American Idol: The Boys

My boys are definitely Hedgehog and Beat Boxer. Chris was awesome, and what a pull with that hottie wife of his. Day-um she was hot! I'm really surprised Simon didn't mention their disparity in the looks department. Blake was the bomb! So was AJ, the Mike Lookalike.

Sundance was good, but I find him annoying so I can't fully back him. Everyone loved Chris, but I wasn't blown away. What do I know?

Simon, as always, was 96% spot-on and 100% hilarious.

Go home: Sanjaya (dude was so quiet, I could barely hear him sing) and Brandon, the not-as-smoking-hot black dude. (The smoking hot one did well.) Nick or Phil would be my runners up for crappiest.

The Greatest Show on Earth

I'm speaking of course about Dateline NBC: To Catch a Predator. I've decided to keep track of a few things each week:

Number of men who sent photos of their genitals: 4

Oldest Guy: 58

Chris-Hansen-Reading-Back-The-Transcript Quote of the Night: "I'm stroking my c@ck right now."

Product Shout-Outs The Companies Would Probably Rather Not See: Mountain Dew, Food Lion, Diet Coke, Abercrombie & Fitch

They are really taking it to the next level with these outdoor meetings. That's smart. Gotta keep it fresh; keep the predators on their skeevy toes.

24: The Sitcom

I'm thinking this is how I should watch the show from now on. The laugh track, the musical intros, the oohs and aahs - it's priceless!

Horrific Sports Injury

Oh good Lord! This is horrific! Say it with me - DAGGER!!!!

24 is Unbelievable (In a Boring Way)

Look, 24, just because you bookend an episode with Awesome Assad doesn't mean I'm going to forget the crap in between. Also, if Assad is dead you are DEAD TO ME! (Tony survived having his face blown off by an explosion; so can Assad.)

Ugh. If I wanted to waste another 44 minutes of my life, I would watch this episode again to keep track of how much time was spent on the Morris subplot. Half the episode! Didn't we sort through this "Morris is/isn't fit for work" crap last week? Why the need to rehash? That's quite a bruise on the back of Morris's head, by the way. It's a wonder he's even able to sit upright.

Are we supposed to think Logan is redeemed now because he reads the Bible? Was Charles Manson redeemed? Oh, he reads the Bible, it's OK that he conspired to kill David Palmer. Everyone can change!

Speaking of this conspiracy, who wasn't involved in it? Jack's brother, Jack's father, Logan, this Russian dude Markov. Should that many people be involved in a conspiracy?

Quote of the Night: "You can't go soft on us now, Reed." That's what she said.

Poll: Bigger Waste of Time: 24 or Lost?

Heroes is Unbelievable (In an Awesome Way)

This episode was different because we really only followed the one storyline - Radioactive Man and Matt holding up the Bennets. Well, we did get some other information, by way of cool, black & white flashbacks. We see that Hiro's father is somehow involved. And Eric Roberts. Bennet was partners with the Invisible Man, until he had to kill him for hiding a Hero. Is it a Hero we know? Wireless Internet Woman, maybe? And where was she, anyway?

Must-Rewind Scenes: Bennet tells Matt (through his thoughts) to shoot Claire. And that awesome scene where Ted goes f-ing nuclear. And Claire is the one who can get close enough to tranquilize him. When she came out of the house all burned up from the explosion, Mike and I both went, "Hooollleeee Shiiiiiiit!" Great stuff.

Oh, who am I kidding? The whole episode is Must-Rewind Scenes. What about the heartbreaking end where the Bennets say good-bye and the Haitian erases Bennet's memory and takes Claire into hiding?

AND THEN NEXT WEEK!!!! Simone is alive!! Does she have healing powers? And she seems bad!!!! I knew she was bad!!!!!!!! Also, a new Hero. And Linderman!!!

AND I MIGHT NOT BE ABLE TO SEE IT FOR ALMOST A WEEK!!! Too much for me to take!

Prison Break: Hella Awesome

I was loving tonight's Mahone Show. He was awesome kicking Bellick's feet off the desk, and even more awesome in his big shouting scene with C-Note. I KNEW he was going to ask C-Note to kill himself. I am so heartbroken - it seems C-Note hung himself. Even when his character's subplot got a bit old, that actor was always awesome. Between the deaths of C-Note and Haywire, this show is getting a tad depressing.

Just when I thought that T-Bag was actually seeking help, it turns out he was at the psychiatrist's office to kill him and assume his identity. And now he's on the same flight as Bellick. Never mind about him turning himself in; T-Bag's headed for Thailand.

