30 September 2008

Fringe: I'm Hella Famous

My last name and maiden name were featured on Fringe tonight! My old pal Bobby Z works for the show and shoehorned my names into a construction sign. SWEET! (I'm simple - that kind of stuff makes me happy. Watch me as I try to screencap it off Hulu tomorrow.)

So there's a creepy no-hair Alopecia dude who eats super-hot food, writes in symbols, and hangs out near construction sites that blow up. An odd metallic cylinder is found at the blast site, and an assassin is on the hunt for it while the team investigates it.

Mr. Alopecia is all over a ton of Pattern-related crime scene photos, but no one can identify him. They call him "The Observer".

The assassin dude kidnaps Pacey to try to get the location of the cylinder. Of course he can't just ask, he has to use fancy, pseudo-scientific means of forcing the thoughts from his mind. And later The Observer pulls thoughts out of Pacey's head too. Creepy! Walter says that The Observer saved him and Pacey from an icy car wreck years ago, and that they're psychically linked.

At the end Olivia's dead partner shows up in her apartment!

All ends well, mysteries aren't solved, and yet I still love this show. AND WALTER IS STILL ADORABLE!!! Yay!

Prison Break

The Gang's at the race track, acting all Cut-Rate Ocean's Eleven. Ocean's Six? It's a typically-convoluted way to get one of the cardholders into a room that has the data-copier-thingy.

Mahone gets caught and arrested when he punches a cop at the track. Not even Michael Rapaport can get him out of jail; he just gets the data-copier-thingy from him and abandons him. No sympathy for Mahone - the gang moves ahead on the plan without him.

Gretchen, who escaped her torture last week, visits her sister in California. She picks up a gun and some cash that she had stored there. VENGEANCE! I, unfortunately, do not have such a stash at my sister's house. And also Gretchen stashed her kid there, for her sister to raise. Lucky for the kid.

The Gang has a conscience, as ever, and they go to the court house to rescue Mahone from his arraignment. The assassin dude shows up to the court house and he and Mahone have a Stare-Off. In my opinion, Mahone wins. Mahone always wins.

How do you break someone out of a court house? Duh - stage a blackout.

I'm really hoping that by the end of the season Mahone has his vengeance and kicks the assassin's ass around a bit. That's the most interesting plot line of the show for me now.

Next week: They actually go for the full Ocean's Eleven rip-off - in Vegas. With Sucre used as bait for a gay dude. Awesome!

Greatest Baseball Player Ever

Listen to this and tell me that George Brett isn't the finest storyteller of our time. Hey George, cool story!

Warning: F-bombs, S-bombs, this video has it all. PLUS LAUGHS! What does a double-tapered shit look like, anyway?

29 September 2008


So is Sylar really a Petrelli? Was Angela speaking literally when she said she was his mother? Apparently yes. Petrelli Boys = hottest brothers ever. Angela = craziest mother ever. She brings a chick in who has the power to see the history of any object she touches. AND SHE FEEDS HER TO SYLAR!!!

Tracy is dealing with her ability to freeze things, and asks Nathan about Niki. She heads to New Orleans to try to find her. Ends up at Niki's funeral, and is a little freaked out by how much they look alike.

She runs into Micah and he's freaked out too (poor Micah!), and asks if Tracy is special too. He uses his power to talk to the interwebz and finds out Tracy and Niki were born on the same day in the same hospital. She goes to the Doctor's house and he says that he created her. What are these? Ali Larter clones?

Bennet comes back to The Company to help find the escapees, but he needs a partner. So Angela assigns him SYLAR. YAYYYYY! Sylar works a suit and acts like a grown-up, instead of a crazy serial killer.

The Escaped Villians hold up a bank to draw out The Company. The German dies when Knox reaches his hand right through his body. Damn, cuz I liked The German. Sylar and Bennet are a Badass Cop Duo!!! Actually, Sylar's the badass, showing up to the bank and taking charge of the situation like an old pro. I laughed my ass off with giddy glee during that scene, especially when he told the cop to get him coffee.

Bennet goes into the bank to talk to Knox. Peter figures out that he has Jesse's power, which is like a powerful soundwave that knocks people on their ass. Future!Peter comes to the bank, frees Peter from Jesse's body, and teleports them away.

Sylar comes in and saves the day, and they capture the escapees, except Knox gets away. And Sylar kills Jesse, saying he can't stop it cuz he's got the "hunger".

Is Daphne crosseyed? Daphne looks crosseyed. She, Hiro, and Ando are looking for the other half of the formula and run into The Haitian, who is making an exchange for the formula.

Claire wants to take full advantage of her superpowers and go off to save the world and fight villains. She asks her bio mom for help. Her idea of help is to torture Claire until she works through her trauma and admits that she wants to learn how to fight to get revenge on Sylar.

The Haitian catches Hiro and Ando, who end up in a Company cell. Sylar is given the old Company pajamas and put back into holding as well. Sounds like he's going to be given another chance, but Bennet claims he's just biding his time until he can kill Sylar himself. Boo.

Next week: Future!Peter takes Peter to the future. Where Sylar has a dog that looks like Mr. Muggles, a kid, and is cooking dinner!!!!!! I can't wait for that!

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

So is this show gonna get canceled? That would suck. I love it. And Brian Austin Green needs the work.

The hugely pregnant chick next door needs to go to the hospital so Sarah takes her. Is Sarah going to just sit in a hospital room all episode instead of kicking ass!? (The answer is yes.)

Cameron has flashbacks while she grocery shops. They send the Terminator grocery shopping!? (The answer is yes.) She suddenly doesn't know who she is, gets arrested, hangs out with a street kid, and flashbacks some more.

This show has suddenly gotten too domestic. AND WHERE IS DAVID SILVER!?

Thank goodness for the flashbacks (I guess fast-forwards actually), which show Cameron as "Allison", some kind of prisoner. Turns out Cameron was modeled after Allison, who was a buddy of John Connor, to infiltrate the Resistance. But brave Allison doesn't cooperate and is killed by Cameron.

