Cat's got serious bed hair happening, along with a short hot-pink dress. I prefer Classy Cat.
Bottom 3: Jose, Billy (who deserves to be there for that pink scarf he has tied around his neck - no seriously, what is that?), and Lauren.
ROBERT NEEDS TO STOP WITH THE FAUX-SHOCK WHEN HE'S SAFE! Seriously, Mike just cursed him out. And Mike doesn't usually care enough to curse people out.
You know what was cool? Seeing Lil C dance among the Step Up 3-D dancers. Cuz C is BUCK.
So 2 people have to go home, and at this point I hope Lauren stays. She's not just the only girl - she's been so good lately and her solos have KILLED.
Bye-bye: Jose and Billy. It's tough to see Billy go, but it had to happen that way. Too androgynous for America, eh Nigel? I think it was the combined forces of all the zits on Jose and Billy that finally overwhelmed America. Or maybe the fact that their skin finally cleared up.
29 July 2010
Top Chef: DC
Quickfire Challenge: Make food served on a toothpick -- because there's a toothpick rule when it comes to lobbying, wherein Congressmen can't be treated to a meal unless it's food served on a toothpick. So the goal is to make the best thing you can in a small package like that. I like this one! I like little foods!
I want the chicken and waffle Andrea made. I wonder if she serves that for brunch.... The winner is Douchebag Angelo. His shrimp/cucumber thing did look good, but that doesn't mean he's not a douchebag.
Elimination Challenge: Take over The Palm for a power lunch. They're using amazing Palm proteins, like 4-pound lobsters. There was so much damn lobster meat and steak everywhere. It's making me want to go to The Palm; it's better than a commercial.
There's a minor scuffle over some pea puree. Seems Ed made it for his dish the day before, and then it went missing -- and suddenly Ugly Alex had pea puree. So everyone thinks he stole it. That's cruddy.
Ed and Alex are both among the Top 3, and the judges jizz themselves over Alex's pea puree. Winner: Alex. But no one actually confronts him about the thievery, or tells the judges. So I guess they'll just passive-aggressively deal with it, then? Throw someone under the bus, dammit, this is Top Chef!
The people in the bottom had overly-seasoned, over-cooked, and salty as hell food. Bye-bye: Andrea. DAGGER! That's my girl from Miami. I don't feel like she was all that great on this show though. But as long as there is good ceviche at her restaurant, I'll still go.
I want the chicken and waffle Andrea made. I wonder if she serves that for brunch.... The winner is Douchebag Angelo. His shrimp/cucumber thing did look good, but that doesn't mean he's not a douchebag.
Elimination Challenge: Take over The Palm for a power lunch. They're using amazing Palm proteins, like 4-pound lobsters. There was so much damn lobster meat and steak everywhere. It's making me want to go to The Palm; it's better than a commercial.
There's a minor scuffle over some pea puree. Seems Ed made it for his dish the day before, and then it went missing -- and suddenly Ugly Alex had pea puree. So everyone thinks he stole it. That's cruddy.
Ed and Alex are both among the Top 3, and the judges jizz themselves over Alex's pea puree. Winner: Alex. But no one actually confronts him about the thievery, or tells the judges. So I guess they'll just passive-aggressively deal with it, then? Throw someone under the bus, dammit, this is Top Chef!
The people in the bottom had overly-seasoned, over-cooked, and salty as hell food. Bye-bye: Andrea. DAGGER! That's my girl from Miami. I don't feel like she was all that great on this show though. But as long as there is good ceviche at her restaurant, I'll still go.
28 July 2010
SYTYCD: Performances
Billy has a brace on his knee this week, as if to say, "See? I wasn't faking! My knee totes hurts!" Liar.
Kent and Anya - Cha Cha by Jean-Marc Généreux. They've already done a Cha Cha together, and this one was just as inappropriate as the other. Because she looks 40 and he looks 12. It was fine. Anya looked SUPER weird -- her hair was awful and was her shirt supposed to come off? Because it seemed like the kind of costume layer that was meant to come off. Who knows.
Robert and Kathryn - Contemporary by Stacey. Haven't they already danced together 100 times too? It's OK though, they're pretty. It's a piece about going off to war - and at the end there was a twist when Kathryn is revealed to be the soldier. Duh, gays aren't allowed in the military. I didn't really feel it though - whether it was because of the choreography or the crappy Belinda Carlisle cover song, I don't know for sure. It was alright.
Adechike and Courtney - Jazz by Tyce. Not that I know what I'm talking about, but it didn't seem very jazzy to me. Other than that it was set to jazz music. It was a fun routine though. Courtney killed it, as usual.
Jose and Comfort - Hip Hop. It was a weird, slow, old song, but it worked. It should have fit Jose well with that kind of easy, cool style, but I didn't buy it 100%. As usual, Jose falls short.
Lauren and Allison - Broadway by Tyce. Oooo this should be great. And it was. They're both such great dancers, it was fun. It was a really fast-paced Broadway routine, it was kind of crazy and all over the place, but Lauren was really strong and great.
Billy and Ade - Contemporary by Stacey. It was another case of "too much damn story" (Stacey loves those) - with a homeless message this time - but they were great. Ade is so big and strong while Billy is smaller and has such great lines. It was pretty great, maybe the most mature Billy has been.
Jose and Kent - Broadway. It didn't do Jose any favors comparing the two side-by-side. But he was helped a little by the choreography, where they were 2 different character types. Still, when they were doing identical movements, Jose wasn't great. I liked how he did it, just he's nothing compared to Kent. The judges patted Jose on the head like a child, telling him he kept up just fine.
Lauren and Adechike - Foxtrot by Jean-Marc Généreux. It was really great. The judges had some problems with the technique, but I thought it was fabulous from a spectator's perspective. Lauren's so sparkly and graceful.
Billy and Robert - Bollywood. That was really cool. I thought they were pretty equally matched actually! Robert really seemed to have those hands down perfectly. Fun times.
Two people out tomorrow. I'll bet Jose and Adechike. But just as they're signing off -- Cat mentions that Lauren is with the medic. OH HOLY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! If Lauren's out, I'm out. We've lost too many good ones this year. Jesus.
Kent and Anya - Cha Cha by Jean-Marc Généreux. They've already done a Cha Cha together, and this one was just as inappropriate as the other. Because she looks 40 and he looks 12. It was fine. Anya looked SUPER weird -- her hair was awful and was her shirt supposed to come off? Because it seemed like the kind of costume layer that was meant to come off. Who knows.
