Grandpa Goes For a Ride

I'm not excited to see this movie. Indiana Jones is way too old now. And why does it look like Grease? Oh, right, it takes place in the 50s or something, right? Those were pretty fun times.

Crystal Meth Gives You Giant Boobs

I told you Stephanie Tanner would grow up to be the hottest!

Those Wacky Brits

A man has been charged with having sex with his bike.

Robert Stewart was allegedly caught in the act by two terrified cleaners who walked into his bedroom in a hostel. The 51-year-old bachelor was charged with the bizarre sexual offense after he was disturbed by the cleaner and her colleague in a private hostel in Ayr. The charge alleges he conducted himself in a disorderly manner, simulated sex with a bicycle and continued to do so while naked from the waist down in the presence of two female employees.

Maybe I'm trapped in a box. But I can't figure out which part of the bike he was having sex with.

Top Chef

I wasn't going to blog about this week's Top Chef. At this point, there are so many chefs I can't keep them straight, and it wasn't particularly exciting. Until Hung explained a part of his dish: "a transparent chip of skin." Let me say that again. A transparent chip of skin. If I ever put a band together, that's the name! It's freaking genius.

This challenge was a disaster. They had to reinvent classic American dishes to lower their cholesterol. The judges hated on everything. I was disappointed that Tom didn't slam Dale for his use of potato flakes in his dumplings. I expected him to get scolded, but I guess if it was good then it was good.

Could C.J. be any taller? I can't stand Dale's short pants, or maybe they're long shorts, whatever. Bye bye Micah, her dry meatloaf, and her crappy, condescending attitude.

The Real World: Eeeewww

When did Frank become such a douche? He goes out with 3 hot chicks and claims they're all too ugly for him. But he bangs ugly fat chicks when he's drunk. He's a cocky bastard!!

This episode stunk. The dating game thing was such a scripted set-up. And it was all a big ad for The Palms and the Hef Suite. What a surprise that they got to stay there. That's crazy. It's not like they have a camera crew following them or anything.

Do we at least get a good racial fight next week - between Stephen and Alton?

Need Birth Control Advice?

This is why I can't wait for the Knocked Up DVD.

Forget What I Said About Megan Fox

Saggy boobs and bad skin aren't so hot.

Pop Quiz, Hotshot

Do you like:

1) Death-defying stunts performed by a man a bit past his prime?
B) Fighter planes blowing stuff up?
lastly) Lots of shooting and PG-13-rated violence?
fourth) Violence against women?

If you answered "yes" to any of the above, then for god's sake go see Live Free or Die Hard!!! I went over lunchtime with my work buddies, and it's great. The perfect movie to just sit back and enjoy. The only thing missing were the F-words.

The best thing is that three little old ladies were sitting in front of us and they loved it! They were laughing and clapping. Go little old ladies!!

Hell's Kitchen: Now With More Double Entendres!

The Nanny: "I love putting things in my mouth."
"Vinnie is ready to impress Chef Ramsay with his meat."
"Vinnie struggles with his meat."

Heh.

Only in L.A. would they have a restaurant like Opaque, where people eat in the dark.

Every year there has to be a dick customer who wants to complain and be on TV. This year it was a tall chick whom Chef Ramsay called a giraffe.

Chef Ramsay Quote of the Night: "F me senseless!"

Bye bye to Vinnie, his fat chin, and his man boobs. Next week: a wedding reception. Who would agree to have their reception in Hell's Kitchen? Ten bucks says they're actors.

I Told You Ron Weasley Would Grow Up To Be the Hottest!

I'd do all of them, the only decision I have to make is - in what order?

Didn't This Happen in Happy Gilmore?

Keep golfing in Florida!

A man who lost his ball in a golf course pond nearly lost a limb when a nearly 11-foot one-eyed alligator latched on to his arm and pulled him in the water, authorities said. Bruce Burger, 50, was trying to retrieve his ball Monday from a pond on the sixth hole at the Lake Venice Golf Club.