Finally I start to feel like things can actually get resolved. The Brothers can blackmail the President in exchange for Presidential pardons all around. Then I can see how they can be free and have more seasons. But I have a feeling Kellerman is about to blow that all to hell by killing the President. No, Kellerman, wait!!!

Quote of the Night: "Just because someone spits you out of their crotch doesn't make them your mother." Paul Kellerman

Radio Psychic: Monday TV Edition

Here are my humble, unsolicited, and spoiler-free predictions for tonight's shows:

1. Heroes. Simone got shot in the chest last episode. But maybe she's not dead. Peter can control time like Hiro, right? He just needs to tap into that and reverse time to 5 seconds ago and she'll be money. I'm thinking she ain't dead. Then again, I'm hoping she is. Peter already tapped into a thousand other powers last week. Methinks letting him have such precise control would be too much too soon.

2. Prison Break. Maybe not in this episode, but I can totally see T-Bag turning himself in and going back to prison. He was happier there. He was the freaking King of the Racist Pedophiles. Now that he realizes he can't have the family he wanted in the outside world, all that's left is either suicide or going back to prison. And I think he'll choose prison.

3. 24. I'll never be able to get this picture out of my head.

Yikes!

Someone needs some sleep. And have her ears always stuck out like that?
PANTY PARTY!!!

Somewhere, The Pope's Head is Exploding

Did you see this on The Today Show this morning? I am so watching this.....

Archaeologists and clergymen in the Holy Land derided claims in a new documentary produced by the Oscar-winning director James Cameron that contradict major Christian tenets.

"The Lost Tomb of Christ," which the Discovery Channel will run on March 4, argues that 10 ancient ossuaries -- small caskets used to store bones -- discovered in a suburb of Jerusalem in 1980 may have contained the bones of Jesus and his family, according to a press release issued by the Discovery Channel.

One of the caskets even bears the title, "Judah, son of Jesus," hinting that Jesus may have had a son. And the very fact that Jesus had an ossuary would contradict the Christian belief that he was resurrected and ascended to heaven.

Ugh

Smell ya later, Oscars! The beginning was dreadful. Hollywood celebrates Hollywood! Whoop-dee-freakin-doo!

Where my Brangelina be at?

Ha ha - Eddie Murphy! You lose! That's what you get for dressing up like a fat black woman! Who's laughing now?

The Definition of Class

Wow, that Kirsten Dunst is a looker. There is a collar on this dress! And there begins the horror.

Work It, Old Broad!

Second Only To Brangelina

My other favorite couple, Maggie Gyllenhaal and Peter Sarsgaard.

Jesus

Are there any Broncos left? That has to be the worst team to play for - they're dropping like flies!

Denver Broncos reserve tailback Damien Nash collapsed and died Saturday night after an appearance in a charity basketball game in St. Louis.

Nash, a two-year NFL veteran, was 24.

Why I Moved

Snow and freezing rain began falling in the D.C. area early Sunday, and forecasters say it's best to stay home. Precipitation began south of the District, with heavy snow and sleet covering the roads. Police said the weather caused "too many accidents to count" on interstates 95 and 66.

Due to the large volume of requests I have received, here is a comparison of the DC and FL weather forecasts. Wednesday looks like a winner for DC!

The Oscars Are Tonight

Whaaa? How did they sneak up on me? For some reason, this year I don't even care about them. I'm usually interested, aren't I? I guess it's because I didn't see most of the nominated movies. I suppose I'll watch at least the beginning to see Ellen. After that, I'll just catch the rest on blogs tomorrow. Nothing too exciting ever happens.

And of course I'll have to watch The Ryan Seacrest Fest today to see what everyone is wearing.

Britney Should Be an Astronaut

NASA has the secret to keeping Britney Spears in rehab....

NASA has detailed, written procedures for dealing with a suicidal or psychotic astronaut in space. Documents, obtained this week by The Associated Press, say the astronaut's crewmates should bind his wrists and ankles with duct tape, tie him down with a bungee cord, and inject him with tranquilizers if necessary.

Sign me up for the next space mission! I want to be the first psychotic in space!

Nine Minutes of Heaven

If you have 9 minutes, please watch this cooking show featuring the Salmonella Special. I really hope someone intervened at the end to stop him from eating it.

Thanks to my friends Don and Mike for turning me on to this video.

Kim, you were looking for some recipes - this is for you!

The classic PSA at the end is pretty good too.

