Halloween Joke

This is courtesy of a kid who just came to my door:

Do zombies eat popcorn with their fingers?
No, they eat the fingers separately!

Love it!

Campaign Ads Are Awesome

Check out this campaign ad, brought to you by the great state of Wisconsin. Hard to believe, but IT'S REAL!!! And real funny.

And stick around for the guy who says he paid for the message - would you vote for him? Not me, I'm voting for the guy who studies old guys masturbating.

UPDATE: The video was taken off of YouTube. If you haven't watched it, it is totally worth it. Nelson posts it on his website - click here and you won't be disappointed.

Happy Halloween!!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year! Eat too much candy tonight!

Heroes

Niki isn’t content to just kill people – she has to rip them apart. Damn! I knew she was the one who killed those people in Vegas. And I also called Eden being bad.

So what happened at the end when DL put his hand through Niki? Maybe Niki 2.0 will go away and now Regular Niki will have power. I don’t know.

Hiro started to make the transition from Happy-Go-Lucky Hiro to Future Serious Hiro when he realized he could have/should save people. It was funny when he was so excited about having a sword in the future.

It is nice that, week after week, our Heroes are getting laid. You definitely want your Heroes to be happy.

Save the cheerleader, save the world.

Prison Break

Apparently, if you look like Michael Scofield, you can show up at a woman’s house with a clearly-photocopied FBI badge and not only will she answer all of your personal questions, but she will serve you coffee.

Poor, poor T-Bag can’t get his woman. Billick whacks him in the face – pow! For some reason, I didn’t see that coming. And Billick pulling out the stitches in T-Bag's hand one-by-one is horrid!

I liked seeing C-Note as a shot caller again, with his crew. Nice operation kidnapping his daughter from school. I'm glad he got his family together. The Burrows family ain't so lucky. LJ gets hit by a car and he and Lincoln get caught. WHAT??!! THEY CAUGHT LINCOLN???? Prison Break Season 3: Arizona.

Sad Celebrity Couples News

Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe have separated. The couple's rep released a statement to TMZ Monday morning that says "We are saddened to announce that Reese & Ryan have decided to formally separate. They remain committed to their family and we ask that you please respect their privacy and the safety of their children at this time."

I always liked them, but this was definitely a long time coming. Long live Brangelina!

Bold Proclamation Monday

That Colts/Broncos game was awesome yesterday. Especially the 2nd half. Peyton Manning is a machine. In fact, I'm going to go out on a limb and say he's the greatest player in the NFL. Keep leaving him time to make plays!!

Eating My Way Through Florida

We're back from Orlando. It was a really great trip. But Universal was a little bit counterfeit. I hate to say it because I hate Disney as an organization, but GD, they know what they're doing. Disney parks are far superior.

Luckily, we had coupons that got us both of our tickets for $35. Had we paid the regular price of $155 for 2 tickets, I would be bitter. At Universal Studios the rides basically blew, except for the awesome Mummy ride. Islands of Adventure had more rides, and they were fun. The weather was perfect - low 70s. We got there when they first opened and it was a little overcast. It was us and about 6 foreign tourists.

As is the case with most trips, my favorite part involved food. We ate dinner at Emeril's Tchoup Chop - Asian fusion cuisine. It was fabulous - that alone was worth the trip. (Full disclosure: I finally had alcohol - a glass of wine!)

Next time we go to Orlando we will go back to Animal Kingdom and EPCOT. They have new rides on which people have died. Which means they have to be good.

Peace Out

We're off to Orlando for the weekend. We're going to Universal Studios tomorrow. I've never been to that park, and this is the first time we're making the drive, so I'm excited. I'll be sure to take pictures of the highway.

I'm Audi 2000!

Skeletons in the News

Nicole Richie has checked into a treatment facility to address her inability to gain weight, her publicist said Thursday. Nicole has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight.

Wow, I hope wherever she's going they have a team of 50 of the greatest minds in science. It's going to take a lot of Nobel Prize winners to get to the bottom of this.

Why the picture of Milo Ventimiglia? What, you'd rather look at another picture of that skeleton?

Friday Confession

I just downloaded "SexyBack" and "London Bridge" to my iPod. What's wrong with me? I'm so hurting....

Now I have to go dance around my house.

More 24 Casting News

Another face from the 80s/90s!!!!

Powers Boothe has been elected Vice President on Fox's 24. In the recurring role, he will play Noah Daniels, the No. 2 to new U.S. President Wayne Palmer. Powers recently co-starred on Deadwood.