The alligator latched on to Burger's right forearm and pulled him in the pond. Burger used his left arm to beat the reptile until it freed him.

It took seven Fish and Wildlife officers an hour to trap the one-eyed alligator, which measured 10 feet, 11 inches. The pond at the sixth hole has a "Beware of Alligator" sign.

Let This Set the Standard For All Future Gifts

Just received a mixtape in the mail at work. The cover made me laugh out loud when I opened it - and I'm still laughing 10 minutes later. Best of all: no Corinne Bailey Rae or Pink on the CD!

Pearl Strikes Back

This is Why You Should Never Fake Your Death

It's kind of like how I won't lie about being sick, because then I'll probably get sick. Can you say "backfire"?

WWE wrestler Chris Benoit canceled a pay-per-view appearance at the "Vengeance" event in Houston because of "personal reasons" a day before he, his wife and their 7-year-old son were found dead in an apparent murder-suicide.

Investigators believe Benoit killed his wife and son over the weekend and then himself sometime Monday. The bodies were found Monday afternoon in three different rooms of the house on Green Meadow Lane, in a subdivision off a gravel road about two miles from the Whitewater Country Club.

Ballard told The Associated Press a gun was not used in any of the deaths. But he declined to say how the three died.

World Wrestling Entertainment said on its Web site that it asked authorities to check on Benoit and his family after being alerted by friends who received "several curious text messages sent by Benoit early Sunday morning."

Awwww

Look at the little Tiger.

This Weekend's Theme: Ummm.... Dead People?

We saw 1408 on Saturday. It was scar-eeee! I'm a sucker for the stereotypical scary movie stuff - loud noises, ghostly people, creepy children with big eyes. John Cusack is great in the movie, and elevates the material. He provides a little comic relief whenever it's needed. He plays a guy who writes books about haunted hotels. His daughter recently died. He stays in Room 1408 and the fun begins. Creepy creepy. Of course the dead daughter visits him. It's great stuff - I was the kind of scared where I just giggle because I'm so terrified. At one point I whispered to Mike, "I hate you. I'm going to kill you." - because he had made me watch the movie. But I enjoyed being scared in the end. Good times.

I had to see A Mighty Heart by myself, so I went Sunday while Mike golfed. It's really, really good. I was prepared for a depressing movie where I'd bawl my eyes out. But it wasn't too depressing. I mean, you already know what happens at the end, so maybe that helps. The movie made me more anxious than sad. Half the movie focuses on the search for Daniel Pearl by the Pakistani police, complete with raids and interrogations. Trying to solve the kidnapping is very interesting. The other half of the movie is of course focused on the pregnant Mariane Pearl. Her fellow journalists are there to support her, and there are some really beautiful little moments with them, reading What to Expect When You're Expecting and making sure she eats.

I thought Angelina did a really great, understated job with this part. She plays Mariane as very strong, keeping emotion reigned in until the moment she finds out Daniel is really dead. Even after Daniel's death, Mariane was on television asking people to remember other journalists and victims of terrorism. It's not heartbreaking, but it's not uplifting, it felt more like a matter-of-fact documentary to me. But maybe that's because I have no feelings.

Do It, Jessica!

If we can just get Jessica in the car with Lane Garrison behind the wheel, my wish might come true! Sadly, she was the one driving.

Who's Your Caddy?

I am not ashamed to admit that this trailer made me laugh out loud yesterday. No fewer than 3 times! The Johnny Cochran joke, the "my mouth was open", and the fat guy - I'll see you there, Big Boi!

Good Thing I'm Too Old For This S

My favorite amusement park ride is usually the drop tower. My biggest concern was always losing a shoe. This is why I no longer like to live dangerously. (At least they recovered the feet!)

A 13-year-old girl's feet were completely amputated just below the ankle Thursday afternoon while riding the Superman Tower of Power at Six Flags Kentucky Kingdom in Louisville. Her feet were recovered by Six Flags staff and were sent to the hospital with her. Drop-tower thrill rides shut down at parks across the country, the AP reports.

