Up In The Air

I finally got the chance to see Up in the Air, and it didn't disappoint. It's not exactly my top film of the year, but it was quirky, funny, tragic, and all-around lovely.

George Clooney is great in it, playing a man who lays people off for a living. He's also the world's most efficient traveler, something I aspire to be. It's really the perfect movie to close out this first decade - both because of the economic times we're in and the realities of air travel. I think it actually makes quite a nice movie to summarize the early-2000's.

Clooney is a man with no emotional ties who comes to realize the value of having them. It's kind of tragic what he's missed out on, and how long it took him to realize he was missing people in his life. But I got the message of "better late than never" - what's the saying? "It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all"? This movie makes me buy into that crap.

But amongst the lonely tragedy that is this guy's life, there are cute moments and he has a great impact on a young co-worker. I think their relationship in the film is really lovely. At one point, it looks as though Clooney's character, his girlfriend (A woman close to his age! Shocker! For once they don't put Clooney with the 20-something!), and the co-worker make up this adorable little family. I really enjoyed the part of the movie where they were all together, the girl learning from this "other generation."

I like the movie because the ending and some of the things that happen are up to interpretation - you can see it as positive, or as negative. I was in a good mood, so I saw a message of positivity and hope, but my normal cynical self can easily argue the other side as well.

The Real World: DC

I'm watching this season of The Real World solely because it's taking place in Washington, DC. I'm more interested in the background than the people.

Let's meet the roommates:

Ashley and Mike - they're actually excited to be in DC for good reasons - history, politics, etc. I love them already.

Andrew - cute in a goofy, floppy-haired kind of way - too bad he's not gay. He's already in love with Emily, who is from a religious cult.

Callie - wants to be a photographer and is cute because she's curvy.

Ty - the hot brother from Baltimore. Well, he didn't have to go far, did he? My sister warned me he was hot. Yep. He is. And he's all adopted and vulnerable too. Hottest guy since Alton.

Erika and Josh - both want to be singers. Josh is a typical ugly Philly dirtbag.

ARE THERE NO GAY PEOPLE HERE!? (I still stand by my initial impression that Andrew's gay though.) Emily claims to be bi. Halfway through the episode, my prayers are answered - MIKE IS BI-SEXUAL!!!! THANK YOU!!! HOT! He just got 100% hotter in my eyes and I'm giddy as hell. I eagerly anticipate a Mike/Andrew hook-up.

They live in my dream DC house, only the decor is... interesting. The rooms are decorated with patriotic colors and portraits of presidents, and there's an Oval Office-esque room. Lame.

There's a lot of religious discussion; it's actually shockingly interesting! And luckily they appear to be drinking while having it, so things get a bit out of hand and verbally violent. YAY! And then - the next day - they talk things out rationally. This can't possibly continue. Ashley and Ty decide they won't get along though, so I look forward to more fights from them.

I Need Sherlock Holmes To Solve A Mystery

And that mystery is: Why didn't I like this movie more?

It had British accents, it had mystery, it had a very cool style to it, it had those fabulous olden times fashions, and it had Robert Downey, Jr. playing a smart, oddball character. This should be enough, and yet somehow it wasn't.

I know it wasn't Jude Law's fault. I hate that man normally and he didn't bother me as Watson. It's like all of the pieces were there - and it was certainly entertaining enough - but it wasn't the fabulous film I was hoping for. It's like it had action and humor, but not enough to make me go "Wow."

At least it was very, very gay. Seriously, Sherlock Holmes is in love with Watson in this movie. It's adorable.

The Japanese Always Have To Outdo Us

Thanks to Bobby Z for the holiday shopping tip. I present: the Japanese version of a Snuggie. It's a sleeping bag with legs. And no pee hole, as far as I can tell. It's actually worse than a Snuggie - shouldn't it have arms too? And if it did, wouldn't it then just be a snowsuit?

My feet are cold just looking at this thing....

Best. Children's Show. Ever.

Nope, Nothing Strange Happening There At All

Brittany Murphy's husband is perfectly normal too.

The Things I Learn On Facebook

R.I.P. Brittany Murphy

Brittany Murphy died early this morning after she went into full cardiac arrest and could not be revived, multiple sources tell TMZ.

She was 32.

A 911 call was made at 8:00 AM from a home in Los Angeles that is listed as belonging to her husband, Simon Monjack, the Los Angeles City Fire Department tells TMZ.

We're told Murphy was taken to Cedars-Sinai Medical Center where she was pronounced dead on arrival.

It's perfectly normal for a 32 year old woman to die of cardiac arrest. In Los Angeles.

Avatar

Avatar was one of those movies I saw because I felt like I had to see it. It's got so much hype, it's gotten awards, it's the Most Expensive Movie Ever -- I have to see what all the fuss is about. But I can't say I was excited to see it. Let's face it - the movie is about Big Blue Cats.

And it's hard to see beyond those Big Blue Cats. However, there were definitely times when they felt real. The movie is breathtaking and groundbreaking and gorgeous. At first it's like, oooooh look - the horses have 6 legs, and the Big Blue Cats ride on neon pterodactyls, and the forest looks like everything is bathed in black light. But eventually you do get immersed in the world that's been created, and it seems less like an animated film and more like a real place.

The story is very simplistic and straight-forward. And the alien culture is all hippie-dippy, with its belief that all living things are intertwined. The movie really starts off in the middle of everything, and the plot is a wee bit confusing if you think about it too much. So instead focus on the pretty, pretty alien planet. And pretty, pretty Sam Worthington.

I think the best thing I can say about this movie is that it wasn't a complete waste of time. I mean, I could have been completely restless and bored during those 2 1/2 plus hours, but I wasn't. Just as it started to feel too long, there was a pretty epic battle scene that sucked me in.

It really is a lovely film. Not the best movie I've ever seen - and I don't feel the need to see it again - but it was good. I saw it in 3D too, which I'd recommend. The 3-D wasn't gimmicky at all.

The Iron Man 2 Trailer Just Got Pwned

There, I said it. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!

Clash of the Titans trailer - ho!

SYTYCD: Results: FINALE

It's the So You Think You Can Dance finale which means it's that time of year when I threaten to renounce my American citizenship and move to Canada (the horror!) if things go wrong.

We get some guest judges tonight: Lil C, Tyce, and Debbie Allen. Nice to finally have some different faces. Cat looks fabulous, but then I notice the serious metal around her neck. It probably weighs 6 pounds.

We got the usual "best of" routines picked by the judges. Kevin, Legacy, and Russell performed their fabulous hip hop routine. Amazing. We got Jakob and Ellenore's great Sonya routine. The tappers. *snooze* Then Ashleigh and Ryan performed their own ballroom routine and I was just like, OMG they could cure cancer and I wouldn't care. I'd still hate them. They just annoy the piss out of me and always will.

We also got Kathryn and Jakob (sense a pattern?) from last night; Nathan and Mollee's Bollywood; Legacy and Ellenore's crazy good Travis Wall routine; Noelle and Russell's amazing African Jazz routine; what I thought was an average routine by the Contemporary dancers; Russell (sense a pattern?) and Kathryn's hip hop from last night.

SHOCKING NEWS! As the dancers are brought out onto the stage for the first time, there's a delay. Russell is being helped out by Ryan because he "busted" his leg!! And he's crying about it! When did he have time to hurt himself and it must be bad! I feel so awful. Maybe he was crying more out of disappointment though and not pain. Because they had to show the tapes of the African Jazz performance and the second Hip Hop performance. Poor Noelle - didn't get to return to the spotlight.

Here's how they placed:

6. Ryan. Yes!
5. Ashleigh. The evening is going just as I planned. Fabulous.
4. Ellenore. I'm fine with that based on last night's performances.
3. Kathryn. Agree. It's hard for me to believe she's that same girl who would get all high-pitched and weepy. She turned out to be a great dancer.

At this point, I'm really fine with whatever way the guys fall - I'm so happy!!

2. Jakob
1. Russell!!!!

Honestly, I'm probably actually happier that Russell won. Jakob is amazing and will get a job with a troupe no problem and will have a fabulous career. Russell is the diamond in the rough who got to prove that a crumper can learn different styles. He needs it more. I'm happy!

Iron Man 2 Trailer

Many thanks to KP for the heads-up -- I was in a meeting all afternoon and haven't had the time to check up on the ol' Google Reader yet. But who needs Reader when you have sisters?

After one watch, I thought the trailer was a little slow-going. But Whiplash looks cool. And then the end is really good - including a peek at Don Cheadle's War Machine.

SYTYCD: Performances: FINALE

OK what? Two problems up front:

1. I don't like having 6 dancers in the finale. More dancers means more vote-splitting and I worry some wild card is going to win this thing.

