17 February 2007

WTF Britney?


I interrupt my vacation to bring you this important news bulletin.....

Britney Spears checked into a rehab facility two days ago but refused to stay and checked out less than 24 hours later. And now she has shaved her head. Completely bald. And gotten some new tattoos. This chick is a cutter, right? What's the over/under on how long she has left to live? 3 weeks?

15 February 2007

Elliott Yamin Fans Unite!


If you watched American Idol last season, please to be enjoying this new song by my man Elliott Yamin.

Lost: Only Fools Are Enslaved by Time and Space

I've had some time to digest last night's show. I definitely enjoyed it. I like Desmond, so I didn't mind that it was almost completely his show. He was in a flashback for 90% of it. Or was he?

So I guess the show is playing with concepts of time and space. Someone has taken the brainwashing scene from last episode and run it backward, and there is a female voice saying "Only fools are enslaved by time and space." Uber-creepy and definitely season-one-level creepy.


So Desmond woke up after the explosion to find himself back home. In the past. He ran into Charlie and could predict what was going to happen. Then he was told by an oracle-type woman that he couldn't change the future and that he had to do what he had done before - break up with Penelope, enter the boat race, crash on the island, and push a button for 3 years - in order to save the world. And now that he's on the island he can still see the future - thus his attempts to save Charlie from his impending death. (BTW, who cares if Chaaaalie bites it.)

Now that I'm utterly confused, could this means that everyone's "flashbacks" that we have seen are not actually flashbacks? That they instead actually went to those places because time and space are flexible on the island? So that would be why there are crossovers like how the Widmore Company appears in a few episodes and Sayid appears in Kate's flashback and Hurley appears in Jin's flashback and people's lives intersect. Did they actually intersect or are they appearing there because they are in the people's minds? I think the producers dropped this bomb so that I can distract myself from how bad the show was thus far.

Anyone else confused or does it make perfect sense?

Important Reminder


I just wanted to remind everyone that this is banging Christina Aguilera. It never ceases to amaze me.

American Idol: Good Looking Out

Oh how I love this show. We've got the Final 24 that will perform starting next week. I'd say 80% of the performances they showed last night were horrific. There are always some bad ones in the beginning, though. Hopefully they'll get weeded out by America.

We've got The Indian Kid, The Colored Hair Girl, The Fat White Afro Funny Guy, The Beat Boxing Dude, and The Asian. The chicks I remember as being the standouts are Lakisha, Stephanie, Jordin, and Amy. Look for one of them to win and one of them to be booted out too soon.

What I don't understand this year is Randy Jackson's new catch phrase: "Good looking out". Sometimes it's "Good looking out for you". He has averaged 5 of those a show. I don't understand what it even means. It's the new "It was aiight for me". At least that made sense.

14 February 2007

Butter Faces in Love


Allegedly Howard Stern and Beth are engaged. What? I thought he was never going to get married again. Ick. Good luck this time, Howard! Make a movie about this one too!

Happy VD Everybody!!!

I took a walk this morning. Outside. With a tee shirt and shorts on. And didn't freeze to death.

I'm planning on getting some sun today, then coming inside to watch The Weather Channel so I can pretend I'm stranded at home in a snowstorm. Fun! I'm a glutton for punishment -- I'm visiting PA this weekend.

12 February 2007

Heroes: Treading Water

This episode didn't reveal too much. Radio Psychic: Matt will be a Hero who turns to the Dark Side. Sick of being crapped on and disrespected by everyone, he lashes out at humanity. Something like that.

Other than that, it was mostly B-stories. Except for poor, sad Claire and her parent issues. Ando still likes tall blonde chicks. Jessica still likes to cut dudes in half. Sylar is still a kick-ass bad guy.

Is someone dying next week? Claire's adopted mother is clearly cracking up, but I think a Hero is supposed to die.

Tonight on 24

Assad emerges from the wormhole or whatever magical form of transportation he took to get to DC. And speaking of magical, I love how resourceful these terrorists always are. Good thing Fayed dug a hole in his wall and installed a rope ladder so he could lower himself into the ventilation system, the basement, and the sewers. And has a medi-vac helicopter standing by nearby. You know, just in case they get ambushed or something.

I wish that dumb black-haired slut would just tell Jack that his father is a murderer who is forcing her to take him to a different location. Just tell him already! Save Milo! I knew Milo was going to be endangered by that whore.

Scene: The 24 Writers Room, a few months ago.
Writer No. 1: In 6 seasons, is there anything we haven't done?
Writer No. 2: We've never had a helicopter land on top of two semis.
Writer No. 3: We've never had someone take a power drill to someone's shoulder.
Writer No. 4: We've never had Jack Bauer ambush hostiles by pumping a sawed off.
Writer No. 5: We've never had members of the President's own administration plotting to murder him.
Writer No. 1: Do it. Do it all!

Radio Psychic: If they are successful in murdering Wayne (and I kinda hope they are), the shadowy conspiracy people will frame Assad for Wayne's murder.

Monday Hottie


It just gets better and better with this one.

The Refrigerator Game



One of these refrigerators belongs to a dead, bloated sexpot. The other belongs to Anna Nicole Smith. Guess which is which.

Bad Idea or the Worst Idea Ever?


VH1 is scheduled to air a new reality series, Band of Men, that will follow four ex-boybanders, all living in the same house for a month, as they create a new act - Sureshot. The singers will include Chris Kirkpatrick of N' Sync, Jeff Timmons of 98 Degrees, Rich Cronin of LFO and Bryan Abrams of Color Me Badd.

Color Me Badd?! Isn't this guy like 50 years old now? Good Lord, does VH1 know no bounds? New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits.... sing with me!!

Birthday Wishes

Happy Bithday, Mike!

And for your present.... a 2-hour episode of 24!

A Bloody Good Weekend

This weekend, we went to see Pan's Labyrinth. It is billed as this amazing, horror fairy tale. It's actually an amazing, depressing war film. It is very good, but damn! When we were leaving the theater, I was almost desperate enough to watch Norbit to cheer myself up. Almost.

