28 September 2009


T Bag has a bloody eye and it's distracting. Like, one of those random things where the white in one eye is bloody and OMG it's so gross. I can't pay much attention to him. And he's the most interesting thing here.

Sylar's pretty interesting too, in the scenery chewing way that always made T Bag fun to watch. He taunts Matt from inside his mind, "helping" him solve crimes when really he just uses Matt's power against him, making him see things that aren't there. Matt ends up beating the crap out of a suspect for no reason, and now his life will be ruined. Wait - cops beat up people all the time and no one really cares. But Matt uses his powers to solve his problem - convincing his partner that he did the right thing. And that's how Sylar got Matt to use his powers.

T Bag tracks down Peter, but I didn't follow what happened, other than vague innuendos about power and family and crap like that. And then there was some new deaf chick who can see sounds. But I really don't know what the point of this was. So what - you see color emanating from a cello and you pick it up and start playing and then Peter follows the sound and smiles at you. Whoopdee doo. The point, please?

Line of the Night: "Your mother told me about your roommate Annie committing suicide." Nice opening line to your daughter. Oh holy crap, this show.

27 September 2009

Project Runway (aka Still Catching Up On The DVR)

It's the return of my favorite burn victim, Collier Strong. Mike and I love nothing more than doing impressions of Collier. Mostly impressions of him dipping his face into acid or spreading kerosene all over his face before lighting it on fire. The guy has bad skin, is what I'm saying.

Challenge: Designs inspired by movie genres, with the creation of some character backstory to go with them. I love how detailed some designers get with stories - Victorian vampire brides and ice queens who rule the universe.

Ra'mon hates his sci-fi design and starts over with 2 hours left. A lot of the designs are really gorgeous and/or cool. Ra'mon's is a hot reptilian mess, but probably better as a dress than as the bodysuit he had started with.

Loved: Carol Hannah's action adventure chick, Shirin's Western saloon girl, Althea's film noir, Epperson's Western denim dress, and Gordana's flapper-style period piece.

Winner: Nicholas and his sci-fi ice queen.

Bye-bye: Ra'mon. I'm kind of surprised because he was at least risky and ambitious. I thought for sure they'd boot Louise for being boring. How sad.

Top Chef

We lost Frenchie last week. Well thank god. The French are assholes.

Quickfire Challenge: food representing angels and devils. Like, something really bad for you paired with something good. Robin brings her cancer into the situation and wins. And Eli's enough of a douchebag to actually mock her for it and say it's why she won.

Penn & Teller are the guests for the Elimination Challenge: the chefs are assigned a classic dish to deconstruct. Ron can't really grasp the concept, and given that he kind of sucks anyway, I think it's his time to go. I'm starting to wonder if, instead of being foreign, he's mildly retarded. I can't tell. But I'm definitely not going to his restaurant now.

But most dishes end up being a bit of a disaster. A lot of them didn't really deconstruct so much as reinvent. I'm pretty sure The Other Old Chick thought fish and chips involved chips, not fries. Oy. And a lot of the stuff just looks like crap and apparently tastes the same way. It's a sad day when the best dish appears to be a Caesar salad. Actually, Ashley's pot roast and Kevin's chicken mole are big hits. Now I want pot roast. Too bad it's a hundred frickin' degrees here.

Winner: Kevin, the Brawny Paper Towel Guy. Love him.

Bye-bye: Ron and his retarded paella. He's a gentle giant, but a sucky chef.


Echo's assignment of the week is a long-term one. She marries Lee Adama, because Battlestar Galactica alumni gotta make a living somehow. But Lee isn't the client, Agent Helo is. Echo is partnered up with him as an undercover agent, marrying an arms dealer to bring him down.

I found the Dollhouse stuff much more interesting this week. The doctor is going nuts because she hasn't come to terms with the fact that she was/is an Active. "Designed by a sociopath in a sweater vest" LOL. There's a bunch of cool angsty stuff as Claire deals with the fact that Topher is pretty much her God and her creator. And she can't stand him, only I'm pretty sure they used to be involved or something and he designed her to disagree with him so no one would know. But I can't say I paid attention too well - he was in his underwear and there were innuendos about erections. That's distracting.

Echo's still getting echoes (heh) of her former real self and all of her other imprints. Former-Agent Helo becomes her Handler. Also Victor's scars are all healed up, pretty much just because DeWitt wants to bone him and is willing to spend money on fixing him up.

24 September 2009


Freak of the Week: Rural Pennsylvania. Oh no. I know a LOT of people in rural Pennsylvania. A utility worker is pulled underground by a hand sticking out of a corn field, and there's some blue slime involved.

The blue stuff is a paralytic, as Walter discovers when he gets some on his hand (and will therefore need help unzipping his fly to pee).

