Top Chef All-Stars

Quickfire Challenge: Butcher fish with the quality and speed of the most famous fish butcher in NYC. Then the winners of that round have to make a dish using the head, bones, and assorted leftovers from said fish. *puke*

Winner: Dale. YES! So he gets immunity. He better have won -- he's apparently been cooking with fish heads since childhood.

Now it's time for RESTAURANT WARS!!! This time, the winning team will be decided 100% by the random diners. So clearly they should just send Fabio out to the front of the house -- he can take off his shirt, kiss some babies, speak with his accent, and get all the votes. They could serve Pop-Tarts and they'd win.

Dale had the most brilliant idea ever when he chose Marcel as the opposing team captain. Because Marcel is a Giant Asshole and not a good leader. Smart to get that team started off on a bad foot that way.

Dale's team made their menu much more accessible - everything looked fabulous. Again, that's smart -- you want the regular-people diners to like everything. People like me don't eat oxtail and lamb, but they do like to start their meal with a fresh bag of potato chips with fried herbs. The judges freaking worship their meal -- this doesn't bode well for the other team.

Tiffany sucks as Front of the House (it's cringe-worthy), but she was really probably the best option on a team of Marcel, Michael, Antonia, and Angelo. I mean, you need those guys cooking. But octopus? No thanks.

I was worried it was just the editing making Marcel's team look like a mess. But nope - they lose - only 17 out of 76 patrons chose them as the best. LOSERS! There's a pretty good fight between Marcel and Michael during the judging. Marcel gets thrown under the bus a lot, and rightly so.

Winner: Richard. Hey, it was his idea to have fresh potato chips on the table. He should have won for that alone.

Line of the Night: "Prison breaks are organized with more efficiency and teamwork." Guess which team Anthony Bourdain was speaking about there.

Bye-bye: Marcel. YAY! He's a major dick and I'm quite happy to see him go. The whole disaster was on his shoulders. And Dale masterminded the whole thing!!!! It's all part of the game!