Project Runway All Stars

Challenge: Design a look inspired by a flavor of gelato.  Wow, random challenge is random.  I want the chocolate and cayenne pepper gelato badly.  Also -- the designers have 6 hours to do their outfit.  AHAHAHAHA!  They even get a Mini-Mood set up in their building since there's no time to shop. There's some gluing involved, even by Austin.  The horror!

It's funny to see Austin working in jeans and a wife beater, isn't it?  No matador costume?  This could be his boldest outfit choice yet!

I loved Mondo's drapey dress, which looked simple but also very outside of what he usually does.  Man, I love Kenley's adorable little dresses.  They never get old.  April sends out a short-ass purple dress.  Kara's model looked like a pregnant cupcake (thank you, Jerell). Jerell finally makes something amazing - loved his and Austin's.  Michael made a bathrobe from an old Golden Girls episode, but the judges are cool with that.

Winner: Michael and his bathrobe. 

Bye-bye: April.  Oh how sad, but seriously, that thing was a mess.  I always forget how young she is though - 22!  Insane!

Haywire

I watched Haywire.  Did I mention that I watched Haywire?  My bad.  It's because I liked The Grey so much better so I became a bit obsessed with how awesome that was.

Haywire was cool though.  It stars Gina Carano, a female MMA star I had never heard of before seeing her on this panel at Comic-Con last year.  I didn't even realize there was female MMA.  Insane.  Anyway, because she is a real fighter, her fight scenes were amazing.  It's not skinny-ass Angelina Jolie bringing down dudes here; it's someone you actually believe.

But, it being a Steven Soderbergh film, it can't be all fight scenes.  The movie must be filled with a million famous actors, feature cool camera angles, and most importantly have a lot of really crappy music playing during running sequences.  A lot.  For whatever reason (because I'm dumb) I would have preferred this movie just dumbed-down and all kickass.  It's still good though!  And I have a mad girl crush on Gina Carano - that bitch is sexy onscreen.  I hope she does more action movies for sure.

Fringe

Freak of the Week:  Girl draws people's deaths before they happen.

Walter and Pacey are working on a way to get Pacey home. And Walter can't feel his urine response yet - because he's electrocuted himself 3 times.

Olivia's spooked investigating this girl who predicts death, what with The Observer predicting hers.  She's also still getting headaches, what with Nina doing weird procedures on her without her knowledge.

The girl draws some kind of mass casualty situation, and Walter hypnotizes her to get more detail on the event.  It's a detonated explosion at a courthouse, so the team shows up to prevent it.  Then the girl predicts her own death and dies.

Not too much forward progress on the plot, but still interesting stuff.  Next week is Doppelgänger Party Time, which is always fun.

This Week's Code: MARCH.  Of the Penguins?  Actually, it's probably the name of The Observer who's spying on Olivia at the end.  They're all named after months, right?

The Grey

Holy crap go see this movie.  OK, so just as you've seen on the commercials, The Grey is literally "Liam Neeson Fights Wolves" -- and it's every bit as awesome as that description would lead you to believe.  Seriously.

A plane crashes in the middle of East Jesus Nowhere In The Dead Of Winter and is stalked by wolves.  Basically my worst nightmare. So you've got to survive the crash, the elements, and the damn huge crazy-ass wolves.

This movie terrified me.  It was so tense I was laughing out loud at times.  I just couldn't take it!  It will also make you freeze your ass off.  I'm pretty sure I have frostbite, and I live in South Florida.  It's the closest I need to get to real Winter weather this year, thank you very much.  It looks awful and I would have killed myself 5 minutes in, guaranteed.

Liam Neeson kicks a lot of ass, both human and wolf.  I also call him as the Coolest Costume of Halloween 2012.  All you need is a beard, some bruises, lots of winter clothing, and some glass duct-taped to your knuckles.  Hell. Yes.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes

EEEEEEE I forgot this was starting!  Excellent.

The couples are paired up.  Emily and Ty hate each other.  Johnny and Camila seem ready to hook up again.  Paula would definitely do Dunbar again.

The elimination rounds take place in The Dome.  Ooooooo.  Each Challenge's Power Couple chooses who goes into The Dome against the Challenge's losing couple.