We also watched Saw II this weekend. I thought it was really good! I already knew about one twist but not the other. For some reason, I always have this thing with horror movies where I think I'll be too scared to watch them. Then I watch them and it's like, That was it? I didn't find it scary so I guess that's why the gore didn't bother me. I don't know where my line is with gory movies. I think it lies just north of Tokyo. Those Japanese make some crazy horror films. (Or so I've heard.)

Saturday we had a play date with a neighbor. He's 11. We have more in common with him than any of the adults in the neighborhood. We played video games and grilled and I made his favorite cake. I kept waiting for Chris Hansen to show up.

Yesterday we went to the beach for a couple hours - in February! Then we went shopping and I capped off my weekend with the most beautiful Coach bag I've ever seen. I want to cry looking at it.

10 February 2007

Cherry Coke Zero: Day-um

Wow. This stuff is good. Forget that Starbucks cinnamon chip loaf crap - Cherry Coke Zero is my new love. I was starting to become concerned about my addiction to Coke Zero. Problem solved! Now I'll just move on to Cherry Coke Zero.

I didn't even know this stuff existed. What have I been doing with the time I usually allot to following soda trends?

09 February 2007

It's Like Christmas Eve

I don't know if I'll be able to sleep tonight. We just got back from the grocery store, where a glorious sight awaited me. CHERRY ZERO!!!

It's sitting in my fridge getting cold as we speak. I can't have the caffeine tonight. Tomorrow will be a Glorious Day!

Stay tuned for my report....

08 February 2007

Right in My Backyard!!

Anna Nicole Smith's sudden collapse at the Hard Rock Seminole Hotel & Casino on Thursday was deadly. WFOR-TV in Miami reports that Anna was found unresponsive in her hotel room. Paramedics were called and performed CPR on the tragic blonde, in addition to inserting a tube in her mouth. Paramedics were seen pumping her chest as she was taken from the hotel.

Really, death is the best thing that could happen to this woman, and her baby. She was so royally F'd up. Gee, I wonder if it was from natural causes. Or maybe Trim Spa.

Was Lost Any Good?

It wasn't bad, right? But I had read some reviews that were like, It's the greatest since the first season, and it tells you so much and asks new questions.

Did it? It told us Juliet is a prisoner on the island too. Ben said she could go home. Well then why doesn't everyone just go home? And we found out Alex is Ben's daughter, in addition to being the French chick's daughter. But so what.

I didn't expect a lot so I wasn't disappointed. I'll tell you, the flashbacks were a really nice gimmick the first season but now it's just ridiculous. When was the last time one of these flashbacks was interesting?

06 February 2007

If Everyone Sends Me Five Dollars....


The Senator Theatre, one of the last of the nation's once numerous art deco movie palaces and the only one still showing films in Baltimore, is to be sold at a foreclosure auction Feb. 21.

Tom Kiefaber, the Senator's owner, acknowledged yesterday that he is $90,000 in arrears on a $1.2 million mortgage he took out on the 900-seat theater five years ago.

OK, so who wants to go in on this with me? If I owned the theater, I'd go back to serving fountain grape soda - they got rid of it a couple years ago and I never forgave them!

Thank the TV Gods

Last week Project Runway's silver fox, Tim Gunn, announced he'll be leaving Parsons, the New York City fashion design school where Bravo's hit reality show is taped, to become chief creative officer of Liz Claiborne, Inc. But that doesn't mean Gunn won't carry on with Runway, as its fans feared — in fact, the 52-year-old told EW's Margeaux Watson, he has ''not one iota'' of doubt he'll return as the show's beloved mentor on season 4.

Thank heaven for small miracles. Also, even though he won't work there anymore, they plan to continue to use Parsons.

Don't Bother With a 24 Movie

I was watching The X-Files movie yesterday. It reminded me why there shouldn't be a 24 movie. It wasn't that good. Just stick to the show, please. Especially now that the possible release date has been pushed back even farther!

Kiefer Sutherland will spend his next hiatus from 24 starring in Mirrors, a supernatural thriller directed by Alexandre Aja (The Hills Have Eyes). He will play an ex-cop working security at a mall who discovers something evil in the mirrors of a department store. Sutherland initially planned on spending the hiatus — which begins in April when he completes shooting for the sixth season — doing a 24 feature film, but that project was put on hold because the script was not ready, and has been pushed until after Sutherland completes shooting the seventh season in the summer of 2008.

05 February 2007

24: Quotes from Tonight's Episode

"Thousands of lives are at stake!" That's in the 24 Drinking Game, right?

"Get the interrogation package!" Followed by a shot of Burke getting said package - the Silver Briefcase of Medical Torture.

"All you guys ever do is fight!" 24 shouldn't do family melodrama. That kid is disturbing to look at, and looks a lot like Kim Bauer.

Only 24 can have me screaming at the TV bitter in the beginning and then drinking the Kool-Aid again by the end. I was so pissed when Morris's brother was allegedly exposed to radiation. I mean, does a family member of CTU have to be involved in every season? But there was a point to this after all! Pretty cool when it was revealed that Morris was the engineer Fayed is trying to get. (Mike was thinking it was going to be Phillip, so we were shocked.)

Sandra Palmer's role has been just meaningless. Yeah, I get it - detaining people is bad. Moving on.

I thought the torture scene was waaaaay over the top. But then I got the point - Jack's unhinged. And only his Jedi Mind Trick Father can calm him down. His eeeevil, Jedi Mind Trick Father. RIP Graem? You won't be missed by me.

Next week: a 2-hour episode. I wonder if it's there to just fill out the schedule or if it will be a big event episode. If it keeps me hooked, I'll stay for the second part and watch Heroes on DVR. We shall see.

Heroes: Jesus, It's Good

George Takei was awesome as Hiro's father! When he's speaking Japanese he doesn't have that same corny, queeny delivery he does when he speaks English.