Booger Eaters in the News

Check out the Congressman in the back!!!

Poll: Will I Regret This Decision?

I've decided to go back into the full-time working world. I didn't want to - until I found this job. It's at CBS Interactive; specifically, CBSSportsline.com. Seeing as how I spend 86% of my time on the internet, this is a perfect job for me. Plus I get to work for CBS - does Katie Couric have the same benefits I do? Does her paycheck look the same?

The people I met there were great, the office was really casual and laid-back, and I'll be working for guys. Let's face it - I get along better with guys than girls. Now instead of getting free cosmetics and fragrances, I'll be looking to get hooked with some sports tickets. More my speed.

So come to me for all of your Fantasy Football needs!

This week will be my last real week at Estee Lauder, because the week of March 5 I'm working the sales conference in Orlando. That's a bit of a dagger. Really - that's going to be a good week of television. Leave it to me to find something to complain about while I'm getting paid big overtime and staying at the Ritz Carlton.

American Idol: America Doesn't Like Asians

I can safely say that America is better off without Paul, Rudy, Amy, and Nicole. Antonella and Nick - your time is coming.

Also, did you know that you can get through a one-hour results show in 5 minutes with a DVR? It's the Must-Have Accessory for watching any AI results show.

Lost is Painful to Watch

It's not even really worth blogging about. There's nothing to say! Weren't we supposed to have questions answered? What Jack's tattoos mean doesn't count. And we saw Cindy and some kids - for a second. There was no answer there.

It was back to the crappy Jack, Sawyer, and Kate show. Sawyer and Kate = boring. Alex and Karl = boring. How about that montage at the end? I was like, They are not going to show Karl and Alex looking up at the star they named. They did!!!

And Jack's flashback? What were we supposed to get from that? That he likes to bang Asian chicks? Who doesn't?! Don't the Lost producers know that Bai Ling isn't really an actress?

What a load of crap. At this point it literally is a waste of my time, but I just can't pull that damn trigger.

American Idol: Chicks are Better

Top girl, without question, is LaKisha. My girl from the M.D. She was UNREAL!! I knew she'd be chosen to close the show. I don't know how girls like Antonella, Leslie, and Nicole can stay in the competition when LaKisha is there. They should just bow out now. She was so good that, as I speak, Mike is rewinding it and watching it again.

Stephanie
- She was also awesome. I didn't know the song, but she's a great performer with a great voice.

Sabrina
- She killed it!!! Again, I didn't know the song, but she has a great voice. I can see her singing Christina Aguilera really well.

Surprise - it's the black chicks that are really good! Plus my Whitey Gina McColoredHair.

Go home: Nicole and Antonella. I thought Nicole was kidding, it was so bad. I literally said, "Is this a joke?" As for Antonella, she has always sucked. But at least she stayed in the competition long enough for us to get photos like this.

Bonehead Move of the Month

I'm a lunatic! This past weekend I spent 4 days in one of the coldest parts of the country. Voluntarily!!

I traveled to beautiful Pennsylvania where it was below freezing. It was nice to SEE the snow, not so nice when I ventured outdoors. Luckily, I didn't have to walk outside much, but was cursing every time I did. From now on, people visit ME in the winter. This morning was a brisk 59 degrees, but we got into the 80s. Suddenly I'm thinking I'll never move back North....

While there I opened Aunt Caw Caw Daycare. Where kids learn to say "banana", are free to play with electrical outlets, and get their heads stomped on. My fees are reasonable!

Why I Hate Dane Cook

Sure, the Christ Chex period of Dane's comedy is hysterical. But now he sucks. And he steals material. Louis C.K.'s jokes in this clip are from 2001; Dane pretty blatantly rips them off and uses them 4 years later.

PSA of the Week

This is why I love George Takei. I guess Jimmy Kimmel is funny after all.

Ugh

This is really a great hairstyle on Rumer Willis. Because it covers half of her face. That's quite a melon.

I Give Up

After spending less than 24 hours at the Promises rehab center in Malibu, Britney Spears checked out early Wednesday morning.

I love this picture because it looks like the long sticky size tag is still on her pants.

American Idol: The Dudes

Once it gets to the performances stage, the only way to watch American Idol is on the ol' DVR. Watch the performances and the judges' opinions, fast forward through the rest of the babble. No Ryan Seacrest that way too!!

I'm officially putting Chris Richardson on notice. Don't sing a song that my boy Elliott killed last year. He sounded like he was covering Elliott's version. You, sir, are no Elliott Yamin.