Robert and Kathryn - Contemporary by Stacey. Haven't they already danced together 100 times too? It's OK though, they're pretty. It's a piece about going off to war - and at the end there was a twist when Kathryn is revealed to be the soldier. Duh, gays aren't allowed in the military. I didn't really feel it though - whether it was because of the choreography or the crappy Belinda Carlisle cover song, I don't know for sure. It was alright.
Adechike and Courtney - Jazz by Tyce. Not that I know what I'm talking about, but it didn't seem very jazzy to me. Other than that it was set to jazz music. It was a fun routine though. Courtney killed it, as usual.
Jose and Comfort - Hip Hop. It was a weird, slow, old song, but it worked. It should have fit Jose well with that kind of easy, cool style, but I didn't buy it 100%. As usual, Jose falls short.
Lauren and Allison - Broadway by Tyce. Oooo this should be great. And it was. They're both such great dancers, it was fun. It was a really fast-paced Broadway routine, it was kind of crazy and all over the place, but Lauren was really strong and great.
Billy and Ade - Contemporary by Stacey. It was another case of "too much damn story" (Stacey loves those) - with a homeless message this time - but they were great. Ade is so big and strong while Billy is smaller and has such great lines. It was pretty great, maybe the most mature Billy has been.
Jose and Kent - Broadway. It didn't do Jose any favors comparing the two side-by-side. But he was helped a little by the choreography, where they were 2 different character types. Still, when they were doing identical movements, Jose wasn't great. I liked how he did it, just he's nothing compared to Kent. The judges patted Jose on the head like a child, telling him he kept up just fine.
Lauren and Adechike - Foxtrot by Jean-Marc Généreux. It was really great. The judges had some problems with the technique, but I thought it was fabulous from a spectator's perspective. Lauren's so sparkly and graceful.
Billy and Robert - Bollywood. That was really cool. I thought they were pretty equally matched actually! Robert really seemed to have those hands down perfectly. Fun times.
Two people out tomorrow. I'll bet Jose and Adechike. But just as they're signing off -- Cat mentions that Lauren is with the medic. OH HOLY NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!! If Lauren's out, I'm out. We've lost too many good ones this year. Jesus.
27 July 2010
Long Live Pacey
You have NO IDEA how upset I am that I missed Pacey-Con this year. Actually, you probably do have some idea. I had friends trying to make sure I didn't jump off a bridge after finding out about it.....
25 July 2010
Top Chef: DC
Michelle Bernstein is our guest judge this week. I've been to both of her restaurants down in Miami and LOVE them.
Quickfire Challenge: Make a dish with exotic proteins. "Exotic" meaning "hella gross." This is the kind of crap my friend's going to make me eat when we go to London in September. (Actually, the kind of crap he's going to make me watch him eat. I'll just have water, thanks.)
Just to complicate matters further, halfway through their prep time, they have to move to the station next to them and take over that protein. Look, it was hard enough as it was, why did we need to make it even worse? Everything looked nasty. Winner: Kelly and her emu egg omelet, which was by far the most normal thing there.
Elimination Challenge: Make a cold dish. OH GOD, IT'S A COLD WAR PUN! I guess we really can expect a political pun every goddamn week. Oy. The dishes have to be served to fellow competitors for their judgment as well. You know, cuz of that time Gorbachev had to taste Reagan's chicken soup at the Berlin Wall.
The contestants are pretty brutal about the dishes, while the real judges keep their opinions to themselves. Except for the time people were mentioning a need for acidity and Tom was like, "Did you not see the lemon on the plate?"
Smooth Brother No. 1 was chosen as the loser of Group 1. HATERS!
Winner: Smooth Brother No. 3, Kevin.
Bye-bye: Tamesha. Thank God it was her and not Kenny! I totally guessed it would be her though - you could tell in her interviews that she had been crying. And why else would she be crying.
Quickfire Challenge: Make a dish with exotic proteins. "Exotic" meaning "hella gross." This is the kind of crap my friend's going to make me eat when we go to London in September. (Actually, the kind of crap he's going to make me watch him eat. I'll just have water, thanks.)
Just to complicate matters further, halfway through their prep time, they have to move to the station next to them and take over that protein. Look, it was hard enough as it was, why did we need to make it even worse? Everything looked nasty. Winner: Kelly and her emu egg omelet, which was by far the most normal thing there.
Elimination Challenge: Make a cold dish. OH GOD, IT'S A COLD WAR PUN! I guess we really can expect a political pun every goddamn week. Oy. The dishes have to be served to fellow competitors for their judgment as well. You know, cuz of that time Gorbachev had to taste Reagan's chicken soup at the Berlin Wall.
The contestants are pretty brutal about the dishes, while the real judges keep their opinions to themselves. Except for the time people were mentioning a need for acidity and Tom was like, "Did you not see the lemon on the plate?"
Smooth Brother No. 1 was chosen as the loser of Group 1. HATERS!
Winner: Smooth Brother No. 3, Kevin.
Bye-bye: Tamesha. Thank God it was her and not Kenny! I totally guessed it would be her though - you could tell in her interviews that she had been crying. And why else would she be crying.
Avengers Assemble!
At Comic-Con, Robert Downey, Jr. is king and he knows it. This was the biggest moment at Comic-Con last night (aside from the stabbing. Yes, a nerd stabbed another nerd in the eye with a pen.).
If you enjoy 5000 simultaneous nerdgasms like I do, you'll enjoy this footage of the casting announcement for The Avengers. Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye? Thank you, Jesus! I'm all in. See you there next year, fellas.
If you enjoy 5000 simultaneous nerdgasms like I do, you'll enjoy this footage of the casting announcement for The Avengers. Jeremy Renner as Hawkeye? Thank you, Jesus! I'm all in. See you there next year, fellas.
24 July 2010
Salt Made Me Salty
I love me some Angelina Jolie, but I still didn't love Salt. How disappointing. It's not like it's a total waste of time, but I just wasn't feeling it. I think the movie's trying to be Jason Bourne with a vagina, but the story kind of sucks and I think that's the main problem I had with it. I just didn't care about Salt or what happened to her, so there wasn't any real tension. The stunts were fun, but a little crazy and unrealistic. And My Girl kicks ass and get in some nice kills, but overall it's not a must-see.
I think Inception has ruined all other movies for me.
