31 December 2006

Ravens Take a #2 on the AFC

Super Bowl bound baby! Ravens get a bye, which is nice. But other games were a bit of a dagger. Dallas loses to the dreadful Lions, which is also nice. But T.O. makes an amazing catch, which angers me, but should make T.O.-apologist Houman happy. But he's not happy for long - DAGGER - the Broncos are taken out in the longest, most painful game ever. Sorry, dude.

Hop on the B-more train y'all! And go Seahawks!

29 December 2006

Complete the Trifecta



OK, so celebrity deaths always happen in threes. We have James Brown and Gerald Ford. Who is next? And what is the connection among them? Would Saddam count if he dies this weekend?

27 December 2006

What I Did on My Christmas Vacation

We arrived in Baltimore on Saturday afternoon. That night we had a great dinner with friends, most of whom we see only at the annual Christmas dinner. Sunday we drove to Pennsylvania for the day, where we exchanged gifts with my family and ate entirely too much good food. On Christmas Eve night, we took Ryan to Hamden. It's a Baltimore neighborhood that goes all out for the holidays. I mean All. Out. The lights were amazing and it was a nice night to walk around.



On Christmas, we exchanged gifts with Mike's family and ate entirely too much good food. That night we continued our tradition of joining the area Jews for Chinese food. Actually, we had sushi. I even tried some non-vegetarian stuff. I can't say I liked the fish, but I loved the scallops. We couldn't find a movie worth seeing, so we just watched a lot of movie trailers on the internet.

Yesterday morning we drove through the old Owings Mills 'hood, and had a bagel - we have yet to find a good bagel place in Florida. This was the greatest bagel of my life. Today we're back up in Pennsylvania for a few days. We're going to a basketball game tonight at my high school - the kids that I used to babysit for are now on the team. So that will be interesting, and I'm going to feel REALLY old.

I hope everyone had a good Christmas!

23 December 2006

Merry Christmas to All and to All a Good Weekend

We're off to start our whirlwind tour of Maryland and Pennsylvania in a couple hours. Watch for us in your town!!!


This is the best picture I could get of our candy cane palm tree.



This is the house at night. The neighbors have icicle lights (which I despise), as does half the neighborhood.



And this is our Christmas tree.


I'll be gone til the 31st. If something important happens, like Lindsay Lohan dying, then I'll be sure to post it. Plus, I got a money Palm that has wireless internet so I may be experimenting with that.

HAPPY HOLIDAYS TO ALL!!

22 December 2006

Merry Christmas from Eric Cartman

I couldn't find the song online, but I heard this on the radio and LOVE it!

Stockings are hung on the chimney,
And the presents are under the tree,
And mama's in the kitchen
Making some herbal tea.

Windows are covered with frost
And the candles are all alight,
But as I wander through this quiet house,
Something just doesn't seem right.

You see, every year, the neighbors bring us
A Swiss Colony Beef Log.
But the neighbors aren't around (around, around)
There's no Beef Log to be found this year.

(No Beef Log)

Christmas isn't Christmas
Without a Swiss Colony Beef Log.
Without those cheeses and meats
I don't think I can get along.

Mother tries to comfort me;
She says "Here, Son, have some eggnog."
I fucking hate eggnog, seriously.

But what do I see
Underneath the tree?
Grandma got a Swiss Colony Beef Log just for me!
Ah, ah, ah, Grandma!!

Swiss Colony Beef Log, baby!
That's what Christmas is all about!

A roly poly Colony Beef Log Baby,
Makes a little boy scream and shout!

Deck the halls with boughs of Swiss Colony!
Fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la!

Sweet!

Greatest Movie Review Headline Ever??

From CNN.com:

Night at the Museum, two hours in hell

So, um... no. I won't be seeing this.

21 December 2006

Happy Birthday to Me!!!

8:55 AM Yes, I am pathetic and I am going to be throwing myself my own birthday party!! I woke up early and worked out, but for the rest of the day I'm doing what I want to do! You know you're obsessed with food when you've been planning what you're going to eat on your birthday for a week.

My first birthday wishes came from Germany!! (Sorry, Karen, Houman beat you to it.) I'll let him explain why he's in Germany.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going out to get a Boston Cream Donut and a Soy Chai Latte....

10:15 AM ... and they were delicious. The drink even more so since my neighbor was working at Starbucks and didn't charge me! Holla! Tragically, I have to work a little from home today. So that people can get paid. I guess it's nice to have money during the holidays. So I'll do it.

11:25 AM My Birthday iTunes Playlist. OK, so here is the very eclectic mix of music I downloaded from iTunes today. They have a feature that selects songs they think you'd like and goddamnit if they weren't 75% correct. I got most of these songs based on the recommendations! I guess I'm predictable, at least in my love for '80's music.

Daughtry - the whole album (I guess he dropped the "Chris" - that's SO rock and roll)
Linkin Park's Reanimation album (it was the only way to get "My December" and I actually don't have this album anyway)
"Somebody Told Me" - The Killers
"Wise Up" - Aimee Mann
"Perfect Way" - Scritti Politti
"I Can't Wait" - Nu Shooz
"True Faith" - New Order
"Eye of the Tiger" - Survivor (because it will forever take me back to the Pizza Hut jukebox)
"How Soon is Now?" - The Smiths
"A Benihana Christmas" - The Office

3:30 PM What the hell have I been doing all afternoon? I did some pre-vacation DVR cleaning. Watched some Heroes and the documentary The Comedians of Comedy - very good by the way. Now I'm off to get my hair did.

6:00 PM Hair is done. Now I get the birthday meal I've wanted since I walked by Cheeburger Cheeburger and saw that they were making Peppermint Milkshakes. Count me in!! Can I put a candle in it? Maybe in the burger.

20 December 2006

I Have Money ESP

OK, so most of my predictions came true. And Rocky Balboa IS a good movie. In fact, it's the corny, feel-good boxing movie of the year. The audience cheered several times. Of course, that just made me laugh. I can only imagine that if people here in Florida are cheering, audiences in Philly must be shooting at the screen. Even I got a kick out of seeing the Philly scenes - including some shots at Claudio's and the Italian Market.

Rocky Balboa is a good movie to see on Christmas if you're like me and you like to go out to eat Chinese food and watch a movie with the Jewish crowd.

Psychic Predictions: Rocky Balboa


So no secret that I flip-flopped on Rocky Balboa and now can't wait to see it. Have you noticed that the commercials now heavily feature Milo Ventimiglia? No? I have. Before Heroes, you barely knew he was in it.

Anyway, it's out today and I'll see it either tonight or tomorrow. The question is: will I actually like it? Spoiler alert: it's actually supposed to be really good! I thought I'd post these Amazing Predictions (TM) before seeing it:

Rocky will drink raw eggs.

Rocky will do pull-ups on a fence.

Rocky will lift heavy chains.

Rocky will hit some meat.

Get it, because he's poor and can't afford to work out in a real gym!

Wait a minute, shouldn't he be rich? I am a Rocky expert. While I haven't technically seen the other Rocky movies, isn't he a big-time boxer? Where'd that money go?

During the main fight at the end, it will look like Rocky is going to lose. Then he will look over at his crooked-lip son, who will be urging him to get up and fight (and maybe throw in Adrian's name there as motivation - you know something like, Do it for mom!), and will suddenly have the power to finish the fight and win. Or he'll die in the ring. Either one.

If he doesn't die, at the very end of the movie he will take his belt or whatever the hell boxers win to Adrian's grave. "See, baby, I did it for you. I wish you could have been here to see it." And....roll credits.

Nerd Alert: More Than Meets the Eye

Transformers trailer.

This movie will kick ass. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Vomit Alert: Cougar Edition

Sharon Stone and Christian Slater have confirmed rumors they're dating and now plan to spend Christmas together. The starry couple, who co-star in new movie Bobby, sparked romance rumors when they attended a string of events together, but refused to confirm their relationship. But now 48-year-old Stone and her 37-year-old beau aren't hiding their affections for each other - they recently attended a party for fashion label Dolce & Gabbana at the Chateau Marmont Hotel in Los Angeles arm-in-arm and made sure everyone knew they were a couple. A source close to Stone says, "They're both really happy - but they don't have long-term expectations. It's a fun fling for the holidays and Sharon is a good influence. She rarely drinks and has three kids. It's a good match for now."

Eeeew. 'Nuf said.

19 December 2006

Rorschach Test: Christmas Edition

What do you see when you look at this picture? Does it remind anyone else of a scene from Clerks?

Photo courtesy: KP Photo Agency

iTunes Suggestions Sought

I received an iTunes gift certificate for an early birthday present (Teets rules!) and I'm open to suggestions for songs to download. Keep thinking I'm not going to download Chris Daughtry's album!! Of course I am!

