31 December 2010

The King's Speech

Here's a movie I thought I'd have to see on my own. But I forgot that Mike fancies himself a monarchy buff, and so he wanted to see it too.

The King's Speech is the story of the stuttering, reluctant King George VI, and mostly about his relationship with his speech therapist and friend. Not being a student of history, I knew nothing about the story going in. Colin Firth is really good as the King, and they're saying he's going to win the Oscar this year. It's not some big, showy performance, but rather one that makes you feel his struggle and frustration as he deals with both his speech defect and his duty to lead his nation.

It's one of those typical, reserved, quiet little British films that is often funny and always charming. Geoffrey Rush is also very good as the supportive, quirky therapist. Apparently the King and the therapist came to be quite good friends and lived happily ever after. That's just lovely. Anyone for tea?

Baloney & Cereal Twenty-Ten Sillies: TV

I still have a few movies to see before I make a Best Of list for 2010. But I can start with my true love, television. Do I watch a lot of crappy TV or something? Because I can only think of 6 stand-outs. And yes, I realize I need to start watching Breaking Bad. It's building up on my DVR, promise.

Best Shows:

6. Lost. With my lack of long-term memory, it's hard to believe this show was still on in 2010. But May 2010 brought us an amazing season finale. It was all I could have asked for - I thought it was perfect for this show. And I cried my balls off.

5. Being Human. I picked this last year too and begged America not to remake it. America ignored me, and an American version is set for 2011. I'll give it a chance, but no way can it be as amazing as the British version. You really have to do yourself a favor and check it out.

4. The Walking Dead. I watched it for the zombies - and there were plenty - but it was also this great study of different characters, and what happens to people when the world falls apart around them.

3. Community. Team Troy. This show is always hysterical, sometimes genuinely touching, and does meta jokes better than any show ever. It's just a good time. Watch the paintball episode immediately.

2. Mad Men. 2010 was The Year of Mad Men for me, as I finally got caught up. It's just so amazing. I view it as a comedy most of the time, because the things they got away with in the '60s are hysterical. I laugh at everything inappropriate. And I really loved this season -- especially the Peggy/Don-centric episode and the finale. The writing on this show is like poetry. P.S.: Betty Draper is a giant C. Team Sally.

1. Fringe. Sigh. This year brought us the Great Peter Reveal and episodes that alternated between Universes. The show is about bizarre things while still being focused on real (and tragic) family relationships. I. Love. It.

Worst Show I Can't Stop Watching:
The Event. I watch it solely to make fun of it now, and to yell at my television whenever That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend take up space. I still swear it could have potential, but it tries to prove me wrong on a weekly basis.

Worst Show That Pisses Me Off:
I loved Chuck so much back in the day, but I just have not been vibing with it this last half of the year at all. I still watch it for the brief moments of happiness it contains (read: Morgan and Lester), and in the hopes it gets better. I think the whole Chuck/Sarah relationship is a bust. I hate the relationshippy show it has become.

Worst Show I Don't Watch: Glee. I haven't watched a second of it since the series premiere, and I still hate that show more than any other. Die.

Oooo wait. If I add Tosh.0 to the Best Of list, then I'll have a list of 10 shows, which is pretty close to those accepted-by-society Top 10 lists. And Tosh.0 is the funniest show on TV. Huzzah!

30 December 2010

True Grit

First off, you won't be able to leave True Grit without speaking like Jeff Bridges the rest of the night. That's a guarantee.

Secondly, can I just say -- Jeff Bridges is a national treasure! Seriously. Tron aside, that man is awesome. He was so lovably tough, drunk, and curmudgeonly in this movie you just want to squeeze him and bring him home.

So the movie's set in the Wild West and it's about a girl seeking retribution for the death of her father. She's got Jeff Bridges as a US Marshall and Matt Damon as a (very proud) Texas Ranger helping her out. The girl in the movie is amazing, and I think it's her first movie. The character is a wise-beyond-her-years girl, but she doesn't come off as cloying or annoying. She's cool under pressure and smart, and before you know it she's charmed you into going along with her, forgetting how young she is.

The movie is a remake, but naturally I never saw the original (too old). I wonder how different it is, because this movie just has Coen Brothers written all over it. I've gotta figure they had a hand in punching up the dialogue. It's just like all of their other movies -- smart, funny as hell, punctuated by violence. It's just delightful.

What I can't figure out is how in the hell the movie got ignored by the Golden Globe Awards - no nominations? This doesn't bode well for Oscar season, and I thought for sure this one would be a contender. Eh, whatever, awards don't matter - it's a great movie you should check out.

28 December 2010

Top Chef All-Stars

Quickfire Challenge: Make stuffing. Yep, stuffing. Yum. For whatever reason, they are given the added challenge of not being able to use knives or other kitchen tools. So they're grating cheese on the pantry rack, tearing vegetables by hand, and stirring things with celery stalks. Tre and his awesome-looking Southwestern stuffing won. Yay Tre!

Elimination Challenge: It's a 2-team challenge based on the US Open -- so they go head-to-head, there's some kind of points system, oh who the hell knows - they always stretch for these themed challenges.

The team with Richard, Carla, Fabio, and more wins -- and Jamie's dumb ass never even gets to put her undercooked beans up. I still have a girl crush on Jamie, but I'm beginning to think she can't cook.

Winner: Carla and her African peanut soup. Looks yummy. Good for Carla!

Bye-bye: Spike. Damn. Jamie wasn't even on the chopping block because she didn't compete. But really that's her team's fault for not forcing her ass to serve her nasty stuff. And Spike shouldn't bitch about Angelo messing with his dish -- knock the douche out!!

22 December 2010

I Love Random Stuff

The Under Underground series is always good on Saturday Night Live. Holy crap - this one had me on the floor crying. Literally!

Between this and some kickass Eminem performances, this is shaping up to be a good episode!

Top Chef All-Stars

Quickfire Challenge: Team mise-en-place and dish prep race. Always love those races. This time they're doing lamb, garlic, and artichokes. Richard, Spike, Trey, and Stephen won.

Elimination Challenge: Each team eats at a fabulous NYC restaurant and then each individual makes a dish that would be suitable for that restaurant. Two people will be sent home.

Big Fatty Stephen is a connoisseur of fine NYC dining. This comes as no surprise. Fabio has to make French-Vietnamese. Well, he's screwed.

Winner: Asian Dale. YAY! Asian Dale's the man, and his egg-dumpling breakfast dish looked cool.

Bye-bye: Stephen and Gay Dale. Wow, Fabio really skated by. Thank god I don't have to look at Stephen's fat face anymore.

21 December 2010

Tron: Legacy

Honestly, I only saw this movie because I am a Supportive Wife and it has a Daft Punk soundtrack. And you know what? It wasn't as painful as I thought it would be. It was actually enjoyable, which is high praise from me when it comes to Tron.

We watched the original the weekend prior to seeing this. I had never seen it, and for good reason - if it's not something you saw as a kid and are nostalgic for, then there's no point in watching horribly dated special effects. It just becomes laughable. I have a feeling that's why you apparently can't find it in stores anywhere (we've had a copy forever, natch). Disney probably doesn't want you associating the new version with the old one.

Anyway, the movie's really all about the style and special effects, and they're cool. If you don't see it in IMAX 3D I don't imagine there's any good reason to see it. I don't get the story - never have - you can get sucked into the world of the computer where programs are like people and fight and play games? Really? Whatever. But when there are cool light-cycle chase scenes and dance-fighting mixed with a killer techno Daft Punk soundtrack, you buy in.

So if you've got a couple hours to spare you could see a lot worse. Or I suppose you could just listen to the soundtrack.

19 December 2010

It's a Christmas Miracle

Been a long time since I've done a personal post (this blog often gets the shaft in favor of quick-and-easy (read: lazy) Facebook), but I had a special occasion this week when Kim and Jackson visited. Jack's 20 months old, and somehow already knows all of his colors. Also, thanks to Aunt Jen, he also knows "Move", "Yeah", and "Me me me me me." I swear I don't recall teaching him that last one, but it sounds like something I'd say, so he probably just heard it and picked it up. He also enjoyed Baby's First Steak 'n Shake Milkshake and lots of good times at the local playground.

Jen's House might not have toys, but it has ducks, birds, tall grasses that tickle your face, and rocking chairs. That picture of him with the grass is so cute - he loved it there!

Jack also loved my bed - which got a lot of use on Saturday thanks to a rainstorm that ruined Flamingo Gardens plans. Snug-A-Bug!!

Of course, the biggest toy of all is Uncle Mike.

Speaking of Uncle Mike, he had the brilliant idea of taking Jack to The Rainforest Cafe. Here's a picture of what that looked like for the first half hour or so. (But it got better later, promise.)

Thanks for visiting - glad you guys got a couple days of sunny, hot weather!!

