30 November 2009

Heroes: Last One of 2009

New Carnie Character Alert! We've got a new guy, wearing T Bag's favorite eyeliner, who can replicate himself. You know what that means - awkward special effects time!

Bennet asks the question we'd all like to know the answer to: "How does the compass work?" Unfortunately, he doesn't give us an answer, as his little girlfriend comes to pick him up for a date. Unfortunately, the date doesn't happen, as he realizes Claire has stolen said compass and they set to work looking for her.

Claire and Gretchen show up at the Carnival and T Bag gives them popcorn in a creepy manner, telling them to wander around until they finish the box. Which they take quite literally, and T Bag is right there when they're finished. Creepy times two. He takes them to the back, where Claire gets to bond with the Carnie Kids by telling them a boring story.

A disgruntled customer comes in and starts beating the crap out of T Bag for stealing his money. He then quite hilariously decides to beat up a 19-year-old girl too. WTF? He slices Claire in the face, and runs away when she heals. Lamest. Fight. Ever. Claire decides to stay at the Carnival for the weekend, because she likes to make dumb, random decisions.

Can I just say how simultaneously happy and angry I am that Robert Knepper is a part of this show? I love him, but he deserves better. It's not his damn fault.

Let's get to the good(er) stuff....

Peter has plans to take down Sylar, and they involve absorbing The Haitian's power-blocking power. Good idea, Peter! Way to use that brain! They have a nice epic fight - all with regular, human strength - ending when Peter crucifies Sylar to plyboard with a nail gun. That's some stuff from The Wire right there! This show just got awesome.

But then Peter makes a dumb deal with Sylar - I'll heal you if you give me back Nathan. Sylar doesn't fall for that crap, so Peter tries using The Haitian's other power to wipe out Sylar's memory. He does, and Sylar turns back into Nathan. Nathan is all emo with his brother/boyfriend, saying he's not sure he can maintain and he's not really Nathan, he's an illusion. This show just got less awesome.

Nathan tries to jump off of a building - which actually would be the smart thing to do - kill yourself and kill Sylar at the same time, right? But no - when Peter finally lets go of Nathan and he falls, quite hilariously, he falls onto a car (out of camera range to save money, mind you) and Sylar gets right back up again. I guess The Haitian's power ceased working by the time Nathan/Sylar hit the street. R.I.P. Nathan.

Any emotional impact caused by Nathan's death is completely negated when the very next thing shown is one of those damn Sprint "Slow Burn" product placement ads. Goddamn show. See you after the holidays. Thank God for Christmas!

25 November 2009

SYTYCD: Results

Cat's wearing another reptilian kind of shiny thing, and she's looking rough. Eye's all wonky again, one looks lower than the other. Get some sleep, Cat. But your hair still looks fierce.

Bottom Three Couples: Karen and Victor. Agree. Mollee and Nathan. Agree. Ellenore and Ryan. Agree, considering the other choices.

Russell and Legacy made the Top Ten! YAY!

Bye-bye: Karen and Victor. I'm fine with that. I love my Top Ten.

V: The Not-That-Exciting-Winter-Finale

Our Resistance Group is 4 members strong, and looking to find a way to expose the truth about the Visitors to the world. Elizabeth Mitchell is suspicious of Hotass Morris Chestnut and what his deal is. She somehow pieces it together, just FBI-women's intuition, I guess. And Morris is all, I'm cool, no worries, and fills her in on the Fifth Column, the alien resistance.

Morris knows that the V's are up to no good with a healing injection they're offering to the world - it's not all vitamins and healing properties. He tracks down a scientist who used to work on the project and is an undercover V, but he commits suicide when they capture him. Burny, ashy suicide. But they get a lead on a warehouse where V's are mixing their concoction into flu vaccine! TIMELY! This is why I don't get a flu vaccine, people - it's all an alien conspiracy. I will not be taken down, aliens!!! Our rebels blow the warehouse up.

Meanwhile, the Visitors are trying to figure out how their sleeper agent was murdered on their own ship. Anna's bitter about it and tells the medical staff - look, I know it was one of you, and if the person doesn't come forward, I'll punish an innocent person. Joshua is the dude who actually did it, but his buddy takes the blame and Joshua has to carry out the sentence - skinning. Ew. It looks painful, but of course they don't show anything because A) it's gross and B) special effects are expensive.

Anna also has her hooks in Tyler - she knows he's Elizabeth Mitchell's son and would be a valuable asset. Also, Anna is Tyler's little blond girlfriend's mother. Those V's must age well, or give birth at the human equivalent of 9. She hooks him in by showing him the ship engine, and suddenly visions of hot, MILF-y, alien threesomes are dancing through the kid's head.

Scott Wolf is brought in to report on the healing centers and the amazing work the V's are doing, healing burns and making people walk and such. Morris Chestnut's fiancee goes to a healing center for her heart problem. Scott Wolf is told he'll get a fatal brain aneurysm or something in 6 months. The creepy V dude is all, "There's a long waiting list for healing, but we can work something out." These insidious bastards!

Oh and Anna did this weird thing called "Bliss" where she got naked and, like, communed with the ship and spread light and happiness to the V's. It's like she has them drugged or something.

In mini-finale, not-all-that-shocking ending news:

Morris Chestnut's fiancee is pregnant. I am eagerly awaiting a lizard baby!

A V shows up to the church and stabs the Priest in the gut.

And we get a nice shot of the massive fleet of alien ships across the universe, poised for invasion.

24 November 2009

SYTYCD: Performances

1. Ellenore and Ryan

A) Lindy Hop. It was actually amazing. I was quite surprised, considering it was this old-fashioned dance. They were both really cute and energetic. And again Ryan is totally tolerable -- when he's wearing a shirt! Cover that crap up, man.

B) Broadway. Wow, they really drew 2 cutesy styles, didn't they? It had a bit of a quirky feel, which suits her style well. They were really strong and professional.

2. Kathryn and Legacy

A) Jazz by Sonya! I think I'm going to miss this couple the most once they all get broken up next week. It was another great, quirky Sonya routine and they killed it. They are both really amazing, and Legacy got to work in some cool b-boy moves.

B) Viennese Waltz. If Legacy does well at this, that solidifies him - he will be the most amazing dancer ever. It looked amazing to me. I'm a sucker for a B boy who can also do a mean waltz and cry about it. I guess technically it wasn't great, but it was pretty and I liked it.