22 July 2010
SYTYCD: Results
The group performance was a really great jazz number. You know who wasn't missing? Jose. Seriously, where the eff was Jose?? I love how they just keep him out of things entirely. Can he leave tonight already?
Bottom 3: Billy, by rule. Jose and Robert because Jose sucks and Robert is annoying.
For our Best Of routine we got Lauren and Neil. Yay for Neil in guyliner, that always makes me happy. Jose actually put some effort into his solo again - he really is doing much better in his own style of dance.
The judges decided no one was going home this week, and instead 2 people would go home next week. Well thanks, I just wasted a half hour fast-forwarding through this nonsense for nothing. I guess they decided that mostly because Billy elected to sit out. So if they let him go through it would be setting a precedent that you can take a week off if you feel like it. Hmmmm. It still kind of sets that precedent, doesn't it? Eh, whatever, I'm just pissed I sat through this. At least I got some Neil action.
Bottom 3: Billy, by rule. Jose and Robert because Jose sucks and Robert is annoying.
For our Best Of routine we got Lauren and Neil. Yay for Neil in guyliner, that always makes me happy. Jose actually put some effort into his solo again - he really is doing much better in his own style of dance.
The judges decided no one was going home this week, and instead 2 people would go home next week. Well thanks, I just wasted a half hour fast-forwarding through this nonsense for nothing. I guess they decided that mostly because Billy elected to sit out. So if they let him go through it would be setting a precedent that you can take a week off if you feel like it. Hmmmm. It still kind of sets that precedent, doesn't it? Eh, whatever, I'm just pissed I sat through this. At least I got some Neil action.
I Miss Comic-Con, But Not Tron
I'm not at Comic-Con this year, for the first time in 3 years. It's by choice, because we wanted to spend the time and money elsewhere this year, but now I miss it. I know that instead of bemoaning what I'm missing (Angelina Freaking Jolie! Probably the entire goddamn cast of The Avengers! A complete and total lack of Twilight panel!) I need to concentrate on the things that suck - lack of sleep, getting up at 4 AM, endless lines, lack of proper nutrition, crazy-ass crowds of people. Then again, those are the fun parts too.
But you know what I'm OK with missing? The Tron: Legacy panel. I just don't get it. Mike loves Tron and this movie has been featured in some way at Comic-Con both years we were there. Here's the trailer. I still don't get it. Since Mike's obsessed, I'll be watching the original before we go see this in December, but it seems really hard to get through - so freaking outdated and ridiculous. We'll see.
Anyway, I'm quite sure there was a collective nerdgasm in Hall H today when this was shown.
But you know what I'm OK with missing? The Tron: Legacy panel. I just don't get it. Mike loves Tron and this movie has been featured in some way at Comic-Con both years we were there. Here's the trailer. I still don't get it. Since Mike's obsessed, I'll be watching the original before we go see this in December, but it seems really hard to get through - so freaking outdated and ridiculous. We'll see.
Anyway, I'm quite sure there was a collective nerdgasm in Hall H today when this was shown.
21 July 2010
SYTYCD: Performances
It's time to play Guess Who Was Injured This Week! The answer? Billy Bell! It's a knee injury, and even though the doctors said he could dance, he decided not to. Pussy quitter. Jesus Christ, this season is cursed. Why is this happening? I guess the winner will just be the last dancer standing. This also means we're even more desperate to fill 2 hours. Yay fast-forward button.
Lauren and Twitch - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a cool routine and Lauren was awesome! She's good at hip hop - I really like her. Good thing, since she's the last girl. I mean, what was with those somersault type things she did? Insane!
Jose and Allison - Contemporary by Sonya. I'm thankful for a Sonya routine, but doubtful Jose can pull this off. Well, the routine was weird. Jose was sitting on the edge of the stage the whole time. Like, the whole time!!! There was no dancing. He just didn't do much. I'm pretty sure I could have done his part. Once again, they treat Jose with kid gloves. Oy.
Robert and Lauren - Jazz by Tyce. Robert pretends to be sexually interested in Lauren. How cute. It was a good piece and he was excellent. As long as he's not talking, it's all good.
Kent and Kathryn - Jazz by Sonya. Oh yay we actually have 2 talented dancers take on a Sonya routine! It was a more cheery, upbeat routine than we're used to getting from Sonya. They were great - but I was mostly watching Kathryn because she's so amazing.
Adechike and Comfort - Lyrical Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a cool routine and he was great, but I was really in awe of Comfort. She wasn't this awesome during her season. She's grown a lot and maybe it's because we only see her doing her style now, but she rules. Adechike was great though and got a lot of passion in there - he was crying, it was crazy. Well done.
Robert and Lauren - Samba. It was great, really high-energy and fun. They make a really nice pairing. Lauren's really great.
Adechike and Jose - Paso Doble. Whoa. Same sex Paso Doble. Two shirtless men dancing together. Yessssss. It was really cool, but Adechike out-danced Jose. They both definitely had the attitude and did the characters well, but Adechicke > Jose.
Kent and (not Billy) - Stepping. Oh god - these white boys are going to do stepping? I don't care, I love stepping, I'll take it. Billy, of course, was hurt so Twitch steps in. YAY - now that's what I'm talking about. I think Kent was good though - kind of played off the whole whitebread thing. It worked. If he wasn't so gosh-darn, golly-gee ADHD annoying, I might like him more.
Man, if Billy goes home this week we're stuck with Jose again. He's gotten waaaay farther that he should have already.
Lauren and Twitch - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a cool routine and Lauren was awesome! She's good at hip hop - I really like her. Good thing, since she's the last girl. I mean, what was with those somersault type things she did? Insane!
Jose and Allison - Contemporary by Sonya. I'm thankful for a Sonya routine, but doubtful Jose can pull this off. Well, the routine was weird. Jose was sitting on the edge of the stage the whole time. Like, the whole time!!! There was no dancing. He just didn't do much. I'm pretty sure I could have done his part. Once again, they treat Jose with kid gloves. Oy.
Robert and Lauren - Jazz by Tyce. Robert pretends to be sexually interested in Lauren. How cute. It was a good piece and he was excellent. As long as he's not talking, it's all good.
Kent and Kathryn - Jazz by Sonya. Oh yay we actually have 2 talented dancers take on a Sonya routine! It was a more cheery, upbeat routine than we're used to getting from Sonya. They were great - but I was mostly watching Kathryn because she's so amazing.
