Heroes Casting News

OH HELL YES!

This is one way to make sure I watch the next season of Heroes. T-BAG!

Robert Knepper, best known for portraying the colorful villain T-Bag on Fox’s Prison Break, has joined the cast of NBC’s Heroes. The actor will once again play a baddie on the series’ upcoming fourth season.

In at least six episodes of the season, Knepper will play Samuel, a Jim Jones type — charismatic but evil, with a twisted sense of humor — who will veer into the lives of all heroes. The character had been referred to as “Carnival Barker” in the series breakdown released last month.

Wait! What? No!

The May season finale is not it for Prison Break. A direct-to-DVD movie called Prison Break: The Final Break will be arriving on DVD and Blu-ray on July 21st.

It's going to fill in what happened in the 4 years between Michael's goddamned nosebleed and that epilogue. Here's the tragedy: I don't care, but I'm going to have to watch it. DAMMIT!

Prison Break: R.I.P.

I decided to just rip the band-aid off quickly and watch the final 2 episodes at once. Little did I know the finale was 2 hours long. Great. Three hours of the most painful show on television? Sounds like a Saturday night to me. I might need a drink. Yeah, that's a good idea. Mmmm... Woodchuck Cider.

The Not-Really-Brothers have been framed for the assassination of The Indian Whoever. And now the show has become Hotel Break. Long story short: they escape with the aid of manicure scissors and a refrigerator full of toilet paper. Literally.

The Gang's all back together, and the General picks a name out of a hat, choosing Michael Rapaport. He then has Rapaport's handicapped wife killed to drive home the get-Scylla-or-I-kill-your-loved-ones threat. Rapaport jumps out the window and into the harbor, swimming his way into a hospital. His stunt double in this first hour was particularly hilarious. Last I checked, Rapaport doesn't have straight, frosted hair. In the hospital, he's questioned by agents, and then Mommy's guy attempts to murder him.

The Indian Prime Minister hears a rumor that the Chinese are responsible for his son's death, and he decides he wants to kick their ass. He asks Mommy Dearest for the Scylla technology so he can blow them the hell up. Meanwhile, she reaches out to China to offer them the same technology. Wow, Mommy wants to start up an Indian-Chinese war? She's one tough bitch.

The Not-Brothers and Mahone get Scylla from Mommy when she's in a bank. They get separated and Mommy catches Lincoln. She shoots Linc while she's on the phone with Michael, letting him know that his Not-Brother will die within 5 hours if she doesn't get Scylla back. Meanwhile, the General sends T-Bag out to get Sara and they hold her in exchange for Scylla.

Michael rigs a bomb out of materials I didn't take note of, but they were probably candy necklaces and Cheetos, maybe some toothpaste. He meets up with Mommy and blows her man up, but she gets away with Lincoln.

Our old pal Sucre is walking the streets of Chicago with diapers under his arm when he's picked up by someone we don't see. This is the part where I clap my hands and yell, "I hope it's C-Note" in a high-pitched girlie voice. AND I GOT MY WISH!!! IT'S C-NOTE! OK, this is officially worth it now. I don't mind watching. I love you, C-Note!! I guess C-Note's deal with the feds has fallen through, and he wants to catch Lincoln and Michael and hand them over to Some Dude in exchange for his freedom.

There's far too much double-crossing going on here, as Mahone strikes a deal with Mommy. He'll get her Scylla in exchange for the safety of his wife and Lincoln's life. He likes Lincoln; he doesn't particularly care whether Michael lives or dies. But of course he's not really double-crossing, and is in fact working with Michael. This show makes me dizzy.

There's lots of lovely, hammy scenery chewing, as T-Bag does his nasty/sexy murderous/rapey thing with Sara. "I'll return you in one piece, but that piece is gonna be a little used." OH SNAP, SON! Sara's all, "I know you have neurologic e.d.; you can't do crap" and then Michael shows up and kicks T-Bag's ass.

Michael and Sara have half of Scylla and Mahone and Lincoln have the other half and eventually they're all reunited. Unfortunately, Lincoln is spitting up lots of blood. They take him to the hospital where Michael Rapaport is being questioned, and one of those agents arrests Mahone while Sara sneaks in to get supplies. Then The General's man nabs them and brings them all to The General.