I'm trying to keep myself from downloading Heroes episodes. I mean, really, will I watch them on a 2-inch iPod screen? Well, I do have some flights coming up....

18 December 2006

Blind Item: Christmas Edition













What 16-month-old can't help pulling himself away from his toaster-oven-turned-drum-set to slip into the Yule Log Trance?

17 December 2006

Comedians Rule Part II

For an early birthday present, last night Mike surprised me with tickets to see Doug Benson at the Miami Improv!!! Benson, aka The Pop Culture Bachelor, was really really funny. For some reason, this is the joke I remember (he was telling a series of bad jokes):

A woman and a man are in an elevator. The woman asks the man, "Can I smell your balls?" He says, "No." Then she says, "Oh, it must be your feet then."

Trust me, with his delivery, it was funnier than it might sound!!!

Merry Christmas from SNL

This is a great Digital Short. I have the song in my head now at all times!!

Click here, then click on Watch Video Now. It's worth waiting through the commercial. Enjoy!

16 December 2006

Daybreak Dagger

I hate to say I told you so....
ABC had big plans for the sci-fi mess Daybreak as a fan-sating fill-in during the chancy 13-week midseason hiatus for Lost. With Taye Diggs as the star, a creepy Groundhog Day premise and a demanding serialized structure, the strongest thing Daybreak had going for it was the Lost teaser "nugget" buried in each episode. Just enough to keep viewers hanging in.

Daybreak was supposed to last through Dec. 27. But its rating were so appallingly miniscule this week, the show's been yanked early. Cancelled. As of now. In the bin with Show Me The Money.

Why 24 is Awesome

Thank god the producers of 24 have some GD sense....

Jennifer Aniston has been snubbed in her bid to land a guest spot on her favorite TV drama 24. The star reportedly put her name forward for a part in the show but producers turned her down flat - because she's "too recognizable."

Executive producer Joel Surnow says, "You can't put those people on (the show) because they're too recognizable. They'll take you (viewers) out of the reality."

Aniston wasn't the only big name to be turned down for a role in "24" by producers - funnyman Ben Stiller was also deemed too famous for the show, according to TV Guide.

That's My Boy!!


Goodbye to the nickname "Snaggletooth." Thanks to $50,000 worth of porcelain veneers and other dental work, and 20 sometimes-painful hours in the dentist's chair to fix his crossbite, American Idol underdog Elliott Yamin can't seem to wipe the smile off his face, PEOPLE reports in its new issue.

Hey, I never called him Snaggletooth - I called him Alf. I love the new bushy hair too!

14 December 2006

The Office

I love a good Office Christmas. Probably the greatest thing I've ever seen is Michael marking his new Japanese "girlfriend" on the arm so that he can tell the difference between her and her Japanese friend. Only Michael Scott can have a rebound relationship that lasts 3 hours. Who did he invite to Jamaica over the phone? My guess is Jan or his mother.

Also great: Dwight singing Styx. You know they're the greatest arena rock band of the '80's, right?

Golden Globes

Imagine my delight when I awoke to discover the Golden Globe nominations would be announced this morning. Really, I think I clapped. I love me some awards shows.

My highlights of the nominations:

Heroes for Best Drama!!! OF COURSE!!

Hiro Nakamura!!!! Masi Oka got nominated for Heroes. Yatta!!!

Mark Wahlberg for The Departed.

Alec Baldwin for 30 Rock.

Dagger - the awards are going to be on opposite the premiere of 24. Looks like my DVR will have its hands full that night!

13 December 2006

Dead Guys in the News

Peter Boyle, who was the tap-dancing monster in "Young Frankenstein" and the curmudgeonly father in the long-running sitcom "Everybody Loves Raymond," has died. He was 71.

Boyle died Tuesday evening at New York Presbyterian Hospital. He had been suffering from multiple myeloma and heart disease.


I liked him. He was the best part of Raymond. More importantly....."puttin' on the Ritz!!!"

Heroes: Zach is Back... in the Closet

I have many favorite characters on Heroes. OK, all of them. But I really love Claire's friend, Zach. Although they never had him say "I am gay," my 100%-accurate gaydar went off big time with him. There were a few references to him being "different", he would talk about Claire "coming out" to her parents, and Jackie called him "the gay boy". I loved that he was this wise, gay kid that was comfortable with who he was. But now NBC is actually making a point of saying Zach isn't gay.

WHAT??!! This stinks. Apparently, the actor is going to be the lead in the series coming out based on The Terminator (like that will be good). So it looks like it's his management that doesn't want people to think the actor is gay. Are they insane? I could be wrong, but I'm pretty sure straight actors can play gay people. And I'm pretty sure gay actors can still get work. Plus, this actor has played gay kids before. Why is it a problem now? Because the show is hot?

The creators of the show admit that Zach was supposed to be gay. But I guess they are beholden to NBC, and the word came from on high that Zach is straight.

I'm assuming he won't be on the show much anymore anyway since his memory was erased and he's no longer friends with Claire. This is a bummer because I loved their relationship. Goddamn, NBC, if I didn't owe you for bringing me this show I would write you a strongly worded letter. Just another reason this show should be on FOX.

12 December 2006

Can't Get Enough Brangelina


I'm in love!

From People magazine:

For the first time, Angelina Jolie has described what happened between her and Brad Pitt on the set of Mr. & Mrs. Smith – and she insists she never had any intention of breaking up his marriage to Jennifer Aniston.

When she first met her costar on the set of the thriller in 2003, "I didn't know much about exactly where Brad was in his personal life," Jolie, 31, says in the January issue of Vogue, according to excerpts published in the New York Post. "But it was clear he was with his best friend, someone he loves and respects.

"And so we were both living, I suppose, very full lives. … I think we were the last two people who were looking for a relationship. I certainly wasn't. I was quite content to be a single mom." But "Brad was a huge surprise to me. I, like most people, had a very distant impression of him from … the media," she says.

The two remained "very, very good friends" from the time the movie wrapped in 2004 until after Pitt and Aniston announced their separation in January 2005, Jolie says. "And then life developed in a way where we could be together, where it felt like something we would do, we should do."

In fact, it was her son, Maddox, now 5, who helped seal the deal. (Jolie and Pitt are also parents to Zahara, 23 months, and Shiloh, 6 months.) One day, Maddox "just out of the blue called him Dad," says Jolie. "It was amazing. We were playing with cars on the floor of a hotel room, and we both heard it and didn't say anything and just looked at each other. So that was probably the most defining moment, when he decided that we would all be a family."

Pitt has said he and Jolie would not wed until all couples can legally marry, and Jolie agrees that tying the knot is not a priority. "We both have been married before, so it's not marriage that's necessarily kept some people together," she says. "We are legally bound to our children, not to each other, and I think that's the most important thing."

OK, so it doesn't sound so romantic at the end there where she says they're legally bound to their children. That makes it sound like she wants to leave, but checked with her attorneys, and they told her she can't.

11 December 2006

My Bad

Andy Roddick hosted his first annual Charity Celebrity Poker Tournament at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel & Casino in Hollywood, Fla., Friday night, and his ex, Mandy Moore, was on hand to lend star wattage.

I was there. Saw the tournament happening. Didn't know to look for Mandy. Houman will never forgive me... but mostly because Backstreet Boy Howie Dorough was there too. And he loves the ladies!

Drunk Whores Part 86


Nicole Richie was arrested for DUI early this morning after two drivers spotted her SUV going the wrong way on the 134 Freeway in Burbank and called 911.

When the CHP responded, Richie was stopped in the carpool lane and was alone in the vehicle. When cops approached the vehicle, Richie was on her cellphone. Law enforcement officers tell TMZ Nicole Richie admitted she had taken Vicodin and smoked pot.

Can these drunk whores all just go to jail and die already? Also, the police report puts her at a hefty 5'1", 85 pounds. Fatty pig fatty!!!

09 December 2006

What's Prettier?

The people in the picture or the building behind them?

I S you not, if I had this picture a week ago it would have been my Christmas card. There's always next year!

07 December 2006

Daybroken

It's time to give up on Daybreak. Actually, last week was the time to give up. Sure, it had an interesting premise - black Groundhog Day - and fine-ass Taye Diggs as the star. But I knew the guillotine was coming down when last week I went to bed rather than watch the last 10 minutes of the show.

Mike likes it, but I'm trying to convince him not to watch because the ratings are horrific. (I was right about The Nine, people.) I even went so far as to write ratings for different shows on the chalkboard to illustrate that Daybreak had the same rating as One Tree Hill for godsakes, and scored lower than Smallville. Now this week One Tree Hill beat Daybreak. This is a dagger, folks. Give up now.