The house is decorated with pictures of the couples' happier moments together.  Love it!  There should be nothing but large posters everywhere.

Challenge: The Challenge involves coating themselves in honey and wiping it off of each other.  Of course it does - I'd expect nothing less from the first Challenge on Battle of the Exes.

Nate is my Number One Stunner in terms of hatred.  Ugh.  Just a fat, bro-dawg douche.  Annoying, unfunny ass.  Lucky for me, he also appears to suck at Challenges - he keeps falling in the water over and over and it's hysterical.  Dunbar is fat as hell, but not as fat as Vinny.  Naomi is a skank.  I feel bad for Diem because she and CT had a legitimate relationship and they haven't talked to each other in ages and she's grossed out by all of his hookups and he's sad that she blew him off after his brother died.  So it's helllllllla awkward.  I genuinely feel bad -- but I love it.

Power Couple: Johnny and Camila.

The Dome: Wes and Mandi are sent in to go against losers Nate and Priscilla.  I thought the challenge would be far, far too athletic for Nate to handle, and I was right.  Even Mandi outlasted him.

Bye-bye: Nate and Priscilla.  Sorry I couldn't continue loving to hate you, bro.  Glad to know you have big plans for the future -- like coming back to the next Challenge.

Justified

Winona and Raylan banter about selling her house and her affair with the previous realtor.  I love me some Winona and Raylan banter like mad.  They're just domestically adorable in this episode.  Makes you wonder how long it's going to last....  Should I predict a miscarriage at this point?

Boyd gets a jailhouse visit from Raylan.  AND IT'S ADORABLE because he's chatting him up about their crazy love lives.  And then he tells Boyd he's getting him out of jail... because no doubt Raylan knows Boyd wants to be there and doesn't want Boyd to kill Dickie.  Walton Goggins says the line, "I'm done" in such a way to make us laugh out loud and rewind.  Goddamn, that man.

Our side story is about a chick in witness protection whose Marshall handler is killed.  That brings Assistant Director Carla Gugino to town, and she and Raylan clearly have a past.  Plus she's Carla Gugino so she's hot as shit.

The Marshall was killed by another one of his witness protection guys.  Art is sent to guard that guy while Rachel's on the chick.  Art of course kicks ass and the guy doesn't get the jump on him.  Art also proceeds to give the guy the Jack Bauer treatment to figure out who he's working with.  Nice.  Rachel gets to do some kicking ass too, protecting her chick from the guy coming to get her with a well-placed headshot.

Boyd proceeds to get himself beaten up by a bunch of black guys (after exposing his racist tattoos) so he gets put into solitary near Dickie.  Boyd doesn't exactly want to kill Dickie - at least not yet.  He wants to know where all of Mags' money is.  It's with Bubba of Bubba Gump Shrimp Co.  And Bubba's a cool, badass dude.  A black Mags I dare say.  Looking forward to it!

Project Runway All Stars

Challenge: Create a cocktail dress for Miss Piggy.  Oh god.  I hate The Muppets.  I don't think adults should like The Muppets... but I'm aware that I'm outnumbered on this one.  I also hate when people talk about Miss Piggy like she's a real person, calling her sexy, etc.  She doesn't need comfortable clothes.  She's a puppet.  When she judges your outfit, she's going to have a guy's hand up her ass.  Ugh.  DIE.  Has she been an inspiration to you your whole life, Austin!?  HAS SHE!?

Just when I'm thinking this is the worst challenge ever, that dumb not-Tim-Gunn bitch says it's one of the greatest challenges in the history of ever ever ever.  DIIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!!

Austin dresses like goddamned Zorro for the runway judging.  And now I'm reminded that I REALLY hate Miss Piggy because she's an unfunny bitch with an awful voice.  Kill me now.

None of the designs blew me away, except for Rami's - and even then, I can't decide if it was over-the-top-awful or over-the-top-awesome.  Austin's had some awful bows on the hips, Mila's was boring as shit, and Gordana's was a nightgown.

Winner: Michael.  But seriously - check out Rami's polka dot dress.  I think I love it.

Bye-bye: Gordana and her Russian nightgown nightmare. Imagine being the designer who gets booted for designing for Miss Piggy. Poor thing.