24 Season 6 Trailer

For those who couldn't see it on the website...

Lost: Have I Mentioned Lately How Much It Sucks?

Jesus, this show is just bad now. Sawyer tries to get all Michael Scofield and set a trap for The Others. But he's not Michael Scofield so that doesn't work. They take him and implant a pacemaker that will make his heart explode if he gets worked up. Only they don't. Because it was all a hoax.

Then we're treated to the cliche and lame-ass scene where seeing Kate change clothes makes his pacemaker-watch start beeping because his heart rate is rising. Clever. I know the show is bad because when it goes to commercial break, I make a snoring sound and roll my eyes. As opposed to when I watch Heroes and I say, "Woah. Rewind that." The only thing good was the last 1/2 second of the preview for next week. This show blows.

But I'm pot committed. Can't turn back now.

I Can Hardly Wait for Christmas

I was in CVS this morning and they had CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS AND CANDY!!! Are they out of their minds? It's not even Halloween. This has to be a new record.

24: Oh, I Get It, It's the 24th

The Season 6 trailer was released this afternoon at www.24trailer.com. Watch it immediately.

OHMYGOD!!!!!!! I cannot wait for January!! Baltimore has been attacked! Chloe and Karen got makeovers! Bill and Curtis are back! And a bearded Jack, looking like he's being released by the Chinese so he can sacrifice himself.

IS IT JANUARY YET??!!!

Heroes

Nathan flies way better than Superman.

Hiro is the cutest. He's like an adorable puppy. If it weren't for him the show would be 100% depressing. He gives it some much-needed comic relief. Especially now that we know he turns out to be a freaking samurai warrior or something.

The endings are always the best, and this week was no exception. And next week, Niki's husband has powers too. This show could not get any more kick ass.

Prison Break

So Mike was right about Sucre and Michael being in cahoots. Unfortunately, T-Bag got the money so they're screwed. There was much homoeroticism in that river, no? And now the BFFs are splitting up!! *sniff*

I like that Dr. Sara is going all Fugitive now, stealing a dead woman's identity. I figure the code is about meeting at a hotel, since Sara has the first part: "Sundown Hot".

When they were like, "Where would T-Bag go?", Mike said a Girl Scout camp and I said a Boy Scout camp. I forgot about him going to seek revenge on the woman who turned him in. I am butt-excited for that!!!

Because Baseball is Boring

Watch the Heroes marathon on NBC tonight. No football - what's up with that?

I'm a raving geek with this show. I know Mike's glad I like it too -- it could have easily been like Smallville where I watch it with him and make fun of it the entire time.

It is really really good. It's about more than just an indestructible cheerleader. It's got good writing, good music. There's a huge cast, and all of the stories are interesting. It feels real too, which is amazing considering the subject matter. And Peter Petrelli is the greatest superhero alter ego name since Peter Parker. Say it 3 times, it's awesome.

But you won't be able to see the first episode. The maker of a garbage disposal is suing NBC because the episode features the aforementioned indestructible cheerleader putting her hand down a garbage disposal. The manufacturer says the episode portrays their product in a bad light, because her hand gets mangled. Well, duh. I've never done it, but I've always been tempted to turn on the garbage disposal when someone puts their hand down it. And I'm pretty sure if I did it would be mangled.

The Duel

Ah, another Real World/Road Rules Challenge. Only they sprinkled some Fresh Meat in there too. I got caught up, but I missed the first 15 minutes of the first episode. That's usually where they give couples news - did I miss anything? Is CT sweet on Diem?

How stupid of Tina to punch Beth. But I guess she enjoyed it. Beth deserves it, but Tina is always good for some humor and bitchiness on this show. Beth is like 40 now, right? When is she going to give these things up? (Maybe when I stop watching.)

Every time these things start out I get confused about who people are. Which cast is Nehemiah from? Key West? And for some reason I was thinking about that punk girl with the pink or blue hair who was a cutter. Didn't she have a guy's name? Which RW was she on? Help me out! I just wonder what happened to her.

What is with Svetlana and Paula being BFF with Tyler now? Did Svetlana miss the part where Tyler cursed out her mother? Now she's like, Tyler is my protector. Whatevs.

Trip to Naples

We drove all the way across the state today, to Naples. It's only an hour and a half away, but it's straight through the Everglades. No way could I make that trip in the dark - no lights along the highway! Just gators! Spookier than a cornfield in Pennsylvania.