Hottie of the Week

This week's hottie - Zoe Kravitz, daughter of Lenny Kravitz and Lisa Bonet. Keep an eye on this one; she's strong! Sad thing: I remember when she was born. Now she's 18. Kill me now!

Another Cutie

Since there's nothing going on today, and Real World and Top Chef weren't particularly blog-worthy, I'll just post this picture of adorable Zahara Jolie-Pitt. LOVE the Black Sabbath tee shirt - she's a rock star!

Celebrity Baby Face Off

Who's cuter: Isabella Damon or Violet Affleck?

Poll: Is This a Gay Mix Tape?

Or the Gayest Mix Tape EVER?

1. The Sweet Escape / Gwen Stefani
2. U + Ur Hand / Pink
3. Promiscuous Girl / Nelly Furtado
4. Unfaithful / Rihanna
5. Give It To Me / Timbaland
6. Wait For You / Elliott Yamin
7. Smile / Lily Allen
8. Say It Right / Nelly Furtado
9. Umbrella (feat. Jay-Z) / Rihanna
10. SexyBack / Justin Timberlake
11. Home / Daughtry
12. Put Your Records On / Corinne Bailey Rae
13. Summer Love / Justin Timberlake
14. Cupids Chokehold / Gym Class Heroes
15. This is Why I'm Hot / MIMS
16. Never Again / Kelly Clarkson
17. Shut Up and Drive / Rihanna
18. Maneater / Nelly Furtado
19. Makes Me Wonder / Maroon 5

My opinion: the Pink and certainly the Corinne Bailey Rae put it OVER THE TOP! Not a fan of Rihanna or Maroon 5 either. Otherwise, make a copy for me, dude!

Noooooooooooo!

I need the emo bangs back! *sob*

It's Just Wrong

Suri is freaking adorable.

What Do You Wish?

I wish I didn't have the Bette Midler song, "From a Distance" stuck in my head this morning.

I Slept on This Hell's Kitchen Recap

I am so sad that Aaron is gone. He was truly one of the great reality show contestants. I mean, the man was cramping getting out of bed. Two guys had to help him get dressed. Then he fainted - hard - in the challenge, banging his head on the counter. LOL! After being hospitalized, Chef Ramsay told him to go home. Dagger! Without him the show isn't as entertaining. Aaron made Hell's Kitchen a sitcom.

Julia rocked the breakfast challenge because she works at a Waffle House. I've been to a Waffle House - they do move fast. Julia also loves to put her fingers in the food. I've been to a Waffle House - they do love to put their fingers in your food. (Still good!) Again, these aren't real chefs - if you can't make hash browns you are probably a 7 year-old child. Or Joanna. Seriously, all she had to do was heat them the whole way through. Pretty hard.

I wish Chef Ramsay had seen Jen digging spaghetti out of the trash, washing it, quickly re-boiling it, and attempting to serve it. I think we would have had our first reality show beheading. She should have been gone for that, because that's just plain gross. But so is Joanna and her rancid crab. I was sick of her voice anyway. Smell ya later, Joanna!

Megan Fox Isn't

This chick is in Transformers. Normally I wouldn't notice, as I am distracted by the awesome transforming airplane and helicopter. But this chick is smoking hot. At least I used to think so. Until this Marilyn Monroe tattoo on her right arm killed it for me. The poetry tattooed on her back just stunned it. Now it's dead.

You tried too hard to be the new Angelina, sweetie!

It Really Was Baby Day Yesterday!

Keri Russell and Elin Nordegren (wife of Tiger Woods) also gave birth recently. Keri and husband Shane Deary had a son named River Russell on June 9. Tiger and Elin had a daughter named Sam Alexis on Monday.

I want to see this Tiger kid because it's either going to be fugly or the most gorgeous thing ever.

Reliable sources say that Nicole Ritchie is pregnant. Those reliable sources being friends of Joel Madden's family who are friends with people on a radio show I listen to. Doesn't get any more reliable than that. Also...is Katie Holmes pregnant? Stay tuned!

In Gay News.....

