You Have GOT To Be Kidding Me!

OK, so I had read in passing that Kathie Lee Gifford was returning to television. Of course, I just thought "Oh Jesus is that absolutely necessary?" and then moved on. But something struck me in this paragraph I read on EW.com. Let's see if you can spot the shocking news.

Kathie Lee Gifford, who parted with Regis Philbin eight years ago, was on The Today Show this morning to officially announce that she'll be co-hosting its fourth hour with Hoda Kotb come April 7.... We know she'll never be at a loss for words — especially with son Cody, now 6'3", going off to college this fall.

Cody is 18! WTF? Oh my god I wish we could hear from him now and see what he has to say about his mother and all his crap that she talked about on Regis and Kathie Lee. I thought for sure he would have jumped off a building by now. Must. See. These. Kids.

Also - congrats to The Today Show for topping Ann Curry! Can't watch the show now!

Big Brother: Team Christ

Do I need to say anything else? TEAM MOTHER-LOVING CHRIST???!!!! They are so frakking ridiculous.

Anyway, we got 2 surprising revelations from Natalie: 1. She's playing dumb. Right. 2. "My dad hasn't talked to my mom in years." No way! Natalie comes from a broken home and has daddy abandonment issues? Say it ain't so!

Two dudes in a pool swimming around together so that they form a whirlpool is gay, right? RIGHT?!

Nominated: James and Joshuah. Whatevs. Just leave my girl Sharon out of it!

God Frakking Dammit

I have a new crush. I think Katee Sackhoff, aka Starbuck, is the most gorgeous creature on the planet. As of 3:43 this afternoon.

She's the wallpaper on my work computer now. Is that weird? I can't decide if I'm a gay man or a lesbian!

The Reunions Are Always the Best Parts of The Challenges

The reunion special for The Gauntlet 3 was called "Trim the Fat." LOL! Our favorite phrase!

Jillian's face looked weird, I couldn't figure out why. Coral looked smoking hot and was her usual mouthy self. Paula's face was fat and that's good because she's anorexic.

Kenny never hooks up with girls on the Challenges because he doesn't deal with "B rate" girls. And there's no way he was kidding because it's true - they're mediocre and herpes-infected!

Frank and Jillian have moved in together. Brad and Tori have moved in together, though they can't officially say it because she's Miss Virginia and I guess you're not supposed to do that sort of thing. Ew - Rachel and Eric hooked up - ew.

Brooke and Ev are over and Brooke dated Ev's ex-girlfriend. WTF? Johanna and Wes broke up. Let me say that again: Johanna and Wes broke up! YAY! He never deserved her and she deserved better! CT and Diem have allegedly broken up, though they weren't present to confirm.

And I think I officially heart Katie. It's her potty mouth, her craziness, I don't know. Just do.

Top Chef: Not In My House

Not much to say so far this season, but I just wanted to comment that I thought this challenge was cool. The chefs had to cook for a block party using ingredients from the neighbors' houses. How fun to go shopping in people's houses! I didn't think it was too contrived either. Sure, one chick had just gone to the farmers market and had lots of fresh produce. And one chick had a freaking bomb shelter's worth of food, but my parents' pantry is like that too.

They're lucky they didn't have to come to my house. They'd get about 10 Cadbury Mini Eggs, some frozen corn, Honey Nut Cheerios, and Coke Zero. Work with that, chefs!!

Eric lost for his soggy corndogs. I don't like that his team lost in the first place, so he kind of got screwed, but oh well. At least that hottie Ryan and my White Rapper are still in it to win it!

The End of Civilization Part 371

True Confession Time: I used to read the Sweet Valley High books. I have no idea why. I'll pretend it was for ironic purposes.

When the first Sweet Valley High book was published in 1983, Jessica and Elizabeth Wakefield, identical twin heroines of the soon-to-be wildly popular teen fiction series (and subsequent TV spinoff), were described as blonde, beautiful, and a "perfect size 6." Now bid welcome to a new, thinner, Sweet Valley High: Random House is reissuing 12 books from the original series with a few small editorial tweaks, one of which involves the slightly awkward issue of the Wakefield waistline. The twins' "perfect size 6" has been reduced to a "perfect size 4." Kudos, Random House, for not only introducing body-image issues to a whole new generation of young fans, but proudly trumpeting this point in the press release.

source

I really want to go throw up now. And not just to get down to that perfect size 4.

