30 November 2008

B&C Football Player of the Week

It takes a real man to accidentally shoot yourself. Donkey of the Week material right here.
Giants receiver Plaxico Burress has retained New York defense attorney Ben Brafman to represent him after the ninth-year veteran accidentally shot himself in the thigh Friday night at a Manhattan night club.

Giants general manager Jerry Reese said Sunday that he had yet to speak to Burress. "I reached out to him," Reese said. "I did not get a return phone call."

Burress, who was out Friday night with Giants linebacker Antonio Pierce, was treated overnight and released from a New York hospital on Saturday afternoon.

According to an NFL official, the bullet went through the skin and muscle tissue of Burress' right thigh and did not hit any major arteries, and that there were no broken bones.

NFL handgun policy prohibits players carrying weapons on NFL premises and NFL-related functions. It also prohibits any player having a gun without a proper permit or registration.

If Burress or Pierce are found to have broken the law, those offenses would subject them to penalties under the league's personal conduct policy.

27 November 2008

My Thanksgiving

It's official. I married a saint. Not only did Mike make the entire Thanksgiving dinner himself, he did it while I micro-managed and nagged from the couch. And it was really good.

Lucky for him, I was mostly distracted while he cooked - I video-chatted with the family in PA for over 2 1/2 hours. That was a lot of fun. While we were chatting, I got to witness The Apple Pie From Hell - Mary made it. It looked hella good, I'm sorry I missed it.

Here's the complete dinner, along with a close-up of the awesome Gratin of Cauliflower with Gruyere.

What better way to digest your food than by watching Top Chef? My cast felt tighter - I guess the food went straight to my legs.

And because Mike finds it hysterical, here is the picture he took of me all Valiumed up in the ER Tuesday night.

And this is what we call my "old lady stool" - for showering.


26 November 2008

I Am On Drugs

My knee got locked up last night. As in, just like 13 years ago, I was doing something totally random and in an instant was rendered a cripple. We went to the Emergency Room, and after a good drugging the doctor straightened it out. So now I'm in an immobilizer cast and on crutches. I can't see the orthopedic surgeon until Friday afternoon.

So Mike gets to cook Thanksgiving dinner, with me hobbling around trying to help. I don't know if I'm in the mood for turkey though - I'm rather liking my diet of Valium and Percocet.

So what's Mark Wahlberg's excuse? Was he all drugged up too? Public urination in broad daylight? Really?

That's hot.

25 November 2008


Freak of the Week: Man gets scratched up by a swarm of dive-bombing butterflies while in an office. So much so that he throws himself through the office window and dies. Not making that up.

Olivia's talking to her dead boyfriend again, this time through email. He leads her to a basement - where there are a bunch of toads in Rubbermaid bins. Not making that up either.

Somehow, due to the toads, Walter concludes that the dead guy was given a drug and hallucinated getting attacked to the point where the injuries manifested on his body.

Olivia tells Walter she's seeing the dead boyfriend again, and he says what she's really doing is accessing the dead boyfriend's memories from when they shared a brain. Time to go back in The Tank to try to clear out those repressed memories!

The memories lead them to the truth. Which is just more shadiness by the very shady company Massive Dynamic.

Walter's Food Obsession of the Week: Coffee yogurt. It's always something with this man.

Walter's Quirk of the Week: "Uh-oh. I just got an erection." OH WALTER I LOVE YOU ALWAYS!

Prison Break

The Big Bad arrives in the basement. In an elevator. Well, The Gang didn't need to do all that digging, did they? They could have just taken the freaking elevator!!! I'm sure they could've devised a system for breaking into an elevator that would have been easier - and less deadly. RIP Bellick.

The Gang gets what they want from the basement (I guess) and takes the Big Bad hostage while they try to think of a way out of the building. Because now it's all under heavily-guarded lockdown. Across town, Sara takes his daughter hostage, and tells him to let The Gang go or she dies. Sara ain't messin' around. She was totally badass holding a gun on that chick!!