So many of the guys were so awful. When the performances go sour, Mike and I take off our glasses and hang our heads in disgust. If it's really bad we fall on the floor or scream in pain. We did all of those a lot tonight.

The good ones:

Blake - he came across as modern, hip, and tattooed.

Chris - my funny curly-haired dude. I didn't recognize the song, but thought he killed it.

A.J. - he was really good, and is the contestant Mike most resembles.

Phil a/k/a Cancer Boy was really good - in the second half of the song. Dreadful: the first half. We were on the floor. Plus when he stares into the camera I get the feeling like he can see me through the television and is trying to steal my soul. Trust me, he's worse without the hat.

Go home: Sundance and Nick.

Britney, You Can Do It!!

Britney Spears has voluntarily checked herself into an undisclosed rehab facility today. We ask that the media respect her privacy as well as those of her family and friends at this time.

I hope this time it sticks. Or maybe I don't. They need to just put her in a straight jacket. Maybe this girl's mother FINALLY got a hold of her and shook her into submission. I'd like to think that if I was flashing my va-jay-jay, booze-hounding all over the country, and shaving my head my mother would come and save me. At least that's what I'm banking on.

24: It's About Damn Time

Welcome back, President Logan. You were sorely missed. Logan and his Saddam Hussein beard make an appearance at the end of this episode. About time!!!

I don't know where CTU is located, but it must be adjacent to a 7-Eleven. Morris goes there to stock up on the CTU Diet: Red Bull, cigarettes, whiskey, and Altoids.

Right. We get it. Jack and Marilyn were involved. Sometimes 24 can be so Captain Obvious.

Phillip Bauer may be 96 years old, with jaundiced skin and long wiry hair, but he is still eeevil. Nothing scars a kid like his grandfather holding him at gunpoint. Why did Phillip just leave Jack at the end and leave the note to call President Logan?

As for the Presidential Bunker of Possible Assassination, Chad Lowe shows that he wears the pants in this relationship and knocks out Lennox when Lennox is about to spill about their plans to kill the President. Is killing the President really the only way these guys can handle the situation? I mean, it's pretty drastic. I hope they explored all other options.

This show just got good for two reasons: Charles. Logan.

Heroes. Awesome.

Awesomeawesomeawesome episode!!!

Wireless Girl (a/k/a Colette Stenger from last season's 24) is introduced. She can IM people without an internet connection! She meets up with Radioactive Man to seek revenge on Bennet, whose organization is apparently tracking them. Ted's powers kill grass. Awesome.

Radioactive Man, Wireless Girl, and Matt team up and barge in on the Bennet family, demanding answers. That will result in awesomeness.

Must-Rewind Scene of the Week: Peter and Claude being invisible on the rooftop. Bennet picks up their heat signatures and tasers Claude. Peter freezes the taser barbs that are meant for him, then throws Claude off the building and flies the two of them to safety. 100% awesome.

Claire had it out with her father. Awesome. Sylar is a great bad guy. Awesome. Peter can summon Sylar's powers and fights Isaac. When Peter goes invisible, Isaac starts shooting. And Simone takes two to the chest. AWESOME DAGGER!!!!! RIP Simone. You don't think Peter is going to seek revenge??!! Isaac is dead meat.

Love. This. Show.

Prison Break

So there are only 3 cons out there now, right? The Brothers and T Bag. C Note is Father of the Year, but he royally F'd up his situation. Can't really stay on the run when your kid has kidney failure. He turns himself in and said he would help find Scofield. Dagger!

T Bag releases his hostages. And has a breakdown. That actor is awesome - he even looks skinnier than last year. As he should, as a man who recently traumatically lost his hand.

Agent Mike-Look-Alike got the S kicked out of him, which was all kinds of awesome. Then they took off without Kellerman. Po po Kellerman. He will have his sweet revenge.

Oh yeah and Sucre reunited with Maricruz. zzzzzzzzzz

Scandalous Babies in the News

Skating with Celebrities champions Kristy Swanson and Lloyd Eisler welcomed a son on Friday. This is Swanson's first child and Eisler's third. He has two children from a previous marriage. Their romance created a scandal in the skating community. At the time, Eisler was married and his wife was pregnant with their second child. The couple split in November 2005 and are now divorced.

Though they split up last year, actress Bridget Moynahan and New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady are expecting a baby together. Moynahan is over three months pregnant, and they ended their three-year relationship at the end of last year.

WTF Britney?

I interrupt my vacation to bring you this important news bulletin.....