The Hits Just Keep On Coming

First, the news that Prison Break is going to come back next year. And now this, from TV Guide. A decapitated person coming back to life is beyond jumping the shark, yes?

Prison Break fans, prepare to seriously lose your heads.

Sarah Wayne Callies — whose rather ugly contract dispute with producers led to her apparent decapitation last October — is returning next season. Full-time. As Dr. Sara Tancredi. Head and all. Seriously.

How? Why? When? WTF?! All legitimate questions. Good thing I just hung up with Mr. Answer Man (aka executive producer Matt Olmstead).

So... I take it that wasn't Sara's head in that box...
Matt Olmstead: Yeah, that wasn't.

But initially it was supposed to be her head. What changed?
Olmstead: What changed was.... once we realized that the emotional hook of Season 3 was going to be the death of Sara, when we didn't get the actress to do it, as soon as we wrote it and shot it, we realized that there was actually a way she could still be alive. Lincoln glanced at the head in the box for a split second. That could've been anyone. He wasn't about to pull it up from the hair and inspect it closely. And then we were fairly careful thereafter of references we made to that and who took credit for it and what was seen or heard, and we left it fairly [vague]. But initially when we realized that we never actually saw the character get killed, we just had that knowledge in our back pocket and moved forward with the narrative as we intended. Which was, she's out of the picture, Michael's guilt and Lincoln is freaking out because if they did that to her they could do that to his son. It really gave us a real push for the season.

MORE HERE

The X-Files 2 Trailer

I bring you another medium-quality cell phone trailer, this time for The X-Files 2. I've decided I'm 100% for this film. I get chills when I hear the theme song - no S!!!

Big Brother: Welcome to My Nightmare

So tonight's episode was dull. And then my worst nightmare came true - Natalie became Head of Household. I want to stab her through the eye.

Other than that, Chelsia went apeshit and smashed all the Easter eggs (knowing you're going to be evicted does that to someone every year). And she had a crazy rant after she was voted out.

So I'll guess that Natalie puts up James and I guess Joshuah. But I bet James wins the Power of Veto again because he's that good. We shall see.

Big Brother: More Vengeance Talk

Good old Evel Dick came back, waking up the Houseguests by banging on pots and pans. Problem was, it just wasn't as good as last year. I think one of his pots broke and they just weren't as loud as last year. Keep the pot banging spontaneous, I say. He didn't do much in the way of berating the Houseguests either. Evel Dick was too watered-down.

The Veto competition involved drinking funky things and I instantly knew James would win because, well, he's used to drinking funky things. James wins the Power of Veto and takes himself off the block.

Sharon volunteered to go on the block, figuring she'd be safe and Chelsia would go home, and sparing Adam the pain and heartache of having to backdoor someone. Never volunteer!!! It backfires all the time. Sure, it's smart to get rid of Chelsia (and thereby her alliance with James), but you never ever know! And I want Sharon to win!

Right now the competition I'm most interested in is the 3-way race for Houseguest I Most Hate. I was pretty sure it was Sheila. But then Natalie is annoying as hell. And Joshuah's an asshole. So it's really close guys!

Worst News Ever

Fox has picked up a fourth season of Prison Break. The network has ordered 22 episodes of the show, which will resume its run in the fall.

Thirteen episodes of the action-drama aired this season -- averaging 8.2 million viewers -- before the Hollywood writers strike shut down production.

Next season's batch will begin production in May, with shooting relocating from Dallas to Los Angeles (where Season 4's story line takes place).

A spinoff is still in development and will focus on a character that likely will be introduced next season.

No no no. I don't want to watch this show any more. Damn it, what do I do? I suppose I'll withhold judgment until I see who's still in the cast and what the plot is.

Big Brother: Natalie Fills Me With Vengeance and Furious Anger

Goddammit Natalie angers me! And she's the kind of twit that will probably win this thing. "Matty, don't push me away" as he's leaving the house. "It's OK, I'm used to getting close to guys and them departing." That girl is a no-self-esteem-having harpy! And she thinks she's pulling the strings and that she's out for vengeance. I hate that overblown game-playing B.S. VENGEANCE?

Nat prays, gets a sign from God about the number 8, and this somehow leads her to think that Evel Dick is coming back to the house. Funny thing is, he IS coming back on Tuesday. So how weird is that? No more making fun of Natalie - she is truly God's vessel!!!!

