Wiggles News

The hugely popular children's group The Wiggles is expected this week to announce the departure of its lead singer because of a serious illness, media reports said Wednesday. The 34-year-old known for his bright yellow T-shirt has been undergoing medical treatment since June after experiencing fainting spells and lethargy, the reports said.

Hmmm. What kind of mystery illness could this be? I'm willing to bet we call it by its initials. Get him some broth and a robe!

24 News(?)

Here is a link to a behind the scenes tour of 24 from FOX News. I found it incredibly difficult to make the video work. (Imagine that, FOX News pissing me off.) But I finally watched it. It's a nice behind-the-scenes tour given by Jon Cassar and - wait for it - Carlos Bernard! WTF is he doing there? Sure, he could have just been visiting his old friends. But they discuss the "alleged" death of Tony Almeida. I think the more likely scenario is that they found out how livid I was that they killed off Tony and they decided to bring him back. OK, 24. I'll watch.

Heroes: Gonna Go Back in Time

Heroes is now perfect. I couldn’t stand the narrator over the “previously on” segment. As if the audience isn’t smart enough to be able to piece together clips, and needs a narrator to spoon feed it. And now he is gone!! Replaced by a Mohinder voiceover, which is better suited for the “previously ons” anyway. OMG it’s perfect now!

Heroes: second only to Prison Break in homoeroticism between brothers. Nathan kissed Peter tonight and I squealed. The internets will be lit up over this tonight.

This episode took place “Six Months Ago”. We saw the accident that paralyzed Nathan’s wife. He flew out of the car, escaping the crash. Did he do that on purpose, or was it just an instinct that took over? I was eating up all the back story like Sylar eats up brains. Can’t get enough. Interesting to see that Sylar is really just a Clark Kent lookalike with Daddy issues. Who figures out how to absorb powers by killing Heroes.

This show was totally emotional. I just love the relationships, especially between Claire and her dad. Too cute! Hiro went back in time to save Charlie, but it’s revealed that she has a brain tumor. So she’s going to die anyway. Too tragic!

IF YOU DON’T THINK NEXT WEEK IS GOING TO BE OFF THE CHAIN YOU’RE CRAZY. A Hero is lost forever! A big twist ending! And then no more til next year. Next week is going to be money.

Prison Break Rules Again

Let me stop running around and screaming long enough to blog this. First, it’s so good to see my old friend Fox River Penitentiary again. I missed you, Papi. The Brothers are captured by Border Patrol – I guess we can thank Bush’s tightening of America’s borders for this.

Mahone and Kellerman are two magnificent bastards. For that matter, so is T-Bag. How does he keep seducing women? Oh who am I kidding, I’d do him. Kellerman and Mahone set a trap for the Brothers, leaving the keys in the transport vehicle. They knew it was a trap, but still decided to go for it. Tons of Blue Steel as Mahone and Michael stare each other down. I figured either Kellerman or Mahone would flip. Mike totally predicted that Kellerman would shoot Mahone. RIP Mahone. He was awesome. But Kellerman is awesomer!!! The President dissed him and Kellerman does not like to be dissed. Again I say, AWESOME!!!

What freaking bar did T-Bag go to where there was more than one person with a prosthetic hand? Was it some kind of veterans’ bar? And even if it was, would a veterans’ bar have that many people missing hands? Whatever. Improbability No. 658 for Prison Break. T-Bag ends up at his old girlfriend’s house – she is dead meat. T-Bag is sure leaving a trail.

No. 659: Bellick has the world’s fastest plea bargain, sentencing, and transport, as he ends up in Fox River. Is he really dumb enough to request to go there? I can see how he thinks he’d be protected by his buddies and sent to ad seg. Too bad for him there’s a new warden in town – and he ends up with Avocado as his cellie!!! I totally called that – that’s awesome. And nice shot of Bellick looking through his cell bars, duplicating the shot of Michael last year. Oh, and I liked the shots of them running through tunnels, mimicking the prison.

Now I have to wait until January 22nd for a newbie? At least it was a great Fall Finale. Do you hear me, Lost?

Scavenger Hunt

I'm almost famous! You can find my name in a magazine on newsstands now. First one to find it gets a kiss. Good luck!

Save This Kid Part 2

This kid had a 5% chance of being normal. Now it's all over.

