dad's back to kidnapping people again. And now Daddy's kicked out of the house. Nicely done, Claire.

Bennet's drowning his sorrows at a bar when he's picked up by Mohinder, Peter, and Matt. That was a cool ending.

The Real World: Boys and Girls Can't Get Along

Katelynn likes to walk around in her underwear, and everyone's grossed out. Nothing to do with her being a tranny, I'm sure.

The roommates volunteer for a bike ride for HIV/AIDS from Gettysburg to NYC. Since it starts in Ryan's hometown, he's in and ready to show people around that crazy, wacky town of Gettysburg, PA. His first plan: double-decker bus tour of the battlefields. Laaaame.

For the road trip, there's a Girl Car and a Boy Car. Guess which one goes the right way and gets there on time? Neither of them, though the Boys make it to the tour bus right after it leaves. Girls? Late. Of course. It's amazing that women remember to change their tampons, they definitely can't be trusted to drive.

Katelynn decides it's a good idea to pole dance on a support beam in the middle of a Gettysburg bar. The girl does love to overcompensate.

I loved Devyn's whole "I'm not a college dropout, I'm still college educated" and all her BS lecturing of JD about studying psychology at the "collegiate level."

Ryan says that Katelynn "manstruates" and that actually made me LOL. Well played, sir. He just comes out and asks Katelynn if she was born a guy. His reactions are pretty funny as she discusses squicky things like anatomy and inverting her penis.

Katelynn is mad at JD for telling the boys, but I don't think he told them something they didn't already know. Why does JD have to be such a prick? I want to like him so much!

15 February 2009

Kim, Watch This

And everyone else can enjoy it too. But really, this is for Kim, who would use this product in a couple months if it were available.

Dollhouse Gets My Conditional Seal of Approval

Eliza Dushku, her adorable dimples, and her hot ass star as Echo, a person who is kind of rented out by an organization (what the FBI calls the Dollhouse). These people ("Actives") are programmed with memories and assignments, and then are wiped after. I think the memories they are given are based off of real people.

The FBI is investigating because it's essentially a human trafficking case, but also something of a legend, as it's hard to get hard evidence on the Dollhouse. It appears that there is a rogue former Active who is trying to help the FBI agent piece things together.

This week, Echo is made into a tough-ass negotiator in order to save a kidnapped girl. Her "persona" has flashbacks of being kidnapped by one of the same kidnappers when she was younger. And it sounds like they said that persona was based on an actual girl who killed herself. So that was weird how the fake life bled into the real one. And also Echo was having flashbacks of real things that happened in the Dollhouse.

The thing that bothers me about this show: one of the people who run the Dollhouse is the guy who was on Journeyman whose eyes are too close together. I don't know if I can take another show starring a guy whose eyes are too close together. They bother me way too much. Hopefully he won't be on much.

I do like the cool Asian aesthetic of the Dollhouse though. I want to go there.

Battlestar Galactica

Eighteen months ago, the Ellen Tigh model of Cylon was resurrected, old boobs and all. From what she's saying, she's like the Mother of All Cylons. She (along with the other Final Five) created the human-looking Cylons. In the present day, the Dean Stockwell model wants to operate on the Ellen model to access her memories for some reason, but the Boomer model helps her escape.

Sam is bald and being operated on, after being shot in the back of the head. There is much skull drilling and babbling, and Sam remembers things while in surgery. He remembers the last days of the Final Five, and that they all downloaded to the Resurrection Ship to be reborn after the nuclear holocaust.

He says Dean Stockwell is the Cylon that killed the original versions of the Final Five and then brought them back with false memories. Other than that, I didn't really follow what he was saying. I'm dumb.

John Hodgman plays the brain surgeon and that just makes me LOL. John Hodgman playing John Hodgman - he's just not the kind of guy who can disappear into a role. He's not a very good surgeon either. Sam survives, but appears to have no brain activity.

