Project Runway

Challenge: Create a high-fashion look inspired by an exotic bird. Yawn. It's a Collier Strong challenge, and that burn victim is looking worse than ever!

It's a random pair challenge too: Anya and Laura (Raven), Joshua and Bert (Amazon Parrot), and Viktor and Kimberly (Cockatoo).

And, if those weren't enough twists, it's also a head-to-head challenge where the couples are just judged against each other. And the overall winner gets $20,000 and a L'Oreal advertorial.

Oh guess what - it's still not enough twists. They have to design a second high-fashion look. Seriously - enough with the elements.

Joshua wisely decides to scrap this fugly green and yellow dress he makes, but he unwisely decides to wear a chest-baring shirt.

Kimberly has a rough time - she's moving too slowly, she sews through her finger, there are random grease stains on her fabric. Cue the obligatory breakdown, as Kimberly recounts all the dead people in her life. Tim even hugs the poor depressed girl during her session with him - that's what Tim is there for, y'all! But the world continues to crap on Kimberly - she ruins one of her looks by throwing it onto a hot glue gun that burns a hole through it. Time to make a new look in 3 hours!

TWIST NUMBER FOUR HUNDRED AND FIVE: They only get to show 1 look on the runway. So now they have to murder one of their children, essentially. Project Runway's version of Sophie's Choice -- finally a twist I like. Kimberly sends down her "3-hour gown".

Kimberly's quickie dress is good, but I still like Viktor's better. The judges don't. They stink. Bert's is dull and I love Joshua's amazingly-tasteful orange dress. Seriously - Joshua + Parrot could have been a disaster. Anya's look is all-black and so unlike anything she's ever done -- and it's still fabulous. Laura's pants and jacket are decent enough but boring. The judges side with me on those 2.

Winner:  Anya.  Well, duh.  It was amazing and so different for her.  Too bad her models can't get in and out of her dresses without assistance.

Bye-bye:  Bert.  Well, duh.  I had his name typed in before they even announced the winner.  You overstayed your welcome, Debbie Downer.

Avengers Assemble!

NERDGASM!  Check out the first official teaser trailer for The Avengers!  Can't wait!  Hawkeye is my comic book movie boyfriend! Also, every trailer should feature a Nine Inch Nails song. Every trailer.

Breaking Bad

So here we are - Breaking Bad season finale time.  And I'm a big bundle of nerves!!!  This recap is likely to be a big jumble of CAPSLOCKOMG!

Walter runs to Gus's car to retrieve his bomb.  He puts it in his diaper bag (LOL! Love this show!) and meets with Jesse in the hospital.  The magnetic bomb gets stuck on the elevator door.  El. Oh. El.  The guys try to think about where they can plant the bomb.  Then the ABQ police show up.  OH GOD!  They're following up on the whole ricin thing.  You can't really drop that word and expect to get away with it....

Jesse uses the House/Discovery Channel defense - he just saw something about ricin and thought that could be it.  I knew he was going to drop the Discovery Channel!  Jesse loves him some cable television.  Better call Saul.

Walter wants to see Saul too, and drops by the office, by which I mean breaks in the office.  Saul's secretary won't give up his location unless Walter pays her $25,000.  "I'll be right back," he says, as he slips on the broken glass and whacks his head on the door.  Bryan Cranston: the king of physical comedy.

Walter goes home to retrieve his money, but first calls his neighbor and asks her to check on something in his house -- so she can be the first one to walk through the door in case it's booby-trapped, Home Alone-style.  Oh, Walter, you asshole.  A couple guys do come out of his backyard area, but his neighbor survives, and so Walter breaks into his own house and gets some crawlspace cash.  The 2 guys come into the house - who the hell are they? - but Walter gets out in time.

Line of Night from Saul, to Jesse:  "If I ever get anal polyps, I know what to name them."  Saul meets with Walter and tells him that Jesse told him about Gus visiting Hector in the old folks' home. Genius -- Walter can get that damn bell ringer to go along with his plan -- ring a bell and Gus is dead.  Walter visits Hector and offers him an opportunity for revenge.  OH SNAP!

Hector rings his bell to let the nurse know -- "NEED DEA". 

Hank continues to analyze the laundry pictures Gomey took.  Gomey comes to get Hank because Hector will only talk to Hank.  You know what this show is?  A massive chess game.  Just got to get all of the players in the right spot.  Hank comes down to the office and meets with Hector (along with everyone else in the office).  Waiting for Hector to spell out words is painful.  He spells out "SUCK MY" and then "FUC".  Love that scary old bastard. OK - so this was a distraction or something.  As Hector is loaded back onto his van, Tyrus is watching -- so now Gus will have to pay Hector a visit to see what's up!

Jesse is finally released from interrogation -- the tests on Brock came back negative for ricin.  OK, so that's good, only Jesse's ricin cigarette is still missing.  On his way out of the hospital, Jesse is tased and put in a minivan by Gus's guys. 

Back to the nursing home!  Tyrus comes into Hector's room and sweeps it for bugs.  Gus takes his usual calm, kickass walk inside.  OH CHRIST this show gives me indigestion.  Gus has a syringe ready for Hector because he's been talking to the DEA.  Hector finally looks Gus in the eye and then rings his bell repeatedly.  Even though I knew the explosion was coming, I screamed.  And then screamed again when Gus walks out of the room, seemingly unscathed.  But he's not -- he's like goddamn Two Face and half his face is blown off.  He straightens his tie aaaand now he's dead.  R.I.P. Gus.  That earns an Instant Rewind.  You know Gus had to go out like that!!!!!!!!!!  Like a champ!!

Now I'm just freaking out.  There's still time left.  Ricin: missing.  Jesse: kidnapped.  Mike: still in Mexico.  Those 2 guys: were in the Whites' house.

Now we're in the Super Lab and Jesse is cooking under the supervision of the guys that tased him.  OK, good -- they only kidnapped him to cook meth, not to do anything bad. :)  Walter comes in, blows the 2 dudes away, and tells Jesse that Gus is dead and they have work to do.  Time to blow up the Super Lab!  This is nearly as sad as when the RV got crushed.  (Seriously, R.I.P. RV.)  Badass.

So Brock wasn't poisoned by ricin, he likely ingested Lily of the Valley.  Now it's my turn to freak out, because I'm pretty sure that Walter is to blame -- when he was spinning his gun last week, it ended up pointing at a flowered plant.  Jesse:  "But Gus still had to go right?"  Walter: "Damn right."  My boys shake hands and part ways.  Walter calls Skyler and tells her he won.

We end with a shot of the Whites' pool area -- and the Lily of the Valley.  So that asshole really did poison that kid -- he did it (knowing the kid would survive, I hope) so that Jesse would suspect Gus so that Jesse would help Walter get rid of Gus.  Walter beat Gus at this chess match.

Loved the ending.  Everything is set up for a blank slate next season.  And I can't wait.

Real Steel

I screwed up the pancakes.  I screwed up the pancakes this morning and made a mess of the kitchen, and my punishment was to see Real Steel.  This will be every 8-to-12-year-old boy's favorite movie. This and that movie where Adam Sandler plays a guy and a girl. (I can't even bring myself to watch that trailer.)

If you're a blissfully ignorant (read: dumb) child you'll love it, but adults are another story. I can't be the only cynical adult who watches movies like this and thinks about how they're made. I mean, somewhere on a soundstage, Hugh Jackman was doing air punches and yelling and there was nothing around him but a crowd of extras. No pumping music in the background, no quick editing and slow-motion. Just a man, his tight tee shirt, and his air punches.

You want a movie with every cliche possible? You got it. Deadbeat dad reunited with his son: check. Precocious, over-caffeinated, wise-beyond-his-years kid: check.  (In the kid's defense, the actor was perfect for this part and made the role a nice mix of goofy and sentimental.  The kid's a riot and he has good chemistry with Hugh Jackman.) I bet you'd never guess that they come together in the end, that the dad learns from the kid. As an added bonus, you get boxing movie cliches too -- training montages, fight montages, counting-the-money-you're-winning montages (the movie is one big montage), slow-motion fights, screaming crowds, underdogs fighting against all odds, and proud trainers. And lots of air punches.

