NOOOOOOOOOOO

God, I hate this smug bitch. Thanks for guaranteeing I never watch The Today Show again.

Ann Curry is going to be replacing Meredith Vieira on The Today Show. It was an announcement that was expected, and it has been made official today. After five years, Vieira is leaving the popular morning show, and leaving her post to Curry, who has been an NBC correspondent for fourteen years.

Instead of hiring someone new, The Today Show is going to play musical chairs with their already talented reporters. "Natalie Morales, 38, is set to step into Ann's role, and MSNBC anchor Savannah Guthrie, 39, will be the 9 AM anchor," Hollywood Life reports.

On the plus side? Even more Brangelina coverage!

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Congress Just Got Real

I knew he was involved in state politics, but now he's coming for DC. Dude - how about his season being 13 years ago? I remember it like it was yesterday. Meanwhile, I need updated pictures of his 6 kids with Rachel.

The glass ceiling for reality stars in Congress has been shattered, thanks to Real World: Boston standout Sean Duffy, a Republican who picked up an open seat in Wisconsin's 7th District during Tuesday's big election.

Duffy, who spent 1997 finding out "what happens when people stop being polite and start getting real," easily defeated state Sen. Julie Lassa for the job in a contest to replace retiring Rep. David Obey, a Democrat who held the seat for 41 years.

The Associated Press declared Duffy the winner, and he thanked supporters at his victory party shortly before midnight. "What a great night in Wisconsin," Duffy belted.

Duffy filled the "conservative Midwesterner" spot on season 6 of the show and later participated in Road Rules. During his stint as a reality TV star, he met and married Real World: San Francisco beauty Rachel Campos. The couple have six children.

Since leaving Boston, Duffy appeared on 2002's version of Real World/Road Rules Challenge and has made occasional appearances as an ESPN color commentator. Until recently he was the district attorney for Ashland County.

The 7th District includes all or part of 20 central and northwestern Wisconsin counties.

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Six Got Married!

What's amazing to me is that she looks the damn same. Blossom should take some notes.

In the spirit of her lovable Blossom character Six LeMeure, Jenna von Oy is downright giddy about her new husband, Brad Bratcher.

"We're so happy," the actress, who wed Bratcher on Oct. 10, tells PEOPLE. "My mama told me never to meet a man at a bar – so I did!"

The actress and the Dell computer data consultant, who had dated for two years before they tied the knot, met at a wine bar in Nashville and bonded over a love of author Gabriel Garcia Marquez. They became engaged last New Year's Eve.

The couple's wedding reflected their down-to-earth style: Bratcher, 39, and von Oy, 33, said "I do" in her hometown of Newtown, Conn., in the garden outside a bed and breakfast owned by a former teacher of the bride's.

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Emmy Nominations

So I don't want to say that the Emmy nominations were crap this morning. But they were crap.

I hate Glee with a passion - and everyone in it - so the nominations for those people made me want to puke. Seriously, I don't know what it is, but Lea Michele makes me want to slit my wrists just looking at her. She annoys me, yet I've never really watched her. Go figure.

For Best Actress, the only lovely surprise was Amy Poehler for Parks & Recreation. There were a ton of random nominations for shows I don't watch.

Other than that - John Noble not being nominated for Fringe makes me want to tear my eyeballs out. The show only got nominated in some sound category. Excuse me while I go vomit.

Nominations here. GO MAD MEN!!!

Audio Tape of the Year

Forget Christian Bale's raveout or Alec Baldwin calling his daughter a pig. THIS is the tape I want to hear. Mark my words -- "I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first." is going to be this year's "rude, thoughtless little pig."

In one of the most explosive, racist and vile outbursts by a celebrity ever caught on tape, Mel Gibson told the mother of his love child that the way she was dressed would get her "raped by a pack of n***ers," RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.

It's a shocking and blockbuster development in the couple's bitter legal battle, and Mel's disgusting words are on audio tape. His racist, misogynist statement is one of the secrets lurking in his war with his former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva.

RadarOnline.com has heard the tape, which also includes Mel telling Oksana he will burn down her home.

Drunken Mel previously shocked the world with his anti-Semetic comments when busted for DUI. Now, the new racist outburst has taken the Oscar winner to an even deeper low.

His outburst came during a series of explosive arguments with Oksana, mother of his infant daughter Lucia. They have been battling in court, with documents under seal, for the past several weeks.

