Yep, It Was Awesome

The Dark Knight Rises is even better in IMAX, of course.  And yep, I still love it.  Kind of love how it completes the trilogy and still gives the possibility of more.  Still love Anne Hathaway, Joseph Gordon-Levitt and good-guy Gary Oldman.  It did make me want to see The Avengers again, though.  That movie still wins the crowd-pleasing audience award, only because there's not much dark about it.  There's not much in the way of knee-slapping in TDKR.

So I think I'll watch The Avengers now (I have it with some foreign (Russian?) subtitles, but couldn't care less).  On a related note, I'm 95% sure I'm giving up on So You Think You Can Dance.  And I'm pretty sure there's a new Project Runway season, yet I have no desire to watch that either.  When you don't watch a show for a few days and don't miss it and pretty much dread starting it, that means it's OK to abandon it.  And I find myself thinking I'd rather do a Massive Fringe Rewatch v. watching new SYTYCD.  It can be so and it will be so!

Long story short, Breaking Bad has ruined all other TV for me.

So You Think You Can Dance

So many hours of this show to catch up on....

Episode 1


1. Witney and Chehon - Samba by Louis Van Amstel.  It was her style and not his, and you could tell.  Boring.
2. Tiffany and George - Contemporary by Sonya Tayeh.  She's really bendy and in shape.  They make a nice pair.
3. Janaya and Brandon - Lyrical Hip Hop by Tabitha and Napoleon.  Tabitha's hella pregnant. Awwwww.  They were pretty good, but I find myself tiring of the usual Nappy Tabs choreography.  And that's sad.
4. Alexa and Daniel - Jazz by Sean Cheesman.  It was a hard routine, and she struggled with keeping up with it.  And he seemed to struggle with lifting her.
5. Amber and Nick - Viennese Waltz by Jason Gilkison.  I was surprised they were a good pair, since he reminds me of a 10-year-old Clay Aiken and Amber looks like a muscular Whitney Houston.
6. Amelia and Will - Hip Hop by Tabitha and Napoleon.  I only liked it because it used a song by The Cure.  The choreography sucked and Amelia isn't the best fit for it.  She pretty much just stuck her ass in the air the whole time.  Is that dancing?
7. Janelle and Dareian - African Jazz by Sean Cheesman.  African Jazz is always a fun, hard routine and they were awesome!
8. Eliana and Cyrus - Broadway by Tyce Diorio.  I was surprised Cyrus actually did really well with the choreography.  Good stuff!
9. Audrey and Matthew - Contemporary by Travis Wall.  Beautiful routine, setting aside the self-serious Titanic theme.
10. Lindsay and Cole - Pasodoble by Jason Gilkison.  Pretty awesome.  It fit him really well because - hello, muscular.  Jesus.

Episode 2

We open with an amazing routine set to a remix of "The Beautiful People."  Gotta love it!  I was shocked to discover it was a Tabitha and Napoleon routine.  Looked like Sonya to me.  Yay!  They've still got it!

So now everyone performs again, we find out who was in the Bottom 3, then they're booted.  Oh that's nice - force them to learn a new routine and dance and then maybe not make it past the night.  And tonight they're booting 2 of each gender.

1. Lindsay and Cole - Hip Hop by Christopher Scott.  Let's set aside the fact that it was dentist-themed.  Weird.  They were good, even if it was a little goofy.
2.  Amelia and Will - Contemporary by Sonya Tayeh. It felt like the longest routine ever, so I guess it didn't enthrall me.
3.  Amber and Nick - Tango by Tango People.  I'll give his twinky ass credit, he doesn't seem to have problems with the lifts.  They were really good.
4. Audrey and Matthew - Jazz by Sonya Tayeh.  Cool routine, it felt too short.
5. Janelle and Dareian - Hip Hop by Christopher Scott, set to "My Girl."  Which was as good as it sounds, which is to say wholesome and blah.
6. Janaya and Brandon - Broadway by Sean Cheesman.  It was a cool routine and they really work well together.  Might be my favorite couple, if I could distinguish between the hundred couples.
7. Eliana and Cyrus - Jive by Tony and Melanie.  The Jive is always a bit awkward, but he did well with it.
8. Alexa and Daniel - Contemporary by Dee Caspary.  In a bathtub.  Set to Yanni.  So weird. Yuck.
9. Tiffany and George - Foxtrot by Tony and Melanie.  Nothing earth shattering.
10. Witney and Chehon - Bollywood by Mr. Bollywood.  It was really good!


Time to thin the herd.

Bottom 3:
Janaya, Witney, and Alexa.  Agree!
Nick, Daniel, and Chehon.  Agree!

The judges don't want to see anyone dance for their lives.  Alrighty then.

Bye-bye: Janaya and Alexa and Nick and Daniel.  It's a shame because Daniel was supposed to be My Dance Boyfriend, but he really wasn't all that good.  And Nick looked like a young Clay Aiken.  Bye, bitches!!!