I could see how under the right (drunk) circumstances, one could enjoy this film. If you're on your own couch, you could air punch and shout right along. A guilty pleasure might involve watching this on HBO by yourself one day, drinking and air punching.  Maybe.  But if you're a conscious human being, you'll likely sit there and cringe at the whole thing.  Real Steel: it's cringe-tastic!

Fringe

Walter undergoes his monthly mental health evaluation, a condition of his release from the loony bin.  He also continues to see/hear Peter, and Joshua Jackson continues to have the Best/Easiest Job on Television.  Everybody else on this show plays 2 people, and he can't be bothered to play one.  Lucky bastard.  Elsewhere, Olivia is running facial recognition software on a sketch of Peter.

Freak of the Week:   Two boys are killed by some kind of creeping, vine-looking virus thing (but one tragically buck-toothed boy survives) and their bodies decompose at a crazy rate.  They also eventually burst and spread spores everywhere.  One busts open in containment in the lab, but the other busts open at the morgue, and the team has to don hazmat suits to walk around the fungus-infested room.

Walter has some sweet bonding moments with Bucky Bucktooth.  He needs his son back!  We learn that in this timeline, when Walter crossed over to steal the other Peter, Peter 2 drowned in the icy lake.  So no Observer intervention.

It turns out the surviving kid has some weird psychic connection to the fungus (which Walter names "Gus").  When the team tries to eradicate the fungus with UV light and flamethrowers, the kid's back at the lab, feverish and bothered by bright flashes of light.   Walter has to figure out how to disconnect their link before Gus continues to spread; it's some kind of weird emotional connection and Walter figures out the key to letting the kid know he's not alone, to letting the kid let go from Gus.  And just in time - because Gus started to infect Lincoln!  

Once Bucky is gone, Walter settles in for a little self-lobotomy.  What - LSD isn't good enough?  Olivia comes in before he hammers the long needle into his brain (though it's still inserted into his eye - ICK!).  Walter's worried that he's going insane and will be sent back to the asylum.  Olivia shows him her sketch of Peter and says she's been seeing him in her dreams for 3 weeks.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week:  He makes milkshakes for himself and the kid -- which they enjoy whilst wearing tinfoil hats, of course. He also craves a grape Popsicle after putting the kid in an ice bath.

This Week's Code: REBORN.

I miss my old team.  I want them all together and I want my old timeline back!!!  I still love the show because it's got all my favorite characters, but it still feels incomplete.  Be reborn already, Pacey!

Breaking Bad

So do we think the cancer will be back before the season ends next week? Walt's been coughing a lot lately; I really noticed it when rewatching last week's episode. It's been quiet on the cancer front for far too long.... Something tells me it'll come back as a central player next season.

The DEA pulls up to the White residence to pick them up for protective custody at Hank and Marie's -- Marie is freaking out and wants them all there with Hank. Walter refuses to go because he tells Skyler he's the target and they won't be safe with him there. He says his goodbyes to her and Holly, saying he has to face the consequences; he's dodged death long enough.

Walter sits poolside with a gun.

Hank thinks it's weird that the threat against him comes on the heels of his investigation of Gus. He convinces Gomez to go to the laundry and investigate. Gomez sweet-talks his way into the laundry facility to look around with a camera and a drug-sniffing dog. Crap. I'm freaking out the whole time -- I do NOT want them caught! And that's even before I see that Jesse's down there cooking. Shit. Gus calls down to let Jesse know what's going on, and that it's all Walter's fault. Still, Jesse won't accept Gus killing Walter. Good boy. Gus tells him there will be an "appropriate response." Only Gus could make those words sound scary as hell.

Gomez leaves with nothing but photos. Back to cooking. The operation is so paranoid at this point that Jesse doesn't park there - he parks out in the middle of nowhere and is transported to/from the laundry by a laundry truck. (Walter was transported in dirty laundry last week.) Jesse calls Walter but he doesn't pick up; then he checks his 6 voicemails from Saul.

Saul is packing up his office (by which I mean "shredding") and gives Jesse his money, plus mentions that Gus threatened to kill Walter's family. Jesse doesn't deal well with kids being threatened. Which leads to our next dilemma....

Jesse gets a call from his GF that her son is in the hospital. Suddenly I realize that Gus might have a different "appropriate response" in mind -- one that hits Jesse close to home. And you know what? That's not going to sit well with Jesse. But then when Jesse goes outside to smoke - he realizes his ricin cigarette is missing!!!!! Brock must have come into contact with it! Jesse would never forgive himself if Brock died because of that!! He runs back into the hospital to tell Andrea to let the doctors know that it's ricin, and then he heads to Walter's house. Walter's all paranoid and skittish. Jesse picks up the gun and aims it at Walt. I gasp. Jesse thinks Walter poisoned Brock!! He says there's no way Brock could have gotten it himself. But then there's no way Walter could have done it! OMG was it Gus!? He knew about the ricin!? YIKES!

This scene is intense as hell and Walter starts with the hysterical laughter again. He figures Gus wanted Jesse to think Walter did it so that Jesse would kill him himself. Walter freaking dares Jesse to kill him and I! AM! DYING!!! Walter gets a gun imprint in his forehead and everything. STOP KILLING ME, SHOW!

Of course Jesse doesn't do it, and now he wants vengeance against Gus. Walter won't let Jesse do it himself and insists on helping. Time to get the band back together! Hell. Yes. The next day, Jesse's still at the hospital (even though Andrea won't let him in to see Brock) and refuses to go into work. And Walter's in his kitchen cooking up something good!! It's a bomb!!!!!!!!! Yeah Science!!

Gus comes to the hospital to see Jesse. Parks his car in a garage. IS THAT BOMB READY YET!? At first Gus wants Jesse back to work immediately, but then Jesse tells Gus that he knows Brock was poisoned. Gus tells him they'll just dump the current, ruined batch and Jesse can return to work next week. He gives Jesse a reassuring pat on the back. It's the opposite of reassuring.

As Gus returns to his car, we see Walter spying from next door. Gus stops before reaching the car, clearly suspicious about something. Jesus Christ, they are prolonging this forever and I both hate them and love them for it!!!!!!! Can I use more exclamation points tonight!? Gus finally turns around and walks away from the car. Walter's bitter as hell, clearly exhausted and out of options. The end. CHRIST!!!

Only one more -- sadnessssssssss!!!

Please Make This Happen

On Sunday afternoon, Mitchell Hurwitz tossed a few more crumbs to the Arrested Development faithful at a New Yorker Festival event that reunited him with the show’s ensemble cast, telling the audience that a movie was still in the works, along with a new set of television episodes that would serve as a prelude to the film.
Asked by the event’s moderator, Nancy Franklin, for an update on the movie, Mr. Hurwitz said, “We’re 80 percent of the way to an answer,” which was understandably greeted by some laughter. Mr. Hurwitz went on to say that he and Ron Howard, the director and producer who was the Arrested Development narrator, “had been talking about this for ages and trying to get this going.” Mr. Hurwitz continued: “We don’t completely own the property, there are business people involved and studios and that kind of thing. Just creatively, I have been working on the screenplay for a long time and found that as time went by, there was so much more to the story. In fact, where everyone’s been for five years became a big part of the story. So in working on the screenplay, I found even if I just gave five minutes per character to that back story, we were halfway through the movie before the characters got together.”
So, Mr. Hurwitz said: “We’re trying to do a limited-run series into the movie.” After a wave of excited applause died down, he continued: “We’re basically hoping to do 9 or 10 episodes, with almost one character per episode.” 

This is amazing.  Please be on AMC or FX or somewhere where you can get away with stuff!!

source

Project Runway

I knew going in that someone really talented got booted, and that Tim Gunn was upset by it, so I'm guessing Bert and Joshua are safe....

Challenge: Design for the 70's-revival trend. Ugh, they just did that with the band - but now for women. And they're supposed to do sophisticated, not literal and retro.  Fine - I'll allow it.

