09 July 2013
The Lone Ranger and Pacific Rim: A Study in Expectations
The Lone Ranger -- Lord help me, I only saw this movie because my husband wanted to. I heard it was crap, I expected it to be crap, and it was. It's just a disjointed mess. Johnny Depp is doing what he's done since Pirates of the Caribbean - wear a costume and have weird mannerisms. So that's no good. Jack Sparrow and Willy Wonka are much more interesting characters. Armie Hammer is adorable - and was great in The Social Network - but lord is he dull as dishwater. Who decided to try to make him a star? It's not happening. It's a "Western," it's a "comedy," I have no idea what it is. Boo.
Pacific Rim - Man, I have been living for this movie since Comic-Con last year. I had first heard about it 2 Comic-Cons ago and was excited at the combination of Guillermo del Toro and giant robots v. sea monsters. The movie isn't bad. But it's not the Movie of the Summer I was hoping for either.
Warning: If you're not into giant robots fighting giant sea monsters, there is NO REASON for you to see this movie. NONE. If you're into that kind of thing (and you should be), enjoy. Mostly.
Not surprisingly, the best parts involve the giant robots fighting the giant kaijus. You seriously get sucked into it, believe it can happen, root for both sides - it's great fun. The effects are perfect. Unfortunately, I was surprised at how absolutely horrid all the human parts of the movie are.
I love Charlie Hunnam. He's great on Sons of Anarchy. Or maybe he's just nice to look at. Because the man is as wooden as a tree in this movie. Holy Christ, I wanted to scream, "Show some personality!!!" the whole time. There's no Oscar-winning dialogue for sure, but you can make something out of it, can't you? Idris Elba did. He's the best part of the movie aside from the robots and monsters. He sold his corny lines. But every other actor stinks. Even Charlie Day - Jesus, man, tone it down. We don't need him shrieking when there are explosions and roars and LOUD NOISES everywhere. Take it down a notch, dude. I don't know what's worse - everyone else being wooden and dull or him being a spastic gerbil.
I felt more emotion during the robot v. kaiju fights than I did during any of the human interactions. I'll watch the movie again - definitely. Hell, I'm sure I'll own it on Blu Ray. But when I watch the human parts, I'll just be making fun of them. Develop some kind of drinking game maybe. I like drinking.
P.S. I love Gipsy Danger - that's my robot in the poster. Love him more than any of the humans, that's for sure.