16 December 2010

I Love FOX

I love that FOX has made a parody commercial about Fringe's new Friday Death Slot. This gives me hope, OK?

The Challenge: Cutthroat: Reunion

Paula has dark hair and looks like an even older cougar than she used to. Tyler still loves the deep V's. Abram's dressed like a polar bear. Really. If Tori announces she's pregnant I will vomit.

Laurel's end-of-season pledge to be nicer didn't stick. She immediately says she'll never do a challenge again because she doesn't want to share money with a bunch of assholes she hates. She says they all sucked and Abram copped out. I'm pretty sure she and Paula are drinking. Heavily. Paula might actually be high as a kite. I hate her, but that old bitch needs help.

Eric comes out halfway through so Laurel's dumb, disgusting ass can defend herself for the awful things she said about him on the show. She's clearly a mean drunk. Laurel claims she felt bad and apologized, but Eric threw her under the bus for doing the exact opposite of apologizing. I hate her. Tyler jumps in, saying they should stop reliving the past. Really? Because it's a Reunion Show, dumbass!! Maria freaking Menounos gets into it with Tyler, it's all a mess. Abram gets choked up and leaves the stage, saying that everyone's character sucks. I love him!!! Remember when Abram used to be the giant, fighting asshole? And now he's the righteous one!

Laurel cries and apologizes, but I don't buy it for a second. It seems really fake. Plus she's drunk.

I hate Laurel so much, but I sure hope she's on the next Challenge!

The Challenge: Cutthroat

We open with Tyler v. Derrick in the Gulag.

Bye-bye: Derrick. Damn, I guess fatties are better at the pushing game than midgets.

Now it's Emily v. Paula. At this point, MTV screwed up and somehow skipped right through a segment. So when we comes back it's over and Paula is gone.

So it's only Jenn and Emily on the Blue Team. That's effed up.

The final Challenge is over 12 miles long, with checkpoints (oh, I'm sorry, Czech Points). Sarah starts crying before the race even begins, knowing she's not a long-distance runner. TJ follows along on his bike, it's adorable. He's taunting/encouraging the teams along the way.

Abram gets heatstroke or something along the way, passing out, seizing, and puking. Somewhere around the violent puking, his team decides he needs help. He gets taken out on a stretcher, and TJ bikes over to let his team know to continue without him. Some time later, Sarah starts puking her everloving guts out. Now that team's down to Luke, Laurel, and Cara Maria.

Winners: Dunbar, Tori, Brad, and Tyler. Ugh. Worst. Winners. Ever.

14 December 2010

It's Not All Bad!

I love this couple too!

Jennifer Connelly and Paul Bettany are expanding their family.

The actress, 40, is pregnant with her third child, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.

Connelly and The Tourist star Bettany, 39, are already parents to son Stellan, 7, as well as Kai, 13, from her previous relationship with David Dugan.


I Go Away For One Second....

Seriously, I leave work for an hour and come back to this devastating news. What's next? Brangelina?

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds have separated.

"After long and careful consideration on both our parts, we've decided to end our marriage," they say in a joint statement. "We entered our relationship with love and it's with love and kindness we leave it. While privacy isn't expected, it's certainly appreciated."


12 December 2010

Top Chef All-Stars

Is that a Jonas Brother? What the hell has this show come to? Goddamn. At least it was the good-looking one.

Quickfire Challenge: Create a midnight snack for kids to eat when they spend the night at the Museum of Natural History. I used to spend the night at a museum growing up - it was so fun! I couldn't do it now - I mean, I ain't sleeping on no hard floors anymore - but it was fun then.

I like Asian Dale's idea of lacing his corn cakes with Nyquil. And also Gay Dale's idea of making crack for kids - a ball of just about every chocolatey, sugary thing he could think to combine. I just realized there are 2 Dales. Good thing one's gay and one's Asian so I can tell them apart. Tiffany's Rice Krispies/S'mores thing looked amazing. I might have to try to make something similar.

There's a tie (allegedly) between Tiffany and Spike (his fresh carrot chips look the bomb), so they have to pick teams and then make it for the kids to decide.

Winner: Tiffany and her sugar bombs. Oh yeah, there are 2 of those too. The Ginger One.

Elimination Challenge: Make breakfast for the kids and their parents using whatever they've got in the kitchen. The menus are to be inspired by 2 dinosaur diets - one carnivorous, one herbivorous(?). Tiffany gets a choice and she picks carnivorous - not realizing that means just meat and animal products - zippy herbs, zippy flour. Oops.

Guests judge (besides the kids): Katie Lee No-Longer-Joel, Ms. Robohost from the first season. How dare she show her plastic face and monotone voice here again!

Winner: Team Brontosaurus. Their stuff definitely looked better - you can do a lot more with delicious fruits, veggies, and herbs than you can with just meat, eggs, and cheese.

Jennifer is a flaming bitch. She was never this bad before, was she? She was hella rude to the judges and sarcastic and bitchy. Don't get me wrong - I love it, but Jesus, girl, you suck.

Bye-bye: Jennifer. Wow. I didn't think they'd get rid of her. At least keep her around to be bitchy. She's really good. But hey, your stuff sucked this time. She's hysterical though - she walks through the door and starts ranting and screaming off-screen. It's great.

11 December 2010

The Challenge: Cutthroat

I've got 2 episodes to catch up on, because once again I forget this show is in my DVR. It's a two-parter anyway so it's better this way. I mean, I just wouldn't be able to live for a week with a cliffhanger! /sarcasm

Tori and Brad bitch at each other, boring challenge, blah blah blah.

Gulag: Tori v. Theresa (who?) and Johnny v Tyler.

Tori considers losing the Gulag on purpose because she doesn't think she can do the final challenge - she assumes it will involve a lot of running - and this way at least Brad can win for them. And their puppy.

At least we have Special Guests at the Gulag to liven things up - CT and Tina. CT's left eye looks bloody - is he ever not all busted up? Each contestant has to go up against our Special Guest - and whoever does better gets to stay.

In the Gulag, they're strapped to each other's backs and have to make their way over to the side of the ring. It usually involves rolling around and crawling and struggling. But OMG - it's hysterical - CT just stands up and walks with Johnny just flailing on his back like a human backpack. He beats him in 19 seconds. HAHAHAHAHA Johnny sucks. Tyler wins based on the fact that he's a big fattie and CT can't lift him.

Meanwhile, Tina sucks because she loses both matches. No one ever said Tina was athletic, did they? She just has a mouth and punches people.

Bye-bye: Theresa and Johnny.

Time for the next challenge. Tori gets a bloody nose. Waaaaaaahhhhh.

Gulag: Tyler v. Derrick and Paula v. Emily.

Aaaaand it's another "cliffhanger". Whatevs. Is that all we get of Tina and CT? Cuz let's be honest, it's not about what they do in the Gulag, it's about the drunken shenanigans. Oh well.

09 December 2010


Freak of the Week: A guy cuts out another dude's heart and carries it in a cooler. The heartless guy was alive for a little while too. While heartless.

Olivia reports to work and gives Broyles the rundown of what happened Over There. She even fills him in on Other Broyles, but yet doesn't mention the tight black tee shirts. Missed opportunity, bitch.

The Team goes to investigate the now-dead heartless guy. Well, he's dead, but not decomposing like he should be. And in the meantime, the guy who took his heart has implanted it into a girl. He's been doing this a lot lately, taking back all of the organs the girl had donated after her suicide. Next up: corneas. Oh god, not the eyes!!! Not only do we have to see the surgery, but we see the dude after -- walking around with empty eye sockets. Oh the humanity!!

Peter and Olivia have the whole "I thought she was you" conversation and I LOVED IT! It was the most eagerly-anticipated confession since the Peter/Walter one. Oh, their interaction as he explains that he came back for her, and started seeing Faux-livia... I don't even want them to be together and I was holding my breath! Because there's nothing better than angsty, double-heartbreak! She took it well, but you could tell it bothered her. Then when she goes home she freaks out, disturbed by the fact that someone else was all up in her clothes and bed and stuff. Poor, poor Olivia. We never see her break down. She's a real girl with real insecurities! I've also gotta say that their interactions after the conversation are so authentically awkward and dismissive. It's perfection.

Anyway, back to our killer -- he's freaky as hell. He's reassembling this girl - and it's not even his daughter (which adds extra creepiness). He dresses her up in a ballet outfit and strings her up like a marionette. It's really effed up. Once he's done with that freakshow, he reanimates her. For real. It's pretty horrifying - she doesn't do much other than stare and look shocked. Poor thing just wanted to die and this asshole brings her back. By the time the team gets there, the girl has died (again) and the killer is freaked out too because she wasn't the same girl he remembered. He said he looked into her eyes and knew it wasn't her -- and that freaks out Olivia because Peter didn't know the difference. So they have ANOTHER heartbreaking conversation, where she says Faux-livia ruined everything, that she doesn't want to be with Peter anymore. The pain!!!