Fringe

Walternate tells Broyles that shapeshifters have infiltrated the Department of Defense, unaware that Evil Broyles is on their side (or maybe he's a shapeshifter himself!).

Lincoln and Fauxlivia get my man David Robert Jones (whose skin is freaky-awesomely-awful).  He's in a lab raising shapeshifters like they're children.  Or farm animals.  Peter is all set to scram back home (ish) to the other universe when he sees DRJ, and tells Walternate that DRJ is from the other universe.

Meanwhile, some crony of DRJ's releases a gas in a hospital.  And it causes people's skin to come off.  EEEEEEWWWWW of the Week.  The threat of more attacks is all the government needs to release DRJ - along with a tracking device.  Of course, DRJ eludes the tracking device with the help of Evil Broyles.

Peter helps them figure out that DRJ is going after some powerful rock (honestly) that can be used to blow up the Earth (seriously).  And Our Lincoln is suspicious that DRJ has help on the inside.  DRJ crosses over to the other side in order to get that rock, so the team follows.  Peter's mom crosses over too, so she can convince Walter to help Peter get back to his timeline.

DRJ brings the rock back to the other universe and now my eyes have gone crossed trying to keep up with the universes.  Both Fringe teams assemble.  Pretty cool to have a table full of 2 each of Broyles, Olivia, and Lincoln.  They're going to work together to find DRJ.  And Walter's going to help Peter get back to his timeline when they're done.  And Nina is working with DRJ.  And I think that's it.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week:  He's getting really freaky with molecular gastronomy - liquifying meat, making Parmesan ice cream.

This Week's Code: DEATH.

Top Chef: Texas

Quickfire Challenge: Create a dish using 3 random-ass ingredients that come off of a conveyor belt.  I could make something using sauerkraut, Oreos, and Pop Rocks, I just know it!  Beverly would have won, but she didn't get her curried Rice Krispies to the plate in time.  Ha!  Lindsay wins instead.

Elimination Challenge: Make a gothic feast for Charlize Theron.  It's meant to coincide with Charlize's role as the Evil Queen in one of those Snow White films, but that thing isn't coming out for 6 months.  They couldn't have shoehorned in a Young Adult-themed challenge?  Everyone's making bloody, murderous, evil dishes, including heart.  Heart.  Paul puts a "bloody" handprint on the plate - awesome.  Grayson's freaking black chicken claw looks scary as shit!!  And it even had an egg to represent the unborn child!!!  They all actually pulled out some amazingly creative dishes.  So it ended up being a great challenge - like, maybe one of the best ones ever!  Odd movie promotion aside....

Winner: Paul and his bloody handprint.

Bye-bye: Beverly. The judges said everyone was great, they just got nitpicky with things because they had to.  And hers was definitely the least "out there" of all of the dishes.  Damn, no more Beverly to kick around....

Justified

I'm going to attempt to blog about Justified this season, though I worry the blog will look more like OMFGRAYLANISSOHOTTTTT!!!!  I'll try to restrain myself, but seriously - Raylan Givens is a goddamn iconic character.  So happy this show is back.

I love that this show always picks up a new season right where it left off.  So we have Raylan in the hospital, having just been shot, and Winona going to visit him.  And now we jump 3 weeks later.  Raylan's at the gun range (I'm refraining from capslocking!) and things aren't going too well.  He's still not 100%, and is on desk duty for a while.

It's also hard to write while I'm watching this show because of the fast dialogue.  It's awesome.  Boyd and Raylan have their first confrontation, over where Mags's pot and money may have wandered off to.  Of course, it ends in them making out - I mean fighting.  Line of the Night candidate: Boyd says something about running off to Mexico with the money, and Raylan says, "I don't think you'd like Mexico."  "Why?"  "There's a lot of Mexicans."  Love it.

Raylan thinks they should get a house now that Winona's knocked up.  I'm gonna miss the motel room if they move.  I love that crappy motel room Raylan's lived in this whole damn time.