Short-Ass Hollywood Wedding No. 567

Pamela Anderson has filed for divorce from Kid Rock, her rep has confirmed to PEOPLE. (They were married on July 29.)

"Pamela filed for divorce last week," Anderson's rep, Tracy Nguyen tells PEOPLE. "It wasn't a happy Thanksgiving."

This Is More Like It

I definitely had a good weekend this weekend. I still have to genuflect when I want to pick something up off the ground or a low shelf, but my back is much better.

We went to see two movies - For Your Consideration and The Fountain. On the Christopher-Guest-movie scale, FYC isn't as funny as Best in Show (that's a tough one to beat) but funnier than A Mighty Wind. The Fountain is just as bizarre as I expected it to be. It wasn't a total waste of time - the performances were good, it's just weird.

If I have a superpower like my friends on my new favorite show, it's the power to pick a great restaurant. Just give me 20 minutes on the Internets and I can find one. We went to 8 1/2 in Miami Beach Saturday night. You can design your own Tasting Menu of little courses. It was really really good. And we got to sit outside - it was a beautiful night. One of the highlights of the evening was seeing a Mercedes SLR. Every time we go to Miami we see some amazing car I've never seen before.

That brings us to today. Out of respect for the half of my audience who are Steelers fans, I won't gloat too much. Ravens won 27-0 and we watched it at our restaurant - surrounded by Steelers fans. Life is good.

DVD Pick of the Weekend

We rented Accepted, and it's definitely worth seeing. All of Jonah Hill's (the fat kid) lines are hysterical - he's really really funny.

Black Friday

Well played, Florida. Well played. I may not continue my annual Black Friday 5:00 AM trip out to the stores. It was crazy! In Maryland we would go to Target and, sure, there would be a lot of people, but not like here! We tried Best Buy this morning and the line was wrapped around the building. And still was when we drove by an hour later! We went to Circuit City and it was packed. We needed a new phone/answering machine. But not that badly. The checkout lines were unreal. So we went to Home Depot to get a pressure washer and they actually had a phone there. And I got Christmas lights too. I wasn't sure if I was going to decorate for the holidays, but I think I will now. It just doesn't seem like Christmas when it's not cold. But I want to make my palm tree look like a candy cane.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! I am thankful for my husband, my friends, my family, electricity, and my relative health.

I won't be spending this Thanksgiving on the beach like I wanted to - it's only going to get to 72 today. But it'll be 80s by the weekend.

Today's menu:
Buttermilk-Oat Rolls
Roasted Fresh Young Turkey Breast (you know I like 'em fresh and young)
Green Beans with Pan-Roasted Red Onions
Stuffin' Muffins
Poached Pears with Spiced-Wine Syrup

Tomorrow I plan to continue my tradition of getting up early and going to Target to watch people kill each other over sale items. Mike's going to start a new day-after-Thanksgiving tradition - golf.

DELICIOUS UPDATE: Yum.

Cringe-Worthy

Just in case you haven't seen Michael Richards' "apology" for going on a racist tirade at the Laugh Factory, I thought I'd post it here.



It's so awkward and cringe-o-riffic. Not only is it not really an apology, the audience laughs through most of it!!! Either they didn't realize he was trying to be serious, or they did and found it funny anyway. They seem to particularly enjoy when he calls black people "Afro-Americans". Jerry Seinfeld even has to tell the audience to stop laughing. He scolds the audience!!! It's freaking priceless, I can't get enough of this.

Old Lady Killed in Shootout with Cops

I've seen The Wire, folks, I know this stuff can happen. This old lady was totally a drug kingpin.

The niece of a 92-year-old woman shot to death by police said her aunt likely had reason to shoot three narcotics investigators as they stormed her house. Police insisted the officers did everything right before entering the home Tuesday evening, despite suggestions from the woman's neighbors and relatives that it was a case of mistaken identity. The woman, Kathryn Johnston, was the only resident in the house at the time and had lived there for about 17 years, Assistant Chief Alan Dreher said. The officers had a legal warrant, "knocked and announced" before they forced open the door and were justified in shooting once fired upon, he said.

As the plainclothes Atlanta police officers approached the house about 7 p.m., a woman inside started shooting, striking each of them, said Officer Joe Cobb, a police spokesman. One was hit in the arm, another in a thigh and the third in a shoulder. The officers were taken to a hospital for treatment, and all three were conscious and alert, police said.

Trailer Tuesday

There are two certainties in this world.