Britney Spears checked into a rehab facility two days ago but refused to stay and checked out less than 24 hours later. And now she has shaved her head. Completely bald. And gotten some new tattoos. This chick is a cutter, right? What's the over/under on how long she has left to live? 3 weeks?

Elliott Yamin Fans Unite!

If you watched American Idol last season, please to be enjoying this new song by my man Elliott Yamin.

Lost: Only Fools Are Enslaved by Time and Space

I've had some time to digest last night's show. I definitely enjoyed it. I like Desmond, so I didn't mind that it was almost completely his show. He was in a flashback for 90% of it. Or was he?

So I guess the show is playing with concepts of time and space. Someone has taken the brainwashing scene from last episode and run it backward, and there is a female voice saying "Only fools are enslaved by time and space." Uber-creepy and definitely season-one-level creepy.

So Desmond woke up after the explosion to find himself back home. In the past. He ran into Charlie and could predict what was going to happen. Then he was told by an oracle-type woman that he couldn't change the future and that he had to do what he had done before - break up with Penelope, enter the boat race, crash on the island, and push a button for 3 years - in order to save the world. And now that he's on the island he can still see the future - thus his attempts to save Charlie from his impending death. (BTW, who cares if Chaaaalie bites it.)

Now that I'm utterly confused, could this means that everyone's "flashbacks" that we have seen are not actually flashbacks? That they instead actually went to those places because time and space are flexible on the island? So that would be why there are crossovers like how the Widmore Company appears in a few episodes and Sayid appears in Kate's flashback and Hurley appears in Jin's flashback and people's lives intersect. Did they actually intersect or are they appearing there because they are in the people's minds? I think the producers dropped this bomb so that I can distract myself from how bad the show was thus far.

Anyone else confused or does it make perfect sense?

Important Reminder

I just wanted to remind everyone that this is banging Christina Aguilera. It never ceases to amaze me.

American Idol: Good Looking Out

Oh how I love this show. We've got the Final 24 that will perform starting next week. I'd say 80% of the performances they showed last night were horrific. There are always some bad ones in the beginning, though. Hopefully they'll get weeded out by America.

We've got The Indian Kid, The Colored Hair Girl, The Fat White Afro Funny Guy, The Beat Boxing Dude, and The Asian. The chicks I remember as being the standouts are Lakisha, Stephanie, Jordin, and Amy. Look for one of them to win and one of them to be booted out too soon.

What I don't understand this year is Randy Jackson's new catch phrase: "Good looking out". Sometimes it's "Good looking out for you". He has averaged 5 of those a show. I don't understand what it even means. It's the new "It was aiight for me". At least that made sense.

Butter Faces in Love

Allegedly Howard Stern and Beth are engaged. What? I thought he was never going to get married again. Ick. Good luck this time, Howard! Make a movie about this one too!

Happy VD Everybody!!!

I took a walk this morning. Outside. With a tee shirt and shorts on. And didn't freeze to death.

I'm planning on getting some sun today, then coming inside to watch The Weather Channel so I can pretend I'm stranded at home in a snowstorm. Fun! I'm a glutton for punishment -- I'm visiting PA this weekend.

Heroes: Treading Water

This episode didn't reveal too much. Radio Psychic: Matt will be a Hero who turns to the Dark Side. Sick of being crapped on and disrespected by everyone, he lashes out at humanity. Something like that.

Other than that, it was mostly B-stories. Except for poor, sad Claire and her parent issues. Ando still likes tall blonde chicks. Jessica still likes to cut dudes in half. Sylar is still a kick-ass bad guy.

Is someone dying next week? Claire's adopted mother is clearly cracking up, but I think a Hero is supposed to die.

Tonight on 24

Assad emerges from the wormhole or whatever magical form of transportation he took to get to DC. And speaking of magical, I love how resourceful these terrorists always are. Good thing Fayed dug a hole in his wall and installed a rope ladder so he could lower himself into the ventilation system, the basement, and the sewers. And has a medi-vac helicopter standing by nearby. You know, just in case they get ambushed or something.

I wish that dumb black-haired slut would just tell Jack that his father is a murderer who is forcing her to take him to a different location. Just tell him already! Save Milo! I knew Milo was going to be endangered by that whore.