The Chief shows Adama the breaches he spotted in Galactica's hull. Time and war have taken their toll on the old girl. The Chief says he can fix the ship -- with Cylon technology. Adama is against this, but then goes along with it for the good of the ship.

This episode was a little too much blahblahblah for me. I can't follow this philosophical stuff. And who is Daniel? Ugh. I just like shootin'.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Sarah awakens in the hospital with her gunshot wound. There ain't no hospital that can keep her contained, so she strangles a cop with her IV and escapes with the help of a vision of Kyle Reese a/k/a Baby's Daddy. She kidnaps a doctor to get her to stitch her up properly, without any anesthetic, natch. But the doctor can't get to the bullet safely without proper instruments, so they go back to the hospital.

They sneak into the morgue so the doctor can do the surgery. Nice idea. Sarah trusts the doctor enough to go under anesthesia.

John's little girlfriend survives her little suicide attempt. David Silver's girlfriend breaks her out of the hospital.

Shirley Manson goes on a huge murder spree at that warehouse place that Sarah broke into/was shot at. Then she blows the place to holy hell.

In the most important development of the episode, David Silver looks skinny. Did he stop working out over the hiatus? He torches all the evidence that would lead the cops to Sarah, and picks her up from the morgue.

11 February 2009

Lost Gets Creepy Again

Sun shows up to the Kate/Jack/Sayid/Ben meeting with Aaron in her backseat and a gun in her hand. She intends to kill Ben, but Ben tells her that Jin is still alive and that he can prove it.

Jin is alive, on the Island, in 1988, with young, pregnant Rousseau and a bunch of Frenchies. The Smoke Monster attacks the group, killing one of them. Nice to see old Smokey back.

Time jump, not too far into the future, because Rousseau's still pregnant. The other French are dead, and she kills her baby's daddy because he's "sick" and not himself because the monster changed him.

Another time jump and he meets up with Sawyer, Locke, and the Gang, who explain they're trying to get Locke off the Island to bring everyone back.

Two time jumps in quick succession. Charlotte goes down and Juliet and Sawyer get nosebleeds. Charlotte wakes up telling Jin "don't let them bring her back, this place is death." And then she starts rambling nonsense. Hey, at least she's conscious again.

Another freaking time jump. The group leaves Charlotte and Daniel behind so they don't slow them down on the way to the Orchid. Those pesky nosebleeds and fainting spells are cramping their style. Charlotte tells them to look for the well.

Another time jump when they arrive at the Orchid, and now the Orchid is no longer there. But they find the well. Locke heads down the well, but first Jin makes him promise not to bring Sun back, and to tell her that he's dead.

Charlotte tells Daniel that she was raised on the Island, and she's been searching for it her whole life. She said that she had been told by a crazy man that if she left the Island and came back she would die. And that the crazy man was Daniel! Mindfreak!!!!

There's a time jump while Locke's descending the well. He drops to the bottom and breaks his legs badly. The well no longer exists so the rest of the group just sees a rope stuck in the ground. Cool! Jack's father or Jacob or whoever he is is in the bottom of the well with Locke! Creepy! He tells Locke that he has to leave the Island, gather everyone, find a woman (Eloise Hawking) who will tell him how to get back to the Island, and of course that he has to die. Locke crawls his broken ass to the wheel that Ben had turned in order to move the Island, and turns it.

Charlotte dies. R.I.P. Charlotte.

Back to the off-island stuff, Ben takes Sun and Jack to a church, and gives Sun Jin's wedding ring as proof he's alive. Desmond shows up too. They go into the church to meet Eloise Hawking, who is indeed Daniel's mother, the weird white-haired lady. "Let's get started." The end.

10 February 2009

I Heart Fringe But It's Killing Me

Dammit, but I love this show. Like, desperately love it and look forward to it and count the days til it's back on. It's the Best Show on Television Not Called Chuck. And at least the President has the good sense not to preempt it. I want to live in Walter's Lab. LIVE IN IT!