In the end, the Observer is back, observing (natch) Walter and Peter.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Strawberry milkshake with extra whipped cream. It's what he needs after a day like today.

This Week's Code: ADAPT.

Here's what I have to adapt to -- waiting until January 21 for a new one -- when it moves to the Friday Death Slot. UGH! This show is SO GOOD!

06 December 2010

Top Chef All-Stars

I'm so excited about this show because they really did pick the best chefs from past seasons! Like, every single one of these people is good! Yay! I'm expecting awesomeness -- and heartbreak at every elimination.

Stephen the Sommelier is fat as shit. That's the sign of a good chef. Casey and Jamie are still hot as ever - girl crushes in full effect. I still can't believe that Richard actually lost his season. OMG! I love Dale! It's really the perfect storm of awesome chefs, fun people, and personalities you want to murder (Tiffany, Angelo). The production even seems sleeker - new graphics and all. Is this the first time it's in HD or something? Everything just seems brighter and better.

Quickfire: Battle of the Seasons. Chefs work as a team within their season, making a dish based on their city. Richard makes mustard ice cream - OF COURSE HE DOES - to go with their deconstructed Chicago hot dog. *puke* Chicago wins.

Elimination Challenge: Make a dish using the same ingredients from the dish for which you got eliminated. That's cool. They can't deviate too much from what they did before. Spike even has to use frozen scallops again!

Criticism of the Day: Anthony Bourdain says Fabio's dish looks like an inside-out animal. And he was right!

Richard gets disqualified for the win because he was plating after the timer went off. Rules are rules, you skinny ass. (Seriously, chefs shouldn't lose weight.) So aside from him, Spike, Angelo, and Jamie are in the top.

Winner: Angelo.

Fabio, Stephen, and Elia are at the bottom. I have no problem with any of those - they all botched things pretty thoroughly. I feel bad because Stephen had to re-do Restaurant War recipes when he wasn't really responsible for them in the first place. Fabio bitched at Bourdain for bitching at him. Given these choices, I'd boot Elia.

Bye-bye: Elia. Yay! She didn't cook her fish properly and didn't improve her dish. Plus she was a stuck-up bitch about it. Adios, amiga!

02 December 2010


We begin with a replay of the epic scene where Peter finds out Olivia is trapped on the other side. After a couple hours of staring at the clock, Pacey walks out to the living room. I'm not even going to mention that he's in his underwear. Nope, not at all. (Hey, Olivia's been in hers enough on this show!) He starts snooping around her computer, and it doesn't take long for her to wake up and realize she's been caught.

She holds a gun on him and makes him inject himself with something to paralyze him for a few hours. Then Faux-livia heads to the Otherworldly Typewriter to let the other side know her cover's been blown and she needs extraction.

We get a combo credits sequence - both blue and red. SWEET!

Once Peter is himself again he calls in Broyles and Walter. Faux-livia left her laptop behind and took Peter's matching one by mistake, so now they gotta hack in there and see what's what.

Other Universe Time. Walternate's ready to switch the Olivias, but wants Olivia's brain first - for study. So they gonna cut the bitch apart and send her over dead!

Our Universe: Walter works on trying to figure out a way to crossover... while eating a bigass Portuguese pastry. Using said pastry, they determine where Faux-livia has been buying them - next to the Otherworldly Typewriter Shop. They get the last message from the typewriter's carbon or whatever, and determine where her rendezvous point is.

Other Universe: Broyles owes Olivia a solid for saving his son, so he feels compelled to help her. He visits her before her big surgery, and she begs him to get her into the water tank again, but he leaves. The bone saw starts up and then Broyles comes in to rescue her. They get to the lab... but the water tank no longer holds water. SECURITY ALARMS!

Olivia says they've got to try Walternate's lab in Boston, which will surely have a tank. It's always smart to have spares.

Here: Faux-livia meets up with a Shapeshifter, and he injects her a few times with something, but the team is hot on her tail. Faux-livia holds a chick hostage when she's caught, but Peter pieces together that the hostage is actually the Shapeshifter. Good thing he's right, because he pops her in the head. Faux-livia? Caught and cuffed.

There: Broyles and Olivia get to the lab, and, conveniently, it is pretty much like Our Lab. Olivia, having been in this thing 100 times, knows just what to do. She's got the whole salt/drug ratio down. They get caught just as Olivia gets in the tank, and there may have been some shooting, and Other Broyles might be dead.

Here: Astrid's in the lab when there's a splashing in the tank. Guess who's back???

In the meantime, Faux-livia crosses over from within the van -- and when she crosses over, she is exchanged with Other Broyles' dead, mutilated body. Broyles' face when he sees this is pretty damn priceless. R.I.P. Ripped, tight-black-tee-shirt-wearing Other Broyles. Loved ya!

That last piece of the Doomsday Machine that Faux-livia was gathering? Is now in the possession of someone over here who works for the guys over there.

This Week's Code: CROSS.

Hmmmm. That was all too-quickly wrapped up for me. I need an epic, 3-hour crossing-over episode! Though it looks like Olivia suffers some repercussions next week. Next week's episode looks like a return to a creepy, freak of the week case, but there's no way this universe stuff is over. Not yet. For God's sake - I need more Charlie!

30 November 2010

The Event

The dude who was after Leila comes to and Sean threatens to kill him if he doesn't get answers. Only we all know he won't pull the trigger. Instead, he injects the guy with a syringe the guy had on him, a syringe meant for Leila. It makes the dude age. Too bad Leila wasn't injected - we could be rid of her quicker.

The Newly-Old Dude says they need to go to Willow Brook Hospital, but then he dies. So That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend head there, hoping to find Leila's sister. It's a mental hospital where the employees play fast and loose with privacy rules - Leila easily find a list of patients and pretends one of them is her aunt so they can enter the facility.

Sean snoops around while Leila asks the crazy woman if there are any kids at the hospital. But Sean is quickly caught, in one of those poorly-lit back hallways that all hospitals have. As they are escorted off the premises, another patient yells to them that there are indeed kids there, that he can hear them under the floor. Guess they'll need to find a way back in.

Aaaaaand, of course they do - they sneak in at night while the janitor's taking out trash. In the elevator, Sean uses the key card with the triangle on it to access lower floors. More poorly-lit hallways - the kind where the lights are flickering. Oh, show, you love the cliches. They find a bunch of rooms that have been recently- and hurriedly-vacated by children. Leila makes the smart move of screaming her sister's name, running the hall and trying to find her. She finds a room where "LEILA" is written on the wall. IDK, if I'm kidnapped I'm not going to write my sister's name on the wall. This girl must be just as smart as her sister.

They pick through some burned case files and luckily find one mostly intact. It's a file on that kidnapped-kid's father - containing multiple photos that show the dad hasn't aged. And there's another intact file - Leila's dad's. He's an alien dun-dun-duuuuun. It's really helpful that all of these photos are dated with a handwritten label. Thank god.

President Underwood and Sterling visit the VP in the hospital. The VP pulls the whole, "I have a head injury, I don't recall" bit when asked who was behind the assassination attempt. They're pulled away for a national security emergency - a missile has been discovered on satellite photos, in some fake country. Or at least no country I've ever heard of. Sterling says it's got to be terrorists making the missile.

Meanwhile, Sophia, Thomas, Alien Asian Hottie, and Thomas's duplicitous girlfriend from last week are hanging out. That chick shot herself in the knee last week - why are they making her sit on the ground Indian-style doing some weirdass tea ceremony? Hasn't she been through enough?

Sophia is suspicious of Thomas and his GF, and wants AAH to follow the money, find out what Thomas is up to. AAH finds Thomas's banker dead in his bathtub. Well, that's one way to get rid of the money trail.

As the President, et al. watch satellite video of the missile installation (it's a Middle Eastern country, natch), we see that Thomas and his GF are the ones behind it. The special effects are... special... as the missile is launched. The U.S. isn't the target though, and the missile isn't carrying the nuclear payload they thought it was. Instead, what they've done is launch a communications satellite. Thomas is phoning home.

Hey, whatever happened to those crappy flashbacks this show used to have? I mean, they were crappy, but at least be consistent.

22 November 2010

The Event

A signal is sent out to the aliens living among us (via text message, natch), and they all gather in a hotel ballroom with Thomas and Sophia, like they're having a goddamned conference. There are a lot of them.

Sophia lays out the plan to go home, but most of the aliens like Earth just fine, thank you very much. Thomas is banging a fellow alien who wants him to be the leader... and shoot his own mother in the face. There's a super long, boring setup, as Thomas and Mommy travel to pick up some part that's vital to their returning home. Just shoot this Botoxed bitch in the face already! Surprise, surprise - he can't kill Mommy, even for a sweet piece of cougar ass and all the power in the world.

