Previously on Prison Break, it was getting tedious and even more ridiculous than normal and annoying the piss out of me, yet I couldn't break away. I just can't give up this show. And going in to tonight's 2-hour premiere, I was pretty excited about the things I saw in the promos.
One thing I love about this show: the score. It kicks major ass. That hasn't changed.
We open with Michael hunting down Whistler, Mahone, and Gretchen, seeking revenge for Sara's death. They tell him that Sara's not really dead. So much for those revenge plans. Plan B: Find Sara.
The Panamanian Prison? Burned down. All of the boys who were left in there - on the loose. How terribly convenient. Bellick and Sucre are together and they get arrested when they go to visit Sucre's new baby in the hospital.
Lincoln's kicking it in Panama with his girlfriend and his son. He kills a Company Dude in self-defense and is arrested. Mahone: Arrested. Sensing a pattern yet?!
Michael is arrested in Chicago trying to find Sara. Michael Rapaport is from Homeland Security and strikes a deal with him - full pardon for him and his brother in exchange for some kind of mission I didn't bother paying attention to. Finding something-or-other - does it even matter?
But The Brothers are going to need help. So... The Gang's all back together, and needs to work together to do - whatever it is they have to do. The reason is incidental. The government even pays for Michael's tattoos to be removed by some method that I'm sure won't leave hideous scars. I like how we're just erasing things that have happened over the last 3 seasons. Literally. Hey, at least now he can go shirtless.
Michael and Sara reunite. She has a head, all is well. There is kissing and origami, which is all these two kids ever really had. And she's joining The Gang. And we get a Bonus Asian Guy! Roland, the Wacky Computer Geek. Or, as Lincoln so eloquently put it: "He's a douche." God, I love Lincoln the Meathead.
OK, so basically they are all trying to hunt down some kind of data card in The Company's possession. Roland has a gadget that will pick up the card's information, they slip the gadget into a maid's bag--- you know what? Long story short: They get the info off the card, but lose the gadget in the process and have to break into a well-protected house to get it. That wasn't very short, was it? Anyway, they got it, but discover they need 5 other data cards to complete the task. Okay. Now we have a mission for the season. This show is essentially now Ocean's Eleven.
Our cliffhanger: Michael gets some kind of nosebleed. Now what? A tumor? (Honestly, that was the cliffhanger.)
And what of T-Bag, you ask? Oh, I saved the best for last my friends. He's wandering through the Mexican desert with that bloody Bird Book from last season, and the goal of finding Michael. He's with some fat Mexican dude. Mike's sitting next to me and goes: "You know what's going to happen? T-Bag's going to eat that dude." I said, "No effing way. That's too much even for this show. T-Bag's done a lot of S, but that is just wrong." Then they fight, the guy hits his head on a rock and dies. Then there's a shot of T-Bag in front of a fire, and he drags the dude over to it. OMFG WAS THERE JUST IMPLIED CANNIBALISM ON TELEVISION? And why is Mike so psychic?????
Some ATV-ers pick him up and he is puking in his mouth. Random guy: "What's wrong, man? Did you eat some bad Mexican?" T-Bag: "Something like that." LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. T-Bag uses said Bird Book to find a locker, which has a new identity, etc. etc. in it - designated for Whistler. But really - what's important here - cannibalism!
R.I.P.: Whistler, via kickass headshot, Company job. Mahone's family, off-camera Company job.
This is still the Most Craptastic Show on Television. There was cannibalism, people! We've had incest, cannibalism.... GREAT STUFF I'm telling you.
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