The Dude working with C-Note and Sucre turns out to be Paul Kellerman!! Again, I guessed it was him, squealing his name, before they revealed him. OMG I FORGOT ABOUT PAUL KELLERMAN!!!! I knew you weren't really killed!!! I LOVE YOU TOO! They're bringing back all the Old Sillies trying to make me happy. It's working.

Sucre and C-Note nab T-Bag and torture The General's location out of him. They show up and shoot The General's remaining guys. It's up to Michael to decide whether he's gonna kill The General or not. Guess what he picks? Pussy.

They all run off to get Scylla to hand it over to Kellerman. Mommy shows up to their little hideout and Michael holds a gun on her. He actually pulls the trigger this time, but it misfires. Sara shoots and kills Mommy just as Mommy shoots Michael, catching him in the shoulder.

Michael and his gunshot wound meet with Kellerman, who is working for the Anti-Company and the United Nations. LOL, I don't know how the UN got involved in this mess, but why wouldn't they I guess. Kellerman says every last one of them will be exonerated. Michael has trust issues - go figure - but eventually turns over Scylla. Oh thank god.

Now everyone has a final meeting in a conference room, signing their little pardons. Why they have to sign is beyond me. I guess they have to agree not to sue the United Nations for their various gunshot wounds. They're all told that their loved ones are safe, and T-Bag is taken back to prison. Well isn't this just a happy ending?

As Michael and Sara walk along the beach, Michael's nose starts to bleed. Oh Christ. Didn't we get past those nosebleeds?

Four Years Later. Oh crap, I hate epilogues. Mahone mails his ex-wife a birthday card, and has hooked up with that black agent he was partnered with. HELLS YES! Lincoln is with Sofia, living on a beach. Sucre is with his daughter. C-Note works for UPS and lives in suburbia. Kellerman is a sexy Congressman. Michael Rapaport is a vegetable in a wheelchair. The General is executed in an electric chair. T-Bag is back in Fox River, with a twink holding his pocket like the good old days. Sara is with her son. And Sara, Lincoln, Mahone, and Sucre gather together... around Michael's grave. How dumb. What was the point of that? Ugh. I'm not sad... at least C-Note, Sucre, Kellerman, and Mahone lived.

Oh, Prison Break, I did so love you that glorious first season. I wish you had always remained Oz-lite. Instead, you're the perfect example of a show overstaying its welcome.

Prison Break

Michael's mixing a bunch of stuff together. That can't be good. He's also wearing a cable-knit sweater in Miami, and there aren't even any tattoos to hide anymore. He's so weird.

He ends up putting the chemical compound into the air vents of the Bad Guys' car. When the Bad Guys leave their car in coughing fits, Michael picks up his mother and throws her in the trunk. Happy Mother's Day! My pregnant girlfriend and I are duct taping you to a chair and interrogating you! You're welcome!

Mom reveals that Michael and Lincoln aren't really brothers. Oh good - they can have sex then, yes? What the hell, show? Why not just let them stay brothers? Up is down and black is white on this show. So big deal, Lincoln was adopted. They were still raised as brothers, that doesn't mean suddenly Michael is keen to betray him. All it means is that Mom doesn't hide her contempt for Lincoln. In fact, she essentially calls him a big, dumb ape no fewer than 3 times.

Michael drags his mom into the bathroom and threatens to drown her in the bathtub until she tells him where to find Scylla. He leaves, leaving Sara to watch over Mom. Mom seems to have Michael's gift for MacGruber-ing things, and rigs dental floss and a door stop to escape.

The General gives Lincoln and his boys one day to find Scylla. And he gives T-Bag instructions to kill Lincoln once he returns with it. He also tells T-Bag to kill the scientist dude they were questioning, which he does.

Everyone converges on the hotel where they're holding the energy conference. Lincoln heads inside and watches as the Indian Prime Minister's son is assassinated. Mahone and Michael Rapaport find their passports in a getaway car, determining that it's a trap. They've all been framed for the murder. Big deal, I say.

There are 2 more episodes? What? I thought there was just one, dammit.

Prison Break Double Feature

Twice the Fun or Twice the Pain? Definitely pain. I really don't like watching a once-kickass show die a slow, painful death. I figure if I knock out two episodes at once it'll go away quicker.