The Real World: The Mother of All Fights

HOLY CRAP!! I'm freaking out because I just caught up on The Real World: Denver. I watched the first 3 episodes in a row. That's the best way to watch the first few episodes of a season, because it's great to see, "We're best friends, all my roommates are great!" and then 40 minutes later, "She slept with the guy I like" and the dudes fighting.

I feel like quoting Anchorman: "Boy, that escalated quickly. I mean, that really got out of hand fast." I don't know where it came from, but suddenly 2 really drunk dudes were screaming and fighting. From what I could tell, the gay Christian dude (Davis) was egging on the huge black dude (Tyree) and asking him to hit him. Roommates intervened. Then Davis comes at Tyree again, crying and screaming. Then producers intervened. You know that's serious, because if The Real World has one thing it's journalistic integrity, and the producers don't like to get on camera.

So Davis says he's leaving because he feels threatened and drops the n-bomb!!!!!! Oh my god this can't be good. This was the craziest fight I've ever seen in my life. But I'm equally blown away that the next day they worked through it like adults. Davis pulled out the Mel Gibson "I have a drinking problem" excuse and the brothers reached out to him and said they wanted him to stay.

This is why I stopped drinking....

Lost Makes Me Bitter

Lost is moving to Wednesdays at 10 PM when it returns in 2009 or whenever it's finally coming back. Great. So now not only will it suck the life force out of me and rob me of an hour of my life, but now I'll have to stay up later and fall asleep at my desk the next day. You're batting 1000, Lost.

05 December 2006

Another Driving Related Arrest

Minnesota Timberwolves forward Eddie Griffin pled guilty yesterday to charges of "inattentive driving" and will pay a $375 fine. But he was actually arrested for crashing his car while masturbating in the parking lot of a grocery store.

Defendant Griffin was under the influence of alcohol and negligently not paying attention to the direction of travel ahead of him due in part to the fact he was watching a pornographic DVD which was displayed on a mounted in-dash DVD player, located near the steering column, in his Escalade video. He was manually manipulating his genitals which he described to a witness, after the accident, as "jacking off." DVD jackets with pornographic titles "Anal Action" and "Privates" were seen in the driver/passenger area of the vehicle. The items were viewed by the officers at the scene, whereupon they laughed.

Who knew it was illegal to drive while manipulating your genitals?

Can't Stop Danity Kane


















Doesn't there come a time when it's just enough with the fake hair already? The chick in the middle has too much hair AND a Paris-Hilton-Lazy-Eye problem! I won't even comment on the fact that she's wearing her midget grandmother's see-through nightgown. I guess I just did.

24: Enough is Enough

Alright, 24. You can stop now. When are you going to fulfill your quota of people who were famous in the '80s, D-listers, and former child stars?

Rick Schroder and his magic Mormon underwear are joining the cast!

P.S.: Season 5 on DVD today! Sure, I'm bitter about Tony, but I'll get over it.

Tweener gets busted!

A sport utility vehicle driven by Lane Garrison of TV's "Prison Break" and three teenagers struck a tree, killing a 17-year-old boy, police said. The vehicle jumped a curb and hit a tree.

Two 15-year-old girls inside the vehicle were also injured, one critically, during the late Saturday night accident, police said. Garrison, 26, had minor injuries and police now believe Garrison may have been drunk when he crashed his SUV

"According to our accident investigators, Mr. Garrison did display symptoms of alcohol intoxication," Beverly Hills Police spokesman Lt. Mitch McCann told FOXNews.com. "In addition, investigators removed alcohol containers from the SUV he was driving that was registered to him."

What was this douche doing drunk in the middle of the night with 3 teenagers?

04 December 2006

Heroes Will Return Next Year To Kick Even More Ass

I feel so bad for Claire. The poor girl felt like a freak because she's indestructible. She sees a kindred spirit in Peter, and is excited at the idea of sharing her specialness with someone. At least she still has Zack to confide in, but then her dad has her BFF's mind erased. They were such good friends, and now it's like their relationship never happened. So sad. The Haitian was ordered to erase Claire's memory by her father, but tells her that he's going to tell her a secret, and that she should pretend to forget everything. Mike thinks Claire's dad is the one with the power-blocking power.

OK, so what went down tonight? Holy crap!! Peter looks like he's going through withdrawal in prison. Nathan springs him. Then Peter faints and has a dream where all of the Heroes are in an abandoned New York, Nathan looks menacing, and Peter explodes in a ball of light. And then it looks like present-day Peter dies. But there is NO WAY that happened. No way.

Eden died trying to get Sylar to kill himself. Looks like she shot herself so he couldn't eat her brains and get her power of persuasion.

Oh yeah, and Isaac painted Hiro taking on a dinosaur. Really.

R.I.P. P.I.G.

I am sorry to report that Max, the potbellied pig that lived with George Clooney for the past 18 years, died a couple of days ago. Clooney said to USA Today: "He just died! He was as old a pig as the vets had ever seen. I was really surprised, because he's been a big part of my life."

I remember reading about Max when Clooney first became famous on ER. I always thought it was so cute that he had a pig!

Of course, my favorite Clooney story involves a prank he pulled on a friend. He was catsitting for his friend's new kitten. On the last day of catsitting, Clooney took a dump in the litter box. The friend was, needless to say, shocked to see something that size in the kitten's litter box! I just love that story. And that's why I'll always like George Clooney.

03 December 2006

How To Get In The Holiday Spirit

1. Load your Christmas CDs onto your iPod. It's just not Christmas without Clay Aiken and Harry Connick, Jr.

2. Decorate the outside of your house. This year, I was sweaty and sunburned after doing it, but I suppose that's better than freezing my ass off. I'm going to complain either way. My palm tree looks like a candy cane, and it's wonderful.

3. Use Twisted Peppermint Body Scrub and Lotion from Bath & Body Works. It's tingly and smells great. When purchasing these items, be sure to whine about how they don't make peppermint candles.

4. Light the peppermint candle you bought 2 years ago. It's not dead yet!

5. Wrap the presents you have purchased.

6. Put up your Christmas tree. If it's fake, light a Pine Tree candle.

7. Drink a Peppermint White Mocha. You won't be disappointed.

8. Buy a new outfit for Christmas.

9. Watch The Ref, my favorite Christmas movie. And the funniest. Also, watch the Christmas Party episode of Season 2 of The Office. Gift exchange at its finest.

01 December 2006

The Duel: Marshmallows Have Feelings Too

Is it wrong that I laughed all the way through Wes's crying on this week's Real World/Road Rules Challenge? If he wins, Wes plans to marry Johanna. No Johanna!!! Don't do it! Gross. And after he beats Derrick in the duel (see, a combination of alcohol, steroids, and marijuana DOES impair your reflexes), he says he wants Derrick to be his kids' godfather. Please, god, don't let Wes have kids!

29 November 2006

Wiggles News

The hugely popular children's group The Wiggles is expected this week to announce the departure of its lead singer because of a serious illness, media reports said Wednesday. The 34-year-old known for his bright yellow T-shirt has been undergoing medical treatment since June after experiencing fainting spells and lethargy, the reports said.


Hmmm. What kind of mystery illness could this be? I'm willing to bet we call it by its initials. Get him some broth and a robe!

28 November 2006

24 News(?)

Here is a link to a behind the scenes tour of 24 from FOX News. I found it incredibly difficult to make the video work. (Imagine that, FOX News pissing me off.) But I finally watched it. It's a nice behind-the-scenes tour given by Jon Cassar and - wait for it - Carlos Bernard! WTF is he doing there? Sure, he could have just been visiting his old friends. But they discuss the "alleged" death of Tony Almeida. I think the more likely scenario is that they found out how livid I was that they killed off Tony and they decided to bring him back. OK, 24. I'll watch.

27 November 2006

Heroes: Gonna Go Back in Time

Heroes is now perfect. I couldn’t stand the narrator over the “previously on” segment. As if the audience isn’t smart enough to be able to piece together clips, and needs a narrator to spoon feed it. And now he is gone!! Replaced by a Mohinder voiceover, which is better suited for the “previously ons” anyway. OMG it’s perfect now!

Heroes: second only to Prison Break in homoeroticism between brothers. Nathan kissed Peter tonight and I squealed. The internets will be lit up over this tonight.

This episode took place “Six Months Ago”. We saw the accident that paralyzed Nathan’s wife. He flew out of the car, escaping the crash. Did he do that on purpose, or was it just an instinct that took over? I was eating up all the back story like Sylar eats up brains. Can’t get enough. Interesting to see that Sylar is really just a Clark Kent lookalike with Daddy issues. Who figures out how to absorb powers by killing Heroes.