I love Sylar. He is kickass and psychotic. I love how he just barely moves a finger and stuff goes to hell. Even the dog seemed afraid of him in their scene together. That dog is a good actor.

I also love Claude. Can there BE any more characters to love? He is trying to turn Peter into a badass, but unfortunately Peter is a massive pussy who loves his family. Waah. Claude pushes Peter off a building and he doesn't fly - he falls onto a taxi and ends up with a stake through his heart. But apparently he has retained some of Claire's powers and FREAKING REGENERATES!!!!! That was a kickass moment!!!!

OF COURSE Nathan is Claire's father! How does this show just keep getting better and better? Also, that makes Peter her uncle, so I guess the chemistry between them will never come to romantic fruition. Darn.

You know what this episode was missing? Mohinder and Matt. Which means it really wasn't missing anything at all. Perfect I say!

Prison Break: Back on Track

Pretty fun to make out in a train bathroom! Eeww. I guess she was sitting on the sink. But during the whole scene I was envisioning it taking place while she was sitting on the toilet. And it was cracking me up. And Sara said the first thing they tell you when you start working at a prison is never to fall in love with an inmate. Really? No, "You will be working such and such hours" or "Here's the break room"? Just "Never fall in love with an inmate"? Do they tell the male employees that too?

Loved Sara trying to kill Paul though. That Magnificent Bastard looks good in jeans and stubble, but he's a ruthless killer who left her for dead.

T-Bag is a super hero. I could put up with the fact that he has killed countless people with his one hand. And it's OK that he's holding an entire family hostage. But now he's making chicken and baking a cake???? That's ri-goddamn-diculous!!!

RIP Haywire. The scene where Mahone talked him into suicide was awesome. "Special Agent" Bellick is also awesome. "The President" turned out to be an imposter (not recordings, Houman, but close). Now Kellerman is BITTER.

Guess Who?


Can you guess who this whore with the fabulous sense of style used to be?

eeeeeeeeewwwwwwww


Check out that fug bitch behind Drew Barrymore. It takes a lot to make Drew look clean. Congratulations, Cameron Diaz.

04 February 2007

Keep Hatin' on Peyton!!

Standing O

We had to give Prince a standing ovation. He's freaking amazing. You don't need 6 different performers on the Halftime Show when you have one guitar god. And he kicked ass in pouring rain!!!! Love that little guy.

Now, where are the awesome movie commercials? No 300? No Transformers? There have been FAR too many ads starring Carlos Mencia for my taste.

There's a Reason I Don't Bet on Sports

I'm just as good at predicting football as I am at playing it. This is Botch Bowl 2007 - this weather we're having is butt-trifling. Peytie Peyt has things under control now. Too bad Vinatieri plays better in New England.

I hate Phil Simms because of his pronunciation of the words "Saturday" ("Saturdee"), "to" ("tuh"), and most especially "him" ("eem"). In his honor, here's a picture of his douchebag son, Chris. They were begging for people to come get his autograph. To be fair, this was toward the end of his session. But I'm rarely fair.

What Year is This?

Billy Joel? Really? When did he go bald? He was a little pitchy, dawg.

Super Bowl Feast

Today's menu:

Chili, Spicy Shrimp Cakes with Avocado and Corn Salsa, Key Lime Squares, and Baked Cheetos. Delicious!

Today is the Superbowlest of Days

OK, drum roll please. My Super Bowl prediction.........

I'm the Waffle King! I can't decide. I am rooting for my boy Peyton. However, I see him choking again. The weather is a little trifling, so I think the Bears can capitalize on some turnovers. However, I also expect Rex Grossman to throw some pickles. So here I go:

Colts 13, Bears 7

Marvin Harrison will score 1 touchdown. Rex Grossman will throw 2 pickles. The Colts will fumble the ball once, and be intercepted once. Peyton will not be sacked.

My middle finger hurts today from "catching" a football yesterday. Now I know why Brett Favre was addicted to Vicodin. (There's my Favre shoutout.)

Hey, have you heard? There are two black coaches in this year's Super Bowl! That's crazy, I had no idea.

ENJOY THE GAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

03 February 2007

An NFL Dream Come True

Houman has been visiting since Thursday. We've been doing nothing but going to silly restaurants. But today we went to the NFL Experience. It was money!


I got to live all of my NFL dreams - I got to kick a field goal, kick an extra point, catch a punt, and catch a pass. Except at the beginning of everything on that list, put "tried to". I quickly found out I am not NFL material. But I had a great time sucking!! Houman could at least kick the FG.

We lucked out because this afternoon Todd Heap, my favorite white Raven who isn't Matt Stover, was there. We played a video game with him (he had to show me how to do it), and then he signed my hat. He was so friendly and well-dressed. No surprise there, he's Mormon.





I also got my picture taken with my favorite Filipino Ravens player.

To finish the day, we went to the Hard Rock Casino, where we saw Dennis Rodman walking around. Unfortunately, I did not live my NFL dream of seeing Referee Mike Carey or that big dude Jamie whom I love from the NFL Network. Dag.

02 February 2007

Got 7 Minutes to Kill?

Then enjoy this montage of David Caruso one-liners from CSI: Miami. I wouldn't be able to sit through this show. I know that you could make a similar video of Jack Bauer Dammits and Michael Scofield Blue Steels. But this is ridiculous. Just about every one goes like this: Say the person's name. Begin the sentence. Pause. Put on sunglasses. Finish the sentence. Exit camera left.

01 February 2007

Tweener Dagger


Looks like someone's joining Brandy in court...

Prison Break actor Lane Garrison had cocaine and more than twice the legal blood alcohol level in his system after a fatal car crash last month and should be charged with felony vehicular manslaughter, police said Wednesday.

Garrison, 26, was involved in an accident that killed a 17-year-old male passenger. Two 15-year-old girls, who were also in the car, were both injured – one critically.