Naples was really nice. The architecture is beautiful and European/Mediterranean-looking. There was an art festival going on, which was fun, but it was hot as hell. Naples seems to be inhabited by mostly rich, old people. My kind of crowd!

Gay's Anatomy

I have never watched Grey's Anatomy, and I never will. But this story still pisses me off. Isaiah Washington can go screw. What pisses me off is, if the roles were reversed and the other guy had dropped the n-word, he'd be fired (and rightly so). So I hope this asshat is fired.

Grey's Anatomy star T.R. Knight has confirmed he is gay. The actor, who plays unassuming Dr. George O'Malley on the hit series, decided to go public after rumors began surfacing about his sexuality. Knight confirms to American publication People, "I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I'd like to quiet any unnecessary rumours that may be out there. While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I'm gay isn't the most interesting part of me." Media reports have suggested that Knight was forced out of the closet after details of a fight between co-stars Isaiah Washington and Patrick Dempsey became public. According to the National Enquirer, the two got into a fight while Filming the show last week and Washington allegedly yelled to Dempsey, "I'm not your little faggot like (name deleted)." The publication said they withheld printing the actual name of the co-star Washington mentioned "because of the extreme nature of the slur."

Unadvanced Cable

Advanced Cable stinks. Our cable went out yesterday, along with our internet. I can only live like the Amish for so long!!

I'll be able to get The Office off of iTunes, but of course only if my internet goes back up. Too bad Smallville isn't on iTunes! At least it didn't happen on a Monday. It better not be out on Monday.

David Blaine Sucks

If you hate David Blaine as much as I do, you should find this hilarious. WARNING: Lots of F words contained herein!

Project Runway: Auf Wiedersehen

The best reality show on TV is over. The big Jeffrey Controversy only served to make me dislike Laura. She started the whole thing and then is like, Oh I knew you didn't do it. I didn't think you cheated and I didn't want you to get kicked off. What? And was joking around with Jeffrey, like they're suddenly going to be buddy buddy. So I really wanted her to come in last.

I'm fine with Jeffrey winning, and glad Uli was in the top two. I think Jeffrey's stuff was great, and that his model Marilinda was the best model too. I think Jay is still the best designer of all of the seasons.

I will miss you, Project Runway. Come back to me soon!

Lost: The Polar Bear Can't Save You Now

Wow. Lost really blows. Am I wrong on this? This was a Locke episode and I still didn't like it! The polar bear was finally back and I still didn't like it! Maybe because Charlie was in it too and he and his mullet are hella annoying. Maybe because it was just bad. Maybe because Heroes is a shining example of a high-concept show that juggles multiple characters and storylines. What Lost used to be.

I couldn't care less about Lost now. Next week looks bad too! Tragically, I will continue to watch it. But I won't like it!

My Culinary Skills are Money

I don't know why people are doubting my abilities. Today I made this kick-ass peanut butter and tomato sandwich. Suck on that!

Because I'm Busy and There's No Good News

And so you don't have to keep looking at my bread.

My Bread

My bread turned out delicious and gorgeous! Yay Kenmore Elite oven, Williams Sonoma French bread pan, and Cooking Light!! And yay me!

Weekend

I've been having a nice weekend. Yesterday we cleaned the house, then Mike was craving chocolate cake. I made a new recipe - Sour Cream Chocolate Fudge Cake with Chocolate Satin Frosting - from Joy of Cooking. I lightened it up a bit (except for the butter, gotta use butter) - it was good. Today I'm further testing the new oven by making baguettes. Making bread is a tricky thing - I'm keeping my fingers crossed. The dough is currently in the rising stage.

We went to Markham Park today - Mike went biking and I walked around the park. I stayed on the grass and tried to take what little hills there were - that way it almost seemed like hiking. It's a perfect day today - 85, sunny, and breezy. People were grilling in the park, so that got me craving hot dogs. We grilled hot dogs and made a pretty good imitation of CPK's awesome grilled vegetable salad - grilled corn, eggplant, and asparagus, roasted red peppers, sundried tomatoes, and avocado. Yum.

To further our culinary adventures, Mike is making meat sauce this afternoon.

We saw The Departed last night. It was awesome!! Boston accents. Alec Baldwin. Matt Damon. Brutality. C words. It was funny too - I love the stereotypical Boston tough guy lines. They work for me. Leonardo wasn't even unbearable for me.