Since Return to New York, the 2001 season of the hit Real World franchise, Coral Smith has become an MTV reality show superstar. Now the curvaceous San Francisco native faces her biggest obstacle: coming out!

Dating men for the majority of her TV career, Coral says she is now exploring her "lesbian qualities." During a recent "Gay Day" appearance at Paramount’s Great America, a northern California theme park, the beautiful celebutante discussed why she’s considering a return to reality TV, her coming out process, and says she’s never been a "politics person."

What is your sexual orientation? You dated men on Real World.
Oh, yeah. It’s very cloudy at this point in time. I’m definitely venturing toward my lesbian qualities. It’s been a long time coming. At that time, I was really unsure.

Do you feel a sense of responsibility now that you’re coming out?
I guess I get a little nervous. Just saying it is a little . . . It’s a little surreal. I’m not scared. I walk around holding hands. It’s not a problem for me, but I do fear backlash to some degree. Everyone has something negative to say, and I don’t really want to deal with it.

You go girl! Plus, this is a nice excuse to feature some Grade A tatas on this site.

Something For The Nerds To Rub One Out To

The new bat bike a/k/a The Bat Pod. Looks like a Big Wheel to me!

It's Celebrity Baby Day

Julia Roberts has welcomed her third child, a boy named Henry Daniel Moder. Henry was born Monday in Los Angeles and weighed 8½ lbs. "The Moder family is doing great," Roberts's rep, Marcy Engelman, tells PEOPLE exclusively.

Roberts, 39, and husband Danny Moder, 38, are already parents to twins Hazel and Phinnaeus, who turned 2 in November.

After Hazel and Phinnaeus, Henry is rather tame and normal. It's cute.

Goddamn!!!

I said God day-um!

Fugly Baby of the Week

This is one of Marcia Cross's kids, and wow is this kid funny looking.

OMG

Like, the BFFs totally go on vacation together for Father's Day! I'm like dying over here!

This Weekend's Theme: Surfing

Surf's Up is freaking adorable. It's done in a documentary style so it makes it a little more grown-up. There's enough physical comedy to keep kids laughing (seriously, what is with kids laughing every time someone bumps their knee?), but I enjoyed the S out of it. And I have a general dislike for animated films. The animation was very realistic. As realistic as you can get with penguins surfing. Also cool - they used contemporary music in it (like a documentary would), not this Randy Newman crap. Also, I totally want a baby penguin now. Maybe just a stuffed one.
I'm pretty ashamed to say I also enjoyed Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. I just watched the first one and liked that too! For some reason, the candy-coated superhero movie thing works for me. (On the other hand, I hated Ghost Rider, even though someone told me I'd enjoy it.) The Silver Surfer is the best part of the movie. It's not without its flaws, but it's entertaining. As long as you can get past how odd Jessica Alba looks with fake blue eyes and blond hair.

Get Your Week Started Off Right

BARF!

I Am So Sick of Tyra

Doesn't this bitch know that it's the Daytime Emmy Awards? It's not the freaking Hollywood Honors Tyra Banks show!

Top Chef: Speaking of Testicles....

About the only contestant I can remember from this week's premiere of Top Chef is the big giant Lurch with the false testicle. How conceited are you if you get a false testicle? Or maybe it throws you off balance without it. I wouldn't know.

Well, I also remember the big lesbian and the white chick with the Jamaican accent. And Clay, the southern bumpkin without a culinary degree whose chef father committed suicide. He should have done well on the "weird meat" challenge considering his southern/Cajun/Creole cooking experience. But instead he was booted. And I like Tre, who won the challenge.

The challenge was enough to make me want to puke. I was eating dinner while watching, dammit! They cooked with "exotic" meats - rattlesnake, geoduck, kangaroo, and black chicken??!! WTF is a black chicken? It's a chicken that's black is what it is. It was the grossest thing I've ever seen.

I Love Those Crazy Brits!

A woman who ripped off her ex-boyfriend's testicle with her bare hands has been sent to prison.

