The Hangover Part II

Full disclosure: I didn't expect to like The Hangover Part II. In fact, I didn't want to see it at all. I was sure it was going to be painfully duplicative of the original and painfully unfunny. But I was pleasantly surprised and thought it was hysterical! Yay!

If you love the guys from the first one like I do, then you think they're hysterical reading the phone book. Does a lot of the same or almost-the-same stuff happen? Sure. But it was funny the first time and it's funny again. So it works.

I always find Zach Galifianakis and Ken Jeong hilarious, and I'm a sucker for a dirty, sweaty, hungover Bradley Cooper. Oh yes - and penis. Penis is always funny.

Happy Morning

Time for another installment of Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis - with Will Ferrell and a special guest!

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis: Will Ferrell from Will Ferrell

The Event: Now It's Over

45 minutes from now there will be no more of this "Event" nonsense in my life, and the world will be the better for it.

Team Awesome figures out where the disease is going to be unleashed. They ask President Underwood for help, but since he's only Semi-President, he can only semi-help - with the food processing plant and the Bureau of Engraving. I guess the airport requires Full Presidential Status. So Team Awesome heads to Dulles and President Underwood tries to get the Other President to shut down Dulles and send in containment people. President Asshole is an asshole, so he doesn't.

Team Awesome chases down the Alien TSA Agent while Team Suck looks for Sophia. The TSA Agent shoots Alien Asian Hottie in the leg and the chest. Nooo! Luckily, he was wearing a bulletproof vest. But now that leaves Team Suck to save the world. Great. There's a massive shootout. No one notices a shootout in the airport? I mean, it's behind the scenes, but there's a lot of shooting. Surely someone can hear something out in the terminal.... Jesus Christ, there's even janitors out in the hallway as shooters go running by!! They seem nonplussed. This show stinks. But then the other half of Team Awesome, Sterling, pwns Sophia's right-hand man and I'm happy.

There's a Presidential Faceoff, as the Cabinet gathers for a vote on who should be President. President Underwood passes out on the way in to the meeting, but gets it together. President Underwood brings out the big guns and tells the Cabinet that President Asshole tried to take him out, and that he's working with the aliens to commit genocide. He even has a recording of their conversation where President Asshole admitted to everything. Dayum! If I cared about this show and who was President, this would be awesome!

Jesus, there's a lot of running going down at the airport. Sean's chasing Sophia through the terminal and there's a TSA guy standing RIGHT THERE and he does nothing!!! Remind me never to go to Dulles with their crappy security. Sophia locks herself in a first class lounge and starts setting up to release the virus in the terminal. Sean talks her down, and is all, "You didn't want this, you told me your people wanted peace, you'd just be murdering people for no reason, blah blah blah." That Annoying Prick Sean: Master Negotiator. That was remarkably easy. Sophia comes out and is arrested.

Simon tells Sean that the aliens are still coming, and that they were the first ones here. He also says what "The Event" is but it's shoehorned in and I don't get it. Some kind of event that would have happened if the aliens had stayed here, and will likely happen again when they return?? The answers are in the ancient scroll. Mmmm-kay, whatever.

Team Awesome meets with the President and tells him that 2.5 billion aliens are on their way. Jesus, did we know it was that many? We're screwed! Earthquakes and flooding are breaking out everywhere. It's the motherlovin' Rapture!

In sad news, they're still trying to cure Leila -- and she's pregnant. I called that as soon as the doctor wanted to talk to her about some test results. How effing stupid. Thank god this show is over - we don't have to see what a Half-Idiot, Half-Annoying-Prick looks like. Ugh. Worst. Parents. Ever.

Sophia gets brought in to the Oval Office, because that's what you do with America's #1 terrorist -- invite her in to a meeting with the President in his home. Sophia tells them she was trying to do us a favor by killing us with the virus -- now they've got no choice but to take us out in some inhumane way.

It gets windy and bright outside. Oh no - not the wind! A portal thing opens in the sky -- and a new planet is brought in to our solar system, between Earth and the Moon.

Oh sure, now you get semi-interesting. Not that they would have done anything cool with that in a second season. R.I.P. The Event.