During the shopping trip to Mood, Anya loses her money envelope. Jesus - there are cameras everywhere - no one saw anything? That's the biggest dagger on earth -- and if she goes home because of that, it sucks. Anya is able to use whatever the designers have left over - $11.50 and whatever extra fabric they can spare - and muslin. Time to make it work, girl!

Second Part of the Challenge: Design a second, one-piece look for $50.

I hated Kimberly's separates.  The jumper was really cute, but was sewn onto her model last-minute - no zipper.   Anthony Ryan used some crazy-ass awful-ass prints and his looks were fugly and I thought more 60's than 70's.  Nina said his girl looked like she was in a cult.  Zing!  (And accurate.)  Bert's hot pants were gross, but the top and his second dress were adorable.    Joshua's hot pink top with plaid pants made me vomit -- ugliest thing ever.  Anya and Viktor were both really good.  Laura's prints were really gross together; I liked her second look, but could see how it was boring. 

Winner: Anya.  Holy crap - and with virtually no money!  She rules!  Even if everything she makes is printed and flowy, it's always awesome.

Bye-bye: Anthony Ryan.  OK, so that sucks because I loved him, but these looks are fugly as hell, so it's not unwarranted.  Cult indeed.

50/50 and Moneyball

Never let it be said that I don't have ambition. This weekend, I achieved my goal of seeing 3 movies -- and saw them in a 24-hour period.



Of all of them, 50/50 might have been my favorite. I mean, Drive is awesome, but how can you not love a feel-good cancer comedy? It's really about the friendship of these 2 guys - but without being sentimental or false. I want Seth Rogen to be my BFF. He can even help me through cancer. It's a great movie -- legitimately funny and real -- never melodramatic or schmaltzy. It's wonderful. See it.



Moneyball was enjoyable but has one small flaw -- it's about baseball. And baseball is boring. And long. And even if it's about the baseball back office, it's still about baseball. Jonah Hill is great in it -- and it's your last chance to catch Fat Jonah Hill cuz now he's all freaky-skinny. But if you find baseball boring, you can wait for the DVD.

Fringe

In the Other Universe, a dude drills people in the back of the skull, kind of pulls out their memories, and makes them freeze from the inside-out. Our Universe is asked to find the killer's doppelganger (a professor/profiler who specializes in serial killers), bring him Over There, and see if he can lead them to... himself. The FBI tranquilizes the guy to transport him.

God, I love Fauxlivia's red hair and kickass pants and boots and bad attitude. Too bad she's such a bitch to My Olivia. Other Lincoln is by far superior to Our Lincoln, gun strapped to his leg and all, and he and Fauxlivia are soooo cute together. Too bad Charlie was off on his honeymoon with the Bug Lady. It's pretty amazing that these actors play 2 different yet identical people and make them look and feel so different -- too bad they'll never get Emmy love because the Emmys stink.

As Our Professor is looking through Their Killer's apartment, he sees a picture of his father. Well, that little charade didn't last long, did it? Who thought that was a good idea? The Other Universe has bad judgment. Aren't they going to have to kill him now?

Our Professor admits that he had creepy, violent tendencies as well (killed some animals in his youth), but got mentally-healthy because of a woman who took care of him as a child. He sneaks off because he knows where his doppelganger will be hiding, and tries to talk him down. Instead, The Killer drills him in the back of his skull and hooks their brains together (what else did you expect - this is Fringe) so he can pull out Our Professor's memories of the woman who helped him. The Killer ends up killing himself, and Our Professor is left without memories of the woman, or memories of the time he's been helping Fringe Division. Convenient.

Oh snap! Guess what? Other Broyles isn't dead!!!!! When Peter rewrote the timeline he's alive! YAYYYYY! The tight tee shirts are back!

Walter doesn't do much this episode, but he reenacts an 80's Memorex commercial, blasting Mozart to soothe himself and drown out Peter. This Walter is clearly even more off his rocker than ever, plus he's haunted by flashes and sounds of Peter. In his grand tradition of botching names, Walter calls Lincoln "Kennedy".

This Week's Code: LIMBUS. At first I thought I translated it wrong, but the internet is a beautiful thing. It's a Latin word meaning "edge, border," or "region on the border of Hell," and thus sometimes used in English for limbo. Nice.

Drive

Drive is the perfect mix of pretentious art-house noir and violence. It's so stylized that at times I swear it could be a musical. The score is great but it builds into these extended 80's-style songs (that I've never heard before, so not sure if they are actually 80's or just sound like it) that play over the movie. It sometimes seems like a legit musical.

But really it's a semi-action/car chase/gangster movie. There are these short bursts of incredible violence that punctuate an otherwise quiet film. It's the slowest burn ever. Just sit back for the first hour and enjoy the Los Angeles setting and Ryan Gosling in kickass driving gloves with a toothpick in his mouth. Without those bursts of violence -- again, they are short as hell but all the more powerful for it -- I do believe there would be very little sound in this film.

It's great though -- there's something to be said for a movie that doesn't overdo the action. In any other movie, the chase scenes would have been long and drawn out. Instead, they accentuate a very stylish, stylized movie. There's really no way to describe it other than "bursts", so I'll use that word for the 50th time. Drive is bursting with good time fun!

Project Runway

I totally slept on having last week's Project Runway to catch up on! Bad fan!

Challenge: Design looks for a scruffy, unsigned rock band (of men) to be featured in Rolling Stone. It's a team challenge with two teams of 4 so each team member designs for 1 band member -- 1. Olivier, Viktor, Kimberly, Joshua; 2. Bert, Anya, Laura, and Anthony. But even though it's a team challenge, it's not like they're sharing looks or have a leader or need to make a cohesive collection, so there aren't the same stresses that usually come with a team challenge.

The lengthy Garnier hair consultations are sooooo shoehorned in. The guys all have long hair, but let's be honest - they're all going to have the usual guys' hairstyle. No one's doing bouffants or braids. Wait - I take that back. Bert's dude got braids. Oy.

Olivier does a lot of whining about his client being fat. A lot. Everything's looking really blousy and ugly, but especially Olivier's. Oy. Instead of a runway, the band performs in each of their outfits.

The outfits are 60s/70s-looking, Halloween-costumey things; far too literal. They're largely fugly and really only Laura's and Viktor's are passable. Anya's and Kimberly's tops both crapped the bed in a big way. What a crappy challenge - design for scruffy, outdated, schlubby guys. Worst. Outfits. Ever. What really sucks is that someone's going to have to go home for this and if it's Anya or Kimberly I'll cry.

Winner: Viktor. Yay because I love him. But I thought that was waaaaay too much fringe.



Bye-Bye: Olivier. Thank GOD!! Because let's face it - he's lame and it was almost Kimberly and I would have DIED. She had the worst outfit, but she's always awesome. Outside of faux-70s menswear.

There is a God

Kevin Costner has dropped out of Quentin Tarantino’s upcoming spaghetti Western-cum-period-slavery-picture Django Unchained, EW has confirmed.

Breaking Bad

Oh, how re-watching last week's episode brings me so much joy!

Jesse comes speeding in to a pop-up ER in a warehouse with Gus passed out in back and Mike gut-shot in the front seat. The doctor and staff only rush to assist Gus. Jesse has to bring Mike into the OR on his own. Mike's bleeding everywhere, but Gus pays the doctor's salary, so there you go. POOR MIKE SO HELP ME GOD NOTHING CAN HAPPEN TO HIM!!!!

The doctor has a fridge fully stocked with blood for Mike, Jesse, and Gus, and knows everything about Jesse's health. Gus is all better, so he and Jesse leave; Mike has to stay behind for at least a week. So now it's time for Gus and Jesse to hike across the border together. AWESOME!!! Gus tells Jesse he can do the cook by himself now, and Jesse says that if he's going to do that, then Gus needs to let Walter walk away. Don't kill him, just pay him off and let him go. Gus says that won't work.

Walt's cooking under the supervision of Gus's man, wondering where everyone else is. Hank takes him out to spy on the chicken farm and mentions that he's heard rumors of a major cartel massacre in Mexico.