Scene: The 24 Writers Room, a few months ago.
Writer No. 1: In 6 seasons, is there anything we haven't done?
Writer No. 2: We've never had a helicopter land on top of two semis.
Writer No. 3: We've never had someone take a power drill to someone's shoulder.
Writer No. 4: We've never had Jack Bauer ambush hostiles by pumping a sawed off.
Writer No. 5: We've never had members of the President's own administration plotting to murder him.
Writer No. 1: Do it. Do it all!

Radio Psychic: If they are successful in murdering Wayne (and I kinda hope they are), the shadowy conspiracy people will frame Assad for Wayne's murder.

Monday Hottie

It just gets better and better with this one.

The Refrigerator Game

One of these refrigerators belongs to a dead, bloated sexpot. The other belongs to Anna Nicole Smith. Guess which is which.

Bad Idea or the Worst Idea Ever?

VH1 is scheduled to air a new reality series, Band of Men, that will follow four ex-boybanders, all living in the same house for a month, as they create a new act - Sureshot. The singers will include Chris Kirkpatrick of N' Sync, Jeff Timmons of 98 Degrees, Rich Cronin of LFO and Bryan Abrams of Color Me Badd.

Color Me Badd?! Isn't this guy like 50 years old now? Good Lord, does VH1 know no bounds? New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits.... sing with me!!

Birthday Wishes

Happy Bithday, Mike!

And for your present.... a 2-hour episode of 24!

A Bloody Good Weekend

This weekend, we went to see Pan's Labyrinth. It is billed as this amazing, horror fairy tale. It's actually an amazing, depressing war film. It is very good, but damn! When we were leaving the theater, I was almost desperate enough to watch Norbit to cheer myself up. Almost.

We also watched Saw II this weekend. I thought it was really good! I already knew about one twist but not the other. For some reason, I always have this thing with horror movies where I think I'll be too scared to watch them. Then I watch them and it's like, That was it? I didn't find it scary so I guess that's why the gore didn't bother me. I don't know where my line is with gory movies. I think it lies just north of Tokyo. Those Japanese make some crazy horror films. (Or so I've heard.)

Saturday we had a play date with a neighbor. He's 11. We have more in common with him than any of the adults in the neighborhood. We played video games and grilled and I made his favorite cake. I kept waiting for Chris Hansen to show up.

Yesterday we went to the beach for a couple hours - in February! Then we went shopping and I capped off my weekend with the most beautiful Coach bag I've ever seen. I want to cry looking at it.

Cherry Coke Zero: Day-um

Wow. This stuff is good. Forget that Starbucks cinnamon chip loaf crap - Cherry Coke Zero is my new love. I was starting to become concerned about my addiction to Coke Zero. Problem solved! Now I'll just move on to Cherry Coke Zero.

I didn't even know this stuff existed. What have I been doing with the time I usually allot to following soda trends?

It's Like Christmas Eve

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. We just got back from the grocery store, where a glorious sight awaited me. CHERRY ZERO!!!

It's sitting in my fridge getting cold as we speak. I can't have the caffeine tonight. Tomorrow will be a Glorious Day!

Stay tuned for my report....

Right in My Backyard!!

Anna Nicole Smith's sudden collapse at the Hard Rock Seminole Hotel & Casino on Thursday was deadly. WFOR-TV in Miami reports that Anna was found unresponsive in her hotel room. Paramedics were called and performed CPR on the tragic blonde, in addition to inserting a tube in her mouth. Paramedics were seen pumping her chest as she was taken from the hotel.

Really, death is the best thing that could happen to this woman, and her baby. She was so royally F'd up. Gee, I wonder if it was from natural causes. Or maybe Trim Spa.

Was Lost Any Good?

It wasn't bad, right? But I had read some reviews that were like, It's the greatest since the first season, and it tells you so much and asks new questions.

Did it? It told us Juliet is a prisoner on the island too. Ben said she could go home. Well then why doesn't everyone just go home? And we found out Alex is Ben's daughter, in addition to being the French chick's daughter. But so what.

I didn't expect a lot so I wasn't disappointed. I'll tell you, the flashbacks were a really nice gimmick the first season but now it's just ridiculous. When was the last time one of these flashbacks was interesting?

Ax Me If I'm Going to Watch This Movie

OF COURSE!

If Everyone Sends Me Five Dollars....

The Senator Theatre, one of the last of the nation's once numerous art deco movie palaces and the only one still showing films in Baltimore, is to be sold at a foreclosure auction Feb. 21.

Tom Kiefaber, the Senator's owner, acknowledged yesterday that he is $90,000 in arrears on a $1.2 million mortgage he took out on the 900-seat theater five years ago.

