28 September 2012


We only get 13 more episodes of Fringe.  And they're in the Observer-run year of 2036.  I really wanted to do a massive rewatch of Fringe while it was on break, but I didn't.  So maybe it's a goal for after this season then.

Once we get accustomed to the future and the team of Etta, Walter, Astrid, and Pacey working together, Etta determines that amber gypsies have taken Olivia.  I guess they go around cutting people out of amber and then selling them to family members.  She's not with the amber gypsies because the little midget bookstore dude bought her -- and uses her as a coffee table.  I'm not making this stuff up, people.

They get ambered-Olivia into the back of a van but then Observers and their army of human slaves show up.  Walter gets separated from the rest and captured.  Olivia is freed from the amber.  YAY hi Olivia I love you!!  Lovely Bishop family reunion ensues.  Well, except for Walter, who is being interrogated by Observers, and not very nicely.  He's def being mindraped.  Boo Observers.

So it seems the years before they all got ambered-up went like this -- Etta "died" or maybe just disappeared.  After losing their kid, Olivia and Peter split because they were sad, and also he was a pussy and she wanted to go save the world.  Before she ambered herself, Olivia was bringing Walter a device to unscramble the plan for defeating the Observers that September had put into Walter's mind.

Etta hooks the team up with her Resistance friends, who sneak them in to free Walter.  The thought device doesn't help them, because Walter's brain got all effed up during the mindraping.

This Week's Code: DOUBT.

OK, look, I'm all for any kind of Fringe.  Truly.  But I miss my little team solving Freak of the Week cases.  There, I said it.

25 September 2012


We start with a one-week-before-the-blackout flashback and intersperse them during the show.  Oh, so this show wants to be Lost.

Bella's Dad really enjoys sword fighting.  I suppose it makes sense - bows and arrows and swords because guns are banned by the Militia or whatever.  Plus it just looks cool, which is really what I think this show is all about.  Authenticity? Nope.

They're in one of those bizarre bazaars - really, people sell spices on the street - when Bella's Dad starts fighting guys for reasons that weren't apparent to me.  Then he ditches the group for 2 weeks so he can track down a woman.  Only he can't get away from Miss Persistence, Charlie, who takes off after him.  That Quasi-Militia Guy Nate conveniently runs into her.  "Why'd you save me?" Because he wants to bone you, dummy.  This Charlie chick is really obsessed with her dingbat brother.  He looks like the biggest douche on the planet.  He can't be worth all of this trouble.

Gus Fring is such a badass that when he finds a guy with a gun and an American flag he burns it all up.  Gus Fring hates America!  He's also way too good for this show.

Monroe the Head Militia Dude is the guy from the shitty show The Cape.  He's an asshole too, stabbing a guy in the guts and trying to track down rebels.  And he has a team of prisoner/slaves pulling a helicopter.  Blah blah he's evil.  Nora, the chick Bella's Dad is looking for, is A) hot B) wearing a tank top her boobs fall out of and C) one of those prisoner/slaves.  Bella's Dad, Charlie, and Nora team up to kill all the guards, free the slaves, and get weapons for the Rebels -- with even more ultra-cool sword fighting. 

Nerdy Hipster Guy is left with Dull British Stepmom to try to find the woman he's supposed to give the Mystical Flash Drive to.  Too bad someone named Randall tracks her down first -- and he's got an electrical current.  The horror!

Monroe has Charlie's Mom prisoner, but the nice kind of prison where she gets to apparently shower, wear nice clothes, write with fountain pens, and have ice.  And I guess that was meant to be some kind of revelation, because the shows ends there.  Well now, that wasn't very exciting, was it?

20 September 2012

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons

The Challenge is back so YAY but also who are half these people so BOO.  It's the Battle of the Seasons, but I've only seen Austin (LOL divorcees Melinda and Danny!), the original Las Vegas, and Brooklyn.  Oh lordy Devyn has had a lot of plastic surgery.  She looks awful.

Didn't see Back to New Orleans, Back to Las Vegas, Back to San Diego (Jesus, they just kept going back to places?), St. Thomas, or Cancun, though I know Jonna and Jasmine from prior Challenges.  So yeah, I don't know more than half these people.  But on the plus side, 45% of the guys appear to be gay.

Right before the challenge, we're suddenly introduced to a new team -- Team Fresh Meat.  Well, thank god, now I know more people.  Big Easy's lost 70 pounds, but that doesn't stop him from falling into the water, quitting, and DQ'ing.  Fresh Meat loses.  The Power Team is Cancun, and as such they get to choose which team goes against Fresh Meat, and they choose Team Austin.  The Power Team also gets to choose the type of game that's played, and they choose Physical.