In exchange for her betrayal, Sophia gives the cougar a choice: be ostracized from the alien community or shoot yourself in the knee. Shoot yourself in the knee? What kind of deal is that? She shoots herself in the knee. The Mama's Boy watches from the car.

That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend call his FBI agent buddy (remember her?) to discuss the missing girls. FBI agent says that one missing girl recently returned home. How convenient! Time to hit the road once again and drive to Tulsa!

Sean and Leila talk to the girl's mother, and then the little girl comes out, saying she knows Leila's sister. But her overprotective parents freak out and kick Sean and Leila out. That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend then do an absolutely horrific job of following the family when they drive off. Like, way to be obvious, lurking at the bottom of the driveway and following one car length behind.

When they stop at a gas station, Leila confronts the mom and girl in the bathroom to try to talk some sense into them without Daddy Buttinsky around. It's then that we see the girl's face clearly, and she looks like an old woman. The girl says that they were being held at a hospital, and that there was a triangle symbol on the drugs the kids were shot up with. Also, there was a water tower. I'm guessing Leila and Sean will put this together in 6 seconds, like they always do.

But Hal Holbrook sent someone after the girl as well, and he's doing a shite job of casually following as well. In the ensuing chase - a chase which leads from the gas station through a field of dead corn stalks - Sean takes on the gunman, even with his wasn't-it-just-severe injury.

Oh but wait - he wasn't there for the little old girl -- he was there for Leila. So Leila was "the girl that got away" - whatevs.

In other news, the VP isn't dead yet. Snore. Ooooo Fall Finale next week - goody!

20 November 2010

The Challenge: Cutthroat

For whatever reason, I always watch the opening credits even though I am insanely bothered by 2 things: 1) the Eurotrash techno soundtrack and 2) that look Tyler gives. UGGGGHHH!

The Challenge is a crazy-high tightrope challenge, and only one team is able to have everyone make it across.

Gulag: Dunbar v. Dan and Camila v. Laurel and Laurel's moustache. Laurel's bitter, of course, because she's a giant C. Her rants actually make me laugh. Does she know this is just a dumb game on MTV?

Camila has plans to win the Gulag and then come back and throw the next Challenge to screw her team.

Bye-bye: Dan (hey, you stayed sober on this show - you're the big winner) and Camila. So much for a good sabotage, it's the only thing I had to look forward to in this game.

18 November 2010


Other Universe Freak of the Week: Creepy old man shaves his creepy old head. Kid sees a monster in his closet. It's the creepy old man, in a silver mask, who steals the kid. Um, I'm not going to be able to sleep tonight, what with my closet next to my bed and all.

The Fringe Division has jurisdiction over the kidnapping because of the Peter Bishop Act. The team has seen this happen before -- it's the Candyman. Not only that - the Candyman had kidnapped Broyles' son a while back. The kids are always returned, but they're basically drained of immune systems. Olivia's seen this before -- the dude is stealing the kids' youth in order to reverse-age.

Olivia interviews Broyles' sickly, blind kid. At first I thought the kid was a shite actor, but then he got all good and weepy and almost made me cry! Cute kid! She gets some more information from him and then her badass self tracks the Candyman down and kills him. She also figures out that there's a creepy Reverend behind the whole thing. The creepy Reverend breaks into Broyles' house to terrorize his kid again, but Broyles gets home just in time.

In the meantime, Olivia also slipped up by identifying herself as "FBI" to the kidnapped kid. Broyles hears this, and is all, "You know who you are, don't you?" But he lets it go because he owes Olivia a solid for saving his kid.

Since Faux-livia's mission is almost complete over in Our World, Walternate plans to have Olivia pulled from duty in the morning... because they don't need her anymore! No! Don't throw her away!

But meanwhile, Olivia gets our favorite taxi driver, Bubs, to help her break in to Walternate's lab so she can get back in the water tank and get home. Go, Olivia! Go home! This wily bitch actually drugs herself and pulls it off - she's back in Our Universe's souvenir shop. She says something to a woman who works there as she's pulled back. Walternate looks at her in disgust and tells his people to lock her up.

Now we're back in Our Universe and Pacey and Faux-livia are all cuddly in bed. Until Peter gets a phone call -- from the souvenir shop woman. She has a message for him: Olivia is trapped in the Other Universe.

I JUST SQUEALED MY ASS OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's all coming out, man! Peter's got this!!!! That bitch is going down!!!!

Why do we have to have Thanksgiving and a week off?????

This Week's Code: ESCAPE.

16 November 2010

Green Lantern Trailer

En espanol... let's hope this kicks ass, OK? I'm a Ryan Reynolds fan anyway, but this looks killer. I'm excited!

Edited to add: Trailer on Apple now. All English, the way god intended.

15 November 2010

The Event

We're blaming Brazil for the airplane disaster? Really? Brazil? The government/media is also telling us that Daddy the Pilot died, even though he's currently being interrogated by President Underwood. Damn, the President does his own interrogating of suspects now? The Pilot tells him that the people who forced him to pilot the plane almost didn't go through with it, but got a go-ahead call at 8:01 PM - a few minutes after the President's alien briefing meeting ended. In flashback, we see that the VP gave Hal Halbrook the order to go ahead with the assassination attempt. Of course he did, those VPs are always wily jackasses.

It doesn't take the President long to figure out the VP was against him, but knows that someone else has to be pulling the strings. The VP is a runaway though (like, literally, he slipped his Secret Service detail), so the President won't get a chance to interrogate him next.

That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend are still on the run I guess. Sean gets shot, but it's not in the head - GODDAMMIT! - so he's OK. He talks His Dumb Girlfriend through starting a car with a screwdriver. I don't think I could do that even with a diagram. Sean can't go to the hospital since he's a wanted man. Fingers crossed he bleeds out!! So Dumb Girlfriend kidnaps a doctor at gunpoint. She's a smart one.

Hey, when did they end up in Atlanta? That Dumb Bitch takes the doctor in to a Walgreens to stock up on surgical supplies. I love how the pharmacist barely flinches when the doctor orders the stuff. Is it that common for doctors to buy their own supplies at Walgreens? By the time they come back out to the car, Sean is gone. I guess he saw the Atlanta PD and decided bleeding out on the street was a better option than just laying low in the car? That's where the doctor and Leila find him - bleeding out in an alley. Well, this is as good a place as any to perform surgery. And with Dumb Girlfriend as the Dumb Physician's Assistant! The doctor can't find the artery. Yeah, no shit - it's dark outside and you're in an alley with no lighting. Oy vey. The Miracle Doctor stitches him up and, after 3 stitches, pronounces that he'll be fine. Awesome.

The President has a crystal dish shaped like the Capitol filled with what looks like black and white jellybeans on his desk. I find myself fascinated by this.

Hal Holbrook orders the Assassin Chick to kill the VP. He had a whole conversation with the VP earlier, but I was more fascinated by the jellybeans, so I didn't pay attention to it. And even though he's a runaway, Assassin Chick finds him. But she doesn't kill him, instead she wants to work with the VP to turn in Hal Holbrook.

The VP, being the weak douche he is, calls President Underwood and says he's turning himself in, that he thought he was doing what was right for the country. He only says that "Eli" is involved - and then he's killed (presumably) by a car bomb, Hal Holbrook's backup plan.

At the very end, we see Hal Holbrook stand before a mirror, reverse-age, and then age again. WTF. Hey that reminds me - what about those freaky girls from last week?

14 November 2010


I thought I had seen every action movie setup known to man. There was even that one movie where the refrigerated truck had to stay cold, wasn't there? But here's a new one: a runaway train. I'd love to say Unstoppable was about more than a runaway train, but... it really wasn't.

Don't get me wrong, I actually loved this movie. Like, really enjoyed it for what it was. But that's not to say I wasn't laughing half the time. Sometimes it felt like a big joke Tony Scott and Denzel Washington were pulling on Hollywood. Like they didn't think anyone would actually fund it and then, when they did, they had to go through with it. But even if it were a joke, those 2 know how to make a movie. Throw in Chris Pine as the young whippersnapper and Rosario Dawson and Kevin Corrigan to make me happy and you've got the makings of a good movie.

A lot of the movie is told through news reports, and sometimes that gets annoying. It relies on the news for a lot of exposition. But then you realize that, really, that's the age we live in. News reporters would be on the scene quickly, news helicopters would be flying inches from the speeding train, and there would be computer animations of impending explosions.

Unstoppable has all of the action movie cliches, only this time with trains. This parody from Saturday Night Live is pretty dead-on. And you've gotta love it for the mindless fun.