I find your lack of Brian Austin Green disturbing. And no, I never thought I would ever type those words, ever. No BAG, no guns. What the hell show is this!?

28 September 2008

Heather Locklear Is Pretty

Heather Locklear was arrested on suspicion of driving under the influence Saturday evening in Santa Barbara County, CA.

"Around 4:30 p.m., a female witness saw Heather Locklear driving erratically while leaving a parking lot in Montecito," California Highway Patrol spokesman Tom Marshall tells PEOPLE. "The witness said Locklear was revving her engine loudly, and backed over a pair of sunglasses several times."

Soon after, the witness – who apparently didn't recognize the actress – spotted Locklear, 47, stopped on a nearby highway, exiting her vehicle.

"Alcohol was ruled out as a factor, but based on the officer's observations, we believed Locklear was under the influence of prescription medication," Marshall added.

Just two months ago, Locklear left an Arizona treatment facility after battling anxiety and depression.

Hey I have depression too but you don't see me taking it out on an innocent pair of sunglasses!

Just Married

Scarlett Johansson and Ryan Reynolds made it official with a quiet wedding this weekend, a source close to the couple tells PEOPLE.

This is the first marriage for both. The couple had announced their engagement in May.

Johansson, 23, began dating Reynolds, 31, last year shortly after his split from singer Alanis Morissette.

Congratulations, Kim Scarlett and Ryan!

27 September 2008

Paul Newman Died

Have some dressing and pasta sauce in his honor!! (I actually do have both in my fridge at the moment.)
Paul Newman has died of cancer at his home in Westport, Connecticut. He was 83.

Clip of the Week

Goddamn, this clip from The Soup made me laugh til I cried.

26 September 2008

RW/RR: The Island

They're fighting over food. Yay! This new way of doing a Challenge is brilliant! They're hungry and paranoid, which is even better than drunk and paranoid.

Who hasn't Robin banged?

Face Off: Rachel, KellyAnne, and Robin. It's a lame endurance challenge. This is Big Brother territory.

Winner: KellyAnne.

Bye-bye: Rachel.

Colie's on this show? Since when? There are far too many people here, I can't keep track of them yet unless they're causing drama.

25 September 2008

Happy Anniversary To Me

Ten years of marriage is a feat these days. Ten years of wedded bliss is a miracle!

24 September 2008

Project Runway: I Love Korto AND Korto's Ass

There was some model stealing this week. Always a little bit of drama there. Not enough for my tastes.

Challenge: Designing for each other. That never goes well, for a number of reasons. Then they have to be inspired by a musical genre. Now that's just over-complicating things.

Suede gets Jerell, rock and roll.
Kenley gets Leanne, hip-hop. They are BOTH the opposite of hip-hop.
Korto gets Suede, punk.
Jerell gets Kenley, pop. I get excited about seeing Kenley sexed-up.
Leanne gets Korto, country.

Because I am so obsessed with Kenley physically, I have been overlooking the girl's flaws. Namely, that whiny ass voice and her ATTITUDE! Both on full display tonight, simultaneously, with Tim Gunn. Step off Tim, bitch! Whenever she talks, I cringe and just beg her to shut up so I can keep loving her.

Really, Kenley? You don't think the judges will notice bunching in the crotch? Riiiight. The "hip-hop" outfit is ridiculous! And she has SO MUCH confidence in it!

Guest Judge: LL Cool J. This does not bode well for that "hip-hop" design.

I love to see the designers all made-up. They look crazy, and great. Kenley looks hot as slutty balls. Leanne's country mess was a hot mess, or maybe it was just that it looked so inappropriate on Korto. The vest Suede made looks like he puked it on Jerell's chest. Actually, that would have been hotter. Emo Punk Suede is AWESOME!!!

Burn of the Week: "[It looks] like a woman going out to eat ribs." - Michael Kors, about the country outfit.

Winner: Korto. She is awesome.

Bye-bye: Suede!


23 September 2008

Fringe: Walter, I Love You

While I was killing time waiting for Fringe's commercials to build up, I watched 15 minutes of The Mentalist over on CBS. Holy crap is that show CRAP! I love me some Simon Baker, but damn it was so boring and hokey and lame. At least I confirmed I'm not missing anything.

As for Fringe, I love this show, but I hate how they write up the locations on the screen. With those big, floating 3-D letters or whatever you call them. They irk me. They are irksome.

Pacey's dad is making his own medication in the lab. LOL. He's my hero. I do soooo love him - he's so cute and funny. Still! It hasn't gotten old! (I hope I say that every week.)

This week, a guy has a vision of a gas attack on a bus before it happens. Turns out he's seen lots of disasters before they happen, and painted them all like he's Isaac Freaking Mendez. The onset of this ability can be traced to The Pattern.

Pacey's dad wants to experiment on the guy to determine if he's psychic. "Am I required to keep him alive?" he asks. LOL! I LOVE HIM! I should learn his name... Walter. Walter it is. But his son is still Pacey.

He ends up determining the guy is unconsciously overhearing some kind of secret frequency, and performs weird-equipment-assisted brain surgery on him. There is much skull drilling. Ugh. "You may also experience an involuntary bowel movement." LOL again, Walter!

So they intercept the transmissions he's picking up - phone calls between some kind of group planning bad things. That's as specific as that gets.

This show is hella fun. I love it. And I love you, Walter!!

Prison Break

The Gang has identified one of the Bad Guys as someone who works with Michael Rapaport. So they give him the techno-gadget thingy so that he can hopefully download his data card thingy. The data card is in the guy's safe. So it's Blueprint Time! The Gang has to break into the building, into the safe... you know the deal by now. They succeed. Of course.

Mahone meets up with his wife. Did he make her grieving ass fly out there? Inconsiderate. She identifies their son's killer for him so that he can enact his VENGEANCE! She brings him a gun. Best. Wife. Ever. Mahone is simply The Man.

