The Expendables

In the UK, they say, "It does exactly what it says on the tin." And that's exactly how I can sum up The Expendables. Here's a movie that stars just about every action star of the last 20 years (Jean-Claude Van Damme and Steven Seagal notwithstanding), and it lives up to what you'd expect.

The first part of the movie is kind of annoying in its cheesiness. It's the cheesy set-up stuff: tough guys who deep down are sensitive, a big job that a big, bad crew has to do to make money. Unfortunately, it also has 5 guys competing for Snarkiest Line instead of just 1, which makes the dialogue bloody awful. Whatever, it's fine. But once you get to the real action at the end, it makes the whole movie worth it. (Also, the movie is hella short - perfect summer popcorn movie.)

This movie has everything you'd expect (and want): 'roided-up guys, guns, knives, really big guns, fighting, the sound of breaking glass, explosions, and the obligatory message that hitting women is bad. It's also the gayest movie ever to not-feature guys with their shirts off. I mean, the homoeroticism is off the charts. It's crazy.

This movie has the craziest, most epic fight scene ever. And EXPLOSIONS for days. If you love to see stuff get blown up, see this movie. Or at least see the last 30 minutes of it.