Ted's still being a major douche and refusing to pay the IRS. Skyler had used the Walter-gambling story to explain the money and the fear of government scrutiny. But Douche Ted suddenly develops a conscience and doesn't want to use Skyler's money. Because it's not enough -- he needs more so he can pay off his house, save himself from bankruptcy, etc., etc. I don't think Skyler's used to a man that actually stands up to her -- he won't do what she wants! She's just going to have to have his brakes cut or something. Ted's a dead man. Skyler calls Saul.

Gus pays a visit to Hector, the man whose evil bell-ringing haunts my dreams, and presents him with Don Eladio's necklace to let him know everybody's dead (including Hector's grandson, who was the guy Jesse shot). Gus rubs Hector's face in it, but Hector still won't look him in the eye.

When Walt picks Hank up for the next stakeout, Hank instead has him drive to an industrial laundry he wants to check out. NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Instead of turning into the laundry, Walter turns his car into oncoming traffic. I totally called that he was going to do that - there was no other choice!

Saul sends Bill Burr to Ted's house (after making sure he doesn't own a gun or have a good alarm system) to convince him to write a check to the IRS. I'm worried we're going to have a Fargo-type situation where things go awry. And that's pretty much exactly what happens -- Ted goes running, trips on his rug, slams his head into his kitchen island, and dies (I'm assuming). It's still awesome though. At least the check's in the mail....

Back at the lab, Walter knows someone's been cooking while he's been out of commission for 4 days. And guess what -- Jesse's back with his girl and playing video games with her son! AWWWWW! It's so cute! I love it! Walter goes to see him there, pretty much begging for his life and saying that if Jesse agrees to cook on his own, Walt's a dead man. Jesse's pretty much like, F U, you wanted me in a barrel. He goes back into the house, and Gus's men hit Walter with a taser.

Now we're in the desert and Walter has a bag over his head. This show is driving me crazy with tension tonight!!! Gus shows up and fires him - tells him to stay away from the laundry and from Jesse. Walter, ever the asshole, says, "Stay away from Pinkman or else you'll do what?" OMG! He's going to keep challenging him!! Walter knows Gus won't kill him, because if he did then Jesse wouldn't cook for him. Gus didn't succeed in turning Jesse against him. OF COURSE HE DIDN'T - JESSE LOVES YOU, WALTER! Gus says Jesse will come around. LOL times a million. Then Gus says he'll kill Walter's wife, son, and infant daughter (I screamed incoherently at that) if Walter doesn't let Gus take care of the Hank situation.

Walter runs right to Saul to get the information on the guy who can save his family and get them new identities. Saul gives him the business card for a vacuum salesman. LOL again. Walter has to get his family ready before he makes the call, have half a million ready, and there's no turning back. He begs Saul to phone in an anonymous tip that there's a hit out on Hank. And then he heads to the crawl space to get the cash -- well, guess what -- there isn't enough. Because Skyler's fat ass gave it to Ted. This is the point at which Walter just effing loses it. Screams and cries until he laughs like a crazy person.

And if that's not enough, Marie calls Skyler to tell her that they got word that someone wants to kill Hank, and so agents are guarding their house. Walter is still laughing maniacally in the background. It's the scariest thing I've ever heard. And we end with a great shot of Walter on the floor of the crawl space, as viewed through the hole in the floor. It was really awesome how the shots were paced with the music and the phone ringing and the laughing and the INSANITY!

OH MY GOD - EVERYTHING IS SUCH A MESS!!! I LOVE IT!! Honestly, this episode would have been a great season finale. But that's what's so great about the show -- IT ISN'T! We're in for even more!

Fringe

So the Universes have partially come together and our credits are yellow. We also have the kickass Lincoln Lee with hot-ass glasses and an Astrid who works in the field. And, every so often, a flash of Peter breaking through from wherever he is.

Our team gets introduced to Lincoln because his partner is killed under mysterious circumstances. Lincoln's all-in on the freaky secretive stuff and joins the team. Our Freak of the Week is a translucent dude who kills a bunch of people who have high levels of heavy metals in their blood so he can, I don't know, make himself not translucent? It's freaky and cool and pretty gross, but not explained.

So I guess the 2 Universes are really only joined in that one room. The 2 Olivias don't get along so well; they're awesomely bitchy with each other as they start to "work together" and exchange files. At the end, Olivia gets Lincoln clearance to enter the facility, where you can see one Universe's sky outside one window and the other's out the other.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: He eats popcorn while Astrid transmits video of a victim back to him in the lab. This is also when we have the Quote of the Episode: "I need to check her anus."

This Week's Code: APPEAR

This episode was a bit all over the place and odd, but I think it's fitting with the fact that they're resetting the show. And it should feel odd because something's missing -- Pacey!

Project Runway

Challenge: Menswear! And some of the men are pigs! But it's a fake-out! The men aren't the models -- their wives/girlfriends are -- and the men are collaborating with the designers. The fake-out was lame; what else makes this such a different challenge? We get to find out how much guys-we-don't-know know about chicks-we-don't-know? Who cares. A guy actually called his chick "a hot piece of tushie." Jesus Christ.

I hate real people -- as models and clients. They're obnoxious, chatty, think they know all about fashion, and think they're funny. Olivier's couple is particularly awful. It's not like the clients have anything on the line, other than their fat asses walking down the runway....

Viktor's look was perfection and really fit his quirky chick's look. Joshua's dress was amazing - and totally unadorned, which for him is a miracle. There's a case where the client was actually helpful - he wanted to put mirrored squares on the thing. Joshua stinks. Learn to edit! Anya's flowy dress was its usual gorgeous self.

Winner: Joshua! Fabulous - the back of that dress was really lovely and his girl looked great. I'm going to include a picture of Viktor's too just because it was so damn adorable.




Bye-bye: Bryce. His chick wanted the pink, so she got the pink. I didn't think it was awful, but it was between him and Anthony Ryan, so I'm cool.

This Has To Happen

Before it gets yanked again, check out Jesse Pinkman dropping by Dunder Mifflin. Love it.

YES!!

Margo Martindale and Peter Dinklage won Emmys!

And yes, OK, I'll freaking start watching Modern Family....

Breaking Bad

We now interrupt The Emmys to watch Breaking Bad. (Quick Emmy note: Did you see the video with Jesse Pinkman on The Office? It was amazing. Tomorrow I'm going to find the video, link to it, and watch it 600 times. I wish it were real. OK - found this link, but the sound sucks. Still worth it!!)

As is tradition, we re-watch the previous week's episode of Breaking Bad before watching the new one. God, that fight was amazing. Watching it for the first time, I was so afraid someone was going to pull out a gun - I just wouldn't put it past this show to do. And now watching it again, when things are less tense, GODDAMN I HATE WALTER WHITE!!! This man doesn't realize what he's done to Jesse. Remember innocent, goofy little screw-up dimebagger Jesse? With the messy hair and baggy clothes? Now we have this cold, haunted, dark skinhead version of Jesse who wears kickass black leather jackets. And Walter doesn't care. Jesse's reaching out to him for help, plus warning Walter about the imminent cartel war -- and Walter can only think of himself. He doesn't realize what he's made this kid do for him and how it has impacted him. He doesn't trust Jesse after Jesse killed Gale for him? Walter stinks and even if it means Jesse has to become a career criminal, I'm all for Mike being Jesse's New Daddy. At any rate, I'm glad Jesse got to take out all of this frustration on Walter, since I wasn't able to.

OK - on with this week's episode. Mike, Jesse, and Gus board a prop plane in the middle of nowhere and Gus is holding a gift-wrapped box. Seriously? If this were the series finale I would be sure it contained Walter's head.

Walter himself is MIA so Skyler presents Walter Jr. with his 16th birthday present - a car. And it's a PT Cruiser - OK, that's hysterical!!! After the Charger? Nice ride, Junior.

The Three Amigos are blindfolded and taken to a Super Lab in Mexico where Jesse has to be the main dude and teach the formula. Go Jesse! At first he's thrown (he says he gets a chemical from "the barrel with the bee on it" whereas they expect him to synthesize it). But then he's awesome -- lectures them on the cleanliness of their lab, bosses them around, it's brilliant. He's so badass and Mike is so proud!!!!!! Gus too! Once Jesse passes his Cooking Exam, the Cartel tells him he's staying with them in Mexico. Wha??