At a press conference Wednesday, Beverly Hills police said Garrison's blood alcohol level was .20 percent – more than two times California's .08 percent limit. He also had an undisclosed amount of cocaine in his system, according to a blood test.

Braun has said Garrison met the teens that night at a grocery store, where they invited him to attend a party. At the time of the accident, he said, the group was leaving the gathering and Garrison was driving them back to the store.

31 January 2007

Child Predators are Pathetic

Last night's Dateline was really good. There was the usual band of horrid perverts, but there were two new things that really added that extra something:
1. A dude got tasered. I love a good tasering. He came out of the house and the cops told him to get down and he just stood there. Like for 5 seconds, just stood staring at them. So they tased him. Idiot.

2. A dude from a prior show returned. A guy with a horrid scar running down the side of his head showed up - and he had gone to another of the set-up houses 9 months prior. In fact, he was in court for that case the day before he showed up to this house. He clearly has some kind of mental problems though. (Beyond the ones they all have.)

The show didn't disappoint. Chris Hansen still read the transcripts to the guys (one highlight: "I want to shove it up your blank.") and showed them the pictures of their penises that they had sent to the kids. Plus probably my favorite IM nickname of all time: iwanttorapeyouanally. Good times.

30 January 2007

Happy Birthday II


Maybe this is more your cup of tea. I know it's mine. Forget Ron Weasley.... I haven't seen his firecrotch.

A Special Day in History


Happy Birthday, Houman! Maybe you'll get around to posting on this blog again before you turn 33. Celebrate with a cigar... or a tampon. See you soon!

29 January 2007

Adrenaline TV

Prison Break. The funniest part of this episode was definitely Brad trying to pull a Michael Scofield on Nurse Katie. But she's not as dumb as Sara. And Brad isn't as good looking as Michael.

The video the boys made was good - it just laid it all out and called out EVERYBODY. Kim went ape S. I don't know how Sara is smart enough to figure out secret messages. Oh, wait, I know - it's Prison Break.

The question: What side is Kellerman on really?

Heroes. Great episode. LOVE the Invisible Man. LOVE Micah's ability - to get all the cash he wants from ATM machines. Smart kid. AWESOME that Claire found her mother, and that she can light cigarettes with her fingers! AWESOME that Sylar is confronting Bennet - but Bennet better not die! His scenes with Claire are always my favorite. Maybe Claire's adoptive mom kicks the bucket next week at the hands of Sylar - someone is supposed to die soon. And who is Claire's real dad????

24. Karen and Bill are both bad-ass in an argument. I can't imagine what their fights are like. How sad that Karen was forced to resign, but now she can be reunited with her hubby. Jayne Atkinson acted the S out of that scene though. Note: Karen leaves DC no earlier than 12:00; let's see how long it takes to get to L.A. on a "military transport."

I can't even watch Bauer Family scenes because the dad is 3 feet taller than the sons. They can't even be in the same shot together. Mrs. Bauer must be a midget. Next week: Jack breaks out, captures his brother, yells something menacing in his face about pain, and tortures him. Wait -- didn't that just happen?

Oh, and Sandra Palmer. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

I Heart Harry Potter


I officially love Harry Potter now. Here's a quick clip of Daniel Radcliffe playing himself on Extras. He was hitting on all the women and trying to act all mature and tough. He was HYSTERICAL!

Harry Potter "Hotness"


Wow, is the next Harry Potter movie a porno???

Orlando Trip: Disney Edition

I love Epcot Center so much it makes me hate myself. I hate Disney. Don’t know why, I just do. But dammit they know how to make an amusement park. Epcot is my favorite because it has two parts – Future World and the World Showcase – plus it’s more adult-friendly than the other Disney parks. So adult-friendly, in fact, that one of the rides has killed people. Mission Space. Here are before and after photos of Mike.








He HATED this ride. It made him sick. I LOVED it. Sure, you can’t breathe or swallow for about 3 seconds because of the G-forces. But you survive, so it’s all good. I’d do it again; Mike would do the “less intense” version.

I love all of the “countries” at Epcot, except for “America”. I don’t see the point, except I guess it’s for people who have never been to DC or Philadelphia to see the real things. For me it’s a quick walk-by. We had lunch in Germany and dinner in Mexico. I love all of the shops, and almost everything is authentic. But I have a beef with Mexico. Tostitos? Really? That just sticks out like a sore thumb.









Here’s a picture of us in Morocco. I wore my African AIDS shirt – in poor taste, or making a statement? (Morocco’s basically the Middle East anyway.)









I know I say everything is my favorite, but my Favorite Thing at Epcot is the place where you can try different sodas from around the world. Most of them are nasty, but of course I try them every time. The Italian ginger soda is money.
So I am in love with Orlando. Not so in love with the traffic coming home, but still a great trip.

Orlando Trip: Fanboys Edition

So, yes, I had a glorious time in my fanboy element at the FX Show. Besides the Heroes panel, we also went to see Lance Henriksen. That was interesting because there were only 10-15 people in the room, so it was an intimate little discussion. (So intimate that I thought it would be rude to take a flash picture right in his face, thus the blurry-finger photo.) He had some great stories about working in TV and with James Cameron, who he has known since he was living in his car. Mike asked him a question about Aliens. Good thing I had recently seen the Aliens movies in a marathon several weeks back.
I graciously decided it would also be rude to take pictures of the fanboys right in their faces, so here are some general photos of the room. You can see some little dude in one of them - he's from Star Wars or Willow or one of those millions of 80's films that employed midgets. The crowd was what I expected. And I loved them all.

People were selling old Transformers toys and Star Wars glasses (Mike got those) and comics and photos, etc. etc. There was a Creators Alley that had a ton of comic book artists. But the award for Most Bizarre goes to a company that will make you up to look like you have been murdered or like you have died in some gruesome fashion, then take a large black and white crime scene photo of you. It was freaky, and yet pretty damn cool. But I wondered what kind of disturbing people would hang that in their living room. I know they're out there.