So You Think You Can Dance

As has become my tradition, I don't watch the So You Think You Can Dance auditions.  They just take too long and for every awesome dancer you see, you waste your time with 50 lame ones.  Thankfully, the show won't waste my time this season, as we only get 1 show a week and don't have to waste a terrible amount of time on results.  There are also going to be 2 winners this year, one guy and one girl.

I'm nearly a week behind on last week's episode.  So let's see who our Top 20 are, and judge them solely based on this show alone.

Alexa - was rejected last year, and all the judges think she's dead behind the eyes
George - looks like he'll own everything this year
Will - should be hotter than he is; has a messed up face, is super tall and is FAT
Amber - another previous reject

They perform a decent Tyce Diorio routine together decently.

Nick, Lindsay and Witney - ballroom people, with Lindsay and Witney totally indistinguishable from each other.  Once that routine gets underway, I just go ahead and fast-forward through it, as they all look the same to me.

Eliana - ballet girl, most likely to annoy me
Daniel and Chehon  - ballet guys.  Not sure what a Chehon is, but Daniel has a vague Australian accent and is hot - so YUM.

Ballet is hard.

Tiffany - nope, she's the most likely to annoy me
Audrey - or maybe that title will go to Audrey
Janelle - belly dancer, has crazy (but somehow not annoying) energy and is stunning to look at.  She didn't dance tonight because she's sick.

Once again, the dancers were indistinguishable from each other in the routine.  Same outfits, same hairstyle - that doesn't help.  They also looked like they were 11 years old, and I found that hella disturbing.

Matthew and Dareian, typical contemporary guys
Janaya - really pretty, except for her eyes being too far apart
Amelia - could she be more pale?  Answer: no.

They perform a lovely routine and hey, at least Amelia stands out amongst all these other dancers.  Because her skin reflects light so brightly and all.

Cole - oh, man, the only Asian is fugly.  I'm sad.  He does some martial arts-infused dancing, which is cool.  Way to live up to the stereotype though, dude.  We get it - your people like karate.
Brandon - he's a stepper and hot as hell so HELL YEAH
Cyrus - has a crazy-awesome robotic popping style, probably won't make it past Week 3

They all perform together, and I'm not convinced they're the kind of unique dancers who can do regular choreography well, except maybe Cole.

Then there's a Top 10 Girls number by Travis Wall.  Again, all wearing the same outfit.  Again, not helping when there's one black chick, one clear chick, and the rest are half long-haired blondes and half long-haired brunettes.  The Top 10 Guys do a Sonya Tayeh routine.  HELL YEAH THEY DO!  The guys are so much more explosive and her choreography was perfect for them.  Finally, everyone does a cool Mia Michaels routine -- so nice to have her back.

Snap judgment: Daniel is officially my Boyfriend of the Show.  H.O.T.

No show this week for the holiday, and then I'll be watching the next one late because I'll be at Comic-Con when it's on.  It's almost as if the universe was telling me just to give up and not watch this year but NO!  I gotta have my dance!

SYTYCD Finale: Part Two

How quickly I've forgotten all of these people as they come out for the Top 20 dance. Ryan, that Russian bitch, Jess -- nope, don't miss any of you.

Cat is lovely in a red sequined number, but I was expecting something over-the-top for the finale, no? Sonya and Mary are rocking some HUGE skirts on their dresses. I guess Cat wanted to be quietly stylish by comparison. It's the brilliance of Cat. I will no longer question it.

Let's fast-forward through all the retrospectives and just get to the judges' picks for Best Of, 'K?

Sasha and Kent's intense wall dance. Marko and Melanie's peppy little Nappy Tabs routine -- you know, the one with The Kiss. Tadd and Lauren's "Another One Bites the Dust" -- was that the best they could do for a Tadd number? Miranda and Robert's Busta Rhymes (yeah, that was good). The one where Melanie flew across the stage and into Neil's arms. Marko and Allison's beautiful Sonya routine. The Geishas with the Top 10 Girls. We also got a great tap performance from Nick, Jess, and the UK Winner.

4th Place: Tadd. Yep, that's 100% accurate.

Let's continue with the dancing. Ashley and Chris (oh how I've forgotten you, Chris) and their jail routine. Twitch and Sasha's sexy little hip hop. The Top 10 Guys doing their cool Matrix-y hip hop. Alexander has some crazy-ass blonde hair now. Of course he does. Argentine Tango from Caitlynn and Pasha. Melanie and Marko as statues.

At this point, Sasha joins them on stage. OMG - Marko's going to get kicked out in a statue costume! Poor guy.

3rd Place: Marko. Yep, I'm a psychic. That's exactly how it should go. But yeah - he's getting kicked out in an awful costume. At least they didn't make him wear the full white makeup.

The final dance is the Melanie and Sasha Sonya Jazz routine. It's almost as if they knew they'd be in the Top 2....

And The Winner Is: Melanie. Wow! I'm kind of surprised! I think it should have been Sasha, but it's not like I'm going to say Melanie sucks. Go Tree Trunks McPixieson!!!