1. You'll never catch me watching a Harry Potter movie. Ever. Well, OK, if there's some Ron Weasley nudity, I'd fast forward through a DVD copy. But for the other 95% of people I know, here's the trailer for the new one, Harry Potter's First Pubes or something like that. His haircut is really bad.

2. I will be at the opening of Rocky Balboa. Why the 180-degree, John-Kerry-style flip-flop on this? Two words: Milo. Ventimiglia.

Monday is the Greatest of All Days

It’s hard to watch a night of Adrenaline TV when my back hurts. Can’t jump around the room like I like to. By the end of Heroes I just wanted to run around the room screaming.

On Prison Break, Sara had the #1 kick-ass moment: burning Kellerman on the chest with an iron. Definitely looked painful. As did Sara having to stitch up her own arm. RIP Papa Burrows. They had time to bury him? Godspeed to Sucre, who escaped on the plane. The Brothers are going to stay in the U.S. to take down the conspiracy. Finally!

C-Note’s wife got caught! Didn’t see that coming. Also didn’t see Mahone’s car crashing into the Brothers’ car at the end. Good stuff.

FOX is starting to sprinkle in some 24 commercials. This one shows Jack confronting that Bluetooth guy from last year.

On Heroes, Nathan got the painting that Peter needed, and promptly destroyed it. It shows Peter dead at the Homecoming. Luckily, Simone shows him a photo, so he went to mess with Texas and meets up with Ando. Part of the fun of this show is you have a million characters that exist in separate worlds, and then sometimes they interact. It was cool seeing Ando & Peter and Peter & Claire together, for the first time. “It gets better, life after high school.” How cute was that? Super Friends unite!

If I knew that my daughter was going to die at Homecoming, I wouldn’t just ground her. I’d tie her to her bed and keep an eye on her all night. Didn’t Claire’s dad see every teen movie ever made? The girl always sneaks out. Good thing she's indestructible. And makes Peter indestructible.

We finally see Sylar’s face and it’s none other than Adam from Season 3 of 24!! I saw his name in the credits last week, then totally forgot about it until this week when I saw it again. I’ve always wished Adam would come back, and I’m still holding out hope. But it’s kind of hard to take Sylar seriously as a Supervillian when I just think of him whining on 24.

So what happened to Hiro? He made it back in time to try to save Charlie, but then she obviously still dies. And he disappeared a few weeks ago. So where is he? And what's the deal with Sylar? I have a feeling he used to be part of Bennet's crew, but maybe went off on a killing-spree tangent. It seemed like he knew who Jedi-mind-tricking Eden was, yes?

This episode was great and next week looks good because it’s all about flashbacks to the discovery of powers, Suresh’s research, and all that jazz.

Fresh-Squeezed O.J.

After a firestorm of criticism, News. Corp. said Monday that it has canceled the O.J. Simpson book and television special "If I Did It."

"I and senior management agree with the American public that this was an ill-considered project," said Rupert Murdoch, News Corp. chairman. "We are sorry for any pain that his has caused the families of Ron Goldman and Nicole Brown Simpson."

Wow. Rupert Murdoch has a soul. Who knew? Thank God they pulled this - I was actually agreeing with Bill O'Reilly on something and I considered suicide.

My So-Called Weekend

I spent most of my weekend on my back in bed. Get your mind out of the gutter – my back went out!

Saturday morning I was preparing to clean the house when my back suddenly started hurting. Sure, it got me out of doing housework, but I’d rather clean than be in pain all weekend. This has happened to me twice before – it’s a muscle spasm/pinched nerve that keeps me in constant pain. I’m barely able to walk - I look like an old man.

So aside from the occasional move to the sofa, I was in bed all weekend. Good thing we went out Friday night, because I went nowhere, and I was going crazy. I didn’t even make it out to watch the Ravens win!

Did someone put a curse on me? Is this Somebody’s idea of a cruel joke? Friday I was so happy, looking forward to a great weekend after being sick for almost 2 weeks. Then this happens. Pity party!

James Bond is an Octopussy

Casino Royale got an "A" in Entertainment Weekly. Mike wants to see it, and now I guess I will since it got a good review. But I just can't get excited for James Bond movies. 1) This James Bond stinks. It should have been Clive Owen. So I'm a little bitter about that. 2) James Bond is a pussy. In the age of Jack Bauer, James Bond is a nothing! Jack Bauer would kick his ass. Jason Bourne would kick his ass. James Bond drives fancy cars, drinks, and bangs chicks. He's not an action superstar.