The Magic Traveling German Dr. Jones is back. When we last left him, he had just teleported himself from a German prison to a field outside of Boston. Now it's 2 weeks later and he's been in a decompression chamber the whole time, to acclimate himself to a cold Boston winter and what not.

Freak of the Week: People's eyes, noses, and mouths are sealing themselves shut after they touch a dirty $2 bill. Jones has a lot more where that came from, and plans to release the toxin in a terrorist act.

Jones comes to the FBI to speak with Olivia. He disables the surveillance in the interrogation room so they can speak privately. He says she was administered some sketchy experimental drug as a child and that she has some kind of ability. He rigged the toxin to a device that she can allegedly disable with her mind. And she does, even though she has no idea how she did it.

Walter, who designed the teleportation device, says that it doesn't kill you, it "does something else." Well whatever that something else is, it allows Jones to escape the hospital, by apparently busting through the building wall.


Walter's Line of the Day:
"I was just reading it whilst sitting on the crapper."

Walter's Food Obsession of the Week: Two thoughts came to his mind. One had to do with the case. The other was coffee cake.

I always give my love to Pacey and Walter, but dammit I love Charlie just as much. Adorable little Charlie. I want him to end up with Olivia. They're like adorable BFFs.

09 February 2009

I'm So Happy 24 is Awesome Again

Evil Secret Service Agent (henceforth "ESSA") brings the First Gentleman to Dubaku, who has a kickass lair in the basement of a random convenience store.

Jack, Bill, Bill's snow-white hair and beard, and the Prime Minister meet with the President. While in the meeting, Dubaku calls to let the President know he has her husband. He wants the American forces withdrawn and the PM returned to him... or else. Dun dun dun.

Jack offers to help find the dude. President: "How am I supposed to know where your loyalties lie?" Jack: "Ask around." OH SNAP! And that's enough for him to get access to the First Family's Secret Service detail and a nice, secure room next to the Oval Office. Oh Jack, you definitely have the power of persuasion.

Jack and Renee hook up with Larry Eyes-Too-Close-Together to get the ESSA's phone records. Jack asks Larry to track him down and sends Renee to get the guy's family, because if there's one way to get information, it's by torturing an 11-month-old baby.

Jack Bauer does not have to heed One-Way Street signs. He crashes into the ESSA and proceeds to kick (literally) his ass. He calls Renee and puts the potential family torture on speakerphone. The ESSA spills Dubaku's location, and then foolishly tries to fight Jack. Actually, it's a kickass fight, but of course Jack pwns him. RIP Evil Secret Service Agent. I had just given you initials and everything.

Renee and Jack bust into the convenience store basement and shoot everyone. But one of the bad guys gets off a shot to the First Gentlemen's gut before he bites it. Oops.

I love how the bad guys on this show always have some normal, domestic problem. Dubaku has a needy little waitress girlfriend who wants him home in time for dinner. And the girlfriend has a nosy, suspicious, handicapped sister. Maybe she should turn on the news. Shouldn't Dubaku's face be all over it? The sister calls Dubaku and is all, I know you're using a fake name, break up with my sister. Break up with your sister!? I'm kind of in the middle of terrorizing the United States, bitch.


Lots of things happened. Not really, but there are loads of characters, which means it seems like lots of things happened. I don't know if I can make sense of it all.

After the plane crash, everyone splits up into their little cliques. Peter and Tracy hook up, and Tracy calls Nathan and offers to trade Peter for her freedom. In the course of the trade, Peter flies away and Tracy is captured. (And Peter getting away was part of Nathan's plan, apparently.)

Daphne gets Ando and they make their way to the crash site. Daphne breaks Claire out after she was captured and hooks up with Matt, Mohinder, and Hiro. Agents catch up to them, killing Daphne (!) and catching Claire (again). Claire is returned to her "normal life" with her mother, while Peter hooks up with The Boys Club.