Amanda Monti, 24, flew into a rage when Geoffrey Jones, 37, rejected her advances at the end of a house party, Liverpool Crown Court heard. She pulled off his left testicle and tried to swallow it, before spitting it out. A friend handed it back to Mr Jones saying: "That's yours."

In his statement, Mr. Jones said she grabbed his genitals and "pulled hard". He added: "That caused my underpants to come off and I found I was completely naked and in excruciating pain."

The court heard that a friend saw Monti put Mr. Jones's testicle into her mouth and try to swallow it. She choked and spat it back into her hand before the friend grabbed it and gave it back to Mr Jones. Doctors were unable to re-attach the organ.

Posh Invades America

I gotta respect a woman who goes on The Today Show and can't be bothered to tape down her nipples. (click the pic for larger, if you dare)

Real World: Challenges Suck, Reunions are Cool

The only thing I learned from The Inferno this week is that steroids make your face break out (Derrick!). The shocking looked fake and the trivia challenges are always the lamest. You always have an idiot like Derrick. C.T. leaving is the reason Derrick’s there, and yet he doesn’t answer that C.T. was the first to leave. F-ing retard. Pretty smart to pick Aneesa for the Inferno, when it would make more sense to have her in the finals to let down her team. Evs.

Now to The Giant Ad for the Palms. Damn, I want to stay in the basketball suite. Actually, the bowling suite would be really awesome. When the guys were playing basketball against the chicks in the suite, they made it seem like the girls were really good. I was thinking that they were undercover WNBA players or something. But the final score was 15 to 2. Huh? The Real World confuses me.

It was a Sausage Fest "bachelor party" and a lamer "bachelorette party." It’s not a party til Trishelle is working the stripper pole. She said she took pole dancing classes for a movie role. Actresses actually do research to star in Vampire Cheerleaders??

"Gleek" is a new word for me. Or is it "gleak"? Frank and Alton both knew what it was – spitting water from your mouth. But it’s not spit. It’s water. It’s still gross.

I loved the end when Arissa was raving out about how trashed the suite was – and Stephen and Trishelle were so f’ed up it was hysterical. So slurry! Arissa packs her stuff and says she’s leaving. You only have to live there two weeks, girl! Suck it up!

Dear Kelly, SOB! - Jen

From Kelly Clarkson's website:

"I can't tell you how much I've been looking forward to getting out there to perform for y'all. In the craziness of the music business, performing is what I look forward to doing the most, so it really is disappointing for me to have to tell you that I won't be coming out to tour this summer. The fact is that touring is just too much too soon.

But I promise you that we're going to get back out there as soon as is humanly possible to give you a show that will be even better.

Thanks for all of your love and continued support."

— Kelly

Wow. This chick's career is really tanking hard. Oh well, I'm still a fan!

It's Just Wrong

This bitch is wearing a $26 dress. Angelina cares about the children, people!

What's Going On?

Is Vince McMahon dead? And why do I even care? I heard on the radio that he died in a limo explosion. But I can't find it on any news websites. The WWE website claims he's dead and the FBI is investigating, but this has to be a WWE hoax, right? Like he's going to rise from the ashes on the next WWE Main Event or whatever?

Help me! I'm going to a meeting and can't investigate. WTF is going on??

Surprise: Watching Dudes Beat Up On Each Other is FUN!

We checked out the UFC fights at the Hard Rock last night. It was a really good time. What's not to love about loud-ass rock and rap music and dudes fighting each other? With no gloves or protective gear of any kind. One fight lasted 13 seconds. One was really boring - the dudes were getting booed because it was like a lame boxing match. The winner of that fight actually apologized to the crowd - UFC fighters don't apologize!! I like the different styles of fighting - some dudes box, some dudes wrestle, some dudes lay on the ground and attack with their legs. At least two dudes got body slammed. Two dudes passed out and one of them was taken out on a stretcher. A bloody ear, some bloody mouths. All in all, a great night out!

Elisha is Losing It

Looking a little bit like Hillary Clinton!

Real Worlders Death Caused by... Me?