Hey Adam, if you didn't want Head of Household you could have... I don't know... not answered the question!! He nominates James and Chelsia. Boooo.

The Frakking Best Frakking Show on Frakking Television

Yeah, I spent the last 6 days watching 20 episodes of Battlestar Galactica, what of it? It's raining this weekend - what was I supposed to do?

I love this frakking show. Either in spite of or because of its sometimes heavy-handed religious and political allegory. It just makes me feel smart. While still being, you know, geek fodder.

While the first and second season dealt with big issues like religion and war, I thought the third season was quite different. I liked how it started, continuing with the war and the insurgency, but somewhere around the middle it changed and did a few self-contained episodes that weren't part of the larger mythology. I still liked them, but felt that the show got back on track once Baltar's trial started. And boy, does BSG know how to end a season. Each season ended so well but I really like this last season's trippiness. 4 of the Final Five Cylons are revealed - and brought together by hearing "All Along the Watchtower." Holy crap I loved that, how it all came together. So spooky. And I dare you to get that song out of your head after watching it.

As if that wasn't enough of an ending, a presumed-dead Starbuck reappears. But here's the thing - she blew the frak up. So is she just a figment of Lee's imagination? I hope not, because we have enough of those people-talking-to-hallucinations things on this show. By which I mean too many.

The other great things about the show - the characters. They are so awesome and so flawed so even when I want to hate one for doing something, that person is so awesome the next minute that I can't. I love them all for different reasons. Every episode it's a new favorite character: Tigh, Roslin, The Chief, Gaeta, Baltar, Starbuck. Maybe there's only one annoyance: yes, I'm talking to you, Helo. But then I gotta love him for being a big, dumb himbo. And I liked him so much the first season trapped on Caprica that I forgive his seeming irrelevance now.

At any rate, I can't wait to finally watch this show live and not have to hide from spoilers any longer.

The Greatest Four Seconds of Television

Ever. This one is dedicated to Mike, who loves Tigh as much as I do. And not in a gay way.

The Gauntlet: You Didn't Cut the Fat

All that talk from the Veterans about "cutting the fat" when it came to the girls. How about cutting the literal fat? They end up losing because big fat Eric practically dies during the final challenge.

But first, we had Adam vs. Danny to see who could get to the final. Adam KICKS DANNY'S ASS and becomes my new hero. Me hate Danny.

It was 6 Rookies vs. 10 Veterans in the final. CT was just harping on Eric while he's half-drowning and then stumbling and bumbling while they're running. Really everyone was berating him - except for Brad. Brad's a good kid. Everybody else is heartless, I guess that's not a big surprise.

So the Vets lose Eric to the hospital, but then they pull ahead of the Rookies because the Rookies can't dig a chest out of the sand. So they finish first. Except... they didn't have all their teammates and so they lose. Rookies win. The Vets were such assholes that I'm glad I guess. If they had just concentrated on the real problem (Eric) instead of the girls they would have won.

This finale was good but the season as a whole kind of blew. What do we need to make the next Gauntlet/Challenge better? Tina? Veronica? Dare I say it - the Miz?

Interesting?

Executive producer David Eick told SCI FI Wire that he's working on a pilot script for a proposed TV series based on Children of Men, P.D. James' SF novel, which also inspired Alfonso Cuaron's 2006 film of the same name.

"It's really taking root more in the origins of the novels in that it will focus on the cultural movement in which young people become the society's utter focus," Eick said in an interview at SCI FI Channel's upfront presentation to advertisers in New York on March 18.

Eick added that Children of Men will question how society defines responsibility, freedom and a sense of values when it doesn't necessarily believe humans will survive as a species. "So it's a very compelling, I think, human question that science fiction has always explored extremely provocatively," he said. "It's not really a war show like the movie was. It's more an exploration of that issue."

Eick is writing Children of Men now, even as he closes out SCI FI Channel's original series Battlestar Galactica and prepares for production on SCI FI's recently green-lighted prequel series Caprica.

Hmmmm. I'm going to keep this show on my radar. Children of Men the movie was freaking incredible. But bleak. BSG is bleak most of the time. So I'm assuming I can look forward to another depressing show! Sounds like it could be good though....

Lost: Let's Take a Few Weeks Off, K?

At first I was all DAGGER! because Lost won't be back til April 24. But really it needs a break because it's been dragging lately. I guess this was the last episode before the writers' strike and it would have really sucked if this had been the season finale.