13 November 2010

The Challenge: Cutthroat

I’m 2 episodes behind! Let’s go!

Dan’s starting to waver in his sobriety, and is thinking about drinking again. No, really? Can’t imagine how that would happen.... He calls his mommy to help him. Well, look at that – someone made a mature decision in the house! And even though I expect it not to hold, it does. For now anyway.

There’s a lot of gay oral sex talk going on, but tragically it’s just talk – a debate as to whether it’s gay or not. Yeah, Ty, it’s gay. So do it!

Blah blah swimming challenge is boring blah blah. Until Chet gets a concussion and goes white – and I mean WHITE – even for Chet. He looks like a zombie – it’s freaking awesome! And then of course the black dude can’t swim and Brandon has to be rescued in the water. Stop living up to stereotypes, man!

Ty does his usual thing where he overreacts and Emily does her usual thing where she eggs him on and then gets mad when he overreacts and a plant ends up in someone’s bed. Yawn. Someone slap somebody!

Gulag: Ty v. Brandon and Katie v. Camila.

Bye-bye: Katie and Ty. His team gets hella pissed when he just lays down but, um, it looked like he was literally exhausted. Just cuz he can’t turn as white as Chet did? Assholes. That’s 2 Blues down.

At the start of the next episode, Chet returns from the hospital, but is sent home because of his head injury. Bye-bye: Chet.

Since you’d assume Brandon loves to live up to stereotypes, the Red Team chooses him to do the part of the challenge that basically involves shooting a basketball. But Brandon shows those racists –– he doesn’t make any baskets. You go boy! The Gray Team wins just as they did last episode.

Gulag: Emily v. Melinda and Derrick v. Brandon. The Red Team sucks – just because their racist asses volunteered Brandon to shoot baskets, they blame him for their loss.

Brad gets his panties in a bunch because Camila voted for him, and of course Tori’s panties follow. So now they have it out for Camila. So what – Brad didn’t get sent to the Gulag anyway. That Red Team stinks.

Bye-bye: Melinda (duh) and Brandon (duh). Now the Red Team REALLY stinks.

12 November 2010


Freak of the Week: People still use shortwave radios? I guess so, because a bunch of people around the world are using them in some kind of shortwave radio chatroom. They all receive a transmission of numbers, have a seizure and, get amnesia.

Peter and Faux-livia are all cozied up with breakfast in bed as if they're in a lovely, long-term relationship, until duty calls. I'm not too gung-ho about Peter and Olivia hooking up, but I'm OK with it this way since it's not really Olivia. Just makes for more angst once that's revealed!

Walter's pissed at Peter because he's still working on the Otherworldly Peter Death Machine. Nina has a heart-to-heart with Walter over some weed, telling him he should let Peter continue his investigation.

The shortwave radios pick up number broadcasts, some kind of codes transmitted by who knows who. But along with the numbers, some dude is transmitting a pulse that gave them amnesia. He does it again later with a transmission to the pilot of a small plane.

The investigation leads to the First People - people before the dinosaurs. The numbers are the keys to the universe, and the dude wants to keep people from discovering what they mean.

Faux-livia goes to see the dude, who is from the Other Universe, working for Walternate, to scold him for being sloppy. Just as he's about to be discovered, Faux-livia pushes him out of a window and he splatters onto the ground at Broyles's and Peter's feet, leaking mercury. He was a shapeshifter.

Astrid, kind of channeling Other Astrid, cracks the code. The numbers represent several locations around the world. The closest one is in New Jersey, and buried deep beneath the ground (wow, they really took a chance that Astrid was right - they dug a bigass hole) is a large stone thing containing part of a machine. One of the locations is also Walter's old house in Massachusetts. The locations are all pieces of Walternate's Death Device.

At the end, Faux-livia receives instructions through the Otherworldly Typewriter. Initiate Phase Two.

Walter's Line of the Week: "I feel a bowel movement coming on." Goddammit, Walter, that was just unnecessary!

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Cucumber and cheese sandwich - the best food for thought, as developed by Walter. It worked on Astrid!

This Week's Code: DECAY.

10 November 2010

The Event

Alien Asian Hottie is injured but not dead, and Sterling goes to visit him, intent on finding out who the mole is. He's still unconscious, but The Dude in the Trunk is discovered and tells everyone that Simon is the bad guy. Sterling decides to investigate a bit, and notices that Simon hasn't aged since he was hired. He's not just a mole - he's an alien! Time for a DNA test, and time for Thomas to go in and switch out the blood samples. At the same time, another alien mole plants incriminating evidence at the coffeeshop with The Dude in the Trunk's fingerprints. It's all so convenient how everyone knows what everyone else is doing and how to stop it.

Simon regains consciousness, and Sterling tells him that he passed his DNA test, and that Murphy is the mole. Shouldn't they now DNA test that dude to confirm? No? Well, I guess if they did someone would just swoop in and change the samples anyway.

In the Land of People I Cannot Stomach, the reporter tells That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend all of her alien conspiracy theories, and digs through Dumb Girlfriend's dad's stuff. She finds a list of names and numbers - which of course they determine are codes, codes that That Annoying Prick Sean can crack.

You know what I'd love? If he worked really hard to figure out what the code was but then it turned out that it wasn't anything. Just a list. Alas, The Reporter takes them to one of those high-tech conspiracy dudes who has some kind of great encrypted system that will help Sean. The names are girls who have gone missing and the numbers refer to shell corporations. Mmm-kay.

Wait - Hal Holbrook is alive? He must be -- because he's on this show -- but I'd swear he died a year ago. He's the dude behind DB Sweeney and the whole Let's Kidnap Leila and/or Sean Movement. One of his teams hunts Sean and Leila down just after they crack the code, but those two wily idiots escape, albeit separated from The Conspiracy Nuts.

Dumb Girlfriend's sister is still alive, being held with other little girls -- but they're not just little girls! They're like deformed freaky people! OK, that actually scared me.

Over on the alien side of things, we learn that Sophia is Thomas's mother. They need some nuclear material in order to transport themselves back home.

Pointless Flashback of the Week: 14 years ago, Sterling was in love with a chick who turned out to be a Russian spy. When he got the heads-up from his daddy (who was also in the CIA), he confronted her and wanted to run away with her. But of course she wasn't having any of it. She didn't love you for your looks, you jackass. As she tried to run away, his daddy shot and killed her, letting Sterling take the credit for catching her.

04 November 2010


Well, that break wasn't so bad. My show is back! And it's Other Universe time!

A guy cuts his way through one of those amber resin quarantine areas, freeing his twin brother and resuscitating him. Meanwhile, that area had been quarantined for 4 years. People stay alive in that amber? That's freaky! Secretary Walternate doesn't want word getting out that people trapped in amber are basically alive, so Fringe Division has to find the twins.

There's a bunch of twins-swapping and Olivias-swapping parallel stuff going on in this episode. And Olivia keeps having Visions of Peter telling her she's from another universe, which she tries to chase away by self-medicating with something.

Because she isn't going through enough already, Walternate puts Olivia through a series of tests to see if she's capable of crossing over between universes. Time to get back in the water tank with the crazy drugs! Over here, there's a nicer tank though, not that cobbled-together thing in the Harvard basement.

While she's in the tank the first time, Olivia totally crosses over for a moment and ends up in a souvenir shop. After being harassed by her Vision of Peter, she goes back in the tank, and ends up in the same shop. The shop is in Our Universe because there's a 9/11 reference and no Twin Towers. Olivia picks up the phone and dials the number to her niece. Then she gets sucked back over... and lies to Walternate, saying she saw nothing.

Line of the Night: The Fringe Team are talking about moms making popsicles as kids and Charlie's all, "My mom made me get her cigarettes." I love you, Charlie! And I really like this Fringe Team!!!

This Week's Code: EVENT. No - bad cross-promotion - don't remind me of that crappy show!!

03 November 2010

Congress Just Got Real

I knew he was involved in state politics, but now he's coming for DC. Dude - how about his season being 13 years ago? I remember it like it was yesterday. Meanwhile, I need updated pictures of his 6 kids with Rachel.

The glass ceiling for reality stars in Congress has been shattered, thanks to Real World: Boston standout Sean Duffy, a Republican who picked up an open seat in Wisconsin's 7th District during Tuesday's big election.

Duffy, who spent 1997 finding out "what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real," easily defeated state Sen. Julie Lassa for the job in a contest to replace retiring Rep. David Obey, a Democrat who held the seat for 41 years.

The Associated Press declared Duffy the winner, and he thanked supporters at his victory party shortly before midnight. "What a great night in Wisconsin," Duffy belted.

Duffy filled the "conservative Midwesterner" spot on season 6 of the show and later participated in Road Rules. During his stint as a reality TV star, he met and married Real World: San Francisco beauty Rachel Campos. The couple have six children.