OK, so who wants to go in on this with me? If I owned the theater, I'd go back to serving fountain grape soda - they got rid of it a couple years ago and I never forgave them!

Thank the TV Gods

Last week Project Runway's silver fox, Tim Gunn, announced he'll be leaving Parsons, the New York City fashion design school where Bravo's hit reality show is taped, to become chief creative officer of Liz Claiborne, Inc. But that doesn't mean Gunn won't carry on with Runway, as its fans feared — in fact, the 52-year-old told EW's Margeaux Watson, he has ''not one iota'' of doubt he'll return as the show's beloved mentor on season 4.

Thank heaven for small miracles. Also, even though he won't work there anymore, they plan to continue to use Parsons.

Don't Bother With a 24 Movie

I was watching The X-Files movie yesterday. It reminded me why there shouldn't be a 24 movie. It wasn't that good. Just stick to the show, please. Especially now that the possible release date has been pushed back even farther!

Kiefer Sutherland will spend his next hiatus from 24 starring in Mirrors, a supernatural thriller directed by Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes). He will play an ex-cop working security at a mall who discovers something evil in the mirrors of a department store. Sutherland initially planned on spending the hiatus — which begins in April when he completes shooting for the sixth season — doing a 24 feature film, but that project was put on hold because the script was not ready, and has been pushed until after Sutherland completes shooting the seventh season in the summer of 2008.

24: Quotes from Tonight's Episode

"Thousands of lives are at stake!" That's in the 24 Drinking Game, right?

"Get the interrogation package!" Followed by a shot of Burke getting said package - the Silver Briefcase of Medical Torture.

"All you guys ever do is fight!" 24 shouldn't do family melodrama. That kid is disturbing to look at, and looks a lot like Kim Bauer.

Only 24 can have me screaming at the TV bitter in the beginning and then drinking the Kool-Aid again by the end. I was so pissed when Morris's brother was allegedly exposed to radiation. I mean, does a family member of CTU have to be involved in every season? But there was a point to this after all! Pretty cool when it was revealed that Morris was the engineer Fayed is trying to get. (Mike was thinking it was going to be Phillip, so we were shocked.)

Sandra Palmer's role has been just meaningless. Yeah, I get it - detaining people is bad. Moving on.

I thought the torture scene was waaaaay over the top. But then I got the point - Jack's unhinged. And only his Jedi Mind Trick Father can calm him down. His eeeevil, Jedi Mind Trick Father. RIP Graem? You won't be missed by me.

Next week: a 2-hour episode. I wonder if it's there to just fill out the schedule or if it will be a big event episode. If it keeps me hooked, I'll stay for the second part and watch Heroes on DVR. We shall see.

Heroes: Jesus, It's Good

George Takei was awesome as Hiro's father! When he's speaking Japanese he doesn't have that same corny, queeny delivery he does when he speaks English.

I love Sylar. He is kickass and psychotic. I love how he just barely moves a finger and stuff goes to hell. Even the dog seemed afraid of him in their scene together. That dog is a good actor.

I also love Claude. Can there BE any more characters to love? He is trying to turn Peter into a badass, but unfortunately Peter is a massive pussy who loves his family. Waah. Claude pushes Peter off a building and he doesn't fly - he falls onto a taxi and ends up with a stake through his heart. But apparently he has retained some of Claire's powers and FREAKING REGENERATES!!!!! That was a kickass moment!!!!

OF COURSE Nathan is Claire's father! How does this show just keep getting better and better? Also, that makes Peter her uncle, so I guess the chemistry between them will never come to romantic fruition. Darn.

You know what this episode was missing? Mohinder and Matt. Which means it really wasn't missing anything at all. Perfect I say!

Prison Break: Back on Track

Pretty fun to make out in a train bathroom! Eeww. I guess she was sitting on the sink. But during the whole scene I was envisioning it taking place while she was sitting on the toilet. And it was cracking me up. And Sara said the first thing they tell you when you start working at a prison is never to fall in love with an inmate. Really? No, "You will be working such and such hours" or "Here's the break room"? Just "Never fall in love with an inmate"? Do they tell the male employees that too?

Loved Sara trying to kill Paul though. That Magnificent Bastard looks good in jeans and stubble, but he's a ruthless killer who left her for dead.

T-Bag is a super hero. I could put up with the fact that he has killed countless people with his one hand. And it's OK that he's holding an entire family hostage. But now he's making chicken and baking a cake???? That's ri-goddamn-diculous!!!