Turns out, this chick died in childbirth. Only the kid didn't die - it burrowed its way out of its grave and down deep underground. Only it wasn't a kid - it was a weird half-baby/half-scorpion or, as Walter calls it, a Super Baby. And the thing lives underground, paralyzing its prey, etc. Awesome. The thing even attacks Olivia at one point and she and Pacey have to fight it off.

We get to see more of the Alternative Universe Typewriter Communication Device. Evil!Charlie communicates with the other universe to let them know Olivia trusts him.

Also, Olivia has super hearing now, on occasion anyway. It's cool and freaky. And helpful in hearing things like hidden people breathing. Though at one point she shoots at Pacey instead. Oops. Good thing she's now a bad shot.

Walter didn't get any food cravings this week. But Pacey took him on a fishing trip and it made me awwww. Pacey loves him now and it makes me happy!

This Week's Code: MIRROR.

23 September 2009

The Babies Just Keep On Coming

Grey's Anatomy actress Ellen Pompeo and husband Chris Ivery have welcomed their first child, a girl, her rep tells Usmagazine.com exclusively.

"Her name is Stella Luna Pompeo Ivery," her rep tells Us. "She was born Sept. 15 in Los Angeles."

Stella Luna would be a great name for a restaurant. Oh wait. It already is.

22 September 2009

Celebrity Baby Given Totally Normal Name

Sarah Michelle Prinze and Freddie Prinze Jr. have welcomed their first child – a daughter.

Sarah Michelle and Freddie “welcomed their daughter Charlotte Grace Prinze on Saturday, Sept. 19,” a rep told People.

So pretty!!!

21 September 2009


YES! We start out with T Bag and now I remember why I'm looking forward to this once-beloved show once again. T Bag with eyeliner and black fingernails. THANK YOU!

Claire's in college... and stupid I guess. At least they let her keep her real hair, and she's still adorable with her dad. Lucky for Claire, her roommate kills herself. I always heard that when your roommate commits suicide you get an automatic 4.0. Claire re-enacts the suicide and gets caught regenerating by her new friend. Yep.

Hiro and Ando are running some kind of hero help line. You'll never guess who their first client is - a little girl with a cat stuck on top of a building. Crazy, right? I know! *eyeroll*

Peter's a paramedic. He has big arms and I'd swear his partner has a same-sex crush on him. This is the most exciting plot point of the episode.

Tracy Strauss is out killing people. I miss Niki.

Nathan is really Sylar and really tanned.

Hiro is dying. Of what? Dunno. He goes back in time 14 years and sees himself at a carnival. T Bag wants him to change the past for some reason. Hiro makes a small change that ends in Ando and Hiro's sister hooking up in the present. Now he suddenly thinks it's OK to go back in time and fix different things. Even though he started out the episode saying he shouldn't. Whatever, but I'm all for Ando getting some.

Sylar's still cracking me up at least. He's appearing in Matt's head (because he wants to know where his body is) and he's playing with him and hamming it up and it makes me laugh.

Project Runway

Somehow I actually avoided spoilers for Project Runway even though I'm watching it way late. Go me!

Challenge: Make an outfit out of newspaper. Boring. But no one reads the paper anymore - may as well wear it.

It's like a kids' art class from hell - decoupage, paper mache, basket-weaving, and lots of glue and paint.

Where is Michael Kors? I'm sure I already asked that but where the hell is MK and Nina Garcia?

Liked: A lot of them didn't look like paper. I liked Logan, Christopher's huge dress that looked like it was feathered, R'amon, Irina's coat, and Gordana.

Hated: Nicholas and his catty self and his ugly dress. Step off Johnny, ass.

Winner: Irina.

Bye-bye: Johnny. Oh how sad. He had potential. But he was a lazy little tattooed former addict, wasn't he? And I loved him. Plus, he lied about the iron screwing up his first dress... and he pissed off Tim Gunn in the process. DON'T PISS OFF TIM GUNN!

17 September 2009

Fringe is Back Halleluiah

OH MY GOD. It's back. My favorite show. Fringe. I couldn't love this show more if I tried. And, as always, it's a hard-ass show to explain. Here goes.

Freak of the Week: A shapeshifter. (Nice shout-out to The X-Files, playing on TV while the guy does his thing.) The shapeshifter came from Olivia's wrecked SUV, but Olivia is nowhere to be found. As Walter is examining the SUV, Olivia suddenly comes flying through the windshield and onto the road.

At the hospital, Olivia is pronounced brain dead. It's all quite sad, with Pacey drinking and Walter crying and self-medicating to cope. When Pacey shows up at her bedside to say goodbye, Olivia suddenly jolts to consciousness, speaking Greek (turns out she said something Pacey's mother used to say to him as a child: "Be a better man than your father"). Olivia's freaking out, knowing that she went somewhere and was supposed to do something, but not remembering what happened.