This show was totally emotional. I just love the relationships, especially between Claire and her dad. Too cute! Hiro went back in time to save Charlie, but it’s revealed that she has a brain tumor. So she’s going to die anyway. Too tragic!

IF YOU DON’T THINK NEXT WEEK IS GOING TO BE OFF THE CHAIN YOU’RE CRAZY. A Hero is lost forever! A big twist ending! And then no more til next year. Next week is going to be money.

Prison Break Rules Again

Let me stop running around and screaming long enough to blog this. First, it’s so good to see my old friend Fox River Penitentiary again. I missed you, Papi. The Brothers are captured by Border Patrol – I guess we can thank Bush’s tightening of America’s borders for this.

Mahone and Kellerman are two magnificent bastards. For that matter, so is T-Bag. How does he keep seducing women? Oh who am I kidding, I’d do him. Kellerman and Mahone set a trap for the Brothers, leaving the keys in the transport vehicle. They knew it was a trap, but still decided to go for it. Tons of Blue Steel as Mahone and Michael stare each other down. I figured either Kellerman or Mahone would flip. Mike totally predicted that Kellerman would shoot Mahone. RIP Mahone. He was awesome. But Kellerman is awesomer!!! The President dissed him and Kellerman does not like to be dissed. Again I say, AWESOME!!!

What freaking bar did T-Bag go to where there was more than one person with a prosthetic hand? Was it some kind of veterans’ bar? And even if it was, would a veterans’ bar have that many people missing hands? Whatever. Improbability No. 658 for Prison Break. T-Bag ends up at his old girlfriend’s house – she is dead meat. T-Bag is sure leaving a trail.

No. 659: Bellick has the world’s fastest plea bargain, sentencing, and transport, as he ends up in Fox River. Is he really dumb enough to request to go there? I can see how he thinks he’d be protected by his buddies and sent to ad seg. Too bad for him there’s a new warden in town – and he ends up with Avocado as his cellie!!! I totally called that – that’s awesome. And nice shot of Bellick looking through his cell bars, duplicating the shot of Michael last year. Oh, and I liked the shots of them running through tunnels, mimicking the prison.

Now I have to wait until January 22nd for a newbie? At least it was a great Fall Finale. Do you hear me, Lost?

Scavenger Hunt

I'm almost famous! You can find my name in a magazine on newsstands now. First one to find it gets a kiss. Good luck!

Save This Kid Part 2


This kid had a 5% chance of being normal. Now it's all over.

Short-Ass Hollywood Wedding No. 567

Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Kid Rock, her rep has confirmed to PEOPLE. (They were married on July 29.)

"Pamela filed for divorce last week," Anderson's rep, Tracy Nguyen tells PEOPLE. "It wasn't a happy Thanksgiving."

26 November 2006

This Is More Like It

I definitely had a good weekend this weekend. I still have to genuflect when I want to pick something up off the ground or a low shelf, but my back is much better.

We went to see two movies - For Your Consideration and The Fountain. On the Christopher-Guest-movie scale, FYC isn't as funny as Best in Show (that's a tough one to beat) but funnier than A Mighty Wind. The Fountain is just as bizarre as I expected it to be. It wasn't a total waste of time - the performances were good, it's just weird.

If I have a superpower like my friends on my new favorite show, it's the power to pick a great restaurant. Just give me 20 minutes on the Internets and I can find one. We went to 8 1/2 in Miami Beach Saturday night. You can design your own Tasting Menu of little courses. It was really really good. And we got to sit outside - it was a beautiful night. One of the highlights of the evening was seeing a Mercedes SLR. Every time we go to Miami we see some amazing car I've never seen before.

That brings us to today. Out of respect for the half of my audience who are Steelers fans, I won't gloat too much. Ravens won 27-0 and we watched it at our restaurant - surrounded by Steelers fans. Life is good.

25 November 2006

DVD Pick of the Weekend

We rented Accepted, and it's definitely worth seeing. All of Jonah Hill's (the fat kid) lines are hysterical - he's really really funny.


24 November 2006

Black Friday

Well played, Florida. Well played. I may not continue my annual Black Friday 5:00 AM trip out to the stores. It was crazy! In Maryland we would go to Target and, sure, there would be a lot of people, but not like here! We tried Best Buy this morning and the line was wrapped around the building. And still was when we drove by an hour later! We went to Circuit City and it was packed. We needed a new phone/answering machine. But not that badly. The checkout lines were unreal. So we went to Home Depot to get a pressure washer and they actually had a phone there. And I got Christmas lights too. I wasn't sure if I was going to decorate for the holidays, but I think I will now. It just doesn't seem like Christmas when it's not cold. But I want to make my palm tree look like a candy cane.

23 November 2006

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I am thankful for my husband, my friends, my family, electricity, and my relative health.

I won't be spending this Thanksgiving on the beach like I wanted to - it's only going to get to 72 today. But it'll be 80s by the weekend.

Today's menu:
Buttermilk-Oat Rolls
Roasted Fresh Young Turkey Breast (you know I like 'em fresh and young)
Green Beans with Pan-Roasted Red Onions
Stuffin' Muffins
Poached Pears with Spiced-Wine Syrup

Tomorrow I plan to continue my tradition of getting up early and going to Target to watch people kill each other over sale items. Mike's going to start a new day-after-Thanksgiving tradition - golf.

DELICIOUS UPDATE: Yum.

22 November 2006

Cringe-Worthy

Just in case you haven't seen Michael Richards' "apology" for going on a racist tirade at the Laugh Factory, I thought I'd post it here.



It's so awkward and cringe-o-riffic. Not only is it not really an apology, the audience laughs through most of it!!! Either they didn't realize he was trying to be serious, or they did and found it funny anyway. They seem to particularly enjoy when he calls black people "Afro-Americans". Jerry Seinfeld even has to tell the audience to stop laughing. He scolds the audience!!! It's freaking priceless, I can't get enough of this.

Old Lady Killed in Shootout with Cops

I've seen The Wire, folks, I know this stuff can happen. This old lady was totally a drug kingpin.

The niece of a 92-year-old woman shot to death by police said her aunt likely had reason to shoot three narcotics investigators as they stormed her house. Police insisted the officers did everything right before entering the home Tuesday evening, despite suggestions from the woman's neighbors and relatives that it was a case of mistaken identity. The woman, Kathryn Johnston, was the only resident in the house at the time and had lived there for about 17 years, Assistant Chief Alan Dreher said. The officers had a legal warrant, "knocked and announced" before they forced open the door and were justified in shooting once fired upon, he said.

As the plainclothes Atlanta police officers approached the house about 7 p.m., a woman inside started shooting, striking each of them, said Officer Joe Cobb, a police spokesman. One was hit in the arm, another in a thigh and the third in a shoulder. The officers were taken to a hospital for treatment, and all three were conscious and alert, police said.

21 November 2006

Trailer Tuesday

There are two certainties in this world.

1. You'll never catch me watching a Harry Potter movie. Ever. Well, OK, if there's some Ron Weasley nudity, I'd fast forward through a DVD copy. But for the other 95% of people I know, here's the trailer for the new one, Harry Potter's First Pubes or something like that. His haircut is really bad.

2. I will be at the opening of Rocky Balboa. Why the 180-degree, John-Kerry-style flip-flop on this? Two words: Milo. Ventimiglia.

20 November 2006

Monday is the Greatest of All Days

It’s hard to watch a night of Adrenaline TV when my back hurts. Can’t jump around the room like I like to. By the end of Heroes I just wanted to run around the room screaming.

On Prison Break, Sara had the #1 kick-ass moment: burning Kellerman on the chest with an iron. Definitely looked painful. As did Sara having to stitch up her own arm. RIP Papa Burrows. They had time to bury him? Godspeed to Sucre, who escaped on the plane. The Brothers are going to stay in the U.S. to take down the conspiracy. Finally!

C-Note’s wife got caught! Didn’t see that coming. Also didn’t see Mahone’s car crashing into the Brothers’ car at the end. Good stuff.

FOX is starting to sprinkle in some 24 commercials. This one shows Jack confronting that Bluetooth guy from last year.

On Heroes, Nathan got the painting that Peter needed, and promptly destroyed it. It shows Peter dead at the Homecoming. Luckily, Simone shows him a photo, so he went to mess with Texas and meets up with Ando. Part of the fun of this show is you have a million characters that exist in separate worlds, and then sometimes they interact. It was cool seeing Ando & Peter and Peter & Claire together, for the first time. “It gets better, life after high school.” How cute was that? Super Friends unite!

If I knew that my daughter was going to die at Homecoming, I wouldn’t just ground her. I’d tie her to her bed and keep an eye on her all night. Didn’t Claire’s dad see every teen movie ever made? The girl always sneaks out. Good thing she's indestructible. And makes Peter indestructible.