RIP Haywire. The scene where Mahone talked him into suicide was awesome. "Special Agent" Bellick is also awesome. "The President" turned out to be an imposter (not recordings, Houman, but close). Now Kellerman is BITTER.

Guess Who?

Can you guess who this whore with the fabulous sense of style used to be?

eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww

Check out that fug bitch behind Drew Barrymore. It takes a lot to make Drew look clean. Congratulations, Cameron Diaz.

Keep Hatin' on Peyton!!

Standing O

We had to give Prince a standing ovation. He's freaking amazing. You don't need 6 different performers on the Halftime Show when you have one guitar god. And he kicked ass in pouring rain!!!! Love that little guy.

Now, where are the awesome movie commercials? No 300? No Transformers? There have been FAR too many ads starring Carlos Mencia for my taste.

There's a Reason I Don't Bet on Sports

I'm just as good at predicting football as I am at playing it. This is Botch Bowl 2007 - this weather we're having is butt-trifling. Peytie Peyt has things under control now. Too bad Vinatieri plays better in New England.

I hate Phil Simms because of his pronunciation of the words "Saturday" ("Saturdee"), "to" ("tuh"), and most especially "him" ("eem"). In his honor, here's a picture of his douchebag son, Chris. They were begging for people to come get his autograph. To be fair, this was toward the end of his session. But I'm rarely fair.

What Year is This?

Billy Joel? Really? When did he go bald? He was a little pitchy, dawg.

Super Bowl Feast

Today's menu:

Chili, Spicy Shrimp Cakes with Avocado and Corn Salsa, Key Lime Squares, and Baked Cheetos. Delicious!

Today is the Superbowlest of Days

OK, drum roll please. My Super Bowl prediction.........

I'm the Waffle King! I can't decide. I am rooting for my boy Peyton. However, I see him choking again. The weather is a little trifling, so I think the Bears can capitalize on some turnovers. However, I also expect Rex Grossman to throw some pickles. So here I go:

Colts 13, Bears 7

Marvin Harrison will score 1 touchdown. Rex Grossman will throw 2 pickles. The Colts will fumble the ball once, and be intercepted once. Peyton will not be sacked.

My middle finger hurts today from "catching" a football yesterday. Now I know why Brett Favre was addicted to Vicodin. (There's my Favre shoutout.)

Hey, have you heard? There are two black coaches in this year's Super Bowl! That's crazy, I had no idea.

ENJOY THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

An NFL Dream Come True

Houman has been visiting since Thursday. We've been doing nothing but going to silly restaurants. But today we went to the NFL Experience. It was money!


I got to live all of my NFL dreams - I got to kick a field goal, kick an extra point, catch a punt, and catch a pass. Except at the beginning of everything on that list, put "tried to". I quickly found out I am not NFL material. But I had a great time sucking!! Houman could at least kick the FG.

We lucked out because this afternoon Todd Heap, my favorite white Raven who isn't Matt Stover, was there. We played a video game with him (he had to show me how to do it), and then he signed my hat. He was so friendly and well-dressed. No surprise there, he's Mormon.





I also got my picture taken with my favorite Filipino Ravens player.

To finish the day, we went to the Hard Rock Casino, where we saw Dennis Rodman walking around. Unfortunately, I did not live my NFL dream of seeing Referee Mike Carey or that big dude Jamie whom I love from the NFL Network. Dag.

Got 7 Minutes to Kill?

Then enjoy this montage of David Caruso one-liners from CSI: Miami. I wouldn't be able to sit through this show. I know that you could make a similar video of Jack Bauer Dammits and Michael Scofield Blue Steels. But this is ridiculous. Just about every one goes like this: Say the person's name. Begin the sentence. Pause. Put on sunglasses. Finish the sentence. Exit camera left.

Tweener Dagger

Looks like someone's joining Brandy in court...

Prison Break actor Lane Garrison had cocaine and more than twice the legal blood alcohol level in his system after a fatal car crash last month and should be charged with felony vehicular manslaughter, police said Wednesday.

Garrison, 26, was involved in an accident that killed a 17-year-old male passenger. Two 15-year-old girls, who were also in the car, were both injured – one critically.

At a press conference Wednesday, Beverly Hills police said Garrison's blood alcohol level was .20 percent – more than two times California's .08 percent limit. He also had an undisclosed amount of cocaine in his system, according to a blood test.

Braun has said Garrison met the teens that night at a grocery store, where they invited him to attend a party. At the time of the accident, he said, the group was leaving the gathering and Garrison was driving them back to the store.