Happy Faces of the Day

It's a rough weekend for my husband, as V and The Event have been canceled. AHAHAHAHAHAHA TheEventSucks.

V

So here's the thing: we didn't get to see the sonogram picture of the alien baby and that makes me bitter. But then Krycek is Elizabeth Mitchell's baby daddy! Motherlovin' Alex Krycek. So I got interested in the show again. But then I'm too tired and didn't pay enough attention. Blah blah blah. I'll still watch the show in case something cool happens but I'm over trying to follow it.

V Returns With Crappier CGI Than Ever

I am quickly getting over this show and its crappy, distracting CGI. Painted backgrounds, obvious green screen. Me no likey special effects on the small screen. HD does it no favors. You know what it looks like sometimes? The Sims, especially when they want to get fancy with camera movements on the alien ship. It looks like a goddamn crappy video game. I hate how fake the inside of the ship looks. I prefer the realism of a Battlestar Galactica.

Wow, I have a lot to bitch about, eh? It's hard to write something up on this show without picking on it. Cuz the rest of it is pretty disjointed.

Morris Chestnut's fiancee is pregnant with his half-alien baby and it's growing pretty quickly, already moving around and making her eat 3 omelets. And then when real food's not enough, the bitch almost snacks on a dead mouse in a mousetrap. LOL! Lizard babies crave dead mice!

The stabbed priest is repaired in a V healing center. He's injected with R6, their alien compound, which is essentially a method of tagging humans.

And Elizabeth Mitchell is still trying to get her dumb son back. She decides to recruit a wanted terrorist to help The Resistance.

Meanwhile, Alien Queen Anna decides to make an army of her own. The old-fashioned way. By doing it. Or the alien version of doing it - which is some weird quickie followed by her eating the dude.

V: The Not-That-Exciting-Winter-Finale

Our Resistance Group is 4 members strong, and looking to find a way to expose the truth about the Visitors to the world. Elizabeth Mitchell is suspicious of Hotass Morris Chestnut and what his deal is. She somehow pieces it together, just FBI-women's intuition, I guess. And Morris is all, I'm cool, no worries, and fills her in on the Fifth Column, the alien resistance.

Morris knows that the V's are up to no good with a healing injection they're offering to the world - it's not all vitamins and healing properties. He tracks down a scientist who used to work on the project and is an undercover V, but he commits suicide when they capture him. Burny, ashy suicide. But they get a lead on a warehouse where V's are mixing their concoction into flu vaccine! TIMELY! This is why I don't get a flu vaccine, people - it's all an alien conspiracy. I will not be taken down, aliens!!! Our rebels blow the warehouse up.

Meanwhile, the Visitors are trying to figure out how their sleeper agent was murdered on their own ship. Anna's bitter about it and tells the medical staff - look, I know it was one of you, and if the person doesn't come forward, I'll punish an innocent person. Joshua is the dude who actually did it, but his buddy takes the blame and Joshua has to carry out the sentence - skinning. Ew. It looks painful, but of course they don't show anything because A) it's gross and B) special effects are expensive.

Anna also has her hooks in Tyler - she knows he's Elizabeth Mitchell's son and would be a valuable asset. Also, Anna is Tyler's little blond girlfriend's mother. Those V's must age well, or give birth at the human equivalent of 9. She hooks him in by showing him the ship engine, and suddenly visions of hot, MILF-y, alien threesomes are dancing through the kid's head.

Scott Wolf is brought in to report on the healing centers and the amazing work the V's are doing, healing burns and making people walk and such. Morris Chestnut's fiancee goes to a healing center for her heart problem. Scott Wolf is told he'll get a fatal brain aneurysm or something in 6 months. The creepy V dude is all, "There's a long waiting list for healing, but we can work something out." These insidious bastards!

Oh and Anna did this weird thing called "Bliss" where she got naked and, like, communed with the ship and spread light and happiness to the V's. It's like she has them drugged or something.

In mini-finale, not-all-that-shocking ending news:

Morris Chestnut's fiancee is pregnant. I am eagerly awaiting a lizard baby!

A V shows up to the church and stabs the Priest in the gut.

And we get a nice shot of the massive fleet of alien ships across the universe, poised for invasion.

V

I might have a problem referring to the aliens as V's. V just makes me think of vagina. Just me? Also, maybe Elizabeth Mitchell doesn't wear too much makeup. Maybe it's just the fact that she's wearing ANY makeup that's throwing me off. I prefer her natural Lost look.

The Visitors have been granted visas to enter the United States. I just realized we have a Priest and an FBI Agent taking on aliens single-handedly. Did this Priest used to be a cop or something because he sure does love investigating. He's digging through files while Elizabeth Mitchell is out working for a living. She's assigned to help guard the V building after a death threat and protests. While she's there, she discovers a room where the V's are spying on humans - and finds that they have cameras hidden in the jackets worn by V's and the Hitler V Youth.

Then we have Hotass Morris Chestnut leading a hotass alien resistance. He's done this before - he talks about a group called The Fifth Column which fought V's in the past. And he's contacting John May, the leader of the old resistance. The Priest finds Chestnut's buddy Georgie in the files and they hook up - time to join these 2 resistance groups!!

There was also a cool, unexpected bit where Elizabeth Mitchell's not-dead alien partner is revived - and tells the V assigned to him about her and how she saw his true face. The partner wants him dead -- but then the V is all, "The Fifth Column says hi" and kills him, seeking Lizzie as an ally. Eff yeah! Fifth Column all the way!

V

So here's where things stand. Aliens (Visitors) have arrived, claiming to be peaceful and just needing some water. We found out they've been living among us for a while - disguised as human. Elizabeth Mitchell discovered that her FBI partner of 7 years was one after he tried to kill her and his skull peeled back to reveal his true lizard form.

Meanwhile, the Visitors are recruiting kids like the Hitler Youth, including Elizabeth Mitchell's son. And fine-ass Morris Chestnut is also a Visitor In Disguise, but a good one. He's in love with a human woman and he's from a renegade group of lizards who don't agree with the bad lizards.

Not too much happened this week. The FBI is investigating the "disappearance" of Elizabeth's Lizard Partner - and he gets reborn on the Mother Ship. The U.S. opened diplomatic relations with the Visitors. And Elizabeth Mitchell wears too much makeup on this show.

Mike's betting that the son's fat friend is the first one to be eaten. I really hope these Visitors still eat people.

V: You Should Watch It

Since I don't watch commercials, I totally didn't realize V was premiering yesterday. But it did. I had seen the pilot at Comic-Con, so of course I didn't need to watch it on network television like the common folk.

I think it has promise. I think Scott Wolf is funny. I think Elizabeth Mitchell is beautiful and awesome and kicks ass. And I look forward to more alien action.