Since leaving Boston, Duffy appeared on 2002's version of Real World/Road Rules Challenge and has made occasional appearances as an ESPN color commentator. Until recently he was the district attorney for Ashland County.

The 7th District includes all or part of 20 central and northwestern Wisconsin counties.


31 October 2010

The Challenge: Cutthroat

Luke is in love with Camila. Wait, I thought he was gay. Oops.

Paula, proving herself to be the grossest person on a show full of losers, has a humongous, cancerous scab on her chin. Nasty scab-picker.

The challenge is a Bottleneck Stampede that means loads of thrown elbows, squeezing into tight spaces, and hurt feelings.

The rest of the show is boring, with Brad playing Inner Thigh Police and trying to keep Camila from getting too close to Johnny, lest he influence her to sabotage the team. Snooze.

Gulag: Katie v. Ayiia and her busted teeth and Eric v. Luke. It's essentially a slap fight. The contestants are chained to a table by their necks and then swat each other in the faces with flyswatters. Jesus Christ, this is brutal and pointless. Awesome. But at some point, once they clearly could do the slapping thing for hours, endurance is thrown in and they have to keep a bucket up in the air with their opposite arm. Now there's something I'd lose within 3 minutes.

Bye-bye: Ayiia (seriously, where are the consonants?) and Eric.

30 October 2010

Project Runway Finale: Finale

I didn't watch the finale live, so I did my best to avoid spoilers. Unfortunately, I saw the headline "The Surprising Winner of Project Runway" on my Google Reader, which can only mean Mondo ain't it. GODDAMMIT! Just please don't let it be Gretchen. Please.

First up, the Final 3 are called into a reunion with the rest of the designers. The reunion is dull and expected, but mercifully short. Gretchen cries over being called a bitch. Bitch.

Gretchen's collection is called "Running Through Thunder". Pretentious bitch. I like the breezy brown dress, and the one pants outfit was cool.

The rest I could do without. She sent a couple diapers down the runway. And did the whole thing have to be so brown? Dirty hippie.

Andy's up next, and his stuff is all silver, but really good, and seems wearable. I love the one-shouldered silver fringe dress, and the green one too. His fabrics were very cool.

Now for Mondo. Call me biased, I freaking loved his stuff. Those leggings were awesome, even if they were paired with a bedazzled tee shirt. And the poofy dress? Love! And, of course, that long polka dot dress that I DIE FOR! The model looks SO GOOD in that.

So I don't get it, goddammit, I don't get how Mondo can't win. Eff you, show.

Guest judge Jessica Simpson says she hopes to wear some of the designs on the red carpet some day. Aw, how sweet -- and optimistic. That would mean 1) she'd have to drop 30-35 pounds and 2) she'd have to be invited to a red carpet event. Keep the dream alive, girlfriend!

Their main beef with Mondo was that a lot looked teenage-y. Well, I guess that explains why I loved it. I'm a 14-year-old at heart. The judges debated more than I ever remember them debating a finale before. The claws are out because they're so split. They take Andy out of the competition first. GODDAMMIT!!! NOT GRETCHEN!!!! Heidi and Jessica go with Mondo, and those old bitches Nina and Michael go with Gretchen. They claim her designs are where fashion's going next. Eff you, fashion!

Winner: Gretchen. I bet they just gave it to her because she's poor. Hippie. I remember that I liked her in the beginning. But much like Hitler, her personality overtook it all and she became a bad person in my eyes. I hope that her ex-husband tries to get half of the money.

25 October 2010

The Event

Sophia follows Thomas's instructions on the Metro, but the government is tracking her through some isotope they put in her food. Alien Asian Hottie gets word of this and ingeniously puts that same isotope into the creamer at a coffee shop, so now the government doesn't know which one to track. What's not so ingenious about that plan is that there's a limited number of people who have access to the isotope.

Someone is sent out to test Alien Asian Hottie and his men to see who stole the isotope (it would still give off radiation). In order to avoid the test, Alien Asian Hottie smacks the dude upside the head with his radiation-testing-briefcase and throws him in the trunk of a car. Pwned.

The government finds Sophia on a street camera and tracks her to a warehouse where she meets up with Thomas. AAH shows up too and is all, "Thomas, they're right outside, they're coming" to which Thomas is all, "It's cool, don't worry." The ground starts to shake. Thomas and Sophia escape down some hatch in the floor, but AAH stays behind to help a fallen FBI agent. The ground opens up, a bright light coming through, but AAH gets his man out. He's not as lucky, as the building crumbles down on top of him.

That Annoying Prick Sean and his dumb girlfriend haven't showered yet. Gross. That would be Priority #1 for me after a rescue. He breaks the news to Leila that her mom was killed and her sister's missing. Too bad this chick isn't a good enough actress to adequately portray "anguish" or "shock".

Leila decides she needs to find out the truth about why her dad would be involved in the whole mess, so Sean drives her to her parents' house. Wait - were they in the same state? Why does this show insist on quickly transporting people places with absolutely zero transition!? I hate it!

After digging around in the attic, they find a convenient file folder full of maps and articles about the old crash in Alaska. Some bitch shows up just as they're flipping through it, with a gun, telling them to put it down. Who the hell is this bitch? She's a journalist who tried to expose the Alien Alaska Conspiracy. And she sounds hella nuts and is annoying as hell.

Tonight's flashbacks feature Alien Asian Hottie in the 1950s, in swim trunks, with a girl he loves, until he's taken away by Thomas and called into service. He predictably meets up with that chick years later, when she's old and "senile". All I know is, Alien Asian Hottie had better not be dead or what the hell was the point to this show anyway? (From the previews, he's not dead, so that's awesome. Now if only we could get rid of Sean and Leila.)

The Challenge: Cutthroat

Drunk Cougar Paula makes out with Emily in the hot tub. Oh hey, Emily's on this show.

Some chick named Laurel, who is classy enough to mix her OJ and vodka in her mouth, starts harassing Big Easy for some reason. She's pretty awful to him, calling him fat and ugly. Which he is (plus he's a ginger), but it takes some balls to say it to his face. Balls and vodka. Eric cries about it, because it makes him "upset as a person." Wow, that's real real.

That's OK, because in the challenge, which involves jumping over things from a height over the water, Laurel gets pwned and falls in. Ha bitch! Meanwhile, Shauvon is having a panic attack because she nearly popped an implant doing something similar in the last Challenge. She refuses to do it, and her team gets disqualified.

Katie takes an amazing spill - slamming her face and hilariously flip-falling into the water, getting a black eye in the process. Meanwhile, guess what - Eric's fat ass was able to complete the challenge while Laurel couldn't. Still, his team doesn't win.

Gulag: Eric (his shirt actually says Big Easy) v. Vinny and Katie v. Shauvon.

Before The Gulag, everyone gets drunk (crazy, right?) and starts randomly fighting amongst themselves. Shauvon v. Johnny, Katie v. Emily, Katie v. Ty, Katie v. Johnny. If that wasn't enough, The Gulag is postponed due to weather, which means it's time to get drunk AGAIN. Some random local starts fighting Johnny, giving him the second black eye of the episode.

Eric proves that bitch Laurel wrong by winning The Gulag against Meathead Vinny. I don't know who this asshole Vinny is, but he's definitely an asshole. He gets pissy about getting voted in, then throws a fit when he loses to Eric, stomping off. Dumbass baby.

Shauvon decides she's not going to compete, and of course TJ expresses his disappointment in a quitter. How is TJ doing anyway?

Bye-bye: Vinny (glad I didn't know you) and Shauvon.

Six Got Married!

What's amazing to me is that she looks the damn same. Blossom should take some notes.

In the spirit of her lovable Blossom character Six LeMeure, Jenna von Oy is downright giddy about her new husband, Brad Bratcher.

"We're so happy," the actress, who wed Bratcher on Oct. 10, tells PEOPLE. "My mama told me never to meet a man at a bar – so I did!"

The actress and the Dell computer data consultant, who had dated for two years before they tied the knot, met at a wine bar in Nashville and bonded over a love of author Gabriel Garcia Marquez. They became engaged last New Year's Eve.

The couple's wedding reflected their down-to-earth style: Bratcher, 39, and von Oy, 33, said "I do" in her hometown of Newtown, Conn., in the garden outside a bed and breakfast owned by a former teacher of the bride's.


24 October 2010

Saturday Night Live Commercials Are Still Good

Saturday Night Live has been 90% crappy this season, but I loved the 2 fake commercials from this weekend.

I know some babies who could have used these.

And this one goes out to KP.

Project Runway Finale: Part 1

Home visitation time! I'm excited to see how poor Gretchen is - is that wrong?

Tim visits Andy in Hawaii, where we learn he's afraid of fish and loves Asian men. That Tim Gunn and I have a LOT in common. Andy's collection is inspired by Laos, made with textiles and metals from Laos. Sounds cool, but he has a lot of work to do.

