30 September 2010


We're back in our Universe, so we get a Freak of the Week: Some guys hold a family hostage while digging in their basement, uncovering a metal box. Once opened, the box scrambles their brains and makes them bleed out of their noses, everyone (including the family) but one.

We find out that Faux-livia has been working with Newton (remember, the dude with the transplanted head who looks like Gordon Ramsay?) to review files and videos on Olivia, the team, pop culture in general, etc.

The Team works to review Walternate's Doomsday Machine blueprints, Pacey and Olivia drink and dance, and then the team is called to the House of Nosebleeds. Faux-livia knows that it's an Other Universe device, tells Newton, and works outside of the team to investigate.

Walter figures out the cause of death was soundwaves -- "silent but deadly". Naturally, Walter links this to his farts. Naturally.

The guy with the deadly box follows Faux-livia to her house, so he can return it to the proper authorities. Turns out he's deaf, which would be why the frequency didn't kill him. Newton comes over to collect the box and tells Faux-livia to kill Deaf Guy, which she does. Shoots him right in the back of the head, and drags him through her apartment -- until Peter knocks on her door. She feigns being in the shower, stashes the body, and then lets him in. In order to distract him from the blood seeping into the living room beneath the bedroom door, she makes out with him on the couch, but they're interrupted by a call from Broyles.

For some reason, Newton took the box down to a subway station and left it with a freaky tiny little homeless dude, who opened it, killing a bunch of people. They know the dude took the box with him down the subway tracks. So Peter volunteers to suit up, SWAT-team style, and is made temporarily deaf by Olivia shooting her gun right next to each ear. That was cool. He finds the little dude... and a second later the dude's head explodes. CHRIST!

Peter grabs the box and recognizes the markings on it as markings from the Doomsday Machine, meaning it's from the Other Universe. He can't close the box, so instead works to disarm it. Didn't realize he had that ability, but sure I'll buy it. But wait - there's a subway train coming! Jesus, it's a Thrill a Minute here. Faux-livia pushes him out of the way and all is good. When Peter reviews the blueprints, he sees the device on them.

In other news, Walter and Nina receive their gifts from Bell's will. Walter's is a note that says "Don't be afraid to cross the line" and a key to a safety deposit box. Would some cash have killed you? At the end of the episode, Walter heads to the bank to get the box. The contents? Massive Dynamic stock. Like, all of it. He's the sole shareholder now. SILLY!

Grossout of the Week: DID I NEED A CLOSE-UP OF THEM PULLING OUT BRAINS? NO I DID NOT! That or the head explosion - either one.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Chocolate milk. As in, he's trying to make Gene the Cow produce chocolate milk. Also bacon-flavored pudding. Why does he mention that? In answer to "What would surprise you?" "Bacon-flavored pudding, that would surprise me."

This Week's Code: ALERT.

28 September 2010

The Event

Last we saw, a plane headed for the President got sucked into the air. Now we see it reappear, over a desert, coming in for a crash landing. It lands pretty smoothly for a crash landing, but I guess considering it's landing on relatively hard, flat desert, I'll give it a pass. Sean and Michael, his future father-in-law, make it off the plane with everyone else.

Flashback: D.B. Sweeney forces Michael to swear he'll fly the plane, or else he'll kill his daughter (and they already killed his wife).

President Underwood meets with his peeps for a briefing, and they claim their military doesn't have this kind of technology.

Flashback: The President is briefed on the crash of an extraterrestrial UFO in Alaska in 1944. Among the "people" (they differ from humans by 1%) on that craft is Sophia, the leader that the President was meeting with earlier today.

Helicopters are on the way to the crash site, but Michael tells Sean to run and find Leila, that the copters aren't there to help. He wanders into the desert and collapses.

Flashback: That clingy, annoying couple they met up with on the cruise? The woman was one of the people who was holding Leila at gunpoint, and we see D.B. Sweeney kidnap her from her room (after killing the woman's creepy BF, who was hitting on Leila).

Sean wakes up in a hospital in Arizona, after being found in the desert. He talks about a plane crash, but everyone calls it heat stroke since there haven't been reports of a crash. The nurse calls the police, who say that Sean's wanted for the murder of the dude on that cruise.