The black assassin guy chases Dr. Sara, but she gets away. He goes back to questioning Gretchen. By which I mean enacting some kind of smell-torture on her. Later, Gretchen totally overpowers a guard and escapes because she is One Tough Bitch.

Bellick and Sucre go to T-Bag's office, asking if anyone has seen him. His big-boobed secretary covers for him, saying she's never seen him before. Of course her nosy ass asks T-Bag what's up, and blackmails him for cash so she'll keep her mouth shut.

And again with the nosebleeds, Michael!!

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

Sarah's ex's wife (I just call her Penny from Lost) gets kidnapped by the Bad Terminator. So Sarah and David Silver set off to help find her. David Silver wields a big-ass gun. When they do, she's on a chair that's rigged to explode if it's moved. Only it was a fake bomb. To distract them all so the Terminator can find John. Who has run off to go shopping with his GF Riley - without Cameron. Oopsie. But all is well for him, as he of course outsmarts the Terminator and escapes him.

Unfortunately for Charlie, in all of the ensuing explosions, etc., his wife bleeds out in his arms. Dagger.

Also, the liquidy Shirley Manson Terminator talks to the FBI Guy. (At some point I'll pay attention to actual names. Maybe.) She wants his help to find the Bad Terminator.

I liked this episode because I love that guy who plays Charlie and I felt so sad for him. And also David Silver had tattoos and guns.

B&C Duh of the Week

Congratulations, Clay Aiken!!!!!!!

22 September 2008

Heroes Episode Two: The Butterfly Effect

Claire is recovering from Sylar's attack - and now she doesn't feel any pain when she's injured. She's freaked out by that, says she doesn't feel human anymore. So she wants to let herself get hit by a train. Peter teleports in and pulls her off the track. Some blabbing about how Sylar wasn't supposed to take her power.

Maya comes over to Mohinder's lab where he's busy hanging from the ceiling, going power-crazy and acting a bit like Spider-Man. He's all hopped-up on powers -- and horny, screwing Maya six ways to Sunday in his lab. I don't like Maya. But I don't mind a sweaty, shirtless Mohinder making out with someone. It's still hot hot hot. Sorry. When he wakes up, it's like a bad hangover, except that his skin on his shoulder is coming off like The Fly or something. That's what happens when you experiment on yourself, jackass!!!

Matt is in the African desert and is rescued by a dude. A funny dude, whom I like very much. Now they're "spirit walking" and the guy knows Matt's name. He's a future painter, like Isaac. But in Africa.

Sylar is stalking through a neighborhood, beating up the Company agents sent to capture him. He also finds his way to the Company facility and kills Bob. Elle finds her Dad's body and is PISSED. Poor Elle. She tosses Bennet a gun and asks for his help. He shoots Sylar a million times, but of course that doesn't much matter. "Ouch" he says. LOL. He tries to kill Elle but she gives off a huge electrical field in defense.

Villains start escaping Level 5 as Elle comes to. I guess Sylar was weakened enough to capture because he's strapped to a table, held by Angela in the Company facility. She sends Elle away, saying they don't need her anymore now that Daddy's dead. Angela is a deliciously cold-hearted bitch! Angela enters Sylar's cell -- and tells Sylar she's his mother. Gabriel Petrelli y'all!

Hiro tracks down Daphne, taking Ando with him. Plants a tracking device on her, and the hunt begins.

The Governor, at the urging of Tracy, appoints Nathan to an empty Senate office. Nathan's all confused about who Tracy really is, thinking she's Niki (like we all do). He wants Tracy on his staff. The Greatest American Hero (really) is a reporter blackmailing Tracy, claiming to have evidence she worked in internet porn and banged Nathan (as Niki). Could I use more parentheses? (Yes.) She flips out and turns the man to ice and he shatters into little bits. Greatest American Hero no more.

Peter reveals to Nathan that he's from the future, that he's the one who shot him. Then he teleports away to Level 5. He wanted to get Peter (who is hidden in that bald guy's body), but of course he has escaped. With Marlo from The Wire. Sweet!

Nathan keeps having conversations with Linderman, who I guessed was a figment of his imagination - right before it was revealed. Cool.

Bennet comes back home, having escaped himself I guess. He goes over the list of escapees with Claire. To let the audience know how badass they are. We're in trouble. Bennet has to stop them. Sweet! He brings Claire's real, Fire!Mommy to take care of the family while he's gone.

The previews for the season looked great. I am just eating this show up. It's back to being interesting, I like just about everyone again. It's all sunshine and roses in Heroes town!

Heroes Episode One: The Second Coming

My favorite show is BAAAAAAAACK! And lo, it was awesome.

We start 4 years in the future. Future!Scarface!Peter is confronted by Badass!Ponytail!Claire and she tries to shoot him, but he freezes time and teleports away. In the future, the heroes are experimented on and put into camps. Turns out this Peter is the one who shot Nathan (in order to stop him from revealing they have powers).

Nathan dies in the hospital, but then shoots up out of bed, alive. He gets all "I saw God and I'm here to do His bidding and God says we're all connected. Save ourselves, save the world." Linderman healed him and is in his hospital room. Not yet sure how Linderman survived that hand through his brain from the first season though.

Hiro and Ando are back to their old fun, hysterical selves. Hiro's dad has left a DVD message telling him that there is something important in the safe in his office, and to never open the safe. Of course he opens the safe. A second message is all, "I told you not to open the safe, ass." Within the safe is half of a secret formula - a formula the world depends on. Daphne, the new Super Speed chick, darts in and grabs it.

Hiro travels to the future to find out how the world is going to be destroyed. There are air raid sirens and he sees his future self confronting Ando over the formula. Ando has electric powers and knocks him out. The world starts to explode. Then Hiro is back to the present, on a mission to find the formula and prevent that nasty future.

