02 May 2011

The Event

Vice President Asshole is being sworn in while President Underwood is rushed into surgery. I'm not interested in staring at Presidential Nipples. He crashes, but ends up in a coma. Now-President Asshole tells his team that he'll open up diplomatic negotiations with the aliens.

Sterling is covertly continuing his investigation of President Asshole, including sending his poisoned-coffee-stained shirt cuff off for analysis. There are traces of a bio-catalyst - something we don't even have the science to create - on the sleeve. Oh snap - sounds like Alien Poison Splenda to me!

Alien Asian Hottie is still strapped to his bed. It's unclear whether they let him get up to pee. He beats up a guard but doesn't escape. Sophia wants him killed, and orders Michael to do it. Michael only pretends to kill him, and helps AAH escape. They plan to find the antidote to the Alien Poison Splenda.

The Alien Courier is on the way to America with his briefcase of Spanish Flu. That Annoying Prick Sean and Vicky are hot on his tail, and buy tickets on the same flight. They sure are well traveled. It doesn't take long for Sean to spot his prime suspect, of course. That Sean is a brilliant master of assumption and coincidence.

Sean and Vicky jump the courier, but there's only cocaine in his briefcase. Jesus, what if they had unleashed the Spanish Flu by opening the case? What a bunch of donks!

Sterling confronts President Asshole, and awesomely tells him he's just being used as Sophia's pawn. President Asshole fires him. Ċ½eljko Ivanek is the bomb. He deserves way better than this show. In fact, in Googling his name for the proper spelling I just found out he won an Emmy for Damages. Hell yeah - he was awesome on that show!

Sean has Vicky contact someone she can trust at Homeland Security to let them know there's a plane full of WMD coming. The plane is diverted and gets a jet escort, but Sophia gets President Asshole to call it off, what with him being her pawn and all. Dumbass.

The Two Idiots figure out that the Alien Courier is a flight attendant. They catch up with her as she's handing it off, and hilariously fight with her and the other guy, but they're pwned. We're supposed to think it's because Vicky lurves Sean and didn't want to shoot him. Excuse me while I puke my guts out at the thought that 2 chicks could be in love with this douche.

As Alien Asian Hottie, Leila, and Michael escape the compound they come under gunfire. Michael earns a gutshot. Leila spares Simon the agony of having to be with her alone and stays behind to watch her father die. Simon runs off to take the antidote to President Underwood.

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