Dear God this show hasn't been on in ages, and it's been eons since it was any good. The Brothers' mother is the bad guy now, that's all I know. That, and it's set in Miami now.

So Lincoln's trying to get Scylla to the General and Michael's trying to keep it from him, right? I think we're supposed to be impressed that Mom is badass and threatening and at odds with the General. I'm not.

Lincoln follows some clues Mom left to meet up with her. She claims she's going to help and find a way for the Brothers to live free, but she's a manipulative psycho, so I don't know.

Sure enough, Mom orders Lincoln to be gunned down, but his buddies Mahone, T-Bag, and Michael Rapaport see the gunman first and prevent it. They end up following Mom to the Indian Embassy of all places. WHUT!? Please tell me this isn't just an excuse to make a circular Taj Mahal reference back to the first season. Oh Christ. I think it is. Plus Mom wants to partner up with India on Scylla.

Michael (who is fat now) and Sara stow away in the back of a semi. When it is commandeered by a Company agent, they break out the only way they can - MacGruber style. Naturally, they also find some random clue on a piece of paper in the dude's pocket.

Sara somehow gets into a friend's Miami condo. That's convenient, that she had that friend, with that condo, who wasn't in it, and somehow had a key. And as if that weren't enough of a violation of her friend, SARA TAKES ONE OF HER PREGNANCY TESTS!

A. Why does the friend have a pregnancy test in her medicine cabinet if she only uses the condo once a year? Women don't keep pregnancy tests around. They buy them when they need them, take them quickly, then get the morning after pill. B. When did Sara have the chance to get pregnant? I can't even recall them having sex. I should expect nothing less from this show, though. By which I mean I should expect nothing.

Michael and Sara follow the Random Clue to a car and determine that the driver was to pick up some Sandinsky dude at the airport. So they head to the airport to pick him up. Luckily, it's a small airport so Michael can go through all of the flight logs with all of the passengers in 4 seconds flat. He can also break into the Air Traffic Control tower and force the one guy working there to tell the plane to land where he and Sara can get to it. They nab Sandinsky as he's coming off the plane, chased by Mom's people, who also want Sandinsky.

Mahone saves their lives, but Lincoln's Gang gets Sandinsky. And, oh great, Sara's pregnant. This show stinks.

Only TWO episodes left. Best news I've heard all day.

The End of an Era

Prison Break has been canceled. Put out of its misery way past its time.

Thank god because now I don't have to waste an hour every week.

Prison Break

While Mondays usually mean 4 shows being taped or watched, tonight there was only one. And unfortunately it has to be Prison Break.

Linc, Gretchen, T-Bag, and Michael Rapaport are in Miami to try to get the computer card that can save the world or whatever. Mahone pops by to join in for some reason too. There is much scheming and secretive meeting, and Gretchen gets shot.

Michael is being held in a house and is told that his mother is alive (no one on this show ever stays dead) and working for The Company. The Company wants him to work for them, and is like brainwashing him and chemically lobotomizing him or something. But Michael rigs some nonsense and escapes. He does a LOT of running for someone who just had brain surgery yet shows no outward signs. Sara shows up and grabs Michael, after the Bald Bad Dude's daughter told her where he was.

I thought Kathleen Quinlan was a real actress. What's she doing on this show playing Michael's mother? Michael's mother who appears to be behind all this computer chip stealing business.

Only 6 more episodes left (maybe forever), and it's not back til the Spring.

Prison Break

Denise Crosby's operating on Michael Scofield. And she looks Old. As. Balls.

He has convenient flashbacks and a visit from dead Westmoreland during surgery. Thanks for reminding me how good this show used to be. Oh to have Season 1 and Fox River back!!

Michael survives the surgery, though during it he was injected with something weird which I'm sure will come into play at some point.

Lincoln uses pliers to pull out T-Bag's teeth until he tells him where Gretchen is. Christ, Lincoln, YOU ROCK! Linc and Sucre head to the exchange point where Gretchen and Michael Rapaport await the buyer. The buyer steals Scylla after a shootout where everyone is a horrible shot despite most of them being trained government agents.

Mahone escapes his transport and runs through the woods. Agent Lang lets him escape. Of course she does. True love forever!

Speaking of true love, Sucre drops out of the Gang. Adios, Papi, don't go away forever por favor!