UPDATE: I was only partly wrong. This Bond kicks a little more ass in terms of hand-to-hand combat and torture. I don't remember other Bonds doing that. Not that I'm a James Bond expert. There are some good fight scenes, so if you're in the mood for the James Bond Stunt Spectacular, check it out. And if you like movies where you know a guy is the villain the moment you see him because he has a scar on his face and uses an asthma inhaler. And if you like men who are perpetually sweaty and have too-blond eyebrows. Ick. 'Cuz I'm superficial like that.

Hot Harry Potter Action

Is it wrong to be turned on by this picture from the latest Harry Potter movie? The only thing that could make it hotter is if it was of Ron Weasley. And Harry Potter. Making out. Hard core.

The Office Cringe-o-Meter = 10

Tons of cringe humor last night. Creed staring at the woman using the breastpump (at her desk!) is probably number 1. Ed Helms' character bonding with Michael. Michael and Dwight trying to lift up the big fat dude. Michael making a slavery joke to the black guy. Toby's attempted fist bump. Kelly was hysterical - catching Jim up on "her life" - specifically, the births of Shiloh and Suri. Jim staring at the top of Dwight's head while they talked - "Meet my eyeline, Jim!" HA! Did I miss anything?

It was great last night and I definitely have to watch it again. Sometimes it's so cringe-inducing I have to watch through my fingers.

Top Chef: Awful Offal

Normally I watch Top Chef and I get hungry. This time I literally threw up a little bit in my mouth. The Quickfire Challenge involved cooking with offal - all the leftover parts of the animal, including such delicacies as sweetbreads, tongues, tripe, feet, blood, and fish heads. Yum!

Marisa and Josie definitely deserved to lose for their crappy 5th course dish. But I wish they both hadn't been kicked out. I totally saw that coming though, since there was no elimination last week and neither was clearly responsible for the loss. It's a shame because I think Josie is really good. I've always thought Marisa sucked - she's a freaking pastry chef who can't make desserts.

The Wire

I spent much of yesterday finally catching up on The Wire. And I had 10 episodes to watch!

It's a great show. It has what I love - great writing, about 86 characters, intersecting storylines, all set against the brutal and realistic backdrop of inner city Baltimore.

The main plots involve: 1) a white Mayor-elect, 2) the city school system, and 3) a new lead drug dealer who has a crew (1 guy and a hilarious girl) who "disappear" bodies by putting them into vacant rowhouses and then nailing the plywood doors into place so no one goes in. Homicide can't figure out why murders have decreased - but it's just because they haven't found the bodies. Once they do, there are going to be like 80 bodies found! I hope that happens by the end of the season - only 3 episodes left.

The school scenes are tragic. I hate that there are a handful of good kids (including one who snitched to the cops about a murder), because you just know that won't end well for the good kids. I fully expect the sad kid -- who has to shower at the school because his junkie mother had the water shut off, and who has to rely on free clothes and food from teachers because his mother sells stuff he brings home -- to die. But let's hope not. Then there's the kid who is only slinging drugs on the corner because his bitch mother made him do it. Whore.

The show is a bit depressing, but it's so well done. There are somehow moments of levity. I laugh whenever I see the tiny 12-year-old car thief behind the wheel of a huge-ass SUV. Kids these days!

Help This Kid

If you see this child, please help him. He looks horrified.

I Just Don't Understand

Is O.J. Simpson even a human being anymore? How does he explain this to his children? "Hey, kids, I'm going to go on TV and talk about how I would have killed your mother." It really makes me sick.

"O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened," to air Nov. 27 and Nov. 29 from 9 p.m. to 10 p.m. on Fox, will have O.J. talk about the murder of his ex-wife and her friend 12 years ago under the cover of a hypothetical approach.

Heroes Saves My Monday Night

Greatest show ever. Really. No Petrelli brothers, and still excellent. Next week is going to be OFF THE CHAIN!!!!

I was like, I can't believe they brought in the cute new chick with the great memory just to kill her. That was gonna be Hiro's girlfriend, man! But then Hiro went back in time to save her. He can't keep bending time and changing the past though. That can't be all-good.