Flashback: To the 1944 plane crash, when Sophia told the rest of the aliens to run away from the crash.

The President visits Sophia, who is in holding, telling the audience that he had planned to announce the existence of the aliens, and to free them and allow them to integrate. He wants to know who tried to kill him. She said her people saved his life. He wants to know how many of them there are, and where the plane is.

Flashback: Five years ago, to when Sean met Leila. I'm sorry - are we really supposed to believe he hasn't changed that horrible facial hair in 5 years!? I'm not buying it.

The FBI comes to the hospital and arrests Sean, and as they drive him wherever, they're not buying his story. They come up on the spot where Sean says the plane crashed, but there's a detour (allegedly due to a jackknifed hazmat crash). Of course, the plane is crashed just beyond that, but the feds turn around. A bunch of humvees arrive at the crash site, including that Hottie Asian guy. In a really creepy shot, we see that the passengers are all dead, scattered across the desert.

Flashback: That Hottie Asian guy? Really an alien. We see him 5 years ago faking a blood test to get into the CIA, and then "working with" the President's guy to "uncover the aliens." Cool.

So it looks like we have 2 factions that came out of these aliens - 1 who wants to integrate and have the truth exposed, and the other who I guess wanted to prevent it. Who knows, but it's pretty cool. I still like it.

26 September 2010

Project Runway

Challenge: Make a high-fashion look for a L'Oreal ad. Hi to Collier Strong, my favorite burn victim.

I effing hate Gretchen. She pitches a passive-aggressive fit about Michael having the same color fabric. Eff off. I also effing hate Valerie's big hairy mole. Because I watch this online, I was never quite sure if it was a smudge on her arm or what. Thank god I don't watch the show in HD. There was a closeup in this episode that made me wanna puke.

The designers get 2 days to work on their looks, which seems great until Tim Gunn comes in with an additional challenge: Create a second ready-to-wear companion piece. Oy. At this point, Mondo's already lost 12 hours working on an awesome-looking bustier that is too big for his model. Not to be outdone, Valerie loses a day and a half of work when she realizes she wasted time making stuff she won't use. She breaks down in the bathroom, making an ass of herself while saying she doesn't want to make an ass of herself.

I love all the guys that are left, and if it weren't for Mondo this show would be hella dull instead of plain boring.

April's looks were really great, but all-black -- enough with the all-black already!

Mondo's high-fashion look is typical crazy Mondo, and his RTW is gorgeous.

Ivy's blue mess is bizarre and the RTW doesn't look fitted correctly. Boo.

Michael has a dress with a humongous train and then a cute short dress to match.

Christopher's dress is kinda bizarre and looks a bit like it's wrapped in toilet paper, but his RTW is great.

Gretchen made a godawful old woman's outfit. Seriously, they ragged on Casanova for that, they should definitely rag on her. And I'm not even sure what her RTW had in common with it, other than flowiness.

Valerie's white dress and her RTW look were both boring as hell. They were sad and dull looking.

Andy was out of control with his pleating - it was definitely a crazy, high-fashion look, but the RTW was lovely.

Christopher and April are safe; Gretchen, Andy, and Mondo are in the top. Ugh, Gretchen!? With those feathers? Look at this thing!

Michael Kors called Ivy's looks "bridesmaids under the sea." Yep, they were gross and overly-literal with her damn ocean inspiration. Valerie was hammered for being boring. Michael is in the bottom because his proportions were off, but they said at least it was well-constructed, so hopefully he's safe.

Winner: Mondo. Yay Mondo! He really rules! I hope it's all guys in the finale.

Bye-bye: Ivy. Yeah, she definitely deserved that. Ugh, that blue ocean crap makes me wanna puke.

24 September 2010

Fringe IS BACK!

I heard they're going to alternate episodes for a while between the Universes. Tonight we get The Other Universe, complete with red credits and the "Manhatan" setting. Our Olivia is being questioned by a doctor, who thinks she's crazy for believing she's from another universe. Walternate and the alternate version of that cool, geeky guy from Massive Dynamic are performing procedures on Olivia, trying to transfer Faux-livia's memories to her. They've even given her Faux-livia's back-of-the-neck tattoo. Walternate thinks Olivia's ability to move between Universes will be helpful in their war.