It was all about Michael. We learn that he and Walt made it back home after escaping the island. But things must not have been good for Michael, as he pins a suicide note to his chest and rams his car into a dumpster. No one likes a quitter, Michael. He survives.

Tom (one of The Others who I think died, yes?) found Michael in an alley and told him, "You can't kill yourself, the island won't let you." He's right because Michael tries to shoot himself a couple times and the gun jams.

Tom, who apparently favors the menfolk (nice), tells Michael that Widmore staged the Oceanic 815 wreckage with some dead Thai people and an old plane. He asks Michael to be an undercover brother on Widmore's freighter (which is out looking for the island) - in order to kill everyone on board. What's Michael's gain in this? Alleviating his guilt for killing those chicks on the island, which he apparently confessed to Walt, and which Walt now hates him for.

So that's how Michael ended up working on the freighter as Kevin Johnson. Ben calls him at one point but I can't remember what he said, some B.S. about not killing everyone on the ship because some are innocent. I guess he was awaiting further orders.

Back on the island next to nothing happened. Ben sent Rousseau, their daughter, and her boyfriend to "the Temple". Boyfriend gets shot. Rousseau gets shot (dagger!). Alex surrenders yelling "I'm Ben's daughter!" Lame-ass ending no. 159.

The preview looked good - the war is on!! It better be!

Big Brother: Boo Hoo

Julie opens the show rocking another outfit too young for her - this flouncy skirt, knee-high boots and ribbed tights.

Matt opens the show by crying like a baby... repeatedly. LOL. He decided to try to get pity votes to save himself. "I don't want to be alone in the Sequester House on my birthday." Ah, the old Birthday Defense. Of course my girls Chelsia and Sharon don't fall for that.

James had all the power this week! Head of Household, Power of Veto, and now he gets to cast the tie-breaking vote. Bye-bye Matty. Will Natalie be less annoying now?

Adam becomes HoH, in typical Adam style, by guessing.

We also got a bonus bit of catch-up with Dick and Daniele from last year, like we needed that. I totally called what the situation was going to be. He's trying to buy her love (look at the new car my Dad bought me; my Dad took me on a trip to Europe) and she clearly wants nothing to do with him. She always looks like she wants to physically get away from him when she's forced to sit next to him, and he desperately wants her to love him. Poor Dick.

Big Brother

Last night, we got another installment of "Bible Buddies". This time they mostly discussed the Bible as it relates to Indiana Jones. But I did have to laugh out loud at Adam's response to the question of where the ark of the covenant is: "History's mysteries, dude." I think I'm going to be using that one myself.

James won the Power of Veto. Right away I was like, "it would be great if he backdoored Matt." Well, it was great because he backdoored Matt. Matt seemed calm about the whole thing, like he expected it. The look on Natalie's face was great.

I've decided Sharon needs to win this game. She's really good at seeing through people's B.S. and playing them well. And she was so giddy during the veto ceremony when she knew what was coming - it was adorable!

Nicely played, James. Now it's Ryan and Matt on the block and I gotta figure Matt will be gone. He was actually crying about it in the Diary Room! Natalie's comment in the Diary Room: "God will avenge me!" History's mysteries, dude.

I Love To Fly

You may not know this about me, but I love to fly. Not in the Foo Fighters/Nathan Petrelli way. No, I like to fly in airplanes. I love the whole experience, from the airport to the snacks to the landing.

Normally, I have to pay extra for the attention the woman in this story received. I don't know why she's suing - she should be paying for this treatment! And she's only 21. Jesus, kid, lighten up.

A 21-year-old Harris County woman filed a lawsuit against American Airlines Monday, alleging her trip to visit family and friends in Los Angeles last spring break turned X-rated.

The $200,000 suit claims a passenger masturbated in the seat next to Centava Dozier on a flight from DFW International Airport to Los Angeles during Dozier's spring break in 2007.

Dozier said she was sitting on an unoccupied row of the plane when it took off and fell asleep. When she woke up, she found a stuck substance in her hair and a man masturbating in the seat next to her.

In the lawsuit, Dozier said she asked airline workers for help and asked that the man, who was not sitting in his assigned seat, be removed, but did not receive any help from the staff aboard the plane.

Officials with American Airlines have maintained that their employees took appropriate action.

The man was arrested when the plane landed.