Our Big Bad this season represents the Detroit Mafia, who invested in the Dixie Mafia... and wants its money back. He's got a really creepy guy working as his muscle - nicknamed Ice Pick.  The marshals (Tim!  I love you!) investigate when he kills a guy.  Duffy factors into the investigation.  YAY Duffy!  "I gotta get back to watching women's tennis."  LOL he's so random.  This Ice Pick creep is in the motel room when Raylan and Winona return home.  There's an AWESOME tense conversation over gunpoint.  Naturally, Raylan gets the upper hand in the end.  Let's just say it ends with the line:  "Sorry about your tablecloth."  Closing out that plotline, the Detroit Mafia guy shoots the head of the Dixie Mafia and his assistant in their faces.  He doesn't need them anymore.  Thankfully, he lets Duffy live.

In Boyd land, he and his crew are stashing trashbags full of Mags's weed in Arlo's house.  And I mean trashbags full.  Literally.  Piled up in the living room.  The crew screws it up of course -- they put the plants in the bags wet 3 weeks ago and most of it is moldy crap now.  It's up to Ava to straighten everything out while Boyd's in prison for assaulting Raylan.  He tells her to burn it.  They can't keep sitting on it and no one is willing to buy it in its condition for the price they want.  She cracks Devil across the face with a frying pan when he tries to protest her orders.  Ava's gonna be the Mags of that operation.

At the end, we see Dewey and Jeremy Davies are in the same prison as Boyd.  He's clearly in there for a reason.  Boyd assaulted Raylan, not randomly, but so that he'd get to these guys in prison for some reason.  I love my crazy, cunning Boyd.

Top Chef: Texas

It's Restaurant Wars!!!!!  And it's a battle of the sexes.

The guys' restaurant is Canteen and has a cool little vibe going for it.  It also has a retarded wait staff.  The girls name their place Half Bushel and they bitch at each other - a lot.  Women just can't work together. 

The women win but neither of the restaurants blew anyone away.  The chicks' food was apparently better.

Winner: Beverly.  Good - give her a boost to her self-esteem and then kick her out next week.  I love to hate her.

Bye-bye: Ty-Lör.  It's about time. Please take your umlaut and go.

Project Runway All Stars

Challenge: Create a show-stopping gown for a night at the opera.

There's nothing much to blog about when you already know about the contestants.  We're not learning anything new about them.  They don't even really talk amongst themselves - they're all business.  The only thing I saw was Rami and Anthony leaning against each other on the couch, but I don't think they're doing it.  That's just my professional opinion.

Kenley made a pink monstrosity, as Kenley would.  I didn't like Gordan's purple thing.  Rami's dress was such a bright shade of pink that's all you could see.  Sweet P... what the hell?  It was like a giant maternity picnic tablecloth.  Loved Mondo's, and couture isn't even his thing.  Jerell did a damn pregnancy dress too.  Michael made a gorgeous beaded, feather-laden thing.  April's dress looked like a used tampon. 

Winner: Austin.  Of course.  His dress looked like an Oscar and was pretty constrained for him.

 

Bye-Bye: Sweet P.  Seriously - pregnant picnic table.





Next week involves designing for Miss Piggy.  God save me, that's going to be the worst challenge ever.

Fringe

Yay!  Fringe is back.  My life is complete.  I just can't live without Olivia that long....

Walter's making Pacey chocolate chip banana pancakes (just shirtless, he has pants on) and Olivia comes down to kiss them both.  It's a happy domestic scene, which can only mean it's a dream.

Peter wants to use the Peter Bishop Death Machine to get back to his timeline.  Walter refuses to help him, so Peter asks Olivia and Lincoln to help him get to the Other Universe to get Walternate's help instead.  They steal the original universe-jumping machine from Massive Dynamic and Lincoln (undercover as Kickass Lincoln Lee) and Peter cross over.

Other Universe Freak of the Week: Guy has a weird face, guy gets hit by a bus.  I don't know, it's about this time that I see Jared Harris in the credits and start freaking out.  David Robert Jones, bitch!  One of my favorite characters ever!  Wasn't that Season 1?  Then Walternate starts digging through the guy's guts - awesomely gross.  He finds one of those shapeshifting devices.  Now here's the thing - each side thinks the other is sending shapeshifters.  Walternate's not doing it -- his Brandon ends up being a shapeshifter.  So who's sending them?  I say it's Jared Harris.