Adechike and Comfort - Lyrical Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a cool routine and he was great, but I was really in awe of Comfort. She wasn't this awesome during her season. She's grown a lot and maybe it's because we only see her doing her style now, but she rules. Adechike was great though and got a lot of passion in there - he was crying, it was crazy. Well done.
Robert and Lauren - Samba. It was great, really high-energy and fun. They make a really nice pairing. Lauren's really great.
Adechike and Jose - Paso Doble. Whoa. Same sex Paso Doble. Two shirtless men dancing together. Yessssss. It was really cool, but Adechike out-danced Jose. They both definitely had the attitude and did the characters well, but Adechicke > Jose.
Kent and (not Billy) - Stepping. Oh god - these white boys are going to do stepping? I don't care, I love stepping, I'll take it. Billy, of course, was hurt so Twitch steps in. YAY - now that's what I'm talking about. I think Kent was good though - kind of played off the whole whitebread thing. It worked. If he wasn't so gosh-darn, golly-gee ADHD annoying, I might like him more.
Man, if Billy goes home this week we're stuck with Jose again. He's gotten waaaay farther that he should have already.
20 July 2010
Very Good!
Nothing like Dora the Explorer taking on Inception - I'm sorry, Incepción. No spoilers or anything - but it's funny as hell.
| Incepción from Electric Spoofaloo on Take180.com |
17 July 2010
The Town Trailer
I am really looking forward to this movie. Jon Hamm AND Jeremy Renner? God does exist!! Plus I thought Ben Affleck was fat but noooo - we get bonus Ben Affleck Abs! And all with Boston accents. Excuse me while I go curl up and die.
Inception: Holy Crap
Inception was one of my most eagerly-anticipated movies of the year. The trailer was amazing with amazing music, the visuals looks great, and it's a Christopher Nolan film. I was even willing to overlook my general dislike for Leonardo DiCaprio to see it. I've been on Severe Media Blackout for any commercials or articles or reviews - I didn't want to accidentally learn anything about the movie. Well, I'm beyond thrilled to say the movie lived up to my expectations, and probably exceeded them. It was an amazing film, and I often couldn't believe what I was seeing.
The movie is about creating dreams and it's also so much like a dream. Concepts introduced in the film are pretty much how the movie itself plays out. The main part of the film involves building a dream within a dream within a dream, and I found myself forgetting where the real world of the movie was. I couldn't remember how I got there, much as you can't remember how you ended up somewhere in a dream.
I don't know if I've ever been so fully immersed in a movie before. Again, much like a dream, it was complex and bizarre - surreal and yet understandable at the same time. It felt both long and short. When I walked out of the theater I found myself losing my balance, quite literally hitting the wall beside me. It definitely throws you off.
I also can't remember if I've ever been in a packed theater that quiet before. Everyone was riveted. After what was simply the most amazing, gravity-defying fight scene ever, the audience erupted into applause. It was like we couldn't believe what we just saw.
The visual style of the film is awesome. Everyone's dressed up with slicked-back hair, architecture plays a huge role in the film -- man, I just loved it. And the ending is quite perfect, ending just as a dream would, making you want more.
Now that I've seen Inception, I want to know everything about it. I want to know how they made it and I definitely plan to see it again.
Christopher Nolan (who wrote and directed) is a genius and if he doesn't get some Oscar recognition for creating this amazing universe, the world can go screw. And one last thing: Joseph Gordon-Levitt is hot as balls and amazing in this. He's come a long way since 3rd Rock From the Sun.
15 July 2010
SYTYCD: Results
Cat is very, very bright yellow tonight. My eyes!!! That dress is also very short, and I'm hoping for an upskirt. We didn't get one though, even when she was arm-wrestling an 11-year-old boy on stage. Yep, you read that right.
Bottom 3: Ashley, by rule. Billy, which I guess is understandable. Jose, which is BEYOND understandable. Still no word on Ashley's injury, I mean we haven't even seen the bitch in the audience, so I'm guessing she's bad off and she'll have to go.
Comfort and Twitch Hip Hip was our Best-Of routine tonight. Good times!
Jose's solo was amazing, so I was pleasantly surprised. Ashley doesn't come out until the end, so I guess she's not dead after all! But her doctors say she needs weeks of rest.
Bye-bye: Ashley. They're doing it for her, so she has time to recover, and can do the tour. But it's a shame because Ashley was really getting good. So we're down to one chick, just like I thought we'd be.
Bottom 3: Ashley, by rule. Billy, which I guess is understandable. Jose, which is BEYOND understandable. Still no word on Ashley's injury, I mean we haven't even seen the bitch in the audience, so I'm guessing she's bad off and she'll have to go.
Comfort and Twitch Hip Hip was our Best-Of routine tonight. Good times!
Jose's solo was amazing, so I was pleasantly surprised. Ashley doesn't come out until the end, so I guess she's not dead after all! But her doctors say she needs weeks of rest.
Bye-bye: Ashley. They're doing it for her, so she has time to recover, and can do the tour. But it's a shame because Ashley was really getting good. So we're down to one chick, just like I thought we'd be.
Top Chef: DC
Quickfire Challenge: Blue crabs! Hell yes! I love me some crabs, but don't really love the whole slicing-a-live-crab-in-half thing. Ed wins with his Thai-inspired dish. This offends Smooth Brother #2, who is from Baltimore and therefore a crab purist.
Elimination Challenge: Create a meal at a local farm - and they all have to work as one team, which isn't likely to end well. They kind of ended up splitting into pairs anyway. It was tough conditions cooking outside, but a lot of the food looked good. There were just a few boring dishes, nothing too tragic.
Winner: Kenny (Smooth Brother #1) and his curried eggplant. My man!
The lamest dishes were at the bottom - a salad, a soup, and some roasted turnips. Snooze!
Bye-bye: Tim (Smooth Brother #2). Yeah, he kind of sucked always.
Elimination Challenge: Create a meal at a local farm - and they all have to work as one team, which isn't likely to end well. They kind of ended up splitting into pairs anyway. It was tough conditions cooking outside, but a lot of the food looked good. There were just a few boring dishes, nothing too tragic.
Winner: Kenny (Smooth Brother #1) and his curried eggplant. My man!
The lamest dishes were at the bottom - a salad, a soup, and some roasted turnips. Snooze!
Bye-bye: Tim (Smooth Brother #2). Yeah, he kind of sucked always.