And there is more than one disgusting outburst from Mel. RadarOnline.com has listened to the hate-fuelled rants the Braveheart star unleashed during fights with Oksana as their relationship unraveled.

"You're an embarrassment to me," Mel tells her at one point.

"You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault."

Mel's attorney told RadarOnline.com that he is no longer commenting on the case and said Mel's publicist is the only Mel official who will speak for him.

Mel's profane outbursts are littered with references to Oksana being a "whore" and "c**t".

In another tirade, Mel tells Oksana: "How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice."

He warns, "I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first."

The emergence of the explicit tapes is a stunning development in the couple's bitter separation and court battle over custody of their young daughter.

RadarOnline.com first broke the story about how Mel, 54, and Oksana, 40, filed dueling restraining orders against each other under seal.

Published reports say Oksana is alleging Gibson punched her in the face twice during a fit of rage, giving her a concussion and knocking out two of her front teeth.

Gibson does not deny that they had a confrontation but has simply described it, through his lawyer, as a loud argument.

In a further outburst, Mel is heard telling her, "You're a bitch" to which Oksana insists, "I didn't do anything."

"Did so," Mel responds.

The tapes do not make it clear what the couple was arguing about.

But Mel tells Oksana, "Look what you did to me... look what you are... look what every part of you is... f**king fake... f**king fake.

"You are the most synthetic person... who the f*** are you?"

He also takes aim at Oksana's previous relationship with former James Bond star Timothy Dalton, with whom she has a 13-year-old son, Alexander.

A source close to the situation says Oksana claims she was forced to tape Mel after he made a series of death threats.

The source says she hopes the recordings will be admissible in any potential trial.

"Oksana's motivation for recording this was to show Mel how mean he was, and because she feared for her life," said the insider.

"She wanted to get evidence that he was dangerous and violent."

The source claims that Mel has heard two of the tapes.

Said the source, "Mel is doing everything he can to suppress this... they are the rantings of a mad man."

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Rose Is All We've Got Left!

R.I.P. Yet Another Golden Girl

Rue McClanahan has died at the age of 76.

"She passed away at 1 a.m. this morning," her manager, Barbara Lawrence, tells PEOPLE. "She had a massive stroke."

McClanahan, who played man-happy Blanche Devereaux on the still-popular '80s sitcom Golden Girls, had suffered a minor stroke earlier this year while recovering from bypass surgery. Lawrence adds that at the time of her death Thursday, McClanahan “had her family with her. She went in peace."

R.I.P. Gary Coleman

I guess God needed to know what Willis was talkin' 'bout. On another note - wow, he was 42!?

Gary Coleman died today after being taken off life support, according to RadarOnline: Coleman had been hospitalized in Provo, Utah since Wednesday, May 26, after suffering what his family called "a serious medical problem." As RadarOnline.com previously reported, Coleman had slipped into a coma and was on life support after suffering an intracranial hemorrhage, according to ABC News.

Damn You, Sandy, I Love You

So obviously I'm on Team Sandra. Well, duh, what's the other team - Team Asshole Dirtbag? Anyway, I was really sad for her when the news came out about her douchebag husband, especially right on the heels of her being so cute and happy during awards season. And now we learn this! She adopted this baby back in January! Well, good for her and I hope Jesse James rots in hell. The end. Controversial stance, I know.

In public, Sandra Bullock has been through the best and worst of times this year – from winning her first Oscar to enduring the breakup of her marriage. In private, she was quietly keeping a joyful secret – his name is Louis, and he is her newborn son.

"He's just perfect, I can't even describe him any other way," Bullock reveals exclusively in the new issue of PEOPLE, announcing that she is the proud mother of Louis Bardo Bullock, a 3½-month-old boy, born in New Orleans. "It's like he's always been a part of our lives."

Bullock, 45, and husband Jesse James, 41, began the adoption process four years ago and brought Louis home in January but decided to keep the news to themselves until after the Oscars.

Then, just 10 days after the March 7 Oscars, Bullock and James separated following reports James had cheated. Bullock says she is now finalizing the adoption as a single parent.

Oh yeah, and she's filed for divorce. Good for her.