The Teams each choose (or else have chosen for them) a guy and a girl to go into the... Arena, I guess?  I don't know.  Ever since The Hunger Games I think something called the Arena should be more awesome.

Frank is your first hot drunken mess, as he gets hilariously, slurry drunk and rages against everyone until passing out.  Jonna's suddenly in love with Zach, but - shocker - she just started seeing someone.  Won't stop her from calling the BF and dumping him instantly.  Class.

Lacey and Wes choose to go in for Austin and Eric and Cara Maria choose to go in for Fresh Meat (well, Cara Maria has second thoughts, but, hey, she volunteered.  No takebacks.).

The challenge involves the competitors tackling each other in an enclosed tube.  Cara Maria wins. Then Eric wins.  Because, well, it involves tackling in an enclosed tube.

Bye-bye: Lacey and Wes.  That's got to be some kind of record for Wes.

18 September 2012


OK let's see if I feel like blogging this.  I'd love for this show to be good, but I'm already thinking it will be craptastic.

The heroine's name is Charlie.  Right off the bat, I have a problem with this show.  Charlie as a girl's name is soooooo 5 years ago.

The power goes out.  But not just the power, car electrical systems too.  Man, we can't even have batteries?  Everyone's screwed.  Welcome to my worst nightmare - no air conditioning or television.

Now it's 15 years later and we're back to ye olden times, where all the kids look Amish except for Charlie, who's now hot.  No one could figure out how to get electricity working? Really?  There wasn't some workaround someone could devise?

Charlie and her dad live in a little makeshift village, her mom having died a few years back. OR DID SHE?

Gus Fring comes riding into town on a horse with a posse loaded up with bows and arrows, because Gus Fring is a badass.  He's looking for Charlie's Dad and Charlie's Dad's brother a/k/a Bella's Dad.  (Team Bella's Dad!)  When Charlie's Brother, Danny, gets pissed and threatens Gus, chaos ensues, Danny is taken away by Gus, and Charlie's Dad is shot and killed, dying with enough time to tell Charlie to find Bella's Dad in Chicago.

Charlie, her stepmom-ish person, and the Nerdy Hipster Guy head out of the village.  You know, for the power being out, people sure don't look very dirty.  Nerdy Hipster Guy earns his nickname -- turns out he used to work for Google and was worth $80 million.  Well then, his life sucks now.  Did I mention NHG was given an emulet/flash drive by Charlie's Dad and that it contains something ~*~secretive~*~?  The trio make it to O'Hare and take a nap on a crashed plane, are attacked by randoms, and are saved by a dark, "handsome" stranger, Nate.

In 15 years would Wrigley Field already be overgrown with forest, like an ancient ruin?  I just don't buy it.  Chicago's looking hella old time, part Wild West, part Renaissance -- it's a weird vibe.  They find Bella's Dad easily enough, tending bar.  See -- there are bars. They can make booze?  I find it hard to believe cities would just be overrun with flora and fauna.  But I guess we have our priorities straight.

Gus works for whoever is in charge of the militia and they want to know how to get the power back on.  They think Charlie's Dad and Bella's Dad both knew why it went off and how to fix it.  Bella's Dad is the kind of guy who plays by his own rules and doesn't want to help Charlie.  Oh and Nate ends up being militia.  He comes back to get Bella's Dad with a bunch of militia thugs.  Too bad for them Bella's Dad is a goddamn ninja assassin.  He kills them all except Nate, who saves Charlie from a soldier and then runs off.  Okaaaayyyy.

Monroe, the Head Militia Dude? Used to be Bella's Dad's BFF.  He's in a big tented camp, with ice in his drink so that bastard figured something out.

OK, so Danny is a boring pain in the ass.  I mean, dull and stupid. He escapes from Gus Fring but then is recaptured by Gus.  I can already tell he's going to be the lamest thing ever.  Also, Charlie is pretty damn boring herself.  I'll watch for Bella's Dad, Nerdy Hipster Guy, and Gus Fring.

Oh wait - the dun-dun-DUN moment -- When Danny was escaped for 4 minutes he was taken in by some random chick.  That chick turns out to have her own emulet/flash drive thing, puts it in a computer, and types out a message: "The militia was here."  See?  Dun-dun-DUNNNNNN.

