The Event

So this show is back. Great. For 2 hours tonight. Greater.

The aliens launched a communications satellite to send a message into deep space. The government works to figure out what they said, because the satellite self-destructed right after. They've got the first line of the message: "Preparations are being made for your arrival." AWESOME! See, cuz I like this show in concept -- and when it's not about That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend. Have they died yet?

Sophia and Alien Asian Hottie are working to figure out where Thomas is so they can stop him from doing whatever the hell it is he's doing. Who knows. He's in Tibet, where they're working on some huge communications array.

Virginia Madsen has joined the cast as the meddling wife-now-Senator of a dead Senator from Alaska, who insists on sticking her nose into just what the hell is going on at that alien prison in her state. President Underwood puts her in her place and tells her to mind her business.

Bad news! That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend are alive, and still sorting through the burned case files that prove her dad's an alien. She just assumes it's all some vast Photoshop conspiracy. Some chick shows up and there's lots of horrible tough-guy acting. Putting your hand around a chick's throat doesn't make you Jack Bauer, Sean. Ass. The chick doesn't really tell them much, other than that Leila and her sister are special because their father doesn't age at a normal rate. Yeah, thanks - we get it - he's an alien. Also, her sister was taken away in a white van.

Leila's father, Michael, is freed from his prison transport van by Alien Asian Hottie. He's a bit of a pariah in the alien community, not just because he piloted the plane that nearly killed Sophia, but also because he was never supposed to have those dumb daughters of his.

That Annoying Prick Sean and His Dumb Girlfriend find that white van awfully quickly. What ensues is a laughably-poor-quality car chase/ramming. I've seen better car chases on old episodes of The Dukes of Hazzard. It's 2011, bitches. They save Leila's sister and run. Awesome - now they have a kid dragging them down! Actually, they could probably use the brainpower....

As a condition for helping Sophia find Thomas, Michael insists on seeing his daughters, so they rendezvous in an oil field somewhere. Seriously. And Leila treats her dad like he's contagious. Newsflash, bitch - if he's an alien, so are you. Was he supposed to bring it up when you were in kindergarten or something? Die.

Thomas and Friends break into the Alaskan alien prison to free all of their pals. Director Sterling is there for a visit, so Thomas is excited to take his ass out. Sterling's good with a gun though, so he puts up a fight. He gets shot in the back/rib area, and eventually captured, but is still pretty badass. He even escapes after a good beating and another gunshot wound. And now he's in an Alaskan blizzard, bleeding everywhere. That can't be good.

Sophia and Sean are talking in a kitchen. Wait - did I fall asleep? How did this happen? She lets him know what's at stake - if Thomas is able to get all the aliens down to the Lower 48, the U.S. (if not the world) is going to be destroyed.

Leila's Alien Father tells her that the aliens are from a place called NGC253. "What am I?" Leila yells. Really, sweetie? You're a freak. Duhhhhh. He tells her they have to get out of here (wherever here is - still the oil field?) -- but that Sean can't come with them, cuz he knows too much already. Plus he's annoying.

Senator Madsen goes on Hardball to discuss the Alaskan prison. She takes calls during commercial breaks, and President Underwood calls her to get her to shut up. Really? She A) is taking calls on set and B) has a freaking microphone on while talking with the President. Add those together with Chris Matthews, and he should really be pushing harder to get at what this "secret government program" is. She gives him some political soundbite-speak answer.

Sean leaves while Leila's sleeping, I guess so she doesn't have to make the choice between his dumb ass and her father's dumb ass. Now he's off wandering around again, and Hal Holbrook wants to find him for some reason. Who the hell knows.

BUT THE WORST PART OF THIS WHOLE THING? THEY ARE USING A LINKIN PARK SONG OVER THE "THIS SEASON ON THE EVENT" CLIPS. NOOOOOO!!!! Leave Linkin Park out of this, you bastards. You've done enough.