Well, That Explains It

Schwarzenegger fathered a child with longtime member of household staff

His wife, Maria Shriver, moved out of their Brentwood mansion earlier this year after the former governor acknowledged the child was his. The staff member worked for the family for 20 years, retiring in January.

Numbnuts.

The Event: It's Not Over Yet

Two more episodes ever ever ever. Mike actually says we shouldn't bother watching this show anymore if it's not going to wrap-up neatly. I say he's made me watch it this long, he's not getting off that easy. It does make it easier, knowing I don't have to watch this for much longer....

Leila's dumb hybrid ass has altered the Spanish Flu virus so that it will spread the way the aliens want it to. But Sophia seems to be having a change of heart. For the 15th time.

That Annoying Prick Sean and Vicky are driving and bitching about something. They're tracking down... the courier's helper I guess? Hell if I know, I always feel like I lose time when watching this show. Alien Asian Hottie and Sterling are there looking for the same dude. So now we have Team Awesome vs. Team Suck. Stay away from the only awesome things on this show, goddamn you! Team Suck fills Team Awesome in on the Spanish Flu plan and then they all pick through the dude's trash. Team Suck is already dragging my men down....

Sophia has a good plan for spreading the disease - through supermarkets, currency, and Dulles Airport. We find out the Aliens were here first and think they're just taking back that which is rightfully theirs - the Earth. They start transporting the kegs of Spanish Flu.

President Underwood wakes up from his coma just as the First Lady is giving President Asshole a good talking to. She was so just about to smack him into the next century. The First Lady brings President Underwood up to speed (Sterling/Simon saved him) and then he calls Sterling, who brings him even more up to speed (President Asshole working with Sophia/Spanish Flu).

That Annoying Prick Sean hacks his way into the NSA satellites so they can track the dude (starting from a gas station receipt). It doesn't take long for them to find his location, which is the new alien hangout. As they drive there, Simon is all, "Hey, is that an ancient scroll in your glove compartment?"

Sophia orders Leila executed to put her out of her Spanish Flu misery. She slips her restraints as the doctor is about to inject her, and then Sean arrives. Leila stays in her plastic bubble - she's infected after all. Oh no, I'm sorry, let me put it how she did: "They put it in me." Jesus, this bitch is dumb. Also, that's what she said.

Hey I have a question - why would the aliens have put Leila in her plastic bubble? They're immune to the Spanish Flu, what the hell would they care if they were exposed? Oh right - plot device. We have to endure a scene of these 2 idiots talking to each other through the plastic. PUKE!

President Underwood insists on going to the White House and busts in on President Asshole in the Oval Office. "Get the hell out of my office." BOOYAH! President Asshole is all, "You have to be proved to be capable and you're a hot mess, go screw."

Simon threatens the alien doctor with a drill to the head, which is pretty cool, and she gives up the computer password so now Team Awesome can see the virus distribution plans. What - Sean couldn't hack it? I guess he was busy.

That Alien Array Thing powers up, communicating with the home planet.

If there's a god, the finale will only be one hour long.

NBC Generally Sucks

But I'll give these 2 shows a shot and see how badly they can screw them up....

First, Grimm - which kind of does look like Buffy the Vampire Slayer, minus Buffy and the high school, but with the same kind of demon-next-door vibe.



And then Awake which looks troubling, depressing, and hella intriguing. The trailer kind of blew my mind a little. But I know there's got to be some way they'll screw it up. Looking forward to finding out how they do it.

Alcatraz: I'm In

I don't know what this show is about, or how it can sustain itself. But I'm obsessed with Alcatraz -- it's literally my Favorite Place on Earth. So I'll watch it. Plus Sam Neill! I'm in for the Fall!

Link here cuz the embed's acting wonky.

Happy Faces of the Day

It's a rough weekend for my husband, as V and The Event have been canceled. AHAHAHAHAHAHA TheEventSucks.

TV News

If you consider casting for a TV show a spoiler, I don't want to know you and you can move on. They just announced an addition to next season on Fringe and I couldn't be happier!!!

Sources confirm to TVLine exclusively that Seth Gabel — who has recurred the last two seasons as Bolivia’s “Over There” colleague, Lincoln Lee — will return in Season 4 as a full-fledged series regular.

I am soooo happy about this, because I love Lincoln Lee. Now the question is which Lincoln Lee we get, but whatever - I'll take him in any form.