Die Jay Leno and NBC

So... how many people will watch Jay Leno return and how much must it suck to have to go back to your old job? I don't blame Jay here, I blame NBC and the crappy decision-making. Let's hope Conan and his staff 1) get paid and 2) find a nice creative outlet for themselves.

Late-night funnyman Conan O'Brien's last night as host of "The Tonight Show" will likely be next Friday, allowing Jay Leno to reclaim his old time slot.

"Conan does not currently plan on doing any more new shows after next week,” a source told People magazine's Web site this afternoon.

TMZ.com reported today that Leno struck a deal with NBC to reclaim the 11:35 p.m. to 12:35 a.m. "Tonight Show" slot.

If Jan. 22 is O'Brien's final live broadcast, the show will have ended two weeks before NBC’s scheduled preemption for its 2010 Winter Olympics coverage.

O'Brien's departure means that Leno will return to "The Tonight Show" desk at 11:35 p.m. in a deal the long-time host finalized today with the Peacock network, TMZ.com reported.

Under the contract Leno had been working under, TMZ.com reported that he had been guaranteed the 10 p.m. hour. By moving Leno back to late-night, NBC was in breach of his contract and needed to negotiate a new deal.

NBC has declined comment.

The bombshell reports come two days after O'Brien released a statement saying that he would not go along with the network's plan for him to host a relocated "Tonight Show" at 12:05 a.m., following "The Jay Leno Show" at 11:35 p.m.

"I cannot participate in what I honestly believe is [The Tonight Show's] destruction," O'Brien had said in the statement.

On Wednesday night's show, O'Brien took a swipe at Leno, saying, "Hosting 'The Tonight Show' has been the fulfillment of a lifelong dream for me -- and I just want to say to the kids out there watching: You can do anything you want in life, unless Jay Leno wants to do it, too."

Network executives have been fighting a losing, two-front war since giving O'Brien the "Tonight" job.

Not only has Leno's 10 p.m. show been weak in the ratings, but CBS's "Late Show with David Letterman" has consistently been beating O'Brien.

In the 10 p.m. slot, NBC had nothing in development worth investing the millions it would take to rush to the air. So NBC pulled Leno, who replaced the legendary Johnny Carson, out of retirement and created a 10 p.m. "Tonight"-esque show to fill that slot without spending much money.

But "The Jay Leno Show" -- while profitable to NBC -- did not attract enough viewers to satisfy its affiliates, left holding the bag with an ineffective lead-in to their 11 p.m. newscasts.

O'Brien's departure could usher a move to Fox, although he has denied that he is in negotiations with them.

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Holy Crap

I'd heard Artie was hospitalized - and it's kind of par for the course with him - but STABBING YOURSELF? His poor mother. I haven't listened to the show in years, but I remember they were close.

Troubled comic Artie Lange landed in the hospital after stabbing himself nine times in an apparent suicide attempt, sources told The Post. Lange's frantic mom called 911 Saturday morning after she entered his Hoboken apartment and found the bloodied funnyman, a law-enforcement source said.

Lange sustained six "hesitation wounds" and three deep plunges.

A source close to Lange's management team confirmed that the Howard Stern sidekick stabbed himself, adding that his mother had come to visit him that day to drop off food. Surgeons managed to save Lange despite heavy bleeding.

"We all have our demons," Stern said on-air this week, referring to Lange's past battles with addiction. "Artie has given this show tremendous moments of great comedy. He's a tremendous contributor. He is a good man. Don't forget how great he is."

Nope, Nothing Strange Happening There At All

Brittany Murphy's husband is perfectly normal too.

The Things I Learn On Facebook

R.I.P. Brittany Murphy

Brittany Murphy died early this morning after she went into full cardiac arrest and could not be revived, multiple sources tell TMZ.

She was 32.

A 911 call was made at 8:00 AM from a home in Los Angeles that is listed as belonging to her husband, Simon Monjack, the Los Angeles City Fire Department tells TMZ.

We're told Murphy was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center where she was pronounced dead on arrival.

It's perfectly normal for a 32 year old woman to die of cardiac arrest. In Los Angeles.

Welcome to the Future, My Friends

Kudos, CBS. Kudos. Too bad I don't live in New York or El Ay.

Broadcast network CBS will be advertising its fall TV season with a video-chip ad embedded in an issue of Entertainment Weekly.

The September 18 issue of the Time Inc.-owned magazine will feature the first video ad to appear in print, George Schweitzer, CBS marketing president, said Wednesday at a press conference at the company's headquarters here.