Horn Rimmed Glasses is good! Maybe. Sure, he kidnaps Heroes and marks them. But he doesn't kill them. And he wants to save his daughter. I love the Bennets.

I just love how the story keeps unfolding. I have no idea where it's going, but it is awesome and I'm enjoying the ride. I want to have superpowers. Eden has the power of persuasion, I'm guessing. And Mohinder has some kind of power where he sees things in his dreams. Radiation Man's powers will probably be used to blow up New York. Will Ando end up having powers?

I really can't wait for next week. It's going to kick ass. Save the cheerleader, save the world!

Prison Break: On the Bubble

Well, as I suspected, we get T-Bag's once-again-unattached hand. He ripped it off to escape from the cops. Ew. And highly ludicrous. He thought ahead enough to put a tracking device in the money? WTF? RIP Geary. The T-Bag body count grows.

We have to have a serious talk, Prison Break. I don't want you to become the next Lost. Without my beloved prison from Season One, I'm watching for 3 reasons, named Scofield, Kellerman, and T-Bag. T-Bag can't hold on for much longer. The dude has no hand. Again. And he keeps killing people. Scofield is turning into a major pussy overwhelmed by guilt and without the ability to grow consistent facial hair. Kellerman is still awesomely badass at least. A badass who tortures and kills women.

That said, I will of course be watching to see what the deal is with Lincoln and Michael's father. Or should I say "father"? I don't know what's going on there, but clearly something ain't right.

Spiderman 3: The Saga Continues

Here is a treat for all of you Spiderman (pronounce it "Speederman" please) nerds. You can click here for a trailer that wasn't supposed to be released until February. It looks mostly like the old trailer - a lot of the special effects aren't done though. But you do get the bonus of a Venom money shot at the very end. Wait for it... wait for it.

24 Season 6 Picture

Here's the cast picture for Season 6 (click for larger). My man Milo is on the right. And Chloe's rocking the new hair next to her ex-husband. Wherefore art thou, Curtis?

When I Say 7, You Say 2

7 - 2!! 7 - 2!!

I'm so glad we picked today to finally wake up and find a bar that has NFL Sunday Ticket! We found this great place nearby where you walk in and they have a chart of what TVs are going to be playing what games. We sat right under the Baltimore game. The sound was only on for the Miami game, but we got used to trying to read lips. It wasn't too crowded either. We stayed at our table for 4 hours. It was a hell of a game. Ups and downs. But the Ravens won 27 - 26! It was cool to be able to keep an eye on all the other games too. Go Indy!

Child Predators: Now Even More Entertaining!

Dateline NBC's ratings-grabbing To Catch A Predator series ended with a tragic twist when Bill Conradt, former Kaufman County (Texas) district attorney, turned a gun on himself. Terrell and Murphy police were attempting to arrest Conradt, 56, on a warrant for soliciting sex with a minor when the incident occurred late Sunday afternoon.

Police who entered Conradt's home when he refused to answer the door heard a shot and found him fatally wounded with a self-inflicted gunshot wound. He was later pronounced dead at Parkland Hospital in Dallas.

Murphy police Sgt. Snow Robertson said Conradt had solicited sex from a decoy posing online as a 13-year-old boy. Police were attempting to serve a search warrant for his computer and the arrest warrant when Conradt shot himself.

The best news: they are working on a new series of shows in Texas. It's November Sweeps for godsakes! I need some solicitation of minors!

While I Was Sleeping

I just got the biggest scare of my life. I'm sick, so when I got home from work I napped for 2 hours. When I woke up, I was all groggy and confused. Especially when the news said Jack Palance had died. I was sure that I had woken up 5 years in the past! Seriously, didn't he die already? Did he have a twin or something?

Yes, you heard right - I'm sick again. My throat hurt all week. As of yesterday I have a full-blown cold. Mike gave this to me. Thanks.

On This Date in 1979...

...my life as I knew it came to an end. I was no longer the center of my parents' world. This is the day the bitterness began.

Happy Birthday Kare Bear!!

Geeks of the World, Unite!

Spider-Man 3 will receive a TV and online blitz Thursday night when Columbia Pictures unveils a 2-1/2-minute trailer at 10 p.m. in a "road block" across Viacom's online brands and several TV channels, including the CBS network -- six months before the film's May 4 premiere.

The trailer will air on CBS, Comedy Central, MTV, BET, Logo, MTV2, Spike TV, and VH1.