And in news I'm not happy about?

Escape artist Chuck, which has successfully cheated cancellation for the past two years, will be coming back to fight again next season. I hear a deal is being finalized for a 13-episode order to the NBC spy dramedy.

This show is 2 years past its expiration date, at least at the rate it's been going. If they can switch back to the way Seasons 1 and 2 were, that'd be fabulous. More Buy More, more Morgan, more funny, less relationshippy. I assume Chuck and Sarah are getting married next week - that'll make for interesting TV next year. Not. I loved Chuck more than anything in the beginning. But that show has disappointed me for too long. It's joyless.

source1 and source2

This is Sad, Right?

Guess there's no hope for a Republican/Democrat union after all....

Former Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger and his wife, Maria Shriver, have separated, with Shriver moving out of their Brentwood mansion while the two determine the next step in their 25-year marriage.

Shriver has been residing apart from the actor-turned-politician for the last few weeks. The former first couple confirmed the separation in a joint statement released Monday after questions from The Times.

"This has been a time of great personal and professional transition for each of us," the statement read. "After a great deal of thought, reflection, discussion and prayer, we came to this decision together. At this time, we are living apart while we work on the future of our relationship.

source

The Event

From one of the greatest shows to one of the worst. Hold me!

Michael's dead, so there's some good news. Too bad he didn't take Leila with him. Alien Asian Hottie is on the way to deliver the Poison Splenda Antidote to the Semi-President.

That Annoying Prick Sean and Vicky are on the road again, somehow, and trying to save the world from a Spanish Flu outbreak, tracking the GPS on the infected lungs. That's a ridiculous sentence, huh? They track the lungs to a mall, where the bad guys have also conveniently left behind blueprints of the mall's ventilation system. Oh noes! Sean runs to the roof of the Busiest. Mall. Ever. and has a lame shootout with the people loading the lungs into the HVAC system. It takes a while to get lungs properly loaded, OK?

Simon brings the antidote to Sterling, telling him that he's split from Sophia and wants to save the President. They head out to get with the First Lady, their only hope of getting to President Underwood. In the meantime, President Asshole tells the First Lady that Sterling and Simon are responsible for poisoning her husband. She tells him where they are.

That Annoying Prick Sean and Vicky find the lung-bomb, which has been set with a 3-minute timer. Because why disperse Spanish Flu now when you can wait 3 minutes to do it? Sean thinks he knows how to disarm a bomb, and he does so by shooting it. But wait - that's not really the lung bomb! Or at least not the whole thing. It was released on a bus so that the Aliens could continue their evaluation. They determine that the virus should first be released in a bridge species - a hybrid. Leila. Yes please! Release the virus in Leila!!! Now why does it have to be released in a hybrid? It seemed to do a pretty good job of killing people as-is. Oh who the hell knows. Funny how the kind of BS I'll accept on Fringe only irritates me with this show. It's all in the quality, people.

President Asshole orders the bombing of Sterling and Simon - no really! They don't call him President Asshole for nothing. It comes as no shock to anyone who watches The Event -- Sterling had gotten through to the First Lady earlier with a phone call and told her the real deal. So the location that she gave President Asshole isn't real - just an empty warehouse. And the First Lady gets the antidote to President Underwood. And President Asshole is now sweating his ass off. AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Fringe

Season finale time! Hold me! I'm scared!

It's 2026 at Fringe Division. Future Olivia's in charge and her niece is a new agent. And Future Olivia and Future Peter are Future Married! I'm liking Future Peter's graying hair. Future Olivia can do telekinesis like it's blinking. She rules!

The opening credits are black! I was wondering what they'd do with those. Love it.

The terrorists who attacked the New World Trade Center blow up an opera house, claiming they are trying to accelerate The End of Days. Peter goes to see Walter to get some information on the bombs used. Future Walter is hairy and crazy-looking and locked up in prison for causing the Fringe events/destroying a universe.

Future Senator Broyles has a milky eye that makes me want to puke. Peter gets Walter cleaned up and temporarily released so he can do some investigating in his old, sadly-empty lab. When Walter and Olivia are reunited it's super sweet - he picks her up and swings her around.

The terrorists are working with Future Walternate - he's trying to get the 2 Universes to merge.