After weeks of trying to be all secretive in T-Bag's office, Gretchen goes all Commando on the place, holding everyone at gun point. T-Bag's secretary, who's really an agent, busts up the party and nabs T-Bag.

The Gang gets out and gives the computer thingy to Michael Rapaport. Oh, so the show's over, yes? Mission accomplished?

After some "it's all over" celebrating, which is of course a sure sign that it's NOT over, Rapaport kills his partner in front of T-Bag. And the Papers of Freedom he gave to the Gang - blank! Sorry guys, it's not over yet.

24 November 2008

Heroes: Another Eclipse?

How often do freaking eclipses happen? I thought they were rare. But I guess so are superpowers, so I'll let it slide.

Arthur sends Gabriel and Elle on a mission to bring Claire back to Pinehearst. Angela sends Claire off with Bennet to hide. He takes the father-daughter time and spends it training her to fight. Or, more specifically, whacking wood around like a baseball bat.

Nathan and Peter fly to Haiti to get... well, The Haitian.

Mohinder is becoming even more of The Fly as the eclipse nears, and he thinks the eclipse will take away powers from the Heroes.

The eclipse does indeed take away their powers - Nathan and Peter fall out of the sky (and luckily into a body of water); Mohinder is all cocooned onto a wall and comes out healed up; Elle and Gabriel have no powers when they find Claire and Bennet; and Claire can't heal when she's shot by Elle.

Now that Mohinder's all healed, he decides to make a booty call, and looks up Maya's location. But Arthur needs him to stay and try to figure out what's going on with the power outages. Heh. Power outages.

Hiro and Ando end up in a comic book store run by Seth Green With A Beard and Breckin Meyer.

Daphne and Matt are in her hometown, where there is a lot of corn. And since her powers have been taken away, she's all crippled.

Sylar and Elle kiss, and Bennet has them in his freaking rocket launcher sights.

To Be Continued.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

David Silver finds out that his girlfriend came back from the future to get rid of Cameron. Because in the future, John is taking Cameron's counsel or something and killing good people.

The girlfriend is working with Riley, John's little girlfriend. I knew something was up with Riley when I saw her bedroom. What kind of teenage girl has posters of Yosemite and a bear catching a salmon on her wall? Honestly. Where were the My Chemical Romance and Twilight posters? Riley is a weirdo. And I guess she's from the future too.

The rest of the show was computer chip/AI nonsense. Shirley Manson Terminator's AI has a name - John Henry - and it may have killed the psychiatrist who was working with it. The AI has no morals. Well, duh. It's a computer.

But things got creepy at the end when they hooked up John Henry to the Bad Terminator - and now he talks and interprets what John Henry says. Creepy!

23 November 2008


I was afraid this was going to be like a TV Movie About Africa starring Kiefer Sutherland, and not like 24. But it was in real-time! And with loads of obvious product placement! Awesome! I really liked it, it worked as a self-contained movie.

The sound effect of the "24" coming up on the screen GIVES ME SHIVERS!!!! Oh how I missed it, it has been too long!!

Nice that even in Sengala, Jack has a Messenger Bag of Death. Because even if you're doing missionary work at a school, if your name is Jack Bauer, chances are you might need it.

Jack is served a subpoena - he's finally going to be held accountable for his years of torturing people and cutting off their heads, it seems.

There's a poorly timed coup coming in Sengala, due during the Inauguration of the first female President. The separatist group or whatever it is kidnaps some kids from the Jack Bauer Kickass School for Kicking Ass, in order to make them soldiers. BIG MISTAKE!

When they come to take the rest of the kids from the school, Jack goes into action. Good thing he's got some dynamite and a couple guns. Which of course are a match for a bunch of guys with machine guns and a freaking rocket launcher. For a while anyway, until they capture him. But you can't torture Jack to get the location of the kids, no you can't. Even if you burn his ear with a red-hot machete.