14 July 2010
SYTYCD: Performances
The dancers come out and I'm immediately all, "Where's Ashley!?" Oh god - another injury???? Yep, Ashley hurt her ribs and can't dance tonight. Oh holy Jesus, this really hasn't happened like this before. This show is killing people!!
Lauren and Mark - Tahitian Dance. Well, that's a new one. It was gimmicky, as all of those one-off cultural routines are. The costumes always seem to interfere. It was fine -- who knows what Tahitian dance is really supposed to look like. Lots of hip shaking, from what I can tell.
Adechike and Anya - Salsa. It was an ultra-hard routine, which doesn't do Adechike any favors when the judges' main complaint with him is that he looks like he's trying too hard. Indeed, he definitely looked like he was trying hard - and succeeding. He did a good amount of partnering, loads of lifts and twists and things.
Jose and Courtney - Broadway. It seemed like the shortest routine in history, and like nothing happened -- was there dancing involved? It was done to "Mr. Cellophane" and Jose was supposed to be invisible to showgirl Courtney. So what you have is them performing separately, and Jose performing with no personality. FAIL. You know what the judges treat Jose like? A retard. They always talk about how cute he is and how hard he tries. This isn't the Special Olympics. I like Jose a lot too, but he can't dance.
Robert and Allison - Contemporary by Travis Wall. The choreography was really pretty and I liked the part where it got fast and they were really in sync. The judges freaked out (of course they did - it was a "for my sick mother" routine) and Cat even got choked up. CAT NEVER TEARS UP! I think she's just trying to fill time.... But for reals -- Travis Wall is the best choreographer on the show now.
Billy and Anya - Jive. It was fine. For a second I almost thought Billy was into chicks. It was hard so it looked like he was trying hard. Meh, it was fine.
Kent and Neil - a Broadway baseball routine by Tyce. I love Neil with a passion so I'm kind of surprised I actually watched Kent and noticed he was good. They both have that athletic/gymnast style. It was a really nice match and they had great tricks and energy. Kent may have out-danced Neil by a bit, and that's hard for me to admit. Moving on.
Billy and Lauren - Jazz by Mandy Moore. I wasn't really feeling the routine. Mandy Moore's kind of been sucking it up lately, yes? It was fine. If anything, I liked Lauren more than Billy.
Jose and Dominic - B Boy routine by Tabitha & Napoleon. OK, so here's the problem -- Dominic is REALLY good and is going to pwn Jose. But I'm still excited for a good B Boy routine. Legacy even assisted in the rehearsals, and damn but I wish he would have performed. It was good, but you could totally tell how much better Dominic is. To me, Dominic has the great personality here, not Jose.
Kent and Adechike - Contemporary. Adechike insists on perpetuating the myth that Kent likes girls. It's cute. The routine was good, and the judges were actually complimentary of Adechike for once. But again, I'll say that Kent is a great dancer. There I said it.
Robert and Kathryn (substituting for Ashley) - Disco. Oh Christ, hammy-ass Robert is going to do disco. It was goofy fun, as all disco routines are. A couple of the lifts/drops were a bit stilted - but probably only because they were so difficult.
I don't know, I don't think I was really feeling the show tonight for some reason. It's sad when Kent is the dancer who really stood out to me. At least we had Travis's great routine to save the night.
Lauren and Mark - Tahitian Dance. Well, that's a new one. It was gimmicky, as all of those one-off cultural routines are. The costumes always seem to interfere. It was fine -- who knows what Tahitian dance is really supposed to look like. Lots of hip shaking, from what I can tell.
Adechike and Anya - Salsa. It was an ultra-hard routine, which doesn't do Adechike any favors when the judges' main complaint with him is that he looks like he's trying too hard. Indeed, he definitely looked like he was trying hard - and succeeding. He did a good amount of partnering, loads of lifts and twists and things.
Jose and Courtney - Broadway. It seemed like the shortest routine in history, and like nothing happened -- was there dancing involved? It was done to "Mr. Cellophane" and Jose was supposed to be invisible to showgirl Courtney. So what you have is them performing separately, and Jose performing with no personality. FAIL. You know what the judges treat Jose like? A retard. They always talk about how cute he is and how hard he tries. This isn't the Special Olympics. I like Jose a lot too, but he can't dance.
Robert and Allison - Contemporary by Travis Wall. The choreography was really pretty and I liked the part where it got fast and they were really in sync. The judges freaked out (of course they did - it was a "for my sick mother" routine) and Cat even got choked up. CAT NEVER TEARS UP! I think she's just trying to fill time.... But for reals -- Travis Wall is the best choreographer on the show now.
Billy and Anya - Jive. It was fine. For a second I almost thought Billy was into chicks. It was hard so it looked like he was trying hard. Meh, it was fine.
Kent and Neil - a Broadway baseball routine by Tyce. I love Neil with a passion so I'm kind of surprised I actually watched Kent and noticed he was good. They both have that athletic/gymnast style. It was a really nice match and they had great tricks and energy. Kent may have out-danced Neil by a bit, and that's hard for me to admit. Moving on.
Billy and Lauren - Jazz by Mandy Moore. I wasn't really feeling the routine. Mandy Moore's kind of been sucking it up lately, yes? It was fine. If anything, I liked Lauren more than Billy.
Jose and Dominic - B Boy routine by Tabitha & Napoleon. OK, so here's the problem -- Dominic is REALLY good and is going to pwn Jose. But I'm still excited for a good B Boy routine. Legacy even assisted in the rehearsals, and damn but I wish he would have performed. It was good, but you could totally tell how much better Dominic is. To me, Dominic has the great personality here, not Jose.
Kent and Adechike - Contemporary. Adechike insists on perpetuating the myth that Kent likes girls. It's cute. The routine was good, and the judges were actually complimentary of Adechike for once. But again, I'll say that Kent is a great dancer. There I said it.
Robert and Kathryn (substituting for Ashley) - Disco. Oh Christ, hammy-ass Robert is going to do disco. It was goofy fun, as all disco routines are. A couple of the lifts/drops were a bit stilted - but probably only because they were so difficult.
I don't know, I don't think I was really feeling the show tonight for some reason. It's sad when Kent is the dancer who really stood out to me. At least we had Travis's great routine to save the night.
10 July 2010
Predators
Predators was awesome, yo! It was very Predator-y. The jungle setting, the scary aliens, the people trapped and being hunted -- all done really well. What else do you need? Adrien Brody is fabulous as an action hero. He's still got that big honkin nose and quirkiness, but now combined with a hot short haircut and some amazing arms and chestal regions. Damn.