2. A one hour performance finale? Really!? It's been 2 hours of performances all along, but when the finale comes around they cut it to one hour? I mean, I thought 2 hours was too long all along, but for the finale I just assumed I was in for 2 hours, and I had come to terms with it.

As it turns out, it just means the judging gets edited down, we only get couples dances and no solos and we don't get the behind-the-scenes rehearsal/choreography stuff.

At least Cat looks gorgeous in her red one-shouldered dress. Let's get to the performances.

1. Kathryn & Ryan - Samba. He's shirtless, I'm gagging. It's good, and there's this amazing lift/throw-onto-Ryan's back at the end. But he's half nude and writhing so I'm grossed out.

2. Ellenore & Jakob (My Powerhouse Couple)- Broadway. It hurts to watch him. HURTS. He's so flexible and his extensions are amazing. That split? Those jumps and kicks? I could watch them dance together all day long.

3. Ashleigh & Russell - Lyrical Jazz. This is the couple we never got to see. OMG. It was gorgeous. They were amazing and I totally got chills and teared up on this. Holy crap. He was amazing and she made me a believer too. But really it's all about Russell - he's a crumper dammit!!! He made the judges cry.

4. Ellenore and Ryan - Jazz. It was this really odd robotic routine. So it didn't seem very dance-y for me. There wasn't anything to get swept away in.

5. Ashleigh & Jakob - Foxtrot. It was fine. Kind of a standard foxtrot, not too exciting.

6. Ellenore & Russell - Paso Doble. OH SNAP! It's insane. Just intense and hot and insane.

7. Kathryn & Jakob - Contemporary. INSANITY! They are so good together. It was so good and everyone was on their feet. They're just brilliant and it was absolutely one of the best performances. Guh.

8. Ashleigh & Ryan - Contemporary. Gag. The married couple. At least it didn't end with a hardcore makeout. They did cry though. It was lovely, but the gimmickiness of it was too much for my cynical heart.

9. Kathryn & Russell - Hip Hop. OH MY GOD! It was incredible. Just amazing. He was dancing with her on his shoulders, it was just fun and fabulous and some nice, classic Tabitha & Napoleon. Good stuff, man.

MUST WIN: Jakob. Or Russell. Can we have 2 winners please?

I'D BE MORE THAN OK IF THEY WON: Ellenore and Kathryn. Especially Kathryn - she was amazing tonight.

KILL ME IF THEY WIN: Ryan and Ashleigh. For real.

Some Golden Globes Nominations Make Me Bitter

Or rather the lack thereof.

Nothing for Fringe and especially nothing for John Noble.

Kiss my ass, Hollywood Foreign Press! Dr. Walter Bishop > Dr. House.

Some Golden Globes Nominations Make Me Giddy

BEST MOTION PICTURE - DRAMA
AVATAR (Oh god, I'm going to have to see it, aren't I?)
THE HURT LOCKER
PRECIOUS (I'm sure it's good, but you couldn't pay me to be that depressed. Sorry.)
UP IN THE AIR (Can't wait to see)
INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Neill Blomkamp, Terri Tatchell, DISTRICT 9
Mark Boal, THE HURT LOCKER
Nancy Meyers, IT'S COMPLICATED
Jason Reitman & Sheldon Turner, UP IN THE AIR
Quentin Tarantino, INGLOURIOUS BASTERDS

BEST PERFORMANCE BY AN ACTOR IN A SUPPORTING ROLE IN A MOTION PICTURE
Christoph Waltz, INGLORIOUS BASTERDS (There should be no one else nominated. Period.)

The Ruins: Finale

It's kind of gay for guys to be throwing balls at each other's bare asses and dripping hot wax on each other, right? It's HELLA gay, right? Well then, Evan, Johnny, and Kenny are gay for each other. As Evan says, "It's a lot more fun to do it than take it, isn't it?"

It's the Epic Battle of Sarah & KellyAnne vs. Susie & Evan & Kenny & Derrick & Johnny. But most of the episode is filled with the usual Kenny vs. Sarah and Johnny vs. Susie.

First leg: eat bugs and balls. Or something. Sarah and KellyAnne pwned that, running away to the next leg while Johnny's puking away.

There are too many cooks in the kitchen on the Champions team when they have to work on a puzzle. Sarah and KellyAnne pwn that one too.

Third leg: crawling through a mud pit. That's not so awful. At this point, the boys throw Susie over their back so they can walk faster carrying her.

After some slow balancing by KellyAnne, they're basically even. The next leg is a puzzle, so it just comes down to "brain power" and focus. On a show like this, Susie has the most of those, and the Champions finish that leg first.

Winner: Champions. The team of 2 had a decent chance, what with the puzzles, but in the end 2 girls get beaten by 4 guys plus Susie. Go figure.

Worst. Rules. Ever. I assume they'll try to make the teams even next time....

Fringe Rules My Life

Freak of the Week: A dude recalls memories whilst simultaneously having bits of his brain removed. It looks like shrimp. I'm never eating shrimp again. There are exposed brains and the general nastiness one has come to expect with Fringe.

The dude is in a mental hospital, and the Team heads there to investigate. This of course means more cuteness from Walter, who tells the security guard "I'm sane." Of course you are, Walter. Of course you are.

When reviewing the security tapes, Olivia recognizes the guy who had broken in to perform the shrimp surgery. He's one of those frozen heads that were stolen from earlier this season, all thawed out and attached to a body.

Now that the shrimpy part of his brain is missing, the insane patient is no longer insane. The Team tracks down similar patients - people crazy for like 14 years and then magically cured. Turns out they had had bits of transplanted brain tissue, which is what Mr. Head was removing. He's basically trying to reassemble someone's brain, which had been broken down into pieces and stored in other people's brains. That's awesome!!

Peter finds a surgical scar on Walter's head, and they think he once had a piece of foreign brain removed from him. Walter goes in for an MRI - and requires a lot of Valium (because he has a high tolerance, natch). AND IT TURNS OUT IT WAS PIECES OF WALTER'S BRAIN THAT WERE IMPLANTED IN THE OTHER PEOPLE!!! AWESOME!

The brain pieces removed were memories. Mr. Head kidnaps a recovering Walter so that he can recreate the memories in their original brain. Of course. Pacey is going to be bitter!!!

Luckily, after getting lost last week, Walter had implanted a tracking device in his neck, and so Peter and Olivia follow it. Unluckily, Mr. Head must have found it, because they find it in a bloody public restroom sink. This is the part where Pacey gets bitter, kicking in a bathroom door like the manly man he is.

Mr. Head needs Walter to remember how he built the door to the Other Universe. We got some cool hints about the Other Universe too - something called "the blight" that killed grass and trees. Mr. Head gets the information he needs (off-screen) just before Olivia and Peter come storming in. As they're escaping, Olivia gets two nice head shots on Mr. Head's henchmen. Nice kills, girl! (She's working a fierce braid tonight too.)

Olivia nabs Mr. Head, but he has a failsafe to ensure his escape - he injected something into Walter and if he doesn't get the antidote in 4 minutes, Walter will die. Olivia has a choice - Mr. Head or Walter Bishop. YOU HAD BETTER PICK WALTER BISHOP, HARLOT!! She does. Because she is awesome.

So Mr. Head saves Walter's life, but then gets away in the process. That son of a bitch.

In the end, Walter recalls that his memories were taken by William Bell - for safekeeping, so he would be the only one who would know how to open the door to the Other Universe.

Walter's Food Thing of the Week: Chicken wings! When he awakens from his near-death state, he has a massive headache... and a sudden craving for chicken wings. That's my Walter.

This Week's Code: PORTAL.

Top Chef: Finale

Come on, Kevin!!!

Final Challenge: Cook a three course meal. First course - use everything in the box you're given (fish, crab, lemons, and squash included). Second - cook anything you want with anything in the kitchen. Third - you must make dessert.

Then the chefs draw knives randomly to get their sous chefs from among all of the former contestants. Ugh. Random!? Kevin gets Preeti and Ash. DAGGER! Brian lucked out with Jennifer and Ashley. Michael gets Eli (he's good as a sous chef) and some chick I can barely remember.

Kevin's pretty bitter about his assistants, and I don't know that I've ever seen him mad. Poor guy.

Their mothers stop by for a visit on the morning of the competition. Of course, that's only to drive home the point that Bryan and Michael are brothers. But Kevin's mom is adorable and gives him a nice pep talk.

The chefs are given a last-minute addition to their challenge - create an extra course (to serve as the first course) inspired by your childhood/mothers. Kevin makes fried chicken skin. Of course he does. Luckily, it's pretty much used as a garnish.

For their main dishes, Kevin made pork (duh), Bryan made venison, and Michael made squab.