Jack snaps the leader's neck with his legs and escapes, with the help of his coworker/Special Ops buddy. They load up the kids and head for the Embassy. In the process, they are of course met with many obstacles - including Jack's buddy stepping on a landmine. Bye bye Jack's buddy. You should have known that being Jack's friend would mean you would eventually make the ultimate sacrifice.

They make it to the Embassy, but of course Jack has to turn himself in to the American government in order to save the children.

This movie also gave us the usual 24 villains, which are more like the usual 24 slimy douchebags. Soon-to-be-ex-President Noah Daniels - once a douchebag, always a douchebag. And the weasely United Nations guy down in Africa, who hides like a pussy, tries to run away, and then when he's captured he gives up the location of Jack and the kids.

Jon Voight was the Big Bad, who financed this coup I guess, or provided them with weapons. His details were sketchy, and I think he's carrying over into the new season, along with this female President, whom I really liked.

Apropos of nothing, I really fell in love with that one guy's place. The doomed druggie finance guy. He had the greatest steel gray walls and doors, brick walls, hardwood floors, cool furniture. I WANT IT!


21 November 2008

Child Named After Jungle Book Character

So this is my guilty pleasure celebrity couple, still. But this name? Oh Em Gee. That's just begging for the kid to get his ass kicked. Good thing his dad wears eyeliner.
Ashlee Simpson-Wentz and husband Pete Wentz welcomed a son Thursday night, PEOPLE confirms.

Bronx Mowgli Wentz weighed 7 lbs., 11 oz., and was 20 1/2 inches long.

"Ashlee, Pete and baby Bronx are all healthy and happy, and thank everyone for their well wishes!" a spokesperson tells PEOPLE.

20 November 2008

Bummer of the Effing Week

Boo. Pushing Daisies is the freaking feel-good television show of the millennium. I love it so much.

The only bright spot here is Fuller probably will return to Heroes. But still. I'd rather have Pushing Daisies on the air. That show is so damn lovable. RATS!

Quality television took a serious hit this evening with news that ABC has opted not to order additional episodes of Pushing Daisies, Eli Stone and Dirty Sexy Money for this season. The network isn't commenting, but multiple sources confirm that all three shows have "effectively been canceled."

The one bright spot: The ratings-challenged trio will complete production on their 13-episode orders. Of course, completing the episodes and actually airing them are two totally different things.

"It's all true," Daisies creator Bryan Fuller tells me. "I'm so very proud of this show and grateful for everyone's hard work in bringing it to life."


18 November 2008


Freak of the Week: Kidnapped kid. Weird, hypnotizing lights.

His kidnapper wants him to finish a piece of music that he has been obsessing over. This is some kind of key to something. The boy's "dead" mom makes an appearance to encourage him, and when he can't finish the piece, she starts dying again - like her face cuts open and bruises and bleeds everywhere and stuff. Crazy. Turns out it was all in the kid's head, as the kidnappers were working some crazy mind control stuff on the kid to get him to finish the piece.

Walter has to go back to the mental institution in order to get some information from a patient. I thought he was going to make out with him at one point. He was very cuddly afterward - definitely in need of a hug. I. Love. That. Man.

At least his trip back inside wasn't for nothing, as information he got from the guy led to finding the boy.

Walter's Quirk of the Week: Singing Christmas carols.

SHOUT OUT TO BOBBY Z!!! I saw your picture on that "previous victim" file folder, yo! Awesome!

Prison Break

Oh Sucre, your drill is soooo big.

That's literally all I typed during this episode. There was a botched attempt to get the card, more oops-T-Bag-almost-got-caught malarkey, and loads of drilling to get to... whatever it is they're trying to get. I still don't know!!!

Why am I watching? Mahone is awesome, it's something to watch, and Lincoln's tattooed arms. In that order, and all-inclusive.

17 November 2008


So somehow, when Arthur caught up to Hiro in Africa, he made Hiro think he's 10. And how is this different from adult Hiro? Ando tells him about his ability, and works with Hiro to access it.

