30 October 2012


I think it was Jim Gaffigan who Tweeted something like, "I hope this whole Hurricane Sandy thing isn't a giant promo for Revolution."  You know, I wouldn't put it past NBC.

Gus Fring brings Danny to Monroe.  Johnny Crowder, the sadist interrogator, is sent after Our Gang.

Charlie, Bella's Dad, and Nerdy Hipster Guy are speeding off in a horse-drawn carriage with Nora in the back with her infected stab wound.  They go to some guy's mansion, a guy that Bella's Dad knew from his Militia days.  He's got a doctor in the basement who does a blood transfusion from Bella's Dad to Nora.  Meanwhile, Charlie takes a bath and then freaks out and rips apart all of her postcards.  She's just the worst.  The dude who owns the house is a bona fide creepy whackjob who peddles heroin and whores.  In exchange for his kindness, the dude wants Charlie to kill someone who has been burning his heroin.  So Charlie has to wear a dress and pretend to be an abused whore to get into the guy's compound.

Of course, Bella's Dad won't let Charlie be in any danger, so he does some swordfighting (naturally) and stops her from killing the guy.  Because the editing on this show is THE WORST, now Creepy Whackjob Dude has Nora and Nerdy Hipster Guy and is going to make them duel.  An old-school gun duel on his front yard.  NHG fakes shooting himself in the heart (by shooting a flask in his pocket) and then actually shoots Creepy Whackjob Dude.  R.I.P. Creepy Whackjob Dude.

This week's flashback offers us a look at Nerdy Hipster Guy and his wife post-blackout.  It's pretty much what you'd expect, with NHG being totally inept and not at all tough.  And he left his wife with a group they were traveling with because he felt so inadequate.  Loser.

In the end, Danny is reunited with his mother.  I hope she's not disappointed in what a wet dishrag of a man he is.

26 October 2012


Let's not talk about the crazy hours I've been working, the Halloween vacation I went on, the fact that I've seen 2 movies and not reviewed them, and the fact that I have 3 episodes of The Challenge to catch up on.  Let's just watch Fringe so I can go to bed and work tomorrow.

Peter's on the run from Observers who tried to read him while he was stealing gas.  The rest of the crew is digging out Tape 2 at Harvard.  And Old Broyles is having a confab with the Lead Asshole Observer because they've determined that someone is working for the Resistance and feeding Our Team information.

Tape 2's clue directs Our Team to a subway station.  But in order to get there, Walter first takes everyone downstairs where Walter has kept all of the evidence from their Fringe Division cases.  Random.

During the course of a mind-rapey interrogation, an Observer gets the traitor to reference someone called "The Dove" -- my money's on Broyles cuz he's acting hella on-guard and can block the Observers out of his head pretty well.  Sure enough, Broyles texts Ella to tell her the Observers are headed for the lab.  So the crew re-ambers the lab and sneaks out.

The team uses the old makes-head-holes-close-up gas (that stuff was awsome!) to get past guards and into the subway station.  I like the concept of them using the past Fringe case evidence and making weapons out of them.  But I don't know if that's something that's going to continue, or was just the gimmick for this episode.

So what they get out of the station is a giant scroll of an equation that Walter wrote and can't make sense of.  Broyles comes by and they have a sweet reunion, and he gives them some weapons.  Observers catch up to them.    Everyone shoots and runs.  Lead Asshole Observer catches up to Etta.  I suddenly think this show could get interesting if Etta dies. Time to lose the weirdness of a 5-year age gap between parents and child.  Get some drama and angst from her death.

Sure enough, Lead Asshole Observer shoots her.  And before she dies, Etta arms a bomb that wipes out a bunch of Observers.  R.I.P. Etta.  Nothing against you, kid, but I want my old show back.  And you were in my way.  This might just be the jolt the show needed.  Peter's at least going to be crazed for revenge.

This Week's Code: WOUND

16 October 2012


Gus Fring is hosting his own Fight Club.  Honestly.  He beats the crap out of Boring Danny.  Which should be awesome, but Shirtless Gus Fring is creepy.  Our flashbacks this week show Gus before the blackout when he was a regular joe, kind of a corporate idiot whose neighbors take advantage of him and he just passive-aggressively deals with life.  Reminds me of when we met John Locke in flashback.  Only 700% less awesome.  He's also married to one of Jack Bauer's old girlfriends and has a young son.  We see him go all crazy when a looter shows up to his home after the blackout.  He's had enough, dammit, he's Gus Fring!