Kevin's dessert has chocolate bacon mousse and bacon brittle. Yes! YESYESYES! Go Kevin!

You couldn't tell who was going to win going by the judges' reactions at the table - there were negative and positive for all of them.

Kevin had a bad day so he didn't win. Sadness. I'll blame Preeti for this. I will be avenged!!

Top Chef: Michael. It came down to The Brothers. Wow, that was kind of surprising. I never really noticed that he was all that good, and he beat his brother. I guess I'll have to check out his restaurant. But I'm going to Kevin's first!

I Need To STFU

I just noticed that my prior post was Post #2001. Cool. BRB. Watching Top Chef.

SYTYCD: Results

Tonight, Cat's earrings are the distraction - long, bright blue things. I'm hoping Ryan and Ashleigh leave, but this week is traditionally the week for surprise eliminations. So we'll see.

The other distraction? That Jakob comes out for the eliminations wearing boxer briefs and a turtleneck. Like, if he popped a boner, the world would know. And he's standing with 3 guys who are fully dressed in jeans. It's weird. Maybe he didn't have time to put on pants?

Bottom Two Guys: Legacy. OK. Ryan. THANK YOU, JESUS! I was so afraid it was going to be Jakob. What a relief. Jakob and Russell in the finale!! Thank GOD!

Bottom Two Girls: Ellenore. Boo, but expected. Mollee. OK, there's your Shock of the Night. Ashleigh skates through even though she didn't perform!? That's bull. America stinks.

Bye-bye:

Mollee. THANK YOU! I mean, I feel bad because Mollee's crying and really upset, and yet at least Ellenore is in the finale. Mollee wouldn't have a chance of winning.

Legacy. Damn. Yes, I'm bitter that Ryan and Ashleigh both made it. Legacy made it really far and was really amazing, but I suppose he wouldn't have won either.

Let's go Jakob and Russell!

SYTYCD: Performances

Ashleigh doesn't come out in the introduction of the 8 dancers and I'm all WTF!? Is she injured? Yep. She comes out with her arm in a sling because she dislocated her shoulder earlier in the day. She wants to dance, but the doctors won't clear her. That stinks for whoever is paired up with her. They still bring her out so she can get some votes. I hope she doesn't.

Cat is wearing a gold lamé shorts-suit. She's amazing. Always. I truly don't know what there is left for her to wear.

1. Kathryn and Ryan. They're the blandest couple left.

A) Disco. It had crazy lifts, since that's all he's good for. His rhinestoned pants distracted (and blinded) me. I just have a problem with him, and they're very cheeseball and whitebread. It was just a'ight for me, dawg.

B) Cha Cha. It's a great routine, with all kinds of crazy lifts and footwork. Considering how dull they are, it was great and I loved it. Ryan had a long-sleeved shirt on, which helped, though it kept coming all open in the front. Gag.

2. Mollee and Jakob. Mollee, get away from my man.

A) Viennese Waltz. It was really great. Jakob just drives me crazy, he's so good. And he always brings his partners to another level, so she was great too. Jakob's just so amazing. I'm in love.

B) Broadway. They both have very gymnastic abilities, and they were great. But damn he really does amaze me -- his extensions, his huge movements, guh. Love him.

3. Ellenore and Legacy.

A) Contemporary by Travis Wall. It was this cool, tightly-choreographed, hard-hitting dance. Lots of throwing themselves around. Very cool for both of their styles.

B) Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a cool, quirky routine that really fit their styles, once again. It didn't seem that hard though, or at least not as hard at their previous routine. I like this couple. The judges crapped all over the choreography, it was funny.

4. Not-Ashleigh and Russell. Russell gets screwed on partners AGAIN!? How unfair. And I really think they would have been a good couple in these styles. I only like Ashleigh when she's paired with a dude I like.

A) Hip Hop by Shane Sparks. Russell dances with Shane's assistant on this one. And I play the "Fat or Pregnant?" game with the assistant. Seriously. Why is Russell always paired with the big girls? He was great, of course, but it's always a bit off-putting when people are paired with another person at the last minute. I feel bad and it's the main focus, instead of the dancing. People better vote for Russell!!

B) Bollywood. This assistant is way hotter. It was a great, high-energy routine, as the Bollywood routines always are. The chick was amazing and Russell was great too, he had such great positive energy. It looked really hard. Is it wrong to say that Russell's good at ethnic-type dancing? He's good at the ethnic dancing.

Russell did his solo dressed as Santa Claus. Epic. I love you, Russell.

The Ruins

We pick up at The Ruins with Susie v. Kimberly. It's insane - they have to wrestle a rope out of each other's hands in the rain no less, Susie is picking Kim up and slamming her on the ground - it's brutal.

Bye-bye: Kimberly. And then Dunbar follows.

So it's 4 dudes and Susie left for the Champions and 3 chicks for the Challengers. Johnny wants to throw the next challenge so they can force Susie to go up against KellyAnne. He wants Casey to stay for the final challenge. He's an ass. What is he so afraid of? He says the Challengers will be stronger without Casey. Which, OK, granted, but there will only be TWO OF THEM. And they will have VAGINAS! I'm pretty sure your big, strong balls can take them down, Johnny.

So although Johnny throws his part of the challenge, the other boys do not, and they end up winning. Plus it helped that Casey DQ'd herself because she didn't feel like finishing. That Casey sure is a winner. TJ don't like quitters.

The Ruins: Susie chooses to go against Casey. And of course she wins.

Bye-bye: Casey. She's always high, isn't she? I don't think it's all a Dumb Blonde Thing. I think she's high.

So the finale challenge is going to be:

Challengers: Sarah and KellyAnne
Champions: Susie and Evan and Kenny and Derrick and Johnny.

Yeah, that's fair. Pretty good rule-making, MTV!

Feeling Kinda Sunday

Yeah, I'm feeling better....

Belgian Beef and Beer Stew


Herbed Asiago Rolls

Regular old chocolate chip cookies

Top Chef

The Final Four gather in Napa Valley in the Fall and it's gorgeous.

Quickfire: Cook on the moving Napa Valley Wine Train, using grapes. Michael wins, and wins a Prius. Bryan looks bitter. I just recently realized how utterly humorless Bryan is.

Elimination Challenge: Make 2 dishes for 150 people - one vegetarian, one with a protein, both 100% local.

Bryan makes Goat Cheese Ravioli with squash puree, which is totally close to what he served us. Yeah, those goat cheese ravioli were killer. He makes short ribs too. I would murder someone for some short ribs right now. (I'm just getting over being sick which means I'm ravenous.)

Kevin makes amazing food once again. Pumpkin polenta, roasted carrots, braised beef, I'm all over it. This turkey burger I just ate ain't cutting it.

They're all really good - it's a strong Final Four. But someone has to leave.

Winner: Bryan.

Bye-bye: Jennifer. Damn. An all-male finale. We're still guaranteed some bitchiness though, as The Brothers have to go up against each other.

GO KEVIN! Or Bryan. But, you know, mostly KEVIN!

Fringe

Freak of the Week: Boston's Chinatown. A guy's stomach hurts. Great. That never ends well on this show. Sure enough, some creature starts to come out of his mouth and nose. Yay for a monster episode!

The team finds a bunch of dead bodies from a Chinese ship run aground. And of course they find a buttload of disgusting organisms as well. I do love it when this show gets gross.

The worms contain something that strengthens immune systems, and the team traces the order (because apparently there's a black market for everything, including Immune System Worms) to a mother whose son has an immunodeficiency disorder.

Walter's Food of the Week: He mentioned a hot dog, but he was really too busy self-actualizing. Poor Walter just wants to be independent, but then when he gets lost, he tries calling Peter but can't remember the number. I just can't take it when Walter looks so lost. Luckily, a nice Chinese lady helps him out, and eventually they get through to Peter.

Peter busts into the Creepy Chinese Worm Factory alone, as only Peter would do, and doesn't have much luck taking down the big guys. He almost has a worm forced down his throat, but luckily Olivia and Broyles bust in just in time.

Walter stabs me through the heart once gain, crying when he finds out Astrid was attacked in the lab. They are too cute together - in a grandpa/granddaughter kind of way, of course. Then, as he often does, Walter simultaneously breaks my heart and makes me laugh when he implants a tracking device into his neck, so that he doesn't have to worry about getting lost again.

This Week's Code: HIDDEN.

Fringe: Thank God For Delayed Viewing Options

I'm sick with whatever brand of flu is currently circulating. There is no way I'll be able to watch Fringe tonight, which is a big indication that I'm almost dead.

But in the meantime, I wanted to give a Fringe-night shout-out to the folks who watch the show every week, eating Walter's food obsession from the week before. They've started a site here: Fringe Party. They also have a really cool glyph tool that geeks me out. Naturally, my cube at work now has my name and the glyph of my name underneath.