Future!Peter is masquerading as Present!Peter and he makes Matt disappear off to a desert when he catches him. Mama Angela, who from that clip show looks to become The Biggest Badass Ever Made, confronts Peter, knowing it's really Future!Peter in disguise. She asks what he's done with Peter. She has premonition dreams - that's her power. Turns out real, Present!Peter is on The Company's Level 5, in containment, disguised as a Mr. Clean-looking dude, yelling and saying he's Peter Petrelli. Bennet is down the hall in containment as well and hears this.

Mohinder arrives home to Maya, having sent little Molly off on a plane somewhere. He says he's going back to India, she freaks out and the black tears start and subside. This somehow leads Mohinder to determine that abilities are produced from adrenaline. And then - in his apartment mind you - he manufactures a serum - whilst simultaneously having awkward, forced "sexual tension" with Maya - that can give powers to anyone. And everyone's powers will be different. Okaaaay. Mohinder injects himself with the power serum, passes out, is mugged by some ruffians, and then suddenly has super-strength and crazy agility and scares the dudes away. He's got powers, y'all! And powers turn him on.

Bruce Boxleitner, who I have had a crush on since childhood by the way, makes an appearance as "the Governor." "Niki" is with him, in her underwear (natch), but he calls her Tracy. "Jessica" had better hair.

I leave Sylar's part for last because I heart him most. He goes to Claire's house and is STALKY and EVIL and DELICIOUS. There is evil, sexy monologuing and horror-movie-style direction. She ends up stabbing him in the chest and he TKs her to the wall and cuts off the top of her head. TOTALLY AWESOME scene with him poking through her brain while she's still alive. She asks, "Are you gonna eat it?" LOL. And dirty. "Claire, that's disgusting." LOL! He finds the power in her brain, changes himself, and now Sylar's indestructible, y'all! He graciously gives her back the top of her head and she regenerates. He tells her she's not like the others and he couldn't kill her even if he wanted to. "You can never die... and now I guess neither can I." SQUEE!!

I thought the premiere was great, pseudoscience and all. I just go with it and enjoy the ride! The show is fun again!

I Still Hate Kate Walsh

I just do. Get off of my TV screen please.


Am I the only one watching Heroes tonight? I think I might be. But I can't wait!!

T-minus two hours and counting... 3 hours worth of clips/episode I've already seen/new episode and plenty of squeeing!

Prison Break and Terminator will have to wait until tomorrow....

18 September 2008

RW/RR: The Island

Who is this Dave douchebag and why does he think playing college lacrosse qualifies him to rough it?

Who is this Kelly Anne and why is she such a raging bitch?

Derrick made fun of how Dan is when he's drunk. Pot calling the kettle black much? Dan is the new Derrick and bless him for it.

Abram gets attacked by wasps. Woah. He can take it though. If anything, he likes it.

I was rooting for Dave to drown when he was drunkenly swimming. And then he quits the game in his drunkenness. He said something about wanting to eat pizza, Ranch dressing, and Mountain Dew? TJ gives him a hard time, of course. TJ hates quitters!! And someone always has to quit every Challenge.

Face Off: Johnny, Derrick, and Abram all volunteer for it. Derrick wins.

Voted Off: Abram asks everyone to vote him off because he has to leave for business reasons. Then why did he come onto the show in the first place? Oh, nevermind, I guess because he didn't know he wouldn't have phone and internet access. (But almost half of the people vote to kick off Johnny, haha, poor Johnny Bananas.)

Since Abram has a key and he's leaving, he has to bequeath his key. He gives it to some douche named Dunbar. Who is this mysterious Dunbar? Why do all the people I know keep leaving?

17 September 2008

Project Runway

Challenge: Design for college graduates to transition them to the workplace. God, designing for real women never works because even if they're thin, they're fat. And ugly. And awkward. I hate real people.

And the mothers are involved in the challenge too, as pretty much a second client.

Jerell was TOO MUCH this episode! "Flirty, sexy, and awkward - like her. And me!" Kenley too. She loves her girl - because her girl loves her and thinks she's cute. And she's a bitch about Tim's advice again. Sorry, still have to love her! Because she's cute. And I love a girl that talks about other people behind their backs and laughs in their faces!

Joe made a suit for an old Wall Street power broker in 1982. Suede made a nice dress and slapped an ugly-ass jacket on it with horrible stripes on the pockets and flared sleeves. Christ!

Leanne, Jarell, Kenley, and Korto were all really good and appropriate. I think Korto's was the best.

Winner: Jarell.

Bye-bye: Joe. NOOOOOOOOO! Dammit, I love Joe but he is SO hit-or-miss. When he misses, he misses hard.

BBX Finale

The general consensus of the Jury House is: Dan did the dirty work, Memphis sat back and let him do the dirty work. So which is worse?

The interrogation/speeches contained the usual sniping and BS.

I love how Renny came out and took 15 years to walk down the runway and had to shake everyone's hands. Of course she also had to have the longest, most rambling speech. It made sense though.

The combination of Memphis's faux-hawk and half-unbuttoned shirt makes me want to vomit.

Poor Jerry because they just show a clip of his most embarrassing behavior. I can only imagine that when you're in the heat of the game you yell and scream and curse. And then afterwards when you see it out of context you must feel like an idiot.

I call shenanigans on the One Week Only America's Player thing because it's something the producers can so easily manipulate. So they had Dan vote the way they wanted to stir stuff up. Hmmmm. It's pretty suspect that it only lasted one week.

Winner of Big Brother 10: Dan by unanimous decision. Not surprising.

America's Favorite: Keesha. WTH? Really? Ugh. Jerry was second place.

Big Brother sucks -- forever!!!

16 September 2008

Fringe Gets My Seal of Approval

I am really enjoying Fringe!!! This show kicks ass and is right up my street. Does it rip off The X-Files? I don't know, maybe. But it's good, so that's all I care about.

