JACK IS BACK AT LAST!

I was afraid this was going to be like a TV Movie About Africa starring Kiefer Sutherland, and not like 24. But it was in real-time! And with loads of obvious product placement! Awesome! I really liked it, it worked as a self-contained movie.

The sound effect of the "24" coming up on the screen GIVES ME SHIVERS!!!! Oh how I missed it, it has been too long!!

Nice that even in Sengala, Jack has a Messenger Bag of Death. Because even if you're doing missionary work at a school, if your name is Jack Bauer, chances are you might need it.

Jack is served a subpoena - he's finally going to be held accountable for his years of torturing people and cutting off their heads, it seems.

There's a poorly timed coup coming in Sengala, due during the Inauguration of the first female President. The separatist group or whatever it is kidnaps some kids from the Jack Bauer Kickass School for Kicking Ass, in order to make them soldiers. BIG MISTAKE!

When they come to take the rest of the kids from the school, Jack goes into action. Good thing he's got some dynamite and a couple guns. Which of course are a match for a bunch of guys with machine guns and a freaking rocket launcher. For a while anyway, until they capture him. But you can't torture Jack to get the location of the kids, no you can't. Even if you burn his ear with a red-hot machete.

Jack snaps the leader's neck with his legs and escapes, with the help of his coworker/Special Ops buddy. They load up the kids and head for the Embassy. In the process, they are of course met with many obstacles - including Jack's buddy stepping on a landmine. Bye bye Jack's buddy. You should have known that being Jack's friend would mean you would eventually make the ultimate sacrifice.

They make it to the Embassy, but of course Jack has to turn himself in to the American government in order to save the children.

This movie also gave us the usual 24 villains, which are more like the usual 24 slimy douchebags. Soon-to-be-ex-President Noah Daniels - once a douchebag, always a douchebag. And the weasely United Nations guy down in Africa, who hides like a pussy, tries to run away, and then when he's captured he gives up the location of Jack and the kids.

Jon Voight was the Big Bad, who financed this coup I guess, or provided them with weapons. His details were sketchy, and I think he's carrying over into the new season, along with this female President, whom I really liked.

Apropos of nothing, I really fell in love with that one guy's place. The doomed druggie finance guy. He had the greatest steel gray walls and doors, brick walls, hardwood floors, cool furniture. I WANT IT!

BRING ON JANUARY 11TH AND BRING ON TONY ALMEIDA!!!