Dull British Stepmom is in the ground, so Bella's Dad says it's time to stop whining and get going.  Charlie, stop whining?  Right -- that'll be the day.  They hear a train, and see Gus trying to get one going.

Nora goes to visit a dude named Hutch and uses the code, "I'm looking for a copy of Joe Biden's biography," which is apparently Resistance code for, "I'm cool."  She wants help blowing up the train.

Charlie runs into Gus Fring then Bella's Dad comes along to have a knife fight with him and then run off.  This show really sucks.  It's just a bunch of shoddly-edited-together scenes.  I don't get it.

So you know how Nora wants to blow up the train?  Guess what Charlie's whining about -- "What if Danny's on board?"  ENOUGH ABOUT DANNY!  When Nora sees that Danny is indeed on the train, she wants to stop the bomb, so Hutch stabs her.  Oh noooo the train is taking offfff.  Whoooo cares.

Bella's Dad and Charlie highjack a couple of horses to catch the train.  They bust in and Charlie laughably tries to fight Gus Fring.  Please choke her to death, Gus, please!!!  Bella's Dad literally reaches into the flames of the engine to pull out the bomb-booby-trapped log.  Good thing he got there in time to notice that a bomb-booby-trapped log was being used.  Effing random and awful.  Anyway, Nate comes out of left field (remember his dumb ass, the Militia Spy with a Heart of Gold?) to throw Charlie off of the train to protect her from Gus and then Bella's Dad jumps off after her.  These 2 idiots are back where they have always been -- looking for Danny, now tracking him to Philadelphia.

Oh so our big Shocking Revelation when Gus meets up with his wife is that Nate is his son, Jason.  Also, Charlie's Mom says there are 12 Mystical Flash Drive Pendants.

This show might be tolerable if it were more about the adults and the Resistance and less about the boring, whiny teenagers.  Alas.  This show gets really good ratings!!  I don't understand that at all.

12 October 2012


So I just watched the pilot for Arrow.  And I'm all in.  It's like Smallville but 1000 times better.  Cuz this guy actually kills people.  And the mystery of what happened to him while he was missing is cool.  Loved the pilot!

Over on Fringe, it's the Great Hunt for the Video Tapes.  The first one is Walter smoking a massive bong, and it leads them to a location in a Northern Pennsylvania forest.  Within this forest is... for old time's sake let's call them the Freaks of the Week -- people who look like they have tar all over their faces and live in some weird little village.

The shit-faced guys recognize Walter.  They're a group of refugees from the city who maintain an historical record of mankind.  Walter's tape sends them to an abandoned mine where they find an extra-tarred-up dead body.  The team starts developing tar spots as well.   They've got to get to the bottom of the mine to retrieve some kind of quartz crystals that are super, super important, you guys.  Some tar guy makes the sacrifice play to retrieve it.  The end.

Olivia does a lot of angsting over whether she was a bad mother. Boo.  I'm still not feeling this season.  Yeah, I get it, life is bad under The Observers.  It's also boring.  And I don't care about these ugly tar people.  The story on this one stunk.  ZZZZZZZZZZZZ

This Week's Code: ANGER.  Yeah, that about sums it up.  The next one looks better though.

09 October 2012


Dull British Stepmom and Nerdy Hipster Guy meet Bella's Dad and Charlie at the rendezvous point.  There is more walking.  They come upon dogs eating a deer.  The dogs chase them.  Taste the excitement, people!  Cuz honestly - it's so. boring.  Flashback to Charlie's mom leaving the family to "get supplies" - still. boring.  Oh wait - there's a STORM COMING!  That's exciting! 

Now to Monroe's palace where Charlie's mom is being held.  After sweet talking doesn't work for Monroe, Johnny Crowder is brought in to do some light torture.  I think.  I don't know, they don't show anything and then at the end they just come back to Monroe threatening to rip out Danny's molars in front of her.  That would be awesome.  Spoiler Alert: it'll never happen.