Walter Jr. swings by Walter's place and Walter answers the door the only way I like him to -- bloodied, and in his tighty whities. His cover story to Junior is that he was gambling and got in a fight, and begs him not to tell Skyler. He starts crying and says he made a mistake and I'm hoping it's not an act on his part (though I'll bet it is) and that he's finally upset over what he did with Jesse. Walter Junior puts his dad to bed and Walter's all mumbling and out of it and he CALLS HIM JESSE!!! I "awwwwwwwed" loudly. OK, so maybe he meant it after all. Now just say it to Jesse, asshole.

Meanwhile, Saul meets with Ted Beneke -- to notify him of a "dead great-aunt" who has left him "an inheritance" -- i.e., Skyler is giving this asshole Walter's money!! It's the right decision though I guess -- can't have the government poking around in your stuff when you're a White. But really? Dead relative? Wonder if that'll stick. But the best part? Saul gets to be all, "I told you so" to Skyler because he brings her Ted's credit report - hours after getting the money, he leased a Mercedes. Ha! Love it! Ted's a freaking dirtbag and Skyler's plan didn't work -- she better let him have it. Ted doesn't want to take Skyler's advice - he wants to fight the IRS and get his business going instead. I kind of love that her plan has fallen apart and she doesn't have any control over the situation. But then Skyler can't resist - she tells him that she gave him the money. UGH!

The Three Amigos hang out by Don Eladio's pool, the site of Gus's BF's death so many years ago. Gus hands over Jesse as the new cook, like he's a bride or a slave, and then presents the boss with his gift -- tequila. I should mention at this point that, while looking at the pool wistfully, Gus took a pill. Mike (my husband, not the character) immediately goes -- "he took an antidote." Tequila shots proceed to be passed around all the Cartel guys. And Jesse can't drink because he's in recovery. OMFG MIKE IS RIGHT!!!!!! After a bit, everyone starts collapsing and Mike strangles the security guy. Gus pukes and is a bit affected by the poison, but walks out with Jesse and Mike's assistance.

I love this. Love it. How does Gus continue to be so goddamn brilliant? He took out the Cartel!!!!!!!!!!! It took 20 years but he got revenge! Jesse and Mike load Gus into a car -- and then a dude opens fire. He hits Mike and I scream, and then Jesse takes his ass out. He shoots him 100 times like he's playing his goddamn video game. Mike's still alive, so that's good. And Jesse the hero drives them away. Jesse. The Motherlovin' Hero. Who needs Walter White? Jesse = the man. Holy crap.

That episode was amazing.

OK Fine

I'm going to start watching Modern Family. Just give me a few months or something.

No Wait I Love Her More

Aubrey Plaza: My dreamgirl.

Jesus

Is everyone wearing red at the Emmys tonight!?

Nina Dobrev Is Hotter Than You

Nice try. Oh God I hate this bitch. For absolutely no reason.

Wow

I don't watch The Vampire Diaries, but I might have to. New Girl Crush: Nina Dobrev. Holy crap.

The Emmys Are Tonight

Hey, so remember The Emmys last year? When I was all, "Who the eff is this Aaron Paul punk and why does Bryan Cranston keep winning awards?"



Yeah. 2010 Me stinks -- what an idiot.

Sorry Your Mom's Such a Bitch

Cute first name, but he's doomed to a life with this controlling C.

And baby makes two.

Mad Men star January Jones welcomed her first child on Tuesday, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.

Son Xander Dane Jones and the new mom are "doing great," the rep says.

Jones, 33, chose to keep the sex of her baby under wraps, remarking "it's going to be a surprise for me" during a June interview.

The actress announced the pregnancy in April. A source told PEOPLE at the time, "She’s really looking forward to this new chapter in her life as a single mom."

Breaking Bad

Another violence warning!! Eeeeee! The cold open is Walter dripping blood on the floor and reaching for his broken glasses.

It's cool to see Hank all jazzed up and happy again, singing "Eye of the Tiger" (badly) as Walter drives him to retrieve the GPS tracking device from Gus's car. Of course, the device only shows Gus going from home to work and back again. But Hank won't let it go - he's interested in the chicken farm now. Walter calls Mike to give him the tip that they'll be coming by soon, and Mike starts supervising the cleaning he does so well.

Walter sees Gus's guy following them into Hank's neighborhood -- and that badass Walt pulls up alongside the car, rolls the window down, and calls the cops on him!!! Then he bums a cigarette from Jesse outside the lab. Oh Jesus, Walter's on a hot streak, watch out.

The car wash business is going so well that Skyler tells Walter he doesn't have to work his second job anymore. Time to think about an exit strategy. (Yeah, bitch, he's all over that.) Ted stops by the car wash to tell Skyler he's being audited by the IRS - criminal division. She's in a panic because her name is all over his books, and she certainly can't afford getting wrapped up in an audit. She shows up to the audit with a ton of makeup and her fat tits hanging out. No one wants that, Skyler. She plays dumb, like she's a dumb bimbo twat accountant who uses Quicken (oh guess what - she is, that's not much of an act). So it appears Ted will be off the hook for the criminal charges, but he still owes a ton of money -- and he's driving around in a car as bad as Jesse's. I hope this bitch doesn't pay his bills.

As they're cleaning up the chicken farm, a sniper shoots a dude in the head right in front of Jesse. Mike tackles Jesse to get him out of the sniper's range. Then Gus walks his bad-as-shit ass out of the warehouse, walking toward the gunman, shots ringing out the whole time. He opens his arms wide, silently saying, "Come and get me bitches, I dare you!" (Jesse later calls it "Terminator shit" because Jesse rules.) The sniper leaves. Later, Gus gets a call and says, "Tell them the answer is Yes."

Mike and Jesse bring the dude's body to the lab, a/k/a Walter's House of Meth Cooking and Body Disposal. Mike tells Walter to quit with the calling cops on his guys - Mike is the MAN tonight!!

Jesse shows up to Gus's for a dinner date because he's had some questions, and Mike said they should just speak directly. Gus asks Jesse if he can cook Walter's formula. Jesse says no, and that if Gus kills Mr. White he'll have to kill him too. Gus says that's not what he asked....

So earlier we saw that Walter had a tracking device on his end table. He uses it to track Jesse -- so he knows he met with Gus. Jesse calls Walter over to his house, where Jesse tells him he's being sent to Mexico so that he can give the Cartel the formula and teach them how to cook it. Walter just sits there and listens as Jesse rambles on, then finally confronts him on his dinner date and the not-killing-Gus. They proceed to beat the crap out of each other. These 2 just need to do it already.

Jesse asks Walter if he can walk. "Then get the fuck out of here and never come back." That was intense and awesome. And I'm sure the whole formula thing is the truth too - even if Walter didn't buy it -- that the Cartel doesn't really want Walter dead, that they want the formula.

Next week: Mike and Jesse take their show on the road to Mexico!!

Breaking Bad

I think we can all agree that Breaking Bad is as perfect as television gets. And if you don't agree, then you likely haven't seen it. Get on that. There are very few things about this show that have ever rung false. But when rewatching last week's episode tonight, I realized we got one of those odd moments -- Gale was 34 years old. Yeah. Right. If he was 34, then I'm 15. I mean, some people go prematurely gray, but that man looks ollld. Rant over. (But seriously, Breaking Bad, what the hell? Thanks for just being near-perfect.)

We start off tonight with a violence warning!!! YESSSSSSS!

Walter's back at the hospital for a routine checkup, talking to a fellow cancer patient about how he has control over his life. Sure. God, I love little scenes like that that say so much about the kind of man Walter is - an out of control, panicking bastard who wants to pretend he's cool, calm, and collected.