3. Karen and Victor - New couple alert!

A) Tango. It was pretty goddamn amazing, and the perfect routine for the two of them.

B) Hip Hop by Laurieann Gibson. It wasn't great, and there were a couple times where they were off-sync. Eh. The judges were the exact opposite of enthusiastic.

4. Mollee and Nathan

A) Hip Hop. It was weird hip hop because it was about Alexander Graham Bell inventing the telephone. Not lying. They were way too cutesy and smiley - I didn't like it.

B) Cancan by Tyce. That's new. Parts of it were technically good and parts of it were hella cringe-worthy. It was a novelty kind of dance but it didn't move me.

5. Noelle and Russell

A) Samba. It was OK, but a bit awkward. She was awkward looking and seemed to get tired. Neither dancer's hips moved quickly enough.

B) Contemporary by Tyce. Hey - Katee from last season was totally assisting Tyce! It was really good. They both seemed really strong during the dance. Great lines and really powerful. It was so good, and Russell did an aerial!

6. Ashleigh and Jakob

A) Lyrical Jazz by Sonya! They're a great couple too. They had some amazing lifts and jumps. Sonya sure had 2 amazing routines by 2 great couples.

B) Cha Cha. It was goddamn amazing. It was her style, so of course she killed it, but I really love Jakob. He reminds me of Neil and I loved Neil. They have good chemistry too - for a minute there, I almost believed he would bang her.

23 November 2009

A Very Heroes Thanksgiving

I'd make some kind of Heroes/Thanksgiving/turkey joke if I were clever. I'm not.

T Bag watches Dr. Suresh's stag film and finds out that he has some kind of limitless potential. Hot Tattoo Lady wants to know WTF is up with Hiro not going back in time to save T Bag's brother Joseph, so she has Hiro transport them back 8 weeks so she can see for herself what happened to Joseph. What happened to Hiro getting tumors from excessive time travel?

While back in time, they see T Bag kill Joseph with a rock to the throat, all over that damn film. They come back to the present, where the carnies celebrate Thanksgiving. T Bag's speech to the family includes an accusation that Edgar killed Joseph. Hiro doesn't speak up because he doesn't want to endanger Charlie, wherever she may be. He freezes time and tells Edgar to leave and get his revenge later.

Bennet decides to cook Thanksgiving dinner for himself, Claire, his ex, and his ex's boyfriend. Poor Lyle, left out as always. That actor must not have aged well. But anyway, what happened to going out for Chinese? While Bennet's at Whole Foods, he runs into that chick who was given the seemingly-pointless flashback a few episodes back. Hey, not as pointless any more, is it?

Lauren - the near-cheater in question - is invited to dinner too. Sandra's boyfriend is a fellow show dog person. So Sandra's a beard, then? And why on earth would they all do Thanksgiving at the bachelor pad? It makes for an awkward dinner, made even better when Claire says she wants to drop out of school.

Peter confronts Mama Petrelli on the whole Nathan situation. She's all, "Happy Thanksgiving, let's talk about it while we eat mashed potatoes." And I thought my family holiday dinners were awkward. So it's around the Thanksgiving table that Nathan and Peter learn the truth. Who wants pie? Well, they never get the chance to have that pie, because suddenly, Nathan is consumed by some kind of blue lightning. And then he's Sylar. And he wants pie.

The return of Sylar makes this show enjoyable again. He keeps Peter and Angela at the table, and kisses Angela on the mouth. OK, that made me LOL. As he begins to kill Angela, Nathan reappears, fighting back. WAIT! The show just got good again! Come back, Sylar!!

19 November 2009

Project Runway: The Finale Finale

Yes, I actually stay up to watch the finale almost-live so I don't get accidentally spoiled. That's a fate worse than death, kids.

Carol Hannah's still sick, head in the toilet before going in to sew. I feel bad, but eventually it's like, enough, bitch. Are you crying because you're sick or are you crying because you have work to do? I couldn't tell. I would have quit and gone home to bed, but I guess that's just me.

Once again, Althea seems to be biting on Irina - this time copying the makeup look Irina chose. Then again, it's not like Irina has a freaking copyright on the smokey eye. Althea's just like me - she wants to be Irina.

Backstage, Tim starts freaking out because the models aren't ready and he wants them lined up. This is what happens when 3 chicks are in the finale - stuff runs late and Tim loses his cool. It's hysterical.

Althea claims she was inspired by sci-fi movies of the 50s and 60s. She had a really nice mix of jackets, pants, and dresses - her last dress is quite stunning. And of course she had sweaters - COPYCAT! Her line was more sportswear.

Carol Hannah suddenly feels better, now that she's done working. Her stuff looks great on the runway - I was surprised! I could die for the shade of purple she used. There were a couple things (hi there, shorts and cape!) I could have done without, but overall it was great. Though I don't think it was really cohesive - I don't understand what the commonality was.

Irina seemed super nervous on the runway. I thought her stuff worked very well as a cohesive collection, but there was a LOT of black. The stuff had an edge to it too which I liked, with some of her signature soft sweaters mixed in. As much as I love Irina, I liked Carol Hannah's clothes the most. But I still think Irina should win because she got the concept of making a collection.

There's no real celebrity finale judge this season, which sucks. Just some fat fashion critic whose hair looks like Cameron Diaz's in There's Something About Mary. I don't think that was hair gel she used up front. Did she forget to take a curler out or something? I didn't get it.

Winner: Irina! Yay! My girl - bitch though she may be - was also the best!!!

Best news of all? Season 7 premieres January 14.

Fringe: All Observer All The Time

My construction company got another shot on Fringe in the previouslys! Yay!!

We get to observe the Observers in their natural habitat - spying on people and writing in a strange language and not growing hair and catching bullets in their bare hands. This one in particular also kidnaps a chick, which is rare for them. They usually observe, not interfere.

The Observer leaves behind a book of his writing, and the team has a hard time breaking the code. Turns out Massive Dynamic has been trying to crack the code too so Peter and Olivia pay a visit to that funny dorky dude who works there. He's found those symbols in early writings around the world - and drawings and images of Observers going back hundreds of years!