Olivia busts out during one of the procedures (of course she does, she kicks ass). I haven't watched that new show Chase yet, but it kind of pisses me off how much the lead character looks like Olivia, like they're trying to copy her kickassery. It's a pale imitation, I'm sure.

She escapes into a cab driven by Henry, played by the amazing Andre Royo from The Wire. Oh hells yes. Henry's basically how I hope Bubbs turned out after The Wire ended. She goes back to the Opera House, hoping to return home, but it's quarantined and sealed off - filled with amber like some of the other places we've seen.

The bad part about this Universe - it's Peter-less. The good part? Charlie's alive! Charlie and Buff Broyles and the other partner, who has been burned to a crisp but is recovering thanks to the advanced medicine. It means he looks like Freddy Krueger, so it's kind of gross.

Agent Freddy catches up to Olivia, but she awesomely shoots her way out - because she has Faux-livia's Olympic-gold-medal-winning marksman abilities. She next tries the address of Massive Dynamic, but it's just a playground over here. Next stop: "Walter's safehouse" in Tarrytown.

But the house turns out to be another planted memory -- it's actually Faux-livia's childhood home, and Olivia's reunited with her not-dead mother. Charlie finds her there, and at this point she's completely converted to Faux-livia (due to the adrenaline activating whatever she was injected with). Henry is still there, keeping an eye on Olivia, following her and Charlie, clearly convinced something's up.

At the very end, we hop back over to Our Universe. YAY PETER! He's giving a statement about what happened with Walternate. Oh and he and Faux-livia are fully macking on each other now.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Oreos, eaten while he waits for Peter. He removes the top, natch.

Cool Detail from The Other Universe: DAILY FLIGHTS TO THE MOON????? AWESOME! Also, the phones are essentially earcuffs and people ride those olde-timey big-wheeled bicycles.

Fringe Code: AMBER.

20 September 2010

The Event

Alright, dammit, let's find out what this goddamn Event is. Hmmmm - we open in Miami. Well, this can't be good news for me. A plane takes off with a dude whose facial hair is doomed to bother me for the rest of this show. A hottie Asian (HOTTIE!) is on a mission to stop the plane from taking off, saying there's a terrorist onboard, but it takes off. The Dude With The Bad Facial Hair (I suppose I will call him Sean because it's easier, but never forget how awful that facial hair is) goes to the front of the plane and pulls out a gun.

We flashback to Sean, on a cruise vacation with his girlfriend. He's cut off mid-marriage proposal by someone's cries for help, and saves a woman from drowning. The woman and her boyfriend becomes that annoying couple that wants to hang out with you for the rest of the cruise. Sean and the other chick end up going on an excursion, and by the time they get back to the ship, Sean's GF is missing, someone else is staying in his room, and there's no record of Sean and his GF ever being on the ship. He tries to call his GF, but the phone has been disconnected. He tries her parents, but they're currently being attacked by intruders.

Back on the plane, an Air Marshall makes Sean stand down, but then they hear a gunshot come from inside the cockpit.

Next, we're introduced to President Blair Underwood. He's meeting with advisors, who are urging him not to close "the facility," not to let "them" out. In flashback, we see they're talking about 97 prisoners in a CIA-controlled program. President Underwood wants to meet the detainees, and so they take a trip to an Alaskan prison. The leader of the detainees is That Crippled Chick From ER, but we'll call her Sophia. Back to present day, the President and Sophia are readying a press conference when they're disrupted by a plane falling from the sky, heading right for them.

Back on the plane, Sean's GF's father is the plane's pilot, and he has been forced against his will to kill the co-pilot and fly the plane into the President's Miami compound. Just as it's about to hit the ground, the plane is swallowed up in the sky by some kind of electromagnetic wormhole. New security measures or something?

Sophia says to the President, "They saved us." "Who?" "I haven't told you everything."

Well, dammit, you haven't told me everything either!!

OK, this thing shows promise. Don't screw it up.

19 September 2010

Project Runway

Challenge: Design classic American sportswear inspired by Jackie Kennedy. Well, that's random, boring, and purposeless. Seriously, I don't get the Jackie O. tie-in at all. Is it her birthday or something? They are later told they have to make outerwear to go with their look.

