The Event

That Annoying Prick Sean and That Chick are on the run from the bumbling, inept Secret Service. Sean makes the "I'll expose your son's location" threat for the 100th time to keep That Chick around. Cuz it's time for a road trip to France!!!!

The Alien Meeting Place is surrounded and ready for a good bombing. President Underwood gives Sophia 10 minutes to get her people to surrender. Sterling wants the aliens kept alive so they can be questioned, but President Underwood really has a hard-on for some alien extermination.

Sophia and Thomas try to get their man to "portal" them out of there. I guess we're making that a verb now? Portal? He doesn't have the fuel required to transport all of the aliens, so instead he makes an earthquake at the White House. And the motherlovin' Washington Monument collapses and gets swallowed up into the ground. Is that all you got? It's just a worthless tourist trap anyway.

Sophia calls back with a demand - get us some buses and a plane or else DC gets destroyed. Alright, so she's not trying to make nice any longer....

That Annoying Prick Sean and That Chick are on a private plane to France - what, no boat that crosses the ocean in 4 hours? She video-chats with her mom to check on her son, and they find out the Washington Monument has been destroyed.

Over in France, Hal Holbrook visits an archeological dig he's been funding. The guy who's doing his digging entered some chamber that he wasn't supposed to, so Hal Holbrook kills him. Then he brings some other guy into the chamber, which leads to a cave painting of guardian angels. One of the symbols matches a tattoo on Hal Holbrook's arm. It's all so shocking!

Thomas and Sophia are doing a lot of talking, but all I'm focused on is this lisp Thomas has developed. Never noticed it before. And now it's ALL I hear. Cuz they're just rambling on and on about leadership and stuff. When Thomas says, "sixty-six years" it makes my skin crawl. They end up hugging and practically making out, so I guess all is forgiven now.

Sterling picks now to remember that Thomas was the lab tech when Alien Asian Hottie had his blood test done and passed as human. Seriously -- he suddenly, conveniently realizes this? Lame.

Hey guess what - Our Favorite Idiots are in France, heading to a safehouse. Good thing she has all these connections that no one uses to track them down. We know it's France because there is soup and baguettes and wine. That Chick and New, Annoying French Dude catch up and tell stupid old stories. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Back at the House of Aliens, Leila is all bitchy with her father. "Is it true? About the Monument?" I know, right? A monument! How dare they!!!! I hope she gets a bullet between those big eyes.

The buses approach the House of Aliens, and Sophia gives her 687th speech about remaining calm and standing strong and showing President Underwood what's what. President Underwood and Sterling decode a phone conversation between Alien Asian Hottie and Sophia (I missed that entire process, but I'm sure it was pointless and out-of-nowhere) where she tells him that she's bluffing and doesn't have the fuel to destroy DC just yet. President Hard-On For War orders a bus bombing. The first bus (the one that contains all the no-name aliens) is destroyed.

And now Portal Guy has enough fuel to "portal" one bus only!! Thomas tells him to save Sophia's bus. Her bus (which conveniently also contains Leila) is whisked away to safety while Thomas's blows the eff up. Finally - no more lisp.