SYTYCD: Performances

Always a million bloody performances on the first night.

Judge of the Night: Adam Shankman. YAY! Thanks for the Step Up 3D shout-out, dude. I'll be there opening night!!

1. Jeanine and Phillip (yes!): Hip Hop (yes!) by Tabitha & Napoleon (yes!). I love Phillip the Popper and knew it would be good because of him. But Jeanine was good too - especially for a boring white chick.

2. Asuka and Vitolio: Broadway by Tyce Diorio. I love Asuka - she's the Asian ballroom dancer. The choreography was so strange and dull and phony. I'm sure they were good technically, but I didn't really connect to the piece. Yes, I connect to pieces on this show!!

3. Karla and Jonathan: Cha-Cha by Tony Meredith. Jonathan bores me already. The choreography and Karla were hot and fun though.

4. Randi and Evan: Jazz by Tyce Diorio. These 2 are a weird combination: short perky cheerleader and short pasty weirdo. It was nice. I always like faster numbers better, but they did really well.

5. Paris and Tony: Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It's Tony's style, but I hate Paris. I hate her, but she was great!! It was a fun piece too. Meanwhile, the judges were kind of underwhelmed. Oh hell, what do I know - I really liked it. I guess I should go back to hating Paris.

6. Caitlin (annoys me!) and Jason (kicks ass!): Bollywood by Some Indian Guy. Sweet! They brought back Bollywood! And of course they danced to "Jai Ho". America still has Slumdog fever. It was CRAZY GOOD! And it'll be crazy memorable to the voters too. It was so fast and sharp and good.

7. Janette and Brandon: Foxtrot by Some Dude I Don't Know. It was lovely and fine. Ballroom usually bores me anyway. You can tell Brandon is really strong.

8. Ashley and Kupono: Jazz by Wade Robson (Wade's back!). It was a crazy/bizarre/cool crash test dummy number; one of those great performance pieces. And the dancers were great.

9. Melissa and Ade: Contemporary by Mandy Moore. Melissa's a 29-year-old ballerina. Wow, that's ancient! I'm pretty sure he almost dropped her at one point. But maybe not because the judges loved it and Adam cried. I wasn't as blown away as they were. It was flowy and fine, but it was a Richard Marx song. Come on.

10. Kayla and Max: Samba by That Dude I Don't Know. Max falls into the Skeevy Russian category for me. He was good, of course, since he's a ballroom dancer. She really surprised me though - she burst out with all of this energy! I didn't really like her at first, but she was great!

Mary Murphy cracked me up when she was all, "I can't raise my eyebrows because of the Botox." She can shriek all she wants; I love her too, dammit.

One thing I noticed: these people have really weirdly-shaped heads. No really. Check it out. At least half of them are really strange looking in some way. Good thing I'm perfect.