SYTYCD Finale: Part One

Performance Show Finale time. Crazy. Where did the season go?

Cat's eyes and lips are BOTH hella wonky tonight. She def looks a hot mess. Speaking of hot messes, Katie Holmes is the guest judge. Hot robot mess. (But she looks good.) After all of her comments I would say, "Thanks, Mrs. Tom Cruise." Because, seriously, you're adding nothing. Go.

1. Marko and Melanie - Disco by Doriana Sanchez. Melanie in a skimpy outfit isn't doing it for me; she's got a weird pasty body. The dance was boring as hell. These two deserved SO MUCH BETTER. I suppose they executed what they needed to execute (well, not the lifts - those looked struggling), but it was cringe-worthy and pretty awful.

2. Sasha and Mark - Jazz by Sonya. Great to see Mark do a Sonya routine again, but it was really meant to showcase Sasha. And it certainly did. Jesus, she is amazing; her body does crazy things. She's like the perfect combination of athlete and artist. Definitely rewound it and watched it again right away.

3. Tadd and Joshua - Hip Hop by Lil C. OH SNAP SON JOSHUA IS BACK!!!! And look, Tadd, I love you but JOSHUA IS THE BOMB! I pretty much just watched him. He rules so hard and we haven't seen him in ages. I was like a kid on Christmas I was so giddy over it. I'm gay for the dance, what can I say? It was a hard, buck routine and Tadd was great. Great pairing. I'm a happy fangirl.

4. Melanie and Robert - Contemporary by Stacey Tookey. It was a lovely, emotional routine that suited her SO much better than that disco crap. Beautifully danced.

5. Sasha and Marko - Broadway by Spencer Liff. It was a playful, fun routine and Sasha was hella sexy. Loved it!

6. Sasha and Tadd - Cha Cha by Some Dude. It was alright. I think I was thrown by how much taller she is than him. Their partnering was way off and it seemed hard and awkward. Her body's just so amazing though - she looks great.

7. Marko and Lauren - Contemporary by Some Totally New Chick. It was a great routine and emotional, especially on Lauren's part. It was the perfect routine for him - really strong and beautiful - and they made a great pair.

8. Melanie and Tadd - Jazz by A Dude. It was a little trifle of a routine, complete with tearaway pants. So, you know, kind of corny but still a good time. Melanie is really good at doing character pieces; she'll be an actress, I'm sure.

9. Melanie and Sasha - Contemporary by Stacey Tookey. They were so lovely together and they're both good at the acting part, actually.

10. Marko and Tadd - Hip Hop that Incorporated Gumboot Stepping by a Dude. It was weird because the routine was really fast, but their legs looked like they were moving too slowly. Like they were heavy or something. I'm sure it's just that they're exhausted. It just wasn't the best way to feature the Asian Explosion.

Let's just rewatch Sasha and Mark 100 times and give the girl the damn award just for that thing.

SYTYCD: Results

I just realized no one got hurt this year. Hurrah! Well, we were robbed of Alex Wong, but yeah, otherwise, everyone stayed healthy after that first week when Someone We Don't Care About Anymore hurt himself.

Melanie gets the first bid in to the Finale, and Marko follows. YAY!

The Guest Performance was something called the Bad Boys of Dance, though there was one girl. But it was mostly shirtless guys in tight Tron-inspired pants balleting about. Whatever, just tell me my girl Sasha is fine and the world is still round.

Bye-Bye: Caitlynn and Ricky. Thank you, America!!! You rule!!!! 2 Asian guys and 2 wonderful girls - next week's going to be awesome and tough!

SYTYCD: Performances

Guest Judges: Christina Applegate and Lil' C. And Orange Mary. Jesus, she is an unnatural shade of orange and so are her boobs. Her big old boobs.

1. Melanie and Twitch - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was good. I mean, I wasn't really feeling the song, and it was weird to dance to, but she held her own for sure. Pretty good for a Pixie-haired white girl.

2. Sasha and Kent - Contemporary by Tyce. Oh crap - Kent, son! And OMFG it was a crazy-ass, intense routine that involved a wall and it was just crazy. This bitch needs to win. End of story.

3. Marko and Janette - Paso Doble by Some Dude. Marko was great. I mean, so was Janette but that's a no-brainer - I loved watching her skirt fly around. There was a cool trick in it and it was well done.

4. Tadd and Ellenore - Jazz by Sonya. I love Ellenore and her kooky style - pair her with Sonya and it's awesome. Add Tadd and it rules. He literally was swinging from a chandelier several times. Pretty cool. Nigel was right that there needed to be more dancing, but it was a nice piece. OK, maybe I'm disturbed that his nipples are prominently displayed in his sheer shirt.

5. Ricky and Jaimie - Contemporary by Dee Caspary. Damn, we are getting all the cool All Stars tonight!! I loved seeing Jaimie again. And they were really good together - it was a long, lean, lovely routine.

6. Caitlynn and Pasha - Samba by A Dude. Enough Pasha already. I know they need a male ballroom dancer, but Christ. Actually, it was really good and Caitlynn was surprisingly great!