Enjoy your cherry cough syrup milkshakes, guys! I will be having the cough syrup sans ice cream tonight.

SYTYCD: Results

I LOL'd at Cat as soon as she came on screen. Bed hair, red lipstick, AND a flesh-colored bustier!? Oh Cat, how I love you.

Bottom Two Girls: Noelle and Kathryn. I have a hard time telling them apart.

Bottom Two Guys: Ryan and Nathan.

Can't argue with this bottom four, really.

The guest dance performance was by this troupe called the Legion of Extraordinary Dancers. It's going to be some kind of web series, but these dancers were UNREAL. Very cool. Snoop Dogg was the musical guest, and I actually watched it - because Dominick and Hok were among the dancers. YAY!

Bye-bye: Noelle and Nathan. Let's face it - they weren't going to win this thing. At least they left before a really good one (JAKOB!). Nathan sure started out strong and fell off quickly. Thank god the 10 year olds couldn't get through last night!

SYTYCD: Performances

Cat is wearing a simple black dress - simple for her, meaning there is some huge black feather duster on the top.

1. Noelle and Ryan

A) Hip hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. Maybe it's because there was no build-up to it, no rehearsals shown, and they just started it abruptly, but it seemed weird to me. It was good, but I guess I apparently want some of that dumb rehearsal footage after all.

B) Smooth Waltz. Pretty good, kind of dull. I'm hard to please tonight.

2. Ashleigh and Legacy

A) Contemporary, but with a crazy hard edge to it. You know what it is? Without the rehearsal footage and discussion with choreographers, I don't know what the point of some of this is. So it was hard to figure out the style and what was going on. It was cool though and looked really hard - an athletic collection of crazy moves.

B) Hip hop by Dave Scott. It was a weird kind of Dracula routine, but it was a'ight. I have a hard time admitting I like Ashleigh, but I liked her. The judges hammered them for it - but it was mostly the choreographer's damn fault.

3. Kathryn and Nathan

A) Broadway. It was fine. I officially like her, but he still bothers me.

B) Rumba. I found it dull - she's good, but Nathan's so dour and blah. The judges didn't love it, and of course the audience of 10 year old girls booed.

4. Ellenore and Jakob. That's a powerhouse couple right there.

A) Quickstep. It was pretty damn amazing, probably the best Quickstep I've seen - it's always the kiss of death on this show. But they're such good dancers that I liked it.

B) Contemporary by Sonya. Now that's a match made in heaven - Ellenore and Sonya both have quirky styles. Hell, with Jakob's awesomeness, it's a Threesome Made in heaven. I love Sonya. Where does she always get this great music from? It was perfect and cool and amazing. Goosebumps!! The judges were out of their minds for it too.

5. Mollee and Russell. Ew. Don't want her with him.

A) Lyrical Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was great, and had a couple cool tricky components. And she seemed to be dancing "older" to me. It's actually not a bad pairing, I'll admit it.

B) Jive. It was fast-paced and well done. Yeah, this pairing is fun and good.

Everyone got to do a featured solo tonight too, which is only notable for one reason -- Russell crumping! And also Ryan performed to "Rock You Like a Hurricane" - yes, it's official - he's a freaking male stripper.

My Own Top Chef Experience

When Bryan Voltaggio was first introduced on this season of Top Chef, my first thought was "WTF!? He works in Frederick, Maryland!?" Having lived more than 10 years in Maryland, "Fredneck" isn't exactly what I would consider the poshest place for a world class dining experience. Luckily, I was wrong, as I got to experience VOLT last Saturday.

Though we didn't have the 21-course table IN the kitchen (due to a "restaurant error"), we had the next best thing - the 6-course meal with a view of the kitchen.

I have posted the food porn on my little food website if you're interested in seeing it - link here.

Family Post FAIL

It has come to my attention that I suck on updating lately. And that some people just want to see more pictures of their "adorable" kid. (P.S. I blame Facebook -it's much easier.)

I traveled to Pennsylvania a few weeks back to indulge in some age-inappropriate fun and eat (or get eaten by) babies.



Charles is too gorgeous - look at her eyes!


Best. Picture. Ever.




BABIES!!!!!!!!!

Heroes: Last One of 2009

New Carnie Character Alert! We've got a new guy, wearing T Bag's favorite eyeliner, who can replicate himself. You know what that means - awkward special effects time!

Bennet asks the question we'd all like to know the answer to: "How does the compass work?" Unfortunately, he doesn't give us an answer, as his little girlfriend comes to pick him up for a date. Unfortunately, the date doesn't happen, as he realizes Claire has stolen said compass and they set to work looking for her.

Claire and Gretchen show up at the Carnival and T Bag gives them popcorn in a creepy manner, telling them to wander around until they finish the box. Which they take quite literally, and T Bag is right there when they're finished. Creepy times two. He takes them to the back, where Claire gets to bond with the Carnie Kids by telling them a boring story.

A disgruntled customer comes in and starts beating the crap out of T Bag for stealing his money. He then quite hilariously decides to beat up a 19-year-old girl too. WTF? He slices Claire in the face, and runs away when she heals. Lamest. Fight. Ever. Claire decides to stay at the Carnival for the weekend, because she likes to make dumb, random decisions.

Can I just say how simultaneously happy and angry I am that Robert Knepper is a part of this show? I love him, but he deserves better. It's not his damn fault.

Let's get to the good(er) stuff....

Peter has plans to take down Sylar, and they involve absorbing The Haitian's power-blocking power. Good idea, Peter! Way to use that brain! They have a nice epic fight - all with regular, human strength - ending when Peter crucifies Sylar to plyboard with a nail gun. That's some stuff from The Wire right there! This show just got awesome.

But then Peter makes a dumb deal with Sylar - I'll heal you if you give me back Nathan. Sylar doesn't fall for that crap, so Peter tries using The Haitian's other power to wipe out Sylar's memory. He does, and Sylar turns back into Nathan. Nathan is all emo with his brother/boyfriend, saying he's not sure he can maintain and he's not really Nathan, he's an illusion. This show just got less awesome.

Nathan tries to jump off of a building - which actually would be the smart thing to do - kill yourself and kill Sylar at the same time, right? But no - when Peter finally lets go of Nathan and he falls, quite hilariously, he falls onto a car (out of camera range to save money, mind you) and Sylar gets right back up again. I guess The Haitian's power ceased working by the time Nathan/Sylar hit the street. R.I.P. Nathan.

Any emotional impact caused by Nathan's death is completely negated when the very next thing shown is one of those damn Sprint "Slow Burn" product placement ads. Goddamn show. See you after the holidays. Thank God for Christmas!

SYTYCD: Results

Cat's wearing another reptilian kind of shiny thing, and she's looking rough. Eye's all wonky again, one looks lower than the other. Get some sleep, Cat. But your hair still looks fierce.

Bottom Three Couples: Karen and Victor. Agree. Mollee and Nathan. Agree. Ellenore and Ryan. Agree, considering the other choices.

Russell and Legacy made the Top Ten! YAY!

Bye-bye: Karen and Victor. I'm fine with that. I love my Top Ten.

V: The Not-That-Exciting-Winter-Finale

Our Resistance Group is 4 members strong, and looking to find a way to expose the truth about the Visitors to the world. Elizabeth Mitchell is suspicious of Hotass Morris Chestnut and what his deal is. She somehow pieces it together, just FBI-women's intuition, I guess. And Morris is all, I'm cool, no worries, and fills her in on the Fifth Column, the alien resistance.

Morris knows that the V's are up to no good with a healing injection they're offering to the world - it's not all vitamins and healing properties. He tracks down a scientist who used to work on the project and is an undercover V, but he commits suicide when they capture him. Burny, ashy suicide. But they get a lead on a warehouse where V's are mixing their concoction into flu vaccine! TIMELY! This is why I don't get a flu vaccine, people - it's all an alien conspiracy. I will not be taken down, aliens!!! Our rebels blow the warehouse up.

Meanwhile, the Visitors are trying to figure out how their sleeper agent was murdered on their own ship. Anna's bitter about it and tells the medical staff - look, I know it was one of you, and if the person doesn't come forward, I'll punish an innocent person. Joshua is the dude who actually did it, but his buddy takes the blame and Joshua has to carry out the sentence - skinning. Ew. It looks painful, but of course they don't show anything because A) it's gross and B) special effects are expensive.

Anna also has her hooks in Tyler - she knows he's Elizabeth Mitchell's son and would be a valuable asset. Also, Anna is Tyler's little blond girlfriend's mother. Those V's must age well, or give birth at the human equivalent of 9. She hooks him in by showing him the ship engine, and suddenly visions of hot, MILF-y, alien threesomes are dancing through the kid's head.