I finally saw the premiere Sunday night - there was a horrific DVR accident that made me miss it last Tuesday. So far it seems really good - a weird occurrence each week which is linked to all the others ("The Pattern"). Some cool fringe science and a quirky, crazy (in an adorable, funny way so far) fringe scientist. Pacey from Dawson's Creek, who still looks 15, even with the scruff, and whom I will continue to call Pacey.

This week's opening: this chick bangs a dude and, in the time it takes to get to the hospital, delivers a baby. So gross and scary. The baby grew and lived a whole life in 4 hours. Died as an old man with the umbilical cord still attached. SO COOL!

There's already been lots of cool stuff in this show. I like it. There was a kind of mind meld to communicate with a man in a coma. And they were able to see the final thing that a dead woman saw by getting the image off of her retina. I just go with it and accept it. It's fun that way.

Anyway, this show is definitely worth checking out, if you haven't already.

15 September 2008

Prison Break

What's going on in this show? Oh right, cards. A hunt for data cards.

The guys are sitting around outside and totally see T-Bag and there's this great moment of W...T...F...? as he and Lincoln make eye contact. And then T-Bag takes off running. High comedy. They catch up to him, but he's hidden the bird book they're after and he gets away when police are eyeing them funny.

T-Bag shows up to the job he's been given (he being the identity he has assumed, the identity that was meant for Whistler). He's supposed to be some amazing salesman for the company. Good thing all that backwoods-pedophilic-murdering gave T-Bag the skills to blend in and improvise. *rolls eyes*

There's a lot of MacGyver-ing that goes on, allowing the boys to infiltrate a police fundraiser in order to get one of the data cards. They get it. And shiv a Company guy along the way, for nostalgia's sake.

Michael keeps getting nosebleeds that I keep forgetting about. Must be a tumor.

Terminator: John is Badass Now

John has a haircut now so he has completely gone hardcore, y'all. And there's this chick named Riley interested in him - he must be exuding badass at school too. You have the scent of murder on you, you get chicks. It's simple math.

The Connor Clan gets a visitor from the future who says "Stop Greenway" before he dies on their living room floor. Greenway turns out to be an employee of a power plant that's going to undergo a test in two days. A power plant which Sarah and Cameron easily get temp jobs at and infiltrate. Uh-huh. They even hang out with their new co-workers at the power plant hangout bar. Mmm-hmmm.

The big dilemma of the episode involves 1) to shut down or not shut down the power plant and 2) should John be able to lead a normal life and hang out with girls.

Greenway gets replaced with a robot, and he tries to sabotage the plant. There is much Terminator-to-Terminator hand-to-hand combat. He is finally defeated. Also - Sarah totally gets exposed to radiation, so maybe that's how she gets cancer.

So look, the plots on this show are still kinda weak, but as long as Brian Austin Green is walking around with his scruffy hotness sneaking into places and being a general badass, you won't see me complaining.

BBX Cliptacular

A clip show about Big Brother 10 is somehow less exciting than a regular episode of Big Brother 10. But they have to give us a clip show, because at this point it's just these 2 douchebags lying around the house, probably just sleeping the whole time because there's no game play left.

Our Featured "Highlights":

The Womanizer Argument. The Judas Argument. (Jerry did a lot of arguing.) The Renny and Jessie Fight.

Everyone ganging up on Jerry at the beginning to get Brian backdoored. That made me laugh because that's the last time they all were united on anything. It was about Day 3 I think.

The Not-Funny-At-All Semi-Racist Puppet Show.

April and Ollie. *sigh* It's real, people. Real! How long do we give it - six months? Two?

Renny's impressions. Now those were actually funny and I don't remember seeing them before. Renny rules.

The Greatest Birthday Celebration in the History of Birthday Celebrations. That was probably my favorite moment of the whole season and made it worth it. Huge fight, lame attempt at celebrating Keesha's birthday - good times. "Anybody want cake?" could be the Line of the Year.

Beyond Lame "Talk Show" that was of course Dan's idea. It ended with Dan giving himself a pie to the face. Is it funny if you do it to yourself? Laaaaaaaaame.

Who would you pick to win the America's Vote prize? I guess I'd pick Ollie. As for the Winner, you never know with these juries and their cockamamie reasoning. I guess I'll say Dan.

13 September 2008

Burn After Reading

Burn After Reading was, to me, the perfect comedy. It was Classic Coen Brothers, like Fargo or Raising Arizona. Full of completely random, WTF? humor. And totally hysterical. Now, I guess it depends on your sense of humor. It's getting mixed reviews and some people at the theater tonight hated it. But I left the theater laughing, I laughed in the car, and I laughed for a good hour afterward thinking about it.

Brad Pitt is hysterical. J.K. Simmons steals the movie and he's in it for probably 6 minutes. He's what made me laugh most of all. Him, and the machine George Clooney builds in his basement. For real. It's a totally absurd movie, where dumb people get in over their heads and there are big misunderstandings and everyone's paranoid and people accidentally get killed - it's fabulous!

11 September 2008

BBX: Eviction

Dan said he told Keesha that he took Michelle on the trip so that she could "finish it" and secure Michelle's vote for him!? Why the hell would she want to help him out? Well, I guess she hates Memphis because he voted her out.

LOL at Dan playing up his "hatred" of Memphis with all those "stab in the back" comments. That's probably the first time Dan made me honestly laugh (with him, not at him).

Jerry dropped out of the first part of the Head of Household competition early on. Dan ends up winning, only because he and Memphis agreed that he would.

Oy these long-ass competitions are so boring - thank god for fast-forward. Part Two goes to Memphis. (OMG JERRY TOOK ALMOST AN HOUR AND MEMPHIS TOOK 9 MINUTES!?) So Jerry's eliminated from the competition.

God. They did it. "The Renegades" did it. It's either going to be Memphis or Dan who wins this thing. It doesn't even matter who the Final HoH is, but it's Dan.

Evicted: Jerry. He went really far for an old-ass curmudgeon. Props, Jerry.