I like guns, I like sci-fi, I like action, so I liked Predators. Good, clean, popcorn-movie fun. The end.
Top Chef: DC
Quickfire Challenge: Make a dish -- and a pureed version for babies. We find out that Smooth Brother #1's wife died when their daughter was a year old (she's now 16). I love Smooth Brother #1 even more now. The winners are Smooth Brother #1 and the Black Chick That Doesn't Suck.
Elimination Challenge: Design breakfast, lunch, and dinner dishes for Hilton to select for their hotels. They're doing it in pairs, tournament-style, and the losing duo goes home.
Round 1: Breakfast. Smooth Brother #1 made an egg on toast with prosciutto and manchego. Oh holy lord - I want to eat that! The crabcake Benedict looked effing amazing too - made by Smooth Brother #2 (from Baltimore - so that crabcake better be good!) and the Black Chick That Usually Sucks. That won, along with another dish, so they don't have to move on to lunch.
Round 2: Lunch. The scallops looked the bomb, and they won, along with something else.
Round 3: Dinner. We've only got 3 teams - 1) Smooth Brother #1 and #3, 2) My Girl Andrea and The Annoying Chick, and 3) The Gay Asian and the Old Chick. I like at least one person on each team, and don't want any of the teams to be booted. Damn.
Teams 1 and 2 both serve short ribs, and Team 3 serves curry mussels and fresh pasta. Both of the short ribs are good, and look really good too - I love me some short ribs!
Bye-bye: Lynn and Arnold. And as much as I found The Gay Asian entertaining, I REALLY didn't want Smooth Brother #1 gone. So that's a relief.
Elimination Challenge: Design breakfast, lunch, and dinner dishes for Hilton to select for their hotels. They're doing it in pairs, tournament-style, and the losing duo goes home.
Round 1: Breakfast. Smooth Brother #1 made an egg on toast with prosciutto and manchego. Oh holy lord - I want to eat that! The crabcake Benedict looked effing amazing too - made by Smooth Brother #2 (from Baltimore - so that crabcake better be good!) and the Black Chick That Usually Sucks. That won, along with another dish, so they don't have to move on to lunch.
Round 2: Lunch. The scallops looked the bomb, and they won, along with something else.
Round 3: Dinner. We've only got 3 teams - 1) Smooth Brother #1 and #3, 2) My Girl Andrea and The Annoying Chick, and 3) The Gay Asian and the Old Chick. I like at least one person on each team, and don't want any of the teams to be booted. Damn.
Teams 1 and 2 both serve short ribs, and Team 3 serves curry mussels and fresh pasta. Both of the short ribs are good, and look really good too - I love me some short ribs!
Bye-bye: Lynn and Arnold. And as much as I found The Gay Asian entertaining, I REALLY didn't want Smooth Brother #1 gone. So that's a relief.
09 July 2010
Mel Gibson's Finest Role
Well, here it is - the eagerly-anticipated audio. He just sounds like a nonsensical asshole. I'd love to see how he comes back from this. But then again, I still love Alec Baldwin.
08 July 2010
SYTYCD: Results
I think I'm supposed to be excited that LeBron James is coming here to play. Instead, I'm nervous about whether Alex is too injured to continue.
Bottom 3: Alex, by rule. Billy. WHAT!? BILLY? Of all people? Ashley. WHAAAAAAAT TIMES TWO!? She had a great night too. This really sucks.
You know what I'm sick of? The judges making it all about them. Like Adam talking about the Oscars and - instead of starting with Billy's critique - being sure to thank his co-producer. Adam, don't start pissing me off. Mia tried to redeem herself by apologizing to Adechike. That was big of her - cuz she sure was turning into a Giant C. I don't think I accept it yet though. She needs to check herself before she wrecks herself.
Alex comes out at the end on crutches, and you just know it's not going to be good news. Bye-bye: Alex. This is the first time an injury took out someone major like this on this show. He has a lacerated Achilles tendon. Bollocks. He has to rest for at least 3 months. Poor kid. Survives the Miami Ballet and gets injured on a TV show. They said he can come back next year. This is depressing. He could've won this thing. He should've won this thing. And now I won't be able to see his Hip Hop routine on the finale! Waaaaah!
Bottom 3: Alex, by rule. Billy. WHAT!? BILLY? Of all people? Ashley. WHAAAAAAAT TIMES TWO!? She had a great night too. This really sucks.
You know what I'm sick of? The judges making it all about them. Like Adam talking about the Oscars and - instead of starting with Billy's critique - being sure to thank his co-producer. Adam, don't start pissing me off. Mia tried to redeem herself by apologizing to Adechike. That was big of her - cuz she sure was turning into a Giant C. I don't think I accept it yet though. She needs to check herself before she wrecks herself.
Alex comes out at the end on crutches, and you just know it's not going to be good news. Bye-bye: Alex. This is the first time an injury took out someone major like this on this show. He has a lacerated Achilles tendon. Bollocks. He has to rest for at least 3 months. Poor kid. Survives the Miami Ballet and gets injured on a TV show. They said he can come back next year. This is depressing. He could've won this thing. He should've won this thing. And now I won't be able to see his Hip Hop routine on the finale! Waaaaah!
Emmy Nominations
So I don't want to say that the Emmy nominations were crap this morning. But they were crap.
I hate Glee with a passion - and everyone in it - so the nominations for those people made me want to puke. Seriously, I don't know what it is, but Lea Michele makes me want to slit my wrists just looking at her. She annoys me, yet I've never really watched her. Go figure.
For Best Actress, the only lovely surprise was Amy Poehler for Parks & Recreation. There were a ton of random nominations for shows I don't watch.
Other than that - John Noble not being nominated for Fringe makes me want to tear my eyeballs out. The show only got nominated in some sound category. Excuse me while I go vomit.
Nominations here. GO MAD MEN!!!
I hate Glee with a passion - and everyone in it - so the nominations for those people made me want to puke. Seriously, I don't know what it is, but Lea Michele makes me want to slit my wrists just looking at her. She annoys me, yet I've never really watched her. Go figure.
For Best Actress, the only lovely surprise was Amy Poehler for Parks & Recreation. There were a ton of random nominations for shows I don't watch.
Other than that - John Noble not being nominated for Fringe makes me want to tear my eyeballs out. The show only got nominated in some sound category. Excuse me while I go vomit.