The other Observers are bitter because "August" went rogue - the girl he kidnapped was supposed to be on a certain flight, and now he's changed how things were supposed to happen. The flight she was supposed to be on crashes and the Observer watches it on TV with the girl all, "See, I saved you."

August explains his actions to the other Observers - he has seen that the girl's important. But the others think he is mistaken, and so they send an assassin (is he a normal human? He's not an Observer) out to kill her.

Walter meanwhile has been acting sneaky the whole episode, sending Astrid off on an errand so he can leave the lab. Walter has secretly cracked the code left by August - and meets up with him. Walter's all adorable, begging, "Don't take my son, we had an arrangement." But that's not what August wants - he wants Walter to come up with a way to save the girl, like he saved Peter.

August sacrifices himself when the assassin shows up, hiding the girl first and then taking the bullets. As he's dying, August gives his cool air gun thing to Peter, who uses it to kill the assassin. By the time Olivia and Peter go back, August is gone. Our main Observer picked him up, and as he's dying in the car, August says that he thinks he loved the girl. The girl is now safe because August made her important by sacrificing himself - his death made her important.

The Walter/Peter interaction was off the hook this episode. I love it so much. To me, the most tragic thing in the world is the idea that Walter took Peter from another universe and he's tortured by it, and scared that Peter will find out. Not to mention what the hell the Walter in the other universe is going through.

Walter's Craving of the Week: More like an obsession - and it's milkshakes. His favorite ice cream store has shut down and he's trying to recreate their strawberry milkshake. I envy the Fringe partiers next episode!

This Week's Code: BLIGHT.

I love this show so much I'm willing to overlook the blatant FORD/SIRIUS product placement. This episode was amazing and unusually quiet - in 2 weeks it looks like we get another monster fest!

The Ruins

It's KellyAnne's birthday, so she gets hammered and then cries when Brad starts criticizing something-or-other. And sobs when Dunbar claims they once had sex. Bitch, you're having sex with Wes - Dunbar is 100 steps up. Dunbar actually uses the phrase "just the tip". LOL!

Once Brad gets really drunk, he starts to pick fights with guys. It was embarrassing how he was acting with Darrell. It came out of nowhere, made no sense, and he was literally flexing and saying "son". Typical drunken frat boy. And it was enough to provoke Darrell - he punched the crap out of Brad. Who can blame him? It's like when Tonya finally hit Veronica.

Brad's bleeding like crazy but still fighting people and kicking things. What the hell happened to him? Oy, his eye was blown the crap up and gushing blood!!! The best part was the next day when he's all sober and giving the interview to the camera with one blown-up, swollen-shut purple eye. Dumb. Ass.

Bye-bye: Brad and Darrell. The Challengers are going to end up with all girls (and all sucky girls) and I'm going to laugh and laugh.

Evan's Line of the Day: "Susie... God bless her golden hair and Amish looks." Amish looks! I love Evan!!

The Ruins: Susie v. Kimberly and Dunbar v. Johnny. They pull a "to be continued" -- as if this was the part of the show I cared about. There was an epic fight!

Top Chef

Quickfire Challenge: Create a turducken, essentially. Put a protein inside a protein inside a protein. Mmmm... bacon inside of turkey inside of chicken. Jennifer's wins with her nasty seafood thing, so I guess she's not choking anymore.

Elimination Challenge: Something French-sounding that seems like it's essentially the Cooking Olympics. Make little food on big ass platters. Make it good. The end.

I started to get worried that my man Kevin would be in trouble, but of course Eli crapped the bed with his lamb. Thank god Eli can be counted on for that.

Winner: Kevin. Oh hells yes. They were all busting on him for being too simple so I was worried, and yet he wins. They must have just had to pick on something.

Bye-bye: Eli. As it should have been.

For the finale: Michael, Jennifer, Kevin, and Brian. And I'm going to Brian's restaurant next Saturday! Yay! I haven't decided if I want to ask him for spoilers yet.

18 November 2009

SYTYCD: Results

Cat is disappointing me tonight - hair too straight, boring, pale, short-sleeved, collared dress. As ridiculous as she can get at times, I do like my Cat Deeley crazier. Her shoes are crazy, but that's it. She also looks really tired - which makes her eyes go wonkier than ever.

The group performance was amazing, and I could tell it was Wade Robson.

Why does Ashleigh wear this 50's outfit every results show? Is it in case she has to do a solo? She's always wearing a poodle skirt and scarf. It's odd. But maybe it's her lucky outfit, because she's always safe.

Bottom Three Couples: Karen & Kevin. Agree. Channing & Victor. Agree. Mollee & Nathan. Agree. Guess the girls were in line for Twilight last night and didn't get a chance to call in for their boy Nathan. I'm fine with this bottom three - we can lose any of them - none of them would have been at the very top. Plus we should get good solos.

Or maybe not. Karen danced like a bad stripper - her solo tanked. Kevin was good, but I've seen better hip hop. Channing was fine and Mollee was crazy acrobatic. I thought Victor was good, but Nathan made me remember why I used to like him before his personality got in the way - he was cool.

Bye-bye: Kevin and Channing. They pretty much kept Karen because of her past performances. And Kevin is hard to lose, but I can't argue with his solo being the weakest tonight. Now Russell has to hold it down for the brothers, and Karen and Victor will be paired up.

17 November 2009

SYTYCD: Performances

Cat's wearing an aluminum foil wrap dress tonight. She looks like a fabulous baked potato. Tonight, we got kid pictures and stories of the dancers' early performances. Nothing makes me feel older than watching a show where these people's "childhood dances" involved copying the "Bye Bye Bye" video. Yikes.

1. Ashleigh and Jakob - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a great performance. I can't stand Ashleigh and I'll admit she was good. Jakob is 100% amazing and needs to win this!!

2. Karen and Kevin - Broadway. Jazz hands! Honestly, I thought the choreography was lame. So it just didn't pop and wasn't too exciting. Kevin looked a bit awkward, perhaps, but he did admirably.

3. Noelle and Russell - Foxtrot. This is the second time they've picked this dance, but she was injured the first time and didn't get to do it. The judges didn't like him doing it the first time, so the pressure is on. It was a slow routine, but got better as it went on. Russell just seems so restrained when he's... well... restrained. The judges said he improved a lot over last time - I'm sure he listened to the criticism from last time and learned. That Russell's a smart kid. The judges liked Noelle too.