Frankie Abernathy, from The Real World: San Diego back in 2004, has died after a bout with the cystic fibrosis that helped make her something of an outcast on the show.

She was 25.

Not only did I recently inquire as to what Frankie was up to, I also recently discussed the death of a former Road Ruler, Michele the Dallas Cowboy cheerleader. Coincidence? You decide. RIP Frankie.

A Collage of Britney

Just because I love her so. And complete with a lil nip-slip.

Sopranos: What. Was. That.

Wha???

Tonight's series finale had everything you could want in an episode. It was truly an "explosive finale" - if you count AJ's SUV catching fire in the woods. But the fun doesn't stop there. We also have a cat that stares at a picture of Christopher. AJ wanting to join the Army, but then deciding against it once his parents buy him a BMW and give him a job as assistant to a movie producer. Me wanting to murder AJ in every scene he was in. Janice giving more “woe is me” crap. And, last but not least, a final scene involving the family sitting down to dinner at a restaurant -- and no fewer than 3 shots of Meadow trying to parallel park!!! -- set to Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’”. Yeah, that seems like a great way to end a great show. I actually thought my picture and sound cut out. The last line of an iconic series was about onion rings? The screen went blank for a good 30 seconds, and I just laughed and laughed. Ugh.

You can't argue with the sequence where Phil was killed though. Shot in the head in front of his wife, SUV runs over his head, kid in the parking lot puking. Totally rewind-worthy.

H is the Greatest Visitor

Because we don't have to have plans. We spent about 3 hours yesterday going back and forth guessing the Top 10 grossing actresses, actors, and movies. It was jolly good fun, and ended up being a statistical tie. We are perfectly matched.

Today we saw Ocean's 13, which was really fun. And then we posed for some pictures.

F-ing Brilliant

Love this post.
A judge orders Paris Hilton back to jail, CNN confirms. She was taken from court screaming, The Associated Press reports. I'm going back to jail. Waaahhh.

This Makes... Sense??

Brian Billick was a graduation speaker at Johns Hopkins recently. There he
imparted some mighty fine words of wisdom on the graduating class.
"In a bacon-and-egg breakfast, the chicken is involved, but the pig is
committed," Billick said from the lectern at Hopkins' lacrosse field. "Be
that pig."

Top Chef Smackdown

Thank goodness Top Chef is coming back. It's an actual food competition where the chefs get to make their own recipes, as opposed to the Hell's Kitchen way, which has the chefs cooking the same recipes in the same groups every time. Boooooring.

We were treated to a smackdown of the Top 4 of Season 1 v. the Top 4 of Season 2, which is awesome!!! I'd kill to be a judge there. Nothing really changed with any of the people. Harold still giving off that slightly creepy vibe while being super-talented. Dave freaking out in the kitchen. Marcel making foams. No shocker - Season 1 wins. They are clearly the most talented, and professional. That's my main complaint about Season 2 - they just weren't professional. They were more like a frat of jerk-offs who occasionally cooked. I like to see people live and breathe food. I remember Season 1 making meals at their house together. Season 2 just had a lot of in-fighting and head-shaving.

I hope Season 3 is good. I already hate the Asian guy - because he's friends with Marcel and seems like the same kind of jerk. Lots of young people this season too. I heard Tom raided the kitchens of New York himself for Executive Chefs, so that at least they would have a lot of professional contestants.

Shoot 'Em Up

Holy crap, this movie just popped onto my radar in a big way. Clive Owen, Paul Giamatti, and a lot of guns. Not sure I need to describe it further.

Thundercats: HO!

More than 20 years after they put their first hurtin' on the evil Mumm-Ra and his band of bad guys, Lion-O, Panthra, Snarf and the rest of the Thundercats are finally going to kick some ass on the big screen!

Warner Bros. has put plans in motion to turn the cult '80s cartoon classic into a live-action project.

The upcoming adventure flick, set to be produced by Paula Weinstein, Dick Robertson and Lew Korman -- falls on the heels of plans to bring He-Man to theaters as well. No timetable has been set yet for a release.