I wore my "Petrelli for Congress" shirt, and got lots of adoring looks and 6 comments. I'm an attention whore. (Then last night, before we got home, we stopped at the grocery store and the deli guy asked "Is that somebody running here in Florida?" That was a sure sign I was back in the real world. For the record - it's a character on Heroes.)

Orlando Trip: Heroes Edition




OK, I'll get the fangirl stuff out of the way first. The FX Show was a lot of fun. There was a Heroes panel on Sunday - how perfect, since that was the only day we were there. Zachary and Hayden were adorable. A-freaking-dorable. They were both really funny and talkative. It's weird to think that Hayden is only 17, she seems so mature. (I'm just hoping she doesn't go the Lindsay Lohan route.) Most importantly, Zachary has my Nalgene bottle. Awesome.

And for those of you that need Urban Dictionary to keep up with me, Heroes is a television program. An awesome one.

26 January 2007

Orlando II: Revenge of the Nerds

We are headed to Orlando this afternoon for an impromptu weekend away. We're planning to hit Epcot Center tomorrow - I'm a sucker for the World Showcase. Why go to Morocco and contract malaria when you can have your picture taken in a place that looks like Morocco? Next best thing I say!

In a case of sheer coincidence, I assure you, the FX Show is being put on in Orlando this weekend. It's Florida's version of Comic-Con. You nerds know what that is. And we are totally going on Sunday! Sure, my current favorite TV actress, Hayden Panettiere, will be there, along with my favorite ambiguously ethnic actor, Zachary Quinto. But what I'm really interested in are the fanboys. I heart fanboys in a big way. I'll go to a gaming or comic book store just to chat with them. So I am butt-siced to hang around them all day. I'm hoping to get all kinds of pictures of just the randoms there. You don't think I'm going to wear my Petrelli for Congress shirt? I'm getting back to my Star Trek Convention roots - and I can't wait!

25 January 2007

Man on Man Action



How can I not love a show that brings me entertainment like this on a weekly basis. What's wrong with hot brothers loving each other in a special way? Nothing, I say.

Next: K Fed Himself?

Music producer Disco D (real name David Shayman) committed suicide on Tuesday. D was found dead inside his New York home. He was 27. D mixed beats for 50 Cent, Trick Daddy and Nia Sky, as well as commercials for Spite and Best Buy, but may be most famous as the producer for the Kevin Federline single "Popozao".

Nice to know there's someone in the music business who can actually feel shame. Po po popozao!

Washington Pulls the Rehab Card

Disgraced Grey's Anatomy star Isaiah Washington was checked into a residential treatment facility in a bid to keep his job on the medical drama. Accepting he needs help, Washington checked into the unnamed facility for a "psychological assessment".

I wasn't aware they had a 12-step program for being a douchebag. I'd kill to read that assessment. "Mr. Washington presented with symptoms of being an intolerant asshole. Upon further testing we discovered that he is indeed an idiot, and have advised him to keep his dumb mouth shut." I really really hate this guy.

24 January 2007

Celebrities Kill People Too

R&B singer Brandy was involved in a four-car accident on a Los Angeles freeway in December that left another female driver dead.

The 28-year-old Moesha star, whose full name is Brandy Norwood, was traveling on the morning of Dec. 30 when her 2007 Land Rover (traveling about 65 mph) struck the rear of a 2005 Toyota, according to a California Highway Patrol statement.

The Toyota's female driver, Awatef Aboudihaj, 38, then hit a third car, causing Aboudihaj to strike a center divider. Aboudihaj sustained major injuries after she was subsequently hit by a fourth driver. CHP spokesman Leland Tang said Aboudihaj died the following evening, Dec. 31, at Providence Holy Cross Medical Center.

Wow - celebrities really are just like us. So that's Brandy, Matthew Broderick, and Rebecca Gayheart. And oh my God how can I forget Tweener himself, Lane Garrison? Anyone else I'm missing on my Vehicular Manslaughter list?

23 January 2007

My Early American Idol Picks

I am ready to go on record with my American Idol picks. But of course, at this stage I don't know any names. If you watched the show you know who I mean when I say that I am backing:

The Indian Brother and Sister
The Fat Dude with the Bad Beard
Homeless Jesus (who is also my pick for mind-blowing makeover reminiscent of Clay Aiken)
The Chick with the Huge Face.

They were all really good. Good luck guys!!!

One Degree of Stephen Colbert

One of my professors was on The Colbert Report last night! Tom Schaller wrote some book about Democrats not needing the South. And he was a good guest. Woo hoo! Shout out to UMBC's Interest Groups and Lobbyists class.

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Oscar Nominations

I don't know, this just wasn't the Most Exciting Awards Season Ever for me. But here are my thoughts on some of the nominations. First of all, THANK THE GODS ABOVE that Beyonce did not get nominated. I'm sick of seeing her arm pits on the red carpet. She'll probably still go, she was probably nominated for a song, but at least she has no shot at Best Actress.

Best Picture (Babel, The Departed, Letters from Iwo Jima, Little Miss Sunshine, The Queen) - I'm glad Little Miss Sunshine got in there. I've only seen that and The Departed. Based on that level of expertise, The Departed should win.

Best Supporting Actor - Mark Wahlberg was nominated. Wait, he's the only acting nomination from The Departed. That's odd - there were so many good performances. But I'll take his - I heard a Marky Mark and the Funky Bunch song on the way in to work this morning ("Wildside") and it made me reflect on how far he has come.

Best Supporting Actress - Abigail Breslin for Little Miss Sunshine. Yay! She is SO the new Dakota Fanning.

22 January 2007

24: Dessert, Anyone?

Now on to the DVR for a commercial-free 24. Which is the only way the show should be viewed.

RIP 12,000 Los Angelenos and all of the CTU field teams.