The DEA and APB call Gus in and tell him his fingerprints were found at the scene of a drug-related homicide. Oh god, here we go. But Gus has his cover at the ready -- Gale was the recipient of a chemistry scholarship he had established. They were just getting reacquainted and had dinner, that's all. Hank drops the nugget that Gustavo Fring might not be his real name, that there's no evidence of him before the 1980's in Mexico. Gus covers that up by blaming the Chilean dictator. Smooth.

Saul drops cash off to Jesse's old GF, who has found a nice place to live for her and her son. Meanwhile, Skyler's hiding fat stacks of cash in those vacuum-packed bags, hidden amongst clothes.

Walter gives Hank a drive to Pollos, and Hank tells him that he thinks Gus is a major meth drug lord. Walter starts losing his shit, quietly, as you would expect. Hank asks Walter to put a GPS tracker on Gus's car. And at that moment, Mike pulls up in the parking lot. Pulls up, sees Walter talking to Hank, exchanges meaningful glances, and sits there. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Walter pretends to put the tracker on the car, but then goes into the restaurant and shows it to Gus. Gus tells him to go ahead and do it, and so he does. But Walter's in control of his life. Right.

Walter rushes to the lab and tells the camera all about Hank's suspicions, and pretty much begs Gus not to harm Hank. I love when Walter has one-sided conversations with the camera. Then he rushes to Jesse's house to get a progress report; he wants Gus to get got tonight. He tells Jesse that Hank's on to Gus, and if Gus goes down they'd go with him. He has a whole elaborate plan for how Jesse should demand to see Gus (of course he does). Then he sees a text from Mike that was talking about a meeting with Gus that got canceled. So now he knows that Jesse has seen Gus since the diner, is closer with Gus than he thought, and yet hasn't killed him as he was instructed. Jesse's not your little bitch boy anymore, Walter White!!!

Mike did some digging around and found out that Hank is doing this investigation on his own, that Gus isn't considered a suspect by real law enforcement. But he tells Gus he's concerned that the combination of the Cartel + Hank could be a perfect storm. Gus removes the GPS tracking device from his car and goes to visit the bell-ringing Uncle. (God, that man terrifies me like no other. At least there's no bell ringing tonight.)

Flashback to the 1980s when Gus and the other Pollo Hermano meet with the head of the Cartel, along with the Uncle. The Hermanos are cooking up more than just good chicken - they're cooking up the "drug of the future" - meth. Jesus, Gus really gave birth to the whole meth movement!

Anyway, Gus's partner does the cooking while Gus is the business guy. The head of the cartel wants to know - if he cooks, why do I need you? It's all so much like when Gus, Tuco, and everyone else wondered why they needed Jesse if Walter was the cook. Gus's partner assures everyone that he needs Gus, and then Gus's partner is shot in the head by the Uncle. And there's where our violence warning comes from, as he bleeds into the pool behind him. (That's it? I've seen way worse from this show - like, say, the season premiere. They raised those stakes, dammit!) We see Gus as a sniveling man, out of control, who is kept alive due to some past connection, and is told to stick with chicken. Interesting parallels with Walter there, as Walter tries to grow himself a big set of Gus Fring balls and become a drug kingpin of his own.

Attack the Block

Why do aliens always invade nice, white neighborhoods? Like those kids from Super 8 - nice, all-American, suburban white kids. What if instead aliens attacked the hood? That's what goes down in Attack the Block, which is a "Best Movie Ever."

Certainly the best aliens-attack-urban-youths-in-South-London movie ever made. It was great, and it was a legit alien invasion movie, not a spoof (though still funny). The kids were all adorably-badass - kind of like if the teens from The Wire had to save their housing project from aliens.

Definitely check it out if it comes to your area. Trust me, bruv!

The Debt

In my rating system, The Debt gets an "Awesome Movie." It's kind of a rare movie - not all drama, not all action, certainly no blockbuster. It's a thriller for grownups. It's a nice movie to transition from Summer to Fall, from the big over-the-top movies to something more serious but not terribly depressing.

It tells the story of Israeli agents taking down an evil Nazi doctor in the '60s and then also goes forward to present day (or 1997, at least). Helen Mirren is always great to watch. Jessica Chastain is in about 100 movies this summer alone (though this is the only one I've seen) -- I really like her too.

It's not like you have to run out and see the movie this second, but it's definitely worth watching and a satisfying thriller.

Project Runway

Challenge: Collaborate with art school kids to create an avant garde look inspired by the kids' artwork. The art kids are adorable (some quiet and shy, some won't shut up) and amazing artists.

Bert must be back on his meds because he's hella upbeat - for Bert. "It's a tough challenge and we're all doing the best we can." Cheerleader Bert is weird. Olivier glues his dress onto his model. Has he not heard of double-stick tape? Tim catches him and makes him take off the glue - it's cheating because it means his dress has construction problems. We might get tit on the runway!!

Kimberly's feathery look was very cool. Olivier's was lame, and even lamer - no tit. Bert made some horrid clown costume with giant high-waisted pants. Shudder. Laura's fluttery look was gorgeous. Josh C. made a trashy, rejected costume from Twilight. Anya's was crazy and amazing. I couldn't believe Kimberly and Anya were just in the middle.

Winner: Anthony Ryan. I thought his dress looked a little too glued-on, but I love him.



Bye-bye: Josh C. Yeah, it never works out when rejected contestants get a second chance. You were rejected for a reason.

Breaking Bad

Jesse uses a video game for shooting practice. Oh how innocent and sweet this little killer is. He also has visions of shooting Gale along with the zombies, but at least he's alone in his meth house. That kid is on his way to becoming a killer for a drug lord and 10 bucks says he kills Walter before the show's over. (The whole series, not this episode.)

Skyler made arrangements with the car dealership to take the Challenger back, and instructs Walter to do so. Of course she did. Instead, he takes it to an empty parking lot to do insane donuts and pretend he's a stunt driver. And then he lights the thing on fire and blows it up. Ol' "rebellious" Walt. Gotta love the asshole.

At this point on Sunday, my power went out and I cursed God's existence. Now to finish watching courtesy of Amazon....

Walter visits Saul who gets him out of trouble for the destruction of property. It's gonna set him back $52,000, not to mention the cost of the car. This giant idiot. Saul has a lot of audio tapes in his safe and that makes me laugh - gotta wonder what kind of conversations he has saved up and why. Walter asks Saul to find a hitman to get Gus. Saul suggests Craigslist, but then says that Jesse can get near Gus.

Walter visits Jesse, who is painting the living room, finishing the former meth house's conversion. Walter's suspicious about (and likely insane with jealousy/paranoia over) Gus seeing something in Jesse. He does the patented Walter White Manipulation on Jesse, bringing up the whole past with Gus, the death of his girlfriend's brother, etc. "Is it possible he'd think you're that weak-willed?" Jesus Christ, Walter is cruel. Jesse tells him to drop the sales pitch, that he'll kill Gus the first chance he gets.

Walter supplies Jesse with Ricin to slip into Gus's food or drink. Jesse hides it in a cigarette, and now I have to be nervous every time he sees Gus. He's going to get caught with it, he just isn't that good.... Wonder if he'll go through with it - or if he'll accidentally smoke it.

Under Skyler's management, the car wash rocks an awesome 80's soundtrack. Walter brings in $274,000 in cash with the Coke Zero. Waaaahhhh, it's too much for Skyler to launder through the car wash, waaaahhh. Oh, looks like some fat bitch is over her head. She stinks.

Hank is walking with a walker, and he and Walter Jr. take their crippled asses to a Pollos for lunch. Gus comes to greet them and even offers Junior a job. Ha! That would be hilarious - Junior working the legitimate side of the business. Gus grabs Hank a refill, and Hank grabs the cup for fingerprints. SHIT! I sooo don't want Gus to get caught!

It's Meeting Day at the chicken farm. Gus v. The Cartel. There are TONS of security dudes around. Jesse brings the requisite veggie platter, and Mike also gives him a gun - for emergencies only. The Cartel turns out to be one dude who is the spokesperson for the group. Gus offers him 50 million dollars to conclude all business. But the Cartel wants something else, and we're left hanging.