Fringe Division has been shut down, but there's this nosy little Agent Jessup who is happy to stick her nose in, help out the Bishops, and figure out what's going on.

So the shapeshifting dude is a soldier from the alternate universe. He heads to a typewriter, types things into it and gets responses from it... well, from a reflection of the typewriter in the alternate universe. The sentence may not make sense, but it's pretty cool. The spooky typewriter instructs him to interrogate and kill Olivia. He takes the form of Olivia's nurse and tries to kill her. Pacey, Jessup, and Charlie chase the nurse and Charlie shoots her. I immediately worry that maybe she shapeshifted into Charlie. Later I am proven correct, as "Charlie" dumps Charlie's body into a furnace. I am heartbroken. I love Charlie. I knew he was leaving, so I guess this can be a little cooler than him just dying in the first episode, but it's still heartbreaking.

The Fringe Division is going to be reopened, because Pacey hands over a piece of the alternate universe soldier's technology to the government. Pacey's ready to kick ass and fend off this army of soldiers trying to destroy our universe. I'm ready too.

Walter's Food of the Week: He's making a custard (for Peter's birthday)... whilst performing an autopsy... whilst eating a Twizzler. We also find out that Walter was once a sous chef who worked with the man who invented the Ho Ho. Now his food obsessions really make sense.

Walter's Lines of the Night: "His anus is soaking wet." And speaking of Olivia: "I want to see her face when she eats my pudding." Pacey's response: "That's disturbing."

This Week's Code: TOWER. I'm so glad they're still doing the code. It's geeky fun for me.

B&C Anchorman of the Week

Not sure what's funnier here: 1) anchorman drops the F-bomb, 2) anchorman uses F bomb in a context that makes ZERO sense, 3) anchorlady's reaction.

12 September 2009

Project Runway

Challenge: Design for their models. Which is different from every week how? Oh yeah because the girls have input and need something fabulous to wear for an important industry event. Also, they have one day.

I say, "Thank you, Mood!" with everyone every week. I'm sorry, I just do.

All the substitute judges this week suck. Where my Nina Garcia and Michael Kors be at?? I don't care about what these effers have to say.

Loved: Irina, Carol Hannah, Althea, and Christopher. I really liked Christopher's green dress, I was surprised it wasn't in the top. Well what do I know?

Hated: I didn't actually HATE any of them, but some were just meh. Even my boy Johnny wasn't great. But he definitely didn't suck the most, and was the most talented among the Bottom Three. He was safe, thank god.

Winner: Althea and her cute little suit thing.

Bye-bye: Qristyl. Yay. Take your bitchiness and your horridly-spelled name and leave.

B&C Comedian of the Week: Matt Damon

I am a huge fan of Matt Damon. Just because he's so damn funny. Lump Brad Pitt and George Clooney in with him and it's hysterical. I just randomly happened upon this quick segment with Matt and David Letterman about an unintentional prank the boys pulled on George. It's good times.

11 September 2009

Top Chef: Las Vegas

Quickfire Challenge: Make a dish with snails as the main protein. Ew. Snails. And this time, the loser goes home.

Three words: Candied Bacon Jam. Yes, I'm officially in love with Kevin/Paul Bunyan. My hero. And he ended up winning the Challenge too. He's the man. The bottom three people were given 20 minutes to whip up something - anything - to save themselves.

Bye-bye: Jesse. About time; she has overstayed her welcome, and we're only on like Week 3.

Elimination Challenge: French cooking for a lot of French names I didn't understand - including apparently the Greatest French Chef to Ever Walk Planet Earth or Any Other Planet. Lucky Kevin doesn't have to compete - he gets to eat with the Famous French People. Unlucky Kevin gets to eat things like frog legs and rabbit.

Winner: Bryan, from Frederick, Maryland, not exactly the Frenchiest place in the world.

Bye-bye part 2: Hector. Aw, poor Hector. I liked him. But his beef didn't cook correctly and it didn't rest enough. Smell you later, Hector.

09 September 2009

Baby News: Nooooooooo

"In the middle of night, the very early hours of September 9, 2009 Sparrow James Midnight Madden was born to Nicole Richie and Joel Madden. He weighs 7lbs 14oz. Nicole, Joel, [20-month-old daughter] Harlow and Sparrow are all doing well. Thank you for all of your good wishes."

Sparrow? Midnight? Why, God, why? And now their kids' names practically rhyme....

08 September 2009


If you need me, I'll be in Boston... in Walter Bishop's lab. And if you're any kind of good, decent, God-fearing American, you'll join me.

New Between Two Ferns

Because it's my duty to report when there's a new Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis... here's Zach and Charlize Theron.

07 September 2009

Welcome to Bizzaro World

This post is about gardening.

Yes, you're on the right blog. I gardened this weekend. I'm a gardener.