WHAT??!! The Bluetooth Baddie is Jack's brother??!! Lamest. Plot twist. Ever. We're supposed to believe that bald, slug-looking guy, who was working with the terrorists last season, is Jack's brother? This makes zippy sense. (Heroes crossover alert: Graham's wife, and one-time girlfriend of Jack's, is Nathan Petrelli's wife.) Mike was like, What if Graham's kid, who clearly suffers from gigantism, turns out to be Jack's kid? I'll tell you what - then I quit.

I'm going to give a big YAWN to the Presidential Plotline. It's hella boring, Wayne is the worst president ever. At least he didn't mention his brother this episode. I was about to add that to the 24 Drinking Game. Also included in this YAWN is his sister's plotline. In all of her scenes, they essentially repeated the same dialogue. You have nothing to add, stop talking in circles.

I got excited when Jack went for the lamp electrical cord. I was hoping for some Paul Raines-style lamp torture. No such luck. We get plastic bag torture. It's lamer.

Oh, and I hope Assad isn't disappearing from the plot. He and CTU are the only things currently holding my interest. And he now has the Bill Buchanan Seal of Approval, since he finally got that handshake.

Heroes is the Filling Entree

Now on to NBC.... First off, my Peter isn't dead, just in a feverish, floppy-haired coma. And most of his time in this episode is spent dreaming and re-dreaming about exploding New York. Til he wakes up and we get to meet our new hero, Mr. Invisible.

Hiro finds his sword in the museum, and steals it , but it turns out to be a replica, with the original owned by that damned Linderman. Then Hiro and Nathan are reunited, and hilarity ensues. Oh how I missed this show and these characters.

I'll go on record saying something HAS to be up with Simone. She can't be on this show just to be part of a love triangle. This bitch has to be bad.

Prison Break Starts Monday Off Right

It's Monday, and that means 3 times the fun! Too much action for one night. Let's get started with Prison Break.

Mahone's alive, which is good because he's awesome, but bad because he told Kim everyone was on the run together. Kim can't keep soldiers - they either turn on him or kill the ones that don't. Speaking of Bill Kim, here's his picture - or is that my husband?

I really should track "Lincoln's Dumbass Bonehead Move" every episode. Tonight, it was punching Kellerman - while Kellerman was driving the car they were in. That Lincoln Burrows, he's strong as an ox, but has an IQ of 72. But they survive, and fly to Montana to spring Steadman. I know Steadman has been trapped in a Montana mansion for 3 years, but does he always have to be in his PJ's and a robe? We haven't seen him in real clothes before tonight, when he was forced to put on a jacket.

Steadman revealed that Kellerman had once proposed to Caroline. Ha ha, we knew he had some long-term connection with the President, but that's pretty funny. If I were her, I would have accepted. That Kellerman has the greatest sense of humor. For a psycho killer and pathological liar.

The show ends with Steadman killing himself and the cops right outside the motel room. So what the hell do they do now? (That's the question we end up asking at the end of every episode, isn't it?)

21 January 2007

Sad News

After several minutes of consideration this morning, I have decided to get a divorce. As soon as I am legally able, I will be getting married to the Starbucks Cinnamon Chip Multi-Grain Coffee Cake. Mike and I will remain friends. In fact, it was Mike who suggested the split. When he tired of hearing me say how much I love this delicacy, it was he who asked, "Then why don't you marry it?"

We appreciate everyone's concern during this transition in our lives. Thanks for listening.

P.S.: The title of this post is to be read Tony Danza style.

19 January 2007

The Office

I had a dream last night that I was on The Office, so I'm taking that as a sign that I should have blogged about it. I was just a random character, but I had one funny line and at the end Ryan was interested in me. Which... eeewww. Ryan is a total prick now. Jim: "I liked you better when you were the temp."

Anyway, it's amazing how seriously depressing this show can be when Michael Scott isn't his usual horrid self. Dwight really does complete him. Andy is just like Michael, yet somehow really grating and annoying, not endearing and embarrassing. Michael was barely tolerating Andy - I just wanted him to punch him in the face! Dwight at Staples was pretty pathetic. I was so happy when Michael and Dwight were reunited. Oh yeah, and Andy punched a hole in the wall because his constantly-ringing cell phone was hidden in the ceiling, courtesy of Jim and Pam. Pretty brilliant prank.

18 January 2007

Betty Cracker

This week I made 2 new recipes and they were awesome - and easy.

Fish Tacos with Lime-Cilantro Crema
Balsamic-Cherry Glazed Pork Chops

If you want the recipes, drop me a line.

Why Maryland is Good

Some filming for the Batman Begins sequel will take place in Baltimore. I am preparing to move back as we speak....

UPDATE: Never mind. Maryland sucks again. Thanks to Bobby Z for the incorrect info (and to JP for the correction)

It was recently revealed that The Dark Knight would be filming on location in London, Hong Kong, Los Angeles and Baltimore. The last location struck some fans as being an odd spot for the project to shoot. But it seems the real location is an even more curious choice.

According to Batman-on-Film.com, the Baltimore in question is not the one in Maryland but rather the small maritime town of Baltimore in County Cork, Ireland.

17 January 2007

American Idol is Blessed by the Gods

Every year it's the same thing when American Idol time rolls around: Am I really going to watch this again? Can it really be good again?

Yes and yes. The show is in audition mode, which means it's time for some serious laughs. It has greater comic timing than most sitcoms. Tonight's show was in Seattle. This was the most unbelievable collection of freaks, the mentally challenged, potential serial killers, and just generally ugly people I've ever seen. I need to move to Seattle.

And the show is a ratings juggernaut. It gets like 3 times the ratings of other good shows. All hail American Idol!

Why Florida is Good

It's 78 degrees and sunny here today. How are y'all doing?

16 January 2007

Fug or Fabulous II



I don't know what's more offensive on Vanessa Williams - her hair or the fur.

Let's Play "Fug or Fabulous"


Guess which is which.