7. Sasha and Ricky - Waacking by Some Chick. Waacking? Yep, Waacking. Not sure how to explain it - kind of disco-y but with lots of arm movements? It was cool and Sasha just proved she's awesome at everything. She deserved better than Ricky.

8. Melanie and Tadd - Broadway by Spencer Liff. Oh man, they deserve better than Broadway. It was actually an interesting routine though and they were good together. I love them both.

9. Caitlynn and Marko - Jazz by Sonya. It was an awesome routine - one of Sonya's slower Jazz routines. Loads of really cool moves. Marko's so strong and amazing and she was really good too!!!! Hmmmmm, she's been great tonight, and that's when you really want to prove yourself. Good for her.

But let's say goodbye to Caitlynn and Ricky tomorrow, OK, America? It's gotta be Sasha, man. Just Sasha. I mean, Melanie is a superclose second, but it is ALL ABOUT Sasha.

SYTYCD: Results

Our opening number is a nice little circus-y thing by Tyce. But who cares when Cat is all sleek and lacy tonight?

If there's any justice, Sasha, Melanie, Tadd, and Marko are the final dancers. Wouldn't that be wonderful?

Bottom Two Girls: Jordan and Caitlynn. Excellent. Halfway there.

Bottom Two Guys: Tadd and Jess. Oh snap! I mean, YAY about Jess. But Tadd? Eff you, America! OK, if he leaves, I'm pissed. Especially after Tadd's gravity-defying solo. Good stuff.

Our guest dancers were the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers, who are always amazing. The guest performer was Lady Gaga, who I always fast forward through. Sorry, I've never really gotten it.

Bye-bye: Jess. YESSSSSSSSS!!!!! Jordan. Awwww. That's OK - it just means Caitlynn's out next week. That's easy.

SYTYCD: Performances

Guest Judges: Choreographer/Director Rob Marshall (a disturbing shade of orange) and Lady Gaga (her blue hair has nothing on Rob's orange face). Gaga ends up being constructively-critical; I'm a fan.

1. Sasha and Pasha (it rhymes!) - Quick Step by Some Dude. That's a hard style to judge, but she was great, of course. I just worry it won't connect with voters. (Yes, I worry about these things.)

2. Caitlynn and Ivan (who?) - Hip Hop by Some Crosseyed Dude. It was the most typically-crappy hip hop routine you could imagine. That's what a crosseyed choreographer and a white boy dancer gets you.

3. Jordan and Ade (yay!) - Jazz by Tyce. I love how Tyce has been slammed lately for his lazy-ass Broadway choreography. He annoys me. His Jazz is always 100 times better, and this was a decent routine. Loads of extensions and flexibility from Jordan.

4. Melanie and Neil (my boyfriend!!) - Contemporary by Mandy Moore. It was definitely athletic and flawless, with one massive jump-into-his-arms moment. The judges were creaming themselves over it. And yeah, they're probably the best dancers, but I wasn't THAT blown away by it. Do I need to clean my glasses or something? I think the song distracted me - "Total Eclipse of the Heart".

5. Ricky and Anya - Jive by Jason Gilkison. That's a tough one because you're always going to look at Anya's old ass, not the dude's. She even flipped his twink ass up in the air and over her head. It was fine and safe and forgettable.

6. Jess and Brunette Lauren - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Honestly, it would have been a great routine with another dude. Someone strong and tough? Yeah. Jess? No.

7. Tadd and Blond Lauren (yay!) - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was the most fun routine so far and I really like them as a couple.

8. Marko and Allison - Contemporary by Sonya. I am loving the lovely-not-quirky Sonya style lately. They had such gorgeous, fluid movement and were perfectly in sync. They make a really strong couple. Gaga cried, though I'm not sure why. Probably for attention.

And now we get regular couplings.

9. Tadd and Caitlynn - Foxtrot by Some Dude. It was a classic, lovely dance and I thought they were elegant and beautiful. It doesn't make you pick up the phone, but it makes you smile.

10. Marko and Ricky - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Male/male pairing hell yeah! It was pretty much the bomb, and the only way it could have been better if it was Marko and Tadd. Gotta love a high-energy, difficult routine set to old school Puff Daddy!

11. Jordan and Jess - Rumba by Jason Gilkison. Oh hell no he isn't going to be able to lift her big ass! The rumba is slow and weird. It's a lot of vamping and dragging about. He was incidental - no chemistry, you just focused on Jordan's big red ass. Nigel called her swayback deformed. Ha! The Adele song deserved way better.

12. Melanie and Sasha - Jazz by Sonya. OH HOLY CRAP THE 2 BEST GIRLS!! (Man, if they had paired Tadd and Marko my face would have exploded tonight!) Quirky, jazzy Sonya is back and I loved it! They were just wonderful together, so awesome and precise. Something tells me they'll be performing together in the finale too.

SYTYCD: CliffsNotes Version

I'm too beat to do a full post, but I wanted to watch the show while I remained unspoiled.