Well this is a no-brainer. I'll try to get some scoop at Comic-Con.

The Real Worlds

My thoughts on The Inferno:

Ace has penis envy (of Alton)
(Janelle + Aneesa + Jenn) * swimsuits = WRONG!
Ev has worse 'roid rage than any of the guys. Sunburn much?
Nice awkward non-sequitur Orbit gum product placement.
Jesus, Tonya's still there? Why isn't she DOING anything?

And on Reunited...

I'm sorry, is this still The Real World, or is it a Palms infomercial?

Stephen throws a girl in the pool and gets banned. Such drama!! Just what the head of the high rollers needs - a bunch of drunk douches continually calling him and petitioning to get back in the pool. I guess he's used to it. And it works.

Brynn's smoking. Aaaaaand she just lost all the points she got back.

Angelina Sorbet

Points for Boldness??

You know I love Posh, but what the F? Is this really an outfit?

Welcome to My Hell ('s Kitchen)

Ugh. This time of year again. I love to hate Hell's Kitchen; Mike loves it. What don't I like about this show? Let's see: the entire production. They replay the minute before a commercial break when they come back from the commercial break. The music. The "dramatic" pauses. The customers and how they bitch about a free meal just so they can be on TV. The narrator!!

Also, these people aren't chefs. They're cooks. One of them is a "nanny/personal chef" which you know just means that she makes chicken nuggets and mac and cheese for the kids every day. Another works at the Waffle House.

First impressions of some people:

Eddie: "What is it?" Oh my god, he's 5'2", has some disease, and looks like a Munchkin. It's just cruel to have him on the show.

Aaron: I don't know if I should call him The Fat Crying Asian or The Gay Slightly-Retarded Asian Cowboy. He's "slow", right?

Rock: I like him. The only thing he did wrong was use frozen gnocchi. Dagger!

Crying episodes: 4.
Chef Ramsey quote of the night: "That tastes like gnat piss."

How Can You Not Want to See this Movie???

Holy crap I about died when I saw this last night. This will be the Movie of the Summer!!

Knocked Up

As a wise man once said, "It was good for a romantic comedy.....compared to You Got Mail or anything with Jennifer Lopez. But it was only OK compared to Something about Mary, The 40 Year Old Virgin, and anything with Will Ferrell."

Don't get me wrong -- I laughed. Hard. But this movie was more in the vein of a romantic comedy, so don't expect a dumb gross-out comedy, like I was. If you were ever pregnant you'd probably find it funnier too. My boy Jonah Hill steals the f-ing movie, as he usually does.

P.S.: It's also worth it to see Seacrest drop the F bomb. His scene's good too.

Sopranos: Some S Finally Went Down

R.I.P. Bobby. (sad face) I loved Bobby, but mostly I'm sad he's dead because now Janice will have even more to mope about and those poor kids have to be raised by her. Why, oh why, couldn't she have been shot as well?

Pretty great episode. Phil orders hits on the top guys - Bobby, Silvio, and Tony himself. Tony's crew attempts to take out Phil, but takes out a guy who kind of looks like him instead. Tony's crew really is a mess. Sil also gets shot, but is still alive but not in good shape. Now they're gunning for Tony. Tony was in full-on panic mode, telling Carm to take the kids and leave, smacking AJ out of his depression.

Last episode next week!!

I'm Going to Comic-Con Baby!

At the end of July we're flying to San Diego for Comic-Con. I'm excited, not just because it's the largest gathering of nerds on Earth, but also because I've never been west of Phoenix. Can't wait to go to Cali! Of course, I'll be in a convention center with other pasty people, not enjoying the sights.

Comic-Con is pretty mainstream at this point, all kinds of movies and TV shows show up and debut clips, trailers, and even whole films and TV shows. Lost and Heroes are going to be represented this year. I'm keeping my fingers crossed for some previews of The Dark Knight.

Discovered by the Germans in 1904, they named it San Diego, which of course in German means a whale's vagina.

Greatest. Commerical. Ever.

And would totally work for my company....