The Team of Idiots arrives at an amusement park.  That Quasi-Militia Guy is still following them; he just won't go away.  And now there's another guy watching them... WITH A DOG!!  When the power is out, dogs rule the world! 

Charlie is the worst character on television.  Stop whining, twat!  Let Bella's Dad do what he needs to do and stop giving him the guilt trip for not wanting to find your stupid brother.  Said stupid brother uses the cover of the impending storm (like, tornado-level storm) to get away.  But then Gus Fring is on him in 2 seconds, as if to further demonstrate how not-bright Danny is.  That's a new record - didn't he get away for about 15 seconds last time?

Time for more RUNNING FROM DOGS!!!!!  Dull British Stepmom is stabbed by Guy With Dog.  Lucky her; he nicked an artery so she gets out of this soon.  Then DOG MAN NABS CHARLIE!  And they talk each other to death.  Til Bella's Dad gets there for the KNIFE FIGHT wherein Quasi-Militia Guy stabs Dog Man!

So the storm comes but doesn't really, it just kind of peters out, much like this show.  But then the ceiling caves in on Gus Fring.  Will Dumb Danny save him?  Of course he will.  Because Dumb Danny is perfect.  Gus slaps handcuffs back on him.  Dumb Danny.

R.I.P. Dull British Stepmom.  I couldn't care less.  And this was after Nerdy Hipster Guy sewed up her artery.  Jesus, he had to endure the trauma of diner surgery for this bitch only to have her die 1 minute later?  Boo.  Oh guess what - now Bella's Dad isn't going anywhere.  Dammit, he almost got away!

08 October 2012

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons

Trishelle is gunning for Sarah because Sarah has her eyes on Alton and Alton is a whore. 

The Challenge is a crazy 5-legged race that involves hanging and hooks.  And it's suspended over water, as most Challenges are.  Eric hits the water right away, as Eric is prone to do.  Fresh Meat loses.

The Power Team is Las Vegas.  Trishelle wants Sarah/Brooklyn gone, but Alton of course defends his new BFF.  I'm not commenting on the fact that Alton's sitting in the back of the bus eating watermelon while they argue.  Nope.  Trishelle wins that fight.  I love that Devyn accuses Sarah of not knowing how to give a proper BJ. 

The Arena: A strategy game, with Cara Maria & Brandon being chosen to go against Sarah & Chet, who volunteered themselves.  The strategy game involves tying knots in a rope around a jungle gym; then the other team has to unwrap the rope.  Besides being a strategy game, it's a heavy-ass rope.

Bye-bye: Cara Maria and Brandon.  Aw, man, MORE PEOPLE I KNOW GOING HOME!!  This stinks.  I'll miss Cara Maria and her crazy Jack Sparrow hair.

07 October 2012

I Believe In Love Again

This is my favorite Odd Couple of all time.  They are filling the void left by Will Arnett and Amy Poehler.  Love them.  But can we call him by his real name, Tobias F√ľnke, please?

Amber Tamblyn and David Cross are married!

The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants actress, 29, and The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret actor, 48, tied the knot on Saturday, a rep for the actress confirmed to PEOPLE.

05 October 2012


Did I mention yet that Last Resort sucks?  It legit sucks.  And I had 2 people I trust recommend it to me!  Needless to say, I no longer trust them.  It's just a dumb, incomprehensible mess and godawful.  Ick.  Anyway, I just watched last night's and it's time to wash the taste out of my mouth with some Fringe.  Let's hope it tastes as good as it used to.  Cuz so far it tastes a little off.  It's weird when a kid and her parents are nearly the same age and when you're not sure what's been happening for 20 years.

Harvard has been taken over by Observers, but the team wants to get into Walter's lab.  "It's not a problem for someone who's done acid," says Walter.  He remembers tunnels beneath the campus.  They find the lab ambered-up and cobwebbed over.  An Observer loyalist happens across the lab and Etta whips out some kind of crazy torture/aging device on him.  Olivia's not so proud of her daughter any longer.  Walter rigs some pig's eyes so they can get through an ocular scanner to get into the science building so they can turn the power back on.  So there's a bunch of gross eyeball stuff which I hate.  Good old Fringe.