Nominations here. GO MAD MEN!!!
07 July 2010
SYTYCD: Performances
Everyone dances twice tonight - once with an All-Star and once with a co-contestant. Everyone except for Alex. He was injured yesterday - and they think it's a ruptured Achilles tendon. Oh good lord -- if that's true that's really bad. His ass will be taken out by the doctors I bet. DAMN! Plus, Alex had drawn Bollywood with Adechike - that would have been cool.
Lauren and Pasha - Cha Cha by Jean-Marc Généreux. Um, she couldn't have been wearing fewer clothes. The chick was mostly naked - and this from the girl who almost had the boob pop out last week. It was fine - she was really good, but I hate Pasha, so I just get grossed out by him.
Jose and Lauren - Contemporary by Mandy Moore. He didn't really do anything. Seriously, she was doing all the work. He just stood there and kind of flowed with her sometimes, like they do on Dancing With the Stars. I like him and everything - I really do - but he's not that great of a dancer and he didn't seem to do much in that routine. The judges creamed themselves over him, because they're always nicer to Jose.
Kent and Comfort - Hip Hop by Dave Scott. Oh god this should be a nightmare. Farm Boy Hip Hop. They did him a favor by making the routine smooth rather than hard-hitting. He had a Justin Timberlake thing about him. It was fine. Hard-hitting would have been way worse.
Adechike and Courtney - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It looked like a really hard routine - lots of climbing on barstools. I was mostly focused on Courtney really. There didn't seem to be a lot of dancing though. Mia really slammed him, but it's not really his fault if the routine didn't call for dancing.
Billy and Katee - Broadway. Allison was injured, so Katee filled in - and it was awesome to see her again! I thought the routine was great and Billy was excellent. The style really fit him.
Ashley and Dominic - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It's been too long since we've seen Dominic. The routine was good and Ninja-y, and I thought Ashley was great. I was actually watching her - and this is the first time she really stood out to me. Loved it!
Robert and Kathryn - Jazz. Talk about 2 hotties dancing together - I'm excited! The routine looked hard, but something about it didn't grab me. The judges loved it though, and I'd swear she slipped at one point, but no one mentioned it. Wow, though, Robert is just as tall as Cat - that's gotta be a first!
Adechike - Bollywood with some Indian Chick because Alex is injured. It was a great, crazy routine, as all Bollywood routines are. Adechike was great and damn he had some great height on those jumps. Oy! But he got killed by the judges -- and Cat very astutely pointed out that the judges weren't as critical about Jose's Bollywood a few weeks back. GO CAT!!!!!! There's some weird favoritism going on there; the judges suck tonight. They're being brutal at the wrong times and Jesus they're just awful.
Kent and Lauren - Contemporary by Travis. The routine was AMAZING! It was really gorgeous and they were both great. Seriously, that routine was the bomb. And Farm Boy didn't bother me for once. I want to see that one again.
Robert and Ashley - Quickstep by Jean-Marc Généreux. The dreaded quickstep. It's hard for me to judge quickstep, but it looked good to me. And have I mentioned lately how hot Robert is in eyeliner and costumes? Cuz he's hot.
Jose and Billy - African Jazz. It was clear Billy was better - and I'd swear it almost seemed like he was holding himself back - but it was well done. Billy's leg extensions were just killing me. I didn't think Jose was powerful enough - again he just doesn't give everything. Or maybe he does, and that's all he has to give.
I'm gonna guess it's Adechike's time to go. Well, unless Alex leaving counts as an elimination. I want to put Adechike out of his misery; I feel so bad for him now when the judges murder him.
Lauren and Pasha - Cha Cha by Jean-Marc Généreux. Um, she couldn't have been wearing fewer clothes. The chick was mostly naked - and this from the girl who almost had the boob pop out last week. It was fine - she was really good, but I hate Pasha, so I just get grossed out by him.
Jose and Lauren - Contemporary by Mandy Moore. He didn't really do anything. Seriously, she was doing all the work. He just stood there and kind of flowed with her sometimes, like they do on Dancing With the Stars. I like him and everything - I really do - but he's not that great of a dancer and he didn't seem to do much in that routine. The judges creamed themselves over him, because they're always nicer to Jose.
Kent and Comfort - Hip Hop by Dave Scott. Oh god this should be a nightmare. Farm Boy Hip Hop. They did him a favor by making the routine smooth rather than hard-hitting. He had a Justin Timberlake thing about him. It was fine. Hard-hitting would have been way worse.
Adechike and Courtney - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It looked like a really hard routine - lots of climbing on barstools. I was mostly focused on Courtney really. There didn't seem to be a lot of dancing though. Mia really slammed him, but it's not really his fault if the routine didn't call for dancing.
Billy and Katee - Broadway. Allison was injured, so Katee filled in - and it was awesome to see her again! I thought the routine was great and Billy was excellent. The style really fit him.
Ashley and Dominic - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It's been too long since we've seen Dominic. The routine was good and Ninja-y, and I thought Ashley was great. I was actually watching her - and this is the first time she really stood out to me. Loved it!
Robert and Kathryn - Jazz. Talk about 2 hotties dancing together - I'm excited! The routine looked hard, but something about it didn't grab me. The judges loved it though, and I'd swear she slipped at one point, but no one mentioned it. Wow, though, Robert is just as tall as Cat - that's gotta be a first!
Adechike - Bollywood with some Indian Chick because Alex is injured. It was a great, crazy routine, as all Bollywood routines are. Adechike was great and damn he had some great height on those jumps. Oy! But he got killed by the judges -- and Cat very astutely pointed out that the judges weren't as critical about Jose's Bollywood a few weeks back. GO CAT!!!!!! There's some weird favoritism going on there; the judges suck tonight. They're being brutal at the wrong times and Jesus they're just awful.
Kent and Lauren - Contemporary by Travis. The routine was AMAZING! It was really gorgeous and they were both great. Seriously, that routine was the bomb. And Farm Boy didn't bother me for once. I want to see that one again.
Robert and Ashley - Quickstep by Jean-Marc Généreux. The dreaded quickstep. It's hard for me to judge quickstep, but it looked good to me. And have I mentioned lately how hot Robert is in eyeliner and costumes? Cuz he's hot.
Jose and Billy - African Jazz. It was clear Billy was better - and I'd swear it almost seemed like he was holding himself back - but it was well done. Billy's leg extensions were just killing me. I didn't think Jose was powerful enough - again he just doesn't give everything. Or maybe he does, and that's all he has to give.