The ad will be launched in partnership with PepsiCo to promote Pepsi Max soda and the TV network's Monday prime-time lineup. Not everyone will be seeing it: the ad will appear in a magazine insert sent to subscribers in the New York and Los Angeles areas--an edition without the video chip will be sent to subscribers elsewhere and show up on newsstands.

The technology for the battery-powered ads was manufactured by a Los Angeles-based company called Americhip, and each ad can handle about 40 minutes of video.

Here are some more details about the Americhip technology: the screen, which is 2.7 millimeters thick, has a 320x240 resolution. The battery lasts for about 65 to 70 minutes, and can be recharged, believe it or not, with a mini USB cord--there's a jack on the back of it. The screen, which uses thin film transistor liquid crystal display (TFT LCD) technology, is enforced by protective polycarbonate.

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B&C Duh Moment of the Week

Cocaine was a contributing factor in the death of TV pitchman Billy Mays, according to an autopsy report issued Friday by Hillsborough County, Florida. Mays was found dead at age 50 in his home near Tampa on June 28. Mays, with his booming voice, was famous for fronting products such as OxiClean and Orange Glo in TV commercials.

The autopsy also found low concentrations of ethyl alcohol "consistent with social consumption of a few beverages" as well as the narcotic drugs hydrocodone, oxycodone and tramadol.

In addition, the tests found evidence of two tranquilizers -- alprazolam (Xanax) and diazepam (Valium) -- which are commonly prescribed for a variety of ailments, including anxiety and insomnia.

No, really? He seemed so mellow and not at all hopped up on a million different pills and cocaine.

Stephen Colbert PWNS

Click here for the breaking news.

Only The Good Die Young

Walter Cronkite, the CBS anchorman known as "Uncle Walter" for his easygoing, measured delivery and "the most trusted man in America" for his rectitude and gravitas, has died, CBS reported Friday. He was 92.

And with yet another celebrity death, I'm off to California. Will blog from the road!

Damn You, England!

As if Independence Day wasn't enough reason to hate England, now they've gone and infected my #1 Stone Cold Hottie with the Swine Flu!

"It has just been confirmed that Rupert Grint has taken a few days out of filming due to a mild bout of swine flu," his rep says in a statement. "He has now recovered and is looking forward to joining his fellow cast members at the junket and premieres this week and will then return to filming directly afterwards."

God Needed A Mediocre Quarterback

R.I.P. Stevie Mac. He was up to something fishy, I'll bet.

Former NFL quarterback Steve McNair was killed in a shooting in Nashville, Tennessee, authorities said Saturday.

Steve McNair, 36, spent 13 seasons in the NFL, the majority with the Tennessee Titans.

Police said they found McNair and a woman shot to death in a Nashville residence after receiving a phone call about an injured person.

The woman has been tentatively identified, but her name is not being released, authorities said.

A law enforcement source close to the investigation said the woman is McNair's girlfriend and that the residence is her condominium in downtown Nashville.

Witnesses said he was a frequent visitor there.

They could not provide details as to the circumstances of the shooting.

McNair, 36, spent 13 seasons in the NFL, the majority with the Tennessee Titans, before announcing his retirement in April 2008. He spent his last two seasons with Baltimore Ravens and he was the NFL's co-MVP in 2003.

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God Hates Quitters

STAY OUT OF THE LOWER 48 PLEASE!

Gov. Sarah Palin announced Friday that she will step down as Alaska's chief executive by the end of the month. She will not seek election to a second gubernatorial term in 2010.

As the 2008 Republican vice presidential nominee, Palin had been considered one of the front-runners for the GOP nomination in 2012.

"People who know me know that besides faith and family, nothing's more important to me than our beloved Alaska," Palin said at an announcement from her home in Wasilla. "Serving her people is the greatest honor I could imagine."

Palin said she was transferring authority to Lt. Gov. Sean Parnell, who will be sworn in at the Governor's Picnic on July 26.

OK, This Is Creepy Now

Holy Lord, these things really do happen in threes: Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson.

We've just learned Michael Jackson has died. He was 50.

Michael suffered a cardiac arrest earlier this afternoon and paramedics were unable to revive him. We're told when paramedics arrived Jackson had no pulse and they never got a pulse back.

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