I'll say that having the All Stars definitely elevated the dancers, and some pairings were simply amazing, like Sasha dancing with Twitch and Tadd dancing with Comfort. Also, Neil Patrick Harris is a great judge.

Bye-bye: Mitchell and Clarice. Damn, she finally got out from under Jess - and did a killer Bollywood routine with Robert - and now she leaves. I'm fine with it though - they deserve it over anyone else. Except maybe Jess.

SYTYCD: Results

I was traveling for work, but remain unspoiled as to the results. The key is avoiding the ol' Google Reader.

Nigel makes the bloody awful announcement that, while they asked Alex Wong to come back as an All-Star, he snapped his other Achilles tendon on Saturday. Jesus Christ!!!! This is devastating!!!!

All Stars: Melody, Allison, Pasha, Twitch, Comfort, Chelsie, Brandon, Kathryn, and Robert. I don't know Melody because she's Season 1, but I'm all in on everyone else. Except for Pasha, of course. Ugh.

Bottom Three:

Caitlynn and Mitchell - her solo was really good and Mitchell's was amazing and strong.

Ryan and Ricky - Ryan's solo was typical and meh but his was really sharp and lean. Loved it.

Sasha and Alexander - Her solo was gorgeous, of course, but he did a cartwheel and landed on his toe and it was incredible! He gets my respect just for that one move.

The guest dance performance was a rap/tap group. It was awesome, and featured that White Tap Chick from last year.

Bye-bye: Ryan and Alexander. Perfect decisions. You know, since Jess wasn't an option.

SYTYCD: Performances

Next week it's All Star time and I'm going to be at Comic-Con, not watching. Crap. Cat's eye makeup is making her eyes look even wonkier tonight - it's uneven as hell. Someone help my girl!

Guests Judges: The Gay Guy From Modern Family and Sonya. He ends up being funny and a big fan too.

Two routines from everyone tonight. Time to dance your asses off, kids!

1. Sasha and Alexander

a. Paso Doble by Tony & Melanie. I love me a good paso doble and they were great. Sasha is a thing of beauty - can't wait til she gets paired with an All Star and loses Alexander and his face.

b. Jazz by Tyce. They deserve better, or at least she does. She was great. Amazing. I really need her to stick around to get paired with an All Star.

2. Jordan and Tadd

a. Contemporary by Travis Wall. It was a different kind of Travis routine - intense and explosive. Very cool, and they were amazing. Jordan had a million great leg extension things. She ruled.

b. Broadway by Spencer Liff. It was kind of a dull routine, even though it seemed like it should have been peppy and fun. I didn't get it. Neither did Sonya. Boring. They deserved wayyyyy better.

3. Ryan and Ricky

a. Broadway by Spencer Liff. Did they dance at all? I didn't see any dancing. But they bore me, and so does Broadway. The judges pretty much slammed it, so I guess I didn't miss much. Zzzzzzz. Let's hope they get some energy before their next performance.

b. Cha Cha by Louis Van Amstel. Oh so that's where their energy went - crazy routine! And I don't want to admit it, since they bother me, but they were good and he was excellent.

4. Caitlynn and Mitchell

a. Hip hop by Christopher Scott. But not just any hip hop -- it's about Ugandan children forced into war. Mmmm-kay. I didn't get Ugandan children out of it - like, AT ALL, but it was alright and I thought Caitlynn was hella good. White girl can dance, if not play an abducted-war-child. The dumbest thing they ever did was mention the effing war babies.

b. Contemporary by Travis Wall. Another atypical Travis routine - had a rock edge to it. It was good and she's just gorgeous.

5. Melanie and Marko

a. American Tango by Louis Van Amstel. They were great and the final move was incredible - a crazy, pull-her-through-his-legs-and-back-up thing. She was sexy again. Yay Melanie!

b. Contemporary by Dee Caspary. Goddamn, I'm going to miss them dancing together. :( Until the finale when I'm sure they'll be paired up again. Cuz they are in it to win it, kids!!!!

6. Clarice and Jess

a. Lyrical Hip Hop by Christopher Scott. This one's about a woman's insecurities - which is a little more manageable than war orphans. But god I don't want to see Jess doing hip hop. His moves were definitely way too smooth and not at all hard-hitting. I can't wait til she loses this zero too! The judges ate it up. They suck.

b. Jive by Tony & Melanie. Oh Christ. Jive and Jess. No thanks. He had to lift her a couple times, which does him no favors. Cuz seriously, it looks like the little man's going to break his back. But he can kick his legs. Good for him. Die.

I'm worried that Caitlynn and Mitchell are going to be in trouble....

SYTYCD: Results

We open with a typically-fun group Bollywood number and Cat all sequined-out. The giant metal belt kills the look though.

Bottom Three:

Ashley and Chris - of course
Jordan and Tadd - that's just BS! And Jess's ass is safe.
Ryan and Ricky - good

Still predicting Ashley and Chris go.

Guest dance performance: Cedar Lake Contemporary Ballet. Wow, contemporary ballet is funky. Sasha could fit in there.

