05 May 2013
Iron Man 3
Iron Man 3 had too much Paltrow. Actually, the punnier thing to say is that it had too much Pepper for my taste. She shouldn't be 2nd-billed and prominent on the damn poster either.
Now, I still mostly enjoyed the movie. A crappy Marvel movie is like a crappy cup of coffee -- it still isn't the worst thing ever and it still gets the job done. Does that analogy work? I'll like Marvel movies no matter what, but I should love them.
So what was wrong with Iron Man 3? Besides a certain blonde. My main problem is that Tony Stark doesn't have superpowers. Sure, he has cool technology and I'll even buy the super-convenient secret projects that are activated at just the right time. But he shouldn't have the ability to fight and slide down steel beams when he's not in his armor.
I just want a dark, alcoholic, womanizing, self-hating, tortured Tony Stark. Not one with a steady GF whom he calls "honey." Tony Stark shouldn't be calling a chick "honey" unless it's derogatory and dripping with sarcasm. (Clearly I need to find some fan fiction. And yes, it can be the kind where Tony Stark and Bruce Banner are banging. I'm all-in on that idea.)
But I guess a dark take on Tony Stark isn't going to work for Disney. So instead we basically get a shoot-em-up, high-tech action flick.
Also, without giving spoilers, I can't decide if the Mandarin thing is good or bad. On one hand, I like the concept, on the other hand I wanted him to be an awesome villain. The poop joke was bad, I know that much.
Long story short, it looks like I'm relying on Star Trek Into Darkness, Fast & Furious 6, and - most of all - Pacific Rim to make my summer.