Scott Wolf is brought in to report on the healing centers and the amazing work the V's are doing, healing burns and making people walk and such. Morris Chestnut's fiancee goes to a healing center for her heart problem. Scott Wolf is told he'll get a fatal brain aneurysm or something in 6 months. The creepy V dude is all, "There's a long waiting list for healing, but we can work something out." These insidious bastards!

Oh and Anna did this weird thing called "Bliss" where she got naked and, like, communed with the ship and spread light and happiness to the V's. It's like she has them drugged or something.

In mini-finale, not-all-that-shocking ending news:

Morris Chestnut's fiancee is pregnant. I am eagerly awaiting a lizard baby!

A V shows up to the church and stabs the Priest in the gut.

And we get a nice shot of the massive fleet of alien ships across the universe, poised for invasion.

SYTYCD: Performances

1. Ellenore and Ryan

A) Lindy Hop. It was actually amazing. I was quite surprised, considering it was this old-fashioned dance. They were both really cute and energetic. And again Ryan is totally tolerable -- when he's wearing a shirt! Cover that crap up, man.

B) Broadway. Wow, they really drew 2 cutesy styles, didn't they? It had a bit of a quirky feel, which suits her style well. They were really strong and professional.

2. Kathryn and Legacy

A) Jazz by Sonya! I think I'm going to miss this couple the most once they all get broken up next week. It was another great, quirky Sonya routine and they killed it. They are both really amazing, and Legacy got to work in some cool b-boy moves.

B) Viennese Waltz. If Legacy does well at this, that solidifies him - he will be the most amazing dancer ever. It looked amazing to me. I'm a sucker for a B boy who can also do a mean waltz and cry about it. I guess technically it wasn't great, but it was pretty and I liked it.

3. Karen and Victor - New couple alert!

A) Tango. It was pretty goddamn amazing, and the perfect routine for the two of them.

B) Hip Hop by Laurieann Gibson. It wasn't great, and there were a couple times where they were off-sync. Eh. The judges were the exact opposite of enthusiastic.

4. Mollee and Nathan

A) Hip Hop. It was weird hip hop because it was about Alexander Graham Bell inventing the telephone. Not lying. They were way too cutesy and smiley - I didn't like it.

B) Cancan by Tyce. That's new. Parts of it were technically good and parts of it were hella cringe-worthy. It was a novelty kind of dance but it didn't move me.

5. Noelle and Russell

A) Samba. It was OK, but a bit awkward. She was awkward looking and seemed to get tired. Neither dancer's hips moved quickly enough.

B) Contemporary by Tyce. Hey - Katee from last season was totally assisting Tyce! It was really good. They both seemed really strong during the dance. Great lines and really powerful. It was so good, and Russell did an aerial!

6. Ashleigh and Jakob

A) Lyrical Jazz by Sonya! They're a great couple too. They had some amazing lifts and jumps. Sonya sure had 2 amazing routines by 2 great couples.

B) Cha Cha. It was goddamn amazing. It was her style, so of course she killed it, but I really love Jakob. He reminds me of Neil and I loved Neil. They have good chemistry too - for a minute there, I almost believed he would bang her.

A Very Heroes Thanksgiving

I'd make some kind of Heroes/Thanksgiving/turkey joke if I were clever. I'm not.

T Bag watches Dr. Suresh's stag film and finds out that he has some kind of limitless potential. Hot Tattoo Lady wants to know WTF is up with Hiro not going back in time to save T Bag's brother Joseph, so she has Hiro transport them back 8 weeks so she can see for herself what happened to Joseph. What happened to Hiro getting tumors from excessive time travel?

While back in time, they see T Bag kill Joseph with a rock to the throat, all over that damn film. They come back to the present, where the carnies celebrate Thanksgiving. T Bag's speech to the family includes an accusation that Edgar killed Joseph. Hiro doesn't speak up because he doesn't want to endanger Charlie, wherever she may be. He freezes time and tells Edgar to leave and get his revenge later.

Bennet decides to cook Thanksgiving dinner for himself, Claire, his ex, and his ex's boyfriend. Poor Lyle, left out as always. That actor must not have aged well. But anyway, what happened to going out for Chinese? While Bennet's at Whole Foods, he runs into that chick who was given the seemingly-pointless flashback a few episodes back. Hey, not as pointless any more, is it?

Lauren - the near-cheater in question - is invited to dinner too. Sandra's boyfriend is a fellow show dog person. So Sandra's a beard, then? And why on earth would they all do Thanksgiving at the bachelor pad? It makes for an awkward dinner, made even better when Claire says she wants to drop out of school.

Peter confronts Mama Petrelli on the whole Nathan situation. She's all, "Happy Thanksgiving, let's talk about it while we eat mashed potatoes." And I thought my family holiday dinners were awkward. So it's around the Thanksgiving table that Nathan and Peter learn the truth. Who wants pie? Well, they never get the chance to have that pie, because suddenly, Nathan is consumed by some kind of blue lightning. And then he's Sylar. And he wants pie.

The return of Sylar makes this show enjoyable again. He keeps Peter and Angela at the table, and kisses Angela on the mouth. OK, that made me LOL. As he begins to kill Angela, Nathan reappears, fighting back. WAIT! The show just got good again! Come back, Sylar!!

Project Runway: The Finale Finale

Yes, I actually stay up to watch the finale almost-live so I don't get accidentally spoiled. That's a fate worse than death, kids.

Carol Hannah's still sick, head in the toilet before going in to sew. I feel bad, but eventually it's like, enough, bitch. Are you crying because you're sick or are you crying because you have work to do? I couldn't tell. I would have quit and gone home to bed, but I guess that's just me.

Once again, Althea seems to be biting on Irina - this time copying the makeup look Irina chose. Then again, it's not like Irina has a freaking copyright on the smokey eye. Althea's just like me - she wants to be Irina.

Backstage, Tim starts freaking out because the models aren't ready and he wants them lined up. This is what happens when 3 chicks are in the finale - stuff runs late and Tim loses his cool. It's hysterical.

Althea claims she was inspired by sci-fi movies of the 50s and 60s. She had a really nice mix of jackets, pants, and dresses - her last dress is quite stunning. And of course she had sweaters - COPYCAT! Her line was more sportswear.

Carol Hannah suddenly feels better, now that she's done working. Her stuff looks great on the runway - I was surprised! I could die for the shade of purple she used. There were a couple things (hi there, shorts and cape!) I could have done without, but overall it was great. Though I don't think it was really cohesive - I don't understand what the commonality was.

Irina seemed super nervous on the runway. I thought her stuff worked very well as a cohesive collection, but there was a LOT of black. The stuff had an edge to it too which I liked, with some of her signature soft sweaters mixed in. As much as I love Irina, I liked Carol Hannah's clothes the most. But I still think Irina should win because she got the concept of making a collection.

There's no real celebrity finale judge this season, which sucks. Just some fat fashion critic whose hair looks like Cameron Diaz's in There's Something About Mary. I don't think that was hair gel she used up front. Did she forget to take a curler out or something? I didn't get it.

Winner: Irina! Yay! My girl - bitch though she may be - was also the best!!!

Best news of all? Season 7 premieres January 14.

Fringe: All Observer All The Time

My construction company got another shot on Fringe in the previouslys! Yay!!

We get to observe the Observers in their natural habitat - spying on people and writing in a strange language and not growing hair and catching bullets in their bare hands. This one in particular also kidnaps a chick, which is rare for them. They usually observe, not interfere.

The Observer leaves behind a book of his writing, and the team has a hard time breaking the code. Turns out Massive Dynamic has been trying to crack the code too so Peter and Olivia pay a visit to that funny dorky dude who works there. He's found those symbols in early writings around the world - and drawings and images of Observers going back hundreds of years!

The other Observers are bitter because "August" went rogue - the girl he kidnapped was supposed to be on a certain flight, and now he's changed how things were supposed to happen. The flight she was supposed to be on crashes and the Observer watches it on TV with the girl all, "See, I saved you."

August explains his actions to the other Observers - he has seen that the girl's important. But the others think he is mistaken, and so they send an assassin (is he a normal human? He's not an Observer) out to kill her.

Walter meanwhile has been acting sneaky the whole episode, sending Astrid off on an errand so he can leave the lab. Walter has secretly cracked the code left by August - and meets up with him. Walter's all adorable, begging, "Don't take my son, we had an arrangement." But that's not what August wants - he wants Walter to come up with a way to save the girl, like he saved Peter.

August sacrifices himself when the assassin shows up, hiding the girl first and then taking the bullets. As he's dying, August gives his cool air gun thing to Peter, who uses it to kill the assassin. By the time Olivia and Peter go back, August is gone. Our main Observer picked him up, and as he's dying in the car, August says that he thinks he loved the girl. The girl is now safe because August made her important by sacrificing himself - his death made her important.

