25 April 2011

The Event

From the depths of Siberia comes... a mummy. And from the depths of that mummy comes... guts. It's all well-preserved and makes me want to puke. Who wants ribs? Seriously - looks like a goddamned Chili's in here!

Now to the White House and the Case of the Poisoned Splenda! It's kind of fun watching the VP sweat it out while the President makes his coffee. One sip and he starts speaking like that reporter after the Grammys, and then hits the ground.

Doctors say President Underwood suffered a stroke. The President tells Sterling that he could see something in the VP's eyes before he passed out - he doesn't trust him, and doesn't want him taking the Oath. Sterling sets out to try to prove the VP is a dick. Turns out, the VP is a dick AND a wuss - puking his guts out in the bathroom, feeling guilty.

Back in the Land of Suck, Leila's Daddy kills her big black bodyguard to prevent him from turning her in to Sophia. Wraps him in a trash bag and everything. And on the French Train of Suck, Sean Googles the name Leila gave him and determines it's the name of a ship docked in Siberia.... the ship where a dude's conducting his autopsy of that mummy, and is so inept that he slices his suit open, and is exposed to whatever the mummy's got.

Meanwhile, the President was speaking 3 seconds ago, but I guess a dude goes unconscious and they start talking about pulling the plug and invoking the 25th Amendment. Jesus, they move quickly.

Damn, but that European transportation is really convenient - Sean and Vicky are now in Siberia, boarding the ship like Somali pirates. They look into a cabin to see the crew dead. Good thing there are a couple biohazard suits available nearby! They suit up and check out all the dead people, all lying in blood and vomit. Whatever that mummy has, it's no good.

A lone survivor on the ship tells them that the mummy's lungs - containing Spanish Flu - have been removed, and are being brought to the U.S. by a courier.

Sterling and the Chief of Staff watch surveillance tapes, figure out the coffee was poisoned, but the coffee stain's already being removed from the carpet. Too bad for them, they don't have any proof and the 25th Amendment proceedings begin. And too bad for Sterling he didn't see the coffee stain on his cuff until after they were over. We've got a new President!

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