Etta and Peter go undercover into the science building where they see experiments being done on humans, brains in jars, etc.  Etta also sees her old pal Desmond's head - and only his head - surrounded by electrodes.  And it blinks.  YAY Fringe!

Using a laser from Walter's laserdisc player, they dig out a camera (Betamax, natch - Walter loves his outdated technology) and videotape. On it, Walter says that he laid out his plan on several videotapes which must be found and put together.  I'm sorry - is this the new Freak of the Week?  Videotape of the Week? It's Lord of the Rings with Betamax!  Mike makes some Harry Potter reference instead.

This Week's Code: FAITH.  As in, have faith that this will feel like my show again.  I miss my Freaks of the Week. :(

02 October 2012


I keep hearing them say "Annie" when they're saying "Danny."  This is fitting, since Danny is a giant vagina.

Rebel HQ is in a shitty chain restaurant.  They've taken on a bunch of casualties and things look grim and the Militia finds them blah blah blah.  I like that in a post-apocalyptic, Renaissance-ish world, Monroe's Militia has taken the time to develop a logo.  It's on all their tents and even branded on their skin.  Awesome.  Maybe Rebel HQ should do better than an American flag.

Shocker: Bella's Dad does what Bella's Dad does best - sword fighting.  I guess they really are going to do this every week....

This week's flashbacks show us Bella's Dad and Monroe's relationship soon after the blackout.  They tell us absolutely nothing.  But in the present day, we find out Bella's Dad was once the second-in-command in the Militia.  So what?  We already knew they were BFFs.  This isn't surprising to me.  But it's surprising to Charlie, who in her defense didn't know they were besties in the first place.  I guess we're meant to be afraid of the Militia because Badass Bella's Dad trained them.  Then we get a flashback where Bella's Dad was once the unstable, murderous one of the pair of Miles & Monroe.  Hey -- I like that the "M" in the militia logo might be for Monroe but could also be for Miles Matheson.  Lots of M's in this bitch.

Nerdy Hipster Guy and Dull British Stepmom are on a quest for the Mystical Flash Drive Woman, but she's nowhere to be found at her farm.  Her place is trashed and NHG finds the remnants of a computer that I guess he just assumes she recently used.  Because who would have a computer 15 years after the power went out, I guess.  Unless it was just for nostalgia.  Or wishful thinking.

At the end, the Mystical Flash Drive starts glowing, music starts playing, and DBS can see the photo of her kids on her iPhone.  And then the power goes out again.

The Challenge: Battle of the Seasons

Sarah's got jungle fever, all in love with Alton.  Well, as we know, his body is on point.  Exes Melinda and Danny both have significant others back home, so 10 bucks says they end up hooking up.

The challenge is some good old-fashioned, porny, trashy oil wrestling.  Really.  The fact that they have to wear helmets kind of kills the mood.  You know what's killing me this season?  The soundtrack.  We get it, dubstep is hot right now.

As for these people I don't know: 1) Knight is a fat dumb douche idiot 2) I love Laura's hair and 3) I got confirmation that Sam is a chick, so at least wrestling in bathing suits did that for me.

The Power Team is San Diego, and they choose Fresh Meat to go up against the losers, Austin.  Dammit - I'm losing all the people I know!  They also choose Endurance.

The Arena: Melinda & Danny (cuz that's all that's left of Austin) v. Camila & Eric (Fresh Meat didn't decide so San Diego chose).

Bye-bye:  Melinda & Danny.  Oh well, guess they won't hook up after all.  Til the next Challenge....

01 October 2012

I Love Drew Barrymore

I love Drew Barrymore.  I truly do.  And now she's named her daughter the name I love the most!  And I can totally picturing her saying "Olive" with her crooked mouth and it's adorable.  Is that weird?  Yeah, it's wierd.

Drew Barrymore and her husband Will Kopelman have welcomed their first child – a baby girl named Olive, her rep confirms to JustJared.com.

“We are proud to announce the birth of our daughter, Olive Barrymore Kopelman, born September 26th, healthy, happy and welcomed by the whole family. Thank you for respecting our privacy during this most special time in our lives,” Drew said in a statement via her rep.