Sylar has busted into a house to get information about his father from the agent he captured last week. The teenager in the house has a microwave power. He ends up frying the agent to death, and it looks like Sylar has found a recruit. Sylar's back to being kickass murderous and evil and it just gives me goosebumps.

Dear Mr. President

I really wanted to watch Chuck.


Oh No He Didn't

If Chris Brown did this S, I know an Iranian who lives in Maryland that is gonna have words!! Don't touch my Rihanna! Every third song she puts out is pure gold!
Sunday night, R&B's hottest couple, Chris Brown and Rihanna, were supposed to light up the Grammys.

Instead, the normally affectionate twosome were embroiled in a domestic violence drama that left Brown, 19, booked on felony criminal threats charges and posting $50,000 bail after turning himself in to the LAPD on Sunday at 6:34 p.m. PST.

Sources say that Rihanna (real name: Robin Fenty), 20, was the victim in the alleged assault which occurred around 12:30 a.m. on Sunday. Responding to a 911 call about a disturbance, the LAPD took statements from a female with visible injuries, who named Brown as her attacker.

Just hours after the incident, witnesses spotted Brown and Rihanna leaving the London Hotel together around 7:30 a.m. on Sunday.

Later that evening, during the Grammy telecast for which both Brown and Rihanna were no-shows, bodyguards for the couple were seen moving their luggage out of the London.

08 February 2009

Battlestar Galactica

Finally watched Friday's episode. Falling asleep every night at 9:00 is not conducive to TV viewing.

The Old Men aren't successful in holding off the mutinous invaders, and they're captured. Gaeta orders Roslin's Raptor shot out of the sky, but they evade and board the Cylon baseship.

Lee and Starbuck continue to kick ass as they make their way through the ship, finally breaking out the prisoners. In the breakout, Anders gets shot in the neck.

Romo returns, because I guess he's the only attorney in the fleet and Adama needs to be defended in his court martial.

Zarek makes himself the judge of the court martial. What a freaking travesty. He also speaks with the Quorum, trying to convince them to go along with him. But when they don't, and they kick him out of the room, ZAREK HAS SOLDIERS SHOOT THE ENTIRE QUORUM!!!! OH CRAP SON HE IS OUT OF CONTROL!

Once again, Gaeta's out of his element, and didn't intend it to go this far. Poor, dumb Gaeta. But still, when Adama is found guilty (duh), Gaeta orders him brought to an airlock with an execution detail. Luckily, The Gang shows up in time to free Adama. Go Gang! Adama's all, "I'm taking back my ship! Who wants in, bitches?"

Everybody wants in, and they storm the CIC. The Chief sabotages the FTL drive so the ship can't jump. EXCITEMENT!!!

This was a great episode, but I used to like Gaeta so much. But dammit he just makes these dumb decisions and gets in over his head and makes it impossible to love him and his nubby leg. Sigh.

And now he's dead. R.I.P. Zarek and Gaeta, executed for being frak-tards.

06 February 2009

The Real World: Wentz Style

My dear friend Kim told me not to expect much (she called it "another stimulating episode"). And she was right.

OH. MY. GOD. They ALL want to be actors/models/singers this year don't they!? It's worst than most years I swear. Scott goes for modeling shots and let's face it - he's gonna end up in gay porn or semi-porn. He's a Butter Face.

Ryan and his shoelace prank can go eff themselves. I want Ryan dead.

Chet sucks at hosting. He's so stiff and his personality is as bland as his appearance. Ugh. He "could do it all day and not get bored." Great for you, Chet. What about how the rest of us would feel?

Chet's also an idiot, as he wants to host TRL -- but he didn't know it was canceled.

The only thing Chet's good at is letting one rip while Scott's trying to hit on a model in their room. Loved that.

Wait, he's also a really snazzy dresser. What was with the vest/bowtie/glasses combo that he wore in all seriousness? OMG. He's an effing joke. The Orville Redenbacher comparisons were cracking me up, I have to admit.