Also, Scylla apparently holds the secrets to harnessing solar energy. I'm not kidding. Like, at all.

Prison Break

Linc totally pwns Michael Rapaport. Rapaport's all, It wasn't personal, it's business, come on, I'll let you meet the buyer.

T Bag doesn't kill a bible salesman, even though he thinks he's a Company agent. It was a crazy tense scene where he was going to kill him, it was awesome. And then he ended up being a Company agent after all, and pwned T Bag. That was cool.

Michael uses hair spray, a lighter, pipes, and duct tape to make a gun. I'm not kidding. It shoots tear gas canisters.

There was loads of punching and shooting, as The Gang tried to doublecross Rapaport and The Company caught up with them as well. And then there were the nosebleeds, as Michael's tumor caught up with him. He passes out and The Company picks him up.

Mahone meets with his old friend Kickass Agent Lang. He needs her to get him access to the Attorney General. But she ends up betraying him and having him locked back up. DAGGER MAHONE!!!!

Lincoln shows up at The Company to get his brother back. They say they will operate on his tumor in exchange for the computer chip thingy. The General gives Lincoln a file labeled "Tombstone II" - a sequel to the movie, perhaps?

Prison Break

In tonight's episode, Michael Rapaport double-crossed The Gang and now they're pissed.

I love that Gretchen always has perfect red lips and perfect red nails. Makes her even more badass.

I love that The Feds always wear suits. Undercover sneak attacks be damned. The Feds capture Linc and end up offering The Gang a deal. Another effing deal. Homeland Security determined they're telling the truth, and that Rapaport screwed them. But they need them to testify against him.

Meanwhile, Rapaport forces Gretchen to work with him to try to sell The Computer Chip of Awesomeness. But he can't sell it - because it's not complete. Michael took a piece of it off before he turned it over.

So Michael shows up to the warehouse where they're holding Linc to strike their deal. But it's another double-cross. Or something. I can't keep track - maybe it's a quadruple-cross? Cuz The Homeland Security Dude goes to shoot The Brothers, but then Another Dude shoots That Dude to take The Brothers to the Bald Bad Dude. But Sucre busts in and then Lincoln shoots That Other Dude.

This show stinks.

Prison Break

The Big Bad arrives in the basement. In an elevator. Well, The Gang didn't need to do all that digging, did they? They could have just taken the freaking elevator!!! I'm sure they could've devised a system for breaking into an elevator that would have been easier - and less deadly. RIP Bellick.

The Gang gets what they want from the basement (I guess) and takes the Big Bad hostage while they try to think of a way out of the building. Because now it's all under heavily-guarded lockdown. Across town, Sara takes his daughter hostage, and tells him to let The Gang go or she dies. Sara ain't messin' around. She was totally badass holding a gun on that chick!!

After weeks of trying to be all secretive in T-Bag's office, Gretchen goes all Commando on the place, holding everyone at gun point. T-Bag's secretary, who's really an agent, busts up the party and nabs T-Bag.

The Gang gets out and gives the computer thingy to Michael Rapaport. Oh, so the show's over, yes? Mission accomplished?

After some "it's all over" celebrating, which is of course a sure sign that it's NOT over, Rapaport kills his partner in front of T-Bag. And the Papers of Freedom he gave to the Gang - blank! Sorry guys, it's not over yet.

Prison Break

Oh Sucre, your drill is soooo big.

That's literally all I typed during this episode. There was a botched attempt to get the card, more oops-T-Bag-almost-got-caught malarkey, and loads of drilling to get to... whatever it is they're trying to get. I still don't know!!!

Why am I watching? Mahone is awesome, it's something to watch, and Lincoln's tattooed arms. In that order, and all-inclusive.

Prison Break

Back to digging. And tracking down the architect of the building. And passing out from tumors. Worst. Collapse. Ever.

Bellick was not a nice guy, OK Sucre? I know the writers want you to feel bad for him, but all I can remember is how he set Tweener up to be raped in the first season. And killed a cat. He was a bastard. Jesus, even T-Bag gets teary thinking about him!

I don't care about this architect, nor his wife, who for some reason helps Mahone by giving him a key for the map. I don't care that T-Bag's secretary has been working for Homeland Security all along. I don't even care that Michael has a tumor and needs immediate surgery.