4. Channing and Victor - Jazz by Tyce. They danced to a Bobby McFerrin song, which does no one any favors. The music was too odd and off-putting to me. But the performance was strong.

5. Kathryn and Legacy - Paso Doble. Woah it was good and he was strong and commanding. I always love a good paso doble. Kathryn was intense and strong and mature too.

6. Ellenore and Ryan - Contemporary by Travis Wall. It was a really lovely routine and had lots of nice jumps and lifts. They were lovely! The judges really couldn't get enough - especially of Ryan. I think Adam's smitten.

7. Mollee and Nathan - Pop Jazz by Laurieann Gibson. It was cool, but they seemed a bit out of sync at times and they're clearly not as good as everyone else. I'm biased because I hate them now. They need to go and Channing and Victor need to go. After that, it'll be tough.


I might have a problem referring to the aliens as V's. V just makes me think of vagina. Just me? Also, maybe Elizabeth Mitchell doesn't wear too much makeup. Maybe it's just the fact that she's wearing ANY makeup that's throwing me off. I prefer her natural Lost look.

The Visitors have been granted visas to enter the United States. I just realized we have a Priest and an FBI Agent taking on aliens single-handedly. Did this Priest used to be a cop or something because he sure does love investigating. He's digging through files while Elizabeth Mitchell is out working for a living. She's assigned to help guard the V building after a death threat and protests. While she's there, she discovers a room where the V's are spying on humans - and finds that they have cameras hidden in the jackets worn by V's and the Hitler V Youth.

Then we have Hotass Morris Chestnut leading a hotass alien resistance. He's done this before - he talks about a group called The Fifth Column which fought V's in the past. And he's contacting John May, the leader of the old resistance. The Priest finds Chestnut's buddy Georgie in the files and they hook up - time to join these 2 resistance groups!!

There was also a cool, unexpected bit where Elizabeth Mitchell's not-dead alien partner is revived - and tells the V assigned to him about her and how she saw his true face. The partner wants him dead -- but then the V is all, "The Fifth Column says hi" and kills him, seeking Lizzie as an ally. Eff yeah! Fifth Column all the way!

More Ferns!

My favorite web series returns! Here's Conan O’Brien with Papa Smurf - I mean, Zach Galifianakis.

16 November 2009

Heroes: More Headaches

Let's start with the time travel. T Bag tells Hiro to go back to when he killed Mohinder. But not to save Mohinder's life - to save a film from the 60s that Mohinder has. Must be one good porno.

Nine weeks ago, Mohinder is back to teaching in India, back with his ex-girlfriend, and apparently not a fly anymore. No mention of that business at all. But he's still all sneaky about his father's research. Good thing he happens to have a projector to play an old film on. Huh?

The film has some secret formula on it that his father discovered -- because of course the most efficient way of preserving a scientific breakthrough is by filming it. Not writing it down, or even a photograph. A 20mm film. But it gets even better - it wasn't a scientific formula - it was instructions for making a compass, like the one T Bag has. And Mohinder says that if the man who has the compass gets enough specials around him then watch out, bub! Oh good lord. Somehow he knows that Samuel is destined to become an evil genius.

Mohinder follows the compass all the way from India to the carnival -- OH. GOOD. LORD. REALLY? -- and meets up with T Bag's brother. He knows about T Bag's potential too - and he tells Mohinder to burn the film and leave. T Bag overhears this, which is why he wants the film. He wants him some great power.

Mohinder must have stopped off along the way for lighter fluid and matches, because he sets out to burn the film back at his hotel. But Hiro shows up just as he starts, and switches out the reels. He also puts a bulletproof vest on Mohinder so that when T Bag shows up and shoots Mohinder with stone bullets, he survives. Hiro hides Mohinder away in an insane asylum (in Florida) for 8 weeks so that he doesn't disrupt the timeline and he can still save Charlie. That Hiro sure does think fast on his feet, no? No.

Now we'll cover the Sylar's Body v. Sylar's Mind mess. Nathan's back at work, being a Senator and stuff. Pretty cool that no one noticed he was gone for a week. That Governor from South Carolina went to bang his Argentinian girlfriend for a weekend and the world noticed. Well, it turns out Mama Petrelli covered for him and said he was on vacation. Way to close that hole, writers.

The Haitian sends Peter to check out a storage facility so he can know the truth - and he and Nathan find Nathan's corpse in a casket. PROBLEM! They burned Nathan's body last season. I haven't forgotten that. They all stood around and burned Nathan-as-Sylar... but I guess they can say Matt made it look like they were burning him when they really weren't. OK, I might let that hole slide.

Nathan and Peter set off to find Matt, because Nathan has a memory of him yelling or something and thinks it's important. When they find out Matt's in a hospital -- because as you'll recall he got shot roughly 53 times in the chest -- Peter's all, "Cool, I can heal him." And he does. How Matt had even survived to make it to the hospital -- don't ask.

Matt tells The Petrelli Brothers all about how Sylar killed Nathan and all that jazz. It's all nice and confusing as Head Sylar tries to get Not Nathan to touch him so he can transfer himself back into his body. I've gone cross-eyed.

They touch, but then Nathan flies himself and Peter out into The Majestic Green Screen Mountains. Nathan is really accepting of this whole he's-really-Sylar idea, but I suppose he's seen weirder.

We'll close out with some hot lesbian action. Could Claire wear shorter shorts when doing laundry at her dad's apartment? I don't think so. Jesus. She's there when Tracy shows up, freaking out because her power's gone wonky and she's inadvertently freezing things. Then it's Tracy's turn to strip down into her underwear and get into a hot bath. But she starts to freeze the water, and eventually turns Claire to ice and breaks off her foot. Later, they wear men's shirts and share some tea and power-speculation on the couch. It's weird for these two chicks who haven't really interacted before to be sudden BFF's, no? In the midst of their hot lesbian action, Tracy decides that she needs to join the carnival.

The show closes with T Bag, who has evidently discovered how to make himself all-powerful, sweet talking Tracy and trying to persuade her to do whatever it is he needs her to do.

15 November 2009

Project Runway: Finale Part 1

We begin with Tim Gunn's obligatory visit to the designers' home turf. Carol Hannah's squatting in some chick's Long Island McMansion. Irina lives in a closet in Manhattan. And Althea's designing in a studio in beautiful, exotic Dayton, Ohio.