Michael lives in Palm Springs with his partner, Richard, and his inspirations are the sky and feathers. Of course Michael has 18 looks ready, cuz the boy loves to over-prepare and change his mind 100 times.

Mondo's got a lot of great Mondo stuff, but Tim's a bit worried about some of it looking like teenage pajamas. There's a nice awkward dinner with the parents who disapprove of his gay lifestyle. Asshole parents. But Mondo's BF is waaaaay cute! YUM!

Now we're in the heart of poverty, Portland, Oregon. I'm disappointed that Gretchen appears to have hardwood floors and electricity, and doesn't live in a shack. Turns out her husband (she was married, right?) left her ass and now she's even broker than she used to whine about, if you can believe it. Gretchen's mixing rural cultures in her looks, and there's a bunch of ugly-ass stuff.

Once they're back in NYC, Mondo and Andy are sporting some fierce new hairstyles. Love Andy's extensions!

Collection time! The designers show a 3-look mini collection, including a new look they had to make in 2 days.

I thought Gretchen's stuff looked awful and Mondo's looked amazing. Nope, I'm not biased at all. Goddamn, that polka dot dress was so cool! Loved it! Based on the looks they showed, I'd boot Gretchen, and be OK if Andy left, just because that bikini look was a dumb one to put in the mini-collection. Not a showstopper.

Nina nicely hammers Gretchen for being crunchy granola. Hey Nina, that's rude, she can't afford granola. She's poor.

Mondo's in, of course. Look at this dress!!!

Gretchen's in next. Boo. Andy's in too.

Bye-bye: Michael. That's OK, I won't dispute that he wasn't that great. But I feel badly for him. Sadface. I should say felt badly - because then he had a hilarious crazy, melodramatic breakdown that ended up cracking me up. Your life will go on, Michael. Seriously. Tim talks him down like he's 2. Jackass.

18 October 2010

The Event

Oy vey. They gave The Event a full season pickup. Guess I'll watch it. It's not like I have anything else to do.

The zombie passengers are still bleeding from the nose and some of them are freaking the eff out. Thomas calls the President to tell him he has the antidote to save the passengers... if the President releases Sophia and the rest of the aliens from their Alaskan prison. Thomas's voice freaks me out. It sounds really familiar, but I can't place it. Maybe he sounds like Ghostface from Scream? He has a similar cadence. I don't know.

At any rate, we don't negotiate with terrorists. Or do we? Yes, we do, because eventually the President tells Thomas that if he doesn't give them the antidote he's going to execute Sophia and the aliens. Oh snap!!! You just got served!!! This President has some balls. Now I like him.

When his Security Dude tells him how it's gonna be hella easy to kill everyone - they just have to seal off the living quarters and pump in some carbon monoxide - he seems to start to back down, but nope - he's all in. Do it.

Alien Asian Hottie tells Sophia what's about to happen - seriously, do these people just fly to Alaska on a whim??? Do they have a transporter???? - so Sophia's all, "Order Thomas to give them the antidote." AAH zips back down to the Continental U.S., but Thomas isn't having it. He doesn't take orders from that C up in Alaska!

Or does he? Because Thomas calls the President: "I'll give you the antidote if you just release Sophia." Wow, we are quite literally negotiating here. He tells the President to put Sophia on the Metro at the Farragut North station. Oh hells yes!!! That's my station!!!! (I'm suddenly paying attention to this show, because I love random things like that.) Sure, once they go into the Metro, it's hella phony, but they did still have the Red Line going to Glenmont, which is accurate.

That Annoying Prick Sean recharges his phone and gets Leila's message. He calls her at the police station, but of course his cell phone starts to go out. Then Leila notices the screensaver picture slideshow on the cop's computer - starring the real cop and his family. She also sees a spot of blood on the floor, so that smart cookie knows exactly what's happening. She tries to escape, but can't get out. Aaaaand now she's back to being locked up.

Sean, His Horrible Facial Hair, and the Female FBI Agent drive up to the station, where of course Vicky and DB Sweeney are hiding. In the meantime, he has a convenient friend conveniently trace Vicky's cell phone, which he's conveniently tracked to their exact location. Sean texts Vicky a picture of her son. So she calls him back and he's all, "I'm gonna put your kid's picture and address all over the internet unless you let me get Leila." Perv.

That weird threat works, because when Sean walks into the station, Vicky fires on everyone else and lets Sean get away with Leila (and an injured DB Sweeney, just for kicks).

Tonight's Flashbacks: Thomas and the Alien Asian Hottie leave the crash site back in the 1940's. Thomas worked on the Manhattan Project and helped speed up the process of developing the nuclear bomb. Also, Vicky got her son when she assassinated everyone in the house the baby lived in, and then decided to keep it. Interesting. Not.

You know what this show would be better without? 1. Flashbacks. 2. Sean.

17 October 2010

The Challenge: Cutthroat

This was my first time watching the opening credits and - guess what? - they suck. Like, I'd rather watch those offensive tribal ones than this nonsense of them just walking out of planes and limos. Beyond pointless and of no relevancy.

Abram's awesome because he perpetuates everyone's fears that the house is haunted by making up stories. He might be an idiot, but at least he knows the rest of them are idiots too.

I don't know who this crazy, Kristen Stewart-lookalike Laurel is, but she makes for a good angry drunk who likes to eff with people. I dig her.

I don't know if it's because there's so many people, or because the show knows I don't know half these people, but everyone has their names on the front of their shirts this year. Whatever the case, thank you for that. (Then, in the preview for next week, I see that their names are on their asses too. Perfect.)

Gulag: Cara Maria v. Mandi and Brandon v. JD.

Bye-bye: Mandi and JD. Well, boo to JD - I actually know who he is.

Project Runway

Challenge: Design a look inspired by NYC. So we're back to being vague.

Michael chooses the Statue of Liberty, April and Mondo choose the Brooklyn Bridge, Andy does Central Park, and Gretchen picks the Lower East Side because she's a dirty hippie.

Why has it taken so long for Gretchen's underbite to bother me? I guess I've always known something was off about her, but just figured out what it was. It actually hurts my jaw to look at her now.

Mondo takes a nap during the challenge, but let's be real, people - he's HIV positive. Let the man with the weakened immune system nap when he needs to nap, OK?

OMG Michael does a killer Michael Kors impression!!! It's seriously amazing and freaky!

Michael's dress is gorgeous, but is it too simple? April and Andy's looks were good, but very typical of their work. Not just typical, but identical to stuff we've seen before. I guess Mondo's was typical Mondo too, but his style is just awesome so I forgive that. I liked the pattern of the fabric of Gretchen's skirt, but it's all pretty boring and blah.

The judges hammered Gretchen for falling off (she's tired, y'all!) and April for making the same damn dress over and over. They really liked Michael's so I guess it wasn't so simple after all.

Bye-bye: April. Damn, I really thought they'd give her the spot in the finale just because she's so young and she could be the dark horse candidate. But she's too repetitive, and Gretchen will be bitchier. So now it's up to Mondo to kick Gretchen's ass!

15 October 2010

The Challenge: Cutthroat

When I found out that TJ Lavin was in a coma, I immediately had 2 thoughts. 1. TJ hates quitters, so if he dies does that mean he'll be disappointed in himself? 2. I haven't watched the new Challenge yet. So I'm watching the first episode as a kind of vigil for TJ.

Everyone lands in the Czech Republic. Jesus Christ, Brad and Paula are still doing these things? I don't know half these people because I've been out of the Fresh Meat and Real World loops for a while, but I know that Ayiiia has too many vowels in her name. Newbies always get kicked off first anyway.

Here are the updates that stood out to me: Brad and Tori got married - oh, I'm sorry, Brad got "wifed up". Can't wait to see them do a Challenge together once they're divorced! Melinda's here - she and Danny got married but now - SHOCKER! - THEY'RE GETTING DIVORCED!!! AHAHAHAHA. Of course. Katie has decided to get herself an education and plans to be a criminal profiler. Someone's been watching a lot of CSI in her spare time. Dan is "in recovery" so he doesn't drink. A Challenge probably isn't going to be the best environment for you, buddy. If anything, it's the ultimate test of sobriety. Good luck. And Abram has written a children's book. I hope that it's not about how to deal with anger issues.

Is holding elimination challenges in "The Gulag" culturally insensitive? Is the next step having them in "The Concentration Camp"? Seems inappropriate to me.

As usual, I zone out during the challenge rules. It's some overly-complicated puzzle... and it takes place in a gas chamber. Really? Episode 1 and my concentration camp challenge is already becoming a reality. Jesus Christ.