Ashley's solo is pretty standard, Chris's is a-freaking-mazing. Jordan's seemed short but she had loads of good extensions (like I know what I'm talking about). She's better when choreographed. Tadd's was a lot of tricks, but damn I love me some Tadd. Ryan was probably the best girl. Ricky's was pretty good, but kind of standard contemporary.

Guest musical performance: Florence + the Machine, which I watched the whole way through because her voice is incredible - and she sounded great live. YAY!

Bye-bye: Ashley and Chris. Booyah! I think Black Barbie could have been really good if she had a better partner, maybe he could have elevated her. Luck of the draw, baby.

SYTYCD: Performances

Cat's looking lovely again, with a cute ponytail and a gorgeous blue Asian-inspired mini-dress. Kisses.

Guest Judges: Carmen Electra and Travis Wall. Damn, no Travis routines tonight then. I look forward to his critiques - bet they're actually insightful and helpful.

The guys' group routine was a really great contemporary piece by a new choreographer. A very cool routine for the guys and they were all great - Marko in particular was really powerful.

1. Melanie and Marko - Jazz by Ray Leeper (who?). Their routine seemed to go on forever - maybe they're all longer this week since there are fewer dancers. It was the first time I thought Melanie was sexy. She's always good, but not really hot. It was a fun routine and they were great together.

2. Sasha and Alexander - Hip Hop by some other new dude (bonus: Asian!). I guess it's New Choreographer Night. That's probably a good thing. The routine was a smooth number and really good. Sasha is a-freaking-mazing and they partnered really well together. The judges mostly didn't like it.

3. Jordan and Tadd - Smooth Waltz by Toni Redpath (haven't seen her in a while!). It was a gorgeous routine and once again the girls kill it - Jordan was really good. They're a great pair too. Love me some Tadd.

4. Clarice and Jess - Contemporary by Justin Giles (same guy from the guys' routine). The routine had some cool, hard-hitting moves but felt hella short, especially compared to the other ones. It was definitely the best they've done. But I still hate him.

5. Ashley and Chris - Salsa by a Salsa chick. Seriously - it's New Choreographer Night! I like it! For once, I felt like I got some performance out of her, and that she wasn't just a Black Barbie. He was hella stiff though. Probably overall the weakest so far tonight.

6. Ryan and Ricky - Jazz by Some Dude Named Chucky. A Cooky Dude Named Chucky. I heart Chucky. The routine was this bizarre, 80s-looking thing, and their costumes were fugly, but they really sold it. They did really well in a routine that wasn't particularly amazing, just quirky.

7. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Contemporary by Mandy Moore. So much for the new blood, the cross-eyed bitch is back. The routine was actually really good and hard too - loads of lifts, crazy jumps, they were all over the stage and great ground work too. Mary loved it the most and she's probably right - it was emotional without being sad, it was more joyful. Loved it. Caitlynn's gorgeous.

Ray Leefer did the girls' Jazz routine that was sexy and cool. The girls were all synched-up, it was cool.

I think Ashley and Chris will be gone tomorrow. They should be anyway.

SYTYCD: Results

The group number is a terribly complex little routine choreographed by some unknown dude. It looked hard and was forgettable.

Cat's looking a mess, with whore eye-makeup, some pink thing in her hair, and some giant colorful bird Bedazzled on to her neck, like instead of a necklace it's a rhinestone tattoo. She even has some random braid in her hair. With Cat, it's either GORGEOUS or HOT MESS - no in-between - and tonight it's HOT MESS.

Bottom Three:

Ashley and Chris - his solo was pretty cool
Miranda and Robert - her solo was really good
Caitlynn and Mitchell - she was good and he was just alright

I'd send home Ashley and Mitchell. But I'm just pissed we still have Jess.

The guest dance performance was a couple where the dude was in a wheelchair. I tried not to gawk. Or laugh. Then we got another one (no musical guest! yay!) which was some super-strong dude and old-looking chick it was really acrobatic. Crazy partnering.

Bye-bye: Robert and Miranda. HOLY CRAP! They just got done saying she was the most improved girl! I'm fine with it though, I didn't love her. And he was usually more annoying than not, so that's fine too. They weren't gonna win. Peace out.

SYTYCD: Performances

Cat's looking fabulous with a wavy little faux-bob and a sparkly flapper dress. God, I'm in love. She looks AMAZING. At one point, when Nigel kissed Mary, Cat said it was like walking in on Mom and Dad. I love Cat so effing much.

Our Guest Judge is Kristin Chenoweth (who I normally can't stand, but Pushing Daisies redeemed her temporarily), plus we get Lil C. If he says "what not" one more time I'll kill him and what not.

Aside from the pair performances, there are 2 group performances. Tyce's half of the dancers did a typical Tyce routine - good but forgettable. The final Dee Caspary routine was much the same. On to the couples.

1. Sasha and Alexander - Contemporary by Dee Caspary. They danced in and around a piano and it was really good. Mostly because Sasha is just incredible to watch.

2. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Samba by Jean-Marc Généreux. Samba's all about the hips, and they were definitely killing it. Mitchell's giant bubble butt was distracting, but I really like Caitlynn.

3. Miranda and Robert - Broadway/Jazz/Who knows the difference by Tyce. It was the usual high-energy, corny Tyce routine. Robert always seems like he's more interested in how he looks than partnering. His face bothers me.

4. Melanie and Marko - Lyrical Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It's a best-friends-in-love routine. He's crying as it starts and they kiss halfway through it, so you know the 12-year-olds (including me) are going crazy for this. They make a really nice couple, despite the fact that her face is squishy and bothersome.

5. Ashley and Chris - Jazz by Sonya. It was well done, but I agree with Nigel when he said he didn't connect with it. There wasn't a lot of interesting performance there - technically it was cool and sharp, but something was lacking.

6. Clarice and Jess - Foxtrot by Jean-Marc Généreux. It was a non-special foxtrot. He nearly caved under her weight when he lifted her, so that was funny. But otherwise, it was good, but nothing fabulous stood out. The judges worshiped it. They're corny. Whatevs.

7. Ryan and Ricky - Contemporary by Sonya. It was a non-crazy Sonya - has she ever done anything like that before? I don't like it. I didn't feel any kind of emotional connection or performance from them. Boo. The judges creamed themselves over it. It must be a full moon.

8. Jordan and Tadd - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a little trifle of a routine, with one-night-stand connotations that are good for 12-years-olds. Tadd's awesome.

So mostly I'm bothered by Ryan and Jess and want them dead. Or gone. Whichever.

SYTYCD: Results

Tonight's episode was brought to you by Jet Blue and DirecTV, while I was en route to New York.

Cat makes some hangover joke that the 12 year olds in the audience hopefully don't get. She's looking amazing in a red dress.

The group number is utterly forgettable and everyone's dressed identically so you can't even tell who's who. Oh god - that was a Dave Scott routine? It sucked.

Bottom Three:

Wadi and Missy - Duh
Iveta and Nick - That's BS but at least we'll see his solo
Ryan and Ricky - Duh

The guest dance performance is Rage Crew - a gang of awesome kids we've seen 100 times but they're still good.

Wadi's bag o' tricks didn't astound me. I'm not sure that what Missy did is legally considered dancing. And Nick? Love. At this point the TV on the plane cut out which is perfect because screw Iveta. Ricky's solo was petty damn good and Ryan's was fine.

Without my trusty DVR, I had to sit through a lip-sync-tastic performance by LMFAO, but at least the dancers were Hok and his team of amazing Asians.

Bye-bye:
Iveta and Missy. YAY!!!! Wadi and Nick. BOO!!! I'm sad my white boy's gone, but Ricky's solo really was freaking good, so I'll allow it.

SYTYCD: Performances

So here we are, once again with 20 dancers. Let's see if the results are any different this time. Our Guest Judge is Debbie Reynolds. She has nothing to contribute to this show. I mean, I'm not gonna hate, the old bitch had some cute old-lady things to say, but nothing of substance. I should just be glad she kept it brief. Hella brief.

1. Ryan and Ricky - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was a weird routine, in that it felt less like dancing and more like striking poses. To me anyway. But it was Jazz set to Robert Palmer, so I guess that's what it was supposed to be. Ryan disturbs me because she looks 35, but I think she's only 18. She also appears to be 8 feet tall.

2. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Contemporary by Stacey Tookey - to "Turning Tables" by Adele. When I first heard that album I was like, there are 100 songs on this thing that will be used on SYTYCD. It was a really pretty routine - he hit her in the nose early on and so the blood on her nose was distracting, but kind of cool too, fitting the dramatic dance. I rewound this one to watch again.

3. Missy and Wadi - Cha Cha by Jean-Marc Généreux. Lots of Missy Vamping while B-Boy Wadi just kind of stood there. And I could tell that he was being lazy with his arms, and if I could tell, then you know it was bad.

4. Iveta and Nick - Bollywood by the Indian Dude. It was lightning-fast, a really hard routine. The kind where they got out of sync a couple times and you could really see the struggle on their faces. They looked like they were really working. They did really well, but if you looked at their faces you could see the concentration vs. just seeing the fun.

5. Miranda and Robert - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon - to some classic Busta Rhymes. He absolutely owned the routine. She looked like she was working, but she was good. He was just hella smooth.

6. Clarice and Jess - Contemporary by Stacey Tookey. Little Jess had to execute a lot of lifts. There's a struggle there. Clarice seems to be a lovely dancer, which you could really see when they were dancing separately, but Jess has zero charisma/appeal and so as partners they suck. Ugh.

7. Jordan and Tadd - Viennese Waltz by Jean-Marc Généreux. It was really lovely and wonderful!!! Just one of those delightful flowy dances, with some great lifts too. Tadd's a B-Boy and he was amazing!! He definitely put Wadi to shame. I knew one of my Asians was gonna be a sleeper this year!