Due to the presence of Snaggletooth, I will be vomiting at 10:03 p.m. Meanwhile, you can expect a post from Mike entitled, "The Greatest Two and a Half Minutes of My Life".

Smell Ya Next Year, Lost!

No more Lost for 2006. Thank God. Now I can get an hour of my life back each week, although Mike will probably make me watch the black Groundhog Day show.

Kate and Sawyer have sex. A) Who cares? B) Eeew. When was the last time they showered?

Goddamn this episode was lame. This was supposed to be an amazing cliffhanger. Was it? I like that Jack is holding Ben's life in the balance, but so what to Kate maybe being set free and Sawyer maybe getting shot. And even if Kate does get set free, she's on another island, right? So where the heck is she supposed to go?

Danny or whatever his name is said that Jack "wasn't even on Jacob's list." Who the heck is Jacob? And why do I care enough to ask?

There are way too many characters on this show now, and the ones I care about (the minorities and Locke) aren't getting enough screen time. See ya in February, jackasses!!!

Happy Anniversary Magic!

Today is the 15th anniversary of Magic Johnson's announcement that he was retiring from the Lakers because he tested positive for the HIV

You're Finished!

With gems like, "If me and the wife are beefing..." how could Britney leave this genius??

This video shows him receiving a text message that she's divorcing him. Hahahahahaha. Let's just hope he gets ZIPPY in the settlement! I'm looking forward to getting my old Britney back.

Maryland Brings Sexy Back

Congratulations Maryland!! NBC is projecting that you will have the Best Looking Governor in the United States, Mr. Martin O'Malley. Next the presidency!!!

No Effing Way!!

It's over for Britney Spears and Kevin Federline.

CNN has confirmed that the pop singer is divorcing her husband of two years and one month. Spears and Federline, one of the singer's former backup dancers, married October 6, 2004, according to the divorce papers.

TMZ.com reports that Spears filed legal papers Tuesday in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences." Spears is asking for legal and physical custody of their two children, 1-year-old Sean Preston and 2-month-old Jayden James.

The date of separation was listed as Monday.

What a crying shame. They seemed so perfect for each other.

Heroes Rules Big Time

Is Linderman the new Lex Luthor? He is an unseen rich guy who uses Niki to blackmail Nathan, and now he has purchased one of Issac's paintings (the one Peter needs to save the world). What's his connection to all this?

I thought Niki would be gone and her alter ego (now named Jessica) would survive. But apparently nothing really happened when DL reached his hand into her guts.

I liked DL and Hiro teaming up to save the chick in the flaming car. I love love love The Petrelli Brothers. They should just make a Petrelli Brothers show. Nathan is the smoothest liar of all time. Let me ask this: When Nathan was on the phone with Linderman, didn't he thank him for returning the painting and tell him to send it back to the gallery? But then he told Peter that he couldn't get the painting. I don't know what side Nathan is on any more than I know what side Claire's father is on!!

The ending was great. The kid has power! I don't know what it is though. The power to make an out-of-order pay phone work. Don't know what good that is. And he knows his mom has a split personality. That kid is bad ass!!

Prison Break

The conspiracy returns. Finally! I should have known Lincoln wouldn't be caught for long. Some "friends of his father" come to rescue him. Who knew his father had a freaking posse?

OK, it's Prison Break, so I know I shouldn't ask these questions, but how the hell did Michael get that fax to Sara at the hotel? She was checked in under the name of a chick who died in front of her a day ago. Did he just direct the fax to the attention of a pretty young brunette?

The Sara/Michael meeting was pretty lame. She's like, OK what's the plan to make things right? And he's all, Let's go to Panama. Idiot. What's so great about Panama? Somehow Michael thinks Panama is the answer to all their problems. I thought he was going to invite Mahone along too.

Michael cuts himself on the arm. At first I thought it was going to end up that he cut himself over a strategic place in his tattoo (like last year's burn on the back). Then I thought, no, it's probably setting up him being shirtless with Sara. I was close! It brought back the old romantic doctor-patient relationship. For a little while. Til Kellerman intervenes!!!