Jesse goes back to his rehab group meeting, and tells them he's 4 days sober. Yay! He also tells the group that he killed Gale, but by saying he killed a problem dog. Long story short, Aaron Paul earns his second Emmy. The group leader doesn't want people judging Jesse for his actions, but Jesse says there are some things you just shouldn't "accept". Throws it back in his face about running over his own kid and everything. I pretty much just sat there in stunned silence. Oh, self-loathing Jesse, you are painful to watch.

Hank's back at work, walking with a cane. He linked the writing on Gale's Pollo bag with a model number for a huge air filter, the air filter to Pollos... and Gus's fingerprints to Gale's apartment. Holy Jesus. It's all coming down, son!!!!!

Project Runway

Challenge: Run around a track and the top 4 runners become the captains of teams of 3 to design 3 looks to go with Heidi Klum's sneakers. But not before Cecilia and her whiny face quit. Bye-bye, pissy bitch.

It's pretty great watching designers run. They look ridiculous, and Olivier falls halfway through and has a panic attack during medical treatment. Jesus Christ, people, keep living up to stereotypes.

The teams break down like this:

Joshua - Anya and Becky
Bryce - Kimberly and Danielle
Anthony Ryan - Laura and Bert
Viktor - Olivier. Since the quitter quit, Viktor gets to choose an ousted contestant to come back and join the competition. My bald Joshua is coming back!

The teams generally struggle and Bert is his usual Debbie Downer self. Joshua calls Becky's design aesthetic dowdy and she walks out of the workroom and bawls her eyes out in the bathroom. You see, the designers have to work through the night - til 4 AM - so things are even testier than normal. Bert is so. damn. bitchy!

Viktor's look is amazing, and his team's collection is the best. Bryce's dress is hella cute. Anthony Ryan and Laura's looks are red-hot messes, but Bert's wasn't nearly as bad. Joshua's team's looks were ugly, but not disasters. On the whole, there's not much to love.

There's loads of bitching on the runway, especially between Bert and Anthony Ryan. Anthony Ryan has a lot of damn nerve -- his outfit is fugly as hell. If it looked great, he'd have more room to criticize Bert's. His drape-y shorts gave his model cameltoe and camelbutt. Bert is downright joyful when the judges say his is the best of the team's and slam Laura and Anthony Ryan.

Winner: Viktor. Yay! I love him and that look was awesome. Joshua's named a winner too, but mostly for Anya's maxi dress. Which he ruined by putting that stripe down the middle. Blech.





Bye-bye: Danielle. It came down to her and Anthony Ryan, but they booted her because he at least showed promise in the past. I think that's BS. I mean, I love me some Anthony Ryan, but if the producers/judges had balls, they would have kicked him out. Heh. Balls. Unintentional pun about Anthony Ryan and his testicular cancer.

The Challenge: Rivals

There's not a whole hell of a lot to say about a Final Challenge episode. No drinking, no sex, no fights, just physical competition. And lame stuff, like shoveling dirt. Though it IS fun to watch Jenn cry and then get pissed and want to quit.

They threw in a food thing this year which is pretty brilliant. After doing all that hard, hot work, they have to eat everything on a table. TIME FOR PUKE!!!!! Wes in particular has some spectacular puke, because he's been heaving all day anyway.

I thought the puke would be the grossest part, but Wes develops some kind of growth behind his knee. I don't know what's going on, but Kenny actually picks his huge ass up and carries Wes up a mountain.

This Final Challenge is an overnight challenge, and Jenn and Mandi get disqualified because they don't make it to the checkpoint in time. There's a lot of midnight puking as the pairs have to take turns sleeping.

It's morning and time for another hike up a rocky mountain to find a key and unlock a trophy at the finish line. Mike quits because he's too sick to continue, and realizes he and Leroy have no shot anyway. TJ's not hard enough on him. Pussy.

Winners: Johnny and Tyler and Evelyn and Paula. Go Key West.

Jesus Christ - Stop Procreating!

Jennifer Garner and Ben Affleck are getting ready for another baby!

The couple, who are parents to two daughters – Violet, 5½, and Seraphina, 2½ – are "thrilled" to be expecting their third child, they confirm to the Associated Press.

Garner and Affleck, both 39, have each spoken of being hands-on parents.

Actually, I'm all for this. They seem like awesome parents and their kids are cute and have good names. Just please don't split up....

Breaking Bad

We open like we did a couple weeks ago, with the interior of a Pollos Hermanos truck. This time it's not Mike, but two armed guys inside. They're ambushed again, but instead of being shot up, exhaust fumes are fed into the back of the truck until they die. The ambushers know just what they're looking for - the marked batter bucket that contains the meth.

When we last left Walter, he couldn't keep his whore mouth shut. Now it's the next day, and Skyler has done her research on Gale while Walter was passed out. Walter wants to treat the meth business and home life as "church and state," but of course that's not going to be good enough for Skyler. She's worried that he wants to be caught, and she reiterates that they need to go to the police if he's in danger. Walter awesomely puts her in her place, tells her to STFU, and says that HE'S the danger, that he's the one who knocks on doors. Oh god, he's such a phony, emasculated, condescending prick; I love it. When Walter gets out of the shower, Skyler's gone. She stays gone overnight too, and the next day Walter's out with Junior and buys him a car. A brand new sportscar. Because of course Walter wants to prove himself to be the man in his son's eyes. Bastard.

Jesse's still working his second job with Mike, which tonight involves keeping him company at a diner. Jesse's got some withdrawal symptoms going on, so Mike nicely shares his dinner. OMG, these two, seriously - love it! Forget that Gucci Zen rehab - the Mike method is going to stick!!

Walter is sooo hot and bothered over Jesse's new standing in the company. He just wants subservient Jesse back so - once again - he can feel like The Man. He tells Jesse that he thinks the whole thing is a setup by Gus, that he's trying to drive a wedge between them. Goddammit, man, let Jesse feel good for 10 seconds!

In the lab, the phone rings. It's for Jesse. He's called out on assignment and Walter's left to clean up. Walter tries to get some laundry ladies to come downstairs to help him. They initially don't want to, because I'm sure they're told never to go downstairs, but he convinces them/bribes them to do it. So he freaking pours himself a cup of coffee, toasts the camera, and lets the ladies do the work. Jesus, this whole thing is one giant chess match. I love it.

Gus rewards the ladies with a bus trip back to Honduras.

Mike and Jesse are watching a house that's suspected of holding stolen meth. Jesse's not one to just wait around, so he goes to the house "looking to buy." It doesn't work, so back to Mike's original plan - 90% of the job is waiting. But no, Jesse's still not satisfied and he's gonna get those guys to come out - "I know meth heads." He gets the shovel from the trunk and starts digging in their yard. A junkie comes out to see what he's doing. "Digging." Jesse uses his Meth Whisperer skills and gets the junkie to take over the digging. Once inside the house, Jesse has a bit of a standoff with another unstable, gun-toting meth head (Dewey Crowe!), but knocks him out with a bong. He and Mike find a Pollos batter bucket and there's a message written in Spanish - "Are you ready to talk?"

Gus stops by where Mike and Jesse are having another romantic dinner. Jesse goes outside so the big boys can talk. Mike wants to hire 10-15 guys to hit back hard, but Gus wants a Cold War. He's willing to set up a meeting. When he leaves, he tells Jesse he heard he's been doing well. And says that he sees things in people, when Jesse asks, "Why me?"

While Skyler was out, she visited the Four Corners and threw a coin, which landed in Colorado twice. But she kicked it over into New Mexico and returns home. She wants the car gone, because of course it doesn't fit in with their story. "Someone has to protect this family from the man who protects this family." BURN. This bitch is officially Carmela Soprano.

30 Minutes or Less

30 Minutes or Less gets an "I've Seen Worse" rating from me. Which means, "I've Seen Funnier." With a cast featuring Danny McBride, Nick Swardson, and Aziz Ansari, it should have been the funniest movie ever. It's not awful, but something just failed in the execution. Now, it could be the subject matter. I mean, strapping a bomb to a pizza guy and forcing him to rob a bank is something that actually happened, and ended badly. So it's hard from the beginning for me to buy this as a comedy. But action/crime/comedies have worked before - I'm thinking of Pineapple Express. This wasn't as good as that. But I could watch Danny McBride and Aziz Ansari read the phone book and I'd be amused, so I've seen worse.