The Walter/Peter interaction was off the hook this episode. I love it so much. To me, the most tragic thing in the world is the idea that Walter took Peter from another universe and he's tortured by it, and scared that Peter will find out. Not to mention what the hell the Walter in the other universe is going through.

Walter's Craving of the Week: More like an obsession - and it's milkshakes. His favorite ice cream store has shut down and he's trying to recreate their strawberry milkshake. I envy the Fringe partiers next episode!

This Week's Code: BLIGHT.

I love this show so much I'm willing to overlook the blatant FORD/SIRIUS product placement. This episode was amazing and unusually quiet - in 2 weeks it looks like we get another monster fest!

The Ruins

It's KellyAnne's birthday, so she gets hammered and then cries when Brad starts criticizing something-or-other. And sobs when Dunbar claims they once had sex. Bitch, you're having sex with Wes - Dunbar is 100 steps up. Dunbar actually uses the phrase "just the tip". LOL!

Once Brad gets really drunk, he starts to pick fights with guys. It was embarrassing how he was acting with Darrell. It came out of nowhere, made no sense, and he was literally flexing and saying "son". Typical drunken frat boy. And it was enough to provoke Darrell - he punched the crap out of Brad. Who can blame him? It's like when Tonya finally hit Veronica.

Brad's bleeding like crazy but still fighting people and kicking things. What the hell happened to him? Oy, his eye was blown the crap up and gushing blood!!! The best part was the next day when he's all sober and giving the interview to the camera with one blown-up, swollen-shut purple eye. Dumb. Ass.

Bye-bye: Brad and Darrell. The Challengers are going to end up with all girls (and all sucky girls) and I'm going to laugh and laugh.

Evan's Line of the Day: "Susie... God bless her golden hair and Amish looks." Amish looks! I love Evan!!

The Ruins: Susie v. Kimberly and Dunbar v. Johnny. They pull a "to be continued" -- as if this was the part of the show I cared about. There was an epic fight!

Top Chef

Quickfire Challenge: Create a turducken, essentially. Put a protein inside a protein inside a protein. Mmmm... bacon inside of turkey inside of chicken. Jennifer's wins with her nasty seafood thing, so I guess she's not choking anymore.

Elimination Challenge: Something French-sounding that seems like it's essentially the Cooking Olympics. Make little food on big ass platters. Make it good. The end.

I started to get worried that my man Kevin would be in trouble, but of course Eli crapped the bed with his lamb. Thank god Eli can be counted on for that.

Winner: Kevin. Oh hells yes. They were all busting on him for being too simple so I was worried, and yet he wins. They must have just had to pick on something.

Bye-bye: Eli. As it should have been.

For the finale: Michael, Jennifer, Kevin, and Brian. And I'm going to Brian's restaurant next Saturday! Yay! I haven't decided if I want to ask him for spoilers yet.

SYTYCD: Results

Cat is disappointing me tonight - hair too straight, boring, pale, short-sleeved, collared dress. As ridiculous as she can get at times, I do like my Cat Deeley crazier. Her shoes are crazy, but that's it. She also looks really tired - which makes her eyes go wonkier than ever.

The group performance was amazing, and I could tell it was Wade Robson.

Why does Ashleigh wear this 50's outfit every results show? Is it in case she has to do a solo? She's always wearing a poodle skirt and scarf. It's odd. But maybe it's her lucky outfit, because she's always safe.

Bottom Three Couples: Karen & Kevin. Agree. Channing & Victor. Agree. Mollee & Nathan. Agree. Guess the girls were in line for Twilight last night and didn't get a chance to call in for their boy Nathan. I'm fine with this bottom three - we can lose any of them - none of them would have been at the very top. Plus we should get good solos.

Or maybe not. Karen danced like a bad stripper - her solo tanked. Kevin was good, but I've seen better hip hop. Channing was fine and Mollee was crazy acrobatic. I thought Victor was good, but Nathan made me remember why I used to like him before his personality got in the way - he was cool.

Bye-bye: Kevin and Channing. They pretty much kept Karen because of her past performances. And Kevin is hard to lose, but I can't argue with his solo being the weakest tonight. Now Russell has to hold it down for the brothers, and Karen and Victor will be paired up.

SYTYCD: Performances

Cat's wearing an aluminum foil wrap dress tonight. She looks like a fabulous baked potato. Tonight, we got kid pictures and stories of the dancers' early performances. Nothing makes me feel older than watching a show where these people's "childhood dances" involved copying the "Bye Bye Bye" video. Yikes.

1. Ashleigh and Jakob - Hip Hop by Tabitha & Napoleon. It was a great performance. I can't stand Ashleigh and I'll admit she was good. Jakob is 100% amazing and needs to win this!!

2. Karen and Kevin - Broadway. Jazz hands! Honestly, I thought the choreography was lame. So it just didn't pop and wasn't too exciting. Kevin looked a bit awkward, perhaps, but he did admirably.

3. Noelle and Russell - Foxtrot. This is the second time they've picked this dance, but she was injured the first time and didn't get to do it. The judges didn't like him doing it the first time, so the pressure is on. It was a slow routine, but got better as it went on. Russell just seems so restrained when he's... well... restrained. The judges said he improved a lot over last time - I'm sure he listened to the criticism from last time and learned. That Russell's a smart kid. The judges liked Noelle too.

4. Channing and Victor - Jazz by Tyce. They danced to a Bobby McFerrin song, which does no one any favors. The music was too odd and off-putting to me. But the performance was strong.

5. Kathryn and Legacy - Paso Doble. Woah it was good and he was strong and commanding. I always love a good paso doble. Kathryn was intense and strong and mature too.

6. Ellenore and Ryan - Contemporary by Travis Wall. It was a really lovely routine and had lots of nice jumps and lifts. They were lovely! The judges really couldn't get enough - especially of Ryan. I think Adam's smitten.

7. Mollee and Nathan - Pop Jazz by Laurieann Gibson. It was cool, but they seemed a bit out of sync at times and they're clearly not as good as everyone else. I'm biased because I hate them now. They need to go and Channing and Victor need to go. After that, it'll be tough.

V

I might have a problem referring to the aliens as V's. V just makes me think of vagina. Just me? Also, maybe Elizabeth Mitchell doesn't wear too much makeup. Maybe it's just the fact that she's wearing ANY makeup that's throwing me off. I prefer her natural Lost look.

The Visitors have been granted visas to enter the United States. I just realized we have a Priest and an FBI Agent taking on aliens single-handedly. Did this Priest used to be a cop or something because he sure does love investigating. He's digging through files while Elizabeth Mitchell is out working for a living. She's assigned to help guard the V building after a death threat and protests. While she's there, she discovers a room where the V's are spying on humans - and finds that they have cameras hidden in the jackets worn by V's and the Hitler V Youth.

Then we have Hotass Morris Chestnut leading a hotass alien resistance. He's done this before - he talks about a group called The Fifth Column which fought V's in the past. And he's contacting John May, the leader of the old resistance. The Priest finds Chestnut's buddy Georgie in the files and they hook up - time to join these 2 resistance groups!!

There was also a cool, unexpected bit where Elizabeth Mitchell's not-dead alien partner is revived - and tells the V assigned to him about her and how she saw his true face. The partner wants him dead -- but then the V is all, "The Fifth Column says hi" and kills him, seeking Lizzie as an ally. Eff yeah! Fifth Column all the way!

More Ferns!

My favorite web series returns! Here's Conan O’Brien with Papa Smurf - I mean, Zach Galifianakis.

Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis from Between Two Ferns

Heroes: More Headaches

Let's start with the time travel. T Bag tells Hiro to go back to when he killed Mohinder. But not to save Mohinder's life - to save a film from the 60s that Mohinder has. Must be one good porno.

Nine weeks ago, Mohinder is back to teaching in India, back with his ex-girlfriend, and apparently not a fly anymore. No mention of that business at all. But he's still all sneaky about his father's research. Good thing he happens to have a projector to play an old film on. Huh?

The film has some secret formula on it that his father discovered -- because of course the most efficient way of preserving a scientific breakthrough is by filming it. Not writing it down, or even a photograph. A 20mm film. But it gets even better - it wasn't a scientific formula - it was instructions for making a compass, like the one T Bag has. And Mohinder says that if the man who has the compass gets enough specials around him then watch out, bub! Oh good lord. Somehow he knows that Samuel is destined to become an evil genius.

Mohinder follows the compass all the way from India to the carnival -- OH. GOOD. LORD. REALLY? -- and meets up with T Bag's brother. He knows about T Bag's potential too - and he tells Mohinder to burn the film and leave. T Bag overhears this, which is why he wants the film. He wants him some great power.