The only real "controversy" we get is that Irina has to re-do some tee shirts she was working on because she used copyrighted images of Coney Island. How do you copyright Coney Island? Also, one of Althea's looks apparently looks like one of Irina's, but she didn't exactly copy her from Ohio... or did she?

Carol Hannah misses the first day in NYC because she has a stomach virus. Whatever, she probably ate some bad Thai food. Or maybe she was Swine Flu Patient Zero.

Tim seems to think Althea's stuff is nothing but a hot mess, and I agree, but it's hard to tell when they're just on hangers. Irina's is a LOT of black. Like, all black. And Carol Hannah's stuff has cooties.

For what I'm pretty sure is the first time ever, Michael Kors and Nina Garcia show up while the designers are working to give them some advice. It's really just generic advice though, nothing specific to their designs. Heidi shows up too, with a surprise that isn't much of a surprise if you've watched previous seasons - orders to make a 13th look. And of course they get the usual help, in the form of former contestants. Althea chooses Logan, Irina chooses Gordana, and Carol Hannah gets Christopher.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say a female wins this whole damn thing.

14 November 2009


I love me some good disaster porn. And 2012 certainly had it. But somehow - even though they destroyed pretty much the entire planet - it wasn't enough for me. Because of course it was surrounded by "drama" and very cliche action and too many narrow escapes and coincidences.

But I have to say it's fun to watch the earth crumble and landmarks fall. And it's always fun to watch Chiwetel Ejiofor. Always. I'd say a movie like Independence Day is still better - because you have a villain there. You have humanity uniting to fight a clear enemy, whereas here the enemy is just the sun and Mother Nature.

It's worth it to see the movie for the disaster porn, but don't expect much beyond that. (I didn't.) The movie really focuses on 3 things: the destruction of the world, the preservation of the human race, and childhood incontinence. I'm not lying when I say that bedwetting was a pretty central plot point. Pull Ups - definitely the oddest product placement in a major motion picture.

12 November 2009

Fringe: Gingers Are Evil

I have never needed an episode of Fringe as badly as I do today. Work day from hades, muscle spasm... all worth it if I can have Pacey and Walter.

Freak of the Week: Guy makes a cop leap to his death and another cop kills 2 other cops before killing herself. Guy later makes a guy pour a pot of scalding hot coffee onto his head. Holy crap. This show is hella violent.

The team pays a visit to Massive Dynamic (because the son of one of their doctors has been kidnapped by the Mind Control Dude). Walter's all sweet and sad about how William Bell accomplished so much and he didn't. Aw, my cute, cuddly baby Walter.

Walter uses a teddy bear as a weapon - Pacey's old teddy bear which emits white noise. The bear is rigged up so that the white noise is pumped into the headphones of agents going in to nab the Bad Guys - blocking the mind control.

But it turns out that the Mind Controller was really the Ginger son - and he gets Pacey under his control. Apparently puberty + ADD medication + the doctor's brainwave enhancer = Mind Controlling Ginger. And Walter is PISSED at the doctor because Peter's been kidnapped. I do love a protective, fatherly Walter. "How can I do this without Peter? He always helps me. I can't lose him again." Too sweet! Walter's killing me!!!

Peter's OK though, the kid's taking him on a road trip filled with strip clubs and steak and fries, a road trip on the way to see his mother. By the time the FBI catches up to them, Peter's about to be forced to shoot the mother's new husband. He shoots Broyles clear through the arm instead. Broyles is, of course completely cool and unphased over the gunshot. He rules.

The team catches up with a device Walter has rigged to disrupt the Ginger's brainwaves. It works and Peter is freed.

It's revealed that the Ginger was a huge Massive Dynamic experiment - there are multiple Gingers as test subjects, all assigned to "surrogate parents" and in this case, this one got a hold of Google to find out where his mother was. There was a veritable Ginger Ward at Massive Dynamic.

Ickiness of the Week: Walter picks apart the cop's brain, complete with bone saw and skull fragments. Ugh. He also suggests her brain would taste like chicken. Not my favorite Walter's Food Craving of all time.

Walter's Food of the Week: He makes Peter crepes (he used to call them creeps as a kid). That's better.

This Week's Code: ARRIVE.

Top Chef

Robin and Eli are the ones that clearly do NOT belong here anymore. If they don't leave next, there is no justice.

Quickfire Challenge: Make breakfast in bed for Padma and Nigella Lawson. For once, something Eli made actually looked good - a Reuben Benedict. I'd eat that. And he beat out Kevin's Steak & Eggs, so it must have been good. And OH SNAP it'll be in the Top Chef cookbook. Now I need to make that!

Elimination Challenge: Create a dish (for 175 people!) inspired by a chosen casino.

Robin makes panna cotta - part of it doesn't end up on the plate and the part that does sucks. Eli's caramel-apple-and-peanut soup sucks too. So no surprise who's in the bottom. Jennifer's in the bottom though too - she must be cracking under pressure, because she's been slipping lately.

Winner: Michael. His take on chicken wings sure did look good.

Bye-bye: Robin. Oh thank heaven. One down, one to go.

The Ruins

This episode didn't have much going on. But looks like we're in for crying and PUNCHING next week. Yay!

The Challenge was this horrific thing where you had to get inside of a huge tire and then be rolled down a bumpy hill. No thanks.

Ruins: Johanna v. Sarah and Darrell v. Cohutta. The Champions have been successful at keeping Casey on the Challengers team, and the Challengers (especially Brad) are pissed.

Bye-bye: Cohutta and Johanna. Johanna was obvious because Sarah has the positive, Zen approach to competition and Johanna was so negative. Power of positive thinking people!

11 November 2009

SYTYCD: Results

The group performance was a truly wonderful tribal thing. The problem is, they were all in such heavy makeup that I couldn't tell who was who. There are too many people at this point and I couldn't tell what they really looked like. Speaking of heavy makeup, Hi Cat!! She also appears to have a beetle in her hair.

Bottom Three Couples:

Ellenore and Ryan. OK. Pauline and Peter. OK. Karen and Kevin. WRONG. It should have been Mollee and Nathan, and the judges said as much too. Those 2 are probably going to skate by on their cuteness factor. 10 year old girls will always vote for Nathan. Nigel really chastised him about it - saying girls like him, and not for his dancing. Wow, Nigel, take a chill pill - it's one week.