8. Melanie and Marko - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was kind of a classic Jazz routine, with hats and everything. Marko lost his hat once, but got it back nicely. I think they make a nice pair and I really like how both of them dance.

9. Sasha and Alexander - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Another soldier-back-from-war piece. Oh, but this show loves to be topical, what with Obama's speech and all. Stop bringing up politics, I'm trying to enjoy dancing. Sasha is a really fierce dancer, and I look forward to her doing a lot more - and with a less-annoying partner. She was great and is a great actress. They made Debbie and Mary cry.

10. Ashley and Chris - Broadway by Spencer Liff. There are prison bars involved. He stood out to me more than she did, but damn can that girl kick. It was a good routine and they did well.

I'm traveling tomorrow, and if everything goes to plan I'll be watching the Results Show from my seat on Jet Blue.

SYTYCD: Results

The opening performance was an obvious Sonya and obviously amazing.

Mitchell's still sitting his injured ass in the audience.

Bottom 3:

Jordan and Tadd - Well, that's kind of bullcrap, but someone has to be in the bottom and they're all pretty damn good.

Clarice and Jess - There is a god!!! Thank you, Jesus.

Miranda and Robert - That's totally fair as well. So YAY! America rules tonight!

For the professional performance we got more crummy Russian folk dancing by some crummy Russian dude. Please die and bring on the hip hop!

Random Observation of the Night: Melanie's eyes are really close together.

Miranda was the only girl who tried in her solo, and Tadd killed in his.

In an unprecedented move, Nigel asks 2 boys to dance solos again: Mitchell and Robert. I don't see the point, since they dance the exact same things they did before. Hey Nigel, get a DVR and just rewind the damn thing! Seems like a pointless bit of "controversy" and stalling to me. Nigel continues to stall by going through the girls and then putting off that decision too. Jesus Christ, now I'm getting pissed off.

Bye-bye: No one.

OK, look, I like this show but that's effing retarded. There are too many people here already -- START CUTTING!!! So 4 people go home next week. STUPID. Not to mention, the show went long so the DVR cut it off.

I'm pissed, show. I'm pissed. And also lame.

SYTYCD: Performances

Guest Judge: Megan Mullally, which is random, but she danced a little back in the day and loves the show.

First Injury of the Season: Mitchell injured his elbow. Oh Jesus, they're already starting to drop? After last season, I expect this one to turn deadly.

1. Jordan and Tadd - African Jazz by Sean Cheesman. It was a typically quirky, high-energy routine and they partnered really well together.

2. Sasha and Alexander - Contemporary by Travis Wall. It was a typically amazing Travis Wall routine. Sasha has a really strong, commanding presence - she's a good actor. I loved it!

3. Clarice and Jess - Broadway by Tyce. Oh great. I hate Jess and I hate Broadway. It was just as I expected - fine, forgettable, and annoying. Jess + Showtunes = FML.

4. Ryan and Ricky - Lyrical Hip Hop by Christopher Scott, my New Favorite Choreographer. She's a white chick, so she was alright (and way too smiley), but I thought Ricky was hella smooth.

5. Caitlynn and Mitchell - Jazz by Sonya. Well, no wonder Mitchell was injured. Sonya's tough. So Robert from last season is back! YAY HOTTIE ROBERT!!! Caitlynn was really good - I like her a lot. And I know Robert was 1000 times better than Mitchell would have been. Cuz he's freaking HOT.

6. Miranda and Robert - Latin by Jason Gilkison. Oh god they're both annoying. It was a weird-ass routine. 60's vibe, pop music, but was supposed to be Latin. It looked like the damn jive. I don't know what it was, but I know it annoyed me. Ugh, Robert has a catch phrase. I officially hate him. Nigel wasn't as impressed as the other judges were either. Nigel's usually right.

7. Missy and Wadi - Jazz by Sean Cheeseman. I love Wadi but Missy's one of those "sexy" ones. It was a really fast, aggressive routine. I thought they were great together.

8. Melanie and Marko - Contemporary by Travis Wall. Wow, the routine was great and they are both really strong dancers. Probably my favorite pair!!! And I say this in spite of the highly literal statue costumes.

9. Ashley and Chris - Hip hop by Christopher Scott. I would have preferred it if they hadn't done the routine to "Forget You" - far too cheery and upbeat for me. It was pretty good. But I feel a bit betrayed by my New Favorite Choreographer. I want something harder! (TWSS) I foresee a controversy about the fact that it looked like Chris was emulating a school shooting. Seriously. Americans are that sensitive.

10. Iveta and Nick - Ballroom by Jason Gilkison. No. No No NO! That old bitch is gonna be paired with MY MAN!? And they're dancing Ballroom? NO! I just watched him the whole time, since I assumed she would be excellent (she's the Quickstep Champion or some crap). He was great! Maybe having the tap background helped with the quick footwork? But the fact that he handled the choreography was amazing. I guess I should like Iveta for not ruining him.

All in all, I'd like to say goodbye to Jess. Please.