Mohinder must have stopped off along the way for lighter fluid and matches, because he sets out to burn the film back at his hotel. But Hiro shows up just as he starts, and switches out the reels. He also puts a bulletproof vest on Mohinder so that when T Bag shows up and shoots Mohinder with stone bullets, he survives. Hiro hides Mohinder away in an insane asylum (in Florida) for 8 weeks so that he doesn't disrupt the timeline and he can still save Charlie. That Hiro sure does think fast on his feet, no? No.

Now we'll cover the Sylar's Body v. Sylar's Mind mess. Nathan's back at work, being a Senator and stuff. Pretty cool that no one noticed he was gone for a week. That Governor from South Carolina went to bang his Argentinian girlfriend for a weekend and the world noticed. Well, it turns out Mama Petrelli covered for him and said he was on vacation. Way to close that hole, writers.

The Haitian sends Peter to check out a storage facility so he can know the truth - and he and Nathan find Nathan's corpse in a casket. PROBLEM! They burned Nathan's body last season. I haven't forgotten that. They all stood around and burned Nathan-as-Sylar... but I guess they can say Matt made it look like they were burning him when they really weren't. OK, I might let that hole slide.

Nathan and Peter set off to find Matt, because Nathan has a memory of him yelling or something and thinks it's important. When they find out Matt's in a hospital -- because as you'll recall he got shot roughly 53 times in the chest -- Peter's all, "Cool, I can heal him." And he does. How Matt had even survived to make it to the hospital -- don't ask.

Matt tells The Petrelli Brothers all about how Sylar killed Nathan and all that jazz. It's all nice and confusing as Head Sylar tries to get Not Nathan to touch him so he can transfer himself back into his body. I've gone cross-eyed.

They touch, but then Nathan flies himself and Peter out into The Majestic Green Screen Mountains. Nathan is really accepting of this whole he's-really-Sylar idea, but I suppose he's seen weirder.

We'll close out with some hot lesbian action. Could Claire wear shorter shorts when doing laundry at her dad's apartment? I don't think so. Jesus. She's there when Tracy shows up, freaking out because her power's gone wonky and she's inadvertently freezing things. Then it's Tracy's turn to strip down into her underwear and get into a hot bath. But she starts to freeze the water, and eventually turns Claire to ice and breaks off her foot. Later, they wear men's shirts and share some tea and power-speculation on the couch. It's weird for these two chicks who haven't really interacted before to be sudden BFF's, no? In the midst of their hot lesbian action, Tracy decides that she needs to join the carnival.

The show closes with T Bag, who has evidently discovered how to make himself all-powerful, sweet talking Tracy and trying to persuade her to do whatever it is he needs her to do.

Project Runway: Finale Part 1

We begin with Tim Gunn's obligatory visit to the designers' home turf. Carol Hannah's squatting in some chick's Long Island McMansion. Irina lives in a closet in Manhattan. And Althea's designing in a studio in beautiful, exotic Dayton, Ohio.

The only real "controversy" we get is that Irina has to re-do some tee shirts she was working on because she used copyrighted images of Coney Island. How do you copyright Coney Island? Also, one of Althea's looks apparently looks like one of Irina's, but she didn't exactly copy her from Ohio... or did she?

Carol Hannah misses the first day in NYC because she has a stomach virus. Whatever, she probably ate some bad Thai food. Or maybe she was Swine Flu Patient Zero.

Tim seems to think Althea's stuff is nothing but a hot mess, and I agree, but it's hard to tell when they're just on hangers. Irina's is a LOT of black. Like, all black. And Carol Hannah's stuff has cooties.

For what I'm pretty sure is the first time ever, Michael Kors and Nina Garcia show up while the designers are working to give them some advice. It's really just generic advice though, nothing specific to their designs. Heidi shows up too, with a surprise that isn't much of a surprise if you've watched previous seasons - orders to make a 13th look. And of course they get the usual help, in the form of former contestants. Althea chooses Logan, Irina chooses Gordana, and Carol Hannah gets Christopher.

I'm going to go out on a limb and say a female wins this whole damn thing.

2012

I love me some good disaster porn. And 2012 certainly had it. But somehow - even though they destroyed pretty much the entire planet - it wasn't enough for me. Because of course it was surrounded by "drama" and very cliche action and too many narrow escapes and coincidences.

But I have to say it's fun to watch the earth crumble and landmarks fall. And it's always fun to watch Chiwetel Ejiofor. Always. I'd say a movie like Independence Day is still better - because you have a villain there. You have humanity uniting to fight a clear enemy, whereas here the enemy is just the sun and Mother Nature.

It's worth it to see the movie for the disaster porn, but don't expect much beyond that. (I didn't.) The movie really focuses on 3 things: the destruction of the world, the preservation of the human race, and childhood incontinence. I'm not lying when I say that bedwetting was a pretty central plot point. Pull Ups - definitely the oddest product placement in a major motion picture.

Fringe: Gingers Are Evil

I have never needed an episode of Fringe as badly as I do today. Work day from hades, muscle spasm... all worth it if I can have Pacey and Walter.

Freak of the Week: Guy makes a cop leap to his death and another cop kills 2 other cops before killing herself. Guy later makes a guy pour a pot of scalding hot coffee onto his head. Holy crap. This show is hella violent.

The team pays a visit to Massive Dynamic (because the son of one of their doctors has been kidnapped by the Mind Control Dude). Walter's all sweet and sad about how William Bell accomplished so much and he didn't. Aw, my cute, cuddly baby Walter.

Walter uses a teddy bear as a weapon - Pacey's old teddy bear which emits white noise. The bear is rigged up so that the white noise is pumped into the headphones of agents going in to nab the Bad Guys - blocking the mind control.

But it turns out that the Mind Controller was really the Ginger son - and he gets Pacey under his control. Apparently puberty + ADD medication + the doctor's brainwave enhancer = Mind Controlling Ginger. And Walter is PISSED at the doctor because Peter's been kidnapped. I do love a protective, fatherly Walter. "How can I do this without Peter? He always helps me. I can't lose him again." Too sweet! Walter's killing me!!!

Peter's OK though, the kid's taking him on a road trip filled with strip clubs and steak and fries, a road trip on the way to see his mother. By the time the FBI catches up to them, Peter's about to be forced to shoot the mother's new husband. He shoots Broyles clear through the arm instead. Broyles is, of course completely cool and unphased over the gunshot. He rules.

The team catches up with a device Walter has rigged to disrupt the Ginger's brainwaves. It works and Peter is freed.

It's revealed that the Ginger was a huge Massive Dynamic experiment - there are multiple Gingers as test subjects, all assigned to "surrogate parents" and in this case, this one got a hold of Google to find out where his mother was. There was a veritable Ginger Ward at Massive Dynamic.

Ickiness of the Week: Walter picks apart the cop's brain, complete with bone saw and skull fragments. Ugh. He also suggests her brain would taste like chicken. Not my favorite Walter's Food Craving of all time.

Walter's Food of the Week: He makes Peter crepes (he used to call them creeps as a kid). That's better.

This Week's Code: ARRIVE.

Top Chef

Robin and Eli are the ones that clearly do NOT belong here anymore. If they don't leave next, there is no justice.

Quickfire Challenge: Make breakfast in bed for Padma and Nigella Lawson. For once, something Eli made actually looked good - a Reuben Benedict. I'd eat that. And he beat out Kevin's Steak & Eggs, so it must have been good. And OH SNAP it'll be in the Top Chef cookbook. Now I need to make that!

Elimination Challenge: Create a dish (for 175 people!) inspired by a chosen casino.

Robin makes panna cotta - part of it doesn't end up on the plate and the part that does sucks. Eli's caramel-apple-and-peanut soup sucks too. So no surprise who's in the bottom. Jennifer's in the bottom though too - she must be cracking under pressure, because she's been slipping lately.

Winner: Michael. His take on chicken wings sure did look good.

Bye-bye: Robin. Oh thank heaven. One down, one to go.

The Ruins

This episode didn't have much going on. But looks like we're in for crying and PUNCHING next week. Yay!

The Challenge was this horrific thing where you had to get inside of a huge tire and then be rolled down a bumpy hill. No thanks.

Ruins: Johanna v. Sarah and Darrell v. Cohutta. The Champions have been successful at keeping Casey on the Challengers team, and the Challengers (especially Brad) are pissed.

Bye-bye: Cohutta and Johanna. Johanna was obvious because Sarah has the positive, Zen approach to competition and Johanna was so negative. Power of positive thinking people!