It always comes down to the Lesser of Two Evils for the winner of Big Brother, doesn't it?

The Challenge Is Back, Bitches

The big deal with this year's Real World/Road Rules Challenge (The Island) is that all these drunks have to live in the "wilderness". By which I mean some pretty well-appointed cabins. But there are outdoor toilets and no electricity, so that's what I consider roughing it. Of course there is alcohol.

No teams. No challenges. They just live on a beach and the prize money is in a treasure chest on an island. Huh? We're making the rules up as we go?

I don't know who loads of these people are, because I haven't watched The Real World in a while. There are enough familiar faces though, and the new people always get picked off early.

Derrick got married and his wife is pregnant. Oh crap! I thought steroids slowed your sperm down! Tonya is all cleaned up, and hella fatter, and lives in a small town again. So now she's freaking out because she's back in her old, familiar, slutty, bitchy surroundings.

Straight Jenn and Rachel make out. Gay Ryan makes out with a chick. Kenny and Johanna hook up - she knows how to pick winners! Actually, Kenny is hysterical and way better than Wes.

So the deal is that airdrops will bring the folks supplies and materials to build a boat that will eventually carry 8 of them to the Island. Will there be more booze in the airdrops too? Otherwise, I can't be bothered to listen to TJ try to explain the rules.

There is a Faceoff. Which seems a lot like a "challenge", but only 3 people do it. Kenny and Abram volunteer for it, and Tonya gets picked for it. The winner gets a prize, a key to the treasure chest, and immunity from elimination. And the winner is... Abram.

Elimination - the 2 losers from the Faceoff plead their case and beg to be kept in the game. Voting is done all out in the open, which is cool. Tonya goes home. Poor girl can't redeem herself. Life Lesson 1: being good doesn't pay. So because Kenny wasn't eliminated, he also gets a key. I think there's something about people being able to challenge other players for their keys. IDK, I don't even have a long enough attention span for MTV.

10 September 2008

Project Runway

They brought back the eliminated designers and forced them upon the current designers for a team challenge. Lame! They suck, why bring them back?

Challenge: Create an avant-garde look inspired by an astrological sign. Weirdest, most out-of-left-field challenge ever. Until they end up presenting at a planetarium party. OK, it makes sense now.

Uh-oh. Focus on Kenley. Not good. And she's bragging and not taking Tim's advice. Not good!

Terri and Keith gave some good drama. Cuz she doesn't work well with others and he's an incompetent flaming bitch. LOL when Tim had to wake Keith up to get to the runway.

Jerell loves to show his man-cleavage. As Tim would say, That troubles me.

Guest Judges: Contestants from past seasons. Yay faces from the past!

The designs mostly look atrocious, cuz they're so avant-garde and all.

Ew: Blayne's overstuffed granny panties - so gross and messy. He's a clear loser; he just HAS to go. Kenley's Disney-Princess-On-Acid. And she got REAL bitchy on the runway. Oooooo. My girl is a BITCH! Suede's boring little jumpsuit thing.

Liked: Terri (but she ended up being in the bottom, so again I know nothing) and Leanne. And JOE! Joe was amazing again!! YAY! I can feel good about loving him again.

Winner: Jarell. WTF? I swear to god everything he makes just looks like a hot mess to me, this thing included. Oy.

Double Elimination: Blayne and Terri. Damn, I'm bitter about Terri just because I think she's really good. Oh wells.

09 September 2008

BBX: Power of Veto and Eviction

The winner of this week's Power of Veto Competition will be responsible for sending someone home. It's the Biggest PoV Competition of the Season, people! (Contain your excitement.)

Dan and Michelle took their secret trip to the beach. He says he's gonna lay on the charm. Suuuure. You don't have any dude. And I'm pretty sure Michelle's street-smart enough to see through him.

Power of Veto: Memphis, because Dan threw it and the other 2 are idiots.

Evicted: Keesha. LOL at Keesha crying and ranting ahead of time because she just knew they were gonna evict her. Wah. You got "betrayed". Deal with it, idiot. And they just gave her the silent treatment. Hee. And then during her speech she ignored Memphis and just thanked Dan for his "support". HAHAHAHA

Before she left, Dan whispered to Keesha that he took Michelle on the trip. What was the point of telling her that?

And then Dan started acting all pissed at Memphis after the eviction. Was that fake to throw Jerry off? Or did something happen and he's really pissed?

OMG it's gonna be either Dan or Memphis winning this thing, right? Ugh! Dan YELLS through all of his diary room interviews and I CAN'T STAND IT ANYMORE!


Oh, Vicky - you never let me down!!!!

08 September 2008

Prison Break

So the gang is back on their mission to find the other 5 data cards, whatever they are. They have to find another within 24 hours or they're back in prison. Ooooo. The suspense. Cuz that'll be a short season if they don't!

Lincoln overhears Mahone telling Lang (Hi Agent Lang!) that the bad guys killed his son. She did some research into who was responsible so now Mahone can enact VENGEANCE! And act CRAZY!

There is much solving of codes and puzzles. Good thing some of these guys are smart. And the other ones are named Sucre, Bellick, and Lincoln. Lincoln's good with an ax, and that's about it. Like the one he Linc!Smashed against a window to free Michael from a server room.

There is much chasing. I couldn't even figure out why they were being chased, but they were. A lot. And then they were caught. And released. Honestly, this show confuses me. I guess I should pay attention to the dialogue or something.

Sara's pal Bruce got killed after not giving up her location. Next week they all run into T-Bag.

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles

OK, so last year I tried to get into this show. I gave up after 3 episodes. Mike said that's when it started getting good, some other people said the same thing, so I picked it back up on the reruns. And guess what - they were right! It got good when Brian Austin Green joined the show! Which really goes against everything you would think possible, I know. But he kicks ass and the show was suddenly good. Go figure. I still can't stand this brat John Connor, but I can overlook him now.