We finally see Sylar’s face and it’s none other than Adam from Season 3 of 24!! I saw his name in the credits last week, then totally forgot about it until this week when I saw it again. I’ve always wished Adam would come back, and I’m still holding out hope. But it’s kind of hard to take Sylar seriously as a Supervillian when I just think of him whining on 24.

So what happened to Hiro? He made it back in time to try to save Charlie, but then she obviously still dies. And he disappeared a few weeks ago. So where is he? And what's the deal with Sylar? I have a feeling he used to be part of Bennet's crew, but maybe went off on a killing-spree tangent. It seemed like he knew who Jedi-mind-tricking Eden was, yes?

This episode was great and next week looks good because it’s all about flashbacks to the discovery of powers, Suresh’s research, and all that jazz.

Fresh-Squeezed O.J.

After a firestorm of criticism, News. Corp. said Monday that it has canceled the O.J. Simpson book and television special "If I Did It."

"I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project," said Rupert Murdoch, News Corp. chairman. "We are sorry for any pain that his has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson."

Wow. Rupert Murdoch has a soul. Who knew? Thank God they pulled this - I was actually agreeing with Bill O'Reilly on something and I considered suicide.

My So-Called Weekend

I spent most of my weekend on my back in bed. Get your mind out of the gutter – my back went out!

Saturday morning I was preparing to clean the house when my back suddenly started hurting. Sure, it got me out of doing housework, but I’d rather clean than be in pain all weekend. This has happened to me twice before – it’s a muscle spasm/pinched nerve that keeps me in constant pain. I’m barely able to walk - I look like an old man.

So aside from the occasional move to the sofa, I was in bed all weekend. Good thing we went out Friday night, because I went nowhere, and I was going crazy. I didn’t even make it out to watch the Ravens win!

Did someone put a curse on me? Is this Somebody’s idea of a cruel joke? Friday I was so happy, looking forward to a great weekend after being sick for almost 2 weeks. Then this happens. Pity party!

17 November 2006

James Bond is an Octopussy

Casino Royale got an "A" in Entertainment Weekly. Mike wants to see it, and now I guess I will since it got a good review. But I just can't get excited for James Bond movies. 1) This James Bond stinks. It should have been Clive Owen. So I'm a little bitter about that. 2) James Bond is a pussy. In the age of Jack Bauer, James Bond is a nothing! Jack Bauer would kick his ass. Jason Bourne would kick his ass. James Bond drives fancy cars, drinks, and bangs chicks. He's not an action superstar.

UPDATE: I was only partly wrong. This Bond kicks a little more ass in terms of hand-to-hand combat and torture. I don't remember other Bonds doing that. Not that I'm a James Bond expert. There are some good fight scenes, so if you're in the mood for the James Bond Stunt Spectacular, check it out. And if you like movies where you know a guy is the villain the moment you see him because he has a scar on his face and uses an asthma inhaler. And if you like men who are perpetually sweaty and have too-blond eyebrows. Ick. 'Cuz I'm superficial like that.

Hot Harry Potter Action


Is it wrong to be turned on by this picture from the latest Harry Potter movie? The only thing that could make it hotter is if it was of Ron Weasley. And Harry Potter. Making out. Hard core.

The Office Cringe-o-Meter = 10

Tons of cringe humor last night. Creed staring at the woman using the breastpump (at her desk!) is probably number 1. Ed Helms' character bonding with Michael. Michael and Dwight trying to lift up the big fat dude. Michael making a slavery joke to the black guy. Toby's attempted fist bump. Kelly was hysterical - catching Jim up on "her life" - specifically, the births of Shiloh and Suri. Jim staring at the top of Dwight's head while they talked - "Meet my eyeline, Jim!" HA! Did I miss anything?

It was great last night and I definitely have to watch it again. Sometimes it's so cringe-inducing I have to watch through my fingers.

16 November 2006

Top Chef: Awful Offal

Normally I watch Top Chef and I get hungry. This time I literally threw up a little bit in my mouth. The Quickfire Challenge involved cooking with offal - all the leftover parts of the animal, including such delicacies as sweetbreads, tongues, tripe, feet, blood, and fish heads. Yum!

Marisa and Josie definitely deserved to lose for their crappy 5th course dish. But I wish they both hadn't been kicked out. I totally saw that coming though, since there was no elimination last week and neither was clearly responsible for the loss. It's a shame because I think Josie is really good. I've always thought Marisa sucked - she's a freaking pastry chef who can't make desserts.

The Wire

I spent much of yesterday finally catching up on The Wire. And I had 10 episodes to watch!

It's a great show. It has what I love - great writing, about 86 characters, intersecting storylines, all set against the brutal and realistic backdrop of inner city Baltimore.

The main plots involve: 1) a white Mayor-elect, 2) the city school system, and 3) a new lead drug dealer who has a crew (1 guy and a hilarious girl) who "disappear" bodies by putting them into vacant rowhouses and then nailing the plywood doors into place so no one goes in. Homicide can't figure out why murders have decreased - but it's just because they haven't found the bodies. Once they do, there are going to be like 80 bodies found! I hope that happens by the end of the season - only 3 episodes left.

The school scenes are tragic. I hate that there are a handful of good kids (including one who snitched to the cops about a murder), because you just know that won't end well for the good kids. I fully expect the sad kid -- who has to shower at the school because his junkie mother had the water shut off, and who has to rely on free clothes and food from teachers because his mother sells stuff he brings home -- to die. But let's hope not. Then there's the kid who is only slinging drugs on the corner because his bitch mother made him do it. Whore.

The show is a bit depressing, but it's so well done. There are somehow moments of levity. I laugh whenever I see the tiny 12-year-old car thief behind the wheel of a huge-ass SUV. Kids these days!

15 November 2006

Help This Kid


If you see this child, please help him. He looks horrified.

I Just Don't Understand

Is O.J. Simpson even a human being anymore? How does he explain this to his children? "Hey, kids, I'm going to go on TV and talk about how I would have killed your mother." It really makes me sick.

"O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," to air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29 from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. on Fox, will have O.J. talk about the murder of his ex-wife and her friend 12 years ago under the cover of a hypothetical approach.

13 November 2006

Heroes Saves My Monday Night

Greatest show ever. Really. No Petrelli brothers, and still excellent. Next week is going to be OFF THE CHAIN!!!!

I was like, I can't believe they brought in the cute new chick with the great memory just to kill her. That was gonna be Hiro's girlfriend, man! But then Hiro went back in time to save her. He can't keep bending time and changing the past though. That can't be all-good.

Horn Rimmed Glasses is good! Maybe. Sure, he kidnaps Heroes and marks them. But he doesn't kill them. And he wants to save his daughter. I love the Bennets.

I just love how the story keeps unfolding. I have no idea where it's going, but it is awesome and I'm enjoying the ride. I want to have superpowers. Eden has the power of persuasion, I'm guessing. And Mohinder has some kind of power where he sees things in his dreams. Radiation Man's powers will probably be used to blow up New York. Will Ando end up having powers?

I really can't wait for next week. It's going to kick ass. Save the cheerleader, save the world!

Prison Break: On the Bubble

Well, as I suspected, we get T-Bag's once-again-unattached hand. He ripped it off to escape from the cops. Ew. And highly ludicrous. He thought ahead enough to put a tracking device in the money? WTF? RIP Geary. The T-Bag body count grows.

We have to have a serious talk, Prison Break. I don't want you to become the next Lost. Without my beloved prison from Season One, I'm watching for 3 reasons, named Scofield, Kellerman, and T-Bag. T-Bag can't hold on for much longer. The dude has no hand. Again. And he keeps killing people. Scofield is turning into a major pussy overwhelmed by guilt and without the ability to grow consistent facial hair. Kellerman is still awesomely badass at least. A badass who tortures and kills women.

That said, I will of course be watching to see what the deal is with Lincoln and Michael's father. Or should I say "father"? I don't know what's going on there, but clearly something ain't right.

Spiderman 3: The Saga Continues

Here is a treat for all of you Spiderman (pronounce it "Speederman" please) nerds. You can click here for a trailer that wasn't supposed to be released until February. It looks mostly like the old trailer - a lot of the special effects aren't done though. But you do get the bonus of a Venom money shot at the very end. Wait for it... wait for it.

24 Season 6 Picture


Here's the cast picture for Season 6 (click for larger). My man Milo is on the right. And Chloe's rocking the new hair next to her ex-husband. Wherefore art thou, Curtis?

12 November 2006

When I Say 7, You Say 2

7 - 2!! 7 - 2!!

