18 February 2012

Top Chef: Texas: Times Four

Seriously.  I have 4 episodes of Top Chef in my massive DVR backlog.  Holy crap.  When did I get a life?  I've somehow avoided all spoilers as well.

Quickfire Challenge 1: The chefs work in pairs to do a lot of prep work in 40 minutes and then make a dish in the time they have left.  Grayson and Chris win and they had the least amount of time to cook.

Elimination Challenge 1: The former partners are now opponents, who must make separate versions of the same dish to serve at a party.  It's Grayson and Chris, Sarah and Lindsay, and Paul and Ed - in a self-named "Asian Showdown".  They go head-to-head making healthier versions of some pretty standard dishes.  Nothing exciting.

Winner 1: Paul.  He rules and I'd eat his kalbi any time.  Does that sound as dirty as I intended?

Bye-bye 1: Chris. Please pack your squinty eyes and awful teeth and go.

Quickfire Challenge 2:  Pancakes for Pee-Wee Herman.  Seriously.  Ed wins for his "pancake bits" which are what we used to call "drips" growing up - the awesome little crispy bits.

Elimination Challenge 2:  Make a family-style lunch for Pee-Wee and the judges.  And they have to bike around San Antonio to find their ingredients and a restaurant to cook it in.  That's weird.  Ed works out of a bed and breakfast kitchen.  Cute.

Winner 2: Lindsay.

Bye-bye 2: Grayson.  Dammit, I love Grayson!  That's BS.  Ed undercooked chicken, man.

At this point, they announce that they've been having a competition for all of the eliminated chefs, and airing it online.  The winner gets back on the show -- and the winner is Beverly.  Naturally.  Can't knock the girl for beating every single person's ass.  Damn.

Quickfire Challenge 3: Pick your ingredients while blindfolded, and then cook them (sans blindfold), using everything you picked up.  Sarah wins and gets the choice of a new Prius or guaranteed spot in the finale.  She chooses the guaranteed spot, mostly because she wouldn't fit in a Prius.

Elimination Challenge 3:  Impress your mentor.  Paul absolutely loses it; he cries and loves his mentor so much.  Sweet.  And a little gay.  Sarah gets to just kick it, since she has a guaranteed spot.

Winner 3: Paul.  Hell yeah.  He's gotta win this whole thing; he rules.

Bye-bye 3: Ed.  Keep using canned oysters!  Damn, no 3-Asian finale.

The finale takes place in Vancouver.  It looks cold as shit and is windy as hell.

Culinary Games:

1. Cook on a moving gondola.  That's weird AND if you have a fear of heights or are prone to motion sickness it stinks.  Everyone did quite well.  Lindsay wins, and as a result she's in the final challenge and gets to sit out the next 2 events.

2.  Chip your ingredients out of blocks of ice and cook.  Having to pummel these ice blocks is ridiculous and time-consuming.  Paul wins and gets to sit out the next round.

3.  Biathlon -- Cross-country ski, then shoot for your ingredients.  And you've got Beverly and Sarah, the two most unathletic people, doing it.  Sarah wins that; I was surprised it wasn't Beverly, and yet glad at the same time.  Bye, bitch!

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