Peter and Olivia drink boxed wine and eat canned steak. Nevermind - the future sucks!

The day the Peter Bishop Doomsday Machine was triggered was the day the Other Universe was destroyed and a wormhole developed in Central Park. The terrorists head into the ambered-off wormhole area and Walternate leaves a clue for Peter to find him. Peter (and everyone else) knows that Walternate is in Our Universe - he came here to save his Universe and got stuck when the Other Universe was destroyed. Future Walternate is salty as hell.

But the Walternate Peter is talking to is a holographic projection. The real Walternate is too busy shooting Olivia straight through the forehead!!!!! Noooooo!

In the future, we give people Viking burials - light their coffins on fire and push them out into the river. Or at least that's how Olivia's funeral goes.

Walter continues his investigation and somehow figures out he can time travel. Or at least that he's the one who sent the Machine parts back to the past before. And this time Peter can go back in time and undo the last 15 years. My nose bleeds from the explanation, but I go with it, because this is Fringe.

We go back to the Present where Peter's still in the Machine. Then to the Other Universe, where their softspots are getting worse. Walternate wants Fauxlivia to help shut off the machine. Then to Our Universe. Then Peter merges the 2 universes. Like, the 2 Walters and 2 Olivias are standing in the same room!!! Is this permanent? Yes please!

Peter starts explaining that the Universes need to work together, that both teams need to work together to survive. And then he disappears. The Observers are outside, and say that no one remembers Peter, that to them he never existed. No!!!! No wantie permanent anymore!!!

This Week's Code: NO MORE. No - I do want more. That was crazy and cool and I can't wait to see what happens next season!!

No. No. NO!

Thanks to KP for the tip on Bear. Bear, people! BEAR! Even better - Bear Blu!!! Lets hope the kid looks like a lumberjack and is into motorcycles. He won't need a nickname.

It's a Boy for Alicia Silverstone

The actress and author, 34, welcomed her first child with husband Christopher Jarecki on Thursday, May 5, her rep tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Son Bear Blu Jarecki weighed in at 7 lbs., 15 oz.

source

And then I had to read this one a couple times over the weekend to make sure I didn't have the gender wrong. This kid won't get picked on.

Nikki Cox & Jay Mohr Welcome a Boy

It's a happy Cinco de Mayo for Jay Mohr and Nikki Cox, who welcomed their first child together on Thursday, their rep tells PEOPLE.

The couple's baby boy, Meredith Daniel Mohr, weighed in at 6 lbs. 7 oz.

source

Thor

I really liked Thor, and the more I think about it, the more I liked it. Now I'll say that going in to the movie I was highly skeptical. The prospect of some Viking God wasn't appealing to me. I like my superheroes best when they're grounded in some realism, like with Batman and Iron Man. But Thor and Green Lantern are giving me some douchechills because of how alien they are. When something's set entirely in some strange world or outer space it freaks me out.

So anyway, I wasn't expecting to enjoy the movie as much as I did. But it works. Sure, the Viking Universe Whateverthehell scenes are kinda weird, but they pulled it off. When Thor's on Earth he's huge and built and hot if you go for that blond Nordic thing. His brother Loki was very cool too. I also was all WTF with the hammer, but it was awesome. I love how it's kind of magnetic. Cool. And the movie, as with all these Marvel films, doesn't take itself too seriously and winks at how crazy the stuff is.

The kicker? Hawkeye! I was so excited to see Jeremy Renner make his cameo. And it was a decent-sized one too. Hawkeye looks like a genuine military badass - and a smartass who gets a great line already. Can't wait for The Avengers!

Also? Serious Girl Crush on Kat Dennings. Serious.

Excuse Me While I Commit Suicide

What is the world coming to? And are there enough goddamn exclamation points in the title!?!?!!!

Today Glee creator Ryan Murphy and 20th Century Fox announced that this summer, the Glee Live! concert will be turned into a 3D movie.

Glee Live! 3D! will be released in theaters August 12, featuring footage from the Glee Live! concert series.

Crazy Baby Names Part 454

No name compares to Declan, but I actually like these effed-up names. OK, maybe not Moroccan (nor the inspiration - weird), but I like the nickname Roc. But for some reason I'm really feeling the name Monroe for a little girl. Good thing I don't have kids I guess.