You know what's sad? These designers are boring and making me nearly fall asleep. But Mondo looks great with eye makeup, so there's that.

Michael C. has this problem where he makes 3 different things and can't decide what to use. He's a mess - he made 3 dresses and 3 jackets. Oy.

Christopher has this problem where he thinks throwing leather over his model's shoulders counts as outerwear. His dress was gorgeous though.

Call me dumb, but I didn't mind Michael D's, even though at first it seemed like it would be a Wild West-style skirt. I'm undecided about Andy's saddlebag pants - but I think I liked them, minus the crazy crotch and butt. But maybe Jackie wouldn't have worn them? Oh who the hell knows - that bitch has been dead for a while, hasn't she? Mondo's was very him but still fit the challenge. It was great. Ivy's was pretty cool - she always does some nice, flowy pants, doesn't she?

Tim Gunn Line of the Day: "Jackie Kennedy would not have cameltoe." Or would she?

Guest Judge: January Jones. Look, I love me some Mad Men and I love to hate me some Betty Draper, but January Jones makes my skin crawl. Do not like. Luckily, she didn't really contribute much.

The judges hated Christopher's dirty dishrag/toilet seat cover wrap and Michael D's whole look. Go figure - I was wrong about that one. Heidi really slammed Andy's stuff - to the point where it was kind of rude and I felt really bad for him. The pants were ill-fitting for sure. They hammered Valerie too, but I actually really liked her vest.

Here are Andy's pants, for your consideration:

Winner: Mondo. YAY!

Bye-bye: Michael D. Well, how sad, I liked that skirt. And for all their hammering of Andy, he wasn't even in the Bottom Two. Damn you, editors!

The Town

I've been anticipating The Town for a long time now. Jeremy Renner, Jon Hamm, guns, and Boston accents? Um, yes please, sign me up.

It's a really great, gritty, grown-up movie (I don't want to say adult movie - that sounds like something totally different). There are some great action sequences and great performances. I'm really liking Jon Hamm as a heroic suit - I can see a lot more of that in his future. Jeremy Renner, as always, is cool with that air of "I'm freaking psycho" boiling just below the surface. He rules. And honestly Ben Affleck made me forget he was Ben Affleck - he was pretty damn good. And considering he directed too, he had his hands full.

The story is definitely your standard cops-and-robbers story, with a bad guy trying to escape the life, falling for a girl, etc., etc. But the performances and the Boston setting really elevate it and make it enjoyable. Like I said, a great adult film. Wait, there should probably be a comma after great....

16 September 2010

Top Chef: Finale

Final challenge: Make the four-course "meal of your life." Hmmmm. Vague much? They have to make a vegetable course, a fish course (using some local fish), a meat course (using duck), and a dessert.

Each of the chefs gets a previous Top Chef winner as a sous chef. Kevin gets Michael Voltaggio (and they're friends), Angelo gets Hung (that's a good match, both in style and douchiness), and Ed gets Ilan. OMG, I totally forgot Ilan actually won. He sucks, and Ed got the short end of the stick there.

Angelo gets siiiiick. No, really? Eating in Singapore makes you sick? Shocker! It means Hung does all of the shopping and a lot of prep, and Angelo's fine on the actual final day, after taking it (a needle) up the ass.

There are no disasters, and everyone makes good food. It's all pretty equal, though at this point Kevin seems to be getting the least amount of semi-negative comments.

Winner: Kevin. WOW! Talk about a Dark Horse. He kinda came out of nowhere. Or maybe he was just buried in that sea of Smooth Brothers at the beginning.

11 September 2010

Project Runway Times Two

Gotta catch up on my Project Runway too!

Challenge: Recycle a bridesmaid's dress -- and it's Real World Model Time, which is never good. They also throw in some utterly pointless bit where the designs are judged in a public showcase by regular people off the street.

Ivy proves she's the Bitch of the Show by getting mad at Michael C. for allegedly calling her the Bitch of the Show. He claims he didn't, and it's not like we see it happen - you think the editors would want to show that. I hate that Ivy's so mean to him because I love me some Michael C. The judges loved his dress too - I'm so over all of these hater bitches!!!