There was much in the way of car chases and car crashes and explosions. Cameron the Terminator survived the car explosion to think she was programmed to terminate John. John got a little more street cred by actually killing a dude. And he was a little more violent in his emo-ness. Then he "killed" Cameron, even after she begged for her "life". But right before burning her body, he fixed her chip and brought her back. So now we get same old Cameron, new kickass John. He even has a tough new haircut to go with it.

Shirley Manson from Garbage joined the cast as an Evil Corporation Chick. She was pretty cool. Then she turned out to be one of those liquidy Terminators like in T2 and she got REALLY COOL!

BBX: Nominations

Long, confusing luxury competition. Memphis murdering a moth by feeding it to a spider. Jessie in a gorilla suit. Just another thrilling episode of Big Brother 10.

Dan won a trip outside the house to a beach. He could choose a guest - either a HouseGuest or a Jury Member. He chose Michelle, thinking she'd be so appreciative. Dude, she has to go WITH YOU. Who the hell would want that? (He neglected to mention to the HouseGuests that he chose to take a Jury Member. Smart, though of course I hope it backfires.)

Nominated: Jerry and Memphis. In an effort to hide the Renegade alliance. I hope that backfires too!

07 September 2008

Oh. My. God.

We're gonna have a problem here. I don't eat KFC because I don't like to eat anything with bones.

And now it's boneless.

Oh NO!

(This is yet another reason I'm glad football is back -- commercials.)

Sigh of Relief

OK, that's better. Now...


05 September 2008

BBX: Eviction

I didn't realize Renny and Keesha were such freaking BFFs. How do they keep slipping these relationships in under my radar? Or do I just not pay enough attention? Or was that just the wine talking with them?

We got to meet the lucky girl who gets to date that winner Memphis. How lovely for her. He's quite a catch: 3 years into the relationship and he's just realizing he should be more selfless and give her what she needs. Awesome.

Jury House update. Lots of cattiness over Keesha gaining weight. Bitches. But I do love how much they hate Dan. And how cute April and Ollie are!! Awwww!

Evicted: Renny. I'm kind of surprised Dan and Memphis didn't split their vote and force Jerry to break the tie. But I guess they couldn't trust him to do what they wanted.

Head of Household: Dan. EFF.

This is like the Worst Final Four ever. Jerry is the best, I guess? Sometimes I can tolerate Keesha. I don't know. Ugh. It had just better not be DAN!

04 September 2008

Christ on a Bike

Stay tuned....

Stay Classy, Cumberland

Here's a summary of the big news out of Cumberland, Maryland: First, a couple young girls stole a wheelchair from a woman with CP and took it for a joyride. Then another dude was seen riding around in it, until a guy gave him a pack of cigarettes for it. Then this guy sold the wheelchair to his friend for $165, and when this third guy saw on the news that the wheelchair had been stolen he took the chair back and dumped it in a ditch and now it's broken. LOL, hicks!
When Jolene Griffieth’s wheelchair was discovered by a passerby in a ditch along an East Side street last week, she was elated that the expensive mobility had been found. But when she arrived at the Cumberland Police station to reclaim the device, Griffieth could quickly see mechanical deficiencies.

“When I got to see it, it was completely waterlogged and every piece that could be broken off the frame was broken off. It is completely inoperable,” said Griffieth.

Cumberland Police have now charged a city man with theft under $500 for his alleged involvement in the case. According to district court documents, Wiliam J. White, 23, of Walnut Street allegedly had possession of the wheelchair early last week after the wheelchair was taken from Griffieth’s residence in the 300 block of Frederick Street.

Allegedly, two city girls, ages 13 and 11, stole the wheelchair and then took it for a joy ride before abandoning it in the area of Knox and Columbia streets.

It was apparently not long after that when White encountered an unidentified man who was riding the wheelchair in that area. White said he gave the man some cigarettes to take possession of the wheelchair.

Subsequently, White allegedly contacted a Waverly Terrace man whom he knew was in the market for a wheelchair. White sold the wheelchair to the man for $165, stating that the wheelchair had belonged to an elderly friend of his who had recently died.

However, following a Times-News article about the stolen wheelchair, White contacted the man, advising him that he had learned from the published accounts that the wheelchair was stolen. White then reportedly took the chair and disposed of it on James Day Drive where it was later discovered.

The man who allegedly purchased the wheelchair contacted police, leading to White being charged in the case.

source (besides my BFF)

More Daily Show Because It's That Time of Year

There is NOTHING I love more than when The Daily Show highlights hypocrisy. And OH MY GOD last night was brilliant. They must have an amazing research staff to dig up all these old clips. I love it.

03 September 2008

Project Runway

Challenge: Designing for designer Diane von Furstenberg. LOL, Kenley is crying over her being there. Then cried over being able to use her fabrics. Oh, Kenley, so emotional in the diaries - I hope that doesn't mean she's getting auf'd this week! She's a freaking wreck. (And shhhhh... I'm finding her a tad annoying - but don't tell her.)

There were lots of layers involved in a lot of the outfits -- and a lot were messy-looking.

Leanne's sweater didn't go with the gown - I say lose it cuz the dress was great. I thought Terri's was fabulous, Blayne's was a HOT MESS, and Stella's was gross - the pants made the model look like she was packing. Why does Jerell always add a belt and ruin an outfit?! Joe's was a good concept at first, but that shiny shawl thing sucked -- there was a lot going on. Kenley's dress was gorgeous and is totally sell-able and wearable!

Winner: Leanne. The plain girl wins again.

Don't let the door hit you on the way out: Stella. FINALLY!!! And a huge SIGH of relief, because it was between her and Joe. And no way did he deserve to go - he rocks.

02 September 2008

BBX: Power of Veto (Snore)

Most Boring Final Five Ever. Snore. When the highlight of the episode is Jerry falling into the pool (and that was funny), you know it's boring.

Power of Veto Competition. Snore. Especially when Renny's being a dumb idiot during them.