I'm so glad we picked today to finally wake up and find a bar that has NFL Sunday Ticket! We found this great place nearby where you walk in and they have a chart of what TVs are going to be playing what games. We sat right under the Baltimore game. The sound was only on for the Miami game, but we got used to trying to read lips. It wasn't too crowded either. We stayed at our table for 4 hours. It was a hell of a game. Ups and downs. But the Ravens won 27 - 26! It was cool to be able to keep an eye on all the other games too. Go Indy!

Child Predators: Now Even More Entertaining!

Dateline NBC's ratings-grabbing To Catch A Predator series ended with a tragic twist when Bill Conradt, former Kaufman County (Texas) district attorney, turned a gun on himself. Terrell and Murphy police were attempting to arrest Conradt, 56, on a warrant for soliciting sex with a minor when the incident occurred late Sunday afternoon.

Police who entered Conradt's home when he refused to answer the door heard a shot and found him fatally wounded with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. He was later pronounced dead at Parkland Hospital in Dallas.

Murphy police Sgt. Snow Robertson said Conradt had solicited sex from a decoy posing online as a 13-year-old boy. Police were attempting to serve a search warrant for his computer and the arrest warrant when Conradt shot himself.


The best news: they are working on a new series of shows in Texas. It's November Sweeps for godsakes! I need some solicitation of minors!

10 November 2006

While I Was Sleeping



I just got the biggest scare of my life. I'm sick, so when I got home from work I napped for 2 hours. When I woke up, I was all groggy and confused. Especially when the news said Jack Palance had died. I was sure that I had woken up 5 years in the past! Seriously, didn't he die already? Did he have a twin or something?

Yes, you heard right - I'm sick again. My throat hurt all week. As of yesterday I have a full-blown cold. Mike gave this to me. Thanks.

09 November 2006

On This Date in 1979...

...my life as I knew it came to an end. I was no longer the center of my parents' world. This is the day the bitterness began.

Happy Birthday Kare Bear!!

Geeks of the World, Unite!

Spider-Man 3 will receive a TV and online blitz Thursday night when Columbia Pictures unveils a 2-1/2-minute trailer at 10 p.m. in a "road block" across Viacom's online brands and several TV channels, including the CBS network -- six months before the film's May 4 premiere.

The trailer will air on CBS, Comedy Central, MTV, BET, Logo, MTV2, Spike TV, and VH1.

Due to the presence of Snaggletooth, I will be vomiting at 10:03 p.m. Meanwhile, you can expect a post from Mike entitled, "The Greatest Two and a Half Minutes of My Life".

08 November 2006

Smell Ya Next Year, Lost!

No more Lost for 2006. Thank God. Now I can get an hour of my life back each week, although Mike will probably make me watch the black Groundhog Day show.

Kate and Sawyer have sex. A) Who cares? B) Eeew. When was the last time they showered?

Goddamn this episode was lame. This was supposed to be an amazing cliffhanger. Was it? I like that Jack is holding Ben's life in the balance, but so what to Kate maybe being set free and Sawyer maybe getting shot. And even if Kate does get set free, she's on another island, right? So where the heck is she supposed to go?

Danny or whatever his name is said that Jack "wasn't even on Jacob's list." Who the heck is Jacob? And why do I care enough to ask?

There are way too many characters on this show now, and the ones I care about (the minorities and Locke) aren't getting enough screen time. See ya in February, jackasses!!!

Happy Anniversary Magic!


Today is the 15th anniversary of Magic Johnson's announcement that he was retiring from the Lakers because he tested positive for the HIV

You're Finished!

With gems like, "If me and the wife are beefing..." how could Britney leave this genius??

This video shows him receiving a text message that she's divorcing him. Hahahahahaha. Let's just hope he gets ZIPPY in the settlement! I'm looking forward to getting my old Britney back.


07 November 2006

Maryland Brings Sexy Back


Congratulations Maryland!! NBC is projecting that you will have the Best Looking Governor in the United States, Mr. Martin O'Malley. Next the presidency!!!

No Effing Way!!

It's over for Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.

CNN has confirmed that the pop singer is divorcing her husband of two years and one month. Spears and Federline, one of the singer's former backup dancers, married October 6, 2004, according to the divorce papers.

TMZ.com reports that Spears filed legal papers Tuesday in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences." Spears is asking for legal and physical custody of their two children, 1-year-old Sean Preston and 2-month-old Jayden James.

The date of separation was listed as Monday.


What a crying shame. They seemed so perfect for each other.

06 November 2006

Heroes Rules Big Time

Is Linderman the new Lex Luthor? He is an unseen rich guy who uses Niki to blackmail Nathan, and now he has purchased one of Issac's paintings (the one Peter needs to save the world). What's his connection to all this?

I thought Niki would be gone and her alter ego (now named Jessica) would survive. But apparently nothing really happened when DL reached his hand into her guts.

I liked DL and Hiro teaming up to save the chick in the flaming car. I love love love The Petrelli Brothers. They should just make a Petrelli Brothers show. Nathan is the smoothest liar of all time. Let me ask this: When Nathan was on the phone with Linderman, didn't he thank him for returning the painting and tell him to send it back to the gallery? But then he told Peter that he couldn't get the painting. I don't know what side Nathan is on any more than I know what side Claire's father is on!!

The ending was great. The kid has power! I don't know what it is though. The power to make an out-of-order pay phone work. Don't know what good that is. And he knows his mom has a split personality. That kid is bad ass!!

Prison Break

The conspiracy returns. Finally! I should have known Lincoln wouldn't be caught for long. Some "friends of his father" come to rescue him. Who knew his father had a freaking posse?

OK, it's Prison Break, so I know I shouldn't ask these questions, but how the hell did Michael get that fax to Sara at the hotel? She was checked in under the name of a chick who died in front of her a day ago. Did he just direct the fax to the attention of a pretty young brunette?

The Sara/Michael meeting was pretty lame. She's like, OK what's the plan to make things right? And he's all, Let's go to Panama. Idiot. What's so great about Panama? Somehow Michael thinks Panama is the answer to all their problems. I thought he was going to invite Mahone along too.

Michael cuts himself on the arm. At first I thought it was going to end up that he cut himself over a strategic place in his tattoo (like last year's burn on the back). Then I thought, no, it's probably setting up him being shirtless with Sara. I was close! It brought back the old romantic doctor-patient relationship. For a little while. Til Kellerman intervenes!!!

The T-Bag Hilarity continues. He endures an inhuman amount of pain. He swallows the key to the locker of money. Then, in a brilliant move, the guards put a colander in the toilet and duct tape him to it!!! And it works. We are treated to the sight of T-Bag taking a dump - and then Geary washing off the key in the sink. EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!! When I saw T-Bag was tied to the radiator by his bad hand (bonehead move), I knew that he was going to try to FREAKING RIP OFF HIS OWN HAND IN ORDER TO ESCAPE!! I was jumping around the room and looking through my fingers. Will he succeed? Tune in next week.....

The Greatest Five Minutes of My Life

Our trip up North this weekend was great. It was perfect – jam-packed with most of the stuff I miss. Friday night, we step off the plane and it’s 40 degrees colder than it was when we got on it. Saturday morning I drove to Pennsylvania bright and early. It was a beautiful drive, with the mountains, red and yellow trees, frosted-over fields, and dead deer splattered on the road. Ahh… Pennsylvania. It was also butt-freezing. I had a great visit with the family.

Sunday we went to the Ravens/Bengals game, courtesy of My Good Friend Houman. We got to Baltimore early and walked around Federal Hill. I really do miss Baltimore. For all of its faults, it’s also a city with a lot of character, which I think is lacking down here in Florida when most people are from other locations in the country and don’t really form an identity down here. We made our way through a packed market, finally ending up at a stand with signs proclaiming, “Best BLT in Town” and “Best Half and Half.” Of course, I took this as a challenge that I had to take part in. And guess what -- they were!!!!!!!! Served up with heavy Baltimore accents, of course. I also love the tailgaters in Baltimore. It’s really insane the number of people in the parking lot, deep frying onion rings, grilling, and hooking up satellite dishes to the roofs of their vans.

This brings me to the title of my post. In the first 5 minutes of the game, the Ravens scored off a fumble and again off an interception. And it all happened on the part of the field that was right in front of us. I was losing my mind. I was propelled into a state of Football Euphoria. My throat kills today because I was screaming so much. Ravens held onto the lead and kicked Cincinnati’s ass. It was good times, good times.

Then AirTran had to be a buzz kill and delay my flight an hour. That’s why I usually take Southwest.

Anyway, it was still a perfect trip. Better yet, when we got home it was warm and breezy. Hopefully during next month’s visit we can go to DC and the old Owings Mills 'hood.