Lincoln and Peter are caught, and there's a super-hot Lincoln Lee Face Off.  While being transported, a rogue agent tries to kill Lincoln and Peter, but those 2 make a pretty kickass team and they escape.

Peter goes to see his mommy to see if she can get Walternate to help him.  Jesus, Peter has been reunited with about 55 different versions of his parents at this point in the series.  Walternate says he'll help Peter get home if Peter will go back to the other side and let them know that Walternate's not the enemy, and that he's not behind the shapeshifters. 

In the meantime, Fauxlivia and Alt Lincoln are investigating who tried to kill Peter and Lincoln.  Their investigation is about to lead them to David Robert Jones, who is working with Broyles.  And has a bunch of bodies in, like, suspended animation or something.

Back to the other side, where an Observer visits Olivia and tells her he has looked into all possible futures and in every one the result is the same - she has to die.  And then he disappears.  It's also worth mentioning he had been shot.  And also that David Robert Jones is back!!!  WHEEEE!

This Week's Code: JO (heh)...  JONES.

The Challenge: Battle of the Exes

I was really looking forward to this show... and then found out it was just a preview (I'm sorry - "the pre-game").  *sad horns* You know what?  I don't care.  I need this.  I'll take it.

It's "hosted" by Kenny, who is awkward and awful at hosting.  And the panel doesn't help much - Laurel, Mike, Tyler, and Jenn.  I like Laurel's blonde hair but that bitch has no personality.  The panel gives us their pointless predictions on how the couples will fare.

So here are our couples:
Paula and Dunbar - shocker, Paula's on a Challenge.
CT and Diem - I always thought they were a cute couple.  We witnessed their first kiss!  CT always brings the crazy.
Wes and Mandi - they hooked up, but it appeared to be mutual so they shouldn't really have bad blood between them.
Naomi and Leroy - I didn't watch that season, but I do like Leroy.
Heather and Dustin - again, didn't watch that season, but he is the one who did gay-for-pay online porn.  Nice.
Priscilla and Nate - GODDAMMIT, WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?  Nate is gross.  Like, big fat bro-seph gross.
Abram and Cara Maria - I always liked those freaks.  Too bad they didn't make it.
Jasmine and Tyrie - No thoughts on them.  Maybe she'll go crazy?
Emily and Ty - I liked them too, but they have a hella volatile relationship.
Rachel and Aneesa - Should be good competitors, but who cares about that - lesbian drama.
Johnny and Camila - boring.
Mark and Robin - I liked them together.  She's a crazy whore and I love her.
Sarah and Vinny - who is this Vinny effer and when did Sarah hook up with him!?  I totally watched that Challenge -- I remembered the clips they showed -- but don't remember them.

Top Chef: Texas

Quickfire Challenge: Make something using modernist techniques.  Beverly's technique involves squirting her foam all over Padma's dress.  Awkward bitch.  Ty-Lör wins, though I liked Squinty Chris's Miracle Berry thing better.  I want a Miracle Berry -- they make lemons taste sweet!!!!  They sell them on Think Geek and I will get them some day.  Oh yes, I will.

Elimination Challenge: Texas barbeque.  It's a team challenge, and they all just form their own groups.  They get to cook outside in giant BBQ pits and smokers... and in an RV, but unfortunately they're not cooking meth. 

Chris, Chris, and Beverly make some beer can chicken and Dr. Pepper spare ribs.

Grayson, Paul, and Lindsay go Asian-influenced.  Are there Asians in Texas?

And Ed, Sarah, and Ty-Lör cook so much that Sarah nearly dies from smoke inhalation.  She's carted off to the hospital and the boys are left to finish on their own.

Winners:  Grayson, Paul, and Lindsay.  Go figure - the Asian flavors worked!  They also had some problems with the smoker.  But they worked really hard and I love all of them so I'm glad they won.

Bye-bye: Both of the other teams really sucked it up.  Pretty Boy Chris leaves because of his salty-ass dry rub.

Project Runway All Stars

So this All Stars season has been in the can for a while.  Makes you wonder what took so long to air it, but it was probably just trying to avoid Project Runway exhaustion. 