I. Don't. Care. Period.

Prison Break

The Gang has the Big Black Assassin and Linc's beating the crap out of him. With Mahone semi-patiently waiting for his turn.

The Gang heads to the office building to find whatever it is they're trying to find in the basement. They start digging. Oh, not digging again. Good lord, every season there's digging. "Can you dig it?" That makes me miss C-Note.

Once they get what they need from the Assassin, Mahone gets him. And he brings a defibrillator with him. The Assassin killed his son and the Assassin is GONNA GET IT!!!!! He doesn't disappoint - there are needles placed through fingertips, loads of whispered threats, electric shocks, and agonizing pain. I LOVE IT!

Mahone makes the Assassin apologize to his wife. Nice touch. Then he handcuffs the Assassin to a cinder block and tosses him into the ocean. NICE!

Gretchen shows up to the Bald Bad Guy's office and I'm like, "He's her father, isn't he?" No, because they start kissing. Gross.

Quote of the Night: "We're goin' together, like traffic and weather." - T-Bag

R.I.P.: Bellick. He sacrificed himself so that the boys could successfully tunnel through a water pipe. Aw, poor Brad. He was a slimy bastard, but was more sympathetic lately. Which only meant he was marked for death. But on this show? You never know.

Prison Break

Michael drops the news on Sara that Gretchen's alive. Alive and joining up with the team because they need information that she and T-Bag have. Sara no likey Gretchen, because Gretchen tortured her ass and fake-decapitated her.

The Asian Guy's grounded because he lost the device in the casino. He texts the Big Black Assassin, asking how much he wants for Michael and Lincoln. The answer: a cool million.

This week's plan involved crashing into the Bad Bald Guy's limo, pulling him out, getting his card, etc. The whole thing goes pear-shaped when the Asian Guy rats them out. Sucre is shot, but Dr. Sara performs some icky surgery and saves him.

Gretchen offers Sara a cease-fire - and the chance to whip her like she had whipped Sara. Hot. Instead, Sara just lets her know she's pissed that Gretchen killed a guard who helped her escape. And that she will have her VENGEANCE!

The Assassin treats the Asian Guy the way any rat should be treated - he backs out on his end of the deal and shoots him in the knees. And the gut. The Gang shows up and Mahone beats the living crap out of the Assassin. Go Mahone! And R.I.P. Asian Guy.

Prison Break

Gretchen has T-Bag tied to a chair. She cuts him all over his arm. His good arm!

Ocean's Eleven time - The Gang's goin to Vegas! Half of them anyway; the rest are staying to try to find T-Bag. T-bag finds them, as he and his secretary lure them to a meeting and kidnap them. Mahone gets away, and gets the tracking device from Michael Rapaport so he can find Bellick and Scofield.

Yes, T-Bag still has the ability to tie people up with his one good hand. (He ended up tying up the secretary somehow as well.) He forces Scofield to put together the map from the Bird Book pages, a map which turns out to be a blueprint. Their work is interrupted when Gretchen, watching from another room, sees Bellick's ankle monitor and knows they're being tracked. So they split by the time Mahone shows up.

The blueprint is for the Gate Company building where T-Bag was working. T-Bag takes Scofield there and they find a secret door in the floor. He takes him down to the basement, where Mahone is waiting. They lock T-Bag in a room and tell Michael Rapaport to come get him.

Meanwhile, in Vegas, the data card reader doesn't work in the Casino, because it picks up too many electronic devices. Sucre follows their target (Mike from 24) to the pool. Well, guess what - the target is gay and Sucre's smooth 12-pack abs are just the thing to lure him!!! Luckily, he's not just gay, he's a creepy, rich gay willing to pay for sex. He invites Sucre up to his room for cognac and balls. But - LOL - it's just a classic Prison Break misdirection. Turns out he's an old impotent dude who wants to pay Sucre to bang his young, hot wife.

The Asian guy gets caught trying to cheat in the Casino, because that's essentially why he created that reader device. He had cheated in the past and Security confiscates the device. Oops. Now he has to build another device. Why don't they just go steal it back?

Gretchen calls the boys and says she has the rest of the book. If they want it, they have to give her back T-Bag. Why does she care about T-Bag so much?

