Seriously. I have 4 episodes of Top Chef in my massive DVR backlog. Holy crap. When did I get a life? I've somehow avoided all spoilers as well.
Quickfire Challenge 1: The chefs work in pairs to do a lot of prep work in 40 minutes and then make a dish in the time they have left. Grayson and Chris win and they had the least amount of time to cook.
Elimination Challenge 1: The former partners are now opponents, who must make separate versions of the same dish to serve at a party. It's Grayson and Chris, Sarah and Lindsay, and Paul and Ed - in a self-named "Asian Showdown". They go head-to-head making healthier versions of some pretty standard dishes. Nothing exciting.
Winner 1: Paul. He rules and I'd eat his kalbi any time. Does that sound as dirty as I intended?
Bye-bye 1: Chris. Please pack your squinty eyes and awful teeth and go.
Quickfire Challenge 2: Pancakes for Pee-Wee Herman. Seriously. Ed wins for his "pancake bits" which are what we used to call "drips" growing up - the awesome little crispy bits.
Elimination Challenge 2: Make a family-style lunch for Pee-Wee and the judges. And they have to bike around San Antonio to find their ingredients and a restaurant to cook it in. That's weird. Ed works out of a bed and breakfast kitchen. Cute.
Winner 2: Lindsay.
Bye-bye 2: Grayson. Dammit, I love Grayson! That's BS. Ed undercooked chicken, man.
At this point, they announce that they've been having a competition for all of the eliminated chefs, and airing it online. The winner gets back on the show -- and the winner is Beverly. Naturally. Can't knock the girl for beating every single person's ass. Damn.
Quickfire Challenge 3: Pick your ingredients while blindfolded, and then cook them (sans blindfold), using everything you picked up. Sarah wins and gets the choice of a new Prius or guaranteed spot in the finale. She chooses the guaranteed spot, mostly because she wouldn't fit in a Prius.
Elimination Challenge 3: Impress your mentor. Paul absolutely loses it; he cries and loves his mentor so much. Sweet. And a little gay. Sarah gets to just kick it, since she has a guaranteed spot.
Winner 3: Paul. Hell yeah. He's gotta win this whole thing; he rules.
Bye-bye 3: Ed. Keep using canned oysters! Damn, no 3-Asian finale.
The finale takes place in Vancouver. It looks cold as shit and is windy as hell.
1. Cook on a moving gondola. That's weird AND if you have a fear of heights or are prone to motion sickness it stinks. Everyone did quite well. Lindsay wins, and as a result she's in the final challenge and gets to sit out the next 2 events.
2. Chip your ingredients out of blocks of ice and cook. Having to pummel these ice blocks is ridiculous and time-consuming. Paul wins and gets to sit out the next round.
3. Biathlon -- Cross-country ski, then shoot for your ingredients. And you've got Beverly and Sarah, the two most unathletic people, doing it. Sarah wins that; I was surprised it wasn't Beverly, and yet glad at the same time. Bye, bitch!