Arthur tells Gabriel that he can take powers without killing, by accessing his empathy or something. He puts Gabriel in a room with Elle. She's a little pissed because he killed her father. Lucky for him, he can regenerate after she electrocutes his ass several times. Gabriel tells him it wasn't him fault - it was the hunger, and he's working to control it. She's pretty relentless, electrocuting him til she's exhausted and he's shirtless.

While discussing forgiveness, he takes her power without killing her. She still has her power too and they bond over experimenting with it. They're falling in looooove. How romantic, especially after he killed her father and everything. Oh well, it wasn't his fault. It was the hunger. I'd forgive his shirtless ass too.

Mohinder's experimenting on people, giving them powers. And they're turning into gross, weird scaly creatures. Hey Mohinder - you still have a little something on your neck yourself, buddy.

Matt finds Angela in her coma and decides to go on a trip inside her mind. He gets stabbed by Daphne in the dream state and bleeds in real life too. What is this, Nightmare on Elm Street? Add it to the list of things Heroes rips off. So there's all this weird dream activity and during it Daphne and Matt fall in love and Angela gets Arthur to release her from the coma. Don't ask me how, I can't explain any of this stuff.

They're setting up sides - and Claire's some kind of catalyst for the formula. That's as deep as I can get. I'm still distracted by Gabriel's shirtlessness.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

David Silver's girlfriend runs into a man from the future who works with the machines, and proceeds to tie him up and slap him around. He claims he's not who she thinks he is. He's just a simple watchmaker. Sure. That's what Sylar says too. David Silver works some really nice pulling-out-the-fingernails torture! WOOHOO! The guy caves.

David's girlfriend tells him that in the future he is held captive and tortured by this man. She ends up shooting the guy. David Silver can't remember being held at all. He's thinking that their actions in the present are changing the future and maybe he's from a future where it didn't happen and she's from one where it did. My eyes go crossed at that point.

Cameron and John drive to Mexico to properly dispose of the Bad Terminator's body. Surprise - he's not in his grave. It turns out FBI Guy has it, and has brought it in for Shirley Manson Terminator to take a gander at.

And Sarah's no good to anyone, all sick and having weird dreams about babies and tortoises and cacti and 3 spots. How did Sarah Connor become the most boring person on this show? That's supposed to be John.

16 November 2008

Timberlake Is The Man

Here's Justin Timberlake doing Saturday Night Live in 2 minutes. He really is hysterical, dammit.

Quantum of Solace: I Still Don't Know What That Means

What to say about Quantum of Solace?

It was good. But not anywhere near as good as Casino Royale. I totally got over my dislike of Daniel Craig in the first one. In this one, not so much. He really didn't appeal to me here. There was the requisite car chase, the requisite acrobatic stunts (though nowhere near as good as that opening sequence in Casino Royale), and the requisite sex. But like barely any sex and totally "what was the point of that?" sex.

Suits, cars, guns - all good things. But it just wasn't as fun as it should have been.

Justin Timberlake Is a Comedy God

And it wasn't just this - it was a "SNL in 60 seconds" thing he did too. I can't find that yet.

15 November 2008

B&C Skeleton of the Week

Wow, that Madonna sure is an ageless beauty. Look at those arms! That chest! That glowing reflective skin!

14 November 2008

Star Trek Trailer

Watch the Star Trek trailer quickly - before it's pulled from You Tube!

It looks really really really really good!

Top Chef

Top Chef is in New York City this season.

Does every contestant have sleeve tattoos? The cool chick and the Filipino do anyway. We also get an Indian chick, a couple Europeans, a couple bald dudes, a freakishly tall chick, and only 2 gay dudes. Too many people to keep track of in the beginning, as ever.

Quickfire Challenge: It's a food prep relay! I love those!!

1. Peel 15 apples with a paring knife. The one dude practically cuts his finger off it's bleeding so much. How did he qualify when there was blood all over those apples!? You couldn't effing serve them if you were peeling them for a restaurant!

2. Brunoise the apples (really really perfect dicing for the layman).

3. Make something with the apples.

Loser: Some chick that Mike totally predicted would go, based solely on her introductory piece. Hahaha!