Mariah Carey and her husband Nick Cannon have finally revealed the names of their twins who were born in Los Angeles on Saturday.

Their son is named Moroccan Scott Cannon, with the nickname "Roc". Scott is Nick’s middle name, as well as his grandmother’s maiden name. The top tier of Mariah’s New York City apartment is called the Moroccan Room, because of the Moroccan-inspired decor.

Their daughter’s name is Monroe Cannon. Mariah's rep says she does not have a middle name because Mariah herself does not have one. Monroe was named after Marilyn Monroe, who has been an inspiration to Mariah her whole life.

source

The Event

Vice President Asshole is being sworn in while President Underwood is rushed into surgery. I'm not interested in staring at Presidential Nipples. He crashes, but ends up in a coma. Now-President Asshole tells his team that he'll open up diplomatic negotiations with the aliens.

Sterling is covertly continuing his investigation of President Asshole, including sending his poisoned-coffee-stained shirt cuff off for analysis. There are traces of a bio-catalyst - something we don't even have the science to create - on the sleeve. Oh snap - sounds like Alien Poison Splenda to me!

Alien Asian Hottie is still strapped to his bed. It's unclear whether they let him get up to pee. He beats up a guard but doesn't escape. Sophia wants him killed, and orders Michael to do it. Michael only pretends to kill him, and helps AAH escape. They plan to find the antidote to the Alien Poison Splenda.

The Alien Courier is on the way to America with his briefcase of Spanish Flu. That Annoying Prick Sean and Vicky are hot on his tail, and buy tickets on the same flight. They sure are well traveled. It doesn't take long for Sean to spot his prime suspect, of course. That Sean is a brilliant master of assumption and coincidence.

Sean and Vicky jump the courier, but there's only cocaine in his briefcase. Jesus, what if they had unleashed the Spanish Flu by opening the case? What a bunch of donks!

Sterling confronts President Asshole, and awesomely tells him he's just being used as Sophia's pawn. President Asshole fires him. Željko Ivanek is the bomb. He deserves way better than this show. In fact, in Googling his name for the proper spelling I just found out he won an Emmy for Damages. Hell yeah - he was awesome on that show!

Sean has Vicky contact someone she can trust at Homeland Security to let them know there's a plane full of WMD coming. The plane is diverted and gets a jet escort, but Sophia gets President Asshole to call it off, what with him being her pawn and all. Dumbass.

The Two Idiots figure out that the Alien Courier is a flight attendant. They catch up with her as she's handing it off, and hilariously fight with her and the other guy, but they're pwned. We're supposed to think it's because Vicky lurves Sean and didn't want to shoot him. Excuse me while I puke my guts out at the thought that 2 chicks could be in love with this douche.

As Alien Asian Hottie, Leila, and Michael escape the compound they come under gunfire. Michael earns a gutshot. Leila spares Simon the agony of having to be with her alone and stays behind to watch her father die. Simon runs off to take the antidote to President Underwood.

NOOOOOOOOOOO

God, I hate this smug bitch. Thanks for guaranteeing I never watch The Today Show again.

Ann Curry is going to be replacing Meredith Vieira on The Today Show. It was an announcement that was expected, and it has been made official today. After five years, Vieira is leaving the popular morning show, and leaving her post to Curry, who has been an NBC correspondent for fourteen years.

Instead of hiring someone new, The Today Show is going to play musical chairs with their already talented reporters. "Natalie Morales, 38, is set to step into Ann's role, and MSNBC anchor Savannah Guthrie, 39, will be the 9 AM anchor," Hollywood Life reports.

On the plus side? Even more Brangelina coverage!

source

Fast Five

Fast Five was awesome! It had everything I could ask for in a Fast & Furious movie and everything I need in a fun movie in general - in other words, it had porn of the bicep, tight tee shirt, gun, car, and barely-contained homoerotic variety.

The movie brings back everyone - the Asian guy from that one Fast & Furious movie, the black guy from that one Fast & Furious movie, the other black guy from that Fast & Furious movie, and Bigger Vin Diesel a/k/a The Rock. Cars. Guns. Big men beating each other up and nearly making out. What's not to love? If you go for this kind of thing, you won't be disappointed.