24

Michael Madsen's back! Jack sends him the video file of Dana/Russian Assassin that proves the Russians are behind Hassan's assassination, so that MM can identify the Russian. Then Jack calls that Blond Journalist from hours ago, the one who was banging Hassan, gives her the scoop and offers to meet her with the evidence.

Dickwad With The Eyes Too Close Together thinks he's so awesome, but Freddie Prinze, Jr. is all, "I know the truth. You're part of the conspiracy. Go to hell." Except he didn't say "go to hell" but he really should have. I hope someone strangles Dickwad before the day is out, and I hope it's Freddie.

Dickwad and Logan pick up the phone conversation between Jack and Blond Journalist and plan to send Assassin to take care of it. So that guy gets a second chance to try to kill Jack Bauer. Chloe sees Dickwad acting sneaky and jumps to (the correct) conclusions.

Logan wants public recognition in the peace process. Of course he does. President Taylor says her press secretary will announce something in time for the 1:00 news. 1:00 news? Who the hell has 1:00 news?

Jack's loose in a Macy's, because... that's where you meet for coffee and conspiracy discussion? Assassin is about to take his shot, and then Michael Madsen swoops in and nabs the Assassin. OH HELL YES! See, he's totally the new Tony. What I wouldn't give to have MM and Tony together in a better season.

Gunfire ensues at the Macy's. Thousands of dollars in clothes are spattered in blood. Jack, Blond Journalist, MM, and the Assassin get away. Someone's going to get tortured in the overstock room!!!!

Dickwad tells Logan he needs to distance himself from the situation, and then President Taylor will take the blame for everything. But Logan wants his public praise, dammit, and isn't prepared to do that. That's my selfish boy!

Chloe goes through Jack's known associates, trying to figure out who's helping him. As if Jack doesn't have half a million known associates at this point in his life.

Jack's version of torture is more like an ass-whooping, as Jack wails on the dude. There's not much talking, just lots of punching, stabbing, and some kind of liquid sprayed into an open wound (acid? lighter fluid?). AND THEN COMES THE BLOWTORCH. Oh holy hell, Jack, you're just having too much fun now. When Jack figures out that the Assassin swallowed his phone's SIM card, the torture ends - because Jack digs through the guy's guts to get it. A bloody SIM card still works and Jack calls the number of the last person to call Assassin - it's Dickwad's voice from "the office of President Charles Logan" You're next, Charles Logan!!! OH SNAP!