It's not an awful movie. It's not a total waste of time. And if it's 100 degrees outside, it's not a bad idea. Ringing endorsement!

The Challenge: Rivals

When we last left CT, he was beginning to rage out. Unfortunately, he didn't crack Johnny across the face. CT's just standing up for Adam, because they'll always have Paris.

The Jungle: It's CT and Adam vs. Johnny and Tyler in a thing that's hard to explain. But it has elements of football/rugby, so CT's about to crack some heads. He rocks Tyler and it's awesome. It's super-close and CT ends up carrying Adam across the finish by his shorts. Unfortunately, not in time.

Bye-bye: CT and Adam. Because Adam screwed up. Bummer. Wow, they really edited this well, because I'm actually sad for those dudes, and normally who gives a crap. They're making it out like it's the most devastating loss of all time. Maybe it is. But I'm not buying that Johnny and Tyler are in love and some kind of unstoppable force.

The Final Challenge is taking place in Patagonia. I thought that was a brand of backpack or something. Hiking gear, something like that? It's gorgeous, whatever it is, all green and mountains and lakes.

Wes continues his crusade against Cara Maria. She dares him to make her cry. Oh, sweetie, no. I'm surprised it doesn't happen, and she actually stands up for herself. It's not hard to counter Wes's "you're immature" argument when the man poured Coke all over your head. Pot, kettle, Wes.

It's the morning of the Final and Tyler and Jenn have food poisoning. Tyler's is worse, and he decides to compete against doctor's orders. Dumbass.

And so the Final begins. It's pretty hysterical how bad Jenn and Mandi are at kayaking. Like, so bad. But then Wes and Kenny are in their kayak backwards, so they're not much better.

To be continued, of course.

Project Runway

Challenge: Design a day-to-evening look for Nina Garcia. Oh snap - I want one of these guys to cry. She's a little picky during the sketch consultations, but no tears. Damn.

Anthony Ryan and Becky choose the same patterned fabric. Fabric Showdown!! When Nina comes through the workroom, it's the Nina I love - picky as hell, freaking out the designers and putting doubts in their minds. "Do we have a Plan B?" "Are there any other textiles?" AHAHAHAHA! There's a ton of last minute work, designers helping other designers, and gluing. Gluing is never good.

Joshua's dress doesn't at all look like something Nina would wear. Ick. I loved Anthony Ryan's and Kimberly's looks. Danielle's and Cecilia's were godawful. Anya's jumpsuit was wonderful. Julie was colorblocking like it was the 90s; that housecoat was ugly as hell. Bryce can't execute an idea well to save his life. Viktor's black dress was structured and gorgeous, but it was just a safe-ish black dress. The judges end up being fine with that so YAY - I love Viktor.

Winner: Kimberly. Yay! That gold top was perfection and soooo Nina!! And when they show Nina wearing it later, it's absolutely fabulous.



Bye-bye: Julie. Yeah, that was overdue and we're only a couple weeks in. Didn't see much improvement on the horizon. Look at this picture - even the model looks depressed about having to wear this.

I Heart Andy Dwyer

And these are just some of the reasons why....

These Two Are Awesome

They're probably my favorite so-odd-it's-perfect couple of all time. Mazel tov.

David Cross and his longtime girlfriend, Amber Tamblyn, are engaged to be married, her rep confirms to PEOPLE.

The actress, 28 – who starred in General Hospital and Joan of Arcadia before moving on to the big screen in the 2005 hit The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants – recently returned to TV with a role on House.

Cross, 47, is perhaps best known for his outrageousness on the 2003-06 cult sitcom Arrested Development. Talk of a feature movie based on the show has long been circulating. Currently, he stars in the British-American comedy TV series The Increasingly Poor Decisions of Todd Margaret.

Breaking Bad

Walter and his Aztec are on a frantic mission - find Jesse Pinkman. He drives to a Pollos (with his gun) and demands to see Gus. As he waits in his rapidly-increasing state of paranoia, he gets a call from Mike, who says he's got Jesse for the day, and that Walter needs to get back to work.

It's nice to see that Jesse's still got an ounce of self-preservation left, as he seems scared about what Mike has in store and has a plan for self-defense that involves his keys. But when they arrive at their destination, and Mike pulls a shovel out of the trunk, it's not to kill Jesse. Instead, Mike goes out into the desert and digs up a bag of money. Then he tells Jesse that they have to do this 6 more times today, so get in the car.

Jesse's eager to fill the role of guard while Mike gets the money from the hideouts. It's at this point that I wonder if it's a test, like to see how far gone Jesse is. He doesn't seem to be having withdrawal symptoms, so that's good. Whatever the reason, Mike's learning what it's like to be trapped in a car with Jesse all day. And it's hysterical. My favorite kind of Jesse - Bored Jesse - is back!

Then I wonder if the real point of the whole exercise is Walter, back at the lab working. A test to see if he can cook by himself, or even just to toy with him and make him even more paranoid about what could happen to Jesse. Walter is able to cook alone, but it looks hard and he finishes just in time to buy the car wash with Skyler. Buying car washes makes Skyler horny; their reconciliation is consummated, and she invites him to move back in -- for appearances, of course.

In other news, Hank's still consulting with his cop friend on Gale's murder, and tells him the only people he knows connected to the blue meth are Badger and Jesse. The police sketch is of Victor - sigh of relief there. Hank tells the cop that he's done with the case, that finding Heisenberg has given him closure and he's ready to move on.

At their last pickup stop, some armed thugs pull up and block Mike's car in an alley. Jesse spots the dude with the gun walking toward him while Mike is inside the building. He throws it into reverse, slams the other car, and then drives off. Mike's calling someone to come pick him up when I say, "Awwwww!" out loud - Jesse pulls up to the curb, having not forgotten about his new BFF. Mike seems impressed, even allowing Jesse to smoke. THESE TWO ARE GOING TO BE THE GREATEST TEAM EVER!!!

The next day, Walter arrives at the lab to find Jesse working, and wonders what's up. Jesse tells Walter that he was Mike's guard for a day and saved the stash when they were ambushed. And he's meeting up with Mike this afternoon - "Guess I have 2 jobs now." OH SNAP, JESSE!!!! Love it! It turns out that even the ambush was part of a test put in place by Gus. He wants Jesse to feel like a hero, and I'm not sure if this is to help out Jesse and get him on the straight and narrow (in a criminal way anyway), or to drive Walter nuts with jealousy. Probably both.

The final scene is a piece of work. Holy crap. The Whites are having dinner at Hank and Marie's house. Walter's clearly irritated by Skyler and Gus and Mike and Jesse and he's drinking. Junior asks Hank how the Gale case is going and Hank says he's done with it, but goes on about how Gale was a genius, imagine what he could have done if he applied it to good, etc. That's the last straw for Walter, who can't resist insulting a dead man to make himself feel better. He tells Hank that, in his opinion, the notebook wasn't the sign of a genius - that it was merely copied down, and likely someone else's work.

Sometimes I yell at fictional characters. This was one of those times. Jesus Christ, Walter! Let it go! He has such a need for control and such a need to get credit for his work that he can't keep his mouth shut and just let Hank lose interest. Nope. Cuz Hank is interested now. He's working on the case even more the next day, and something sticks out to him. Gale was a hippie vegan, eating organic and all that -- but he has Los Pollos Hermanos stuff in the apartment. Well, there you go - now Hank has a key piece and he just needs to figure out how it fits.

Screw you, Walter White. You brought this on yourself. Thank God Jesse has that second job now!!!

Jessica Alba Names All Of Her Kids After Nouns

Haven is a stripper's name, right?

Jessica Alba and husband Cash Warren have added another little girl their brood: baby Haven Garner Warren.

"She was born on Saturday, weighed 7 lbs. and was 19 inches long," Alba wrote on her official Facebook page, announcing the happy news. "Healthy and happy! Big sister Honor couldn't be more excited about the new addition to our family."