Monday Night Reality

Lauren and Pasha are out on So You Think You Can Dance. I'm fine with Lauren, even though I think Lacey and her ass should have gone home before her. Pasha isn't a solo dancer.

I love how they went on Lockdown to give the results, like this is the Situation Room. Is Pasha gay, or just Russian? My gaydar is confused with Neil as well. Anyway -- go Sabra!!

As for Hell's Kitchen, unless they bring big sickly Asian Aaron back, I hereby pledge NEVER TO WATCH THIS SHOW AGAIN! It's just so shoddily put together. When the show went to commercial before the announcement of the winner, the music made it sound like someone was deciding whether or not to drop a nuke. I was singing DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN DUNDUNDUN DUN DUN all during the break. It was just a lot of build-up and convenient editing for an obvious result. No S Rock won! He was my man.

I Knew I Liked Rock

Rahman "Rock" Harper is the Executive Chef at B. Smith's in Union Station.

Hell's Yes! I love that place. No wonder he made fried chicken and crab cakes last night - those are the best things at B. Smith's. Go Rock!

My Burning Hatred for Hell's Kitchen Flares Up

I thought last night was the last f-ing episode. It wasn't until halfway through that I realized they hadn't even started cooking for the final service yet. OMG - it was only part 1!!!!!

The rigged final contest pissed me right off. Oh what a surprise! The owner of the restaurant has to break a 3-3 tie. That wasn't rigged at all! If it had been 4-1 they wouldn't have even brought the owners out. Goddamn I hate how obviously rigged this show is.

Robin Leach is massive.

Horsefaced Jen came back with all her dramatics. Julia cried like a baby. I used to like her, but she was crying like a spoiled brat. She really thought she'd make it to the Final 2? Really?

So it's breaking down as guys v. girls and they're trying to make it seem like Bonnie is a fighter but there's no way she can beat Rock. This show is depressing because it's making me conduct some self-analysis. Why am I watching something I hate so much? I suppose it's because Mike wants to. He owes me. Big time.

Hell's Kitchen Is Almost Over

The contestants had to reinvent classic comfort food. As if that hasn't been done on every season of Top Chef. The nanny doesn't know what Franks & Beans are and think they're British. She's retarded, right?

Jen is so unfortunate looking and was all over this episode with her crying and laughing and screaming. She's a nutbag. And she looks like dirty dishwater. She ended up being eliminated. Because they had to make it a photogenic finale, right?

Rock's been my man since Day One and should mop the floor with Bonnie. She's retarded!

Also, why was Chef Ramsay so damn nice? He's losing it. One more episode left!

Celebrating B&C's First Anniversary With Hell's Kitchen

One year ago I started this blog and one of my first posts was complaining about how bad Hell's Kitchen sucks, but how I can't stop watching. Wow, good to know I've made so much progress in one year.

Last night was actually good because of the moment where Chef Ramsay sent Josh home in the middle of dinner service. Just ripped him a new one and kicked him out of the kitchen. Bye bye Josh! He was a prick anyway. In the end he also sent Julia home. Chef Ramsay's turning into a softy because, instead of his usual "F off", he hugged Julia and said he would send her to culinary school. Waffle House Cook Makes Good. Gotta love that.

It's pretty unbelievable that the final 3 are: a talented, real chef (Rock), a dimwitted nanny (Bonnie), and a horse-faced twit (Jen). Go Rock!

Hell's Kitchen Stinks

But there's nothing else going on either.

Melissa moved to the men's team. That leaves the girls' team with three retards, yet somehow they win. The fix was in on the reward challenge. What were they gonna do, have the guys win the photo shoot? And no amount of makeup can cover up Melissa's chin.

Goodbye to Scabby McGee, her gross chin, her Jersey hair, and her Jersey accent. She was good for a while but she all of the sudden turned into Robobitch.

There was no real good Chef Ramsay quote either; next week we get "That looks like baby vomit" though.

Hell's Kitchen: Now With More Double Entendres!

The Nanny: "I love putting things in my mouth."
"Vinnie is ready to impress Chef Ramsay with his meat."
"Vinnie struggles with his meat."

Heh.

Only in L.A. would they have a restaurant like Opaque, where people eat in the dark.

Every year there has to be a dick customer who wants to complain and be on TV. This year it was a tall chick whom Chef Ramsay called a giraffe.

Chef Ramsay Quote of the Night: "F me senseless!"

Bye bye to Vinnie, his fat chin, and his man boobs. Next week: a wedding reception. Who would agree to have their reception in Hell's Kitchen? Ten bucks says they're actors.

I Slept on This Hell's Kitchen Recap

I am so sad that Aaron is gone. He was truly one of the great reality show contestants. I mean, the man was cramping getting out of bed. Two guys had to help him get dressed. Then he fainted - hard - in the challenge, banging his head on the counter. LOL! After being hospitalized, Chef Ramsay told him to go home. Dagger! Without him the show isn't as entertaining. Aaron made Hell's Kitchen a sitcom.

Julia rocked the breakfast challenge because she works at a Waffle House. I've been to a Waffle House - they do move fast. Julia also loves to put her fingers in the food. I've been to a Waffle House - they do love to put their fingers in your food. (Still good!) Again, these aren't real chefs - if you can't make hash browns you are probably a 7 year-old child. Or Joanna. Seriously, all she had to do was heat them the whole way through. Pretty hard.

I wish Chef Ramsay had seen Jen digging spaghetti out of the trash, washing it, quickly re-boiling it, and attempting to serve it. I think we would have had our first reality show beheading. She should have been gone for that, because that's just plain gross. But so is Joanna and her rancid crab. I was sick of her voice anyway. Smell ya later, Joanna!

Welcome to My Hell ('s Kitchen)

Ugh. This time of year again. I love to hate Hell's Kitchen; Mike loves it. What don't I like about this show? Let's see: the entire production. They replay the minute before a commercial break when they come back from the commercial break. The music. The "dramatic" pauses. The customers and how they bitch about a free meal just so they can be on TV. The narrator!!

Also, these people aren't chefs. They're cooks. One of them is a "nanny/personal chef" which you know just means that she makes chicken nuggets and mac and cheese for the kids every day. Another works at the Waffle House.

First impressions of some people:

Eddie: "What is it?" Oh my god, he's 5'2", has some disease, and looks like a Munchkin. It's just cruel to have him on the show.

Aaron: I don't know if I should call him The Fat Crying Asian or The Gay Slightly-Retarded Asian Cowboy. He's "slow", right?

Rock: I like him. The only thing he did wrong was use frozen gnocchi. Dagger!

Crying episodes: 4.
Chef Ramsey quote of the night: "That tastes like gnat piss."