I'm gonna guess it's Adechike's time to go. Well, unless Alex leaving counts as an elimination. I want to put Adechike out of his misery; I feel so bad for him now when the judges murder him.
01 July 2010
SYTYCD: Results
If there's any justice in the world, Melinda's gone tonight and Alex is named automatic Winner For Life. Cat's rocking the messy bedroom hair tonight. That black dress looks familiar though. Seriously, is she repeating outfits now? The horror!
Bottom 3: Billy, Robert, and Melinda. Well, Billy's flat-out BS, and maybe Robert's not awesome but have I mentioned lately that he's hot? That's OK, it just means Melinda's 100% guaranteed to leave, right? RIGHT!?
Courtney and Mark performed their brilliant Sonya routine tonight. I remembered it right away. Classic stuff.
Bye-bye: Melinda. Well, duhhhhhhhhhhh. Thank god. Now we're probably gonna start picking off some guys.
Bottom 3: Billy, Robert, and Melinda. Well, Billy's flat-out BS, and maybe Robert's not awesome but have I mentioned lately that he's hot? That's OK, it just means Melinda's 100% guaranteed to leave, right? RIGHT!?
Courtney and Mark performed their brilliant Sonya routine tonight. I remembered it right away. Classic stuff.
Bye-bye: Melinda. Well, duhhhhhhhhhhh. Thank god. Now we're probably gonna start picking off some guys.
Top Chef: DC
Quickfire Challenge: Make a pie from scratch. Goddamn, I want some pie. None of that Curry Whiskey Apple Date Pie though, thanks. Smooth Brother No. 1 wins. Yay Kenny!
Elimination Challenge: Prepare a picnic for 150 Capitol Hill interns. They get to grill at Mount Vernon too. Awesome!
The Fat Chick alternately irritates and amuses me. She's utterly classless and belongs on Hell's Kitchen. But her freaking trailer-trash accent cracks me up. What a mess.
I love that Fish Guy thought his food was the bomb, but meanwhile it was one of the worst. Talk about an effed-up palette. Smooth Brother No. 2 has a ton of confidence too, but so far hasn't lived up to my expectations. I mean, since when can a brother not barbecue some damn pork ribs?
Winner: Fussy Gay Arnold and his lamb meatballs.
Bye-bye: Fat Chick a/k/a Tracey and her crappy-ass sausage burgers. She didn't even really try. At least I don't have to be irritated by her roughness anymore!
Elimination Challenge: Prepare a picnic for 150 Capitol Hill interns. They get to grill at Mount Vernon too. Awesome!
The Fat Chick alternately irritates and amuses me. She's utterly classless and belongs on Hell's Kitchen. But her freaking trailer-trash accent cracks me up. What a mess.
I love that Fish Guy thought his food was the bomb, but meanwhile it was one of the worst. Talk about an effed-up palette. Smooth Brother No. 2 has a ton of confidence too, but so far hasn't lived up to my expectations. I mean, since when can a brother not barbecue some damn pork ribs?
Winner: Fussy Gay Arnold and his lamb meatballs.
Bye-bye: Fat Chick a/k/a Tracey and her crappy-ass sausage burgers. She didn't even really try. At least I don't have to be irritated by her roughness anymore!
Audio Tape of the Year
Forget Christian Bale's raveout or Alec Baldwin calling his daughter a pig. THIS is the tape I want to hear. Mark my words -- "I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first." is going to be this year's "rude, thoughtless little pig."
In one of the most explosive, racist and vile outbursts by a celebrity ever caught on tape, Mel Gibson told the mother of his love child that the way she was dressed would get her "raped by a pack of n***ers," RadarOnline.com has learned exclusively.
It's a shocking and blockbuster development in the couple's bitter legal battle, and Mel's disgusting words are on audio tape. His racist, misogynist statement is one of the secrets lurking in his war with his former girlfriend Oksana Grigorieva.
RadarOnline.com has heard the tape, which also includes Mel telling Oksana he will burn down her home.
Drunken Mel previously shocked the world with his anti-Semetic comments when busted for DUI. Now, the new racist outburst has taken the Oscar winner to an even deeper low.
His outburst came during a series of explosive arguments with Oksana, mother of his infant daughter Lucia. They have been battling in court, with documents under seal, for the past several weeks.
And there is more than one disgusting outburst from Mel. RadarOnline.com has listened to the hate-fuelled rants the Braveheart star unleashed during fights with Oksana as their relationship unraveled.
"You're an embarrassment to me," Mel tells her at one point.
"You look like a f***ing pig in heat, and if you get raped by a pack of n***ers, it will be your fault."
Mel's attorney told RadarOnline.com that he is no longer commenting on the case and said Mel's publicist is the only Mel official who will speak for him.
Mel's profane outbursts are littered with references to Oksana being a "whore" and "c**t".
In another tirade, Mel tells Oksana: "How dare you act like such a bitch when I have been so f**king nice."
He warns, "I am going to come and burn the f**king house down... but you will blow me first."
The emergence of the explicit tapes is a stunning development in the couple's bitter separation and court battle over custody of their young daughter.
RadarOnline.com first broke the story about how Mel, 54, and Oksana, 40, filed dueling restraining orders against each other under seal.
Published reports say Oksana is alleging Gibson punched her in the face twice during a fit of rage, giving her a concussion and knocking out two of her front teeth.
Gibson does not deny that they had a confrontation but has simply described it, through his lawyer, as a loud argument.
In a further outburst, Mel is heard telling her, "You're a bitch" to which Oksana insists, "I didn't do anything."
"Did so," Mel responds.
The tapes do not make it clear what the couple was arguing about.
But Mel tells Oksana, "Look what you did to me... look what you are... look what every part of you is... f**king fake... f**king fake.
"You are the most synthetic person... who the f*** are you?"
He also takes aim at Oksana's previous relationship with former James Bond star Timothy Dalton, with whom she has a 13-year-old son, Alexander.
A source close to the situation says Oksana claims she was forced to tape Mel after he made a series of death threats.
The source says she hopes the recordings will be admissible in any potential trial.
"Oksana's motivation for recording this was to show Mel how mean he was, and because she feared for her life," said the insider.
"She wanted to get evidence that he was dangerous and violent."
The source claims that Mel has heard two of the tapes.
Said the source, "Mel is doing everything he can to suppress this... they are the rantings of a mad man."
source
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