Razzle Dazzle: Golden Globes Gossip

I'll watch the Golden Globes (mostly in fast forward) tonight. But I read this on EW.com and can't get enough of Isaiah Washington being a jackass.

[Backstage after Grey's Anatomy somehow won Best Drama,] the first question was about the infamous Patrick Dempsey/Isaiah Washington fight, which involved Washington reportedly using an anti-gay epithet about fellow cast member T.R. Knight; those reports subsequently prompted Knight to come out publicly. Knight tried to lighten the mood by cracking in a goofy voice, ''What fight?!'' But before Rhimes could get a word in, Washington raced to the mic and dropped this rhetorical bomb: ''No, I did not call T.R. a faggot. Never happened.''

Awwwwwkwaaaaard.

15 January 2007

24: The Mother of All Explosions

For the record, Mike called nuclear explosion before the show started. He even called that it would happen so Jack could see it happen.

RIP Curtis, but it doesn't have a full emotional impact on me, and I'll tell you why. Last year, the writers had planned to have that situation happen with Tony. Tony was going to be holding Henderson at gunpoint, and then Jack was going to have to kill Tony to protect Henderson. So once I saw similar pieces coming together here, I knew what was happening. Recycled plot lines make me bitter.

What kind of world is this where Chloe is not only the voice of reason, she's the office whore?! Milo should have higher standards.

Note to Wayne Palmer: Just because you decided to take a page out of The Kiefer Sutherland Book of Acting and whisper all of your lines doesn't make you more of a badass. You're trying too hard and you're just not presidential.

Now that I know that Nadia is the girl from Vegas Vacation I can't take her seriously. My beef with her is that she looks perpetually worried. You work for CTU, bitch, learn to deal with pressure.

And RIP Kumar. That was quick.

14 January 2007

24: Call Him Jesus Bauer

They are really laying the religious symbolism on thick at 24. Jack's got the long hair, he's been whipped, he has to sacrifice himself to be the savior of the United States. Jack returns from China a broken man - he can barely even walk and talk. Yet somehow he's kicking ass and yelling within the first 80 minutes. 10 bucks says that huge burn scar on his hand disappears by Hour 13. 'Cuz Jesus Bauer can regenerate. He was hit in the head, it was bloody, and then once he washes his face the wound disappears.

So was that the Greatest Jack Bauer Kill ever? The Lost Boys-style biting out of the jugular? Yes, it definitively was!!! I was standing up and yelling for that. But then Assad counters with the Greatest Torture ever - the knife inserted into the knee. That's how you get information, Jack!

Of course, I stood up and clapped when it was revealed Karen and Bill were married. I'm so happy for them!! But married couples don't have a good survival rate on 24. Karen + Bill 4ever! Also, I noticed that Wayne is now married.

I can't take Kumar seriously as a bad guy every time he speaks. I mean, it's Kumar. He's harmless. He just wants to get high and eat White Castle.

I think the real question isn't "Is America ready for a black President?"; it's "Is America ready for a President with a goatee?" Really, President W. Palmer has the most presidential facial hair since Lincoln.

Three quick day player notes: That had to be the adorable retarded killer from Oz serving the warrant at the Islamic American Alliance. And Stephen Merchant (Ricky Gervais' partner) was a menial CTU employee. And in the preview, the guy who played Kumar's brother is one of the enemy combatants. Hopefully we can get the guy who played his father: "Daddy is not coming on anything!"

I can't even guess what the big ending will be tomorrow, and I don't want to know. Let's just be thankful we don't have to wait a week.

P.S.: GO PATS GO!!!!!!!!!!!

Holiest of Holy Days


Urinated? Check.
Lights off? Check.
Sound system on full blast? Check.
See you after the show...

13 January 2007

It Was Fun While It Lasted

15-6. I can't believe this. I'm stunned. I would have rather lost the game 39-36 than this. I thought this was going to be a scorefest. No bloody touchdowns??!!! During the game I was running around the room, falling to the ground, crawling on the floor. I consider this my warm-up for watching 24, since I do the same things then.

At least I don't have to spend $4000 on Super Bowl tickets now. What a relief.

I'm going to console myself with a Dark Snickers. Go Saints!

Can't Wait for American Idol


It's coming back too! And this woman is the reason the show is so great.

Here's what her publicist had to say about this TV appearance: "This is the only one that went bad due to technical difficulties."

Yeah, she's technically high. And crazy. I haven't heard this much slurring since I listened to myself on Labor Day. Watch it, and let me know if you can refrain from yelling "Sit still!" at the computer screen.

Too... Much... Going... On...

...Can't focus.

This weekend: playoffs. And one important game in particular, today at 4:00. I am so bitter that I'm not in Baltimore. Friday was "Purple Friday" and all the lights in the city are purple. The defensive coordinator is giving fans instructions on when to be loud. I am fired up!!!

Sunday night: premiere of 24 that I am butt-excited for. It's being hyped as the greatest ever, and I tend to believe the hype when it comes to this show. Monday night: continue having a heart attack with 2 more hours of 24. Plus DVR the Golden Globes because God forbid I miss anything important and Heroes-related.

12 January 2007

Out of the Loop 2: Electric Boogaloo

I'm trying to determine the reasoning behind this. Just trying to get more money out of me? Trying to get me hooked even deeper so that I watch 24 live instead of Heroes?

Fox is releasing a DVD of the first four episodes of season six on January 16th. The episodes air on the prior Sunday and Monday, then the DVD comes out Tuesday.

The DVD contains:

6:00 - 7:00AM
7:00 - 8:00AM
8:00 - 9:00AM
9:00 - 10:00AM

There's also a 12 minute preview of the fifth episode, 10:00 - 11:00AM, which won't be broadcast until the week after the DVD is in the stores.

The DVD will cost just $14.98 in the US.

Out of the Loop

Because I was in Orlando for 3 days, and now I've been so busy at work, I've been so out of the pop culture loop. My new mission is to find pictures related to this awesome story. Buck Rogers was a fattie?