PoV: Memphis, who uses it on Dan.

Replacement Nominee: Renny, the only other option. I'd imagine she's going home this week.

And I guess we get no mention of Hurricane Gustav. Whatever, New Orleans survived.

Welcome to the DS, Bitch

They're the Best Effing News Team on Television! Here's why.

01 September 2008

Prison Break Returns and It's UNBELIEVABLE (no, really?)

Previously on Prison Break, it was getting tedious and even more ridiculous than normal and annoying the piss out of me, yet I couldn't break away. I just can't give up this show. And going in to tonight's 2-hour premiere, I was pretty excited about the things I saw in the promos.

One thing I love about this show: the score. It kicks major ass. That hasn't changed.

We open with Michael hunting down Whistler, Mahone, and Gretchen, seeking revenge for Sara's death. They tell him that Sara's not really dead. So much for those revenge plans. Plan B: Find Sara.

The Panamanian Prison? Burned down. All of the boys who were left in there - on the loose. How terribly convenient. Bellick and Sucre are together and they get arrested when they go to visit Sucre's new baby in the hospital.

Lincoln's kicking it in Panama with his girlfriend and his son. He kills a Company Dude in self-defense and is arrested. Mahone: Arrested. Sensing a pattern yet?!

Michael is arrested in Chicago trying to find Sara. Michael Rapaport is from Homeland Security and strikes a deal with him - full pardon for him and his brother in exchange for some kind of mission I didn't bother paying attention to. Finding something-or-other - does it even matter?

But The Brothers are going to need help. So... The Gang's all back together, and needs to work together to do - whatever it is they have to do. The reason is incidental. The government even pays for Michael's tattoos to be removed by some method that I'm sure won't leave hideous scars. I like how we're just erasing things that have happened over the last 3 seasons. Literally. Hey, at least now he can go shirtless.

Michael and Sara reunite. She has a head, all is well. There is kissing and origami, which is all these two kids ever really had. And she's joining The Gang. And we get a Bonus Asian Guy! Roland, the Wacky Computer Geek. Or, as Lincoln so eloquently put it: "He's a douche." God, I love Lincoln the Meathead.

OK, so basically they are all trying to hunt down some kind of data card in The Company's possession. Roland has a gadget that will pick up the card's information, they slip the gadget into a maid's bag--- you know what? Long story short: They get the info off the card, but lose the gadget in the process and have to break into a well-protected house to get it. That wasn't very short, was it? Anyway, they got it, but discover they need 5 other data cards to complete the task. Okay. Now we have a mission for the season. This show is essentially now Ocean's Eleven.

Our cliffhanger: Michael gets some kind of nosebleed. Now what? A tumor? (Honestly, that was the cliffhanger.)

And what of T-Bag, you ask? Oh, I saved the best for last my friends. He's wandering through the Mexican desert with that bloody Bird Book from last season, and the goal of finding Michael. He's with some fat Mexican dude. Mike's sitting next to me and goes: "You know what's going to happen? T-Bag's going to eat that dude." I said, "No effing way. That's too much even for this show. T-Bag's done a lot of S, but that is just wrong." Then they fight, the guy hits his head on a rock and dies. Then there's a shot of T-Bag in front of a fire, and he drags the dude over to it. OMFG WAS THERE JUST IMPLIED CANNIBALISM ON TELEVISION? And why is Mike so psychic?????

Some ATV-ers pick him up and he is puking in his mouth. Random guy: "What's wrong, man? Did you eat some bad Mexican?" T-Bag: "Something like that." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. T-Bag uses said Bird Book to find a locker, which has a new identity, etc. etc. in it - designated for Whistler. But really - what's important here - cannibalism!

R.I.P.: Whistler, via kickass headshot, Company job. Mahone's family, off-camera Company job.

This is still the Most Craptastic Show on Television. There was cannibalism, people! We've had incest, cannibalism.... GREAT STUFF I'm telling you.

I Love a Good Republican Scandal

Bristol Palin, the 17-year-old daughter of Sarah Palin, is pregnant and will keep the baby and marry the father, a senior aide to Sen. John McCain confirmed to CNN.

Republican presidential candidate McCain was aware of Bristol Palin's pregnancy before he chose her mother for his running mate, the aide said.

"Senator McCain knew this and felt in no way did it disqualify her from being vice president," said the aide. "Families have difficulties sometimes, and lucky for her she has a supportive family."

The 17-year-old, a senior in high school, is about five months along, in her second trimester, according to the aide.

The aide said it was decided the campaign would reveal this information now because of rampant Internet rumors that Sarah Palin's 4-month-old baby, who has Down syndrome, was actually Bristol's.

"In the course of correcting that, we needed to get the truth out," said the McCain aide.

Sarah and Todd Palin issued a statement saying they are "proud of Bristol's decision to have her baby and even prouder to become grandparents."

They also asked the media to respect their daughter's privacy.

I really love that rumor about Sarah lying and saying the Down's Syndrome baby was hers when it was really her grandkid. But I knew it was too good to be true. Sarah Palin is the Lynne Spears of VP candidates.

BBX: Nominations

I'll be honest - whenever I follow the latest Hurricane Gustav news, I immediately think about Renny. She's from New Orleans, her family is there, and I wondered if she was going to be told about the storm and if CBS is taking care of her family. No mention of it in last night's show, but they gotta mention it at some point this week. I'll bet her family was evacuated and is staying in one of Les Moonves's houses.

Head of Household: Jerry. THAT WAS AWESOME! It was one of those down-to-the-wire competitions and I'm so glad he won just because now one of that Dumb Alliance has to go. More drama, please!

Jerry can't make a deal or a secret alliance with anyone - they're all untrustworthy. He makes a "deal" with Memphis to make it to the Finale. Dumb. I thought he should try to work with Renny because she's the one most likely to get the shaft from that alliance, and probably the most trustworthy. At least he didn't deal with Dan.

Nominated: Keesha and Dan.