I thought the girls all had strong solos. Ryan should always wear long-sleeved shirts. I'd say it should be Pauline and Peter, given these choices. Nigel ranted and raved about the solos being crap. I mean, he really went off and yelled. So curmudgeonly tonight. Jesus.

Bye-bye: Pauline and Peter. I'm fine with that. But somebody get Nigel some Pamprin. He was so rough on everybody, and in a bitchy way. Boo.

One Down

Well, crap, my DVR just got a bit emptier. R.I.P. Dollhouse.
Fox has pulled the plug on Joss Whedon's controversial mind-sponges-for-hire show Dollhouse, although the show will finish the 13 episodes already planned.

More here, linked by Bobby Z.

10 November 2009

Clash of the Titans: Oh. Snap.

I was obsessed with Clash of the Titans when I was younger. I remember being freaked out (by now-horrid special effects) and seeing it at the drive-in movie theater. This trailer for the remake looks pretty kickass. This time I think it'll be actually-scary.

SYTYCD: Performances

Woah! Cat Deeley is looking very V tonight - she has this sexy reptilian thing going. It's insane. I love her.

1. Karen and Kevin - The Hustle. The Hustle's an actual dance? It was cool and disco-ish but a little pose-y for my tastes.

2. Ashleigh and Jakob - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was done to "Relax" which made it awesome, and Jakob is an insane dancer so it was really awesome.

3. Pauline and Peter - Quickstep. We find out that, just like Matt Dillon, Peter works with retards. No wonder he thinks he's a good dancer. The routine was a little racist - she's Filipina so they make her a Hula girl enticing a sailor? Nice. It looked alright to me, and it makes sense that Peter's tapping feet would be good at the quick steps.

4. Kathryn and Legacy - Broadway. Get this people - here's something "American doesn't know" about Legacy - he likes soccer. Yep, he's Latino and his likes soccer. Amazing. They were really good - Legacy's movements are so fluid - I love him so much! And I hate being proven wrong, but I misjudged him.

5. Channing and Victor - Contemporary by Stacey. New couple alert! It was really good - lots of nice, fluid movements - and he could actually lift her big ass, which is a positive. They're a nice fit and it was their style.

6. Ellenore and Ryan - Hip Hop by Lil C. Oh snap - Ryan's douchey whitebread ass is gonna do hip hop? She was amazing! She was really hitting it, so I just watched her instead of cringing at Ryan. Adam and Mary said he did well enough, but Nigel just slammed them. Awkward.

7. Mollee and Nathan - Salsa. Some of the lifts were awkward, but overall it was OK. That girl can shake her ass, which is disturbing for someone who looks 12. The judges hated it hard.

8. Noelle and Russell - Afro Jazz. The style was amazing and it was really incredible. I didn't know that girl had it in her! They had this amazing lift/flip sequence too. Most fun of the night.


So here's where things stand. Aliens (Visitors) have arrived, claiming to be peaceful and just needing some water. We found out they've been living among us for a while - disguised as human. Elizabeth Mitchell discovered that her FBI partner of 7 years was one after he tried to kill her and his skull peeled back to reveal his true lizard form.

Meanwhile, the Visitors are recruiting kids like the Hitler Youth, including Elizabeth Mitchell's son. And fine-ass Morris Chestnut is also a Visitor In Disguise, but a good one. He's in love with a human woman and he's from a renegade group of lizards who don't agree with the bad lizards.

Not too much happened this week. The FBI is investigating the "disappearance" of Elizabeth's Lizard Partner - and he gets reborn on the Mother Ship. The U.S. opened diplomatic relations with the Visitors. And Elizabeth Mitchell wears too much makeup on this show.

Mike's betting that the son's fat friend is the first one to be eaten. I really hope these Visitors still eat people.

09 November 2009

SYTYCD: Jason's Not Gay

That's the breaking news I got out of this story:

Does the couple that's eliminated together, stay together? It seems like it is the case with season 5 dancers Jason Glover and Janette Manrara, who have become partners off the dance floor.

Good for them - he's adorable and she has big gums. Long live love.


So we're back at that sorority prank, where the 2 random girls have caught Claire regenerating. But she solved that problem by saying she was hallucinating something too and they must have been drugged. Most gullible. Girls. Ever.

Meanwhile, it doesn't matter anyway because The Haitian is hanging out in sorority houses now, trying to get some young tail. Claire called Daddy and it's all taken care of. Now The Haitian (Claire actually called him by a name - Rene. Yay for names!) is her bodyguard. Gretchen's freaked out by the Invisible Girl trying to kill her, so she drops out of school and flies back home.

T Bag shows up to Claire's dorm room looking for Invisible Girl (I thought he was back in time with Hiro, but what do I know) and lays it all out there - we're both special and I have stuff to tell you. Turns out, Invisible Girl has gone off the rails and is really after Bennet, because he killed her father back when she was a kid. Oops.

Peter's using his new healing ability to, well, heal people. And it's draining him. In a particularly hilarious bit, Deaf Girl and Peter find this little girl passed out. I'm pretty sure she was just in a closet or something. Like, why was this girl just laying there and why was no one with her? Ugh. Whatever the reason, Deaf Girl used her medical school skills to save her so that Peter wouldn't be any more drained. And then I LOL'd when Peter asked Deaf Girl, "Are you gonna go back to school? Go be a doctor?" Oh Lord. "Be a doctor?" Who talks like that?

Sylar's using Matt's body, but then Matt's still somehow in control too. Like, Sylar went to the airport, but Matt packed a gun into their bag without him knowing so that the TSA stops them. How? What? Who? He somehow talks his way out of airport jail and then kills a dude who pulls over to help him change a flat tire. That's Sylar's way of making sure Matt doesn't mess with him anymore.

They end up at the Burnt Toast Diner, because there are no other towns in Middle America but Midland, Texas and no other diners but the Burnt Toast Diner. And also, the set was already built, so it's cheap. Matt doodles "I have a gun and I'm going to kill everyone" on a napkin for the waitress to find and then commits suicide by cop when the cops show up. Matt/Sylar is gunned down with 100 bullets to the chest, and looks dead, but he's still in the ambulance when we leave him so who knows. I'm not R.I.P.-ing Matt yet. But a girl can hope.