'Buck Rogers' Star Gil Gerard Undergoes Gastric-Bypass Surgery

TV's Buck Rogers, Gil Gerard, has shed 140 pounds after undergoing gastric-bypass surgery. The heavyweight former TV hunk weighed in at a whopping 350 pounds when doctors told him he was morbidly obese - and they suggested surgery to help him lose weight fast. The 66-year-old actor, who played Rogers on TV from 1979 to 1981, agreed to let Discovery Health channel cameras follow his operations and subsequent progress. After winning his battle with the bulge in just seven months, the actor says, "I don't miss that guy, I really don't."

10 January 2007

She's Country, Y'all



Just had to share these latest pics from Perez Hilton. Ugh. What happened to my new and improved classy Britney? There is no hope. Now I'm rooting for Kevin to get the kids!

Greetings From Italy

At least it feels that way. I'm staying at Universal's Portofino Bay Resort, where everyone that works here has to say "Ciao" and however you spell "Buon Giorno". It's a really gorgeous resort. Last night we took a boat over to dinner at Emeril's. And the food was excellent, of course. But the best part was we had a stuttering Asian waiter. I love stutterers and I love Asians, so I'm in love with Vin!

The conference has been going well. We finish up today.

Ciao!

08 January 2007

Adios, Amigos!

I'm off to Orlando to have a wicked good time at a marketing conference. I'll be back Wednesday night!

07 January 2007

Romo the ****



Woah Nelly! Is it wrong of me to think that last night's game was the greatest ever? Both teams were pretty weak, but the ending is just fabulous. Romo's job is to hold the ball for the field goal kicker so he can kick the goal and win the game. And he can't hold the ball!!! So he decides to make a run for the end zone. And gets tackled at like the 1-yard line. And cries like a baby. He blew the entire game. It was no one else's fault. I live for this stuff!!!

I'm officially putting Romo on Suicide Watch. Keep banging American Idol winners instead of practicing taking snaps!!

06 January 2007

Next Weekend Will Bring the Greatest Football Matchup of All Time

Colts v. Ravens. Lordy lord that will be good. No matter the outcome, I know I'll enjoy the game. But the Colts are SOOOOO beatable!!! Even today they didn't look all that money. Ravens can do it - especially at home.

Go Seahawks!

ARE YOU READY FOR SOME FOOTBALL?!

A great day has arrived. The beginning of playoffs. A time when you don't have to choose which game to watch because there's only one on at a time. I'm psyched!

You've heard of dinner and a movie, but have you heard of breakfast and a movie? Since I worked til 8:30 last night, we didn't get to the movies. So we decided to see a movie at the unheard-of-before hour of 10:30 AM. With breakfast at the Waffle House first. I've always seen Waffle Houses, but have never gone before. It was good! Children of Men is an unbelievably awesome movie. It's one of those grim-vision-of-the-future movies, but I loved the camerawork and it all seemed so real. Check it out.

05 January 2007

I Am Unfamiliar With This Thing You Call "Work"

After 7:30 PM and still at work. WTF??? I’m getting ready for a marketing meeting in Orlando. I leave Monday morning and still there are things to be prepared.

All I can say is THANK GOD FOR LEXAPRO!!! My boss was – literally – crying about this stuff today. Meanwhile, I’m like, la la la, whatever. Lexapro is the new alcohol. It’s fabulous!

It's Fridee!!!

Friday is Hawaiian shirt day. So, you know, if you want to, go ahead and wear a Hawaiian shirt and jeans.

Office Space

04 January 2007

Quotes of the Night

That was probably the funniest episode of My Name is Earl yet.

Earl, after Joy's bleep-laden diatribe of sexual things she was going to do to him: "You had me at 'balls'."

Randy's renditions of the Cops theme song: "Bad boys, bad boys, who you gonna be?" "...Who you gonna call?"

The Office was another cringefest.

Michael to Toby: "You skeevy little perv."

Dwight's awkward attempt to console a crying Pam: "You're PMS-ing pretty bad, huh?"

And on 30 Rock:
Alec Baldwin (because that's who he is to me, not a character): "My mother tried to send me to Vietnam to make a man out of me. I was 12."

03 January 2007

Sorry, O.C. Faithful

The sun will set for the last time on The O.C. when the series ends its four-season run Thursday, Feb. 22 on FOX. The countdown has begun, with all-original episodes airing from Thursday, Jan. 4 through the last episode on Feb. 22.

DAGGER!!

Call me the Queen of the Daggers.

Just when things are going well. Just when I feel settled in Florida. Just when I actually enjoy my job. My boss quits. She's leaving either next Friday or the end of the month. This office is closing in July. I'm screwed!

So, please, find me a job!!

P.S. I should probably mention that I don't like to do any actual work, but I like to get paid for it.

P.P.S. On the upside, I'm available for all visitors. :-)

*slides back into depression*

02 January 2007

The Hottest Tip of 2007

Do yourself and your family a favor and check out Google Reader. My dear friend Kara turned me on to this site and it's the greatest. You put in the blogs or websites you want them to keep track of, and then you can just go to Google Reader to see which ones have been updated, and you can view them from there too. What a fabulous way for me to keep track of all of my gossip blogs! Look, I know you're willing to check my blog 10 times a day for updates - but isn't this a quicker way to track me? This way you'll know almost immediately when I get a craving for something, or get a crush on someone new, or have posted yet another worthless news item. Hooray technology!

01 January 2007

Cute Boy Face Off: 2007


Vote now for the cutest kid. Check out the shoes on that Fitz - we got them for him. He's so punk!

Who am I kidding? Everyone wins with these kids!

Happy New Year!

Happy 2007 to everyone! Try to guess what I did for New Year's Eve. I'll give you a hint. We either partied hard in Miami with Lindsay Lohan OR fell asleep watching football at 10:00. Try to figure that one out. But I still slept til 9:30. I'm such a load!

Here's to a happy and healthy 2007! *Raises glass of water as a toast*