It was hot, humid, dirty, and gross, but I actually helped Mike outside instead of just lying around in air-conditioning. And it was kind of fun.

We bought an Earth Box and planted oregano, rosemary (I could live with the smell of rosemary forever and be happy), basil, and mint. The Earth Box is supposed to be idiot-proof -- we'll see. If it's successful, I'll want to plant tomatoes too.

We also planted a key lime tree. It's Mike's Big Experiment. But even if we get no limes, the tree smells great.

And we also added some blue-flowering ground cover in the back and some green lantern lights. This is how one prepares for winter in Florida!

06 September 2009

Project Runway

Challenge: Design a surfwear look. Ew. Boring. And it's a team challenge - teams of two. Well, at least we get subjected to fewer boring surfwear looks.

Not so fast - perhaps sensing how boring this challenge will be, halfway through their work, the designers are told to create a second look - an avant-garde design to correspond to their surfwear look.

The dude representing Garnier for this episode is named Philip Carreon. As in "Carry On". Love that - very fitting for Tim Gunn.

I can't stand Mitchell now. He's lazy and bitchy - and too lazy to be that bitchy. Qristyl was way annoying too - constantly bitching at Epperson.

I'm still all about Shirin and Johnny.

Winner: R'amon. Whatever, should have been Johnny.

Bye-bye: Mitchell. Doesn't pay to be lazy, sweetheart.


Look, I have a problem, okay? Sometimes I go to see bad movies because they're mindless, there are guns, and Gerard Butler has big arms. I know this is a problem. Most times I'm entertained. This time I wasn't.

The movie is a cross between Death Race and The Matrix (barely). And I was hoping that, like Death Race, it would be so-bad-it's-good, the kind of movie I always watch when I come across it on TV. No chance.

It just wasn't as fun as it could have been. It's almost like it wasn't corny and ridiculous enough. (But wait - that can't be it - there was actually a musical number!) I was bored, so I found myself actually thinking about the set-up, which is really pretty cool. In the future, there are these 2 real-life video games, where people control the players. One is with death row inmates killing other death row inmates, and the other is like a real-life Sims. The people being controlled are the dregs of society - poor, addicts, desperate, etc., while the controllers are rich and perverted. The concept is interesting, I think.

But the movie doesn't really concentrate on the whole ethical debate of the situation. The movie concentrates on guns, tits (Did you know girls have them? You will by the time you see this movie), and the kind of editing and directing that makes your head vibrate.

03 September 2009

Top Chef: Las Vegas

Quickfire Challenge: Make a dish out of potatoes. Oh this is my heaven. Me love potatoes. This is going to make me hungry.

Now I want potato soup. And some sweet potatoes. And a freaking mashed potato burger - OMG!

Elimination Challenge: Cooking for the military, using a military kitchen with industrial equipment - no burners? huh? - and lots of canned vegetables. They make a buttload of food.

A lot of these chefs this year are pricks. There might be 2 nice, sympathetic people in this bunch - Big Hector and the Haitian. Oh yeah and the Paul Bunyan Dude - Kevin.

Pasta salad? Preeti and the other chick made pasta salad? I make pasta salad. Just like that too - with the broccoli and the sundried tomatoes. Did they use bottled Italian dressing too?

I want the braised pork. Badly.

Winner: Michael and his awesome bacon thing. He took what was actually a huge slab of bacon and braised it, treating it like pork belly, and making a lettuce wrap with it. Yum. Between that and Kevin's braised pork it was pig heaven.

Bye-bye: Preeti and that damn, lame pasta salad. Tom really gave her holy hell about it too - LOVED THAT! The judges were uber-bitchy, just the way I like them.

Blast From The Past

Oh. My. God.

So I used to be obsessed with Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers, right? And waaaaay past when I should have been. And I was seriously in love with Tommy, the Green/White Ranger. Where is he now?
Check out these new promo pics of mixed martial artist Jason David Frank, best known as Tommy/Green/White Ranger from the hit series Mighty Morphin Power Rangers.

The 35-year-old has just signed on with Sucker Punch Entertainment with the hopes of becoming a UFC fighter.

“I was supposed to fight in 2007, but it fell through. In truth, I’ve wanted to put the work in until I’m ready,” JDF said in an interview with SPE. “I know I have a target on my back. Everyone is going to want to beat up the Green Ranger. But I am no Kimbo; I’ve been training for a very long time. I wanted to get in there before, but I got injured. But I’ll be ready when the time comes.”

I'm sorry - does that tattoo say "Jesus Didn't Tap"? Nice.


02 September 2009

Two Degrees From Funny Or Die

Check out this language-beyond-NSFW video starring Zachary Quinto and - much more importantly - written by my friend Karen's brother!!! It's great and vulgar and funny. Love it!!

The Guy's A Freakin Genius: MACGRUBER!

This will be the movie of 2010. I'm calling it now.