Here's who we get: Mondo (yay!), Michael Costello (yay!), Mila, Anthony (fierce!), Jerell, Elisa (who? oh - the hippie who spits on her clothes), Austin Scarlett (natch), Kenley (my girlfriend whose voice I love to imitate the whole time), Rami, Gordana, Sweet P, April (rocking gray hair!), and Kara. 

Who we don't get?  Heidi Klum, Michael Kors, and Nina Garcia. We get some never-heard-of-before-model as host (she sometimes looks like Michelle Monaghan, has a sing-song-y whiny voice, and often needs to clear her damn throat) and a couple designers, including Isaac Mizrahi, as judges.  Worst of all: No Tim Gunn.  Well now, maybe this is why it sat on the shelf... maybe it sucks.  Good thing we know the designers and they're all good personalities -- they're going to need to carry this show.

Gotta love Austin, having his gaygasms anytime he sees a designer he loves.  Even Anthony can't out-gay Austin.

Challenge: The unconventional materials challenge -- this time, using materials from a 99-cent store.  On the plus side, nearly all of the designs are fierce!  Rami and Mondo were particularly amazing and Sweet P and Elisa stunk it up - no shock there. 

Winner: Rami. Fab.




Bye-bye: Elisa.  I'm surprised it wasn't Sweet P.  Bye, crazy!

Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Exes: YES!

Thanks to Kim for the reminder to check this preview out.  Real World/Road Rules Challenge: Battle of the Exes.  This looks epic.  Some thoughts: Abram and Cara Maria broke up.  Shocker.  Who did Sarah bang?  Jesus, Robin, stop doing shows and go raise your kid.  Looks like even more drama than usual - and it's the kind of show they could do for 50 years because they have quite the pool to choose from - PLUS I really like that Arctic setting at the end - normally they're all about the tropical locations, but I really like the idea of these idiots freezing to death.  Hope it's awesome (and that I remember to watch it)!

MTV Shows

Baloney & Cereal Twenty-Eleven Sillies: Movies

I haven't seen The Descendants yet - and I really want to - but I'm suddenly sick and in a bad mood, so I'm not going to force myself to see it now. Let's just assume it's on my list of favorite films of 2011. Let's also assume you couldn't pay me to watch War Horse or Hugo. Because you couldn't. Anyway, here's my shoddy list for Favorite Films of 2011 (see, aforementioned illness):

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo - The more I think about it, the more I love it. And the less dark I find it. Seriously, I loved this twisted movie.

Mission: Impossible - Ghost Protocol - Jeremy Renner and Simon Pegg and cool stunts. Most Re-watchable Film of the Year.

50/50 - Comedy of the year. Cancer film of the year.

Crazy, Stupid, Love. - I just watched this yesterday, and for a romantic dramedy -- not exactly my favorite genre -- I loved it. My crush on Emma Stone doesn't hurt. For the record, I choose her over Ryan Gosling, but it's close. It's a really lovely multigenerational story of love and soulmates. And I still liked it.  Go figure.

Drive - It's the Year of Ryan Gosling. Super cool, ultra violent. Now that's my kind of flick!

Attack the Block - Best British film, best alien film.

Young Adult - Charlize Theron: my immature bitch hero.

Super 8 - Second Most Re-watchable Film of the Year.

Young Adult

Is it wrong to look up to Charlize Theron's character in Young Adult? OK, not really, but I definitely feel bad for the screwed up bitch. From the outside, she's gorgeous and glamorous and has a cute dog and has it all together. But when she wakes up in the morning, she has eyeliner all smeared under her eyes, she neglects her adorable dog, and she's a delusional alcoholic who drinks Diet Coke and booze like water.  And it's both funny and heartbreaking to watch.

Patton Oswalt, who I always love, is great as an old classmate she bonds with -- as much as this immature-beyond-her-years chick can bond with another human being. Props to Theron, who plays a pretty horrid bitch in a way that makes you pity her.  The poor thing is just too messed up and immature to realize what she really has -- or doesn't have -- going for her.  And just when you feel bad for her, she goes back to being a bitch.  It's great, and really left me wondering if Mavis was going to change her ways or not.  I think so, but then again I kind of hope not.  Bitch Mavis is fun.