Michael Scofield Nosebleed Situation Update: It's apparently something that happened to their mother too. Nosebleeds as a kid that start back up when they're 30, resulting in death at 31. Michael just turned 31. Dun Dun Dun!

Prison Break

The Gang's at the race track, acting all Cut-Rate Ocean's Eleven. Ocean's Six? It's a typically-convoluted way to get one of the cardholders into a room that has the data-copier-thingy.

Mahone gets caught and arrested when he punches a cop at the track. Not even Michael Rapaport can get him out of jail; he just gets the data-copier-thingy from him and abandons him. No sympathy for Mahone - the gang moves ahead on the plan without him.

Gretchen, who escaped her torture last week, visits her sister in California. She picks up a gun and some cash that she had stored there. VENGEANCE! I, unfortunately, do not have such a stash at my sister's house. And also Gretchen stashed her kid there, for her sister to raise. Lucky for the kid.

The Gang has a conscience, as ever, and they go to the court house to rescue Mahone from his arraignment. The assassin dude shows up to the court house and he and Mahone have a Stare-Off. In my opinion, Mahone wins. Mahone always wins.

How do you break someone out of a court house? Duh - stage a blackout.

I'm really hoping that by the end of the season Mahone has his vengeance and kicks the assassin's ass around a bit. That's the most interesting plot line of the show for me now.

Next week: They actually go for the full Ocean's Eleven rip-off - in Vegas. With Sucre used as bait for a gay dude. Awesome!

Prison Break

The Gang has identified one of the Bad Guys as someone who works with Michael Rapaport. So they give him the techno-gadget thingy so that he can hopefully download his data card thingy. The data card is in the guy's safe. So it's Blueprint Time! The Gang has to break into the building, into the safe... you know the deal by now. They succeed. Of course.

Mahone meets up with his wife. Did he make her grieving ass fly out there? Inconsiderate. She identifies their son's killer for him so that he can enact his VENGEANCE! She brings him a gun. Best. Wife. Ever. Mahone is simply The Man.

The black assassin guy chases Dr. Sara, but she gets away. He goes back to questioning Gretchen. By which I mean enacting some kind of smell-torture on her. Later, Gretchen totally overpowers a guard and escapes because she is One Tough Bitch.

Bellick and Sucre go to T-Bag's office, asking if anyone has seen him. His big-boobed secretary covers for him, saying she's never seen him before. Of course her nosy ass asks T-Bag what's up, and blackmails him for cash so she'll keep her mouth shut.

And again with the nosebleeds, Michael!!

Prison Break

What's going on in this show? Oh right, cards. A hunt for data cards.

The guys are sitting around outside and totally see T-Bag and there's this great moment of W...T...F...? as he and Lincoln make eye contact. And then T-Bag takes off running. High comedy. They catch up to him, but he's hidden the bird book they're after and he gets away when police are eyeing them funny.

T-Bag shows up to the job he's been given (he being the identity he has assumed, the identity that was meant for Whistler). He's supposed to be some amazing salesman for the company. Good thing all that backwoods-pedophilic-murdering gave T-Bag the skills to blend in and improvise. *rolls eyes*

There's a lot of MacGyver-ing that goes on, allowing the boys to infiltrate a police fundraiser in order to get one of the data cards. They get it. And shiv a Company guy along the way, for nostalgia's sake.

Michael keeps getting nosebleeds that I keep forgetting about. Must be a tumor.

Prison Break

So the gang is back on their mission to find the other 5 data cards, whatever they are. They have to find another within 24 hours or they're back in prison. Ooooo. The suspense. Cuz that'll be a short season if they don't!

Lincoln overhears Mahone telling Lang (Hi Agent Lang!) that the bad guys killed his son. She did some research into who was responsible so now Mahone can enact VENGEANCE! And act CRAZY!

There is much solving of codes and puzzles. Good thing some of these guys are smart. And the other ones are named Sucre, Bellick, and Lincoln. Lincoln's good with an ax, and that's about it. Like the one he Linc!Smashed against a window to free Michael from a server room.

There is much chasing. I couldn't even figure out why they were being chased, but they were. A lot. And then they were caught. And released. Honestly, this show confuses me. I guess I should pay attention to the dialogue or something.

Sara's pal Bruce got killed after not giving up her location. Next week they all run into T-Bag.