Voting people into The Gulag is done secretly now, so that's awesome. Sure enough, I have no idea who the first 2 guys and girls voted in are. That's awesomer because now I can really zone out and not care.

Bye-bye: Derek and Emilee. I hardly (as in, I didn't at all) knew ye. Emilee's parting words are a little something like this: "You win some, you lose some, but nothing's better than getting some, and I'm going home to get some cuz there's no one here to get some with." Wow, yeah, that about sums it up.

Get better, TJ!

14 October 2010


Peter and Faux-livia are on a date, and it seems like Faux-livia might be catching feelings. Turns out that becomes the theme of the episode - people from the Other Universe taking on the emotions of the people whose lives they've taken over.

A Senator gets hit by a car and is rushed to the hospital. His heart isn't beating but he's still breathing. Then suddenly Newton busts in to take the body. In the process of running from Broyles, he shoots the Senator in the eye. The Senator bleeds mercury. Dun-dun-duuuuunnnn. The Senator's a shapeshifter, and they need to figure out how long he's been such, since he's had all kinds of security clearance.

Walter's running Massive Dynamic, which for him involves giving a crazy-ass presentation that ends in him pulling his pants down because he's hot (and high on LSD). He takes a break when he's pulled away to examine the shapeshifter's body, which he does... through the eyeball. *puke* During the course of his examination, he "reactivates" the body. He brings the body back to the Massive Dynamic lab to try to recover the thing's data source, its brain.

You know who I don't like? Sneaky-ass Faux-livia. Newton keeps calling her, and they'd better watch it or they're gonna get caught. Idiots. She tells him where he can find the reactivated body. Newton enlists another shapeshifter (damn, are there tons of them just living among us!?) to collect the body.

Meanwhile, at Massive Dynamic, Walter's going to use the Faux-Senator's emotional connection to his wife to lure out memories. She talks to the Senator as if he's in a coma or something, and eventually he shows neural activity. Suddenly he jolts awake and starts reciting a list of hotels they were going to stay in on a trip. Well, that's not helpful.

The shapeshifter ends up in an elevator with Walter and for a minute there I thought he wanted to take over Walter's body. No no no no no this just can't happen. They fight and I love how clearly panicked Peter is when he realizes Walter's been attacked. Yay Peter still loves his Papa!

The shapeshifter gets the data disc out of the Faux Senator's spine, but doesn't kill Walter. He doesn't want to have to shift to another body, because he's ended up falling in love with his wife and kid. His repayment for that weakness? Newton shoots him in the head. That heartless, emotionless bastard.

Peter and Faux-livia chase Newton down, and of course Faux-livia swipes the data disc off of him before taking him into custody. Bitch. Newton's in prison, and ingests something that Faux-livia brings him. As Faux-livia and Peter get it on back at her place, Newton falls to the floor of his prison cell, leaking mercury from his ears. So was that like a cyanide pill for shapeshifters? Is this the end of Newton? Sad - I liked that Gordon Ramsay lookalike.

Walter's Line of the Night: "Don't eat my pudding."

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Candy buttons, the little candies on rolls of paper. But Peter brings him Red Vines instead.

This Week's Code: SHIFT.

I hate to say it, but I might enjoy this show more when it's in the Other Universe. After last week's amazing episode this one seemed like a letdown. The Other Universe has Charlie and My Olivia and Pizza Face. But of course, it doesn't have Pacey and My Walter.......

Three weeks til the next one??? What? A break already? Bollocks!

13 October 2010

Oh Happy Day

A new "Between Two Ferns" with Zach Galifianakis -- starring Bruce Willis! (Some brief NSFW language)

12 October 2010

The Event

Sean and the Female FBI Agent drive off, chased by the Phony FBI Agent. She shoots the phony dude in the neck as they drive. Booyah! Female FBI Agent wants revenge for all her dead buddies, so she wants to work with Sean to find that Kidnapping Bitch, Vicky. Guess what my main problem with this show is? I don't like Sean. He's a boring, whiny thing with awful facial hair. So I really don't care what happens to him. Or his girlfriend, who is currently tied up in a basement somewhere. Lucky for her, D.B. Sweeney drops a bottle on the floor and leaves some glass shards behind. Well, duh, wonder what she'll do with those?

The now-living, once-dead passengers of the flight are being questioned, but can't remember anything about the flight. The pilot remembers that the chick who threatened to kill his daughter - and forced him to fly the plane - was named Vicky.

The President gets a call from someone claiming to be responsible for pulling the plane from the sky. He wants all of the aliens released, or this time people will die. Vague threat is vague. So the President questions Sophia, telling her that he knows she killed one of her own that had planned to talk. Sophia tells him that the alien responsible is Thomas - a charismatic, intelligent, impulsive leader. She's all, You better do what he says.

That Annoying Prick Sean hacks into the National Intelligence Database to search for Kidnapping Bitch's aliases. They make some kind of leap that leads them to think she's in a house nearby. As they head for the door, this is clearly a Silence of the Lambs-style fakeout, but I appreciate the show for trying. Not. Sure enough, they've got the wrong house. Kidnapping Bitch isn't there, but her mother and son are. Jesus, but this show is full of plot contrivances. Good thing that kid was there, unsupervised, and good thing Sean was wandering around the house and ran into him, and good thing Sean had a picture of Vicky to show to the kid. They confront Vicky's mother and she gives them a phone number for Vicky.

Now we're back with the formerly-dead passengers, and they're all having nosebleeds. Well, that can't be good.

Just as she's about to be executed, Leila fights back, shoots at Vicky, and escapes. She finds a cop, who takes her to the local po-dunk station. It turns out that the kidnappers had set up her escape. They wanted her to call Sean, which she did. She had to leave him a message, though, because his cell phone battery is dead.

Tonight's flashbacks are of Sniveling Idiot Sean having Thanksgiving with Leila and her parents. They went a little something like this: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

So what the hell do I do with this show? I don't care about any of the characters, and I find most of them annoying. Plus, when the show ended tonight I didn't realize it was actually the end and I was all, "That's it?" So I'm thinking that means I'm done with it.

10 October 2010

Project Runway: Finally a BITCHY Episode

Challenge: Design activewear for Heidi's line. Yuck -- boring. Her line is super boring, it doesn't allow for full creativity, and the designers all hate the challenge. So at least it's funny to watch them get frustrated and hate their lives!

Mondo gets really bitchy with Heidi when she criticizes his work-in-progress. It's AMAZING! They are bitchy as hell! LOVE IT! He wasn't rude - he had every right. She just came in and sarcastically cut up everything he was doing. Eff her. Team Mondo! She's fabulously bitchy with Gretchen too. Team Heidi!

Then, after that crappy Work Room Visit and the crappy Boring Challenge, Heidi demands 2 additional looks. Eff you, Heidi. Your activewear line sucks and it sucks that someone has to go home for this crappy, narcissistic challenge.

Ousted designers are sent in to help. Oh, how I missed Casanova. He busts on Michael's color scheme - saying it looks like pumpkin pie and Thanksgiving. He's 100% right.

Ivy, a bitch who never lets things go, accuses Michael of cheating. Not on this challenge, mind you - on a previous one. She says his Jackie O Challenge dress was taped together, and accuses him of sabotaging everyone else as a result. Step off, bitch! Ivy and Michael go back and forth and she's a humongous bitch. Bitter much? Team Michael!

It gets to the point where Tim comes in and is all, "There's an accusation of cheating?" And Ivy, of course, rambles on and on about The Case of the Double Stick Tape. Tim's like, "Too late, bitch. Too bad, too sad. The cameras and producers would have caught it. Go die." I could be paraphrasing. I still don't even get how that would be cheating. People have been hot glueing stuff on this show for centuries.

On the runway, Gretchen's stuff bored me and some of it was gross, Andy's was cool - he made great use of a stripey pattern, April's was alright, Christopher's were pretty basic pieces, Michael's were over-styled and looked like Thanksgiving, and then Mondo's collection came down last and was amazing. It was definitely the best in terms of following the challenge but still being different and fashionable. Yay Mondo! Don't let that bitch keep you down!

Christopher, Gretchen, and Michael are in the bottom. I didn't think Christopher belonged there - I liked his pants and I would have put April there instead because of that one shorts outfit. But the judges convinced me when they picked apart his construction and proportion. On closer inspection, Gretchen had Christopher's weird proportion problem, and Michael's color and over-styling problem, plus her stuff was ugly.

Winner: Andy. All 3 of his pieces will be produced for Heidi's lame-ass line. I hope they outsell her pieces.

Bye-bye: Christopher. NO GODDAMMIT! I hate when someone I like goes home for a crappy challenge. At least Heidi got in a nice parting shot with Gretchen when she was safe: "Constructive criticism is not your enemy." I love that Heidi had to get in the last word. What a bitch!

Thanks for finally coming through with some bitchy drama, show!!