Oh, how re-watching last week's episode brings me so much joy!
Jesse comes speeding in to a pop-up ER in a warehouse with Gus passed out in back and Mike gut-shot in the front seat. The doctor and staff only rush to assist Gus. Jesse has to bring Mike into the OR on his own. Mike's bleeding everywhere, but Gus pays the doctor's salary, so there you go. POOR MIKE SO HELP ME GOD NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO HIM!!!!
The doctor has a fridge fully stocked with blood for Mike, Jesse, and Gus, and knows everything about Jesse's health. Gus is all better, so he and Jesse leave; Mike has to stay behind for at least a week. So now it's time for Gus and Jesse to hike across the border together. AWESOME!!! Gus tells Jesse he can do the cook by himself now, and Jesse says that if he's going to do that, then Gus needs to let Walter walk away. Don't kill him, just pay him off and let him go. Gus says that won't work.
Walt's cooking under the supervision of Gus's man, wondering where everyone else is. Hank takes him out to spy on the chicken farm and mentions that he's heard rumors of a major cartel massacre in Mexico.
Ted's still being a major douche and refusing to pay the IRS. Skyler had used the Walter-gambling story to explain the money and the fear of government scrutiny. But Douche Ted suddenly develops a conscience and doesn't want to use Skyler's money. Because it's not enough -- he needs more so he can pay off his house, save himself from bankruptcy, etc., etc. I don't think Skyler's used to a man that actually stands up to her -- he won't do what she wants! She's just going to have to have his brakes cut or something. Ted's a dead man. Skyler calls Saul.
Gus pays a visit to Hector, the man whose evil bell-ringing haunts my dreams, and presents him with Don Eladio's necklace to let him know everybody's dead (including Hector's grandson, who was the guy Jesse shot). Gus rubs Hector's face in it, but Hector still won't look him in the eye.
When Walt picks Hank up for the next stakeout, Hank instead has him drive to an industrial laundry he wants to check out. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Instead of turning into the laundry, Walter turns his car into oncoming traffic. I totally called that he was going to do that - there was no other choice!
Saul sends Bill Burr to Ted's house (after making sure he doesn't own a gun or have a good alarm system) to convince him to write a check to the IRS. I'm worried we're going to have a Fargo-type situation where things go awry. And that's pretty much exactly what happens -- Ted goes running, trips on his rug, slams his head into his kitchen island, and dies (I'm assuming). It's still awesome though. At least the check's in the mail....
Back at the lab, Walter knows someone's been cooking while he's been out of commission for 4 days. And guess what -- Jesse's back with his girl and playing video games with her son! AWWWWW! It's so cute! I love it! Walter goes to see him there, pretty much begging for his life and saying that if Jesse agrees to cook on his own, Walt's a dead man. Jesse's pretty much like, F U, you wanted me in a barrel. He goes back into the house, and Gus's men hit Walter with a taser.
Now we're in the desert and Walter has a bag over his head. This show is driving me crazy with tension tonight!!! Gus shows up and fires him - tells him to stay away from the laundry and from Jesse. Walter, ever the asshole, says, "Stay away from Pinkman or else you'll do what?" OMG! He's going to keep challenging him!! Walter knows Gus won't kill him, because if he did then Jesse wouldn't cook for him. Gus didn't succeed in turning Jesse against him. OF COURSE HE DIDN'T - JESSE LOVES YOU, WALTER! Gus says Jesse will come around. LOL times a million. Then Gus says he'll kill Walter's wife, son, and infant daughter (I screamed incoherently at that) if Walter doesn't let Gus take care of the Hank situation.
Walter runs right to Saul to get the information on the guy who can save his family and get them new identities. Saul gives him the business card for a vacuum salesman. LOL again. Walter has to get his family ready before he makes the call, have half a million ready, and there's no turning back. He begs Saul to phone in an anonymous tip that there's a hit out on Hank. And then he heads to the crawl space to get the cash -- well, guess what -- there isn't enough. Because Skyler's fat ass gave it to Ted. This is the point at which Walter just effing loses it. Screams and cries until he laughs like a crazy person.
And if that's not enough, Marie calls Skyler to tell her that they got word that someone wants to kill Hank, and so agents are guarding their house. Walter is still laughing maniacally in the background. It's the scariest thing I've ever heard. And we end with a great shot of Walter on the floor of the crawl space, as viewed through the hole in the floor. It was really awesome how the shots were paced with the music and the phone ringing and the laughing and the INSANITY!
OH MY GOD - EVERYTHING IS SUCH A MESS!!! I LOVE IT!! Honestly, this episode would have been a great season finale. But that's what's so great about the show -- IT ISN'T! We're in for even more!