The Other Sylar (Physical!Sylar?) is at the carnival, and he has changed back into Nathan in his sleep. He shows up at Peter's apartment. The end.

Sure enough, in the preview, we see Peter healing Matt. Great. Not dead yet.

The Ruins

This week's challenge involves wasting a lot of fruit. I'm sure the people of Thailand appreciate drunken MTV kids coming in and making a game out of throwing their fruit around. Nice.

Not much happened, though the best part was when Evan, Susie, and Johanna were discussing their secret alliance and didn't realize Veronica was in the room. Evan tried to play it off like he knew, but he didn't know. It was pretty funny. Love it when someone gets caught scheming, even if it is on this pointless show.

Ruins: Veronica v. KellyAnne and Syrus v. Cohutta. I kept waiting for Cohutta to drop a racial epithet about Syrus when he discussed him - everything about his accent screams dumb redneck. No such luck - he just called Syrus a big, strong, 200-pound "guy".

Bye-bye: Syrus and Veronica. KellyAnne's strategy was "to stay calm and collective." That must be why she won. She seemed very collective.

06 November 2009

Project Runway

Challenge: Use the Getty Museum as inspiration for a design. They're introduced to the Mayor of Los Angeles and I think he's wearing lipstick. That makes sense.

Carol Hannah's inspiration was a bed, Gordana's and Irina's were paintings, Althea's was the architecture of the building, and Christopher's was the fountain -- with algae on it. Of course Christopher has to pick out the algae.

The chicks are super bitchy, and not just Irina. She's rubbing off on Gordana too.

Althea's dress looked like a puckered mess. Carol Hannah's dress made her model look fat. The middle and bottom of Christopher's was horrible and Gordana's was simple and looked like crinkled paper. Irina went way outside what she usually does and did this flowy dress thing. Overall, boo.

Bye-bye: Christopher and Gordana.

All-Vagina Fashion Week Finale: Irina, Carol Hannah, and Althea.

05 November 2009

Fringe: Now With 200% More Broyles

Thanks, Yankees. Love you.

Freak of the Week: Guy is attacked by a shadowy figure. Like, literally, a person made out of a shadow. And then he disintegrates into ash. Awesome.

The Team examines what's left of the body - he fell apart like a burned log, part of him still sitting in a chair. It's one of the cooler-looking deaths, and that's saying a lot on this show. Walter has the rest of the body transported in a DustBuster. Broyles has seen this 4 years ago - in DC. Back then, the deaths were all linked to a hospital worker who Broyles tried to catch. The killer would call Broyles and try to get him to solve a formula, but it was unsolvable.

As they investigate, it happens again at a hospital - half of a woman's head disintegrates into her pillow. The suspect is a Russian night nurse who used to work in DC, and is wanted by the CIA.

OK so. Here's the deal on this one - the Russian Dude's brother was a cosmonaut, who came back from space in a coma -- and apparently with some shadow thing inside of him. And ever since, The Russian Dude has been taking his comatose brother to different hospitals, where the shadow escapes his body and kills people who were treated with radiation - it feeds off of the radiation. Walter discovers all of this through liberal usage of Tinker Toys.

Unfortunately, the shadow kills the Russian Dude. The Team tracks it down and then Broyles does the badass thing and shoots the comatose guy right in the head! Awesome! That makes the shadow disappear. Later, when Broyles asks the CIA what they did with the body, the guy says, "When he started breathing again..." and looks up into space.

This episode was highly Broyles-centric, which is awesome. This case was the one that broke up his marriage when he became too obsessed with it. And he has kids too, but this is the first we've heard. How sad. No wonder he just wanted to shoot the guy in the head and get it over with!

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Licorice. That reminds me! I got a great comment on my last recap -- the person said that they have a Fringe viewing party every week where they eat Walter's food craving of the previous episode. That. Is. Awesome. If I were you, I'd do red licorice, not black. They never specified.

This Week's Code: D (that's where I yelled, "Dees nuts!!" But it didn't end there - DEJA VU.

Charlotte Prinze is Cute

I mean, nowhere near as cute as the kids I'll be seeing this weekend... but damn close!

More here.

04 November 2009

V: You Should Watch It

Since I don't watch commercials, I totally didn't realize V was premiering yesterday. But it did. I had seen the pilot at Comic-Con, so of course I didn't need to watch it on network television like the common folk.

I think it has promise. I think Scott Wolf is funny. I think Elizabeth Mitchell is beautiful and awesome and kicks ass. And I look forward to more alien action.

The Ruins: I Know, I Need To Reprioritize

"Finally we get a day off." That's how Johnny actually starts the episode. Yeah, because blackout drinking and fighting is hard work.

Wes is all offended because Cohutta is carrying a torch for his girl KellyAnne. I'm so enthralled by this conversation, that I just tonight noticed how big KellyAnne's boobs are. Wow. BIG.

The Challenge was really brutal - it involved 3 people trying to drag another person off of a pole and across the sand. Lordy. The Champions won by a mile - no one could pull Evan off that pole because "we do stuff like this in Canada for fun."

Guys in The Ruins: Wes and Cohutta.

Girls in The Ruins: Ibis and Kimberly, because the smaller group was deadlocked and TJ made the rest of the team vote without any discussion, so no opportunity for alliances or whatever. Apparently, it was a GIANT BETRAYAL to Ibis.

Bye-bye: Ibis (BETRAYAL!) and Wes. Wow. Cohutta beat him by a mile, and Wes was hysterically all, "How is this happening?" Bye, Ginger Marshmallow.

03 November 2009

SYTYCD: Performances AND Results

Baseball = performance/elimination episode. But I really need the World Series to end tomorrow so I can get an episode of Fringe Thursday, k? Go Yankees!

1. Russell and Noelle - this bizarre little Hip Hop Tennis routine by a new choreographer. I really just watched Russell and he's awesome.

2. Ashleigh and Jakob - Viennese Waltz by Tony and Melanie. It was really good. Again, he's better than she is - his movements are just so sharp. Love him.

3. Bianca and Victor - Gospel-themed Broadway by Tyce Diorio. That was hella awkward. Why did it seem to me like they were dancing their own dances and it wasn't really cohesive? I didn't feel the Spirit.