SYTYCD: Results

The group performance was a truly wonderful tribal thing. The problem is, they were all in such heavy makeup that I couldn't tell who was who. There are too many people at this point and I couldn't tell what they really looked like. Speaking of heavy makeup, Hi Cat!! She also appears to have a beetle in her hair.

Bottom Three Couples:

Ellenore and Ryan. OK. Pauline and Peter. OK. Karen and Kevin. WRONG. It should have been Mollee and Nathan, and the judges said as much too. Those 2 are probably going to skate by on their cuteness factor. 10 year old girls will always vote for Nathan. Nigel really chastised him about it - saying girls like him, and not for his dancing. Wow, Nigel, take a chill pill - it's one week.

I thought the girls all had strong solos. Ryan should always wear long-sleeved shirts. I'd say it should be Pauline and Peter, given these choices. Nigel ranted and raved about the solos being crap. I mean, he really went off and yelled. So curmudgeonly tonight. Jesus.

Bye-bye: Pauline and Peter. I'm fine with that. But somebody get Nigel some Pamprin. He was so rough on everybody, and in a bitchy way. Boo.

One Down

Well, crap, my DVR just got a bit emptier. R.I.P. Dollhouse.

Fox has pulled the plug on Joss Whedon's controversial mind-sponges-for-hire show Dollhouse, although the show will finish the 13 episodes already planned.

More here, linked by Bobby Z.

Clash of the Titans: Oh. Snap.

I was obsessed with Clash of the Titans when I was younger. I remember being freaked out (by now-horrid special effects) and seeing it at the drive-in movie theater. This trailer for the remake looks pretty kickass. This time I think it'll be actually-scary.

SYTYCD: Performances

Woah! Cat Deeley is looking very V tonight - she has this sexy reptilian thing going. It's insane. I love her.

1. Karen and Kevin - The Hustle. The Hustle's an actual dance? It was cool and disco-ish but a little pose-y for my tastes.

2. Ashleigh and Jakob - Jazz by Mandy Moore. It was done to "Relax" which made it awesome, and Jakob is an insane dancer so it was really awesome.

3. Pauline and Peter - Quickstep. We find out that, just like Matt Dillon, Peter works with retards. No wonder he thinks he's a good dancer. The routine was a little racist - she's Filipina so they make her a Hula girl enticing a sailor? Nice. It looked alright to me, and it makes sense that Peter's tapping feet would be good at the quick steps.

4. Kathryn and Legacy - Broadway. Get this people - here's something "American doesn't know" about Legacy - he likes soccer. Yep, he's Latino and his likes soccer. Amazing. They were really good - Legacy's movements are so fluid - I love him so much! And I hate being proven wrong, but I misjudged him.

5. Channing and Victor - Contemporary by Stacey. New couple alert! It was really good - lots of nice, fluid movements - and he could actually lift her big ass, which is a positive. They're a nice fit and it was their style.

6. Ellenore and Ryan - Hip Hop by Lil C. Oh snap - Ryan's douchey whitebread ass is gonna do hip hop? She was amazing! She was really hitting it, so I just watched her instead of cringing at Ryan. Adam and Mary said he did well enough, but Nigel just slammed them. Awkward.

7. Mollee and Nathan - Salsa. Some of the lifts were awkward, but overall it was OK. That girl can shake her ass, which is disturbing for someone who looks 12. The judges hated it hard.

8. Noelle and Russell - Afro Jazz. The style was amazing and it was really incredible. I didn't know that girl had it in her! They had this amazing lift/flip sequence too. Most fun of the night.

V

So here's where things stand. Aliens (Visitors) have arrived, claiming to be peaceful and just needing some water. We found out they've been living among us for a while - disguised as human. Elizabeth Mitchell discovered that her FBI partner of 7 years was one after he tried to kill her and his skull peeled back to reveal his true lizard form.

Meanwhile, the Visitors are recruiting kids like the Hitler Youth, including Elizabeth Mitchell's son. And fine-ass Morris Chestnut is also a Visitor In Disguise, but a good one. He's in love with a human woman and he's from a renegade group of lizards who don't agree with the bad lizards.

Not too much happened this week. The FBI is investigating the "disappearance" of Elizabeth's Lizard Partner - and he gets reborn on the Mother Ship. The U.S. opened diplomatic relations with the Visitors. And Elizabeth Mitchell wears too much makeup on this show.

Mike's betting that the son's fat friend is the first one to be eaten. I really hope these Visitors still eat people.

SYTYCD: Jason's Not Gay

That's the breaking news I got out of this story:

Does the couple that's eliminated together, stay together? It seems like it is the case with season 5 dancers Jason Glover and Janette Manrara, who have become partners off the dance floor.

source

Good for them - he's adorable and she has big gums. Long live love.

Heroes

So we're back at that sorority prank, where the 2 random girls have caught Claire regenerating. But she solved that problem by saying she was hallucinating something too and they must have been drugged. Most gullible. Girls. Ever.

Meanwhile, it doesn't matter anyway because The Haitian is hanging out in sorority houses now, trying to get some young tail. Claire called Daddy and it's all taken care of. Now The Haitian (Claire actually called him by a name - Rene. Yay for names!) is her bodyguard. Gretchen's freaked out by the Invisible Girl trying to kill her, so she drops out of school and flies back home.

T Bag shows up to Claire's dorm room looking for Invisible Girl (I thought he was back in time with Hiro, but what do I know) and lays it all out there - we're both special and I have stuff to tell you. Turns out, Invisible Girl has gone off the rails and is really after Bennet, because he killed her father back when she was a kid. Oops.

Peter's using his new healing ability to, well, heal people. And it's draining him. In a particularly hilarious bit, Deaf Girl and Peter find this little girl passed out. I'm pretty sure she was just in a closet or something. Like, why was this girl just laying there and why was no one with her? Ugh. Whatever the reason, Deaf Girl used her medical school skills to save her so that Peter wouldn't be any more drained. And then I LOL'd when Peter asked Deaf Girl, "Are you gonna go back to school? Go be a doctor?" Oh Lord. "Be a doctor?" Who talks like that?

Sylar's using Matt's body, but then Matt's still somehow in control too. Like, Sylar went to the airport, but Matt packed a gun into their bag without him knowing so that the TSA stops them. How? What? Who? He somehow talks his way out of airport jail and then kills a dude who pulls over to help him change a flat tire. That's Sylar's way of making sure Matt doesn't mess with him anymore.

They end up at the Burnt Toast Diner, because there are no other towns in Middle America but Midland, Texas and no other diners but the Burnt Toast Diner. And also, the set was already built, so it's cheap. Matt doodles "I have a gun and I'm going to kill everyone" on a napkin for the waitress to find and then commits suicide by cop when the cops show up. Matt/Sylar is gunned down with 100 bullets to the chest, and looks dead, but he's still in the ambulance when we leave him so who knows. I'm not R.I.P.-ing Matt yet. But a girl can hope.

The Other Sylar (Physical!Sylar?) is at the carnival, and he has changed back into Nathan in his sleep. He shows up at Peter's apartment. The end.

Sure enough, in the preview, we see Peter healing Matt. Great. Not dead yet.

The Ruins

This week's challenge involves wasting a lot of fruit. I'm sure the people of Thailand appreciate drunken MTV kids coming in and making a game out of throwing their fruit around. Nice.

Not much happened, though the best part was when Evan, Susie, and Johanna were discussing their secret alliance and didn't realize Veronica was in the room. Evan tried to play it off like he knew, but he didn't know. It was pretty funny. Love it when someone gets caught scheming, even if it is on this pointless show.

Ruins: Veronica v. KellyAnne and Syrus v. Cohutta. I kept waiting for Cohutta to drop a racial epithet about Syrus when he discussed him - everything about his accent screams dumb redneck. No such luck - he just called Syrus a big, strong, 200-pound "guy".

Bye-bye: Syrus and Veronica. KellyAnne's strategy was "to stay calm and collective." That must be why she won. She seemed very collective.

Project Runway

Challenge: Use the Getty Museum as inspiration for a design. They're introduced to the Mayor of Los Angeles and I think he's wearing lipstick. That makes sense.

Carol Hannah's inspiration was a bed, Gordana's and Irina's were paintings, Althea's was the architecture of the building, and Christopher's was the fountain -- with algae on it. Of course Christopher has to pick out the algae.

The chicks are super bitchy, and not just Irina. She's rubbing off on Gordana too.

Althea's dress looked like a puckered mess. Carol Hannah's dress made her model look fat. The middle and bottom of Christopher's was horrible and Gordana's was simple and looked like crinkled paper. Irina went way outside what she usually does and did this flowy dress thing. Overall, boo.

Bye-bye: Christopher and Gordana.

All-Vagina Fashion Week Finale: Irina, Carol Hannah, and Althea.