Enough with the freaking Pete Wentz crossovers!! Why doesn't he just become one of the roommates? Chet's so effing delusional, thinking he and Pete are getting on like BFFs. He's a gigantic ass. Pete clearly was required, through some kind of MTV contract, to say he would hook Chet up with his contacts. WHY CAN THESE PEOPLE NOT SEE THROUGH THIS STUFF!? All the roommates are up each others' asses about how great they all are. LIARS!!!

04 February 2009


Present Day Off-Island Stuff: Ben is the one who asked for blood samples from Kate and Aaron, and apparently wants to take the kid away. I assume he just wants to put the fear into Kate that Aaron will be taken away. And hopefully force her back to The Island.

Sun is having Jack and/or Ben spied on. And she has a gun.

Sayid gets attacked in the hospital. Well, more like an attempted attack, as he quickly turns the tables and kicks the dude's ass. Duh.

Three Years Ago Island Stuff: Due to all the time travel, Charlotte is suffering from "really bad jet lag". The kind that makes you seize and hemorrhage. Yeah, that is really bad.

As The Gang makes their way through the jungle, they hear screaming. It's Claire giving birth to Aaron. Then there's another time shift and when they return to the beach, their camp is there. It's been raided and the people are gone, and there is a new boat on the beach, probably how the invaders arrived. As they paddle away in the boat, they are shot at by another boat, but escape from that via a conveniently-timed time shift. And now more of them are getting nosebleeds. Damned jet lag.

There is some French wreckage on the beach. And some French people out in the ocean on a raft. They come across a body floating on a piece of something -- and it's Jin. Yay Alive Jin! Unfortunately, the French include Rousseau - young Rousseau. So I guess Jin is traveling through time too, hopefully with the rest of The Gang.


Freak of the Week: We open with a plane and a dude having a nosebleed. Those two things are never good separately on this show, let alone together. The dude tells the flight attendants that he's, like, Hulking out or something, and to lock him in the bathroom and find him sedatives. In the bathroom, his teeth start falling out and huge porcupine spike things start coming out of his back. Then all of the sudden he bursts out of the door like a freaking Bigfoot or something. That was HELLA COOL!

The plane crashes, and The Gang finds the Bigfoot Thing's body. There is much nasty autopsy. Using John's shared memories, Olivia tracks down another dude who starts undergoing the same transformation.

Olivia treats The Tank like a Jacuzzi. Again with The Tank!? She goes in to try to pull out some key John Memories because he was part of a bioterrorist cell with these other guys. John interacts with her while she's in the memory, which is freaky and, according to Walter, not supposed to happen. John tells her that he was on a secret NSA task force along with the others, that they weren't the bad guys.

Olivia and Pacey go undercover as very, very fashionable bioweapon buyers. They look uber-hot doing it. And Pacey's good at lying, which I find hot. And in the end they catch the Big Bioterrorist Bad.

At the end, Olivia asks Walter to put her back in The Tank so she can try to find out the truth about John. HOLYCHRIST, GIRL! Enough with The Tank, you're gonna be a freaking LSD addict. Actually, that sounds good to me right about now. I want a Tank of my own. And a Walter and Pacey to put me in it!

So I guess we're supposed to believe, and Olivia seems to, that John was a Good Guy after all. I still don't buy it.

Next week: the return of the German Dr. Jones, who traveled from Germany to Massachusetts in one second flat! Yay! He's spooky.

02 February 2009

24 Pwns Heroes

Jack & Company follow the van containing the Prime Minister, who is brought to Big Bad Dubaku. They break into the building in kickass fashion, meaning black coats, gloves, backpacks, night vision, guns, and earpieces. The best part is that Bill - Mr. Desk Jockey - does it too! WOO!

There is a huge firefight, the PM is rescued, and Dubaku slips out, but the All-Powerful Device Thingy is destroyed. Well then, problem solved, show over.