Mondo made the most fabulous dress ever out of his ugly pink dress! Ivy and Casanova made pants and cute tops - I really loved Casanova's. Andy made a great little shorts outfit, and April's dress was great. Valerie's and Peach's were really, really gross.

Winner: Michael C. HA! Take that, bitches! My man can sew!

Bye-bye: Peach. No one can argue that, even Peach.

On to the next one.

Challenge: Create a resort wear look. Tim mixes things up after the trip to Mood by making teams of 2 -- and they each have to execute their partner's design. That sounds like a massive pain in the ass. And it's especially hard for picky Ivy, which means it's entertaining. What a micromanaging bitch. Poor Michael D. (and thank god she didn't get Michael C.)!

April's idea of a resort is an asylum. Cool, mine too. Mondo wins my heart by being a dick to Michael C. and then admitting he was a dick to Michael C. Yay Mondo! For a second there I was getting mad at him for being a bitch. I'm glad he likes my man now.

Everything looked pretty good, except Ivy's looked awful and I guess it's Michael D's fault (or at least that's how she'll spin it). I didn't like Gretchen's design/color choices either.

Yep, Ivy blames Michael D. for not being able to execute the pants she had planned. But what she had to settle for was awful, so isn't that her fault for not being adaptable? Or for not trusting him to even try the pants? She's the Bitch of the Show and I'm over her.

Winner: April. I liked Andy's better, but April's was still cool and different.

Bye-bye: Casanova. Awww, I feel bad for him. Sure, his look was a bit old-fashioned, but I thought it was still classy. I don't think it was as bad as they thought - and I wanted Ivy's bitch ass gone.

09 September 2010

Top Chef Times Two

I have 2 episodes to catch up on, as I was on a trip to London, which included eating at 2 Gordon Ramsay restaurants (they were amazing!). And, appropriately enough, the winner of the Quickfire Challenge gets to go to London.

Quickfire Challenge: Prepare a dish for a wine pairing. Well that's vague and dull, isn't it? Angelo wins. Enjoy London, douchebag.

Elimination Challenge: Design a dish for the astronauts on the space station, one that can be freeze-dried well. Cool. None of the dishes were busts - so this was a pretty boring episode. Without major screw-ups or drama, this just drags. But at least all of the food looks good.

Winner: Angelo. Ick.

Bye-bye: Tiffany. NOOOOO! I'm pissed. She's great and I loved her. I definitely wanted Kevin to get kicked out first. Boooooo.

FINALE TIME! Ed, Kevin, Angelo, and Kelly. Kevin doesn't belong, Angelo's a giant douchebag, so I'm rooting for Ed and Kelly.

The finale takes place in Singapore this year for some reason. Everyone's eating at a street market when suddenly Padma comes into the picture. Which means it's time for a Quickfire Challenge: Make some Singapore street food in a wok. They all act like a wok is the hardest thing to use and only Angelo has developed a skill for it. Is it really? Am I not supposed to use mine to make chili? Winner: Ed. NICE! Ed makes it to the finale automatically.

Elimination Challenge: Work as a team to cater a party. It's weird that Ed has immunity but still has to participate. What's the point? At least he can just cut loose and have some fun while everyone else sweats their balls off.

Angelo makes Lamb Tartare and I want to puke. The only thing worse than lamb? Raw lamb.

Daddy Tom comes into the kitchen and admonishes the chefs for only planning to make one dish each. So they have to come up with something quickly (except for Ed, who is a showoff and already planned to do 2). The foreign waitstaff complicate things even further - it's kind of high comedy. They're inept, bumbling, and sometimes write their tickets in Chinese.

The chefs all produce amazing dishes, most of which look good to me too (raw lamb notwithstanding). The judges seriously lose their minds over some of this food. Another tough one where everyone's pretty equal. Even Kevin deserves to be there at this point, so I'm only actively rooting against Angelo because he's a horse's ass.

Winner: Ed. Yeah, Ed is the man. Good for him.

Bye-bye: Kelly. Definitely saw that coming.


02 September 2010

The Boob Apron

I've never seen the real commercial for this thing that is essentially a napkin you stuff down your bra. But I love this parody! (Some NSFW language, if you're a pussy.)