24: It's Beginning to Get Re-Goddamn-Diculous

CHAD LOWE of all people is joining the cast of 24 as "savvy politico" Reed Pollock, according to a release from FOX. We're on to the C-listers now!!!!!!!

Tonight's TV

1. 30 Rock was really funny and has potential to stay that way. No laugh track. Alec Baldwin. Tracey Morgan.

2. Lost sucks. So. Much. Ass.

3. Project Runway. I won't say anything mean about Albert Einstein -- I mean, Laura's husband. But Laura is a total bitch for whining and accusing Jeffrey of cheating. Why couldn't he have sewn all that himself in two months? He didn't do work like that before because he only had 24 hours to work on stuff before. He had more time and he's a professional who sews for a GD living and who can probably churn that kind of work out. What do I know, but I don't think he cheated and Laura's just jealous. I don't even like Jeffrey - why am I defending him??

Some questions:

How cute was Tim with Michael's family, and then in his dress shirt on the beach with his pale skin?

Does Jeffrey count as a heterosexual when his girlfriend looks like that?

Michael's going to lose, isn't he?

And Now a Word From Our Sponsor

This blog is brought to you by Fruity Cheerios. This cereal is MONEY!

Star Magazine = The News

Popstar and America's Got Talent judge Brandy, 27, has fallen for Project Runway finalist Michael Knight, 28! The two hit it off after being introduced by an industry acquaintance while L.A.-based Brandy was in Atlanta promoting her show, says sources.

"He's the perfect gentleman and has really won her affection," says a source close to the singer. They're so smitten with each other that they're racking up frequent flyer miles. She even showed her support by sitting front row at Michael's show during New York Fashion week.

Wait.... Michael's straight??!!

BRONCOS BEAT RAVENS!

Billick not so happy:

Serious Actresses Can Be Whores Too

She was the youngest ever nominee for a Best Actress Oscar. And now Whale Rider star Keisha Castle-Hughes' tender years are raising eyebrows once again.
That's because the 16-year-old actress has announced that she's pregnant, with a baby due next spring. Keisha is expecting the baby with her 19-year-old boyfriend Bradley Hull. The couple have been dating for THREE YEARS, although they kept it hush-hush in case it harmed Keisha's screen image.

Congratulations to the happy couple!

I Am Ready for Some Football

I'm having a hard time believing it's October for two reasons: 1) it's 88 degrees here and 2) I haven't watched much football. Without football, it just isn't Fall.

We just haven't had good games on down here. And certainly no Ravens games. Today it changes. We get the Redskins game and the Eagles game. It's always fun to root against the Skins. And the Philly fans are already chanting "O.D." (you called that, KP) and burning T.O.'s jersey in the parking lot, so that game will definitely be fun to watch. Then Monday Night Football is Ravens/Broncos! FINALLY!!

I'm flying back to Baltimore the first weekend of November to see a Ravens game. I miss going to the occasional game, but I also miss cooking chili while watching the games. Too hot for that here. Hopefully I'll have some foliage and Fall weather to enjoy too!

Comedians Rule

Going to see a stand-up comedian is one of my favorite things to do. I think stand-up comedy is the hardest thing in the world to do, and what's better than laughing for an hour straight?

Last night we went to see Jim Gaffigan. He has long been one of my favorite comedians, and this is the first chance I got to see him. I literally laughed for a solid hour. He's frickin' hysterical. And I realized while watching him why he's my favorite - his two main topics: food and being lazy. Hello! That's all me!!! He had some great jokes about being too lazy to recycle. It's as if he read my mind. Hot Pockets!

I think he could be the funniest comedian I've seen. And that's saying a lot because I've seen a lot: Jon Stewart, Chris Rock, Dave Attell, Dave Chappelle, David Cross, Nick Swardson, Dane Cook, Bobby Kelly, Jeffrey Ross. The ones currently on my haven't-seen-but-need-to-see list are Bill Burr, Patrice O'Neal, and Doug Benson. Oh, I see, Doug Benson is going to be at the Miami Improv in December. Guess I better go check that place out! We have 2 Improvs near by, which was one of the first things I checked when we were going to move. Last night's show was at the Parker Playhouse downtown which is a cute old theater.

Oh, and notice there are no women to be found on either of my comedy lists. Women comedians aren't funny.

All Done

The kitchen is done and I'm so happy!! Here are some before & afters.

Enjoy!