03 November 2006

I'm Outie Again

We're flying back home tonight. Basically, Mike's flying home to play poker. I'm going to visit my family Saturday. Then Sunday, Mike, Houman, and I are going to the Ravens/Bengals game. I've got all kinds of layers to wear - it'll be a 30 degree drop in temperature for me!

Top Chef

I caught up on Top Chef this afternoon. I feel bad that Pasty McWhitegirl got kicked off. She seems to have talent, but then again she oversalted her food. But those 2 meatheads are worse than her. Cliff is unstoppable. His food always looks good. Betty too for that matter - but more in the comfort food arena. I watched the show when I was hungry which is always a mistake. To paraphrase Jim Gaffigan, When you watch Top Chef when you're hungry it's like porn. Whip it up, baby!

So far I'm not blown away by this new host. I mean, she's still a little robotic. Not as bad as Katie Joel, but not great. She just has darker skin and a huge-ass scar running down her arm. I guess those qualify her to host/judge this show.

Friday Nausea

I watched The Duel this morning. I don't recommend that before breakfast. Beth and Nehemiah, seriously? BETH??!! She makes me sick. And then she makes me hate myself for letting her make me sick.

02 November 2006

The Terrorists Want to Ruin America

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (perhaps you know them as "Brangelina") have received death threats from al-Qaeda. Raise the security level! They must be protected!

On Thursday, Intelligence Bureau sources in New Dehli said that Brangelina have been provided with Y category security due to threats to their lives from al-Qaeda. British security experts were flown to Pune earlier this week and local police have been informed about the threat perception as the film is based on Pearl, who was assassinated by al-Qaeda militants in Pakistan after being abducted on January 23, 2002 while working on a story on Islamic militancy. Jolie plays the role of Mariane, the widow of Pearl.

Thanks for the breaking news, Mary!

01 November 2006

Lost: Revenge of the Smoke Monster

The Smoke Monster returns. We've never been told what that thing is, right? RIP Mr. Eko. I liked him, but his flashbacks were a tad boring, so no big loss. Also, they flashbacked to prior flashbacks tonight and that's just cheating.

I liked Juliet's video presentation to Jack. But I wonder if she's playing him or what. Looks like Jack will operate on Ben next week - he should just freaking rip his spine out.

Also, what's the deal with the pirate in the other station?

31 October 2006

Halloween Joke

This is courtesy of a kid who just came to my door:

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately!

Love it!

Campaign Ads Are Awesome

Check out this campaign ad, brought to you by the great state of Wisconsin. Hard to believe, but IT'S REAL!!! And real funny.

And stick around for the guy who says he paid for the message - would you vote for him? Not me, I'm voting for the guy who studies old guys masturbating.

UPDATE: The video was taken off of YouTube. If you haven't watched it, it is totally worth it. Nelson posts it on his website - click here and you won't be disappointed.

Happy Halloween!!!


It's the most wonderful time of the year! Eat too much candy tonight!

30 October 2006

Heroes

Niki isn’t content to just kill people – she has to rip them apart. Damn! I knew she was the one who killed those people in Vegas. And I also called Eden being bad.

So what happened at the end when DL put his hand through Niki? Maybe Niki 2.0 will go away and now Regular Niki will have power. I don’t know.

Hiro started to make the transition from Happy-Go-Lucky Hiro to Future Serious Hiro when he realized he could have/should save people. It was funny when he was so excited about having a sword in the future.

It is nice that, week after week, our Heroes are getting laid. You definitely want your Heroes to be happy.

Save the cheerleader, save the world.

Prison Break

Apparently, if you look like Michael Scofield, you can show up at a woman’s house with a clearly-photocopied FBI badge and not only will she answer all of your personal questions, but she will serve you coffee.

Poor, poor T-Bag can’t get his woman. Billick whacks him in the face – pow! For some reason, I didn’t see that coming. And Billick pulling out the stitches in T-Bag's hand one-by-one is horrid!

I liked seeing C-Note as a shot caller again, with his crew. Nice operation kidnapping his daughter from school. I'm glad he got his family together. The Burrows family ain't so lucky. LJ gets hit by a car and he and Lincoln get caught. WHAT??!! THEY CAUGHT LINCOLN???? Prison Break Season 3: Arizona.

Sad Celebrity Couples News

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have separated. The couple's rep released a statement to TMZ Monday morning that says "We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time."

I always liked them, but this was definitely a long time coming. Long live Brangelina!

Bold Proclamation Monday

That Colts/Broncos game was awesome yesterday. Especially the 2nd half. Peyton Manning is a machine. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's the greatest player in the NFL. Keep leaving him time to make plays!!

29 October 2006

Eating My Way Through Florida

We're back from Orlando. It was a really great trip. But Universal was a little bit counterfeit. I hate to say it because I hate Disney as an organization, but GD, they know what they're doing. Disney parks are far superior.

Luckily, we had coupons that got us both of our tickets for $35. Had we paid the regular price of $155 for 2 tickets, I would be bitter. At Universal Studios the rides basically blew, except for the awesome Mummy ride. Islands of Adventure had more rides, and they were fun. The weather was perfect - low 70s. We got there when they first opened and it was a little overcast. It was us and about 6 foreign tourists.

As is the case with most trips, my favorite part involved food. We ate dinner at Emeril's Tchoup Chop - Asian fusion cuisine. It was fabulous - that alone was worth the trip. (Full disclosure: I finally had alcohol - a glass of wine!)

Next time we go to Orlando we will go back to Animal Kingdom and EPCOT. They have new rides on which people have died. Which means they have to be good.

27 October 2006

Peace Out

We're off to Orlando for the weekend. We're going to Universal Studios tomorrow. I've never been to that park, and this is the first time we're making the drive, so I'm excited. I'll be sure to take pictures of the highway.

I'm Audi 2000!

Skeletons in the News


Nicole Richie has checked into a treatment facility to address her inability to gain weight, her publicist said Thursday. Nicole has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight.

Wow, I hope wherever she's going they have a team of 50 of the greatest minds in science. It's going to take a lot of Nobel Prize winners to get to the bottom of this.

Why the picture of Milo Ventimiglia? What, you'd rather look at another picture of that skeleton?

Friday Confession

I just downloaded "SexyBack" and "London Bridge" to my iPod. What's wrong with me? I'm so hurting....

Now I have to go dance around my house.

26 October 2006

More 24 Casting News

Another face from the 80s/90s!!!!

Powers Boothe has been elected Vice President on Fox's 24. In the recurring role, he will play Noah Daniels, the No. 2 to new U.S. President Wayne Palmer. Powers recently co-starred on Deadwood.

24 Season 6 Trailer

For those who couldn't see it on the website...

Lost: Have I Mentioned Lately How Much It Sucks?

Jesus, this show is just bad now. Sawyer tries to get all Michael Scofield and set a trap for The Others. But he's not Michael Scofield so that doesn't work. They take him and implant a pacemaker that will make his heart explode if he gets worked up. Only they don't. Because it was all a hoax.

Then we're treated to the cliche and lame-ass scene where seeing Kate change clothes makes his pacemaker-watch start beeping because his heart rate is rising. Clever. I know the show is bad because when it goes to commercial break, I make a snoring sound and roll my eyes. As opposed to when I watch Heroes and I say, "Woah. Rewind that." The only thing good was the last 1/2 second of the preview for next week. This show blows.

But I'm pot committed. Can't turn back now.

25 October 2006

I Can Hardly Wait for Christmas

I was in CVS this morning and they had CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS AND CANDY!!! Are they out of their minds? It's not even Halloween. This has to be a new record.

24 October 2006

24: Oh, I Get It, It's the 24th

The Season 6 trailer was released this afternoon at www.24trailer.com. Watch it immediately.

OHMYGOD!!!!!!! I cannot wait for January!! Baltimore has been attacked! Chloe and Karen got makeovers! Bill and Curtis are back! And a bearded Jack, looking like he's being released by the Chinese so he can sacrifice himself.

IS IT JANUARY YET??!!!

23 October 2006

Heroes


Nathan flies way better than Superman.

Hiro is the cutest. He's like an adorable puppy. If it weren't for him the show would be 100% depressing. He gives it some much-needed comic relief. Especially now that we know he turns out to be a freaking samurai warrior or something.

The endings are always the best, and this week was no exception. And next week, Niki's husband has powers too. This show could not get any more kick ass.

Prison Break

So Mike was right about Sucre and Michael being in cahoots. Unfortunately, T-Bag got the money so they're screwed. There was much homoeroticism in that river, no? And now the BFFs are splitting up!! *sniff*

I like that Dr. Sara is going all Fugitive now, stealing a dead woman's identity. I figure the code is about meeting at a hotel, since Sara has the first part: "Sundown Hot".