The T-Bag Hilarity continues. He endures an inhuman amount of pain. He swallows the key to the locker of money. Then, in a brilliant move, the guards put a colander in the toilet and duct tape him to it!!! And it works. We are treated to the sight of T-Bag taking a dump - and then Geary washing off the key in the sink. EEEEEEEWWWWWWWW!!! When I saw T-Bag was tied to the radiator by his bad hand (bonehead move), I knew that he was going to try to FREAKING RIP OFF HIS OWN HAND IN ORDER TO ESCAPE!! I was jumping around the room and looking through my fingers. Will he succeed? Tune in next week.....

The Greatest Five Minutes of My Life

Our trip up North this weekend was great. It was perfect – jam-packed with most of the stuff I miss. Friday night, we step off the plane and it’s 40 degrees colder than it was when we got on it. Saturday morning I drove to Pennsylvania bright and early. It was a beautiful drive, with the mountains, red and yellow trees, frosted-over fields, and dead deer splattered on the road. Ahh… Pennsylvania. It was also butt-freezing. I had a great visit with the family.

Sunday we went to the Ravens/Bengals game, courtesy of My Good Friend Houman. We got to Baltimore early and walked around Federal Hill. I really do miss Baltimore. For all of its faults, it’s also a city with a lot of character, which I think is lacking down here in Florida when most people are from other locations in the country and don’t really form an identity down here. We made our way through a packed market, finally ending up at a stand with signs proclaiming, “Best BLT in Town” and “Best Half and Half.” Of course, I took this as a challenge that I had to take part in. And guess what -- they were!!!!!!!! Served up with heavy Baltimore accents, of course. I also love the tailgaters in Baltimore. It’s really insane the number of people in the parking lot, deep frying onion rings, grilling, and hooking up satellite dishes to the roofs of their vans.

This brings me to the title of my post. In the first 5 minutes of the game, the Ravens scored off a fumble and again off an interception. And it all happened on the part of the field that was right in front of us. I was losing my mind. I was propelled into a state of Football Euphoria. My throat kills today because I was screaming so much. Ravens held onto the lead and kicked Cincinnati’s ass. It was good times, good times.

Then AirTran had to be a buzz kill and delay my flight an hour. That’s why I usually take Southwest.

Anyway, it was still a perfect trip. Better yet, when we got home it was warm and breezy. Hopefully during next month’s visit we can go to DC and the old Owings Mills 'hood.

I'm Outie Again

We're flying back home tonight. Basically, Mike's flying home to play poker. I'm going to visit my family Saturday. Then Sunday, Mike, Houman, and I are going to the Ravens/Bengals game. I've got all kinds of layers to wear - it'll be a 30 degree drop in temperature for me!

Top Chef

I caught up on Top Chef this afternoon. I feel bad that Pasty McWhitegirl got kicked off. She seems to have talent, but then again she oversalted her food. But those 2 meatheads are worse than her. Cliff is unstoppable. His food always looks good. Betty too for that matter - but more in the comfort food arena. I watched the show when I was hungry which is always a mistake. To paraphrase Jim Gaffigan, When you watch Top Chef when you're hungry it's like porn. Whip it up, baby!

So far I'm not blown away by this new host. I mean, she's still a little robotic. Not as bad as Katie Joel, but not great. She just has darker skin and a huge-ass scar running down her arm. I guess those qualify her to host/judge this show.

Friday Nausea

I watched The Duel this morning. I don't recommend that before breakfast. Beth and Nehemiah, seriously? BETH??!! She makes me sick. And then she makes me hate myself for letting her make me sick.

The Terrorists Want to Ruin America

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (perhaps you know them as "Brangelina") have received death threats from al-Qaeda. Raise the security level! They must be protected!

On Thursday, Intelligence Bureau sources in New Dehli said that Brangelina have been provided with Y category security due to threats to their lives from al-Qaeda. British security experts were flown to Pune earlier this week and local police have been informed about the threat perception as the film is based on Pearl, who was assassinated by al-Qaeda militants in Pakistan after being abducted on January 23, 2002 while working on a story on Islamic militancy. Jolie plays the role of Mariane, the widow of Pearl.

Thanks for the breaking news, Mary!

Lost: Revenge of the Smoke Monster

The Smoke Monster returns. We've never been told what that thing is, right? RIP Mr. Eko. I liked him, but his flashbacks were a tad boring, so no big loss. Also, they flashbacked to prior flashbacks tonight and that's just cheating.

I liked Juliet's video presentation to Jack. But I wonder if she's playing him or what. Looks like Jack will operate on Ben next week - he should just freaking rip his spine out.

Also, what's the deal with the pirate in the other station?