4. Mollee and Nathan - Bollywood! It was sooo good. The Bollywood numbers always kill - they're so hard but so far all of them have been amazing! Mollee must have taken her Ritalin tonight because she wasn't so annoying. The judges kept commenting on her new "maturity." In other words, shut up and calm down, bitch.

5. Channing and Phillip - Samba by Tony and Melanie. Channing is built like a volleyball player and it seems like Phillip has a hard time lifting her big ass. It makes for more awkwardness. I had to rewind at one point to cringe at the horridness -- they had to pause so she could essentially climb up on him. It was like it was in slow motion. It was a struggle!!! Hella cringe-worthy. She's definitely way better and needs to be paired with a bigger, stronger dancer. Phillip needs to go.

6. Karen and Kevin - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon, son! It was really good - it was his style, and it suited Karen well too. Adam's in lust with Karen, it's hysterical. She might make him go straight!

7. Kathryn and Legacy - Contemporary by Stacey. It was a beautiful piece and crazy good. And soooo unexpected. I don't particularly like either of them, and always thought he was no good at choreography, but they BLEW. ME. AWAY. The part where he jumped onto her? I got goosebumps!!!!! When have we ever seen anything like that? That was unreal. I rewound that one, and not for the cringe factor this time. Adam was so proud of Legacy, it was so cute.

8. Pauline and Peter - Jazz by Wade Robson. New couple alert! Bizarre Wade alert! The dancers were people that Van Gogh had painted into A Starry Night and then erased and then come back to haunt the painter. No really. Wade is way out there sometimes. It was really good, even if it was hella odd. But Peter is a typical Philly dirtbag. Ugh.

9. Ellenore and Ryan - Argentine Tango by Some Argentines. They're gonna kill this. Her dress hem was caught on her heel for about a third of it, but they kept going and it was great - really tight and professional. I'm surprised her dress didn't come off. Too bad. I still think Kathryn and Legacy were the best tonight.

Bottom Two Girls: Noelle and Bianca.

Bottom Two Guys: Phillip and Victor.

Most Accurate Bottom Four Ever. No complaints here.

Bye-bye: Bianca and Phillip. Two tappers down, one to go. It was quite obvious it was Phillip's time to go, and Noelle actually put a lot of passion into her solo. I am SO HAPPY I don't have to look at Phillip's dumb, shiny, smiley face ever again. Bye. (I almost felt bad when he mentioned that his father had died last week. Almost.)

02 November 2009

Heroes: A Headache If Ever There Was One

Time travel. Headaches. Actions that make zero sense. Seemingly pointless subplots. That's what we got tonight.

Hiro travels back to 3 years ago. An innocent time -- when the show kicked ass and owned my life. He actually bores a kid with the story of his attempts to save Charlie from Sylar. The kid doesn't care. The kid should go tell his parents that a strange dude is talking to him about loving someone named Charlie.

OK, so why doesn't Hiro just kill Sylar when he first sees him at the diner, right? Kill him and it's all taken care of. But that would make too much sense, yes?

Bennet's at the diner too, which I don't remember from 3 years ago, and he's with a partner we've never seen before... a partner who wants to bang him. He's married, bitch. Wait 3 years.

Hiro freezes time as Sylar's about to kill Charlie and wheels Sylar out in a hand truck, putting him into a bus luggage compartment. Instead of killing him. He then convinces his past self to still go back in time and... I have a headache. There was a lot of time travel talk and that never ends well.

But then of course Charlie is still dying of a brain tumor, which Hiro knew, yes? So he goes back and gets Sylar out of the bus so he can fix Charlie. Cuz Sylar's the cooperative type. Hiro makes a deal with Sylar -- save Charlie and I'll tell you everything about the future. Right. So shouldn't Sylar just take Hiro's power and figure that out for himself? But no, Sylar actually removes the brain tumor and then Hiro tells him that he kills a lot of people and dies alone. Cool, thanks for the info. And then Hiro lets Sylar go off to try to kill Claire, et al.

Charlie's not as grateful as one might think, considering Hiro saved her life. She calls him selfish, and says it was wrong of him to let Sylar go and kill all those other people. And then a few minutes later she changes her mind, as most characters on this show do. She says she loves Hiro and they're going to have a happy ending, right? Wrong. Because T Bag shows up to tell Hiro that he's transported Charlie back to the present-day carnival. Goddammit my head!

So T Bag is hiding Charlie somewhere, in an effort to get Hiro to help him out. WHY DOES NONE OF THIS MAKE SENSE!? It hurts. OK, so T Bag tells Hiro he made a mistake 8 weeks ago and needs to have it corrected. (T Bag has that dying time traveler dude - he could get him 3 years into the past but he couldn't get him 8 weeks back? I don't know.)

Anyway, the mistake T Bag made appears to be shooting and killing Mohinder. Remember Mohinder? Yeah, he used to be on this show. When it was good.

And I don't have the slightest idea what the point of the new past between Bennet at that partner was. At all.

My head hurts, my neck hurts, my brain hurts, the end.

01 November 2009

Project Runway

Oops. In all of the Halloween excitement, I forgot to watch Project Runway. And yet somehow remained remarkably unspoiled.

Challenge: Create a companion piece for your best look.

Christopher wants to create this huge gown to go with his short dress. You can't do a dress like that by midnight, ass! Logan rips off one of Althea's old designs by making a collar with zippers. Like, 100% rips it off. Ass the second.

The other designers call Irina "Meana Irina" LOL. Yeah sure, she's a bitch, but she's talented and fabulous and I want to be her. What does that say about me?

Heidi comes out to the runway in some shiny, metallic, long bike shorts paired with a black blazer and for a moment I question her "taste level".

Irina's dress is incredible -- I love the print so much! And paired with that sweater? COME ON! Irina's sweaters are so dreamy. But then Irina gets bitchy, passive-aggressively calling Althea out for ripping off her knits. Oh Irina, why must your personality be so ugly?

Christopher's dress was completed, but needs to be edited. He's only safe because Gordana's is such crap and Logan's made me want to puke.

Winner: Althea. GOOD! Cuz it pissed Irina off. Hard. I love you, baby, but you need to be taken down a notch or 12.

Bye-bye: Logan. And now there's only one guy left, and I don't have confidence that Christopher will stick around.