When they were like, "Where would T-Bag go?", Mike said a Girl Scout camp and I said a Boy Scout camp. I forgot about him going to seek revenge on the woman who turned him in. I am butt-excited for that!!!

22 October 2006

Because Baseball is Boring

Watch the Heroes marathon on NBC tonight. No football - what's up with that?

I'm a raving geek with this show. I know Mike's glad I like it too -- it could have easily been like Smallville where I watch it with him and make fun of it the entire time.

It is really really good. It's about more than just an indestructible cheerleader. It's got good writing, good music. There's a huge cast, and all of the stories are interesting. It feels real too, which is amazing considering the subject matter. And Peter Petrelli is the greatest superhero alter ego name since Peter Parker. Say it 3 times, it's awesome.

But you won't be able to see the first episode. The maker of a garbage disposal is suing NBC because the episode features the aforementioned indestructible cheerleader putting her hand down a garbage disposal. The manufacturer says the episode portrays their product in a bad light, because her hand gets mangled. Well, duh. I've never done it, but I've always been tempted to turn on the garbage disposal when someone puts their hand down it. And I'm pretty sure if I did it would be mangled.

The Duel

Ah, another Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Only they sprinkled some Fresh Meat in there too. I got caught up, but I missed the first 15 minutes of the first episode. That's usually where they give couples news - did I miss anything? Is CT sweet on Diem?

How stupid of Tina to punch Beth. But I guess she enjoyed it. Beth deserves it, but Tina is always good for some humor and bitchiness on this show. Beth is like 40 now, right? When is she going to give these things up? (Maybe when I stop watching.)

Every time these things start out I get confused about who people are. Which cast is Nehemiah from? Key West? And for some reason I was thinking about that punk girl with the pink or blue hair who was a cutter. Didn't she have a guy's name? Which RW was she on? Help me out! I just wonder what happened to her.

What is with Svetlana and Paula being BFF with Tyler now? Did Svetlana miss the part where Tyler cursed out her mother? Now she's like, Tyler is my protector. Whatevs.

21 October 2006

Trip to Naples

We drove all the way across the state today, to Naples. It's only an hour and a half away, but it's straight through the Everglades. No way could I make that trip in the dark - no lights along the highway! Just gators! Spookier than a cornfield in Pennsylvania.



Naples was really nice. The architecture is beautiful and European/Mediterranean-looking. There was an art festival going on, which was fun, but it was hot as hell. Naples seems to be inhabited by mostly rich, old people. My kind of crowd!

20 October 2006

Gay's Anatomy

I have never watched Grey's Anatomy, and I never will. But this story still pisses me off. Isaiah Washington can go screw. What pisses me off is, if the roles were reversed and the other guy had dropped the n-word, he'd be fired (and rightly so). So I hope this asshat is fired.

Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight has confirmed he is gay. The actor, who plays unassuming Dr. George O'Malley on the hit series, decided to go public after rumors began surfacing about his sexuality. Knight confirms to American publication People, "I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I'd like to quiet any unnecessary rumours that may be out there. While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of me." Media reports have suggested that Knight was forced out of the closet after details of a fight between co-stars Isaiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey became public. According to the National Enquirer, the two got into a fight while Filming the show last week and Washington allegedly yelled to Dempsey, "I'm not your little faggot like (name deleted)." The publication said they withheld printing the actual name of the co-star Washington mentioned "because of the extreme nature of the slur."

Unadvanced Cable

Advanced Cable stinks. Our cable went out yesterday, along with our internet. I can only live like the Amish for so long!!

I'll be able to get The Office off of iTunes, but of course only if my internet goes back up. Too bad Smallville isn't on iTunes! At least it didn't happen on a Monday. It better not be out on Monday.

19 October 2006

David Blaine Sucks

If you hate David Blaine as much as I do, you should find this hilarious. WARNING: Lots of F words contained herein!

18 October 2006

Project Runway: Auf Wiedersehen

The best reality show on TV is over. The big Jeffrey Controversy only served to make me dislike Laura. She started the whole thing and then is like, Oh I knew you didn't do it. I didn't think you cheated and I didn't want you to get kicked off. What? And was joking around with Jeffrey, like they're suddenly going to be buddy buddy. So I really wanted her to come in last.

I'm fine with Jeffrey winning, and glad Uli was in the top two. I think Jeffrey's stuff was great, and that his model Marilinda was the best model too. I think Jay is still the best designer of all of the seasons.

I will miss you, Project Runway. Come back to me soon!

Lost: The Polar Bear Can't Save You Now

Wow. Lost really blows. Am I wrong on this? This was a Locke episode and I still didn't like it! The polar bear was finally back and I still didn't like it! Maybe because Charlie was in it too and he and his mullet are hella annoying. Maybe because it was just bad. Maybe because Heroes is a shining example of a high-concept show that juggles multiple characters and storylines. What Lost used to be.

I couldn't care less about Lost now. Next week looks bad too! Tragically, I will continue to watch it. But I won't like it!

My Culinary Skills are Money


I don't know why people are doubting my abilities. Today I made this kick-ass peanut butter and tomato sandwich. Suck on that!

15 October 2006

My Bread


My bread turned out delicious and gorgeous! Yay Kenmore Elite oven, Williams Sonoma French bread pan, and Cooking Light!! And yay me!

Weekend

I've been having a nice weekend. Yesterday we cleaned the house, then Mike was craving chocolate cake. I made a new recipe - Sour Cream Chocolate Fudge Cake with Chocolate Satin Frosting - from Joy of Cooking. I lightened it up a bit (except for the butter, gotta use butter) - it was good. Today I'm further testing the new oven by making baguettes. Making bread is a tricky thing - I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The dough is currently in the rising stage.

We went to Markham Park today - Mike went biking and I walked around the park. I stayed on the grass and tried to take what little hills there were - that way it almost seemed like hiking. It's a perfect day today - 85, sunny, and breezy. People were grilling in the park, so that got me craving hot dogs. We grilled hot dogs and made a pretty good imitation of CPK's awesome grilled vegetable salad - grilled corn, eggplant, and asparagus, roasted red peppers, sundried tomatoes, and avocado. Yum.

To further our culinary adventures, Mike is making meat sauce this afternoon.

We saw The Departed last night. It was awesome!! Boston accents. Alec Baldwin. Matt Damon. Brutality. C words. It was funny too - I love the stereotypical Boston tough guy lines. They work for me. Leonardo wasn't even unbearable for me.

12 October 2006

24: It's Beginning to Get Re-Goddamn-Diculous

CHAD LOWE of all people is joining the cast of 24 as "savvy politico" Reed Pollock, according to a release from FOX. We're on to the C-listers now!!!!!!!

11 October 2006

Tonight's TV

1. 30 Rock was really funny and has potential to stay that way. No laugh track. Alec Baldwin. Tracey Morgan.

2. Lost sucks. So. Much. Ass.

3. Project Runway. I won't say anything mean about Albert Einstein -- I mean, Laura's husband. But Laura is a total bitch for whining and accusing Jeffrey of cheating. Why couldn't he have sewn all that himself in two months? He didn't do work like that before because he only had 24 hours to work on stuff before. He had more time and he's a professional who sews for a GD living and who can probably churn that kind of work out. What do I know, but I don't think he cheated and Laura's just jealous. I don't even like Jeffrey - why am I defending him??

Some questions:

How cute was Tim with Michael's family, and then in his dress shirt on the beach with his pale skin?

Does Jeffrey count as a heterosexual when his girlfriend looks like that?

Michael's going to lose, isn't he?

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor


This blog is brought to you by Fruity Cheerios. This cereal is MONEY!

10 October 2006

Star Magazine = The News

Popstar and America's Got Talent judge Brandy, 27, has fallen for Project Runway finalist Michael Knight, 28! The two hit it off after being introduced by an industry acquaintance while L.A.-based Brandy was in Atlanta promoting her show, says sources.

"He's the perfect gentleman and has really won her affection," says a source close to the singer. They're so smitten with each other that they're racking up frequent flyer miles. She even showed her support by sitting front row at Michael's show during New York Fashion week.


Wait.... Michael's straight??!!

BRONCOS BEAT RAVENS!

Billick not so happy:

09 October 2006

Serious Actresses Can Be Whores Too


She was the youngest ever nominee for a Best Actress Oscar. And now Whale Rider star Keisha Castle-Hughes' tender years are raising eyebrows once again.
That's because the 16-year-old actress has announced that she's pregnant, with a baby due next spring. Keisha is expecting the baby with her 19-year-old boyfriend Bradley Hull. The couple have been dating for THREE YEARS, although they kept it hush-hush in case it harmed Keisha's screen image.

Congratulations to the happy couple!