Elimination Challenge: Dishes based on an assigned NYC neighborhood.

Winner: The German Swiss dude.

Bye-bye: The gay guy, which again Mike totally called early on.

Mike: The Top Chef Psychic.

13 November 2008

Oh Happy Day

The full trailer for Watchmen has been released. Loads of new stuff and some actual dialogue!!

The trailer for Star Trek comes out tomorrow.

11 November 2008


An FBI agent goes to the hospital, having suffered a heart attack. Naturally, this leads to the use of a bone saw and a rib spreader. I hate this show. But what's that wrapped around his heart? Some kind of parasite that looks like a Venus Fly Trap plant. I love this show.

A key witness they need is killed by the FBI. So what do they do? Hook his dead brain up to Pacey's brain and let them talk to each other. Of course! I LOVE THIS SHOW!

Plus there was an uber-creepy German dude who told them how to kill the parasite. Bonus.

I still want to weep with love for Walter when he repeatedly asks for gum or mints. WHY DOES THAT NEVER GET OLD!?

Prison Break

Back to digging. And tracking down the architect of the building. And passing out from tumors. Worst. Collapse. Ever.

Bellick was not a nice guy, OK Sucre? I know the writers want you to feel bad for him, but all I can remember is how he set Tweener up to be raped in the first season. And killed a cat. He was a bastard. Jesus, even T-Bag gets teary thinking about him!

I don't care about this architect, nor his wife, who for some reason helps Mahone by giving him a key for the map. I don't care that T-Bag's secretary has been working for Homeland Security all along. I don't even care that Michael has a tumor and needs immediate surgery.

I. Don't. Care. Period.

News Flash: Old Sperm Makes Cute Kids

So this kid is cute, right? Like hot enough to be the next Ron Weasley?

Well, guess who - it's Cannon King, Larry King's son. Oh barf! How did he make such a cute kid?

10 November 2008

Heroes: A Look Back, or How To Retcon

Another look back in time, courtesy of Hiro's African drug-induced spirit walk.

One year ago...

Arthur Petrelli was Father of the Year, telling Linderman he'll kill Nathan if he has to. He's the one who ordered that Nathan's car be run off the road. Going back in time sucks because they have to use the Emo Wig for Peter. Peter's real Emo Hair was soooo much better.

Angela poisons Arthur, setting him up for his coma and faux-heart-attack. Those Petrelli parents sure are great.

Meredith was working with Flint (they're brother and sister), robbing stores. Eric Roberts is back (woot!) and captures Meredith to make her an agent. But they've also imprisoned her brother, so Meredith springs him and they flee The Company.

Gabriel was in his watch shop making himself a noose to hang himself. WTF!? He is saved by Elle, who was sent to meet him by Bennet. So The Company knows about Sylar but just lets it happen. Something about needing to see how he kills "in the wild."

Gabriel and Elle start falling for each other, and he's thinking maybe he can control his burning need to be special, like a recovering addict. Until she brings over a dude with powers for him to kill. That's just too tempting for Gabriel/Sylar, who kills the dude's emo ass, while Elle and Bennet watch from the van outside.

Back to Present Day...

African dude was beheaded!!!!!!!! Gross. By Arthur, who shows up and attacks Hiro.

I didn't like all the looks back at Season 1, because it only made me long for the beauty of Season 1 even more.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

This episode had a cool way of telling the story through each character's perspective. Scenes would overlap and then go in different directions following one of the characters when they split off.

John's off gallivanting with his gf Riley, taking a bus down to Mexico. And now I want Mexican food. They get thrown in prison for a bar fight, and then proceed to break out. Rather than wait for David Silver to come get them.

Terminator dude arrives at the Connor house and drags Sarah around, kidnapping her. When we see Sarah's perspective of events, it's just her in the trunk of the car while there's all kinds of shootouts and chases going on outside. Turns out all that is taking place at the prison, where the Terminator has come to find John, and so has Agent Ellison.

