Top Chef: DC

Michelle Bernstein is our guest judge this week. I've been to both of her restaurants down in Miami and LOVE them.

Quickfire Challenge: Make a dish with exotic proteins. "Exotic" meaning "hella gross." This is the kind of crap my friend's going to make me eat when we go to London in September. (Actually, the kind of crap he's going to make me watch him eat. I'll just have water, thanks.)

Just to complicate matters further, halfway through their prep time, they have to move to the station next to them and take over that protein. Look, it was hard enough as it was, why did we need to make it even worse? Everything looked nasty. Winner: Kelly and her emu egg omelet, which was by far the most normal thing there.

Elimination Challenge: Make a cold dish. OH GOD, IT'S A COLD WAR PUN! I guess we really can expect a political pun every goddamn week. Oy. The dishes have to be served to fellow competitors for their judgment as well. You know, cuz of that time Gorbachev had to taste Reagan's chicken soup at the Berlin Wall.

The contestants are pretty brutal about the dishes, while the real judges keep their opinions to themselves. Except for the time people were mentioning a need for acidity and Tom was like, "Did you not see the lemon on the plate?"

Smooth Brother No. 1 was chosen as the loser of Group 1. HATERS!

Winner: Smooth Brother No. 3, Kevin.

Bye-bye: Tamesha. Thank God it was her and not Kenny! I totally guessed it would be her though - you could tell in her interviews that she had been crying. And why else would she be crying.