06 September 2012


There are times when I am reading through my celebrity/pop culture blogs and I literally scream out loud.  This is one of those times.  *cries* 

Amy Poehler and Will Arnett are calling it quits.

The comedic stars, who wed in August 2003, are ending their marriage, a rep for both actors confirms to PEOPLE. The couple are parents to two sons – Archie, 3½, and Abel, 2.

And their kids are so cute and moppish - one's a ginger!!  This stinks.

04 September 2012

Lawless is Pointless

I saw Lawless yesterday and haven't been compelled to write a review.  A pointless movie on a pointless blog - what's the point?  Lawless is a movie that just is -- it has no substance that stays with you, the story's not very compelling, there's nothing memorable about it.  It's cool to watch olde timey moonshiners in action - I guess?  It's violent, but even that wasn't very exciting.  Hell, I'm putting the poster of Gary Oldman on this post because I forgot (in the last 24 hours, mind you) that he was even in the movie.  Didn't amount to much screen time and wasn't memorable, so what the hell's the point of using Gary Oldman?

See it if you're a big Shia LaBeouf fan, I guess. Tom Hardy's fine, but he just kind of grumbles and snorts his way through the movie; his character doesn't have much personality.  The movie didn't really go anywhere.  Again, I just didn't see the point.  So you can feel good about skipping this one, unless you're hella into moonshining and Shia LaBeouf.  Then have at it and enjoy.

02 September 2012

Breaking Bad

Last week still hurts.  R.I.P. Mike.  But thank you, Vince Gilligan, for giving me Jonathan Banks. Love.

I think all Breaking Bad finales should fall on holiday eves.  I probably won't be able to sleep afterward anyway, might as well get the day off.

Mike's in the trunk and it's up to Walter and Todd to give him the ol' acid-and-barrel funeral.  Sooner or later, everyone ends up in a barrel.  Jesse shows up, but doesn't see Mike.  Walter says he's handling the situation with the 9 guys in prison.  Jesse really needs to just leave the ABQ.  Sweetie, seriously, just go.  Now.

Dennis the laundry manager is ready to make a deal with Hank.

Heisenberg walks in to a restaurant to meet with Lydia, sunglasses and all. Walt's there to get the list of names.  Really, dude?  What are you going to do, kill them all?  Ass.  But first, Lydia lays out a business plan -- she's ready to take this thing international -- time to bring meth to the Czech Republic.  He's in.  She gives him the names.  Walter had the ricin capsule under his hat the whole time.  But I guess the prospect of international diversification was enough to allow Lydia to live.  The ricin capsule goes back behind an electrical outlet faceplate.

Remember Todd's uncle with the prison connections?  That's who's tapped to kill off all the dudes.  He and his boys (including Devil!!) make the plans to hit the guys in all their separate prisons.  Whacking bin Laden wasn't this complicated.   Everyone gets viciously shivved, except Dennis, who gets burned the eff up.

Walter's at Marie's with the baby when Hank comes home, despondent that his case just got effed.  Poor Hank.  I officially want him to find Walter out and win.

Time for a back-to-business montage.  Walter and Todd cook, Lydia flies the meth out of the country, and Skyler launders the fat stacks.  Rinse, repeat.  3 months passes.  Marie's ready for the kids to go home already.  Marie's a saint.  I wouldn't watch my sister's effing kids for 3 months just so she can run a car wash.

Skyler takes Walter to a storage facility.   Inside is all the money she can't launder.  Tons of it.  She doesn't even know how much there is.  Fat. Stacks.  She wants her kids and her life back, so she wants Walter to see that he has enough goddamn money already.

When we get back from break, Walter's at the doctor again.  No follow up on that yet.

Just when I was hoping Jesse would just disappear from the story altogether (because that's actual preferable to how things are probably going to end), Walter pays him a visit.  There's a bong so he's getting high again. :(

The boys reminisce about their RV.  Oh man, those were some good times.  Walter gives Jesse his $5 million.  That's true love right there.

We see Jesse had a gun on him the whole time.  You know, just in cases.  Walter goes home and tells Skyler, "I'm out."  Man, don't you wish the show would just end here?  I kind of do.  Except not really.  Because I'm a glutton for punishment and I was to sufferrrrrrr.

Hank goes to take a crap during dinner at the White house.  And what does he find on the back of the toilet?  Leaves of Grass, inscribed to W.W. from G.B.  OH SHIIIIIIIIIIIT SONNNNNNNN IT'S ONNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!