Full article attached below:
here

Project Runway Reunions Are a Highlight of My Life

Keith! Oh. My. God. He's so creepy. He's saying that he had the books, they were taken from him, and then they were returned to his room? He's saying it's some kind of set-up? Well, sorry, I believe Tim Gunn. I'd believe Tim Gunn if he told me the sky was green and grass was blue. Sure it is Tim, you sharp dresser, you.

No alcohol at this reunion? Now that is disappointing. Maybe they were afraid Bradley or Vincent would get loaded and kill someone. Speaking of Vincent, LOVED the expletive-filled tantrum about his laundry. Speaking of Bradley, what's with the just-released-from-the-nuthatch hairdo? Nevermind, I think I just answered my own question.

So I guess Keith just sat there in silence after his segment was over? Everyone else was laughing about stuff, but they never really showed any reactions from him. He didn't even laugh at the fart joke!! Baby.

Next week the finale begins. Laura accuses Jeffrey of cheating and getting help. Like in Season 1 when Kara Saun got someone to give her expensive shoes for $1. Go Michael!

Lost: WTF??!!

Oh Lost. I loved you the first season. You were different and spooky and good. Second season, not so much. When you were good you were awesome, but when you were bad (every other episode) you were boring. But sometimes when you were bad your last 30 seconds would be good and keep me hooked. This third season is not off to a great start. Bring back the polar bear!

I liked the opening of the show at least. We saw the reaction of The Others when the plane crashed, though of course none of it makes any sense. They were living in a community of real houses and electricity, making muffins, and reading Stephen King in a book club??!!

Was that blond chick (Juliette) the same chick from the end of last season? I think her name was Penny and she was Desmond's girlfriend. Maybe they just look alike but I was confused about that the whole time she was on screen.

Also, WHERE WERE LOCKE, SAYID, JIN & SUN??!! I love me some creepy Henry Gale, but COME ON! I won't be patient for long, Lost.

Why I love FOX "News"

It Takes a Village to Write The Transformers Movie

Go to the movie's official website and you can enter to have a line of dialogue spoken by Optimus Prime. Mike, I'm talking to you.

Why I Love Republicans

Republicans + inappropriate online chatting with teen boys X supposed cover-up = GOLD! If you haven’t already, you can see Rep. Foley’s emails to a teen boy (which aren’t so scandalous) and his chat log with another one (which is unbelievably scandalous) by following this link. Of course, be sure to click on the link that says WARNING: EXPLICIT.

The chat log looks like something out of Dateline: Internet Predators. I would pay money to have Chris Hansen read the transcripts to Rep. Foley in a kitchen in suburban America. "You asked him how he masturbates. You said, 'I have totally stiff wood now.' What did you mean by that?"

Keep covering up child predators!!

Prison Break: The Most Tragic Show on TV

Holy crap!!!! I am truly saddened by Tweener’s death. It’s all so tragic. He gets caught, pretends he’s going to turn in the other guys, but in a piece of classic (and classically over-used) Prison Break misdirection, he goes to see the girl he banged the other night. To thank her, apologize, and say he wants to be prison pen pals. How romantic.

We learn that Agent Mahone is just as crazy as Haywire. Sure, Haywire is presently building a raft to take across Lake Michigan to get to Holland. But Mahone confesses that he killed the other guy he had been chasing and hid his body – 10 bucks says it’s under the bird bath – and then kills Tweener! Dagger! I hate Mahone! I would have at least rather seen Tweener get shot trying to escape, but this is just wrong! I can’t believe I’m sad about the Vanilla Ice kid getting it. He was the most tragic figure though - getting caught stealing a valuable baseball card so it's grand larceny, taking it up the ass from a big dude in prison. He was a good kid!

Tonight was also sad because the Dynamic Duo broke up. Michael and Lincoln must be together at all times, dammit! But Lincoln leaves to go pick up his son – I hope he realizes it’s a trap. And then Governor Tancredi bites it. And Sara’s next. And then Sucre turns on the guys and is robbing them of their money. Mike thinks that he and Michael are in on it together and planned it. We’ll see – in THREE WEEKS!!! No frickin’ Prison Break til October 23 and this was one of the best episodes this season! They’re killing me!

Bye Bye Owen

We had a great visit with Owen and family!! He's a great kid and I liked the fact that I could expose him to new things, namely the beach and Chocolate Lucky Charms (snuck one in with the Cheerios). We made lots of good food in the new kitchen, went to the pool a few times, and got up EARLY every morning. Mike and I are beat.


He wears his trunks like a gangster - that's how he rolls.












I think it's safe to say I'm currently Favorite Aunt.