The good guys corner the Terminator in a church and shoot him the eff up. They bury the body and destroy his brain chip thing. Or, more precisely, Sarah goes medieval on the chip's ass.

Mmmmm... Spock

09 November 2008

I Hate Phil Simms

If he mispronounces one more word I am going to throw my television out of the window.

And how funny was it early in the game when he told a story and Jim Nantz told the same story one second later? BOTCHED LISTENING! Even Nantzy can't listen to him speak.

08 November 2008

RW/RR: The Island: The Reunion

Reunions are great because the girls look even more whorish than usual. Christ, Ev, you have NEVER done your hair like that EVER, why start now? She looks hot though. It's amazing what volume, probably some extensions, and some makeup can do.

Jenn's eyebrows are so horrible. They are perfect half-circles. That's WRONG.

Paula's still butthurt about not being picked for the guys' boat. She's like hiccup-crying over it. Still.

Kellyanne cracks me up with that "gangsta" pose she adopts as she yells. She's psychotic. And now she's dating Wes? Jesus, Wes gets way more high-quality ass than he deserves.

It was the usual reunion with the usual yelling about the usual faux-drama.

07 November 2008

Today's Theme: Elizabeth Banks Comedies

Happily, I can highly recommend the two movies I saw today.

Zack & Miri Make a Porno is a pretty typical Kevin Smith film. Vulgar, hysterical. Then it gets a little weird when things get "serious". Whenever that part comes up I'm always like, "OK, come on, back to the balls please." And luckily, he always goes back to the balls. I also oddly loved the production values in the movie - it really made you feel like you were poor and in Pittsburgh in the middle of winter. Not glamorous in the least.

There were a couple "shocking" moments, though honestly I didn't find them too shocking, I just found them funny. Surprise, right?

Even though the "serious" maybe-they're-falling-in-love bits are a little cringe-worthy, the movie is funny enough to make them worth it.

I'm so glad Role Models was funny. I remember first seeing the trailer and fearing it was going to be a warm-hearted, feel-good film. And I was like, What are Stifler and Paul Rudd doing in this movie? Then I found out it was Rated R. Oh thank god!

It's still cute, but not at all cutesy. Bobb'e J. Thompson is a god among child actors, truly. He's funny and curses up a storm and I just want to smack and then hug that kid. And I love Paul Rudd and Seann William Scott in anything they do - they were great here.

06 November 2008

B&C Hot Chick of the Week

I have no updates.

So have some Scarlett Johnansson, because she's hot. Ogle the ring. Covet the shoes. She looks like perfection in this picture!!

03 November 2008

Prison Break

The Gang has the Big Black Assassin and Linc's beating the crap out of him. With Mahone semi-patiently waiting for his turn.

The Gang heads to the office building to find whatever it is they're trying to find in the basement. They start digging. Oh, not digging again. Good lord, every season there's digging. "Can you dig it?" That makes me miss C-Note.

Once they get what they need from the Assassin, Mahone gets him. And he brings a defibrillator with him. The Assassin killed his son and the Assassin is GONNA GET IT!!!!! He doesn't disappoint - there are needles placed through fingertips, loads of whispered threats, electric shocks, and agonizing pain. I LOVE IT!

Mahone makes the Assassin apologize to his wife. Nice touch. Then he handcuffs the Assassin to a cinder block and tosses him into the ocean. NICE!

Gretchen shows up to the Bald Bad Guy's office and I'm like, "He's her father, isn't he?" No, because they start kissing. Gross.

Quote of the Night: "We're goin' together, like traffic and weather." - T-Bag

R.I.P.: Bellick. He sacrificed himself so that the boys could successfully tunnel through a water pipe. Aw, poor Brad. He was a slimy bastard, but was more sympathetic lately. Which only meant he was marked for death. But on this show? You never know.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

The Connors got their stuff stolen. Really - that was the plot.

John was grocery shopping, the Terminator Dude was hunting them down, and Sarah and David Silver were looking for their stolen stuff. Really.

Need. More. Guns. Cameron killed a couple dudes, but still. MORE!