Jack & Company head back to The Lair of Kicking Ass with the PM and his wife. They have the PM call the President, since they need help and can't trust anyone else. The President must really have a hard-on for this PM, because she agrees to a fast, private meeting at the White House.

Janeane Garofalo is the new Chloe and figures out that the insecticide plant in Ohio is the new target. Their computer system has already been taken over, so she works with the Plant Manager to prevent the tanks from rupturing. Of course said Plant Manager makes the Ultimate Sacrifice.

They really call the President's husband "The First Gentleman"? I guess it makes sense. If they called him that before, I missed it, because I snorted when they said it. The First Gentleman's drugs have worn off and he awakens to the reality of a dead girl and a dead Secret Service agent. Plus the Other Bad Secret Service Agent who nabs his ass.

Dubaku's riding the Metro. Man, I wonder how many Merchants of Death I rode next to on that thing. He's been behind this whole First Gentleman thing, and wants the Other Bad Secret Service Agent to bring him to him.

Heroes Returns and I'm Confused

It feels like this show hasn't been on forever and I lost my zeal for it. I watched it before 24, betting 24 would be better - I save the best for last.

The government is rounding up people with powers, in a campaign headed by Nathan, in conjunction with Bennet.

Hiro is still power-less. Ando still has his power where he super-charges other powered people and Mohinder still has super-strength. Most importantly, Peter's emo bangs are back, and he's acting accordingly.

Why is Claire wearing so much makeup? She looks like the effing Joker.

Why does Matt live in Mohinder's father's apartment? He's like firmly established there. With that effing tortoise.

Sylar's in Baltimore! WOO! Sure, he goes there after I leave. He finds his daddy there. Only it's not his daddy. Jesus, he's had 100 fathers. The story this week is that he was adopted by his uncle. So he goes to see his real-real father who is a taxidermist, always a sign of sanity.

Rounded Up: Tracy, Mohinder, Hiro, Claire, Matt, Peter. They try to get Sylar at Daddy's house, but Sylar takes the whole team down, of course.

Nathan lets Claire go free, I guess out of Daddy Guilt. That was stupid of him. That bitch isn't going to keep her trap shut. It doesn't matter anyway because she hops on board the plane everyone is taken away in and stages a breakout. With bonus plane crash.

Suddenly Peter needs to touch people to get their powers? WHUT?

I feel oddly lost with this show. I heard the next few episodes are really bad and then it gets better when they bring the old writer back. We'll see....

Other People Melting Down Makes Me Happy

WOW. I love a good meltdown. And OMFG, Christian Bale is going APESHIT in this audio clip! They were filming Terminator Salvation and the Director of Photography walked into the shot. And Patrick Bateman unloads on the dude.

It is good stuff - and loaded with curses! Click here.

01 February 2009

Battlestar Galactica

There was a nice little civil war shaping up on this week's episode. Gaeta and his merry band of mutineers break Zarek out of prison and off Galactica. There is violence against Cylons, and they lock up Anders, Sharon, and her baby.

When Lee tries to interfere, they threaten to kill him, but Starbuck shoots the bad guys. Nice. This is where the action really picked up. There's a mother-frakking mutiny in the CIC, with Gaeta removing Admiral Adama and arresting him for treason. Meanwhile, Lee and Starbuck make their way through the ship and all the gunfire. They get the President so she can address people and hopefully calm them all down.

Adama and Tigh kick the asses of the Marines leading them to the brig and hook up with Starbuck and Lee. They get the President off Galactica and then the rest of them stay on board to kick mutineer ass. Gaeta orders the President's Raptor shot out of the sky. OH HOLY CRAP!

The episode ends with Tigh and Adama facing down an invading squad of Marines, and certain death with a grenade, which I hope was just a flash bang grenade. Looks like it was, though the preview for next week said Tigh was dead and Adama's about to be airlocked.

Lots of kickass action in this one, and not too much of the usual depressing bollocks. Yay!